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Sometimes your ex"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":575.939,"endTime":580.289,"body":"will overshare and they'll start"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":580.289,"endTime":585.299,"body":"blabbing about you did this and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":580.289,"endTime":585.299,"body":"did that and slept with who and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":585.299,"endTime":588.149,"body":"did these things and then"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":585.299,"endTime":588.149,"body":"they'll make up other things"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":588.149,"endTime":590.789,"body":"too, and they'll get accused for"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":588.149,"endTime":590.789,"body":"all sorts of things you never"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":590.789,"endTime":593.819,"body":"did. And maybe your life would"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":590.789,"endTime":593.819,"body":"have been far more exciting if"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":593.819,"endTime":598.829,"body":"you had done them. But don't"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":593.819,"endTime":598.829,"body":"don't don't do that when people"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":598.829,"endTime":602.939,"body":"overshare and ways that out of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":598.829,"endTime":602.939,"body":"spite, and that's to try to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":602.939,"endTime":607.559,"body":"create loyalty bonds. That's the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":602.939,"endTime":607.559,"body":"initial seeds of alienation."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":607.589,"endTime":611.759,"body":"Don't do it. Do not, do not do"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":607.589,"endTime":611.759,"body":"not do it. Try to keep"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":611.759,"endTime":616.379,"body":"everything couched in terms of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":611.759,"endTime":616.379,"body":"just, these are the basic"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":616.439,"endTime":622.229,"body":"realities of relationships. This"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":616.439,"endTime":622.229,"body":"is the basic reality of growth"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":622.229,"endTime":624.779,"body":"and evolution of people in"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":622.229,"endTime":624.779,"body":"relationships is sometimes they"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":624.779,"endTime":628.649,"body":"grow apart and they change. And"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":624.779,"endTime":628.649,"body":"it's not wrong for that to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":628.649,"endTime":632.039,"body":"happen. That's what"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":628.649,"endTime":632.039,"body":"relationships do. Relationships"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":632.039,"endTime":636.179,"body":"evolve, and they change and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":632.039,"endTime":636.179,"body":"sometimes evolution and change"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":636.179,"endTime":638.819,"body":"in relationship results in going"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":636.179,"endTime":638.819,"body":"different paths. And that's all"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":638.819,"endTime":641.759,"body":"right, we have different"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":638.819,"endTime":641.759,"body":"visions, it's not working out,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":642.179,"endTime":646.919,"body":"here we go. And then give them"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":642.179,"endTime":646.919,"body":"Step five, the next steps, well,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":646.919,"endTime":649.259,"body":"what can they expect, hey, this"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":646.919,"endTime":649.259,"body":"isn't working out. But you know"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":649.259,"endTime":652.889,"body":"what, I'm going to create this."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":649.259,"endTime":652.889,"body":"This is the plan, this is the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":652.889,"endTime":657.509,"body":"vision, having a great life. And"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":652.889,"endTime":657.509,"body":"these are the things that will"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":657.539,"endTime":659.999,"body":"change, I think these will"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":657.539,"endTime":659.999,"body":"change, you know, I'll be living"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":659.999,"endTime":662.819,"body":"over here, it's gonna be a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":659.999,"endTime":662.819,"body":"department like this, this is"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":662.819,"endTime":666.029,"body":"the plan. These are some of the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":662.819,"endTime":666.029,"body":"things we have initially"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":666.029,"endTime":668.669,"body":"hammered out. As far as you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":666.029,"endTime":668.669,"body":"know, you'll spend this time"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":668.669,"endTime":671.969,"body":"here this time there, there's no"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":668.669,"endTime":671.969,"body":"plan on changing your school at"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":671.969,"endTime":675.659,"body":"this point. So don't worry about"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":671.969,"endTime":675.659,"body":"that, that's cool. You're not"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":675.659,"endTime":679.169,"body":"going to have to be backpacking"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":675.659,"endTime":679.169,"body":"stuff, you know, back and forth"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":679.169,"endTime":683.459,"body":"all the time, I've got stuff set"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":679.169,"endTime":683.459,"body":"for you, you're good to go. I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":683.459,"endTime":688.529,"body":"mean, have have those next steps"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":683.459,"endTime":688.529,"body":"laid out and make it sound kind"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":688.529,"endTime":690.989,"body":"of exciting. You don't have to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":688.529,"endTime":690.989,"body":"be like as Disneyland every"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":690.989,"endTime":693.599,"body":"weekend and make all these"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":690.989,"endTime":693.599,"body":"though pie in the sky sort of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":693.599,"endTime":696.629,"body":"promises that you're never going"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":693.599,"endTime":696.629,"body":"to keep but focus on the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":696.629,"endTime":699.659,"body":"positive focus on the vision,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":696.629,"endTime":699.659,"body":"focus on what you want to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":699.659,"endTime":702.629,"body":"create, you know, this is an"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":699.659,"endTime":702.629,"body":"opportunity for, you know, us to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":702.629,"endTime":707.129,"body":"do these things. And we're going"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":702.629,"endTime":707.129,"body":"to, you know, build a home"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":707.129,"endTime":710.789,"body":"culture and you can really get"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":707.129,"endTime":710.789,"body":"into those things, too, you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":710.789,"endTime":714.779,"body":"know, certain lighting up their"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":710.789,"endTime":714.779,"body":"imagination about what things"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":714.779,"endTime":717.539,"body":"are going to be so then they're"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":714.779,"endTime":717.539,"body":"focused a lot more on what"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":717.539,"endTime":720.599,"body":"you're going to be creating,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":717.539,"endTime":720.599,"body":"instead of things that they're"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":720.629,"endTime":725.669,"body":"imagining that they're losing."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":720.629,"endTime":725.669,"body":"Step six, reassure them,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":725.969,"endTime":731.009,"body":"reassure them over and over and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":725.969,"endTime":731.009,"body":"over again, that the divorce has"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":731.009,"endTime":735.389,"body":"nothing to do with them. It is"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":731.009,"endTime":735.389,"body":"not their fault, they didn't do"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":735.389,"endTime":739.019,"body":"anything to cause it, you are"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":735.389,"endTime":739.019,"body":"not getting a divorce, because"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":739.079,"endTime":741.659,"body":"you don't want to spend time"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":739.079,"endTime":741.659,"body":"with them. Just be like, Look,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":741.689,"endTime":746.669,"body":"this has nothing to do with you."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":741.689,"endTime":746.669,"body":"I love you. And you know, this"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":746.669,"endTime":751.259,"body":"relationship over here, this has"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":746.669,"endTime":751.259,"body":"evolved and changed, but it's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":751.259,"endTime":758.099,"body":"not because of you, you have not"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":751.259,"endTime":758.099,"body":"caused this to happen. You're"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":758.099,"endTime":761.879,"body":"not at fault. You're not to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":758.099,"endTime":761.879,"body":"blame, love you, we're going to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":761.879,"endTime":766.169,"body":"create this thing together and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":761.879,"endTime":766.169,"body":"you know, your my kids and love"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":766.169,"endTime":770.309,"body":"you to pieces and give them that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":766.169,"endTime":770.309,"body":"reassurance that this is"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":770.309,"endTime":774.839,"body":"happening for adult reasons that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":770.309,"endTime":774.839,"body":"are completely independent of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":775.079,"endTime":778.529,"body":"anything involving them, and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":775.079,"endTime":778.529,"body":"that you are doing nothing but"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":778.739,"endTime":783.029,"body":"staying with them, reassuring"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":778.739,"endTime":783.029,"body":"them, supporting them being on"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":783.029,"endTime":787.799,"body":"their team, and not blaming them"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":783.029,"endTime":787.799,"body":"at all, because it's not their"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":787.799,"endTime":792.029,"body":"fault. 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They'd be like, I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":808.679,"endTime":813.479,"body":"know, that was a ton. 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And"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":965.1,"endTime":968.64,"body":"then over time, you can keep"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":968.64,"endTime":971.7,"body":"checking in with them know how"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":968.64,"endTime":971.7,"body":"you feel and what's going on."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":972.09,"endTime":974.73,"body":"Tell me about your day and then"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":972.09,"endTime":974.73,"body":"start incorporating"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":974.73,"endTime":975.96,"body":"conversations about you know,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":975.99,"endTime":976.89,"body":"hey, you know,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":976.919,"endTime":980.549,"body":"what do you think about this"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":976.919,"endTime":980.549,"body":"Wasn't that a lot of fun, hey,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":981.269,"endTime":985.469,"body":"find things to be appreciative"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":981.269,"endTime":985.469,"body":"about in this new lifestyle, get"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":985.469,"endTime":989.069,"body":"their feedback, get their ideas,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":985.469,"endTime":989.069,"body":"check in with their emotions,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":989.069,"endTime":992.789,"body":"and then anytime that they're"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":989.069,"endTime":992.789,"body":"showing, you know, concern or"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":992.789,"endTime":996.629,"body":"anxiety over the divorce, if"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":992.789,"endTime":996.629,"body":"they're saying Oh, the divorce"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":996.629,"endTime":1001.099,"body":"or this or that. That's a signal"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":996.629,"endTime":1001.099,"body":"to you that there's something"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1001.099,"endTime":1004.549,"body":"behind that thing. So if they're"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1001.099,"endTime":1004.549,"body":"saying, Oh, it's the divorce,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1004.819,"endTime":1009.589,"body":"no, that's their concern over"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1004.819,"endTime":1009.589,"body":"the divorce is not the thing."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1009.589,"endTime":1012.979,"body":"It's the thing behind the thing."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1009.589,"endTime":1012.979,"body":"And the thing that's usually"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1012.979,"endTime":1018.169,"body":"back there is insecurity. And so"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1012.979,"endTime":1018.169,"body":"that's where they need to be"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1018.589,"endTime":1023.899,"body":"built back up. They need to know"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1018.589,"endTime":1023.899,"body":"you got your act together, you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1023.959,"endTime":1027.019,"body":"they need to know you got your"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1023.959,"endTime":1027.019,"body":"plan. They need to know they're"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1027.019,"endTime":1032.089,"body":"safe. They need to be secured."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1027.019,"endTime":1032.089,"body":"And they need to just be"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1032.089,"endTime":1036.229,"body":"reassured they need to be"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1032.089,"endTime":1036.229,"body":"supported. Have gotcha. Here's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1036.229,"endTime":1039.319,"body":"what we're doing. You can go"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1036.229,"endTime":1039.319,"body":"over the vision again, you can"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1039.319,"endTime":1043.459,"body":"give them the basics of why"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1039.319,"endTime":1043.459,"body":"things happen and make sure to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1043.459,"endTime":1046.339,"body":"check in with them. That is not"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1043.459,"endTime":1046.339,"body":"their fault. That's how you have"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1046.339,"endTime":1047.059,"body":"the conversation."}]}