Homemaker Portrait | Kristin Park

In today's episode, I'm chatting with In-The-Trenches homemaker, Kristin Park, wife and mama who has recently made the shift from business owner and full time speech therapist to full time homemaker. We talk about what that transition has been like for Kristin and her family, the steps they took to decide if they could live on one income and how their values shaped that decision. 

I know you will love this story of home. Kristin has much wisdom and insight to share. 

EPISODE NOTES

All links and notes, including Kristin's signature dish recipe, will be on the blog. Go to heartofhomepodcast.com/blog and search "Kristin Park" or click the link below.

Transcript

Allison 0:01

Hello, homemakers. Welcome to the Art of Home podcast, where we are exploring how homemakers cultivate a place to belong. I'm your host, Alison Weeks. I'm a wife, a mom, a granny, and I've been practicing the Art of Home since 1992. Thank you for tuning in today to listen to this brand new homemaker portrait of Kristen Park. I'm so glad to have you. If you're brand new here, welcome. I'm going to do things a little differently today. Normally I would spend a few minutes at the beginning going back and answering some emails and text messages and sharing some of that with you all, some tips and ideas from all of you. And I would give some podcast updates. But today I'm at the beach with my family. So I'm going to keep it really short and simple. I'm going to get right into Kristen's episode here. I usually would also come back at the end and give a few closing thoughts and reminders. But um I'm not going to do that because I'm going to be splashing in the waves and building sandcastles with my grandchildren. So enjoy this story from Kristen Park. I know you're going to gain a lot of insight and wisdom and inspiration from her story of home. She has a unique point of view as she has just walked away from a 10-year career as a speech therapist to stay home full-time. She made they made sacrifices for her to do that. So she walks with walks us through that process of how they made that decision, along with all the hopes and and ideas and dreams that she has for what's ahead as she takes care of her little girl and her husband in her home full-time. So enjoy this conversation with Kristen Park, and I'll see you next week. Welcome to the Art of Home. I'm here with In the Trenches Homemaker, Kristen Park. Kristen is going to share all about her unique experience as a homemaker and a brand new full-time homemaker. I'm so excited to hear about this. But before we go into your story and background, Kristen, why don't you just say hi to everybody? Tell us a little bit about who you are today. Sure.

SPEAKER_00 2:05

Well, hi, everybody. Thank you, Alison, for having me on. I was very much looking forward to this as soon as I got the email that I would be in the uh summer recording lineup. Um so I am a wife and a mom. Um, been married for almost 10 years. It'll in January, it'll be 10 years. And I have a newly five-year-old daughter, so one kiddo. Um I've also been a speech language pathologist or a speech therapist for the better part of a decade. Actually, this year it is um 10 years that I've been practicing as an SLP. Um, but as you kind of alluded to a minute ago, I actually stepped back from my career as of yesterday. Literally yesterday. I am officially brand new. Yes, a brand new stay-at-home mom, homemaker, um, as my husband likes to call it, domestic engineer. Um, and that's where we are today. Um, so I a little bit more about who I am. I come from a relatively large-ish family myself. I'm one of four kids and one of 18 grandkids on my mom's side of the family, and we were all very close growing up and into our adulthoods. We spend a lot of time as our big family unit. Um, and then I also, uh outside of my career, I enjoy quilting as a hobby. I do sourdough baking, and I'm just really into a lot of eco-friendly living. I do a lot of reading and journaling on the side, and those are kind of the things that piqued my interest. But that is who I am in a nutshell.

Allison 3:55

Awesome. Okay, well, congratulations on this huge milestone of becoming an official full-time homemaker, stay-at-home mom. That is that's huge. So well done. Congratulations. I know it was a big decision, and I know we're gonna hear more about that later. Um, big family. That's so fun. I love that you have that to draw from and to be close to that big family. Um, do they live near you, most of your family?

SPEAKER_00 4:21

They do, yes. Um, actually, most of my family lives within 30 minutes of each other, which is wow, that's awesome. It's most of the time it is a blessing, but sometimes it's a little cramped.

unknown 4:34

Yes.

Allison 4:35

I I understand totally. Yeah. But to have the support, I mean, I think looking forward into this new journey that you're taking where you're gonna probably have questions and need extra support and and whatnot, I think that's gonna be a that's gonna be a real benefit to you. So yes, absolutely. I agree.

unknown 4:52

Good.

Allison 4:53

Um, and you're a quilter. So what are you quilting? Do you like to quilt actual blankets, quilts, or do you quilt like, are you doing like the quilted jacket thing, or what do you like to quilt?

SPEAKER_00 5:03

I wish I could do the quilted jacket. That that is a uh thing in my future projects, future ideas uh wish list there. But I do bed quilts. So I just I've done a bunch of twin size up to king size um quilts for friends and family. Um I have a couple, a couple works in project uh works in progress, and I'm currently repairing a quilt that had been pretty heavily damaged uh for a family friend. So that's an interesting challenge is figuring out what what to do with all of the tears and rips. Uh I don't know if it was the washing machine or the cat or what happened to this poor quilt, but it has seen better days. So I'm learning how to do some patches on a patchwork quilt.

Allison 5:54

And yeah, it's it's oh that's you know, that's so what a coincidence. I'm about to embark on a very similar project. I have an old quilt that was my grandmother's that I've had in a in a in storage for many years, and I pulled it back out and I started, I opened it up and I realized, oh my gosh, this is why I put it in storage like 10 years ago, because it's got just holes everywhere. And so I ordered, I actually ordered, I don't know if you're working with like a vintage quilt, but I found a supply online on Etsy um that had vintage reproduction, reproduction, vintage fabrics. So I looked for the same time period because this was like from the 40s and 50s, and I found somebody who where I could source that so that I can make some patches to, you know, fill in the ones that are completely destroyed. Is yours an older quilt or is it a newer one?

SPEAKER_00 6:45

It is not, and it's actually not even a homemade quilt. Um it was a store-bought. Okay. Yeah. It was a store-bought quilt. Um, but it is actually quilted. You know, a lot of those store-bought ones are are printed to look like a quilt, but it's it's legitimately quilted. Yes, it is pieced. Oh, awesome. Um so and it's made to look uh vintage. So I would be interested in checking out that. You said it was on Etsy. Um to see if I can find it.

Allison 7:11

Yeah, I can actually yeah, I can send you the link and and I'll put it in the show notes too, because people might want to see that. So okay. Well, we could talk about this all day, but we should probably get to your stories. So um, when did you first become a homemaker? And did you bring any skills with you to the job?

SPEAKER_00 7:28

Sure. Yeah. So I consider myself um to have entered into homemaking um back in about 10 years ago, I would say. Um, when my husband and I were about to be engaged and planning, you know, our our wedding in our future. I we did move in together into his apartment. Um, and it was at that point a bachelor pad. Um, so you know, I'm sure I moved in and brought in the feminine energy and the homemaking skills that I had learned, you know, just throughout my childhood and young adulthood from my family and friends. Um so I would say I started the journey uh about 10 years ago. And yeah, I've been doing it kind of on the side ever since.

Allison 8:20

Okay. Awesome. So skills-wise, did you were you uh uh good at cooking or you know, what was your what did you bring to the table you feel like most? Yes.

SPEAKER_00 8:33

Cooking, I can do it. It's just not my uh strong suit, I guess. Uh I'm more of a chicken and broccoli and rice for dinner on repeat sort of person. With the occasional uh, you know, change in recipe or change in uh menu. But I do I do have a lot of organizational skills um and just general cleaning skills. I think probably the organization is my my strongest uh skill in in what I mean by that is being able to pare down the all of the items that we own in the house, be able to um know what appliances we need and what appliances can be donated. Um, you know, um finding a spot for everything that comes into the home, um, and also being pretty quick or pretty um savvy when it comes to determining what needs to go out of the home. So I don't know if that's that's a little bit of organization in my mind, but I guess a lot of people would kind of connect that with minimalism as well.

Allison 9:46

Um that was I was gonna ask, are do you consider yourself a minimalist?

SPEAKER_00 9:50

I like the idea of minimalism, but looking at my house and looking at the things that I own, I don't think I would qualify as a minimalist. Um I just I'm I'm very much an organizationalist. I think I just made that word up. But yes, everything goes back to where it belongs. And yes, and I'm like I said, I'm very happy to pass things on to others who need it more than me.

Allison 10:18

Okay, okay. It sounds like, yeah, I like the term organizationalist. You're like a good manager of of of inventory, you're like an inventory manager, you know, like of as far as what what things you own and recognizing when that thing isn't serving you anymore and it's time to let it go. So it's a great skill to have.

SPEAKER_00 10:39

Thank you. I align with that title, the inventory. Okay.

Allison 10:44

So, what would you say is your greatest homemaking weakness?

SPEAKER_00 10:48

Sometimes I struggle with the follow-through of all of the ideas, and and whenever inspiration strikes, I'm determined to finish this project or start this uh system in our house. And I sometimes draw parallels between myself and the children's book, The If You Give a Mouse a Cookie. Um the mouse starts eating the cookie, but then, oh, I want a glass of milk, and then gets the glass of milk, or oh, I need a napkin, and then oh, the napkin reminds me I need to clean the countertop. And it just I tend to move from task to tas to task, and in that process forget to finish some of those tasks or put them on the back burner and just don't come back to them. Um so because I'm very um into organizing and the flow of the home and and making sure that I kind of know what's around me, I can then sometimes look in this corner and see a task that needs to be finished, and look in that corner and see a task that needs to be finished, and I I kind of lose the plot and uh get a little distracted easily.

Allison 12:02

So how much of that would you say has been because you've been juggling two jobs essentially, working outside the home and um being a homemaker full-time, or you know, in the tr in the margins, I'm sorry. You know, do you think that adds to that distraction or is that just in your nature?

SPEAKER_00 12:21

I do. I think that was a big part of it for so long is just almost like you said, working two jobs essentially, or trying to live two lives at once, where I'm both, you know, working in my in my career and growing um the business that I started. Um, because I don't know if I mentioned in the beginning, but um, I was a private practice owner as a speech therapist. So I started my own business. Um, and so I was responsible for not just the therapy portion of things, but also the business side of it, um, the marketing, the finances, the organizational systems, um, all of that. And I'm sure you know, as running a podcast and a full business yourself, it is very, very time consuming. So and time consuming, and also it takes up a lot of mental space. So not only are you then trying to turn your brain off from work and come home and cook dinner and do the laundry and you know, clean the home and spend time with your kids, but your brain is still my brain at least, was always still slightly in business mode. Um and it was hard to to turn that off and to stop checking emails and to stop, you know, doing chart notes and all the things that go along with that. So I do think both sides were pulling at me at the same time.

Allison 13:44

Oh, yeah, for sure. I can see that completely. Um, it is hard to turn that, it is hard to turn that off and be disciplined about it, especially when it's part of your livelihood. Like, you know, you're you're doing it to help support the family, and you feel like, okay, I'm obligated to complete these tasks for the business, because if I don't, then the money's not coming in. So yeah, I can see how you would be really torn with that. So, okay, we're gonna revisit that more um in a bit, I'm sure. But I would love to hear who or what has had a big influence on your homemaking.

SPEAKER_00 14:18

Sure. So my mom, of course, is by default one of the biggest influences just um growing up. Like I said, I'm one of four kids. Um, my mom was a stay-at-home mom um for my entire life, and my dad would be the one out working sometimes, you know, when we were young kids too, working multiple jobs um just to try to financially support us. But my mom was the one who uh held the fort down and kept us alive and healthy and and fed and socialized, and you know, so she did it all. And you know, sometimes I could see with my mom that it was it was difficult, but she always got up and did it day after day, right? So she was a a good influence in showing me that that kind of that grit and that determination to get up and face the music and you know make the most of each day and um and carry on. So um she was a good influence as well. Um, but I also have um or had uh a neighbor growing up next door to my parents' house who she was a single lady uh at the time in her 50s and 60s, uh, and she um had no children of her own, but she kind of adopted the four of us as her, you know, next door children. And she was kind of, I would equate her to being like a fairy godmother. Because she took us under her wing and she should she showed each one of us individually, I think, a lot of different, she gave each of us a lot of different social skills or cultural experiences. Um, like showing us how to plan and execute uh a dinner where you're hosting, you know, a bunch of people, and how to just little things like she taught me how to set the table correctly, you know, where the forks, forks and spoons and knives go, and how to fold napkins, like those little things. Um but she was really good at cooking and she passed down the art of um handwritten recipe books. You know, she started a recipe book for me um going on 25 years ago that I still add recipes to. Um, so and she would she would take my brother and I to jazz concerts. Um, and you know, we would talk about the artistry of you know what the musicians were doing, and and she would talk to us about uh classic literature or even just things like how to how to decorate a home to feel like it's uniquely yours and not just decorate it in whatever way is trendy or you know, whatever you see at the at Target, you know, that season. But um, she's just very influential in that in a lot of my personality and then in a lot of my um then homemaking skills as an adult.

Allison 17:28

Yeah. Oh, what a cool experience and what a treasure to have her living right next door to you growing up. It sounds like she was a really special person and gave you some unique um skills, you know, teaching you hospitality skills, but then also the cultural, the cultural side of thing, which uh which I love to talk about on the show, that whole homemaker culture. You you don't just check your brain at the door and stop learning when you, you know, become a full-time homemaker. You continue to grow and feed your own soul with good music and good literature and beautiful art so that it comes out in your homemaking and it it impacts the people who live in your home. So that's what a wonderful gift that she gave you with that. Um expectations. I'll talk about expectations for a minute. Okay, what are some things that surprised you about homemaking? Things you did not expect, good or bad.

SPEAKER_00 18:23

Um I thought when I became an adult and moved out of my parents' home, I was living in dorms and grad school apartments before I moved in with my now husband. I thought that cleaning would come naturally to me. Um you know, I I I grew up doing chores and doing my part in the house to keep things clean. Um but being again one of four kids, plus my mom, plus my dad, those the chores and the cleaning were split between six people. And then I move out on my own and I think, oh, my my apartment will stay clean. I've always been a clean person. Um but it takes conscious effort and routine and constant conscious effort. It's not something that just happens because I just do it without thinking, which that was a realization I had to come to at one point. Like, wow, why is my apartment so dusty? Or I swear I just vacuumed and it had this is so like it had been like a month, and I'm like, oh, maybe I should vacuum again. Yeah. So it's still, it doesn't come naturally to me. I don't know if it comes naturally to anyone, but that was kind of an expect expectation or a realization that I had to come to um living on my own and figuring it out on my own.

Allison 19:55

Yeah, that's a good learning, that's a good learning experience right there. I think there are those rare, those rare few people who just naturally clean all the time. It's like the way that they operate. But for most of us, I'm I'm in the same boat. I'm like, oh, I just dusted like a couple of days ago. No, that was like three weeks ago. So yeah, setting up systems for yourself, I think. Um, and then you know, being being faithful to those systems and showing up and doing the jobs is it goes a long way towards avoiding that sort of piling up of the tasks. Because you're right, it's a lot different when you're splitting it between a whole household of people and when you're carrying it just by yourself, basically, or just you and your, you know, and your um spouse. So that is great learning. Um, anything else that you didn't expect?

SPEAKER_00 20:50

Yeah, I think that kind of leads into what surprised me about homemaking. Um, the more I practiced it as an adult, and the more I'm getting into it now, is it surprised me how much I actually do enjoy the work. Um, you know, like you said, you have to kind of organize it into systems and be faithful to those systems. And I definitely agree with that. That's the part that I enjoy, is treating homemaking almost like a puzzle that needs to be solved. Um, when I'm creating those, when I'm creating those systems or figuring out how to organize the home, both mentally and and physically and you know, culturally and and cultivating that um that family unit there. How do I, how do I solve this puzzle? Um, I do think in a lot of ways I am a puzzle solver by nature. That's the part that comes naturally to me. Um and I'm finding that I can I can kind of scratch that itch through homemaking. And that is exciting to me.

Allison 21:54

Yeah, yeah. I'm sure that was a great skill that came in handy when you were doing speech therapy, unlocking the puzzle. Of what was holding this this person back who you know was having issues. So it's really cool that you see how it it translates into homemaking. That's awesome. Um has there been an expectation that you've need that you've had to let go of? Something you were kind of holding on to and you had to let go of?

SPEAKER_00 22:19

Um I would say that I had to let go of the expectation that if I am demonstrating a behavior or a habit around the house that those who live with me, like my husband and my daughter, will pick up on it and they will start doing it too. You know. For example, if I am picking up clothes on the floor and either folding them and putting them away or putting them in the laundry basket, and they see me doing that time after time, they'll pick up the habit too. I don't need to explicitly tell them what to do. But that is an expectation that I had to let go of because that is not reality. Um, and it's not it wasn't serving anyone, um, and it was really kind of making me a little bit resentful or a little bit, you know, doing these things begrudgingly or kind of giving a side eye when I'm doing them. Like you don't see me uh scrubbing this stain off of the refrigerator, or you know, you don't see me doing the recycling each week or anything like that. So communication and verbal communication has definitely not saved our family because we weren't in any sort of peril or danger, but it it saved us from going down that that pathway of bigger resentment or bigger frustration. So I think that was an expectation I had to just nip in the bud right away.

Allison 23:52

I love that so much. That's a really good point. Um, just expecting that they're gonna pick up on all your nonverbal cues. Um and some might, but it's probably not going to happen for most people. So um communication is absolutely key. Yeah, that's a great lesson. Thank you for sharing that. Um okay, let's talk for a little bit about parenting. How did the addition of your daughter challenge? And how did it enrich your homemaking experience?

SPEAKER_00 24:25

Well, she definitely challenged my minimalist tendencies. Yes. Um, just a challenge in the beginning was just the sheer amount of things and stuff that seemed to follow kids. Um, you know, you might think to yourself, she doesn't need a lot of clothing or she doesn't need a lot of toys. But somehow, and through well-intentioned family and friends and neighbors, things just accumulate. Things just appear that you don't even know where it came from or why you have it. Um, so that was just some a challenge. Not again, it's it's a challenge that can be easily, I think, solved or processed, but it is a challenge that just appears suddenly. Um and I would say that another challenge of parenting is, of course, one that all parents can relate to is the challenge of logistics, timing it takes to get things done, um, getting out of the house on time. You know, I do the game of okay, if if we need to get to church by 10 o'clock, that means we have to leave by 10 40, which means we need to be downstairs by 10:30. Or sorry, I'm gonna see I'm already going, I'm from 9:40. 9:30. Yeah, you're doing the backwards math. Yes, exactly. Yeah. So that's that's constant, uh, you know, whenever we're going somewhere. Um, it's just like the amount of time it takes for her to eat dinner is a lot longer than you would expect. So those are again, they're just little changes to the routine that come along with having a little person in your house. Um, and they're welcome challenges. It's it's just part of part of life, I think, to just go through that and experience that. But um, sometimes I have those moments where I look at myself from an outside perspective and I think, wow, I'm I'm in it. I am a mom of a five-year-old. This is just life. Um, and that that lets me that kind of lets me let go of some of the frustrations that come with those little challenges and and think like this is my season to be to be here.

Allison 26:43

Yeah. Um that's good. So enrichment.

SPEAKER_00 26:47

I can tell yes, I can tell you about the good things too. Yeah. So yes, um, I think one of the biggest enrichments or joys that I get out of having a little shadow follow me around the house is that I feel seen in what I'm doing, even in the most mundane homemaking tasks. You know, I'm putting the laundry in the dryer or fluffing the pillows on the couch, just little things, but she's there all day. She sees it, she wants to participate in it, and she's excited to do it. And that revives my excitement in what I'm doing. Um, sometimes we do just mentally check out, we're just doing the things on our chore list and getting things done so we can move on to the next. But she slows me down, she makes me aware of my surroundings and shows me what I'm doing matters to her. Um, and so I, you know, I get that little, I guess, dopamine boost from it, and she gets to be with me and she's excited about it too. So we just we have our happy little time together. So I I just treasure that when that happens. Um, there are you know downtimes where she's not excited about chores or you know, just having a bad day. But for the most part, it's those those happy moments they happen just throughout the day. Um, yeah, and I think also another way in which she enriches my life and our home is that um having her here helps me know that this home serves a greater purpose. Uh, this home is not just a place to throw our things and you know, get on the computer and play video games or whatever. You know, it's not just a place to sit down and read a book. Like we are, my husband and I are here in this home that you know we've curated and we've selected, and we are raising a good human in this house. Um having her here is just a reminder that that we're leaving parts of ourselves behind here too, as as we make our way through our lives. But yeah, just having her there is a good reminder of that greater purpose that we're serving.

Allison 29:09

Yes, absolutely. What's her favorite chore to help you with in the in the house?

SPEAKER_00 29:16

She loves moving the laundry from the washer into the dryer, uh, because we have a front loading dryer, so it's right there at her height. Um, and she loves feeding the dog every night. So um uh and then she's getting a lot better at chopping fruits and veggies at the kitchen counter. Um, she's upgraded to she went from a plastic kitty knife that didn't really cut anything, to now she's using a metal uh butter knife to cut up strawberries and green peppers. And that is she really enjoys that that challenge and that task.

Allison 29:58

Oh, wonderful. Those are good tasks for a five-year-old. Yes, very good. Okay, let's talk about priorities a little bit. What practical steps do you take to set and keep your priorities?

SPEAKER_00 30:12

Practical steps to set and keep priorities in our family. I use a family calendar online. Um, I know a lot of people just use like Google Calendar or whatever calendar is on an iPhone. I'm I'm a Google person, Android person, but we use uh an app called Team Up, and it is really helpful for just putting everything family related in the calendar and making sure that it's color-coded by who who is attending what event and when. Um and then we also um another practical step that we take together is um we do our budgeting together about once a week in a spreadsheet that my husband created. Um, and it's just been this years-long spreadsheet that keeps going. But that just helps us kind of keep financially on the same page, making sure that you know we know what what's coming up that we're gonna need to save for, or you know, what's left over that we can spend on something fun. And um, but doing that consistently and having a night set aside for that has been really helpful. Um, because again, it's kind of like another chore. Sometimes we realize, oh, we haven't looked at the budget in like three or four weeks. Um, we need to get caught up. Um so just make sure that we have the calendar for scheduled events and the spreadsheet for our finances. Those are just the kind of the two big um kind of practic practical organization tips that we that we do.

Allison 31:52

Those are great. So your husband created one specifically for y'all.

SPEAKER_00 31:57

Yes, I was for my private practice. I was using um software online. Uh I was using YNAB, which is you need a budget. Um, and he took a look at that and he thought, I I can recreate that on a spreadsheet for free. So he did. And he put all the formulas in there and it works beautifully. And I don't question it, I just use it.

Allison 32:23

Awesome. Awesome. Yes. Does it integrate? I'm always curious how people do their budgets. Does it integrate with your banking? And like how do you reconcile your transactions and and and put that?

SPEAKER_00 32:35

It does not. So we have to go in when we do our budgeting. We go in once a week and we just log into all of our bank bank accounts and our credit cards, and we just put in the the week's transactions uh into the spreadsheet manually. And I I prefer it that way because it is more um hands-on, you have your eyes on everything. So rather than just the transactions just automatically connect and you might miss a thing here or there yourself, like I have to kind of be um, I have to own up to some of the purchases that I that I make. And that helps me be more responsible than when I am out and about. Like, do I really need to buy this? Like these it's gonna be you know in the spreadsheet. So I like it.

Allison 33:20

Yeah, everything will be disclosed, you know. Yes. Yeah, that's awesome. I love that system. Um, you're absolutely right. Yeah, knowing that it's gonna be in the spreadsheet. No, and and get I do find, I find too that all of my stuff is automatically because I use QuickIn, and so it automatically downloads. And um, I'm pretty good about going through each item because we categorize everything in our budget. It helps us see track our spending over time and stuff when we set out like a new budget for at the beginning of the year. But um I do think, because I'm old enough to remember when we would actually literally with pen and paper reconcile our bank account, you know, in our little checkbook that we would write all the transactions in. And that was much more hands-on, and and I just felt like I had a bit of a better pulse on the spending when we used to do it that way. So I really like your system a lot. I think that's a great way to approach it. Um Okay. Was there anything else you wanted to share about priorities?

SPEAKER_00 34:22

Yes, I just wanted to mention that doing that budgeting system, um, we set that up a couple of years ago with the spreadsheet and categorizing all of our expenses and also categorizing how much money we wanted to allocate to different fun things or just incidentals that pop up here and there, has really helped us together as a couple, like take a look at our job situation. And that was one of the um reasons why I decided or we decided that I would be able to step back from my business to become a full-time homemaker. Um, I think if we were just, you know, kind of a little checked out with our finances or just assuming, you know, money's coming in and we have a little bit of savings, so we're good to go, we might not have been able to make that decision together. But because we've been practicing, you know, some financial literacy together and um making sure that we are both tuned in to the reality of our money situation, that really helped me kind of pull the trigger on selling my business and stepping away from speech for a little while to dedicate myself to our home and our family.

Allison 35:41

That's wonderful. That's a great test. That's a great testimony to the power of having a budget. So I highly recommend that. Okay, social media. Love to hear your thoughts on that. Um, are you on it? Do you have a system for keeping yourself accountable? What are your thoughts on social media and media in general? What role does it play in your life?

SPEAKER_00 36:05

I was on social media um pretty frequently because I told myself, well, I am a small business owner. I need to, I need to be on Facebook and Instagram to attract clients and grow my following and you know, be present. Um and so I I was doing that pretty consistently for a couple of years there, um, growing an audience. Um, but personally, you know, professionally it was it was great. It was doing exactly what it needed to do, but personally, I was very disconnected from it, very burnt out. I didn't want to be on socials. Um I deleted my personal socials a couple years ago and have been mostly off of them since then. And every now and then I have to log in for something, and I kind of slipped right back into the habit of scrolling and and reading things I don't need to read. Um, so I log out as quickly as I can. Um but that yeah, I slowed down the business social media uh about a year or so ago. Uh I made a post saying I'm going to stop posting and nothing happened. And it was it was great. I thought, I thought, oh no, if I don't make a reel or post to my Instagram story, I'm not gonna get new clients. But I took a leap and I said, you know, what happens if I just stop? And it was fine. Um, I still find out all of the news I need to know through email or in-person conversations, or you know, just I don't know, just word of mouth. I I find things out. Um, so I'm not missing anything, but I also mentally I had to come to terms with being okay with FOMO, like the fear of missing out. Um I had to be okay with that. Like sometimes it's okay to miss out on things. Um, and so I've really tried to work on my kind of my mental attitude around social media, um, how I feel about it and what it makes me feel, and being conscious of that, and that has helped me stay off of it. Um, and being off of it has allowed me more time and more mental clarity to do the things that I enjoy doing, like quilting and sourdough, and spending time with friends and um engaging in face-to-face conversations. So that's a long-winded way to say um I've deleted social media and I I don't want to go back.

Allison 38:55

All right, that's a good testimony again for that. I um yeah, I don't know where I'm at. I go back and forth, but I can I completely agree with you. Once you're off for a while, it and then you go back on, you realize, oh my gosh, like I don't I don't like this feeling that it gives me um of of the FOMO and the just the it's like sucks you in, and it's it's crazy just how powerful it can be. And I I I admire the person who really has the self-discipline to not let it do that to them. Um, I just don't think I'm one of those people.

SPEAKER_00 39:28

So right, me too. Um I've also with social media but also just phone use in general, I've tried to take steps to uh reduce that throughout like the week. Um again, I think I mentioned a little bit earlier about like taking an outside view of myself and like seeing myself from somebody else's perspective is helpful in a lot of things, but especially for how often I'm sitting there staring at my phone. Um, sometimes I do see myself from like my daughter's perspective. You know, she's walking upstairs to find me or walking into the living room to check uh to ask me a question. And what am I doing? I'm staring at the little black box in front of my face, right? Um, and so having her around is a really good reminder to put the phone away because the, you know, what what memories do I want her to have of her mom, you know, when she's an adult and she thinks back to these years that we've spent together, you know, what does she think of? Oh, she was on her phone a lot. That is not something I want her to think. Um, so that kind of keeps me grounded a little bit. Um, and I've also just created little like charging stations throughout the house, like little boxes where I can just plug the phone in and walk away from it, and so it's not physically by me all the time, which really does help.

Allison 40:55

So yeah, I've seen some people put a little box on the wall, like attach it to the wall, and then hang their phone on the wall, you know, sort of like old school, uh, which is kind of funny. But I do love that. Just it's powerful, it has a powerful effect on your mind to, you know, physically put it in the little holder on the wall and walk away from it. So that's a great practice. And what a powerful um image to talk about, you know, describing how your daughter sees you. I think that's so wise. That's really wise. Um, okay, let's talk about temptations and challenges for a bit. Which of these temptations have you struggled with the most and what is God teaching you through it? Now I imagine your qu answer to this question might change over time now that your role is shifting. Um, but just where have you been in the last, you know, few years, like since your daughter was born? So comparison to other homemakers, that's your first choice. Just a homemaker, I'm not getting paid, so this is not a real job. Or your third choice is superwoman, trying to do all the things.

SPEAKER_00 42:00

Um, I think I've struggled with all three of these from time to time. But if I had to pick one, yeah, pick one that is the greatest um challenge, I would pick Superwoman. Um, I am definitely a yes man and I I try to do everything as soon as it comes into my radar. Um, like I said earlier, with tasks and like in keeping up on projects and things, I I tend to chase the shiny object sometimes. Um or like things that sound interesting, I think I have to say yes to it now, or else I won't get the opportunity again, um, sort of thing. So I do tend to overcommit and put a lot on my plate and then burn out and and think, wow, I'm doing way too much. Um, something's gotta give. So I I definitely relate to the the super women uh superwoman mentality. Um but I really like the second part of your question, which is what is God teaching you through it? Um I had to think about that for a while. Like, what is what is the meaning of this challenge? Why am I why do I go through this time and time again? But I think I think God is trying to teach me that there will be a season for everything that I want to do or things that I'm called to do. Like there will be a time for it. And it might not be this season, but you know, just like earth, like seasons come to an end and they make way for the next season. Um, and so I'm I'm feeling that a little more right now, at this point in my life. Like I said, just yesterday was my first stay at home day. So it is the start of a brand new season for me. Um, and so it's okay if I don't immediately jump into all of the things I want to do right now, um, because this Season, this season will come and go, and then there will be a new season, and maybe I can revisit some of those projects or some of those interests that I've put to the side for the time being.

Allison 44:11

Mm-hmm. I love that so much. That's a great takeaway. I think it reminds me of in in the past, I have noticed a similar thing, you know, and I think it's very common for us as women to we have so many things we want to do and we want to accomplish, and yet we feel we can feel bound and confined by our present circumstances and feel like we're missing out on something, um, or God is holding out on us, or you know, he says no to this thing right now, and we think, well, that's a no forever, but it's not. And the the fallacy there is approaching him and approaching our lives with a scarcity mindset rather than an abundance mindset of saying, No, it's not. I love how you said that. You know, there is a season for everything. That's very biblical. Um, he wants to bring every good and perfect gift comes from the Father. And so he wants to give us good things, but in its proper time. And so asking that question, is it the proper time for this right now? And being honest with yourself and with God about whether or not this is the timing for that thing, and then trusting that he'll give you time for it later when it's appropriate. So that is such a great finding. I love that so much. Do you do you have a particular challenge that um you've had to walk through in your homemaking journey? Maybe it's your decision to come home full-time, or maybe it's something else that you'd like to share with the audience and just what you've learned through that.

SPEAKER_00 45:38

Yes, I do think um we struggled a little bit back and forth together to make the decision for me to go full-time homemaker. Um, and the struggle was really just mostly financial. Of course, that's that's the big one. Um, is how are we going to afford our lifestyle on one income? Um now it helps that you know, my daughter was going to daycare five days a week, and um obviously that expense is no longer it it would have been reduced anyway because she would be entering kindergarten in the fall. Um, but we'd had to figure out okay, what will vacations look like in the future? What will um, you know, what fun things do we have to say no to because they cost more than we're willing to um you know spend on them. And so that that budgeting spreadsheet, you know, we made a a template, we copied the tab and made a template of what things would look like if we went down to just my husband's income and you know what how the money would be allocated each month. And we did decide like we can we can make it work. It's gonna be a little tight, um, but we can make it work. And we, you know, discussed it together and we had many conversations. This wasn't just a decision we made overnight about the the priorities that we have. And our one of our priorities is you know, our daughter's education and our daughter's um upbringing and just being able to spend time with her as she grows up because she is um, you know, for a couple different reasons, she's gonna be our one and only. Um, and so every first that we have with her is also every last. Um, and I felt very existential and like sad about her turning five. Um, so so that was a big um catalyst there. But we did have to come to the agreement together because at first my husband was very much like, it's not possible, we can't do it. Um, and so with with time with time and with logistics, you know, we sat down and we really looked through it, and you know, we also, you know, had to kind of pray about it and be faithful about it and just decide like, is this really what I'm being called to do? Um, and it truly did feel like that voice in the back of my head was was speaking to me and saying, don't give up on this, don't give up on this. So we had to come to the um the decision together as a team. But the the financial struggles were big um at first, but I think we have a pretty um clear plan set set for ourselves, and I think we'll be doing we'll be doing all right.

Allison 48:45

That's awesome. I love your um strategic and thoughtful approach to that. And uh I recommend that for anyone if you're considering making that move to come home. It's not like you said, it this is not a decision you make on the fly overnight. You need to be really thoughtful and and take an honest look at your finances and and honestly ask one another, like, what are we willing to sacrifice in order to make this happen? So and then revisit that because when it gets hard and and the time comes to make those sacrifices in real time, you have to remind yourself constantly, okay, this is why we're doing this. This is our this is our family mission, if you will, and and our as it lines up with our values, because um there are times where when things get really tight and you you question, you'll question that decision. So um, well done. Good job.

SPEAKER_01 49:36

Thank you.

Allison 49:37

So let's talk about hospitality. What's a practical way that you like to show hospitality through your homemaking?

SPEAKER_00 49:44

Oh um, this one I was struggling with for a little bit because I haven't had the opportunity in the last 10 years or so to be as hospitable as I've wanted to be. So I'm looking forward to more hospitality in the coming years. But um as I sat with it and thought about it some more, I realized that I am pretty hospitable in in ways that I might not have immediately recognized. Um big thing we did a couple years ago, actually before my daughter was born, um, we our house was set up so that it almost had a semi-in-law suite downstairs in the basement, um, has its own full bathroom and uh a little uh refrigerator in there and space for like a studio apartment. And that came in handy um a couple years ago when a friend of mine was going through a really rough time, um, unfortunately, in her marriage, and she needed a place to go, and she was um, you know, down on her luck basically and and very stressed and had no one to turn to. And so um we were able to open that space up to her and give her, you know, a safe space to be and uh a place for her to to breathe and to think and to, you know, really get her life back in order. Um, so we had her, uh she lived with us for almost, I think about six months. Um and it was an adjustment, you know, just having somebody there. Um, but I I don't regret it at all. I think that was absolutely the thing that she needed at that time, and I was so glad that we were able to be there for her. Um and a couple times since then that that room has come up as a potential for some friends who like need a place to crash or you know, are in some tough times, and no one else has actually moved in as much as she had, but it's always there, you know, and they know that we're the kind of people that will open our arms and say, come on in, you know, no questions asked, we're here for you. So that is a way that I have tried to be there for my friends and my families uh with with the house that we have.

Allison 52:01

Oh, that absolutely counts as hospitality. That's awesome. What a gift that you you can offer that to people. Um, really good. Okay, I have some rapid fire questions for you. So you can give me a short answer or you can tell me a story if you like. It's totally up to you. Tell me about your biggest homemaking fail so far.

SPEAKER_00 52:24

Okay, this one is a little bit of a story, but I'll try to keep it short. Um, I would say my biggest fail as a homemaker, more so I think as a wife, um, was actually convincing my husband to buy this house. Um, okay. Yes. So we have been in this house um almost eight years. Uh, but when we bought the house, we were not in a good financial place to buy the house. Um, we weren't doing our budgeting spreadsheet. We I was kind of money in, money out sort of mindset of um, oh, you know, I I make it uh I make good money as a speech therapist, and you make good money as an engineer. Like we can buy a house. Uh, you know, it's it's it's what what everybody was doing at that time in our lives. Our all of our friends seemed to be buying their first home. Um and we were nine months into a two-year lease in our apartment, and and I basically I kind of badgered him, I kind of wore him down until he said yes, until he let us break the lease and buy the house. Um, and so we were spending all of our money on our mortgage and still paying for our apartment because we were locked in for two years.

Allison 53:47

Oh, wow.

SPEAKER_00 53:49

And I really, it was it's not a good look for me. You know, I felt very um guilty after doing that. And as soon as we moved into this house, I had the you know, the regret of why did I push him like that? You know, I I love the house, I love the location, I love the neighborhood, but it wasn't our season to buy a house. And and I I I forced it, and I do feel bad about that. Um, and we've had to have discussions, and you know, he's forgiven me, and then I've forgiven myself, and we've moved on. But it was a it was a pretty big fail early on in our marriage and in our homemaking uh journey.

Allison 54:36

Well, thank you for your transparency. That's a good lesson for somebody out there listening. Yes. Um okay, tell me about a recent homemaking win.

SPEAKER_00 54:45

Okay. This homemaking win is very uh light and um simple compared to the big fail. But um I would say just hanging fresh lavender sprigs in my shower, you know, it just brings a little joy and a little seasonality to the bathroom and having some fresh flowers around also just gives the house just a happier, you know, kind of fresh vibe. So that is something that I really enjoy, um, especially this time of year.

Allison 55:21

Oh, like listen, we'll take all the wins that we can get, big or small. Um, I love that idea of hanging fresh lavender in the shower. I've heard about doing like eucalyptus, with especially when you're sick, but um, I love lavender. That's my favorite uh herb and flower and scent. So do you hang it um like near the shower head so that the water runs over it, or do you just hang it somewhere in the shower?

SPEAKER_00 55:46

Yeah, so I just got some fresh uh cut lavender from a friend um just this weekend, and I just tie it up with a little bit of twine and I just hang it on the shower head. So, like you said, the steam kind of hits it, um, and then it the moisture kind of releases. It's a very, very uh mild scent, but it's subtle. Uh it is, yes. But the um just the the imagery of it, it's just it feels so fancy and pretty.

Allison 56:12

It's pretty, yeah. I'm sure it's pretty.

unknown 56:14

It does, yeah.

Allison 56:15

Very fancy. That's a wonderful idea. Okay, tell me about a homemaking product or resource that you are loving right now.

SPEAKER_00 56:23

Okay. Um, besides your podcast. Um I use a lot of online organizing uh systems. So I wrote down Team Up Calendar or any online calendar, really. Um, and then I also use Trello and Notion, which are two big um organizational websites that you can use. Um, Trello, I consider it like an online uh sticky note app, basically, um, or list making app. And then Notion is a little more vague, but it's great for any sort of organization. Like if you're trying to organize blog posts that you want to write, or a monthly meal calendar, or your uh gym workouts, like Notion, you can create templates for all of those. So I love all of those things.

Allison 57:14

Yes, I am a huge Notion fan. Um I've been using it for years to organize the podcast. Um, but I also have like my I have like a personal dashboard and then I have the podcast dashboard. But it is great for I love the applications you just listed for like if you're right, if you're a writer, obviously you want to organize posts or whatever, but for homemakers doing meal plans, doing um like scheduling, you know, you could even like ask it if especially if you have the AI, because there's an AI app, there's an AI add-on to the notion. Um, you know, it makes it a little bit extra because they have a free version and then they have a paid version, and then you can add on the AI. But the AI is really quite good. It like pulls from I think three or four different um large language models and will give you answers to all sorts of things. So it's a very helpful tool. I love it. I use it all the time. Um, okay, tell me about your uh favorite homemaking hack or tip. Doesn't have to be original to you, just something you appreciate.

SPEAKER_00 58:17

Yes, this is a random one, but I think a great homemaking hack is cleaning out your car on a uh weekly or frequent basis. Um, just going in the backseat and pulling out all the kids' stuff, vacuuming the crumbs, you know, refreshing the air freshener if you have one. But doing that consistently just makes your driving less stressful. You just feel calm in your car. It just feels like a nice uh little space just just for you. Um, even when there's kids making a big mess or a hole of blue in the back of the car, you know that at least this car was clean. And yeah, so cleaning your car is a great uh thing to do consistently.

Allison 59:01

Absolutely. I agree 100%. And to make it even easier on yourself, if you can do this, I mean this takes training, but train yourself. I had to do this for myself. Train yourself and train your kids. Every time you get out of the car, take something with you. Like, don't just leave empty-handed from the car. Always like grab a, if there's like a piece of garbage in the back, just grab that and take it with you. Um, it will help when you have to actually clean the car later. So okay, tell me about your signature dish. Do you have one yet or are you working on one?

SPEAKER_00 59:34

Um, I kind of I do have one. So I am known for um deviled eggs when there's a family party or friend gathering or just anything. Everybody's like, can you make the deviled eggs? So I always make deviled eggs.

Allison 59:54

Do you have a do you add anything like unique to it, or do you just have kind of like a traditional deviled egg recipe that you follow?

SPEAKER_00 1:00:03

I keep them really simple most of the time. It's just mayonnaise, mustard, salt, and pepper, but everybody loves them. Um obviously you can add spices on top, like I do sometimes dill or paprika. I have made them before with some um relish in them, and that's pretty good. Um, but I do also like to decorate them for different seasons. Um, so sometimes how do you do that? You can add a little food dye to them to make um pastel colors for Easter. Um, I've made them, I've kind of shaped the yellow part. Um I've made it orange and then stuck a little scallion in them to look like pumpkins for Halloween. Um fun. Yeah. You can dip the egg whites once you've shelled and halved them. You can dip the egg whites back into some dye and make different colors like like red and green for Christmas. Um, so there's different ways to just make them just, you know, the same deviled egg, but look a little cuter for whatever uh festive. Yeah. Yes, exactly.

Allison 1:01:13

Oh, that's so unique. I've never heard of doing that and making your deviled eggs look seasonal and festive. I love that idea. That's so fun. Yeah. Okay, let's talk about the art of home. How do you see homemaking as an art and where do you find beauty in it?

SPEAKER_00 1:01:30

Um, besides uh coloring eggs all year long. Um I do uh I think that homemaking is an art because it's a blend of multiple backgrounds and you know, all of the generations before us that have passed down their traditions or their skills or their habits, you know, good or bad, they pass it on to me and they pass it on to my husband, and then we blend our personalities and backgrounds together, and we pass that on to our daughter, who will pass it on to future generations. So I see the art and the beauty in that um that tradition there. It's almost, you know, it's similar to stories that have been passed down from generation to generation. It's our our home and our family is our story. And it's it's written by those who came before, and it's written for those who come next.

Allison 1:02:34

I love that. That's so good. So, what's one thing about homemaking that you're thankful for?

SPEAKER_00 1:02:41

Um, I think very much so in the last couple of days and weeks as I've been winding down as a career-oriented woman. Um, which, you know, the career is still there. It hasn't gone anywhere. I can still come back to it at any time. But I am savoring the time, just the time that I have to cultivate the relationship with my husband, even you know, deeper than we have been able to before, and cultivate the relationship with my daughter and really, you know, be a part of shaping her into who she will be. Um, just I'm so grateful to be able to do this at this time in my life. Um, and like we said before, the seasons may change, and in 10 years, who knows, my daughter might be a teenager and want nothing to do with me and you know, beg me to send her to public school or you know, take me out of the house because she's got friends coming. I don't know. But I am really just you know trying to slow down time and savor it as long as I can, and being able to be home full time is just you know such a blessing. And I'm just so thankful that I'm able to do it now.

Allison 1:04:02

Hmm, that's great. Let's talk to the other women listening. You're in the middle, you're in the trenches, so we'll talk to the older women and we'll talk to the younger women. So, first the older women. How can older generations help homemakers like you thrive in your practice of the art of home? People in your generation, what do you need help with?

SPEAKER_00 1:04:27

A lot of things. Um I I feel like this advice or this um comment has been made before. Um, but I think for older women, they you know sometimes need a reminder or need to realize that those of us in the trenches are not parenting and not homemaking in the same world that they parented in and they made their home in. Like it's only a few decades apart, but the differences are staggering sometimes in what what young moms and and young homemakers are facing in society. Yeah, it is worlds apart from where it was before. Um even thinking back to my childhood, which was you know 20, 30 years ago, is yeah, it's way, way different now as a mom and the the things, the challenges we have to navigate and the you know, the internet, the social media, the you know, um mainstream, uh whatever is the most popular thing out there is sometimes you have to kind of um you really have to know what's coming into your home and and what your children are being exposed to. But that's a whole nother rabbit hole we could go down. But it's just yeah for the older women, just to know that it's not the same as it was for you, whether that's more difficult or some things are easier. It's just it's just not the same. Yeah.

Allison 1:06:07

Yes, I agree. I agree. That's a good perspective uh to keep in mind. So, what about the younger women? What's a word of advice or encouragement that you would give to them, those younger women who are coming behind you?

SPEAKER_00 1:06:20

Yes. I think we talked a little bit earlier about the acronym FOMO, fear of missing out, um, and and feeling, I think a lot of us in my generation and and younger generations feel the need to keep up with the Joneses and compare, especially because we're so online and we see everything that everybody is putting out there. Um, and it can feel overwhelming and feel like you're not doing enough or you're not um, you know, making enough, or you're not your house isn't beautiful enough. But I would say to be, you know, take time to learn how to be comfortable with FOMO. Um, and I've I've seen some people change the acronym to joy of missing out, like JOMO, like being being happy that you are, that you're disconnected from all of the noise, and and being okay with silence and sometimes boredom, and being okay with things that are just enough. Uh, so I would say try to cultivate that mindset in yourself and in your family earlier than I did, I think.

Allison 1:07:35

That is excellent advice. I love and I love I love the Jomo. I hadn't heard that before. That's really, really good. I'm gonna start saying that now. Joy of missing out. Yes, yes. Well, Kristen, thank you so much for being here and sharing all about your journey as a homemaker and congratulations on getting to stay home now full time. I just all the best to you and your family as you move forward.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:59

Thank you so much, Allison. I'm really looking forward to this season and all the seasons to come.