{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"startTime":0.0,"endTime":3.24,"body":"Welcome to Unapologetic"},{"startTime":0.0,"endTime":3.24,"body":"parenting. The podcast dedicated"},{"startTime":3.24,"endTime":6.3,"body":"to candidly and unapologetically"},{"startTime":3.24,"endTime":6.3,"body":"discussing high conflict, co"},{"startTime":6.3,"endTime":9.96,"body":"parenting, blended families and"},{"startTime":6.3,"endTime":9.96,"body":"the family court system, we take"},{"startTime":9.96,"endTime":12.96,"body":"on the topics most people don't"},{"startTime":9.96,"endTime":12.96,"body":"want to talk about and offer"},{"startTime":12.96,"endTime":16.98,"body":"solutions and support to help"},{"startTime":12.96,"endTime":16.98,"body":"you be a better parent, better"},{"startTime":16.98,"endTime":20.6,"body":"spouse in your blended family,"},{"startTime":16.98,"endTime":20.6,"body":"and happier human being. Now"},{"startTime":20.6,"endTime":25.7,"body":"without further ado, let's get"},{"startTime":20.6,"endTime":25.7,"body":"right to it. Welcome to"},{"startTime":25.7,"endTime":28.4,"body":"Unapologetic parenting. I'm your"},{"startTime":25.7,"endTime":28.4,"body":"host, Carl Knickerbocker, and"},{"startTime":28.4,"endTime":32.36,"body":"today we're discussing why co"},{"startTime":28.4,"endTime":32.36,"body":"parenting with a narcissistic ex"},{"startTime":32.42,"endTime":37.28,"body":"often feels completely"},{"startTime":32.42,"endTime":37.28,"body":"impossible. The short answer is"},{"startTime":37.28,"endTime":42.28,"body":"that it feels impossible because"},{"startTime":37.28,"endTime":42.28,"body":"it is. It may be a cliche thing"},{"startTime":42.28,"endTime":46.78,"body":"to say, but it is not possible"},{"startTime":42.28,"endTime":46.78,"body":"to co parent with somebody who"},{"startTime":46.78,"endTime":52.0,"body":"is fanatically dedicated to"},{"startTime":46.78,"endTime":52.0,"body":"counter parenting at every"},{"startTime":52.0,"endTime":55.96,"body":"single term co parenting as we"},{"startTime":52.0,"endTime":55.96,"body":"understand it, it requires a"},{"startTime":55.96,"endTime":59.68,"body":"shared focus. It requires"},{"startTime":55.96,"endTime":59.68,"body":"flexibility between people, but"},{"startTime":59.68,"endTime":64.38,"body":"narcissistic co parents"},{"startTime":59.68,"endTime":64.38,"body":"prioritize control over"},{"startTime":64.38,"endTime":69.72,"body":"collaboration. They are not"},{"startTime":64.38,"endTime":69.72,"body":"wired to cooperate. They are not"},{"startTime":69.72,"endTime":73.86,"body":"wired to share. They are wired"},{"startTime":69.72,"endTime":73.86,"body":"to control. They're wired to"},{"startTime":73.86,"endTime":77.52,"body":"win. They're wired to do all"},{"startTime":73.86,"endTime":77.52,"body":"sorts of things that run"},{"startTime":77.52,"endTime":82.64,"body":"completely contrary to the"},{"startTime":77.52,"endTime":82.64,"body":"notion of peaceful co parenting."},{"startTime":82.94,"endTime":86.24,"body":"And typically, for a truly"},{"startTime":82.94,"endTime":86.24,"body":"narcissistic ex, their"},{"startTime":86.24,"endTime":90.02,"body":"conception of peaceful co"},{"startTime":86.24,"endTime":90.02,"body":"parenting is that you just roll"},{"startTime":90.02,"endTime":92.78,"body":"over and do anything and"},{"startTime":90.02,"endTime":92.78,"body":"everything they want without"},{"startTime":92.78,"endTime":97.34,"body":"asking any questions to them."},{"startTime":92.78,"endTime":97.34,"body":"That is the only solution, the"},{"startTime":97.34,"endTime":102.64,"body":"only way for peace. And even"},{"startTime":97.34,"endTime":102.64,"body":"then, it's a nightmare. What are"},{"startTime":102.64,"endTime":106.6,"body":"some different ways that they"},{"startTime":102.64,"endTime":106.6,"body":"try to exert control? So they"},{"startTime":106.6,"endTime":110.38,"body":"try to exert control through"},{"startTime":106.6,"endTime":110.38,"body":"communication. And so if they"},{"startTime":110.38,"endTime":113.8,"body":"can find a way to Jack with co"},{"startTime":110.38,"endTime":113.8,"body":"parenting communication, they"},{"startTime":113.8,"endTime":118.84,"body":"will one way is they might just"},{"startTime":113.8,"endTime":118.84,"body":"respond only when it suits them."},{"startTime":118.9,"endTime":122.28,"body":"They're going to ignore"},{"startTime":118.9,"endTime":122.28,"body":"important messages are going to"},{"startTime":122.28,"endTime":126.48,"body":"put off giving you information"},{"startTime":122.28,"endTime":126.48,"body":"that you need. They're going to"},{"startTime":126.72,"endTime":130.62,"body":"make their communication very"},{"startTime":126.72,"endTime":130.62,"body":"erratic. They're going to infuse"},{"startTime":130.62,"endTime":134.4,"body":"it with all sorts of sorts of"},{"startTime":130.62,"endTime":134.4,"body":"inflammatory and accusatory"},{"startTime":134.4,"endTime":138.0,"body":"language. They're going to make"},{"startTime":134.4,"endTime":138.0,"body":"it as stressful and awful as"},{"startTime":138.0,"endTime":142.52,"body":"possible all along the way"},{"startTime":138.0,"endTime":142.52,"body":"they're going to send you"},{"startTime":142.76,"endTime":146.72,"body":"demanding texts, and they're"},{"startTime":142.76,"endTime":146.72,"body":"going to expect immediate"},{"startTime":146.72,"endTime":153.02,"body":"replies and immediate responses"},{"startTime":146.72,"endTime":153.02,"body":"from you. They want it instantly"},{"startTime":153.02,"endTime":156.74,"body":"when it's convenient for them,"},{"startTime":153.02,"endTime":156.74,"body":"but they are not going to offer"},{"startTime":156.74,"endTime":161.2,"body":"the same courtesy to you, and"},{"startTime":156.74,"endTime":161.2,"body":"this pattern of being erratic"},{"startTime":161.2,"endTime":164.98,"body":"and demanding and stressful just"},{"startTime":161.2,"endTime":164.98,"body":"creates a constant stress, and"},{"startTime":164.98,"endTime":169.9,"body":"it puts you on constant edge."},{"startTime":164.98,"endTime":169.9,"body":"Their tactic of jacking with"},{"startTime":169.9,"endTime":173.98,"body":"communication and using it for"},{"startTime":169.9,"endTime":173.98,"body":"control disrupts planning. It"},{"startTime":173.98,"endTime":177.04,"body":"strains the co parenting"},{"startTime":173.98,"endTime":177.04,"body":"relationship. It usually"},{"startTime":177.04,"endTime":180.3,"body":"stresses out the kids and"},{"startTime":177.04,"endTime":180.3,"body":"everyone else involved, and it"},{"startTime":180.3,"endTime":185.16,"body":"keeps things centered on them,"},{"startTime":180.3,"endTime":185.16,"body":"on their turns, on their"},{"startTime":185.16,"endTime":190.08,"body":"messages, on their demands,"},{"startTime":185.16,"endTime":190.08,"body":"instead of on any sort of"},{"startTime":190.08,"endTime":194.04,"body":"effective co parenting style."},{"startTime":190.08,"endTime":194.04,"body":"Other things that they'll do,"},{"startTime":194.04,"endTime":197.88,"body":"they'll use the kids as a tool"},{"startTime":194.04,"endTime":197.88,"body":"for control. They're going to"},{"startTime":197.88,"endTime":200.66,"body":"triangulate the kids in they're"},{"startTime":197.88,"endTime":200.66,"body":"going to involve the kids in"},{"startTime":200.66,"endTime":203.84,"body":"adult matters, they're going to"},{"startTime":200.66,"endTime":203.84,"body":"always be trying to position"},{"startTime":203.84,"endTime":207.92,"body":"themselves as the good parent"},{"startTime":203.84,"endTime":207.92,"body":"and the one who has all the"},{"startTime":207.92,"endTime":213.32,"body":"answers, while working to"},{"startTime":207.92,"endTime":213.32,"body":"actively alienate the children"},{"startTime":213.32,"endTime":217.1,"body":"from the other parent. They"},{"startTime":213.32,"endTime":217.1,"body":"might engage in last minute"},{"startTime":217.1,"endTime":220.42,"body":"changes. They're going to play"},{"startTime":217.1,"endTime":220.42,"body":"favorites. They're going to"},{"startTime":220.48,"endTime":224.38,"body":"forget important details."},{"startTime":220.48,"endTime":224.38,"body":"They're going to work to"},{"startTime":224.38,"endTime":227.26,"body":"undermine your relationship with"},{"startTime":224.38,"endTime":227.26,"body":"the child. They're going to"},{"startTime":227.26,"endTime":230.38,"body":"undermine your authority."},{"startTime":227.26,"endTime":230.38,"body":"They're going to make decisions"},{"startTime":230.38,"endTime":233.44,"body":"without consulting you, and"},{"startTime":230.38,"endTime":233.44,"body":"they're going to make it clear"},{"startTime":233.44,"endTime":238.3,"body":"as much as possible, in word and"},{"startTime":233.44,"endTime":238.3,"body":"in deed, that they're the ones"},{"startTime":238.3,"endTime":243.3,"body":"in charge, and that they are the"},{"startTime":238.3,"endTime":243.3,"body":"only ones who have a say, and"},{"startTime":243.3,"endTime":247.86,"body":"your role is worth being"},{"startTime":243.3,"endTime":247.86,"body":"disregarded as any sort of equal"},{"startTime":247.86,"endTime":252.3,"body":"parent. Other ways, it's a very,"},{"startTime":247.86,"endTime":252.3,"body":"very long list, but to run"},{"startTime":252.3,"endTime":254.58,"body":"through these, they're going to"},{"startTime":252.3,"endTime":254.58,"body":"be inconsistent and"},{"startTime":254.58,"endTime":257.1,"body":"unpredictable with their"},{"startTime":254.58,"endTime":257.1,"body":"behavior. So through the"},{"startTime":257.1,"endTime":260.54,"body":"relationship with them, we"},{"startTime":257.1,"endTime":260.54,"body":"probably noticed they are"},{"startTime":260.54,"endTime":264.44,"body":"erratic, they are inconsistent,"},{"startTime":260.54,"endTime":264.44,"body":"they are explosive. They are"},{"startTime":264.56,"endTime":268.88,"body":"unpredictable, and they will"},{"startTime":264.56,"endTime":268.88,"body":"continue to behave in these"},{"startTime":268.88,"endTime":272.78,"body":"ways, even through the co"},{"startTime":268.88,"endTime":272.78,"body":"parenting relationship they"},{"startTime":272.78,"endTime":278.0,"body":"love, last minute changes in the"},{"startTime":272.78,"endTime":278.0,"body":"schedules they love, leaving you"},{"startTime":278.12,"endTime":282.28,"body":"and the children and everyone"},{"startTime":278.12,"endTime":282.28,"body":"else uncertain about what is"},{"startTime":282.28,"endTime":286.36,"body":"actually going to happen. Are"},{"startTime":282.28,"endTime":286.36,"body":"they going to show up? Is the"},{"startTime":286.36,"endTime":290.5,"body":"trip going to occur? Are they"},{"startTime":286.36,"endTime":290.5,"body":"going to make that payment? Are"},{"startTime":290.5,"endTime":295.42,"body":"they going to respond and all of"},{"startTime":290.5,"endTime":295.42,"body":"that uncertainty. They love it,"},{"startTime":295.42,"endTime":300.36,"body":"because it's all about control,"},{"startTime":295.42,"endTime":300.36,"body":"and as long as you are. Feeling"},{"startTime":300.36,"endTime":304.62,"body":"off centered, and you are"},{"startTime":300.36,"endTime":304.62,"body":"feeling unsettled. They feel"},{"startTime":304.62,"endTime":309.54,"body":"like they are asserting control."},{"startTime":304.62,"endTime":309.54,"body":"They have everybody waiting for"},{"startTime":309.54,"endTime":312.6,"body":"them. They have everyone"},{"startTime":309.54,"endTime":312.6,"body":"thinking about them. They have"},{"startTime":312.6,"endTime":317.64,"body":"everybody sitting by with bated"},{"startTime":312.6,"endTime":317.64,"body":"breath to see what they do. It"},{"startTime":317.64,"endTime":321.68,"body":"is all about them. Other ways"},{"startTime":317.64,"endTime":321.68,"body":"that they do this is they'll"},{"startTime":321.92,"endTime":326.0,"body":"flip flop on decisions. They'll"},{"startTime":321.92,"endTime":326.0,"body":"agree to something, then they'll"},{"startTime":326.0,"endTime":329.12,"body":"do the complete opposite."},{"startTime":326.0,"endTime":329.12,"body":"They'll show a complete"},{"startTime":329.12,"endTime":333.08,"body":"disregard for consistency. They"},{"startTime":329.12,"endTime":333.08,"body":"will break their agreements and"},{"startTime":333.08,"endTime":336.56,"body":"their promises, usually with no"},{"startTime":333.08,"endTime":336.56,"body":"warning whatsoever and no"},{"startTime":336.56,"endTime":341.02,"body":"rationale, being able to"},{"startTime":336.56,"endTime":341.02,"body":"actually trust that the other"},{"startTime":341.02,"endTime":345.28,"body":"person is going to do what they"},{"startTime":341.02,"endTime":345.28,"body":"say they're going to do and show"},{"startTime":345.28,"endTime":349.06,"body":"up when and how they say they're"},{"startTime":345.28,"endTime":349.06,"body":"going to show up is an essential"},{"startTime":349.06,"endTime":352.12,"body":"element of any sort of healthy"},{"startTime":349.06,"endTime":352.12,"body":"co parenting, just like any sort"},{"startTime":352.12,"endTime":355.96,"body":"of healthy relationship for the"},{"startTime":352.12,"endTime":355.96,"body":"narcissistic co parent, they"},{"startTime":355.96,"endTime":361.38,"body":"just do not operate that way."},{"startTime":355.96,"endTime":361.38,"body":"Finally, one of the things worth"},{"startTime":361.38,"endTime":366.0,"body":"touching on is that they will"},{"startTime":361.38,"endTime":366.0,"body":"violate boundaries constantly as"},{"startTime":366.0,"endTime":369.72,"body":"a control tactic in my coaching"},{"startTime":366.0,"endTime":369.72,"body":"practices that I've referred to"},{"startTime":369.72,"endTime":373.14,"body":"this very, very frequently as"},{"startTime":369.72,"endTime":373.14,"body":"the Raptors testing the fence."},{"startTime":373.38,"endTime":377.46,"body":"They they will look at"},{"startTime":373.38,"endTime":377.46,"body":"boundaries as a challenge. They"},{"startTime":377.46,"endTime":380.78,"body":"will look at boundaries as"},{"startTime":377.46,"endTime":380.78,"body":"something that should be"},{"startTime":381.26,"endTime":384.8,"body":"overstepped or ignored, and just"},{"startTime":381.26,"endTime":384.8,"body":"like in Jurassic Park, they're"},{"startTime":384.8,"endTime":388.76,"body":"going to be testing your"},{"startTime":384.8,"endTime":388.76,"body":"boundaries and attacking those"},{"startTime":388.88,"endTime":393.98,"body":"electrified fences as much as"},{"startTime":388.88,"endTime":393.98,"body":"and as often as possible to try"},{"startTime":393.98,"endTime":397.94,"body":"to find some sort of weaknesses"},{"startTime":393.98,"endTime":397.94,"body":"in the system. The moment they"},{"startTime":397.94,"endTime":400.96,"body":"find those weaknesses, then"},{"startTime":397.94,"endTime":400.96,"body":"they're going to try to keep"},{"startTime":400.96,"endTime":403.78,"body":"pushing and pushing and pushing"},{"startTime":400.96,"endTime":403.78,"body":"until they can get through."},{"startTime":404.2,"endTime":407.44,"body":"They're going to again,"},{"startTime":404.2,"endTime":407.44,"body":"disregard agreed upon rules and"},{"startTime":407.44,"endTime":410.38,"body":"schedules. They're going to"},{"startTime":407.44,"endTime":410.38,"body":"disregard pick up and drop off"},{"startTime":410.38,"endTime":414.64,"body":"times. They're going to see"},{"startTime":410.38,"endTime":414.64,"body":"agreements as optional and"},{"startTime":414.64,"endTime":417.34,"body":"things that they aren't bound"},{"startTime":414.64,"endTime":417.34,"body":"by. They're going to see your"},{"startTime":417.34,"endTime":421.14,"body":"boundaries and standards as"},{"startTime":417.34,"endTime":421.14,"body":"things that are beneath them"},{"startTime":421.32,"endTime":424.68,"body":"nothing that they need to be"},{"startTime":421.32,"endTime":424.68,"body":"bound by. They're going to"},{"startTime":424.68,"endTime":428.88,"body":"encroach on your parenting time."},{"startTime":424.68,"endTime":428.88,"body":"So they will often overstep."},{"startTime":429.12,"endTime":432.24,"body":"They'll call you during your"},{"startTime":429.12,"endTime":432.24,"body":"time with a child. They will"},{"startTime":432.24,"endTime":435.6,"body":"pester the child through text"},{"startTime":432.24,"endTime":435.6,"body":"messages and phone calls. They"},{"startTime":435.6,"endTime":439.38,"body":"will try to find every way"},{"startTime":435.6,"endTime":439.38,"body":"possible to interrupt your"},{"startTime":439.38,"endTime":444.8,"body":"parenting days again in order to"},{"startTime":439.38,"endTime":444.8,"body":"maintain a sense of control over"},{"startTime":444.8,"endTime":449.48,"body":"the family dynamic, peaceful and"},{"startTime":444.8,"endTime":449.48,"body":"effective, collaborative co"},{"startTime":449.48,"endTime":453.8,"body":"parenting is an impossibility"},{"startTime":449.48,"endTime":453.8,"body":"when dealing with narcissistic X"},{"startTime":454.22,"endTime":459.98,"body":"to them. Control is a means to"},{"startTime":454.22,"endTime":459.98,"body":"stay relevant. It is a means to"},{"startTime":459.98,"endTime":465.16,"body":"get attention. It is a means to"},{"startTime":459.98,"endTime":465.16,"body":"continue feeling powerful, to"},{"startTime":465.16,"endTime":470.44,"body":"inflict revenge, to continue the"},{"startTime":465.16,"endTime":470.44,"body":"mistreatments and abuses that"},{"startTime":470.44,"endTime":473.56,"body":"they used to engage in during"},{"startTime":470.44,"endTime":473.56,"body":"the relationship. When you"},{"startTime":473.56,"endTime":477.94,"body":"cannot co parent with these"},{"startTime":473.56,"endTime":477.94,"body":"people, when you cannot have"},{"startTime":477.94,"endTime":481.56,"body":"effective co parenting, the best"},{"startTime":477.94,"endTime":481.56,"body":"thing that you can do is adopt a"},{"startTime":481.56,"endTime":485.1,"body":"parallel parenting approach that"},{"startTime":481.56,"endTime":485.1,"body":"can help you maintain"},{"startTime":485.1,"endTime":489.66,"body":"boundaries, protect your peace"},{"startTime":485.1,"endTime":489.66,"body":"and keep the focus firmly rooted"},{"startTime":489.66,"endTime":494.28,"body":"on the child's needs. In"},{"startTime":489.66,"endTime":494.28,"body":"parallel parenting, we shut down"},{"startTime":494.28,"endTime":497.94,"body":"as many of those avenues of"},{"startTime":494.28,"endTime":497.94,"body":"access for the narcissistic co"},{"startTime":497.94,"endTime":502.1,"body":"parent to play those games and"},{"startTime":497.94,"endTime":502.1,"body":"try to exert their control into"},{"startTime":502.46,"endTime":507.98,"body":"our realm. Instead, we say what"},{"startTime":502.46,"endTime":507.98,"body":"you need to do in your time,"},{"startTime":508.04,"endTime":511.16,"body":"what you need to do in your"},{"startTime":508.04,"endTime":511.16,"body":"home, that is up to you. You"},{"startTime":511.16,"endTime":515.24,"body":"make your own rules. Good luck."},{"startTime":511.16,"endTime":515.24,"body":"You're on your own as much as"},{"startTime":515.3,"endTime":520.66,"body":"reasonably possible, and we will"},{"startTime":515.3,"endTime":520.66,"body":"do the same what we do in our"},{"startTime":520.66,"endTime":524.68,"body":"home is what we choose to do,"},{"startTime":520.66,"endTime":524.68,"body":"how we choose to parent, how we"},{"startTime":524.68,"endTime":527.98,"body":"choose to communicate, the rules"},{"startTime":524.68,"endTime":527.98,"body":"that we have under our roof,"},{"startTime":528.1,"endTime":532.06,"body":"those are ours to determine,"},{"startTime":528.1,"endTime":532.06,"body":"just like anybody else. So when"},{"startTime":532.06,"endTime":535.9,"body":"traditional co parenting or"},{"startTime":532.06,"endTime":535.9,"body":"collaborative co parenting is"},{"startTime":535.96,"endTime":541.32,"body":"unattainable because of the"},{"startTime":535.96,"endTime":541.32,"body":"ingrained, deep seated behaviors"},{"startTime":541.32,"endTime":545.4,"body":"or disordered behaviors in the"},{"startTime":541.32,"endTime":545.4,"body":"other parent. The solution to"},{"startTime":545.4,"endTime":549.42,"body":"that is to adopt a parallel"},{"startTime":545.4,"endTime":549.42,"body":"parenting approach for much more"},{"startTime":549.42,"endTime":552.06,"body":"about dealing with a high"},{"startTime":549.42,"endTime":552.06,"body":"conflict, narcissistic co parent"},{"startTime":552.06,"endTime":554.52,"body":"and parallel parenting. Check"},{"startTime":552.06,"endTime":554.52,"body":"out my book, The parallel"},{"startTime":554.52,"endTime":557.82,"body":"parenting solution, eliminate"},{"startTime":554.52,"endTime":557.82,"body":"conflict with your ex and create"},{"startTime":557.82,"endTime":561.86,"body":"the life you want on Amazon and"},{"startTime":557.82,"endTime":561.86,"body":"audible today. Also be sure to"},{"startTime":561.86,"endTime":564.26,"body":"check out Family Court"},{"startTime":561.86,"endTime":564.26,"body":"solutions, how to defeat"},{"startTime":564.26,"endTime":567.38,"body":"narcissist bullies and liars in"},{"startTime":564.26,"endTime":567.38,"body":"divorce and custody battles, as"},{"startTime":567.38,"endTime":571.04,"body":"well as the family court"},{"startTime":567.38,"endTime":571.04,"body":"solutions mastery workbook, the"},{"startTime":571.04,"endTime":574.7,"body":"vision of Unapologetic parenting"},{"startTime":571.04,"endTime":574.7,"body":"is to empower and transform 1"},{"startTime":574.7,"endTime":578.0,"body":"million lives by providing"},{"startTime":574.7,"endTime":578.0,"body":"families in high conflict co"},{"startTime":578.0,"endTime":581.5,"body":"parenting situations with the"},{"startTime":578.0,"endTime":581.5,"body":"education support and strategies"},{"startTime":581.5,"endTime":584.62,"body":"they need to build peaceful,"},{"startTime":581.5,"endTime":584.62,"body":"stable homes through the power"},{"startTime":584.62,"endTime":587.68,"body":"of parallel parenting and"},{"startTime":584.62,"endTime":587.68,"body":"effective conflict resolution."},{"startTime":588.1,"endTime":591.16,"body":"This platform is dedicated to"},{"startTime":588.1,"endTime":591.16,"body":"breaking the cycles of conflict,"},{"startTime":591.28,"endTime":594.4,"body":"protecting the well being of"},{"startTime":591.28,"endTime":594.4,"body":"children, and equipping parents"},{"startTime":594.4,"endTime":597.94,"body":"with the tools to thrive no"},{"startTime":594.4,"endTime":597.94,"body":"matter what challenges they"},{"startTime":597.94,"endTime":601.68,"body":"face. Want to help. Share this"},{"startTime":597.94,"endTime":601.68,"body":"and spread the word."}]}