{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":0.45,"endTime":3.69,"body":"This is unapologetic"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":0.45,"endTime":3.69,"body":"parenting podcast dedicated to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3.69,"endTime":7.38,"body":"candidly and unapologetically"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3.69,"endTime":7.38,"body":"discussing parenting, divorce"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":7.38,"endTime":11.19,"body":"and co parenting. We take on the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":7.38,"endTime":11.19,"body":"topics most people don't want to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":11.19,"endTime":14.55,"body":"talk about and offer support and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":11.19,"endTime":14.55,"body":"solutions to help you be a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":14.55,"endTime":19.02,"body":"better parent, co parent and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":14.55,"endTime":19.02,"body":"human being. Now without further"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":19.02,"endTime":22.8,"body":"ado, let's get right to it."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":19.02,"endTime":22.8,"body":"Welcome back to unapologetic"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":22.8,"endTime":26.01,"body":"parenting. I'm your host Carl"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":22.8,"endTime":26.01,"body":"Knickerbocker. Today's episode"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":26.01,"endTime":30.42,"body":"we are talking about double"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":26.01,"endTime":30.42,"body":"binds. What is a double bind a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":30.42,"endTime":34.65,"body":"double bind is a situation."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":30.42,"endTime":34.65,"body":"That's basically you're darned"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":34.65,"endTime":37.41,"body":"if you do, you're darned if you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":34.65,"endTime":37.41,"body":"don't, there may be a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":37.41,"endTime":41.79,"body":"communication from your ex. If"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":37.41,"endTime":41.79,"body":"you respond, you feel punished,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":41.94,"endTime":46.38,"body":"because then they have a way to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":41.94,"endTime":46.38,"body":"continually get under your skin"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":46.38,"endTime":50.76,"body":"and break down your boundaries"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":46.38,"endTime":50.76,"body":"to force you into a situation"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":50.76,"endTime":54.75,"body":"where they can perpetuate more"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":50.76,"endTime":54.75,"body":"mistreatment toward you, you are"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":54.75,"endTime":57.3,"body":"punished if you don't or at"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":54.75,"endTime":57.3,"body":"least have the fear of being"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":57.3,"endTime":60.09,"body":"punished if you don't, because"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":57.3,"endTime":60.09,"body":"now it looks like you're being"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":60.12,"endTime":65.25,"body":"unresponsive and being a bad co"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":60.12,"endTime":65.25,"body":"parent. And God forbid that gets"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":65.25,"endTime":68.61,"body":"in front of some judge who is"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":65.25,"endTime":68.61,"body":"more interested in getting to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":68.61,"endTime":71.64,"body":"his lunch and actually making"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":68.61,"endTime":71.64,"body":"some sort of rational decision"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":71.64,"endTime":77.07,"body":"on your case. That is the double"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":71.64,"endTime":77.07,"body":"bind it is the catch 22 it's the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":77.07,"endTime":80.82,"body":"damned if you do damned if you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":77.07,"endTime":80.82,"body":"don't. So there's an old story,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":80.85,"endTime":84.81,"body":"I think it's a Zen story, where"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":80.85,"endTime":84.81,"body":"a master invites the student in"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":84.81,"endTime":88.11,"body":"for a cup of tea and the student"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":84.81,"endTime":88.11,"body":"comes in sits before the master,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":88.23,"endTime":90.96,"body":"the master pours a cup of tea"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":88.23,"endTime":90.96,"body":"puts it in front of the student,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":91.11,"endTime":94.86,"body":"and then takes out a big stick"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":91.11,"endTime":94.86,"body":"and says if you drink the tea,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":95.07,"endTime":97.59,"body":"I'm going to hit you with a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":95.07,"endTime":97.59,"body":"stick. If you don't drink the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":97.59,"endTime":101.28,"body":"tea, I'm going to hit you with a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":97.59,"endTime":101.28,"body":"stick and creates this double"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":101.28,"endTime":105.87,"body":"bind situation for the student."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":101.28,"endTime":105.87,"body":"Now, of course, the student can"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":105.87,"endTime":109.02,"body":"do all sorts of things they can"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":105.87,"endTime":109.02,"body":"say, Well, I see the nature of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":109.02,"endTime":112.47,"body":"the game is that I'm going to be"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":109.02,"endTime":112.47,"body":"punished either way no matter"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":112.47,"endTime":117.42,"body":"what I do. So I can sit here and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":112.47,"endTime":117.42,"body":"I can drink the tea and take the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":117.42,"endTime":121.8,"body":"hit and at least enjoy my tea."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":117.42,"endTime":121.8,"body":"Or I can slap the teacher and at"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":121.8,"endTime":125.67,"body":"least get one hit. And before I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":121.8,"endTime":125.67,"body":"get hit back. Other things would"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":125.67,"endTime":130.47,"body":"be I could take the stick or the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":125.67,"endTime":130.47,"body":"student can get up and walk away"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":130.65,"endTime":135.42,"body":"in a situation any situation of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":130.65,"endTime":135.42,"body":"a double bind. When you're in it"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":135.45,"endTime":140.82,"body":"and steeped in the dynamics or"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":135.45,"endTime":140.82,"body":"fear or concern that the double"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":140.82,"endTime":144.63,"body":"bind creates, it is sometimes"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":140.82,"endTime":144.63,"body":"hard to step back and see what"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":144.63,"endTime":149.31,"body":"your other options are. This is"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":144.63,"endTime":149.31,"body":"a technique that is commonly"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":149.31,"endTime":154.23,"body":"used by abusers, those who are"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":149.31,"endTime":154.23,"body":"physically abusive, verbally"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":154.26,"endTime":159.21,"body":"emotionally abusive, they will"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":154.26,"endTime":159.21,"body":"routinely put their victims into"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":159.21,"endTime":163.38,"body":"a double bind situation because"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":159.21,"endTime":163.38,"body":"that allows them to have power"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":163.38,"endTime":167.31,"body":"and control over the victim."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":163.38,"endTime":167.31,"body":"They keep putting the victim in"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":167.31,"endTime":171.69,"body":"a position where no matter what"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":167.31,"endTime":171.69,"body":"the victim feels like they lose."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":171.9,"endTime":176.04,"body":"And over time, when that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":171.9,"endTime":176.04,"body":"technique is successful against"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":176.04,"endTime":180.12,"body":"the victim, the victim begins"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":176.04,"endTime":180.12,"body":"taking on a mentality of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":180.12,"endTime":185.25,"body":"helplessness. Now, of course, is"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":180.12,"endTime":185.25,"body":"anyone truly helpless in"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":185.25,"endTime":189.36,"body":"situations like that? No. But"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":185.25,"endTime":189.36,"body":"does it sure feel like it? Yeah."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":190.23,"endTime":193.8,"body":"And from within that situation,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":190.23,"endTime":193.8,"body":"it can feel completely hopeless,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":193.98,"endTime":198.72,"body":"that there's really nothing you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":193.98,"endTime":198.72,"body":"can do to ever escape from that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":198.72,"endTime":203.1,"body":"situation. But good news is,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":198.72,"endTime":203.1,"body":"there are things that you can"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":203.1,"endTime":207.78,"body":"do. So one, you become aware of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":203.1,"endTime":207.78,"body":"what the dynamic is, it's a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":207.78,"endTime":213.06,"body":"double bind. It's the if I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":207.78,"endTime":213.06,"body":"respond to this nonsense email"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":213.06,"endTime":217.5,"body":"that is accusing me of doing"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":213.06,"endTime":217.5,"body":"something I didn't do, then I'm"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":217.5,"endTime":221.55,"body":"playing into this game, and it's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":217.5,"endTime":221.55,"body":"creating so much headache. For"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":221.55,"endTime":226.32,"body":"me, it's creating so much just"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":221.55,"endTime":226.32,"body":"stress and anxiety for me,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":226.32,"endTime":228.87,"body":"because this person keeps"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":226.32,"endTime":228.87,"body":"harassing me with all these"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":228.87,"endTime":234.06,"body":"nonsense emails. That's, by the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":228.87,"endTime":234.06,"body":"way, that's what my ex loves to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":234.06,"endTime":238.2,"body":"do. So just make all sorts of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":234.06,"endTime":238.2,"body":"stuff up or make up conditions"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":238.2,"endTime":241.98,"body":"about the kids or makeup"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":238.2,"endTime":241.98,"body":"situations, then send me notes."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":241.98,"endTime":247.17,"body":"And if I write back and disagree"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":241.98,"endTime":247.17,"body":"and call out the nonsense of it,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":247.17,"endTime":251.52,"body":"then I'm a bad parent because"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":247.17,"endTime":251.52,"body":"I'm thinking that, hey, the kids"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":251.52,"endTime":255.48,"body":"are healthy and fine, and that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":251.52,"endTime":255.48,"body":"doesn't really exist. If I don't"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":255.48,"endTime":258.72,"body":"respond to the email, then I'm"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":255.48,"endTime":258.72,"body":"the inattentive parent that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":258.72,"endTime":262.02,"body":"doesn't care about the kids,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":258.72,"endTime":262.02,"body":"because I'm not responding to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":262.02,"endTime":266.1,"body":"the nonsense. Or if I write back"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":262.02,"endTime":266.1,"body":"and say, Oh, well, okay, yes,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":266.1,"endTime":270.42,"body":"they must be so suffering. And"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":266.1,"endTime":270.42,"body":"now I'm playing into a false"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":270.42,"endTime":275.52,"body":"worldview that is now projecting"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":270.42,"endTime":275.52,"body":"her hypochondria and abuse onto"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":275.52,"endTime":280.17,"body":"the children. So, all around,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":275.52,"endTime":280.17,"body":"it's just quite the mess. So"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":280.17,"endTime":283.05,"body":"that's the darned if you do."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":280.17,"endTime":283.05,"body":"Darren, if you don't Yeah, if"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":283.05,"endTime":286.08,"body":"you choose silence, if you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":283.05,"endTime":286.08,"body":"choose not to respond, we have"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":286.08,"endTime":290.34,"body":"fear that the court system is"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":286.08,"endTime":290.34,"body":"going to get a hold of whatever"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":290.37,"endTime":293.1,"body":"email exchanges and say, Oh,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":290.37,"endTime":293.1,"body":"well, you're being an"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":293.13,"endTime":297.57,"body":"uncooperative, bad co parent,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":293.13,"endTime":297.57,"body":"shame, shame, shame, shame, and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":297.57,"endTime":301.17,"body":"then we'll get lectured by the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":297.57,"endTime":301.17,"body":"judge or our worst fear is that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":301.17,"endTime":306.84,"body":"somehow that plays into a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":301.17,"endTime":306.84,"body":"custody situation. So, first and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":306.84,"endTime":310.26,"body":"foremost, you have to see the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":306.84,"endTime":310.26,"body":"game for what it is it is a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":310.26,"endTime":314.58,"body":"double bind, it is designed to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":310.26,"endTime":314.58,"body":"put you in that position, that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":314.58,"endTime":319.53,"body":"is what it is supposed to do,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":314.58,"endTime":319.53,"body":"once you become aware of that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":319.53,"endTime":325.44,"body":"dynamic step back from it, and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":319.53,"endTime":325.44,"body":"start really breaking down the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":325.47,"endTime":330.72,"body":"elements of what's going on. So"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":325.47,"endTime":330.72,"body":"one, we can look at what"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":330.72,"endTime":337.65,"body":"punishment is actually at play."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":330.72,"endTime":337.65,"body":"So if the other person is"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":337.68,"endTime":341.76,"body":"threatening to take us to court,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":337.68,"endTime":341.76,"body":"is that really going to be"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":341.76,"endTime":345.15,"body":"realistic? Do they really have"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":341.76,"endTime":345.15,"body":"any kind of snowball's chance in"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":345.15,"endTime":349.26,"body":"anywhere that it's going to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":345.15,"endTime":349.26,"body":"work? Most likely, that's going"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":349.26,"endTime":352.56,"body":"to be a very, very minor issue"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":349.26,"endTime":352.56,"body":"that probably won't impact you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":352.56,"endTime":356.31,"body":"at all, especially if you can"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":352.56,"endTime":356.31,"body":"show that it's a pattern of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":356.31,"endTime":361.32,"body":"nonsense coming from their side."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":356.31,"endTime":361.32,"body":"Other concerns that we have, you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":361.32,"endTime":366.12,"body":"know, if I do respond, I'm going"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":361.32,"endTime":366.12,"body":"to have this emotional response."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":366.12,"endTime":368.61,"body":"Well, how do you start getting"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":366.12,"endTime":368.61,"body":"yourself out of your own"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":368.91,"endTime":373.62,"body":"emotional response toward the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":368.91,"endTime":373.62,"body":"nonsense from the x? Well, you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":373.62,"endTime":378.06,"body":"start viewing it as a game, you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":373.62,"endTime":378.06,"body":"realize it actually has nothing"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":378.06,"endTime":382.44,"body":"to do with you, you realize it"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":378.06,"endTime":382.44,"body":"has everything to do with them"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":382.44,"endTime":386.79,"body":"engaging in abusive behavior"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":382.44,"endTime":386.79,"body":"toward you, you see the game,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":386.79,"endTime":389.79,"body":"step back from it and say, Wow,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":386.79,"endTime":389.79,"body":"that's actually just a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":389.79,"endTime":395.07,"body":"manifestation of their sickness"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":389.79,"endTime":395.07,"body":"being thrown at me. Another"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":395.07,"endTime":398.58,"body":"thing to keep in mind, maybe"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":395.07,"endTime":398.58,"body":"number two, we'll call it is if"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":398.58,"endTime":402.63,"body":"you're going to be punished."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":398.58,"endTime":402.63,"body":"Either way you go. You're darned"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":402.63,"endTime":405.87,"body":"if you do, you're darned if you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":402.63,"endTime":405.87,"body":"don't, under the rules of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":405.87,"endTime":408.63,"body":"whatever game it is, if you're"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":405.87,"endTime":408.63,"body":"going to be punished no matter"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":408.63,"endTime":414.87,"body":"what, then do whatever you want."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":408.63,"endTime":414.87,"body":"Don't focus on the fear. Because"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":414.93,"endTime":418.44,"body":"even if you respond from fear,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":414.93,"endTime":418.44,"body":"now you're fearful, and you're"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":418.44,"endTime":422.7,"body":"still going to get punished."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":418.44,"endTime":422.7,"body":"Focus on what you really want."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":422.7,"endTime":425.04,"body":"So what is it that you want, you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":422.7,"endTime":425.04,"body":"don't want to be part of the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":425.04,"endTime":428.22,"body":"game, you don't want to be"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":425.04,"endTime":428.22,"body":"involved in it at all, you want"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":428.22,"endTime":431.61,"body":"to be able to take power and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":428.22,"endTime":431.61,"body":"control back for yourself, you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":431.61,"endTime":434.73,"body":"want to be able to focus on"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":431.61,"endTime":434.73,"body":"other things, your hobbies, your"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":434.73,"endTime":437.46,"body":"family, you want to have a good"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":434.73,"endTime":437.46,"body":"night's sleep, you want to be"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":437.46,"endTime":441.48,"body":"able to enjoy your meals, you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":437.46,"endTime":441.48,"body":"want to be able to step out of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":441.48,"endTime":446.79,"body":"the toxic cycles and patterns"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":441.48,"endTime":446.79,"body":"that your ex continues to try to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":446.79,"endTime":450.93,"body":"drag yourself into. So define"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":446.79,"endTime":450.93,"body":"what you want really sit down"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":450.93,"endTime":455.61,"body":"and say, Alright, what do I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":450.93,"endTime":455.61,"body":"want? I know that either way"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":455.61,"endTime":461.55,"body":"this game plays out there is"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":455.61,"endTime":461.55,"body":"that illusion of punishment? And"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":461.55,"endTime":466.05,"body":"so what do I choose to do? What"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":461.55,"endTime":466.05,"body":"do I want my experiences to be?"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":466.44,"endTime":469.29,"body":"And really clearly define, I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":466.44,"endTime":469.29,"body":"want to have, you know, good"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":469.29,"endTime":474.42,"body":"night's sleep, I want to be able"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":469.29,"endTime":474.42,"body":"to see text from my ex and not"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":474.42,"endTime":478.59,"body":"feel like I have to respond to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":474.42,"endTime":478.59,"body":"it at all, I want to see a note"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":478.59,"endTime":483.03,"body":"from my ex about the kids and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":478.59,"endTime":483.03,"body":"just not care about it one bit"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":483.03,"endTime":486.0,"body":"and have no emotional response"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":483.03,"endTime":486.0,"body":"to it whatsoever."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":486.54,"endTime":490.65,"body":"clearly define those experiences"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":486.54,"endTime":490.65,"body":"that you do want to have because"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":490.65,"endTime":494.97,"body":"again, under their game"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":490.65,"endTime":494.97,"body":"structure, you're screwed either"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":494.97,"endTime":498.6,"body":"way you go. So you might as well"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":494.97,"endTime":498.6,"body":"define what you want to do."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":499.47,"endTime":502.92,"body":"After you define what you want"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":499.47,"endTime":502.92,"body":"to do, always ask yourself, How"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":502.92,"endTime":506.64,"body":"do I take a few little steps"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":502.92,"endTime":506.64,"body":"closer to this? How do I start"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":506.64,"endTime":510.33,"body":"having a little better"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":506.64,"endTime":510.33,"body":"experience with this person's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":510.33,"endTime":513.54,"body":"behavior? How do I start"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":510.33,"endTime":513.54,"body":"stepping out of this, and some"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":513.54,"endTime":517.02,"body":"solutions might start coming"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":513.54,"endTime":517.02,"body":"out. So you might say, you know"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":517.02,"endTime":521.61,"body":"what, I really want silence, I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":517.02,"endTime":521.61,"body":"want to be able to look at their"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":521.64,"endTime":526.41,"body":"text and just not respond at all"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":521.64,"endTime":526.41,"body":"and feel okay with that. And"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":526.41,"endTime":529.62,"body":"then you look at the likelihood"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":526.41,"endTime":529.62,"body":"of getting any kind of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":529.8,"endTime":535.5,"body":"legitimate punishment on you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":529.8,"endTime":535.5,"body":"from the court and determined"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":535.5,"endTime":539.52,"body":"that that's incredibly,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":535.5,"endTime":539.52,"body":"incredibly, incredibly low, what"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":539.52,"endTime":543.57,"body":"judge is going to be punishing"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":539.52,"endTime":543.57,"body":"you because you didn't respond"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":543.57,"endTime":547.83,"body":"to some nonsense texts or"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":543.57,"endTime":547.83,"body":"messages from your ex when"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":547.83,"endTime":551.64,"body":"everything else you're doing is"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":547.83,"endTime":551.64,"body":"impeccable. So you just decide,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":551.64,"endTime":554.04,"body":"you know what, I'm just not"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":551.64,"endTime":554.04,"body":"going to play the game anymore,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":554.04,"endTime":558.48,"body":"and you just stop responding"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":554.04,"endTime":558.48,"body":"cold turkey, you just absolutely"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":558.51,"endTime":561.42,"body":"put in a rule that says I'm not"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":558.51,"endTime":561.42,"body":"going to respond to these at"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":561.42,"endTime":565.5,"body":"all. Or maybe you define it,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":561.42,"endTime":565.5,"body":"maybe you send one last note and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":565.5,"endTime":571.02,"body":"say, Hey, it seems like or it"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":565.5,"endTime":571.02,"body":"appears to me that I keep"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":571.02,"endTime":574.26,"body":"getting these messages that are"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":571.02,"endTime":574.26,"body":"like this, that placed me in a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":574.26,"endTime":580.11,"body":"double bind, where if I respond,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":574.26,"endTime":580.11,"body":"that is me dropping my"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":580.11,"endTime":583.89,"body":"boundaries and communicating"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":580.11,"endTime":583.89,"body":"with you in ways that I don't"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":583.89,"endTime":588.3,"body":"think are appropriate. And then"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":583.89,"endTime":588.3,"body":"I know if I don't respond to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":588.3,"endTime":592.53,"body":"these texts you intend or think"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":588.3,"endTime":592.53,"body":"you can use them as evidence"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":592.53,"endTime":597.78,"body":"against me. So what I'm going to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":592.53,"endTime":597.78,"body":"do from now on is I am not going"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":597.78,"endTime":601.92,"body":"to respond to any of these. Just"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":597.78,"endTime":601.92,"body":"You know, these are my rules,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":602.07,"endTime":605.28,"body":"then you put it in writing. And"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":602.07,"endTime":605.28,"body":"anytime they try to bring it up"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":605.28,"endTime":607.62,"body":"in court, guess what's going to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":605.28,"endTime":607.62,"body":"be right in the mix of all the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":607.62,"endTime":611.91,"body":"other communications, you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":607.62,"endTime":611.91,"body":"spelling out your standards and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":611.91,"endTime":614.58,"body":"your boundaries, saying that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":611.91,"endTime":614.58,"body":"you're not going to play the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":614.58,"endTime":617.82,"body":"game. And then once you say"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":614.58,"endTime":617.82,"body":"that, once you state that stick"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":617.82,"endTime":621.21,"body":"to it, that's your boundary, you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":617.82,"endTime":621.21,"body":"enforce it, you keep that, and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":621.21,"endTime":626.46,"body":"you do not back off of it at"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":621.21,"endTime":626.46,"body":"all. That is one great solution."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":626.76,"endTime":630.72,"body":"Another great solution might be"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":626.76,"endTime":630.72,"body":"you just routinely call out"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":630.72,"endTime":633.72,"body":"their game anytime they send"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":630.72,"endTime":633.72,"body":"notes. So this is something I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":633.72,"endTime":638.31,"body":"did with my ex. And it did work"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":633.72,"endTime":638.31,"body":"very well, where she would send"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":638.31,"endTime":643.32,"body":"these nonsense texts or nonsense"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":638.31,"endTime":643.32,"body":"emails and communications about"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":643.32,"endTime":646.89,"body":"the kids and whatever's going on"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":643.32,"endTime":646.89,"body":"and just lying about all sorts"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":646.89,"endTime":651.39,"body":"of stuff. And I would just write"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":646.89,"endTime":651.39,"body":"back, no, that's all I would"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":651.39,"endTime":656.31,"body":"write, or I'd say, not gonna"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":651.39,"endTime":656.31,"body":"play this game. Or I'd say, No,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":656.31,"endTime":660.6,"body":"thank you not going to do this."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":656.31,"endTime":660.6,"body":"And just leave it at that. And"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":660.6,"endTime":665.1,"body":"then over time, that just"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":660.6,"endTime":665.1,"body":"establishes the pattern of the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":665.1,"endTime":670.2,"body":"game, there's the invitation to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":665.1,"endTime":670.2,"body":"the game, and then I decline"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":670.2,"endTime":674.64,"body":"that invitation just by saying,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":670.2,"endTime":674.64,"body":"No, no, thanks. Not gonna do it."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":675.06,"endTime":679.02,"body":"And then leave it at that. That"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":675.06,"endTime":679.02,"body":"can be very effective, too. So"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":679.02,"endTime":682.86,"body":"if you're sitting at, you know,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":679.02,"endTime":682.86,"body":"the Masters table, and not to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":682.86,"endTime":685.62,"body":"insinuate that they are a master"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":682.86,"endTime":685.62,"body":"of anything, but if you're"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":685.62,"endTime":688.41,"body":"sitting there and it's you know,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":685.62,"endTime":688.41,"body":"darned if you do darned if you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":688.41,"endTime":691.2,"body":"don't, if you answer the text,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":688.41,"endTime":691.2,"body":"you're going to get whacked. If"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":691.2,"endTime":693.39,"body":"you don't answer the text, do"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":691.2,"endTime":693.39,"body":"you think you're going to get"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":693.39,"endTime":697.56,"body":"whacked? So come up with"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":693.39,"endTime":697.56,"body":"something else? Just say, No"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":697.56,"endTime":703.11,"body":"thanks. And walk away. Or just"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":697.56,"endTime":703.11,"body":"decide, you know what, I'm going"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":703.11,"endTime":708.93,"body":"to use my own counter responses,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":703.11,"endTime":708.93,"body":"like saying, No, thank you, I'm"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":708.93,"endTime":713.67,"body":"not going to play this. Or you."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":708.93,"endTime":713.67,"body":"I mean, some people have success"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":713.67,"endTime":717.24,"body":"by being slightly sarcastic in"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":713.67,"endTime":717.24,"body":"their responses and saying, gee,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":717.24,"endTime":721.47,"body":"wonder what you're up to this"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":717.24,"endTime":721.47,"body":"time, and throw it back over on"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":721.47,"endTime":726.21,"body":"the other side. Knowing that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":721.47,"endTime":726.21,"body":"anything that they say in"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":726.21,"endTime":728.94,"body":"response, that's going to be"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":726.21,"endTime":728.94,"body":"part of the record. So if they"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":728.94,"endTime":732.03,"body":"want to try to call you out down"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":728.94,"endTime":732.03,"body":"the road in front of a judge or"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":732.03,"endTime":735.69,"body":"anyone else, guess what, you're"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":732.03,"endTime":735.69,"body":"already spelling out your"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":735.69,"endTime":739.11,"body":"argument on why it's a double"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":735.69,"endTime":739.11,"body":"bind, and why you're not playing"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":739.11,"endTime":744.45,"body":"it. So one of the best things"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":739.11,"endTime":744.45,"body":"you can do, don't get into some"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":744.45,"endTime":749.28,"body":"kind of big drawn out argument"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":744.45,"endTime":749.28,"body":"over the double binds themselves"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":749.28,"endTime":753.33,"body":"or try to teach them about"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":749.28,"endTime":753.33,"body":"double binds or try to explain"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":753.33,"endTime":756.87,"body":"to them why they are abusers."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":753.33,"endTime":756.87,"body":"And using a double bind, don't"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":756.87,"endTime":760.08,"body":"get into any of that nonsense at"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":756.87,"endTime":760.08,"body":"all, it will not work on these"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":760.08,"endTime":763.86,"body":"people. All you're doing is"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":760.08,"endTime":763.86,"body":"wasting your time. You know that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":763.86,"endTime":768.06,"body":"that's what they're doing. If"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":763.86,"endTime":768.06,"body":"you see that you have the darned"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":768.06,"endTime":771.36,"body":"if you do darned if you don't"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":768.06,"endTime":771.36,"body":"sort of dynamic and you're"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":771.36,"endTime":774.99,"body":"feeling helpless. If you're"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":771.36,"endTime":774.99,"body":"feeling resentful, or rageful,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":774.99,"endTime":777.69,"body":"toward whatever they're sending"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":774.99,"endTime":777.69,"body":"you, you're in a double bind,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":777.72,"endTime":781.23,"body":"you know that that's what it is."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":777.72,"endTime":781.23,"body":"So look for those creative"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":781.23,"endTime":785.07,"body":"solutions to step out of the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":781.23,"endTime":785.07,"body":"game itself."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":785.639,"endTime":789.569,"body":"If you know that you've done"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":785.639,"endTime":789.569,"body":"nothing wrong, then you're good."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":789.899,"endTime":792.509,"body":"And so that brings me to the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":789.899,"endTime":792.509,"body":"final point. And something you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":792.509,"endTime":795.299,"body":"hear me talk about very, very"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":792.509,"endTime":795.299,"body":"often through all of these"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":795.299,"endTime":799.109,"body":"concepts is the importance of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":795.299,"endTime":799.109,"body":"you being impeccable in what you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":799.109,"endTime":804.059,"body":"do. So if you don't want to be"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":799.109,"endTime":804.059,"body":"the victim of their games, do"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":804.059,"endTime":807.809,"body":"not play any games yourself. And"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":804.059,"endTime":807.809,"body":"then when you are with the kids"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":807.809,"endTime":809.999,"body":"and your parenting and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":807.809,"endTime":809.999,"body":"everything else you're doing in"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":809.999,"endTime":814.229,"body":"life, strive to be impeccable."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":809.999,"endTime":814.229,"body":"Make sure your word is always"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":814.229,"endTime":817.829,"body":"your word, make sure your"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":814.229,"endTime":817.829,"body":"behavior is really upright. And"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":817.829,"endTime":824.639,"body":"whatever you're doing, do not"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":817.829,"endTime":824.639,"body":"give them any information, do"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":824.639,"endTime":829.559,"body":"not give them any ammunition,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":824.639,"endTime":829.559,"body":"don't give them any, anything"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":829.559,"endTime":833.669,"body":"that they can use against you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":829.559,"endTime":833.669,"body":"based on your poor behavior"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":833.669,"endTime":837.269,"body":"choices, or you're in"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":833.669,"endTime":837.269,"body":"consistencies, your failure to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":837.269,"endTime":841.709,"body":"keep your word your anything"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":837.269,"endTime":841.709,"body":"else, you go to that higher"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":841.709,"endTime":845.909,"body":"level, you define what high"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":841.709,"endTime":845.909,"body":"standard you want to live to."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":846.059,"endTime":850.169,"body":"And then you live that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":846.059,"endTime":850.169,"body":"impeccably. And so when they"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":850.169,"endTime":854.129,"body":"come at you with a double bind"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":850.169,"endTime":854.129,"body":"game, and you say, you know what"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":854.129,"endTime":857.009,"body":"my choice is I'm just going to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":854.129,"endTime":857.009,"body":"walk away from the game"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":857.009,"endTime":860.549,"body":"completely because I see this as"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":857.009,"endTime":860.549,"body":"the game being played. I call it"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":860.549,"endTime":864.029,"body":"out as a double bind. I know it"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":860.549,"endTime":864.029,"body":"has nothing to do with me. I'm"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":864.029,"endTime":867.509,"body":"not even going to respond to it."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":864.029,"endTime":867.509,"body":"I'm going to go eat a cookie or"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":867.509,"endTime":870.419,"body":"I'm going to go for a run, I'm"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":867.509,"endTime":870.419,"body":"going to go do something else"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":870.629,"endTime":875.309,"body":"and focus on better life. If you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":870.629,"endTime":875.309,"body":"are living impeccably through"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":875.309,"endTime":878.999,"body":"all that period as well. Nobody"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":875.309,"endTime":878.999,"body":"has anything to hold against"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":878.999,"endTime":882.749,"body":"you. What are they going to do?"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":878.999,"endTime":882.749,"body":"They're going to say, oh, here's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":882.749,"endTime":887.069,"body":"this impeccable, solid person"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":882.749,"endTime":887.069,"body":"who's not responding to this."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":887.219,"endTime":891.359,"body":"And if you're concerned about"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":887.219,"endTime":891.359,"body":"having to you know, ever ever"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":891.389,"endTime":895.649,"body":"rarely be called on the carpet"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":891.389,"endTime":895.649,"body":"later on to explain why you did"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":895.649,"endTime":900.509,"body":"not respond to this particular"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":895.649,"endTime":900.509,"body":"email Miss so and so or Whatever"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":900.509,"endTime":905.429,"body":"nonsense these family attorneys"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":900.509,"endTime":905.429,"body":"do, keep yourself some notes. On"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":905.429,"endTime":909.299,"body":"any time you don't respond to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":905.429,"endTime":909.299,"body":"one of these texts, just write"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":909.299,"endTime":912.719,"body":"down, just keep a little bullet"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":909.299,"endTime":912.719,"body":"point, you know, hey, this note,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":913.079,"endTime":916.259,"body":"this was a double bind game."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":913.079,"endTime":916.259,"body":"This is the truth of the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":916.259,"endTime":918.959,"body":"situation. So if you have an"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":916.259,"endTime":918.959,"body":"allegation that you didn't give"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":918.959,"endTime":922.199,"body":"the kids their medicine, or you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":918.959,"endTime":922.199,"body":"didn't do this, or you didn't"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":922.199,"endTime":924.929,"body":"send them with coats, or you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":922.199,"endTime":924.929,"body":"didn't do whatever, or"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":925.019,"endTime":929.399,"body":"accusations that you said things"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":925.019,"endTime":929.399,"body":"to the kids that you never said"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":929.399,"endTime":932.819,"body":"at all, just write down Oh, I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":929.399,"endTime":932.819,"body":"was accused of this, this never"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":932.819,"endTime":936.719,"body":"happened. I was accused of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":932.819,"endTime":936.719,"body":"saying X, Y and Z. That did not"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":936.719,"endTime":939.689,"body":"happen. This is actually what"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":936.719,"endTime":939.689,"body":"was said. And you put that in"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":939.689,"endTime":942.659,"body":"your book, and you keep that to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":939.689,"endTime":942.659,"body":"yourself, and then you just"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":943.049,"endTime":947.399,"body":"ignore everything else. The"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":943.049,"endTime":947.399,"body":"truth, if the truth does come"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":947.399,"endTime":950.849,"body":"out will be that you are"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":947.399,"endTime":950.849,"body":"impeccable in what you do for"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":950.849,"endTime":954.119,"body":"the kids, you are impeccable in"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":950.849,"endTime":954.119,"body":"what you say to and around the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":954.119,"endTime":958.079,"body":"kids. You're not engaging in any"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":954.119,"endTime":958.079,"body":"of the behaviors that you are"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":958.079,"endTime":963.419,"body":"being accused of. And so the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":958.079,"endTime":963.419,"body":"actual evidence will support"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":963.419,"endTime":966.839,"body":"your version of the story. And"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":963.419,"endTime":966.839,"body":"then the other person who's just"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":966.839,"endTime":969.719,"body":"making stuff up and thinking"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":966.839,"endTime":969.719,"body":"that if they think it and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":969.719,"endTime":972.689,"body":"imagine it and write it down,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":969.719,"endTime":972.689,"body":"that somehow that creates"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":972.689,"endTime":973.199,"body":"evidence,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":973.35,"endTime":974.16,"body":"well just let them"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":974.16,"endTime":978.45,"body":"go and act the fool and look the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":974.16,"endTime":978.45,"body":"fool. That is what a lawyer can"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":978.45,"endTime":980.82,"body":"handle or should handle if"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":978.45,"endTime":980.82,"body":"they're worth what you're paying"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":980.82,"endTime":985.8,"body":"them. The importance is you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":980.82,"endTime":985.8,"body":"getting yourself out of the game"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":985.8,"endTime":989.01,"body":"for your own peace of mind. So"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":985.8,"endTime":989.01,"body":"anyways, that is a double bind,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":989.7,"endTime":994.62,"body":"you do not have to get hit with"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":989.7,"endTime":994.62,"body":"a stick, you can if you choose"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":994.62,"endTime":998.76,"body":"to. So you might say you know"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":994.62,"endTime":998.76,"body":"what, I'll go ahead and you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":998.76,"endTime":1002.42,"body":"know, fire off some counter"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":998.76,"endTime":1002.42,"body":"response for my own satisfaction"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1002.42,"endTime":1006.41,"body":"and take the hit from it fine."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1002.42,"endTime":1006.41,"body":"If that's what you want to do."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1006.62,"endTime":1011.36,"body":"Make it your choice, your"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1006.62,"endTime":1011.36,"body":"conscious choice to do so. Or if"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1011.36,"endTime":1013.79,"body":"you say you know what, I'm just"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1011.36,"endTime":1013.79,"body":"gonna walk away from the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1013.79,"endTime":1018.26,"body":"situation and not engage in it"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1013.79,"endTime":1018.26,"body":"fine, make that your conscious,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1018.26,"endTime":1022.82,"body":"consistent decision to always do"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1018.26,"endTime":1022.82,"body":"so. Or if you want to call out"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1022.82,"endTime":1026.63,"body":"the game. If you want to name a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1022.82,"endTime":1026.63,"body":"boundary name, the specific"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1026.63,"endTime":1031.1,"body":"boundary of ice the game being"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1026.63,"endTime":1031.1,"body":"played out, and I'm not going to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1031.1,"endTime":1035.42,"body":"play this game anymore. Any"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1031.1,"endTime":1035.42,"body":"further communications like this"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1035.57,"endTime":1039.71,"body":"will be met with silence if it"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1035.57,"endTime":1039.71,"body":"is something that I deem that I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1039.71,"endTime":1044.0,"body":"have to respond to, I will if I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1039.71,"endTime":1044.0,"body":"don't think I have to, I won't"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1044.03,"endTime":1049.01,"body":"the end and then live by that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1044.03,"endTime":1049.01,"body":"standard. And again, going back"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1049.01,"endTime":1052.31,"body":"to it is always worth repeating."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1049.01,"endTime":1052.31,"body":"Always make sure you're living"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1052.43,"endTime":1057.02,"body":"in that impeccable way. So"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1052.43,"endTime":1057.02,"body":"double binds, they suck when"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1057.02,"endTime":1059.96,"body":"you're in when you're in them."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1057.02,"endTime":1059.96,"body":"They can feel helpless and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1059.96,"endTime":1063.29,"body":"disempowering while you are in"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1059.96,"endTime":1063.29,"body":"them. But guess what? It's a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1063.29,"endTime":1066.92,"body":"game. You can recognize the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1063.29,"endTime":1066.92,"body":"game. You can write your own"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1066.92,"endTime":1070.37,"body":"rules. You can choose your own"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1066.92,"endTime":1070.37,"body":"outcomes, you can focus on the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1070.37,"endTime":1074.63,"body":"things that you want, and you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1070.37,"endTime":1074.63,"body":"can find ways to shift power and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1074.63,"endTime":1078.47,"body":"control completely back to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1074.63,"endTime":1078.47,"body":"yourself. Let them go play their"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1078.47,"endTime":1082.31,"body":"own game. Fine, go have fun,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1078.47,"endTime":1082.31,"body":"take your ball, go play. I don't"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1082.31,"endTime":1085.43,"body":"care. I'm going over here to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1082.31,"endTime":1085.43,"body":"play something else. That is a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1085.43,"endTime":1089.06,"body":"perfectly fine attitude you can"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1085.43,"endTime":1089.06,"body":"have with these people step out"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1089.06,"endTime":1093.68,"body":"of the abusive dynamic step out"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1089.06,"endTime":1093.68,"body":"of the power and control dynamic"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1093.68,"endTime":1095.27,"body":"that they are trying to create"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1093.68,"endTime":1095.27,"body":"with you."}]}