{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"startTime":2.009,"endTime":6.799,"body":"Welcome to path to peace with"},{"startTime":2.009,"endTime":6.799,"body":"Todd Perelmuter. I'm your host,"},{"startTime":6.877,"endTime":11.511,"body":"Todd Perelmuter our world is a"},{"startTime":6.877,"endTime":11.511,"body":"projection of our collective"},{"startTime":11.589,"endTime":16.537,"body":"consciousness, the more peace we"},{"startTime":11.589,"endTime":16.537,"body":"bring into our lives, the more"},{"startTime":16.615,"endTime":21.72,"body":"peace we bring into this world."},{"startTime":16.615,"endTime":21.72,"body":"So, let the transformation begin."},{"startTime":25.17,"endTime":32.52,"body":"codependency is when we are"},{"startTime":25.17,"endTime":32.52,"body":"sacrificing constantly for a"},{"startTime":32.52,"endTime":37.59,"body":"partner or a family member, or"},{"startTime":32.52,"endTime":37.59,"body":"an entire family, and we are"},{"startTime":37.59,"endTime":43.17,"body":"giving and giving, really out of"},{"startTime":37.59,"endTime":43.17,"body":"fear of rejection."},{"startTime":44.91,"endTime":50.55,"body":"It involves focusing on others"},{"startTime":44.91,"endTime":50.55,"body":"at the expense of ourselves"},{"startTime":52.08,"endTime":55.5,"body":"trying to control situations"},{"startTime":56.97,"endTime":59.67,"body":"and avoiding conflict."},{"startTime":61.83,"endTime":65.58,"body":"Now we can see that codependency"},{"startTime":66.69,"endTime":70.74,"body":"is a bit of a double edged"},{"startTime":66.69,"endTime":70.74,"body":"sword, because"},{"startTime":72.06,"endTime":80.01,"body":"these are really kind, loving"},{"startTime":72.06,"endTime":80.01,"body":"giving selfless people."},{"startTime":81.27,"endTime":81.93,"body":"And"},{"startTime":83.37,"endTime":89.82,"body":"Jesus could be largely"},{"startTime":83.37,"endTime":89.82,"body":"considered codependent. I mean,"},{"startTime":89.82,"endTime":93.96,"body":"he was self sacrificing to the"},{"startTime":89.82,"endTime":93.96,"body":"extreme"},{"startTime":95.4,"endTime":101.31,"body":"and thinking of others, putting"},{"startTime":95.4,"endTime":101.31,"body":"others first at the expense of"},{"startTime":101.31,"endTime":102.0,"body":"himself."},{"startTime":103.41,"endTime":109.41,"body":"So on one hand, we don't want to"},{"startTime":103.41,"endTime":109.41,"body":"be codependent. But on the other"},{"startTime":109.41,"endTime":116.73,"body":"hand, we love people who are and"},{"startTime":109.41,"endTime":116.73,"body":"it's admirable, to"},{"startTime":118.02,"endTime":123.27,"body":"be that highest ideal. And"},{"startTime":118.02,"endTime":123.27,"body":"although in our modern culture,"},{"startTime":124.14,"endTime":127.77,"body":"we may be moving away from that"},{"startTime":124.14,"endTime":127.77,"body":"we really may be saying that's"},{"startTime":127.77,"endTime":133.05,"body":"bad. Of course, the selflessness"},{"startTime":127.77,"endTime":133.05,"body":"is not bad, it's the suffering."},{"startTime":134.46,"endTime":137.34,"body":"When we are truly selfless,"},{"startTime":138.63,"endTime":148.68,"body":"there is no suffering. There is"},{"startTime":138.63,"endTime":148.68,"body":"no bad feelings, resentment, and"},{"startTime":148.68,"endTime":153.45,"body":"there's no fear. All of these"},{"startTime":148.68,"endTime":153.45,"body":"feelings are me feelings, they"},{"startTime":153.45,"endTime":161.22,"body":"are self focused feelings that"},{"startTime":153.45,"endTime":161.22,"body":"we experience from within"},{"startTime":161.22,"endTime":164.91,"body":"ourselves from hearing our"},{"startTime":161.22,"endTime":164.91,"body":"thoughts and feeling our"},{"startTime":164.91,"endTime":171.51,"body":"emotions. When we create this"},{"startTime":164.91,"endTime":171.51,"body":"identity, this ego inside of us"},{"startTime":172.47,"endTime":178.71,"body":"that is always scorekeeping,"},{"startTime":172.47,"endTime":178.71,"body":"keeping track of"},{"startTime":179.79,"endTime":182.88,"body":"how much have I given how much"},{"startTime":179.79,"endTime":182.88,"body":"have I received how much is"},{"startTime":182.88,"endTime":187.8,"body":"others given and have they"},{"startTime":182.88,"endTime":187.8,"body":"received? And there is this"},{"startTime":187.83,"endTime":191.73,"body":"inherent competition, me versus"},{"startTime":187.83,"endTime":191.73,"body":"them."},{"startTime":192.78,"endTime":197.4,"body":"And there can be no"},{"startTime":192.78,"endTime":197.4,"body":"selflessness. And so"},{"startTime":197.4,"endTime":203.1,"body":"codependence is really halfway"},{"startTime":197.4,"endTime":203.1,"body":"there. To the goal we want to"},{"startTime":203.1,"endTime":207.9,"body":"reach on the outside, it is the"},{"startTime":203.1,"endTime":207.9,"body":"selflessness it is this loving,"},{"startTime":208.14,"endTime":215.67,"body":"sacrificing, giving that ideal"},{"startTime":208.14,"endTime":215.67,"body":"mother we all have in our minds,"},{"startTime":216.78,"endTime":217.8,"body":"and hopefully father's."},{"startTime":219.18,"endTime":225.84,"body":"But on the inside, we are"},{"startTime":219.18,"endTime":225.84,"body":"struggling, we are screaming,"},{"startTime":226.02,"endTime":230.79,"body":"raging, we want to be taken care"},{"startTime":226.02,"endTime":230.79,"body":"of for a little bit. And it's"},{"startTime":230.79,"endTime":236.85,"body":"not wrong to want that we all"},{"startTime":230.79,"endTime":236.85,"body":"deserve to receive as well as to"},{"startTime":236.85,"endTime":245.22,"body":"give to be nailed to the cross"},{"startTime":236.85,"endTime":245.22,"body":"is not everyone's ideal life"},{"startTime":245.22,"endTime":253.74,"body":"path. And that is okay. We all"},{"startTime":245.22,"endTime":253.74,"body":"need to figure out that balance."},{"startTime":253.8,"endTime":258.69,"body":"And that's what's really missing"},{"startTime":253.8,"endTime":258.69,"body":"when codependency starts to"},{"startTime":258.69,"endTime":261.06,"body":"create suffering in our lives."},{"startTime":262.53,"endTime":270.33,"body":"In some societies around the"},{"startTime":262.53,"endTime":270.33,"body":"world, and to some extent, in"},{"startTime":270.36,"endTime":277.23,"body":"most of the cultures, we train"},{"startTime":270.36,"endTime":277.23,"body":"women, especially from a very"},{"startTime":277.23,"endTime":283.86,"body":"early age, to be this selfless"},{"startTime":277.23,"endTime":283.86,"body":"role model to always be thinking"},{"startTime":283.86,"endTime":288.75,"body":"of the family and sacrificing."},{"startTime":283.86,"endTime":288.75,"body":"And just as I'm saying that, as"},{"startTime":288.75,"endTime":294.39,"body":"you may hear, that is a"},{"startTime":288.75,"endTime":294.39,"body":"wonderful teaching, and"},{"startTime":295.65,"endTime":298.74,"body":"it would be a shame if anyone"},{"startTime":295.65,"endTime":298.74,"body":"takes advantage of that"},{"startTime":299.43,"endTime":299.97,"body":"beautiful"},{"startTime":300.0,"endTime":306.06,"body":"culture and tradition of"},{"startTime":300.0,"endTime":306.06,"body":"selfless love. It is such a"},{"startTime":306.06,"endTime":308.46,"body":"beautiful part of this world."},{"startTime":309.66,"endTime":313.08,"body":"But when there are people who"},{"startTime":309.66,"endTime":313.08,"body":"would take advantage of that,"},{"startTime":314.01,"endTime":316.32,"body":"then we have the right to"},{"startTime":317.34,"endTime":324.42,"body":"stand up for ourselves, and to"},{"startTime":317.34,"endTime":324.42,"body":"refresh ourselves to replenish"},{"startTime":324.63,"endTime":326.07,"body":"our spirit to"},{"startTime":327.27,"endTime":334.26,"body":"recharge, and restore our energy"},{"startTime":327.27,"endTime":334.26,"body":"and our strength. We all need"},{"startTime":334.59,"endTime":340.74,"body":"this time. Even Jesus had to get"},{"startTime":334.59,"endTime":340.74,"body":"away from everybody, for 40"},{"startTime":340.74,"endTime":349.17,"body":"days, and to enter that state of"},{"startTime":340.74,"endTime":349.17,"body":"deep peace and strength, in"},{"startTime":349.17,"endTime":350.34,"body":"order to"},{"startTime":351.63,"endTime":357.6,"body":"give his life to his fellow"},{"startTime":351.63,"endTime":357.6,"body":"humans and to stand up to the"},{"startTime":357.6,"endTime":358.62,"body":"Roman army."},{"startTime":361.41,"endTime":366.63,"body":"And if we don't have 40 days to"},{"startTime":361.41,"endTime":366.63,"body":"get away from everything, we"},{"startTime":366.63,"endTime":371.55,"body":"always have a little bit of time"},{"startTime":366.63,"endTime":371.55,"body":"in the morning. And in the"},{"startTime":371.55,"endTime":373.53,"body":"evening, we know we can always"},{"startTime":374.79,"endTime":378.33,"body":"go to bed 10 minutes earlier. So"},{"startTime":374.79,"endTime":378.33,"body":"we can meditate, we can always"},{"startTime":378.36,"endTime":381.36,"body":"set the alarm 10 minutes"},{"startTime":378.36,"endTime":381.36,"body":"earlier, so we can meditate in"},{"startTime":381.36,"endTime":388.8,"body":"the morning. And we can fit more"},{"startTime":381.36,"endTime":388.8,"body":"of this intentional meet time"},{"startTime":390.12,"endTime":397.41,"body":"to get out of that me thinking"},{"startTime":390.12,"endTime":397.41,"body":"and to remember who we are."},{"startTime":398.55,"endTime":403.2,"body":"And what we are doing these acts"},{"startTime":398.55,"endTime":403.2,"body":"of love for"},{"startTime":404.46,"endTime":411.87,"body":"if we are selfless, but in our"},{"startTime":404.46,"endTime":411.87,"body":"mind, we're keeping score. Or if"},{"startTime":411.87,"endTime":416.61,"body":"we do something for someone"},{"startTime":411.87,"endTime":416.61,"body":"else. But in our mind, we're"},{"startTime":416.61,"endTime":420.45,"body":"thinking they don't do enough,"},{"startTime":416.61,"endTime":420.45,"body":"or is anyone going to do this"},{"startTime":420.45,"endTime":427.32,"body":"for me, or I'm going to do this"},{"startTime":420.45,"endTime":427.32,"body":"so they do this, then we're not"},{"startTime":427.56,"endTime":433.35,"body":"doing a selfless act. We're"},{"startTime":427.56,"endTime":433.35,"body":"bargaining a transaction."},{"startTime":434.55,"endTime":439.5,"body":"An act of selfless love, should"},{"startTime":434.55,"endTime":439.5,"body":"never come with conditions."},{"startTime":440.7,"endTime":446.88,"body":"And they should be given away"},{"startTime":440.7,"endTime":446.88,"body":"freely, with no expectations. If"},{"startTime":446.88,"endTime":451.41,"body":"we spend our whole lives, doing"},{"startTime":446.88,"endTime":451.41,"body":"things for other people,"},{"startTime":452.76,"endTime":455.31,"body":"hoping that they do something"},{"startTime":452.76,"endTime":455.31,"body":"for us,"},{"startTime":456.33,"endTime":463.02,"body":"we are living in a constant"},{"startTime":456.33,"endTime":463.02,"body":"battle of manipulation and"},{"startTime":463.65,"endTime":471.36,"body":"persuasion, instead of creating"},{"startTime":463.65,"endTime":471.36,"body":"more love, more selflessness,"},{"startTime":471.78,"endTime":479.55,"body":"and ultimately, more balance,"},{"startTime":471.78,"endTime":479.55,"body":"because that is what we always"},{"startTime":479.55,"endTime":485.64,"body":"want in our relationships is"},{"startTime":479.55,"endTime":485.64,"body":"that genuine reciprocation"},{"startTime":486.9,"endTime":494.4,"body":"not manipulated, with bribes, of"},{"startTime":486.9,"endTime":494.4,"body":"doing something for someone, or"},{"startTime":494.4,"endTime":500.61,"body":"from withholding things from"},{"startTime":494.4,"endTime":500.61,"body":"people. And to do this, first we"},{"startTime":500.61,"endTime":507.36,"body":"have to be firm in our body. And"},{"startTime":500.61,"endTime":507.36,"body":"in ourselves, we have to know"},{"startTime":507.36,"endTime":511.95,"body":"ourselves. We have to love"},{"startTime":507.36,"endTime":511.95,"body":"ourselves. And we have to trust"},{"startTime":511.95,"endTime":519.78,"body":"ourselves that we are doing the"},{"startTime":511.95,"endTime":519.78,"body":"right thing that everyone else"},{"startTime":519.81,"endTime":523.98,"body":"is not our job or"},{"startTime":519.81,"endTime":523.98,"body":"responsibility. That taking a"},{"startTime":523.98,"endTime":530.1,"body":"little time for ourselves to"},{"startTime":523.98,"endTime":530.1,"body":"recharge is not only essential"},{"startTime":530.7,"endTime":538.02,"body":"and necessary, but it is"},{"startTime":530.7,"endTime":538.02,"body":"selfless. It is not selfish, to"},{"startTime":538.02,"endTime":542.52,"body":"take care of ourselves. If we do"},{"startTime":538.02,"endTime":542.52,"body":"not take care of ourselves, we"},{"startTime":542.67,"endTime":547.53,"body":"literally will die. We need to"},{"startTime":542.67,"endTime":547.53,"body":"eat, we need to drink, and we"},{"startTime":547.53,"endTime":553.29,"body":"need to maintain our mental"},{"startTime":547.53,"endTime":553.29,"body":"health and our inner peace."},{"startTime":554.61,"endTime":560.19,"body":"This means spending some time"},{"startTime":554.61,"endTime":560.19,"body":"closing our eyes and getting in"},{"startTime":560.19,"endTime":564.69,"body":"touch with ourselves. Just"},{"startTime":560.19,"endTime":564.69,"body":"closing our eyes, turns our"},{"startTime":564.69,"endTime":571.11,"body":"attention inwards towards"},{"startTime":564.69,"endTime":571.11,"body":"ourself. And when we do this, we"},{"startTime":571.11,"endTime":577.2,"body":"want to come into contact with"},{"startTime":571.11,"endTime":577.2,"body":"our fear that is holding us back"},{"startTime":577.2,"endTime":584.1,"body":"this fear of being rejected,"},{"startTime":577.2,"endTime":584.1,"body":"unloved and alone. And"},{"startTime":584.13,"endTime":591.06,"body":"recognizing that what that is"},{"startTime":584.13,"endTime":591.06,"body":"really coming from is a place of"},{"startTime":591.09,"endTime":595.47,"body":"insecurity, that we're not good"},{"startTime":591.09,"endTime":595.47,"body":"enough that we don't deserve"},{"startTime":595.47,"endTime":599.97,"body":"love, unless we kill ourselves"},{"startTime":595.47,"endTime":599.97,"body":"to see"},{"startTime":600.0,"endTime":605.7,"body":"serve others, as if a loving"},{"startTime":600.0,"endTime":605.7,"body":"relationship is being a person's"},{"startTime":605.7,"endTime":612.93,"body":"maid, nanny and therapist, when"},{"startTime":605.7,"endTime":612.93,"body":"we take care of others, at the"},{"startTime":612.93,"endTime":619.47,"body":"expense of ourselves, and we are"},{"startTime":612.93,"endTime":619.47,"body":"getting furious, mentally"},{"startTime":619.53,"endTime":624.12,"body":"inside, and we are just raging"},{"startTime":619.53,"endTime":624.12,"body":"against this person we love,"},{"startTime":625.14,"endTime":631.23,"body":"we are not loving them, we are"},{"startTime":625.14,"endTime":631.23,"body":"not helping them. And we are"},{"startTime":631.23,"endTime":635.7,"body":"making it impossible for"},{"startTime":631.23,"endTime":635.7,"body":"ourselves to communicate"},{"startTime":635.82,"endTime":642.63,"body":"rationally and lovingly, that"},{"startTime":635.82,"endTime":642.63,"body":"someone may be hurting us. And"},{"startTime":642.63,"endTime":646.65,"body":"if we communicate that in a"},{"startTime":642.63,"endTime":646.65,"body":"loving way, if we communicate"},{"startTime":646.65,"endTime":651.75,"body":"that our needs are not being"},{"startTime":646.65,"endTime":651.75,"body":"met, in a loving way, we can"},{"startTime":652.29,"endTime":661.17,"body":"avoid that angry conflict that"},{"startTime":652.29,"endTime":661.17,"body":"we were afraid of. And people"},{"startTime":661.17,"endTime":668.82,"body":"are more likely to listen openly"},{"startTime":661.17,"endTime":668.82,"body":"and honestly. And to look at"},{"startTime":668.82,"endTime":671.58,"body":"their own behavior, and to"},{"startTime":668.82,"endTime":671.58,"body":"reexamine it."},{"startTime":672.69,"endTime":678.3,"body":"Only when we make something such"},{"startTime":672.69,"endTime":678.3,"body":"a big deal in our mind, and we"},{"startTime":678.3,"endTime":681.27,"body":"just blow it out of proportion,"},{"startTime":678.3,"endTime":681.27,"body":"it just gets bigger and bigger."},{"startTime":681.27,"endTime":684.63,"body":"And it's like, how could that"},{"startTime":681.27,"endTime":684.63,"body":"person not use a coaster? You"},{"startTime":684.63,"endTime":688.47,"body":"know, we just get so mad and"},{"startTime":684.63,"endTime":688.47,"body":"create this mental story of how"},{"startTime":688.47,"endTime":693.27,"body":"could this person, you know,"},{"startTime":688.47,"endTime":693.27,"body":"deliberately infuriate me."},{"startTime":694.95,"endTime":700.83,"body":"And then it's going to be"},{"startTime":694.95,"endTime":700.83,"body":"impossible to calmly explain to"},{"startTime":700.83,"endTime":704.04,"body":"someone to use a coaster, and"},{"startTime":700.83,"endTime":704.04,"body":"we're just going to throw the"},{"startTime":704.04,"endTime":709.05,"body":"coaster at them at their face."},{"startTime":704.04,"endTime":709.05,"body":"And so we really have to"},{"startTime":709.68,"endTime":715.29,"body":"maintain our inner peace, which"},{"startTime":709.68,"endTime":715.29,"body":"is more important than the outer"},{"startTime":715.29,"endTime":719.61,"body":"peace because when there is"},{"startTime":715.29,"endTime":719.61,"body":"inner peace, outer peace flows"},{"startTime":719.61,"endTime":725.1,"body":"naturally, when there is outer"},{"startTime":719.61,"endTime":725.1,"body":"peace, we are a pressure cooker"},{"startTime":725.25,"endTime":726.69,"body":"waiting to explode."},{"startTime":727.89,"endTime":735.21,"body":"It takes every ounce of effort"},{"startTime":727.89,"endTime":735.21,"body":"that we can muster, to stay"},{"startTime":735.21,"endTime":742.95,"body":"calm, when we are raging on the"},{"startTime":735.21,"endTime":742.95,"body":"inside. And that effort is"},{"startTime":742.95,"endTime":748.14,"body":"unsustainable, and eventually"},{"startTime":742.95,"endTime":748.14,"body":"there will be a blow up. And"},{"startTime":748.14,"endTime":752.4,"body":"this is why we want to take the"},{"startTime":748.14,"endTime":752.4,"body":"lid off of that pressure cooker."},{"startTime":752.64,"endTime":756.3,"body":"We want to be constantly letting"},{"startTime":752.64,"endTime":756.3,"body":"off steam, we don't want it"},{"startTime":756.33,"endTime":758.43,"body":"accumulating at all."},{"startTime":759.84,"endTime":767.28,"body":"So we have to look at those"},{"startTime":759.84,"endTime":767.28,"body":"underlying causes. And beneath"},{"startTime":767.28,"endTime":774.78,"body":"fear of rejection is insecurity"},{"startTime":767.28,"endTime":774.78,"body":"and unworthiness and a lack of"},{"startTime":774.78,"endTime":777.87,"body":"confidence. And something that"},{"startTime":779.13,"endTime":784.35,"body":"especially codependent people"},{"startTime":779.13,"endTime":784.35,"body":"need to remember is that"},{"startTime":785.94,"endTime":794.31,"body":"these are the most giving,"},{"startTime":785.94,"endTime":794.31,"body":"loving, kind, wonderful people"},{"startTime":794.34,"endTime":799.56,"body":"on the planet, always thinking"},{"startTime":794.34,"endTime":799.56,"body":"of others. And if that is you,"},{"startTime":800.82,"endTime":807.3,"body":"you are the last person that"},{"startTime":800.82,"endTime":807.3,"body":"needs any insecurity or doubt or"},{"startTime":807.3,"endTime":813.27,"body":"worry as to whether someone will"},{"startTime":807.3,"endTime":813.27,"body":"love you or people will"},{"startTime":813.33,"endTime":816.9,"body":"appreciate you for just being"},{"startTime":813.33,"endTime":816.9,"body":"you."},{"startTime":817.95,"endTime":824.67,"body":"It is very likely that someone"},{"startTime":817.95,"endTime":824.67,"body":"in your life was"},{"startTime":826.05,"endTime":830.07,"body":"very cruel when everything"},{"startTime":826.05,"endTime":830.07,"body":"wasn't just right and just"},{"startTime":830.07,"endTime":834.87,"body":"perfect. And they made you feel"},{"startTime":830.07,"endTime":834.87,"body":"like you did something bad and"},{"startTime":834.87,"endTime":839.16,"body":"that you caused their anger."},{"startTime":834.87,"endTime":839.16,"body":"This is the most common"},{"startTime":839.49,"endTime":843.12,"body":"experience in codependent"},{"startTime":839.49,"endTime":843.12,"body":"people's lives. And this is one"},{"startTime":843.12,"endTime":847.23,"body":"of the reasons they walk on"},{"startTime":843.12,"endTime":847.23,"body":"eggshells. They're always trying"},{"startTime":847.23,"endTime":852.9,"body":"to manage other people's"},{"startTime":847.23,"endTime":852.9,"body":"feelings because they are"},{"startTime":852.93,"endTime":859.92,"body":"sensitive, kind, loving souls"},{"startTime":852.93,"endTime":859.92,"body":"that"},{"startTime":861.78,"endTime":865.23,"body":"cannot as well as some other"},{"startTime":861.78,"endTime":865.23,"body":"people"},{"startTime":866.31,"endTime":872.1,"body":"handle verbal abuse. And so this"},{"startTime":866.31,"endTime":872.1,"body":"codependence becomes a coping"},{"startTime":872.1,"endTime":872.88,"body":"mechanism."},{"startTime":874.65,"endTime":882.78,"body":"So the best way to unlearn that"},{"startTime":874.65,"endTime":882.78,"body":"codependency"},{"startTime":883.98,"endTime":890.94,"body":"is a combination of a little"},{"startTime":883.98,"endTime":890.94,"body":"more selfish and a little more"},{"startTime":890.94,"endTime":892.02,"body":"selfless."},{"startTime":893.52,"endTime":894.66,"body":"So let me explain"},{"startTime":897.42,"endTime":899.61,"body":"what we want to achieve"},{"startTime":900.0,"endTime":901.2,"body":"It is"},{"startTime":902.28,"endTime":908.97,"body":"a healthy level of selfishness."},{"startTime":902.28,"endTime":908.97,"body":"Now, I don't mean the kind that"},{"startTime":909.0,"endTime":909.99,"body":"hurts others."},{"startTime":911.01,"endTime":917.85,"body":"I mean, the kind that helps our"},{"startTime":911.01,"endTime":917.85,"body":"self. I mean that important, me"},{"startTime":917.85,"endTime":924.78,"body":"time, that time where we can"},{"startTime":917.85,"endTime":924.78,"body":"just love ourselves by giving us"},{"startTime":925.26,"endTime":931.83,"body":"some yoga, or giving us our"},{"startTime":925.26,"endTime":931.83,"body":"favorite book, or using"},{"startTime":931.86,"endTime":940.98,"body":"meditation as a time to examine"},{"startTime":931.86,"endTime":940.98,"body":"our thoughts to notice any anger"},{"startTime":941.16,"endTime":945.87,"body":"and resentment we're holding on"},{"startTime":941.16,"endTime":945.87,"body":"to, that is preventing us from"},{"startTime":945.9,"endTime":948.9,"body":"communicating our needs,"},{"startTime":945.9,"endTime":948.9,"body":"lovingly,"},{"startTime":949.95,"endTime":950.67,"body":"or"},{"startTime":951.75,"endTime":957.0,"body":"reexamining our values and"},{"startTime":951.75,"endTime":957.0,"body":"beliefs, so that we"},{"startTime":958.8,"endTime":963.03,"body":"recognize where our needs are"},{"startTime":958.8,"endTime":963.03,"body":"not being met. And we can"},{"startTime":963.03,"endTime":964.47,"body":"communicate that as well."},{"startTime":966.27,"endTime":972.45,"body":"Our job is to take care of"},{"startTime":966.27,"endTime":972.45,"body":"ourselves, and to"},{"startTime":973.8,"endTime":980.07,"body":"create a meaningful life. That"},{"startTime":973.8,"endTime":980.07,"body":"means listening to our"},{"startTime":980.22,"endTime":985.5,"body":"intuition, and our instincts,"},{"startTime":980.22,"endTime":985.5,"body":"listening to our moral compass."},{"startTime":986.91,"endTime":992.67,"body":"And our highest wisdom, it means"},{"startTime":986.91,"endTime":992.67,"body":"understanding who we are,"},{"startTime":993.96,"endTime":995.67,"body":"and what we want out of life."},{"startTime":997.11,"endTime":1002.6,"body":"And if we communicate that to"},{"startTime":997.11,"endTime":1002.6,"body":"someone, and they are not"},{"startTime":1002.6,"endTime":1009.17,"body":"receptive, or they refuse to"},{"startTime":1002.6,"endTime":1009.17,"body":"listen, or they disagree,"},{"startTime":1010.43,"endTime":1016.67,"body":"that is their choice, that is"},{"startTime":1010.43,"endTime":1016.67,"body":"their right in life as well. And"},{"startTime":1016.67,"endTime":1020.54,"body":"some relationships need to end"},{"startTime":1021.56,"endTime":1024.56,"body":"and some can be fixed."},{"startTime":1025.67,"endTime":1031.19,"body":"We are social creatures, and"},{"startTime":1025.67,"endTime":1031.19,"body":"relationships, and people are"},{"startTime":1031.19,"endTime":1031.82,"body":"messy."},{"startTime":1033.83,"endTime":1039.14,"body":"We can only control ourselves"},{"startTime":1033.83,"endTime":1039.14,"body":"and our own actions. And the"},{"startTime":1039.14,"endTime":1046.07,"body":"choices other people make are"},{"startTime":1039.14,"endTime":1046.07,"body":"their choices. And just as our"},{"startTime":1046.07,"endTime":1051.77,"body":"fear is that they will take us"},{"startTime":1046.07,"endTime":1051.77,"body":"or leave us if we are not giving"},{"startTime":1051.77,"endTime":1056.87,"body":"them every thing that they need"},{"startTime":1051.77,"endTime":1056.87,"body":"above our own needs."},{"startTime":1058.16,"endTime":1063.92,"body":"So too, we can get into this"},{"startTime":1058.16,"endTime":1063.92,"body":"mindset of the other person can"},{"startTime":1063.92,"endTime":1065.87,"body":"take me or leave me,"},{"startTime":1066.89,"endTime":1074.39,"body":"I am worth it. I am worthy of"},{"startTime":1066.89,"endTime":1074.39,"body":"love. I am not unworthy. And I"},{"startTime":1074.6,"endTime":1077.75,"body":"am confident and secure. That"},{"startTime":1079.1,"endTime":1084.62,"body":"I am a great person. I love"},{"startTime":1079.1,"endTime":1084.62,"body":"others, and that anyone would be"},{"startTime":1084.92,"endTime":1091.04,"body":"lucky to have me. That is the"},{"startTime":1084.92,"endTime":1091.04,"body":"mindset that we can get to and"},{"startTime":1091.04,"endTime":1097.19,"body":"we should get to. Because like I"},{"startTime":1091.04,"endTime":1097.19,"body":"said, a codependent person is"},{"startTime":1097.19,"endTime":1101.69,"body":"right up there with Jesus. They"},{"startTime":1097.19,"endTime":1101.69,"body":"just gotta get that inside,"},{"startTime":1102.83,"endTime":1106.1,"body":"right up there. And that is"},{"startTime":1102.83,"endTime":1106.1,"body":"where the second part is. So the"},{"startTime":1106.1,"endTime":1112.01,"body":"first part is selfish. That's"},{"startTime":1106.1,"endTime":1112.01,"body":"meditate yoga, tea with a book,"},{"startTime":1112.7,"endTime":1117.77,"body":"on a lazy Sunday by yourself,"},{"startTime":1112.7,"endTime":1117.77,"body":"you know, whatever that is for"},{"startTime":1117.77,"endTime":1122.99,"body":"you. That will make you a better"},{"startTime":1117.77,"endTime":1122.99,"body":"person, to everyone around you,"},{"startTime":1123.89,"endTime":1133.34,"body":"is not even selfish. And it is"},{"startTime":1123.89,"endTime":1133.34,"body":"essential to really take some"},{"startTime":1133.34,"endTime":1141.47,"body":"time, examine your life, examine"},{"startTime":1133.34,"endTime":1141.47,"body":"your mind, and decide what is"},{"startTime":1141.5,"endTime":1142.61,"body":"intolerable."},{"startTime":1143.78,"endTime":1149.54,"body":"And what is an acceptable amount"},{"startTime":1143.78,"endTime":1149.54,"body":"of time for change to occur"},{"startTime":1149.57,"endTime":1156.53,"body":"because family, friends, and"},{"startTime":1149.57,"endTime":1156.53,"body":"romantic partners, as wonderful"},{"startTime":1156.53,"endTime":1162.56,"body":"as they are just like ourselves,"},{"startTime":1156.53,"endTime":1162.56,"body":"we don't change instantly. And"},{"startTime":1162.59,"endTime":1168.5,"body":"it can take a while and we don't"},{"startTime":1162.59,"endTime":1168.5,"body":"want to cut off our loved ones"},{"startTime":1168.62,"endTime":1169.31,"body":"too soon."},{"startTime":1170.81,"endTime":1171.59,"body":"So"},{"startTime":1172.64,"endTime":1177.47,"body":"we want to exercise a little bit"},{"startTime":1172.64,"endTime":1177.47,"body":"of patience and"},{"startTime":1178.58,"endTime":1180.2,"body":"kindness and generosity"},{"startTime":1181.49,"endTime":1185.78,"body":"not at the expense of ourselves."},{"startTime":1181.49,"endTime":1185.78,"body":"And if that means taking some"},{"startTime":1185.78,"endTime":1189.29,"body":"distance as they grow, you know"},{"startTime":1185.78,"endTime":1189.29,"body":"we have so many options,"},{"startTime":1189.65,"endTime":1194.87,"body":"infinite options, always"},{"startTime":1189.65,"endTime":1194.87,"body":"available to us. If we need to"},{"startTime":1194.93,"endTime":1199.4,"body":"remove ourselves so that the"},{"startTime":1194.93,"endTime":1199.4,"body":"other person can see what life"},{"startTime":1199.4,"endTime":1200.0,"body":"is like with"},{"startTime":1200.0,"endTime":1202.88,"body":"about the person who is doing so"},{"startTime":1200.0,"endTime":1202.88,"body":"much for them that they don't"},{"startTime":1202.88,"endTime":1206.75,"body":"even notice, then that's what we"},{"startTime":1202.88,"endTime":1206.75,"body":"need to do, you know, every"},{"startTime":1206.75,"endTime":1212.15,"body":"person will have a different"},{"startTime":1206.75,"endTime":1212.15,"body":"inner compass. And the only way"},{"startTime":1212.63,"endTime":1218.06,"body":"that we can read that compass is"},{"startTime":1212.63,"endTime":1218.06,"body":"spending a little time by"},{"startTime":1218.06,"endTime":1223.37,"body":"ourselves, close our eyes, and"},{"startTime":1218.06,"endTime":1223.37,"body":"turn inward, and get to know"},{"startTime":1223.37,"endTime":1227.81,"body":"ourselves, get to know what's"},{"startTime":1223.37,"endTime":1227.81,"body":"going on inside. And that takes"},{"startTime":1227.81,"endTime":1234.35,"body":"me to selflessness. Now, this is"},{"startTime":1227.81,"endTime":1234.35,"body":"not the kind of selflessness"},{"startTime":1234.83,"endTime":1238.1,"body":"that involves doing things for"},{"startTime":1234.83,"endTime":1238.1,"body":"other people."},{"startTime":1239.15,"endTime":1246.65,"body":"This is an internal"},{"startTime":1239.15,"endTime":1246.65,"body":"selflessness. This is about"},{"startTime":1247.76,"endTime":1254.93,"body":"expanding our awareness beyond"},{"startTime":1247.76,"endTime":1254.93,"body":"ourselves. So that that ego,"},{"startTime":1255.08,"endTime":1261.89,"body":"that voice in our head, doesn't"},{"startTime":1255.08,"endTime":1261.89,"body":"take up our full consciousness,"},{"startTime":1262.43,"endTime":1268.55,"body":"and we are maintaining presence"},{"startTime":1262.43,"endTime":1268.55,"body":"in the here and now, this is to"},{"startTime":1268.55,"endTime":1274.1,"body":"dissolve into the present"},{"startTime":1268.55,"endTime":1274.1,"body":"moment, this is to be invisible"},{"startTime":1274.34,"endTime":1277.76,"body":"to cruel words, cruelty of"},{"startTime":1274.34,"endTime":1277.76,"body":"others,"},{"startTime":1279.17,"endTime":1284.66,"body":"it is the absence of attaching"},{"startTime":1279.17,"endTime":1284.66,"body":"to other people or situations."},{"startTime":1285.86,"endTime":1288.26,"body":"And the absence of"},{"startTime":1289.82,"endTime":1290.69,"body":"resisting"},{"startTime":1291.98,"endTime":1296.96,"body":"people or situations. This is to"},{"startTime":1291.98,"endTime":1296.96,"body":"be in that flow state with the"},{"startTime":1296.96,"endTime":1300.89,"body":"universe where there is no"},{"startTime":1296.96,"endTime":1300.89,"body":"separation, we are fully"},{"startTime":1300.89,"endTime":1307.46,"body":"present, we are fully alert and"},{"startTime":1300.89,"endTime":1307.46,"body":"aware of our surroundings, so"},{"startTime":1307.46,"endTime":1308.87,"body":"much beyond"},{"startTime":1309.92,"endTime":1315.41,"body":"just our thinking mind, just"},{"startTime":1309.92,"endTime":1315.41,"body":"ourselves, just our own personal"},{"startTime":1315.44,"endTime":1321.05,"body":"frame of mind point of view, and"},{"startTime":1315.44,"endTime":1321.05,"body":"how we benefit and how we feel,"},{"startTime":1321.14,"endTime":1322.22,"body":"which is the"},{"startTime":1323.81,"endTime":1328.58,"body":"majority of the mindset of most"},{"startTime":1323.81,"endTime":1328.58,"body":"people."},{"startTime":1330.35,"endTime":1338.09,"body":"In this space, our desires"},{"startTime":1330.35,"endTime":1338.09,"body":"disappear. And this is what we"},{"startTime":1338.09,"endTime":1344.96,"body":"want this is so much about"},{"startTime":1338.09,"endTime":1344.96,"body":"spirituality is to be free from"},{"startTime":1344.96,"endTime":1351.38,"body":"desires, it doesn't mean we stop"},{"startTime":1344.96,"endTime":1351.38,"body":"trying working, doing things, it"},{"startTime":1351.38,"endTime":1357.26,"body":"simply means that we work"},{"startTime":1351.38,"endTime":1357.26,"body":"towards things, but we don't"},{"startTime":1357.68,"endTime":1360.86,"body":"want any outcome, we just"},{"startTime":1362.03,"endTime":1367.16,"body":"take action towards which will"},{"startTime":1362.03,"endTime":1367.16,"body":"bring about our highest good,"},{"startTime":1368.03,"endTime":1369.29,"body":"and the planets."},{"startTime":1370.52,"endTime":1373.91,"body":"This is how we become free from"},{"startTime":1370.52,"endTime":1373.91,"body":"all suffering."},{"startTime":1375.35,"endTime":1380.51,"body":"Something I like to try to"},{"startTime":1375.35,"endTime":1380.51,"body":"remember, throughout my life,"},{"startTime":1381.47,"endTime":1388.55,"body":"and is especially relevant on"},{"startTime":1381.47,"endTime":1388.55,"body":"this topic is when I interact"},{"startTime":1388.55,"endTime":1389.18,"body":"with people,"},{"startTime":1390.68,"endTime":1396.59,"body":"I try to remember, I don't know"},{"startTime":1390.68,"endTime":1396.59,"body":"what this person is going"},{"startTime":1396.59,"endTime":1403.31,"body":"through. I don't know, if their"},{"startTime":1396.59,"endTime":1403.31,"body":"father just died, I don't know"},{"startTime":1403.31,"endTime":1408.26,"body":"if they just lost a pet just got"},{"startTime":1403.31,"endTime":1408.26,"body":"diagnosed with cancer, or in"},{"startTime":1408.26,"endTime":1414.44,"body":"this case of a family member or"},{"startTime":1408.26,"endTime":1414.44,"body":"a loved one that we do know, has"},{"startTime":1414.44,"endTime":1418.16,"body":"not gone through that so much"},{"startTime":1414.44,"endTime":1418.16,"body":"suffering, well, we don't know"},{"startTime":1418.19,"endTime":1424.19,"body":"is what is the quality of their"},{"startTime":1418.19,"endTime":1424.19,"body":"thoughts, moment to moment."},{"startTime":1424.67,"endTime":1430.82,"body":"Because most people that don't"},{"startTime":1424.67,"endTime":1430.82,"body":"return our love are really"},{"startTime":1430.82,"endTime":1437.27,"body":"suffering. Their brain is at"},{"startTime":1430.82,"endTime":1437.27,"body":"constant war with themselves."},{"startTime":1437.57,"endTime":1443.96,"body":"And they are always struggling."},{"startTime":1437.57,"endTime":1443.96,"body":"And being kind is a struggle."},{"startTime":1444.17,"endTime":1449.39,"body":"And it can be very easy for"},{"startTime":1444.17,"endTime":1449.39,"body":"these people to blow up and be"},{"startTime":1449.39,"endTime":1454.1,"body":"angry. And so when interacting"},{"startTime":1449.39,"endTime":1454.1,"body":"with people, I try to remind"},{"startTime":1454.1,"endTime":1454.73,"body":"myself"},{"startTime":1457.04,"endTime":1463.37,"body":"if this person just lost"},{"startTime":1457.04,"endTime":1463.37,"body":"someone, or is really struggling"},{"startTime":1464.06,"endTime":1470.99,"body":"on the inside, how would I want"},{"startTime":1464.06,"endTime":1470.99,"body":"to treat them? How would I want"},{"startTime":1470.99,"endTime":1471.92,"body":"to look back?"},{"startTime":1472.94,"endTime":1473.54,"body":"And"},{"startTime":1475.07,"endTime":1481.25,"body":"what way would I want to treat"},{"startTime":1475.07,"endTime":1481.25,"body":"them that I can be proud of? And"},{"startTime":1481.25,"endTime":1485.81,"body":"usually what that means is not"},{"startTime":1481.25,"endTime":1485.81,"body":"doing things, but it simply"},{"startTime":1485.81,"endTime":1492.29,"body":"means I want to be most mindful,"},{"startTime":1485.81,"endTime":1492.29,"body":"gentle and kind. And I want to"},{"startTime":1492.29,"endTime":1496.64,"body":"do this with all people at all"},{"startTime":1492.29,"endTime":1496.64,"body":"times. And I think most of us"},{"startTime":1496.64,"endTime":1499.97,"body":"do. But we don't make that a"},{"startTime":1496.64,"endTime":1499.97,"body":"mantra"},{"startTime":1500.0,"endTime":1505.46,"body":"If we don't make it a habit to"},{"startTime":1500.0,"endTime":1505.46,"body":"practice remembering that, and"},{"startTime":1505.46,"endTime":1510.08,"body":"when we do that, it becomes much"},{"startTime":1505.46,"endTime":1510.08,"body":"easier to have difficult"},{"startTime":1510.08,"endTime":1514.7,"body":"conversations with people,"},{"startTime":1510.08,"endTime":1514.7,"body":"because we are coming from such"},{"startTime":1514.7,"endTime":1516.17,"body":"a place of love."},{"startTime":1517.31,"endTime":1521.87,"body":"And so I'll leave you just with"},{"startTime":1517.31,"endTime":1521.87,"body":"this little mantra that I love"},{"startTime":1521.87,"endTime":1524.03,"body":"for myself, and I hope you like"},{"startTime":1521.87,"endTime":1524.03,"body":"it as well."},{"startTime":1525.05,"endTime":1530.9,"body":"And that is, how can I show love"},{"startTime":1525.05,"endTime":1530.9,"body":"and spread joy right now."},{"startTime":1532.7,"endTime":1536.51,"body":"Again, that doesn't mean I go"},{"startTime":1532.7,"endTime":1536.51,"body":"out of my way to do something"},{"startTime":1536.51,"endTime":1542.66,"body":"for someone who is"},{"startTime":1536.51,"endTime":1542.66,"body":"unappreciative and never shows"},{"startTime":1542.66,"endTime":1548.18,"body":"love back. But what it does do"},{"startTime":1542.66,"endTime":1548.18,"body":"is it gets us out of that me"},{"startTime":1548.18,"endTime":1554.18,"body":"thinking, that self wallowing,"},{"startTime":1548.18,"endTime":1554.18,"body":"that resenting inner anger,"},{"startTime":1555.2,"endTime":1561.98,"body":"and we are able to turn our"},{"startTime":1555.2,"endTime":1561.98,"body":"focus from something negative,"},{"startTime":1562.25,"endTime":1567.77,"body":"to something positive. And for"},{"startTime":1562.25,"endTime":1567.77,"body":"all of us, but especially"},{"startTime":1567.8,"endTime":1574.1,"body":"codependent people. When I say"},{"startTime":1567.8,"endTime":1574.1,"body":"how can I show love and spread"},{"startTime":1574.1,"endTime":1578.54,"body":"joy right now, you better"},{"startTime":1574.1,"endTime":1578.54,"body":"believe that that includes"},{"startTime":1578.54,"endTime":1579.83,"body":"yourself as well."},{"startTime":1581.06,"endTime":1587.15,"body":"The most important person in"},{"startTime":1581.06,"endTime":1587.15,"body":"your life. So make sure that you"},{"startTime":1587.15,"endTime":1589.31,"body":"treat yourself as such."},{"startTime":1590.99,"endTime":1591.77,"body":"Much love."},{"startTime":1593.99,"endTime":1597.979,"body":"You've been listening to path to"},{"startTime":1593.99,"endTime":1597.979,"body":"peace with Todd Perelmuter."},{"startTime":1598.046,"endTime":1602.168,"body":"Being here and putting in this"},{"startTime":1598.046,"endTime":1602.168,"body":"important and noble work is one"},{"startTime":1602.235,"endTime":1606.357,"body":"of the greatest gifts you can"},{"startTime":1602.235,"endTime":1606.357,"body":"give yourself and others. If you"},{"startTime":1606.424,"endTime":1610.48,"body":"found this podcast even a little"},{"startTime":1606.424,"endTime":1610.48,"body":"helpful. Please make sure to"},{"startTime":1610.546,"endTime":1614.602,"body":"leave a review so it can reach"},{"startTime":1610.546,"endTime":1614.602,"body":"others who may be in need. And"},{"startTime":1614.669,"endTime":1618.26,"body":"remember, the path to peace"},{"startTime":1614.669,"endTime":1618.26,"body":"starts with a single step."}]}