Babbling About: The Relationship Scripts We Never Questioned w/ Meenu

#225: If your dating life has ever felt like a constant mismatch between what you were promised and what you’re living, there’s a good reason: most of us learned love from stories. We sit down with Meenu from Transcend Into Wellness to look at how Disney movies, romantic comedies, TV dramas, and social media quietly write the “relationship script” in our heads, then leave us confused when healthy love feels calm instead of intense.

We talk about the myths that sneak in early: being chosen as the ultimate prize, rescue as proof of devotion, and the idea that real love should be effortless. From there, we pull on the thread of why so many people chase emotional unavailability, confuse unpredictability for chemistry, and treat butterflies like destiny when they’re often a stress response. We also compare cultural messaging around marriage and divorce, and why staying together doesn’t automatically mean a relationship is healthy or fulfilling.

Then we get honest about the stuff movies rarely show: repair after conflict, the boring middle, and the daily work of emotional regulation. We break down intimacy versus emotional dependency, why keeping friendships matters for long-term wellbeing, and how sex on screen creates unrealistic expectations around desire, communication, and “always on” passion. If you want healthier relationships, this conversation is a reset for your expectations and a reminder to use discernment instead of fantasy.

If this hit home, subscribe, share it with a friend who’s stuck in a rom-com loop, and leave a review. What movie or message do you think shaped your idea of love the most?

Transcript

Why Love Expectations Feel Scripted

Johnna 0:00

What is up everyone? Welcome back to another episode of the Babble's Nonsense podcast. We have Mimi back here today, and she is the host of Transcend into Wellness Podcast. And today we are talking about something that most of us never stop to question, and that is where did our expectations about love and maybe even ourselves actually come from? Because whether we realize it or not, many of us were taught what relationships should look and feel like long before we ever dated anyone. Through Disney movies, romantic comedies, television shows, romance novels, social media, and countless stories about soulmates, fate, chemistry, and quote unquote the one, we all absorbed a script. A script that told us love should be magical, it should be effortless, passionate, exciting, intuitive, and somehow always feel certain about it. We were taught that if two people are truly meant to be together, everything should just fall into place. But what happens when real relationships don't look like that? When healthy love feels calm instead of intense, when communication obviously takes work, when attraction grows over time instead of exploding instantly. But the truth is we don't think many people are dating each other anymore. We think a lot of people are dating the movie they imagined relationships would feel like. And that's not because anyone is broken, it's because we've spent decades consuming stories that quietly shape our expectations about attraction, conflict, intimacy, sex, commitment, self-worth, and what it means to be chosen. So today we are asking difficult questions. Did movies ruin dating expectations? Or do they simply give us a fantasy that real human beings were never meant to live up to? We are going to dive in and talk about the relationship scripts we've inherited, the myths we rarely challenge, and what healthy love actually looks like when the credits don't roll after the first guess. So if you're into this, stay tuned. All right, guys, me and Mew are back today, and we are talking about something that we talked about on the last episode. We said we were gonna do it and we're sitting down and we're doing it, and we are talking about how we are kind of overindulged, if you will, in fantasy and ads and movies and commercials on what love, relationship, sex is all supposed to be like, especially for the woman, maybe not so for the man in this world. Um, but I don't think we realize how much these things, the movies, TV, romance culture, social media, and even Disney shaped what we expected relationships to feel like. We were taught love should feel magical, effortless, passionate, cinematic, deeply intuitive. And then if it doesn't, then you know, obviously something must be wrong with us. But real relationships are usually far less dramatic and honestly probably healthier relationships, often looking nothing like the movies, which I'm sure mean you can touch so much on doing live coaching with everybody in relationships. So that's what we're gonna dive into today.

SPEAKER_02 3:10

Yeah, and it's a topic I I feel like I've been itching to talk about so many for so many months or years now, and I just haven't found a person that's as passionate. And thank you, Jonah, for for partaking in all my passions and my lululus and my thoughts.

Johnna 3:27

I'm very opinionated. I could do pretty much any topic there.

SPEAKER_02 3:30

I love that, I love that, yeah. And we want to also like really talk about when we watch these movies, when we watch even TV shows, even not even to take it to that level, right? Because these are like hour-long things, even advertisements, which are one minute less than 30 seconds, 40 seconds, how that can actually subconsciously really affect it and affect us and take over the subliminal messaging completely in a different direction, uh, regarding our worthiness, regarding feeling fulfilled, regarding feeling complete. Just name anything, right? And yes, we are gonna talk more in context for what it does to women, but we'll touch here and there on what it does to other people too, like kids, for example. Yeah, there's a lot of subliminal messaging when they're gonna be.

Johnna 4:14

Well, I mean, that's where it starts, right?

SPEAKER_02 4:15

Like that's really where it starts. So we'll touch on different things, but here we are on get ready for a wild ride.

Disney And The Rescue Narrative

Johnna 4:22

So we'll have to just start from the beginning. Like obviously, Disney movies, that's what we grew up watching. I think they've gotten better now. But I did you grow up watching Disney movies in India?

SPEAKER_02 4:33

You know, it's so interesting you asked me that. I was just talking to my partner about it. I yes, I did some of them, but I also missed out on a lot of them because in India, what we were actually not told to watch, but what we normalized watching all the time was Cartoon Network. So we watched a lot of cartoons over Disney movies. So I know a few Disney movies, and some of the ones that I know is like Cinderella, I definitely know Snow White and the uh, you know, and the Seven Dwarfs. That's something that I did, but outside of that, I'm like foggy on other things because I didn't pay attention to a lot of, but there's enough subliminal messaging in just those two things.

Johnna 5:11

Well, yeah, so like, and I didn't realize this until a few years ago. I I don't know if there was a documentary or maybe me and you were talking about it, I can't remember. But this did come up about how women at a very young age are taught during these movies to kind of like the whole theme of the movie is to sit and wait for a man to come and rescue you. Yeah. So like Cinderella is waiting for Prince Charming to get her out of um her evil stepmother's house, and you know, sleeping beauty falls asleep and she's basically quote unquote dead until he kisses a man kisses her. Or, you know, the little mermaid, like Ariel has lost her voice until she can get Prince Eric to kiss her. So, like all of these things, it's like the themes in that movie are just women are waiting to be chosen, and then you know, men proving worth through rescue, which you know, obviously that teaches a very young man, like yeah, you know, you have to do that, which might probably is why men our age have most, not all, have trouble like with the reversal of role dynamics.

SPEAKER_02 6:08

Exactly, very much so, and then they get intimidated, and then sometimes the intimidation cause causes them to feel insecure and threatened, and they can't handle a strong woman because again, that's the subliminal messaging for them, you know.

Johnna 6:21

Right, and then some other themes that when I was doing some research in this, they said that a lot of Disney movies show love instantly fixes loneliness, loneliness, and life problems, and then the relationship becomes the reward and the end gold, right?

SPEAKER_02 6:36

Right, it's so interesting, Jonah. It that's so true that I can't I'm just taking a moment here because I'm just like grasping at how true that is, and and and to be vulnerable and and be honest here is I used to be one of those girls, I used to be one of those women, and I think even for me, culturally, and I, you know, I didn't grow up in America, I grew up in India, and culturally it is drilled down to our subconscious that you absolutely need to not only have an education, but you need to have an education, you need to be married, and you need to have kids, and that is how you get significance in the society. If you don't do any of these things as a woman, nobody gives a shit about you, nobody cares about your existence. You are like a waste of peace, right?

Johnna 7:20

You know, that's funny because that's not what I grew up in. I don't know what it is now because I don't have children, and you know, um, but like growing up, born in the 80s, growing up in the 90s, like my mom, I don't really recall my mom talking to me a lot about like, hey, you must get an education, you have to do these things, you can't depend on someone else to take care of you. It was more like, and she never I never had a mom that taught me either way, but like I do know friends that were like, oh no, like a man will take care of me. I just need to marry someone with money. Yeah. Um, obviously, the roles now have reversed. You see a lot of women like, no, I'm gonna get an education. So that's that is a difference of your your upbringing versus mine.

SPEAKER_02 7:58

Yeah, that's so interesting because I feel like in my culture, education is drilled down no matter um whether you're a man or a woman, right? It's like you have to have you have to have straight A's, you have to be number one, you have to do this, you have that's drilled down no matter what your gender is. So that's not something that women get a pass for just because a man is like taking care of them. That's something that's like passed down to everyone. And it's so interesting you say that because my parents also never told me that. But there is also a lot of messaging that you can get, even if your parents don't drill that to you. Again, social circle is a big thing, friendships are huge, and then the TV shows and the movies you watch are huge, and so we're gonna talk about collectively how all that influences these things.

Johnna 8:43

Well, and societal status too. Like, I didn't grow up with a lot of money at all. Like, we weren't even we were very poor class, like we weren't even middle class, or like trying like so. I don't even think that was an option at the time. Like we weren't talked about like or taught like Dugan School, you need to go to college. That just wasn't as like, hey, just get a job when you can.

SPEAKER_01 9:01

Right, right.

Johnna 9:02

That's just what was taught. So yeah. But going back to this Disney theme, like how early do romantic narratives shape, like, how early do you think our romantic narratives shape our attachment expectations? Because I know we talked about attachment styles a little bit on our previous two podcasts, like with anxious attachment, um, secure attachment. Do you feel like these early Disney movies? Obviously, if you've watched Snow White and Cinderella, you've watched them all. Like there's just basically you're just replacing a princess with something different. That's so true. So how do you think that shapes our early attachment style versus like what we see with our parents, maybe?

SPEAKER_02 9:44

Yeah, so I feel like yes, what we see with our parents can be in real time what we're observing, right? So that's that's data right there, and there's no denial of that. But what we consume also takes takes over so much, and what we do consume is these movies. And I would say probably five is the age that I see. You know, when parents talk, I I coach, I work with a lot of women and a lot of moms, and you know, they when they start talking, I don't have kids, and but so when they start talking, it's always five, four or five when they're watching these movies, when they're watching even Peppa Pig, you know, which is so innocent, and they're watching this and what they understand and how they talk about it. Oh mom, I saw this and this happened. So this must mean this, right? It's an instant messaging. So, and you also have to understand, guys, like when we're at this point in adulthood, or even when you're in 20s and watching something, you call it out saying, Okay, that was not that good. This is where this could have happened, this is where that could have happened. But when a child that doesn't have the frontal lobe developed, that doesn't know what's right and what's wrong, and they're watching this, you have to think about it in this way where it's a clean slate. So anything you scribble or anything you write becomes the messaging, anything you write becomes the inherent truth. So it's it's it's almost it makes me paranoid sometimes, right? I mean, I think that's also a reason why I chose to be child free, is that that's an enormous amount of responsibility for the city.

Johnna 11:14

Well, I mean, I will say I think it's gotten better since we grew up. Like obviously, our Disney movies that we had was like Cinderella, a little like what we just talked about, but the ones nowadays, like Brave, yeah, um, Moana, um things like that, where the female isn't waiting on a man, like they're very independent. Independent, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 11:33

I also liked Soul, which which doesn't even talk about romantic relationships and it talks about you know purpose and reincarnation and things like that. So I definitely feel like it has evolved, but even outside the Disney movies, I still feel like what hasn't evolved is regular movies. I feel like they they still need to do a much better job. And you know, subliminal messaging, guys. The thing with subliminal messaging is they're not going to say in the movie, they're not gonna look at the screen and say, you need to have a partner to feel good enough, you need to have these kids to feel good enough, you need to look a certain way to feel good enough. They show that by the actors portraying that image, and so that's what subliminal messaging is. It's not direct, that's why it's subliminal, right? And so if somebody says this is what you need to do, this is what you need to do, sometimes we don't do it just because they're saying it. But when they're acting a certain way and they're behaving a certain way, we watch that and that's what our subconscious captures. So that's what I mean when I say over and over again subliminal messaging, it's really important to catch how that makes you feel.

Johnna 12:42

Great

When Chaos Feels Like Love

Johnna 12:43

little segue there because I have two different topics that I'll talk about on real movies. So the first one is like that quote unquote, if it's real love, it should be effortless. And then, well, three, I guess. And then there's unrealistic expectations about sex in movies. Yeah. And then the meet cute fantasy. So let's start with if it's real love, it should be effortless. That's examples like I I don't know if you've seen these movies, but like the notebook, Titanic, Twilight. Oh, yeah, I've seen all of them. Yeah, where you know the themes are very like intense and they're they're they're mistaken that intensity for compatibility and chaos for passion and constant longing for drama.

SPEAKER_02 13:20

Yeah, and intensity for chemistry too, right? Right. And like, oh yeah. But we're back and forth spark.

Johnna 13:26

When we all watched the notebook, we were all like, oh my gosh, I want to love like Noah, like someone who, but then like with the more things came out about it, you know, how we've came up to the, you know, the the psychology culture or whatever we talked about the two weeks ago, where we're very like maybe too far on the other spectrum. People are starting to like look back at that movie and go, is everyone realizing how toxic that was?

SPEAKER_02 13:50

Yeah, and toxic that was, and also, hey, you're glorifying infidelity. You're you're literally saying cheating is okay as long as there's feelings involved. Right, right.

Johnna 14:02

But when you like coach people, like do you feel like healthy love initially feels less exciting to people, or they're conditioned by chaos to make it feel more like quote unquote love, like we see in the movies? Like, if it's not like that, then we feel like we're not in love.

SPEAKER_02 14:21

It's so interesting because I feel like when people say the latter, right? If it's not like that, it doesn't feel like love. Yes, it comes from the movies, but it also comes from your parents and who you see around that grew up with love, right? Or grew up married, right? So I used to be in a relationship with this guy um when I was 19 years old, and I didn't grow up seeing my parents fight all the time, right? For him, he constantly grew up in environments which were very chaotic, like his parents were constantly fighting. So when we fought two to three times a week, and I was like, this is toxic. I can't do this. This, I'm not able to sleep, I can't be peaceful, I'm constantly thinking about how to resolve this. This doesn't feel good. I don't, I think I want to break up, right? And then he would be like, What do you mean? Everything's great. It's like, what are you talking about?

Johnna 15:12

Like two to three two to three days a week is great for me, is what he was thinking. I know I was like, it's not seven days a week, right?

SPEAKER_02 15:19

Exactly. And so I was like, Am I missing something? Am I crazy? Am I overreacting? And at that age, you know, you're like gaslighting yourself. You think, you know, all these things. And then he goes, Well, my parents fought all the time, so I I think this is the healthiest relationship I've been in. And I'm like, Whoa, you know, yeah.

Johnna 15:36

So then you turn around and go watch a movie, and you're like, Oh, well, maybe it's not so bad.

SPEAKER_02 15:40

Exactly. So, and it's so funny you say notebook because he actually really liked the notebook where Ali and Noah, right? Ali and Noah fought all the time, and so he glorified that. And as a man, you know, like you would think only women glorify these things, but he glorified that, and there was enough evidence to back up that fact for him because of his parents. So it's not just one thing to answer your question. Like, to give me to give you that example of that person that I dated, it was the movie, but that validated something that he already, his subconscious had already accepted that that's healthy.

Johnna 16:19

And I do think two things can be true at the same time, right? Like you can have an intense person who just likes to fight, but you can also have an intense person that is very passionate, that doesn't really know how to express their emotions because maybe they're emotionally immature or they didn't really, they don't know how to process them because they haven't worked with somebody. Right. And when when we're talking about the notebook, like obviously, like looking at it, it can come across toxic, but when you look at the ending of it and they got married and they were together until their 90s, then really was it just the fact that Noah was very emotionally immature and he didn't know how to express how he felt about her until it was too late.

SPEAKER_02 16:54

Yes, I feel, yes, I I there is a lot of things here, right? There's also one really important factor that their style of conflict at the end of the day, however toxic that we see it as, their style of conflict felt normal to them. Yeah, that's something that we have to take from that. That doesn't mean that's right or wrong. Again, everybody's nervous system is completely different. Like if that happened to me, I would be like, I'm out, I'm out in five seconds, right? I grew up where I didn't see constant conflict between my parents. So obviously, when I'm manifesting a partner, I want to manifest a partner that's like super regulated, very patient, never gets angry. That's not boring for me, that's normal for me, that's peaceful for me, right? Yeah, so yes, to answer your question about um how people view relationships, it it's yes, there's a lot to do. I think the fundamental, I don't want to say culprit, but the fundamental messaging starts with the house you grew up in, and then the secondary messaging is what you consume and and the friends that you hang out with.

Johnna 18:02

Yeah, for sure. Do you feel that movies accidentally romanticize this emotional unavailability that most women are chasing these days?

SPEAKER_02 18:11

Oh my god, don't even get me started. I'm gonna cringe so hard. Yes.

Johnna 18:16

I'm sure that's what you see a lot of times out of your clients, is like one partner or the other is chasing someone who's just emotionally unavailable. And yeah, for whatever reason, there's a more of an attachment there than if someone just liked you.

SPEAKER_02 18:29

That's very true. That's very true. And I again, I don't understand it. Um, I empathize with it a little bit. I don't understand it because I could never be again. I'm I can be with somebody that doesn't choose me. I can't be with somebody that doesn't feel like we're on the same level of I like you this much and you like me this much, right? It has to be like balanced out. And so, yes, it's unavailability, it's like glorified again. The chase culture, right? That's that's very glorified for men. Chase her, chase her, chase her. You gotta be the man, you're the hunter. So you have to chase the woman, but the chasing can become stalking, and the stalking can become creepy. And so there are like Indian movies that I watched growing up, which is so cringe now when I think about it. Some actors that I really loved, and they've played these parts of stalker, really, yeah. And at that time, again, I was a child.

Johnna 19:29

Oh my gosh, that's love. Yeah, that's love.

SPEAKER_02 19:32

Oh wow, so behind her, yeah, he's going behind her, he's waiting in the bus stop for her for three hours to come. That's creepy, yeah. That's creepy. That's after she has declined you over three to four times saying, Hey, I do not have feelings for you. And then in the movie, what's more creepy is after the stalking, she ends up falling in love with him. That's more creepy, and so that gives you the subliminal messaging as a man that consent is not a big deal.

Johnna 20:01

Yeah, and I would also say it probably gives a subliminal message of like just keep going after someone saying no, yeah, and eventually they'll just say okay.

SPEAKER_02 20:10

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. And then you wonder why you're unhappy, and then you wonder because you know, all these movies, what they fail to show us in most parts is when they get married, they say, and they lived happily ever after. They just won't show you what happens in the marriage after that, how the attachment styles come, how the unemotional unavailability affects another person.

Johnna 20:34

They don't show you the reality in anything, and they yeah, and they don't show, like, for example, if you want to talk about the notebook since it's so widely known, like it shows that whole dramatic in their teens and their 20s, and then it cuts to them in their 90s, like it doesn't show you, like maybe they did have a healthy 30s through 90s era that was you had the boring stage, you had the we're gonna talk about the stage, we're gonna go to therapy stage. And I think that has a lot to do now with why people give up on relationships so much. It's because they think by looking at this movie, oh, it was just easy, it just happened. And if it's not easy, then it it's not worth it.

SPEAKER_02 21:08

It's not worth it, and also another thing, like you said, you just nailed it. Basically, it's you can't look at a person that's been married for 35, 40 years that has three or four kids, and automatically assume that they are satisfied or fulfilled. Because

Marriage Myths Across Cultures

SPEAKER_02 21:26

the culture that I come from, I I don't know if you know the statistics, the divorce rates are less than 1%. Oh wow. Let that it's it's insane. It's less than 1%. Okay, that means most of the people decide to be married. Now, if you want to talk about the statistics statistics of how many people that are unhappy, oh my god, most of them are extremely unhappily married.

Johnna 21:51

Do your does your culture though like how, for example, divorce wasn't really a huge thing until The 1940s, 50s, where you know, because we weren't women weren't allowed to divorce uh men, men could only divorce, but really because of the laws way back when it was more so like you were leaving a female without anything. Um in India, how is that? Like, do is the woman working? Are they at home? Like, is that why women don't leave? Is there more of a reason why they don't leave if they're unhappy?

SPEAKER_02 22:24

You know what's really sad is the women are working, right? The women are contributing, but it's the subliminal messaging that if you are not married, you are not enough and you are not significant. Their own family members. I've seen this happen with some of my friends, which is really, really sad. Their own family members have abandoned them because they went through divorce.

Johnna 22:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:47

Like your flesh and blood that raised you, that birthed you, you know, they abandoned. So it's not just yes. Is there a big reason that can come from lack of financial independence to women? Yes, but that is not the only reason that I've seen why people don't leave.

Johnna 23:05

More cultural, it is more cultural. Yeah, like so where like I don't know when the shift happened because I didn't look up the statistics on it, but the shift like happened where you know a lot of women now in the US are divorcing more, you know, they're like, you know what, I'm not gonna stay in this unhealthy toxic thing. Right. Um, I wish I would have looked up the statistics on that. Maybe that'll be another podcast.

SPEAKER_02 23:24

Yeah, it'll be another podcast. Well, I did uh listen to James uh Sexton, who is the top-leading divorce lawyer in um United States, and he said that uh the divorce rates are more than 50% now, and in that 50%, more than 70% are extremely unhappy. In that 50%. So that's that's the that's the latest episode that I consumed. So that those are the recent statistics that I heard about.

Johnna 23:49

I've obviously never been married, but I stand by the fact that I feel like in all cultures, especially in the United States, there's too much access to everything, and people genuinely think that if you have a fight or you have to work for something that it's not worth it, or there's just too much access, like social media, DMs, dating apps, like there's just so much access where someone can be like, you know what, this just isn't working for me. Let me go grab the next person because they think it's gonna be better. And I think we touched on this briefly in our last episode. Oh, absolutely. But then you get in that situation and then they do one thing that, and instead of dealing with what's bothering you and fixing it and having honest, healthy communication, we just throw it in the trash and get something new so we don't have to fix ourselves.

SPEAKER_02 24:30

That's absolutely true. It's just a it's literally a form of regulation. It's like you don't know how to regulate yourself. You can't regulate when things are not okay, you can't go to therapy, you can't do the inner work. So you're looking, it's like the classic example that the biggest difference between marriages in India and marriages in the United States, and there's toxicity in both, so I'm gonna come to that, right? Marriages in India is like, okay, a light bulb is not working. Look at why it's not working and fix the bulb. The marriages in the United States are like throw the bulb out and give me a bulb.

Johnna 25:01

Exactly. It is, it is well, and I heard this, and I don't even know where I heard it, but basically they said, Don't love the person you marry, learn to no, sorry, don't marry the person you love, love the person you marry. Which I mean, I like I think they were talking about like arranged marriages back in the day and like how a lot of people it ended up working very well because you do you grow to love people if you like genuinely, like I I remember, and I've me and Ivy've talked about this. I don't know if we've ever mentioned on the podcast. Like when I first met my friend Ivy, she's been on the podcast before. When I first met her, I was like, who is this girl? I can't stand her. And then the more we started talking, I was like, you know what, you're really quirky. I just really I love you. And now, like she's one of my best friends, but like it was that initial judgment. And I could have easily, I could have easily been like, you know what? No, right, my intuition's right, I'm not doing it. But she like we our personalities are just very different, but uh it works in a weird way, it does, and it's also really interesting.

SPEAKER_02 25:59

The concept of arranged marriage, and sometimes arranged marriage can be very successful, is because when you go into the arranged marriage, you are already going in with your expectations literally non-existent and very low. So anything which is better than low becomes great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Does that make sense? But when you have a love marriage and when you know them so much, the expectations are already set at a certain level. So now you're like, you better outperform that when you become my husband, or you're not good enough. So it's it's just the way you're going in itself is so different.

Johnna 26:31

Well, it's just very circular here, right? Like what you just said kind of goes back to the movie theme because when you go into a love marriage, you see all these movies and you think it's just supposed to be quote unquote happily ever after. Yeah, yeah. Because you don't see all those hard things that go on in a marriage. And at the end of the day, love just isn't enough. And that's something that I've had to learn. Yeah, love just isn't enough to sustain a healthy relationship. It takes a lot more than just loving a person.

SPEAKER_02 26:56

It takes a lot more than just loving a person. And then if when you open social media and then they say, if if it's your soulmate, then he shouldn't make you feel like this. If this is your person, then they shouldn't make you feel like this. I'm so sorry, you guys, but that's not how it works. That's not how it works. Sometimes the people that we love the most hurt us, they hurt us the most. And the reason they hurt us the most is because we are going in with an open heart, we are going in with vulnerability. And so when you open your heart and you're vulnerable, you are allowing yourself to get hurt. And it's not that it's because they're not your soulmate, or it's not because they're not this or not that. Relationships are hard. Let's just take a moment of like relationships are not supposed to be easy, they're not supposed to be, oh my god, this is a bed of roses. This has to feel like this has to be like magical fairy tale where we don't have anything going wrong. Everything is just working. And the more you have that kind of messaging and the more you have that kind of expectations, all your relationships are going to suffer. Not just romantic, but you'll notice the same patterns happen in friendships too, because your expectations are not rooted and grounded. They're like somewhere else on the ethers, right? They're not here.

Johnna 28:11

Yeah,

Meet-Cute Fantasy And Real Discernment

Johnna 28:12

I agree. Which kind of leads us into the next one because a lot of people, like in movies, you see that meet cute fantasy where people meet and it's just, oh my gosh, like we're we're so in love, like serendipity, noting hill, you've got male, with the overlay, overlying themes and all of those being believing love should just happen magically, right? And overvaluing quote unquote signs the universe is giving you. Um, mistaking coincidence for destiny, and then just disappointment with normal dating because it's not giving you that, oh my gosh, this isn't this isn't so magical and romantic. And the movies tell me, you know, it's supposed to be so romantic. So if it's not romantic and I'm not getting those butterflies and it's not like this, and my leg doesn't kick up at the end when you kiss me, then exactly it's not for me.

SPEAKER_02 28:54

It's not for me, exactly. And it's so it's it's it's wild, it's wild, and so I feel like every advertisement, every movie, they're trying to sell you a concept of what is right and what is wrong, right? So this is what I've started doing these days in consumption because you've got to be so careful because everything is going into your mind and your brain, right? So when I watch this, I'll literally take an observational seat and be like, okay, this is where I call bullshit, and this is where I feel like they did a really good job. And so learn to start doing that instead of just being like, this is what is happening in the world now, and this is what is accepted. And if it's not like this, then it's not good enough. Because I feel like the more, and this is gonna be very deep about beauty standards, but we're not gonna talk about that today, but this it's like the more we feel not good enough, the more so many industries profit.

Johnna 29:52

Yeah. Well, and it's that simple. And if you think about it, kind of to tag on to that, like we wouldn't watch those movies if that was everyday life because it would be boring.

SPEAKER_02 30:00

It would be boring. You need some drama and spice.

Johnna 30:03

And if you didn't have a fantasy in your head of what you wanted a relationship to be like, then you would have nothing to straw for in the movie.

SPEAKER_02 30:09

Yeah. I completely, completely agree. Yes, yes, to all of that. And and and it's again, discernment is so important. It's just like when we we both made an episode, I think a few months ago, about social media icons or influencers and how to have discernment. Like you need that level or even more discernment when it comes to consuming any movies or shows, even harmless Disney movies. You need discernment to be like, I don't think that's very healthy. That's not a healthy relationship style. That's not that's anxious attachment, that's a wide end, you know? Yeah, call it call it out, like call it out. Don't don't just take it for what they're showing you.

Codependency And Keeping Friendships

Johnna 30:51

And then the last type of movie, well, we'll get, I mean, second to last type of movie that we have is the you compl complete me problem. For examples like Jerry McGuire and Pretty Woman, with the overall themes being relationships becoming identity, um, dependency framed as romance, expecting a partner to heal insecurity, and then abandonment abandonment fears becoming romanticized. All of that, all of it because and I see this in some of my friends, like they cannot go out without their spouse. Um, they don't know who they are outside of their marriage or outside of their children. Um, and again, I know it starts at home, but you gotta wonder like, what did you watch growing up? Like, is this something that you were taught or you that subliminal messaging that you were like, this is what love is, this is what it's supposed to be. And I'm not saying that it's not okay to like obviously be obsessed with your spouse, be in love with him, but I think there's a healthy balance. And I know I've mentioned this on the podcast before, but my aunt, her husband, which was my uncle, died at a very young age. He died of esophageal cancer at age in his 50s. And they had been married um 20, 30 years when he passed. But she said the only thing that got her through that was the fact that she had a healthy balance of in her marriage and with her friends because she didn't have to come back to her friends after years of not speaking to them and say, I really need y'all right now, because they were already there.

SPEAKER_02 32:13

That's right. That's right.

Johnna 32:14

And she and she's always like taught me that. She was like, You have to have that healthy balance because when you have friends that you haven't spoken to in 20 to 30 years because you can't see yourself or your identity outside of that relationship, right? You can't expect them to pick up the phone when something tragic happens.

SPEAKER_02 32:30

You really can't because it's like investment. You got to think about it like investment, right? You're investing in your friendships so that 20, 30 years later, you're like, okay, this investment has grown, and now I have this deposit sitting there. Now I have this money sitting there. And when I say money, the asset that I'm talking about is time because you can always make more money, but you can never get your time back. So that's why it we I call it investing in your friendships. You have to invest in your friendships. If you treat your friends like, you know, they don't mean anything, and you're only making plans with them when your boyfriend is busy or your partner is busy and you're you're like, okay, he's busy. Now I can call my friend. It's like you don't have an independent life outside your romantic partner. Right. I am so sorry, but that's the energy that you're going to receive when that romantic partner is not there.

Johnna 33:24

Yeah, agree. Agree. Um, a few questions along with this. Like, what would you say? How would you tell someone to to discern between intimacy and then that emotional dependency on a partner?

SPEAKER_02 33:39

I think there's so much, right? Again, uh intimacy is are you having conversations about how you're really feeling? Can you be vulnerable about something that you're really scared of? Or can you share with an open heart without defenses? So intimacy can be sex related, real intimacy can also be completely non-bedroom related stuff, which is just having open heart conversations about things that scare them, the things that scare you. That's intimacy right there, right? Emotional dependency is I'm going to feel a certain kind of way until you un unless until you feel that way. So it's like, I'm not gonna be happy unless you're you're happy. It's like it's almost like I'm not gonna make plans unless you make plans. So that's dependency, right? And that has nothing to do with intimacy. It's um there's love, and you know how they how we say there's love and then there's attachment.

Johnna 34:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 34:37

So that's attachment, right? It's not, it's actually not love, it feels like love because of the chemicals, but you're toxically attached to what that person is giving you and fulfilling in you what you actually can do it within yourself. Like I actually know a person that will not hang out with her friends unless her partner is extremely busy. And I had to, you know, not to go into the story too much, but I had to sever that friendship because I am not like that. I'm very loyal to my friends and I love my girlfriends, and I'm they're right or die, and I'm there, you know, irrespective of whether I have partners with my, I mean plans with my partner or not. So again, if you don't invest in it, you can't get any returns.

Johnna 35:22

And I agree. I I've had a friend before, like when I've had to like bring that out and be like, hey, you know, like when I asked you to do these things, and then like you know, the defense response was always like, I can't help it that I just love being around them or I'm happy. And I'm like, okay, no one said you weren't. Like no one, you don't have to, no one says that you don't enjoy being around your partner. Like, that's not the conversation we're having.

SPEAKER_02 35:44

Right, right, right, right. The conversation is you can't leave. It's yeah, it's so funny. It's almost like they take it personal. And and and this person was like, Why can't I have both? Why can't I hang out with you? And why can't I hang out with them? I'm like, wait, wait, wait, this isn't about hanging out. This is about, are you really investing anything in this friendship? It's a it's a totally different subject, right? Yeah.

Johnna 36:05

And then why do you think that some people confuse that anxiety with love? Like they don't realize it's just really their own anxiety in themselves, but they think it's love with the other person.

SPEAKER_02 36:17

And this is again, this is where it comes to emotional regulation, right? It's um when you have a habit of disassociation and you're disassociating um probably with something else. Like, for example, when you're dysregulated, you have dependencies of using food to soothe that, using desserts to soot that, using weed, using alcohol. So when you constantly have that need of dependency on things outside of you, that's when you depend on your partner to soothe your anxiety. So if you have that pattern, I would ask yourself, I would if if you were yourself, I would ask, what else do I depend on to soothe my anxiety? If this person didn't exist, would I depend on anything else to soothe my anxiety? And that itself will tell you that it's not love. Yeah. Because anytime you feel out of balance with yourself and you reach to do something else in that moment, instead of sitting with yourself, that itself starts the cycle of I am not enough, and I need this, aka the substance, this person, this thing to make me feel whole again. That's the that is what you're telling yourself. You don't know that you're telling yourself that, but that's the messaging that you're giving to your inner child and your subconscious.

Johnna 37:42

Agreed. That was beautifully well said. Thank you. All right,

Sex On Screen Vs Real Life

Johnna 37:46

and then the last one that I have like with movies expectation, like unrealistic expectations about sex. And I wanted to save it for last just because like talking about sex between women for whatever reason is yeah, it's literally taboo in this country. Um, and I think this section will probably resonate with a lot of people because movies portray this instant chemistry, effortless communication, simultaneous like orgasms, constant passion, zero awkwardness, and then that emotionally healing sex that it just seems like every time it's like, oh my gosh, that was so passionate.

SPEAKER_02 38:15

Right, right.

Johnna 38:16

Like examples of this would be Fifty Shades of Grey. Everybody's seen that.

SPEAKER_02 38:19

Oh my god, yes, 50 Shades of Grey, yes. In the city, and then the newest one, Bridgerton. Yeah, Bridgerton, absolutely.

Johnna 38:26

Yeah, which you know, like we all know, like there you can have moments like that in relationships, but it's not always like that.

SPEAKER_02 38:33

It's never always like that. And we've talked about this a little bit, but you know, and you know, we've obviously we're talking in this podcast, is um, the sexual pleasure that a woman feels is deeply connected to where she's at in her cycle. You can hate this, yes, it's not romantic. So sorry, fellas, to break your bubble. It's not romantic, but that's the truth. If you're dehydrated, you're not gonna feel that pleasure, you're not gonna feel that fulfillment. If you are stressed, you're not gonna be present, you know, when you're having intercourse. There's so many things that contribute, right? And it's so interesting. The reason it feels really good in the beginning of a relationship or when you start something new, the intimacy or sexual intercourse feels really good, is because you're completely present with each other. You're 100% present with each other. However, it's unsustainable when you've gotten to know someone for over the years or over the months, you're not 100% present with each other. You cannot be 100% present with each other. That's why they say passion dies. It's not because passion dies, it's because presence does shift to other things. You're always more present with something in your life that you're new at. If you're taking a new dance class, you're so present. If you're taking a new workout, you're so present, right? When you're taking up a new hobby, you're so present. So when you start having sex with a new person, you're really present. And that presence is what actually makes the connection, you know, feel like magic. And then that's why people are like, oh, we don't have passion anymore. Well, you're not present, you have other stressors like kids and circadian rhythms and work stress and money and all these things. So it's it's almost glorified again that you have to feel that all the time, but it's not normal. You're not supposed to feel that all the time.

Johnna 40:20

Right. And like you touched on like hormones, stress, kids, insecurity, body image, and then medications that you're on, um, birth control being one of them, or trauma around sexual intimacy. All of that does affect it. But then you know, you look at these movies and you're like, why is my sex life not like that? And then it, of course, it goes back to like when that quote unquote passion dies instead of trying to fix it and get reconnected with each other. Yeah, a lot of people stop dating each other and they put kids before their partner, which I'm sorry, I someone can look at me and say, You don't have kids, you don't know how hard it is. Yeah, it is always supposed to be God, spouse, children.

SPEAKER_02 40:58

It's never supposed to be actually I actually really agree with that. I actually really agree.

Johnna 41:01

Because without your spouse, you wouldn't have those kids. Yeah. So, like when you push the spouse away and tell them they should understand, but at the same time, like I think that men have not also evolved with the fact that women are working more, working longer hours, and they're still expected to be the mom, work, clean, cook, yeah, yeah. Not taking one thing off the plate.

SPEAKER_02 41:23

Exactly. And think about it this way: the girl that you dated that had a job and you went out on this like really nice date, and then you had this great sex at the end of the day, is not the same woman. This woman right now is the mother of your children, packing lunches at 5 a.m., cleaning the kitchen, cleaning the house, making sure everything is going smooth. And whether she's a stay-at-home mom or not, huge respect if you're a stay-at-home mom because your work never ends, right? Or if you're a working mom, your work still never ends. So think about the mental, emotional, spiritual load this person is carrying. And so you want the sex to be good, then you gotta do what you did in the beginning, taking her out, making her feel pretty, hiring a babysitter. It's as basic as that. It's almost like you're not doing any work, but you're expecting the same result, right? It's like even though things have changed drastically. So it is very, very unrealistic when it comes to sex that people think that it should feel a certain way. And I think the other thing that I want to add is when people make these open statements saying, if you're a man, you have to, you know, feel the urge to have sex all the time. And if you're a woman of certain age, you have to feel the urge to have sex all the time. Not a thing, you guys. Not a thing. It literally differs from person to person. I don't care how old you are, I don't care. I know people that are in the 50s that, you know, have very high sexual energy. I know people that are in the 20s that don't. And it could be hormones, it could also be because they don't enjoy it that much. It could be anything.

Johnna 42:52

Well, I think that there's a huge epidemic of hormone deficiency and chronic stress in our in our country in general, yeah. Which obviously obviously correlates into your libido and sexual health and stuff, like which we'll probably do a podcast on hormones. Yeah, I'm currently reading a book right now about you know, gut health fixes your hormones. And so, like, it's very interesting what I'm reading and like the epidemic that we're not talking about. Right. You know, like we all watch the hands. If we want to keep on this TV show theory, like the handsmaid's tale with infertility and stuff like that. It's true. And when you start looking at the statistics and you have to go, what's changed? The only thing that has changed is we have added more chemicals, we have added more processed food, we have added more work stress, work life, you know, more people are single parents of the finances in this country right now. Like even middle class are having a hard time. I couldn't even imagine being like not even making, you know, like people making thirty thousand dollars a year in this country right now is just wild.

SPEAKER_02 43:54

It is wild.

Johnna 43:55

So, I mean, like there are other reasons, and then of course, you know, it goes back to. People being like, well, if if it's just not what it is, then I'm just gonna find someone else. Well, then you know what? At this age, just go do it.

SPEAKER_02 44:05

Yeah, I know. Literally. Comes back to the light bulb again. It's like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna change the bulb.

Johnna 44:12

So to kind of tie all this together, I have a few questions that kind of ties all of this. I want to ask you, like from a life coach perspective. Do you think that we fall in love with people or with potential?

SPEAKER_01 44:24

We fall in love with people or potential.

Johnna 44:28

That's a really like I guess based on like m what we've talked about, like movies and shows and things that we've seen, like subliminal messaging.

SPEAKER_02 44:34

1000% potential. And and when I say potential, I really want you guys also to like um hold other things responsible too. Yes, movies, yes, all these subliminal messaging, but friend groups are a real thing, right? They're a real social media and friend groups are a real thing because they say, Oh, if he's a healthy man, he should one, two, three, do all these like 10 things, and even if he does one thing, he's out, or a healthy woman should and just okay.

Johnna 45:00

I'm gonna even before you say that to add on to that, if your friends go, I don't find him attractive, it gets in your head.

SPEAKER_02 45:07

Yeah, it's in your head, it's in your head, and then suddenly whatever you're feeling, you're disregarding, and they're whatever they're saying takes over the voice in your head, and so this is why it's so important. I even say this to my clients. I've even told this to my close friends, my own close friends, that hey, if you're dating somebody new and you're trying to build something with them, see where this goes. I think it's best if you don't tell many people. Don't tell people, you know, try it, try it for five months, try it for six months and see how that feels. Build that connection authentically, right? So I feel like, what was the question again? I feel like I'm uh giving you a long answer.

Johnna 45:44

Do we fall in love with people or with potential based on like the topics we talk about?

SPEAKER_02 45:53

Rather than people, if you want to fall in love with the person for what they are, what I will say, and if you're listening to this and you're confused about a person, confused about choosing someone, stop talking to people about that person, stop consuming social media and movies for a while and then see where your head's at. Just declutter the noise and see how that feels in your nervous system, not just your ego, but your body, whether you feel safe with this person, whether you feel loved by this person, check it out and see where that's at. Right? But the sad truth is yes, we are still falling in love with potential.

Johnna 46:28

So all of these questions that I'm gonna ask you are based on the topic that we're talking about today. Okay, just FY. Um, so are some people addicted to emotional fantasy more than intimacy?

SPEAKER_02 46:39

Emotional fantasy.

Johnna 46:41

What expectations did movies create that real humans can never meet?

SPEAKER_02 46:46

Perfectionism.

Johnna 46:49

Why do some people lose attraction when relationships become stable?

SPEAKER_02 46:55

Because chaos is chemistry for them and stable is boring for them, and that's their subconscious and subliminal blueprint.

Johnna 47:04

And that's when they toss it and try to get something new.

SPEAKER_02 47:07

Yeah, that's when they toss it and they're like, This is this is too many model for me. There's no ups and downs. You know, the dopamine hits are dopamine addiction is a real thing.

Johnna 47:14

So um, can fantasy make people overlook red flags?

SPEAKER_02 47:19

1000%. Oh my god. And then, of course, when that fantasy wears off, you're like, oh, oh my god, ew, oh becomes ew. Yep.

Johnna 47:29

Um, do we mistake unpredictability for chemistry?

SPEAKER_02 47:34

Yes, we do. Because we're always taught to chase something that we don't understand. So we think that's normal. And when we get a little bit of dopamine and that person responds a little bit, it's called bread crumbing, right? Um, that feels like tiny dopamine hits, which can keep us in the addiction loop.

Johnna 47:52

How much of attraction do you feel is biology versus storytelling in your brain?

SPEAKER_02 47:59

Ooh, very interesting. I think, but I can't give percentages. All I can say is the biological attraction, you feel it in the body. The storytelling in your brain, you feel it in your ego and in your mind. And I so that's how you know the difference. Like when I'm naturally attracted to a person, I feel, you know, something in my body where my body's like, oh, that person is very attractive. Maybe it's the way they carry themselves, the way they speak. But when I go into my head, suddenly all these like conditions come up. Oh, he's not tall enough, he's not built enough. And then I'm like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, I'm attracted to this person. Where is this messaging coming from?

Johnna 48:40

So, yeah, right. I'm I mean, that's I'm pretty sure we've all done that. All right, I got a couple more questions. What's healthier, fireworks or emotional safety? Emotional safety. What do we go for? Emotional safety.

SPEAKER_02 48:52

Always go, what do we go for?

Johnna 48:54

We go for fireworks. What do we go for?

SPEAKER_02 48:56

What do we go for? We're we're thought to romanticize fireworks. So I don't want to say we, but a lot of people, I don't. I I run away from it, but um yeah, I've learned, let me put it this way: I've learned to run away from it, but uh a lot of people are thought to romanticize fireworks because we're thought that fireworks mean sparks. And actually, just a quick hint, you guys, the butterflies and the sparks is actually a stress response. It's not sparks.

Johnna 49:23

Um, are some people more attached to longing than the actual connection?

SPEAKER_02 49:28

Yeah, because longing gives you a story, it gives you a really great story that you can tell yourself. Um, that oh my god, this person got away from me, and then that makes me uh feel some kind of way, blah, blah, blah, blah, you know, fill in the blanks, um, instead of actually, you know, having a real connection.

Johnna 49:46

So that's all the things that I wanted to touch on. Is there anything that we left out, commercials, movies, anything that you wanted to touch on?

Beauty Ads And Final Takeaways

SPEAKER_02 49:53

Um, well, I want to touch on this one commercial that actually one commercial and one movie, which really bothered me, right? And so the one commercial in India is there is this um cream, face cream, that Indian men and women are thought to um, I mean, we're thought to use when I was growing up, and it's called Fair and Lovely.

SPEAKER_01 50:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 50:14

And I didn't understand it at that time when I was seven years old and watching the ad. But then when I saw it later, it was like there was this woman um that was like coming outside the house, and then she sees this man, and she has this like, she's by the way, she's gorgeous. She has this dusky skin, right? And then she looks at this man, and this man like doesn't care about her and just goes on. And then she wears this fat and lovely cream, and then her complexion is lighter, and then suddenly he's all over her. The same woman that he treated like crap. Now he's like all over her. So there is like a very big subliminal messaging, and this which is connected in India, which is really sad, it's still there, which is if you have darker skin, you're not beautiful.

Johnna 50:56

I mean, I think that's the same here. I think a lot of I think there's subliminal messaging around that here as well. Because I, you know, I have I have friends that'll be like, um, I mean, I guess I know what you're saying, but like I know we look like layout in the suns and stuff like that, but I think there's people that glorify certain skin colors and say it's more beautiful than others. Like I remember growing up, it was kind of the opposite. Like I was so pale, I got made fun of a lot. And so I always wanted to lay out in the sun, lay out in the sun, lay out in the sun, whereas now I've damaged my skin and I have had so many precancerous lesions frozen away because I got made fun of for being so pale.

SPEAKER_02 51:33

Oh, see, it's just always the pendulum always swings in so many ways.

Johnna 51:38

Well, I mean, because like growing up in the 90s in America, it was like you had to be tall, thin, white, beach blonde, um, big boobs, big butt, small waist, well, not really big at the time, but it was like big boobs, no butt.

SPEAKER_02 51:52

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Johnna 51:54

Um, and then tan, white teeth, all the things, right? Like the things that you don't realize that you have to have money to to do those things.

SPEAKER_02 52:05

To do those things, exactly. And it's so wild that you say that. Um, I I feel like it's it's changed a lot, it's changed a little bit, right? So the thing that I see in India right now is people don't openly talk about it. Before people would be like, oh, she's not fair skinned. They would just say it. I'd be like, Are you saying these words? They would say it, but now they're not openly talk about it, but it's still there. It's still there, and it's so funny because I think that that was drilled down for me so hard my entire childhood, which is find a man that's like fair, find a man that has a lighter complexion. Everybody that I dated has a darker complexion.

Johnna 52:41

Rebellion.

unknown 52:43

Rebellion.

SPEAKER_02 52:44

And I'm I'm very attracted to men that have a darker complexion because I saw the delusion in what they were talking about, even though uh my frontal lobe wasn't developed. I was like, that's mean.

Johnna 52:56

Yeah, well, I mean, it is mean. Like, I mean, people are born how they're born, like we can't change fundamental things about ourselves that people make fun of you for.

SPEAKER_02 53:05

Yeah, we really can't. And uh the movie that I wanted to touch on, and uh before I touch on it, have you watched Devil uh Only Bears Prada?

SPEAKER_01 53:13

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 53:13

Not the second one, but uh Okay, so in the second part, and check it out when you can. I feel like if you ladies or anybody that's listening to this watched it, I felt like they were showing a really they they were portraying this really great image of this strong woman that's gone through ups and downs in her life and that's built this unbelievable career, and she's really fulfilled with herself, right? That was three-fourths of the movie. Suddenly, they bring this man who is absolutely not connected to anything in this movie, and to almost make it feel like okay, now we brought a man, so now we can say the end.

Johnna 53:55

And oh, there's always there's always got to be some kind of like romantic love interest in movies, like that's like the thing, like usually that's a theme in a movie.

SPEAKER_02 54:03

Yeah, and I was just like, where did he come from? It's like it was I I literally was like, Oh, there all because there were so many amazing things that they showed in the movie, and I would have just been happy the way that it ended. But the reason what I'm saying is I'm not saying, and we're not saying that having a man is bad. We're not saying that um, you know, you can't have partnerships and it can fulfill your life. What we are trying to say here to mainly the women that are listening to this podcast is try to find your own voice, try to find your own worth before taking on uh what the subliminal messaging comes from, movies or ads, or even your, I hate to say, even your parents, your flesh and blood, even your friends. It's like, can you find worth in you without anybody validating whether it's good or bad, right? That is the model of the story. And then if you find a man and then you find a man that's a healthy male and you're in a happy relationship, do you, right? That's amazing. And I'm a big advocate of you, you're happy in a relationship, you're happily married, great, right? But again, happily married doesn't mean it's gonna be rosy, you're not gonna have problems, everything is great, right? Real relationships, honest relationships have ups and downs, right? They have ups and downs. You're gonna fight, you're gonna disagree, you're gonna have seasons where things feel really off, and then you're gonna feel seasons, you're gonna have seasons where things feel really good. So, again, take watch the movie, guys. That's why we call it entertainment. It's entertainment, yeah. That's it. Watch it for entertainment. Don't take the messaging and don't be like, oh, what can I learn from this character? Like, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's all entertainment, right?

Johnna 55:46

It is, and like I said, like if we all had that in our real lives, we wouldn't want to watch the movie because we'd be like, we see this every day. But also, like, we're like, I mean, you said we're not we're not saying one way or the other, we're just talking about like kind of like what we see, yeah, talking to people or doing these podcasts. And then I have friends that their love story really was like a movie, and that's wonderful. But I think that when we all think it's supposed to be supposed to be like that exactly 100% of the time, that's when we get caught up in that fantasy of that's not real life.

SPEAKER_02 56:16

Yeah, that's not real life, and also saying if you're married and you know, uh in the in this day and age where divorce is over 50%, um, people have this like devastating crash when there is a breakup or when there's a divorce because again, that's it's shown that it's like the end, right? It's the end for you. It's it's this like crushing soul, soul crushing pain and things like that. And doesn't mean that it shouldn't be painful, but that doesn't mean that's ended. That just means that okay, it didn't work out, and and you get to look at, okay, what issues do you want do you have to work on? How is your next partner gonna be, right? So there are lots of supplemental messaging that tell you this is okay, this is not okay, this is okay, that is not okay. So before you take it in and accept it as a fact, just sit with that, check the facts, regulate yourself again and again, coming back to the big point here: regulate yourself before uh making a decision.

Johnna 57:13

Agreed,

Closing Thoughts And What’s Next

Johnna 57:14

agreed. It's always a pleasure doing these podcasts with you. I always learn so much, and I hope you all listened and liked it and was like, yeah, I see that.

SPEAKER_02 57:23

I see that, yes. And we'll we'll talk about more, I guess, controversial topics, uncommon opinions. We're always going to jump in and make a part about it. So stay tuned, guys. And thank you so much for tuning in.

Johnna 57:35

All right, guys, until next time. Bye. Bye, I think.