Babbling about Adult ADHD, Burnout, And Big Decisions

#207: Ever feel like your brain is sprinting while your life asks for focus? That’s where we start—naming burnout, tracing the tiny clues of drifting attention, and sharing how therapy raised adult ADHD as a real possibility. I walk through a low-dose stimulant trial that did something unexpected: it slowed me down in the best way, made me more patient, and cut the constant urge to respond to every ping. Then came the catch—insomnia. We dig into immediate-release versus extended-release options, why bupropion is on the table, and the bigger question of whether multitasking actually helps or quietly drains you.

From there, we shift to a decision I’ve wrestled with for years: breast implants. I lay out the full arc—saline first, silicone next, pain and displacement, and finally explant when my lifestyle and comfort mattered more than volume. Along the way, we separate breast implant illness concerns from my actual lab and hormone picture, talk through weight changes and training that reshaped how I feel in my body, and explore the tension between fitting clothes and choosing what truly fits me. No scare tactics, no clichés—just the real math of revisions, long-term risks, costs, and the reality that implants aren’t a one-time choice.

If you’ve wrestled with looping thoughts, the stigma of controlled meds, or the pressure to alter your body to meet an external standard, this conversation is for you. We’re choosing clarity over chaos, function over performance, and decisions that serve today without forgetting tomorrow. Listen, share with a friend who needs it, and leave a review to tell me: where are you trading speed for peace—and is it worth it?

Transcript

Welcome Back And Burnout Check

Johnna 0:00

All right, guys, welcome back to another episode of the Babbles Nonsense podcast. Today we are talking about ADHD in adults. We are talking about breast implants and all the things I've been up to. So, yeah, stick around if you want to hear more about that. All right, guys, welcome back. Um, so thank you for bearing with me on that very short episode last week. I've just been so physically and emotionally drained lately. I think I had just a high rate of burnout just from working so much and whatnot. Um, but knock on wood this week has been a little bit better already starting out. I mean, I know it's only Tuesday, so we'll see. We'll see how it goes. But I just wanted to talk a little bit about some things that I have been kind of going through, and maybe someone else out there can relate a little bit. First, I want to just say with everything that was going on last week, uh, I well, we always do our book club once a month. It's a bunch of girls that, you know, we get together. And yes, actually, we we do do a book club. Um, do I read the book every time? No, not very much because I it's just time consuming to sit down and read, which again, I could give up my reality TV and do some book reading, which would probably be more beneficial for my brain. But I don't always read it, just depends on how much I have going on, like with work and not whatnot. Plus, I do a lot of reading, and I know people are like we're tired of hearing you. I do a lot of reading at work, like a lot of chart reviews with my veteran job. So reading for 10, 12 hours a day, and then thinking about going home to continue to read sometimes is just not in my forte. So I try my best to get into audiobooks. If you've been listening to this podcast for a while, you know sometimes for me that is just I've talked about how it's hard for me to pay attention. I'll try to do it while I'm at the gym, you know, if I'm on a long distance drive, and I never fails within five to ten minutes. I'll like snap back into the listening to the book, and I'm like, what is going on? I do that with reading too, but I just go obviously go back and reread it. So I do a lot of rewinding when I'm listening to an audiobook, but I'm like, okay, I kind of get the gist. But then at book club, when we are trying to um discuss it, sometimes I'm like, I don't remember reading that or listening to that, but then obviously my daydreaming or whatever I'm doing. Thinking about 20 things at one time, probably if I had to guess. Um anyways, I hosted book club this um weekend after like two weeks of just stress from work and being behind because our port we have portal issues at work and whatnot. Um, but it was a great book club. I, you know, I'm not I don't I haven't I don't host a lot because I'm just not the most social creature in the world. Who would have thunk? Um, but it is nice to like do it, especially adulting or whatnot. But like just trying to time food, like go y'all parents, moms, people who do big things like Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner, like go you, because trying to time foods is just kind of hard. And then we definitely have some like different allergens or whatnot or preferences and diets in our group. Like we have some vegans, vegetarians, I'm gluten-free. So, like just trying to offer options for everyone. And then I also don't like running out of things, and I don't want someone to do without just because I personally have um my gluten allergy, so I know what it's like going somewhere and just not having something, so just kind of over-purchasing. But overall, it was great. We all had a great time. Um, but I just wanted to mention book club because it was like I think that's the third time I've hosted. So it was just nice having some people over and gathering or whatnot. Um, but anyways, what I wanted to talk about mostly this week, things that have been on my mind for a good few weeks, I just haven't brought up on the podcast yet, are ADHD in adults and breast implants. Um, two very totally different things, but two things that have definitely been on my mind. So let's start first with the adult ADHD. So we hear a lot about ADD and ADHD in children, especially more talked about now, where when I was a child, we didn't talk about it. Like if you were a hyperactive child, you just better figure it out. Like you're gonna get your butt whooped from your parents if you weren't paying attention in school or whatnot. Um, so I like I talk about me going to therapy, and I have a new therapist that I I really do love. She's she's my age, so I think it's just more of a fit when it comes to what we talk about and just being similar ages and whatnot. And I've been going to her for probably two to four months now. Not four, probably two to three months now. And we, you know, we talk about, you know, dating, my family, work, friends, all the things. And, you know, when you get a new therapist, you have to start from the beginning, and then you, you know, this is the first therapist that I have had literally stop me when when I was talking about something and just be like, have has anyone ever tested you for ADHD? And I was like, She was like, and I hope I'm not offending you by saying that. And I was like, You're not offending me. I was like, no one said anything. I said, but if I had to guess like my personality and just knowing myself, I would assume I have it. Like I don't know where at on the spectrum I would fall, but I said, I would assume I have it. Like I multitask, which I don't okay, we'll get into that in a minute. I feel like I was like, but I don't know because like I've, you know, I've been able to focus on work, I was able to focus on school, and I've been able to do that, you know, my entire life. But I do remember when I was a kid in, you know, like elementary school getting in trouble a lot for just talking a lot and not being able to pay attention, but you have to figure it out, right? Like when I was growing up in the 90s, you had to figure it out. Or again, parents were gonna whoop you. So I just remember learning that the way I coped was like I would either like doodle, draw, like I I remember drawing flowers a lot or boxes, whatever, just on the edges of my paper, take it, and then I had to learn like just take notes, just write down everything they say repetitively because that was the only thing that could get me to listen and focus. And then I remember that was the same way in nursing school. I remember I was doodling one time and the nursing teacher called me out and she was like, Miss Grimes, can you repeat back everything I just said? I see you're not paying attention to me. And of course, I repeated back everything she said, and she was like, Oh. And I was like, Yeah, I just this is what I have to do. I have to doodle, keep myself distracted. And I do it now as an adult. Like if I'm on the phone, like with work or a conversation with a parent, or not a parent, um, like a patient's family or whatnot, I either am pacing my house, I'm walking, or I'm doodling on a piece of paper. So I always have to be doing two things at one time. And I was like, but I have no problem focusing on work, right? Like I get my work done, everything's great. But she was like, Yeah, but I really think you should talk to someone because the more we speak, she was like, I've noticed a trend whenever you talk about like friends, dating, um, work. You logically know that you're looping, like you keep thinking about the same thing or ruminating over the same thing. You logically know you're doing it. And you ask multiple people for their opinion, and it doesn't matter what they say, 50% could say yes, 50% could say no, or 100% could say yes, and you're still not convinced that's the answer. So you just ruminate and you loop. And she was like, I just think it's a you know, just something in the toolbox to think about. And I was like, okay, well, I'll talk to my doctor about it. So I made a doctor's appointment, I talked to him. Fortunately, he was a also colleague at one point, so he was, you know, he he's seen me for years and how I've worked and whatnot. And he was like, Well, I'm gonna put it this way it's going to be hard to diagnose you at this point because I'm almost 40. He was like, There's a spectrum, like there's mild, there's moderate, there's severe, whatever, there's a spectrum, right? He was like, and you're in when you look at ADHD with the attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, like, yes, you're very hyperactive, you have hypervigilance, you ruminate, you lube. Is that because you truly have ADHD? Or is that because your dopamine's low, because your cortisol's been spiked, because you've always worked in very stressful environments, or is it because you've compensated so well it would be hard to do the test? He was like, So the he was like, My recommendation is try you on medication and just see. And I was like, oh, really? I was like, I don't know. There's so much stigma around ADD, ADD, and ADHD medicine because it's a controlled substance. And I don't know about y'all, but like that's just how I feel. Like, that's because I'm in healthcare, like there's just I don't know, there's a stigma around it's almost like when you pick it up from the pharmacy, is the pharmacist looking at you like, well, what are you doing? I think it's just because the medication is highly abused and it's used by people who don't need it often. Like I know several people in college that would use it just to focus and get through college. I've never done, like, I've never taken an Adderall or any stimulant medication. I've just never done it because I drugs are bad. Maybe one day we went that's a whole different story for another day. But my anxiety level, I just think it would not be a good time and wouldn't be a good time for anybody. So I just don't do drugs. Like, that's just not for me. I've just I'm paranoid about everything. Um, but anyways, um I was like, okay, I'm willing to try it. Like, let's just see. Like, you know, this should be like a quick response, right? Like, I should know in a day or two. He was like, Yeah, you'll know in a day or two. If you get more calm, if your symptoms get better, then we know the answer. And he was like, and I was like, okay, well, let's try it. So he prescribed me Adderall and he was like, I'm gonna put you on a low dose. He was like, so I was like, okay, so I picked it up from the pharmacy, saw that it was the extended release or whatever, and I talked to my friends that have been on this as an adult, and I was like, What do y'all think? And they're like, Well, I don't really love the extended release because I guess most ADHDers are women usually, and I don't know that statistically to be true. I'm just saying that from like my friends who I talk to about it. I see more women be diagnosed with that. And I, of course, I was doing all this research on ADHD and symptoms, and like the symptoms-wise would be like irritability in patients, cutting people off, not letting people finish their sentence. And women can highly function in jobs, and that's why it's misdiagnosed a lot. And I was like, uh, yeah, I check all those boxes. But my friends were like, I don't like the I I've tried it, I didn't like the extended release because it worsened my insomnia and all the things. So I tried it, and I the first day I was just like, okay, I actually feel like more patient. I'm letting people talk more because if you've listened to this podcast for a while, when I have a guest, like I interrupt them a lot because I feel like the thought's fleeting and it's gonna go away, and I I'm impatient. Um, I was less irritable. I was, in my opinion, slowed down, which was something that I didn't think was what a stimulant would be. I thought like my friends that I know that had used it in college that maybe weren't ADD or ADHD, they were sped up. They felt like they could stay up for hours, they could do whatever they wanted, like or not wanted, but like focus on school, get the test done, clean their apartments, do everything that they had to get done. And I was thinking of it like that. And in my opinion, I felt like I was more slowed down. Like I couldn't focus, like multi- what I call multitasking. Like I feel like I can do a lot of things at one time. Like, for example, if I'm working um and then I get an email, I can open my email, still be working on the other chart at the same time while I'm responding to a text message. I I feel like I can do it all, but I think the irritability comes in because I can't perform at 100% for all, right? Like we know that. Like you can't be, your brain can't, it's almost like a computer. You can have all these tabs open, but you can't be everywhere at one time. So then you become irritable because you can't perform to the top of your ability because you're multitasking and switching between so many things. So the first day I took it, like I was at my full-time job and my part-time job kept texting me. And typically, like, because I have I wear a watch and it vibrates when I get a text message, typically that would make me like anxious because I'm like, I really need to answer that. I really need to answer that. In my brain, I'm saying that, like, obviously, not to the patient. I'm still paying attention to my patient. But I think sometimes that's where the impatience comes in because I'm like, I really need to answer that. So, like, I'm gonna need you to hurry up. I again don't say that to my patient. I'm just thinking it in my head. And that is distracting. You know, that doesn't, that does take away from your focus more than you think. I didn't realize how much it was taking away from my focus until I took this medication because when I took it on the first day, I was like, okay, my watch vibrating is not bothering me. Um, I'll get to those text messages when I can. Those can wait. And typically, if you're my friend or you know me, if you text me, I'm texting you back immediately, 30 seconds. Like I don't do the whole, even if I'm dating you, I'm not waiting the whole five minutes, whatever, because I'm impatient most of the time. And I don't know if that's because my brain is at full speed or what. Okay, so I didn't have I didn't have trouble falling asleep the first night, but I did wake up at 2 a.m., which is not typically abnormal for me. Like I wake up a lot at 3, 3:30 because that's a whole nother thing, cortisol dysregulation and stress and whatnot. So I wasn't like super concerned the first night because I was like, oh, I fell asleep easy, no problem. Everyone says they have insomnia. Well, the second day I took it, I noticed the same thing. Like I was less irritable, I was more patient, I was able to get my work done. But then that second night, I was so exhausted and could not like I fell asleep and I woke up I think an hour and a half, two hours later, wide awake. And I was like, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, we're not doing this because I already suffer from insomnia. We're not doing this. So I stopped the medication for two days, not taking it obviously while while recording this. So if you're like, oh yeah, I can tell, no, I'm not on it today. And I just messaged my doctor after doing some more research because I did some more research on it, just saying, like, the immediate release is a little bit less um, it doesn't last as long, like it metabolizes quicker. So a lot of people suffer less from insomnia. Or my other option, and I'm kind of leaning towards the other option, is well butrin, which is a typically an antidepressant, but it functions similarly because it's it does increase your or reuptake. I don't know if it's increases or a reuptake, one or the other, the noreepinephrine and the dopamine, which is usually what ADHD and ADD people lack, and kind of the stimulants are doing that, they're increasing your dopamine and norepinephrine. So I was like, okay, well, the difference is is well butyrin doesn't give you that focus like the stimulants do, but it does help the dopamine and norepinephrine, but it just takes longer to see if it's gonna work because with any antidepressant, it takes anywhere from two to four weeks to kind of fully get in your system and see if it's gonna work for you. So Googling obviously chat GPT, whatever, yeah, don't come at me for ruining the environment with Chat GPT, but having a whole conversation. So the options are, you know, the Adderall immediate release and or starting Well Buterin. But we know the Adderall is gonna start working quickly, and we're gonna know pretty quick within that one to two days if that's going to work. If it gives you the focus, less insomnia, then then we have our answer. If the insomnia returns, then you can start on well butrin, but it's gonna take three to four weeks to be in your system. So that's the option we're opting for. So I'll do an update on that. But again, still in my head being a healthcare provider about being on a controlled substance and just the stigma around it. But and I don't know if I love that I feel like I can't multitask. Like, I feel like I can't do as many things as I once did. But even when I'm talking to my friends and stuff, like, are you really getting everything done when you're multitasking? Are you just doing like if you have four things to do, are you giving it 25%? Because a person can only give 100%. So are you only giving each thing 25%? And then when you take the medication, you can only focus on one thing. So you're giving it 100%. It's just taking you longer because you're actually focusing. I don't know. So to be determined, I will keep you updated on that. I will say it's completely stopped my looping and ruminating. Like if I had a thought or like how I kind of get anxious about things, I would have a thought, question it, ask the person, and that was the answer, and I let it go. So I was like, maybe there is something to it. Maybe I do have ADHD undiagnosed for years, but who knows? To be determined, we'll let you know. Second thing I want to talk about, breast implants. And the reason why I want to talk about it is because well, there's a stigma around it, and I've had them before. I took them out. Um, if you haven't listened to some episodes like way when I first started the podcast, let me just do a quick recap. So I have always naturally been like a full D breast in high school. I think looking back, that was probably the birth control that I was on, hormones, the foods that I was eating, also baby fat. Like we're all going through that period where our bodies just really aren't, you know, whatever. I wasn't the most healthy person like growing up, like just in general, anyways. I had a lot of people ask me all the time, did your parents let you get breast implants when I was in high school? And I was like, no. But then I went to c started going to college, started getting more into fitness, health, nutrition, all the things. Started eating more healthy, started running, started working out, and naturally lost weight, which in some women like you lose weight in your breast. And I had lost like upper pole volume, but was still a decent size. It wasn't that I was unhappy with the size, and I don't, I don't hate small breasts. I love like I actually prefer the look, in my opinion, just being more athletic and stuff like that than I am now. But I went to a surgeon in 2010, and I was just like, look, I'm looking kind of just for a prettier look, like not really larger, just prettier look. And he was like, Oh, you've definitely got to get implants and not doing my research and being young and dumb. I was like, Are you sure? Because I really want to lift. And he was like, You're just too young, I'm not gonna do that. And I was like, Okay, well, then if that's what you think, then you're the surgeon. Underwent the surgery, had a you know, a breast augmentation with saline implants, woke up, hated them immediately. Like, and I know after surgery, there's a lot of like they say that you have like this anesthesia, depression, or whatnot, or regret. But I just knew in my soul of souls, I was like, this is just not me. Like, I don't like them. They're too big. They don't look good. I was like, I just don't like them. And um, they were heavy, like it just didn't go with like working out, like running and stuff like that. I always had to wear two sports bras. And then about five years after I got them, so in 2015, my left um implant started hurting a lot on the lateral side near the armpit. And it felt like it just kept moving more towards my armpit. And I like I could not go without a bra without like a lot of pain, or if my dog like accidentally like sat on me, it was just excruciating pain. So I went back to my surgeon, like, something's wrong. And he was like, Nope, everything's fine. And I was like, Are you sure something is wrong? And he kept telling me everything was fine. So I was like, No, I've got to get a second opinion. I just this is just too much pain. So I went to someone in Nashville, like a reputable surgeon in Nashville, telling him everything. He assessed me, he was like, I really think that your implant is displacing. Like, I think it's pushed itself out of the pocket. I think it's displacing. I think that's what's causing your pain. He was like, I really think we should exchange them. You should get silicone, it'll be lighter on you. And I was like, Okay, told him my concerns, um, switched, did the surgery, um, switched them out to um from saline to silicone, same size. And I and woke up, I was like, okay, these are better, these feel better, they're lighter, they're not as heavy. Well, then at that time, I was just like, it was fine. But then I moved to Nashville in 2017, so two years later, started getting more into fitness, like more crossfit, more heavy lifting, things like that. And that's when I was just like, okay, these are just still too big. Like they're they're not for my lifestyle. I like to lift heavy, I like to work out, I feel like they're just in the way. I don't like wearing two sports bras because when I'd put two sports bras on, I felt like I was more trying to compress them and hide them than I was anything. And I was just like, what's the point? So in 2017, which go back a little bit, after I got my implants the first time in 2010, around probably 2012 or 2013, I was diagnosed with my autoimmune illness with my thyroid, my Hashimoto's. So then fast forward to 2017, like my Hashimoto still had not really like stabilized or anything. But at the time I didn't realize there was optimal levels versus norm, like within range of a lab value. And I was like, there was more people coming out with breast implant illness, right? And I was like, oh, do I have breast implant illness because it can cause autoimmune disease? All these symptoms that they're saying is what I have, which kind of mimic autoimmune disease symptoms. And I was like going back and forth and torn. I was like, do I just take these out as a last-stitch effort to see if that kind of helps my Hashimoto's? Um, because if it does, then it was the implants this whole time. And I also, again, I wasn't happy with the size, they were too big. I was just like, and it doesn't really fit my lifestyle anymore. So I opted to remove them in 2017 because the way my brain works is I'm going to ponder on it until I try it. Like I'm just I'm just am. Like I'm gonna keep keep ruminating and looping. So going back is at the ADHD, or is that just my anxiety? Who knows? We're gonna try to figure that out. Um, so took them out in 2017 and then like loved them at the time because I was probably 20 pounds heavier. So I thought the shape was great, the size was great, it fit my athletic frame, they still looked great in bras, you know, all the things. Well, my thyroid unfortunately did not get better at the time. I actually gained more weight um in 2020. Um, there was just a lot of stress, my thyroid wasn't optimal, and then we didn't realize I had insulin um resistance and pre-diabetes and all the things, right? So it it was not the implants at the time. I'm not saying that breast implant illness is not real because I do think that some women do suffer from it, but I do not think at that time that's what I was going through. I think I was just going through an an unfortunate like autoimmune disease, and then we had some undiagnosed things going on at the same time. And so took them out. But then as we start stabilizing my insulin, my glucose, my um sugar levels, and my um prediabetes, I then started to lose weight. So then I lost 20, 25 pounds and um started being able to gain muscle, which wasn't happening because I also was testosterone and progesterone deficient, probably from the multiple years that I was on birth control, another podcast for another day. But I was just like, okay, so now I am 20, 25 pounds lighter. I have next to nothing breastwise, which is not a like I don't care. Again, sizing is not what bothers me, it's shape. And I it's like it's more so that I can't fit bras. It's not really in like some clothing. And so, like, do we as women change our body to fit fit what society says, like, whether that be bras or you know, um clothing, or do like do we shape our body to fit that, or do we just accept what we have and just try to make it work? And so I have consulted with some surgeons and just been like, this is what I'm considering, but I'm very hesitant because I hated the first two sets, not to mention it's not cheap. Um, so we ain't we're not we're not rich over here, so it's it's a huge decision. Number one, it's another surgery, it's costly. Breast implant illness is a real thing. Like, is that gonna happen? Is it gonna make my autoimmune disease worse? And my biggest fear is looking exactly the same as the first time, and I hated it. I mean, worst case scenario, I've wasted money and I take them out. That's worst case scenario, but it is a huge decision, and I'm not just impulsively doing it this time like I did the first two times. I've actually been thinking about this for almost a year, um, and I still haven't pulled the trigger on it. So we'll see. Also, we'll keep you updated on that because that's just something that's been going through my mind. And I've talked to people who have taken their breast implants out thinking they had breast implant illness, but then replaced them several years later because it's almost been 10 years since I've had them out. So 2027 will be 10 years since I've had them out, and so I'm like, like, and and this is something I don't think people talk about. Breast implants are not just a one in a one and done surgery. Some people think that, especially if you're young. They're like, oh yeah, one and done. They're only FDA approved to last 10 years. Like FDA has said we only know 10 years that they're good. We can't tell you anything after. That doesn't mean you have to replace them if you're not having problems, but that's what they're guaranteed for or studied for FDA regulation. So, like with me, I wasn't thinking when I got them that I could have a complication, it could displace, that I would have to replace them or remove them. Like all of that is cost, all of that is more surgery. And now being older and wiser, I'm like, okay, this is not like that. This could happen again. I could get them again, it could displace again, I would have to have a revision and or take them out. Also, being older, being 40, I don't necessarily want implants when I'm 65, 70. I don't know. Just depends on, like, am I am I a decrepit 65, 70 year old or am I a young 65, 70 year old? Well, we won't know till we get there. We won't know financially what happens. Like, could I could I lose my job? Could something happen that I I need the money to spend. Could my car break down? Do I need an you know, you know what I'm saying? These are all the thoughts that you have to think about. It's not just an impulsive decision, it's just thoughts that I'm having, obviously concerned about, obviously valid. But again, I'll keep you updated on that journey as well. But that is all I had to say. Hope you all stuck with me through that. Um, the babbling nonsense, per huge. But until next time, guys, I will see you next week. Bye.