{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":0.45,"endTime":3.69,"body":"This is unapologetic"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":0.45,"endTime":3.69,"body":"parenting podcast dedicated to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3.69,"endTime":7.38,"body":"candidly and unapologetically"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3.69,"endTime":7.38,"body":"discussing parenting, divorce"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":7.38,"endTime":11.19,"body":"and co parenting. We take on the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":7.38,"endTime":11.19,"body":"topics most people don't want to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":11.19,"endTime":14.55,"body":"talk about and offer support and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":11.19,"endTime":14.55,"body":"solutions to help you be a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":14.55,"endTime":19.02,"body":"better parent, co parent and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":14.55,"endTime":19.02,"body":"human being. Now without further"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":19.02,"endTime":20.73,"body":"ado, let's get right to it."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":23.61,"endTime":26.67,"body":"Welcome back to unapologetic"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":23.61,"endTime":26.67,"body":"parenting. I am your host Carl"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":26.67,"endTime":31.68,"body":"Knickerbocker. And today we are"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":26.67,"endTime":31.68,"body":"talking about apologies or more"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":31.68,"endTime":35.58,"body":"specifically with the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":31.68,"endTime":35.58,"body":"narcissistic exes, the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":35.58,"endTime":40.47,"body":"narcissistic other parents, the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":35.58,"endTime":40.47,"body":"lack thereof, or the lack of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":40.47,"endTime":45.75,"body":"genuine apologies thereof. So we"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":40.47,"endTime":45.75,"body":"all make mistakes, we all screw"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":45.75,"endTime":50.64,"body":"things up. We all occasionally"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":45.75,"endTime":50.64,"body":"hurt people, we all do stupid"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":50.64,"endTime":55.2,"body":"things. Normal people are able"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":50.64,"endTime":55.2,"body":"to say you know what? I'm going"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":55.2,"endTime":59.28,"body":"to own my mistakes. I'm going to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":55.2,"endTime":59.28,"body":"offer a genuine apology, I'm"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":59.28,"endTime":63.24,"body":"going to work to change I'm"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":59.28,"endTime":63.24,"body":"going to work to try to make"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":63.24,"endTime":67.35,"body":"things better, to try to soothe"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":63.24,"endTime":67.35,"body":"the hurt feelings. I want to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":67.38,"endTime":71.13,"body":"rebuild trust, I want to heal"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":67.38,"endTime":71.13,"body":"the relationship. Normal people"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":71.13,"endTime":74.7,"body":"operate in that way. narcissists"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":71.13,"endTime":74.7,"body":"narcissistic people,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":74.73,"endTime":80.49,"body":"narcissistic exes, narcissistic"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":74.73,"endTime":80.49,"body":"other parents. They rarely, if"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":80.52,"endTime":87.57,"body":"ever, offer an apology that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":80.52,"endTime":87.57,"body":"qualifies as anything resembling"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":87.57,"endTime":93.84,"body":"an authentic apology. What they"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":87.57,"endTime":93.84,"body":"do not do is offer any sort of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":93.9,"endTime":98.82,"body":"apology to repair the foundation"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":93.9,"endTime":98.82,"body":"of any relationship, they will"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":98.85,"endTime":105.45,"body":"offer either a veiled fake"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":98.85,"endTime":105.45,"body":"apology, a misleading apology,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":106.32,"endTime":109.74,"body":"or they will make something"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":106.32,"endTime":109.74,"body":"sound like a real apology, but"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":109.74,"endTime":113.73,"body":"then not follow it with any kind"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":109.74,"endTime":113.73,"body":"of genuine significant or"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":113.73,"endTime":118.65,"body":"consistent change in order to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":113.73,"endTime":118.65,"body":"lay the foundation for future"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":118.65,"endTime":122.94,"body":"offenses future ways to continue"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":118.65,"endTime":122.94,"body":"exploiting the other person. So"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":122.94,"endTime":125.94,"body":"what are some of these fake"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":122.94,"endTime":125.94,"body":"apologies, a lot of people have"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":125.94,"endTime":128.34,"body":"been asking what are what are"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":125.94,"endTime":128.34,"body":"these false ones? What are these"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":128.34,"endTime":133.38,"body":"fake or misleading ones? Well,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":128.34,"endTime":133.38,"body":"typically, you start hearing"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":133.38,"endTime":138.72,"body":"fake apologies in terms of I'm"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":133.38,"endTime":138.72,"body":"sorry, that you feel or I'm"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":138.72,"endTime":145.59,"body":"sorry, that you felt I'm sorry,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":138.72,"endTime":145.59,"body":"if you thought I'm sorry, if you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":146.01,"endTime":150.87,"body":"those sort of constructions are"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":146.01,"endTime":150.87,"body":"a deferral of accountability"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":151.08,"endTime":154.83,"body":"back onto the person who has"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":151.08,"endTime":154.83,"body":"hurt. So it's basically Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":154.83,"endTime":157.92,"body":"I'm sorry that there's something"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":154.83,"endTime":157.92,"body":"wrong with you that you felt"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":157.92,"endTime":163.26,"body":"that way. I'm sorry that you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":157.92,"endTime":163.26,"body":"feel that not I'm sorry for what"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":163.26,"endTime":169.74,"body":"I did. I'm sorry that you have"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":163.26,"endTime":169.74,"body":"some sort of imbalance in your"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":169.74,"endTime":172.35,"body":"emotions, I'm not going to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":169.74,"endTime":172.35,"body":"actually take accountability or"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":172.35,"endTime":178.98,"body":"responsibility. I'm going to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":172.35,"endTime":178.98,"body":"dump it all back onto you. It"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":178.98,"endTime":183.15,"body":"comes across more like blaming"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":178.98,"endTime":183.15,"body":"than anything else, but we're"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":183.15,"endTime":187.05,"body":"trained to just kind of hear"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":183.15,"endTime":187.05,"body":"apologies like that and think,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":187.08,"endTime":190.5,"body":"oh, the person's apologizing."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":187.08,"endTime":190.5,"body":"They're actually saying I'm"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":190.5,"endTime":196.38,"body":"sorry, but anything after the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":190.5,"endTime":196.38,"body":"I'm sorry, if we don't pay close"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":196.38,"endTime":200.46,"body":"attention to what's actually"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":196.38,"endTime":200.46,"body":"being said, then we're going to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":200.46,"endTime":204.6,"body":"miss that most of the time, if"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":200.46,"endTime":204.6,"body":"not all of the time. with people"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":204.6,"endTime":210.03,"body":"like this, we are not actually"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":204.6,"endTime":210.03,"body":"getting any kind of genuine"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":210.12,"endTime":214.14,"body":"remorse, we're not getting any"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":210.12,"endTime":214.14,"body":"kind of genuine apology. Other"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":214.14,"endTime":219.63,"body":"things that they may say is, I'm"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":214.14,"endTime":219.63,"body":"sorry, that I may have done, I'm"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":219.63,"endTime":225.6,"body":"sorry, that I might have done."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":219.63,"endTime":225.6,"body":"or other classic ones. I'm sorry"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":225.6,"endTime":231.66,"body":"for what you think I did. I'm"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":225.6,"endTime":231.66,"body":"sorry for whatever you think, I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":231.66,"endTime":237.15,"body":"probably shouldn't have. Or"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":231.66,"endTime":237.15,"body":"maybe I should have done"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":237.15,"endTime":241.89,"body":"something different. All of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":237.15,"endTime":241.89,"body":"these hedging languages are"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":241.89,"endTime":246.75,"body":"always of not taking any actual"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":241.89,"endTime":246.75,"body":"accountability. So on the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":246.75,"endTime":251.19,"body":"surface, it may sound like"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":246.75,"endTime":251.19,"body":"they're saying something like an"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":251.19,"endTime":256.26,"body":"apology. But when you actually"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":251.19,"endTime":256.26,"body":"analyze what's being said, it's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":256.29,"endTime":260.49,"body":"all avoidance. It's either"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":256.29,"endTime":260.49,"body":"blaming, it's avoidance. It's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":260.49,"endTime":267.24,"body":"deferring accountability. It's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":260.49,"endTime":267.24,"body":"not an actual apology. Sometimes"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":267.24,"endTime":272.1,"body":"these narcissistic folks will"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":267.24,"endTime":272.1,"body":"turn apologies into deals as in"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":272.13,"endTime":278.19,"body":"our apologize. Sure, I'll"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":272.13,"endTime":278.19,"body":"apologize if you do this. I'll"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":278.22,"endTime":283.59,"body":"sure I'll apologize. I'll do"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":278.22,"endTime":283.59,"body":"that if you apologize First, if"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":283.59,"endTime":287.79,"body":"you admit how wrong you were."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":283.59,"endTime":287.79,"body":"And then typically what follows"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":287.79,"endTime":291.6,"body":"that is when you give some form"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":287.79,"endTime":291.6,"body":"of genuine apology or actually"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":291.6,"endTime":296.4,"body":"own something for your your side"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":291.6,"endTime":296.4,"body":"or you get manipulated and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":296.4,"endTime":299.79,"body":"gaslighted into taking"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":296.4,"endTime":299.79,"body":"responsibility for things you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":299.79,"endTime":303.54,"body":"never did wrong in the first"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":299.79,"endTime":303.54,"body":"place, then usually they reward"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":303.54,"endTime":309.0,"body":"you with a fake apology."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":303.54,"endTime":309.0,"body":"narcissistic parents will often"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":309.12,"endTime":315.21,"body":"talk to their kids like you seem"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":309.12,"endTime":315.21,"body":"so upset. I'm sorry that you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":315.21,"endTime":320.16,"body":"feel hurt. And these are all"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":315.21,"endTime":320.16,"body":"extensions of the fake apologies"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":320.16,"endTime":324.09,"body":"and are part of a narcissist"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":320.16,"endTime":324.09,"body":"essentially getting off on"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":324.09,"endTime":327.84,"body":"whatever pain they cause to the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":324.09,"endTime":327.84,"body":"kids. So when you watch when"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":327.84,"endTime":332.46,"body":"they do things to the children"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":327.84,"endTime":332.46,"body":"when they are mistreating them,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":332.46,"endTime":336.36,"body":"if they're neglecting them, if"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":332.46,"endTime":336.36,"body":"they are gaslighting them, if"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":336.36,"endTime":339.51,"body":"they're doing all number of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":336.36,"endTime":339.51,"body":"things that they do in order to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":339.51,"endTime":344.07,"body":"cause the children harm, they"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":339.51,"endTime":344.07,"body":"will then kind of swoop in, and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":344.07,"endTime":348.33,"body":"they're going to be now the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":344.07,"endTime":348.33,"body":"empathetic parent and oh, you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":348.33,"endTime":354.03,"body":"seem so upset, you seem so hurt."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":348.33,"endTime":354.03,"body":"I'm so sorry that you feel that."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":354.63,"endTime":357.3,"body":"But of course, the whole time,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":354.63,"endTime":357.3,"body":"they're just feeding off of it."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":357.69,"endTime":361.59,"body":"That is classic classic"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":357.69,"endTime":361.59,"body":"narcissistic parenting, they"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":361.59,"endTime":367.8,"body":"cause the hurt and then they"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":361.59,"endTime":367.8,"body":"pretend to provide support for"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":367.8,"endTime":371.67,"body":"the hurt, but they never"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":367.8,"endTime":371.67,"body":"actually take accountability for"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":371.67,"endTime":376.86,"body":"causing it they cause it then"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":371.67,"endTime":376.86,"body":"swoop in, pretend to be the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":376.86,"endTime":381.06,"body":"caretaker and healer, and then"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":376.86,"endTime":381.06,"body":"they really end up deferring"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":381.06,"endTime":385.26,"body":"blame onto the kid for feeling"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":381.06,"endTime":385.26,"body":"hurt. Oh, I'm sorry that you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":385.26,"endTime":391.17,"body":"feel that I'm sorry that you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":385.26,"endTime":391.17,"body":"have chosen to feel that way or"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":391.17,"endTime":394.77,"body":"that you are having big"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":391.17,"endTime":394.77,"body":"feelings. And all the time"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":394.77,"endTime":397.08,"body":"they're just over there. Yum,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":394.77,"endTime":397.08,"body":"yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":397.11,"endTime":400.77,"body":"eating up all of this attention"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":397.11,"endTime":400.77,"body":"and eating up all of this"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":400.77,"endTime":406.17,"body":"emotional drama. We can help our"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":400.77,"endTime":406.17,"body":"kids we can help ourselves deal"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":406.17,"endTime":409.2,"body":"with these narcissistic parents,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":406.17,"endTime":409.2,"body":"we can help ourselves deal with"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":409.2,"endTime":416.13,"body":"a narcissistic ex. By getting"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":409.2,"endTime":416.13,"body":"into the clear definitions of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":416.13,"endTime":421.14,"body":"what apologies are and what they"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":416.13,"endTime":421.14,"body":"aren't. We can teach our kids to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":421.14,"endTime":425.04,"body":"clearly see the differences"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":421.14,"endTime":425.04,"body":"between real and fake apologies."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":425.04,"endTime":429.54,"body":"It's a great lesson for everyone"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":425.04,"endTime":429.54,"body":"to learn. by teaching our kids"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":429.54,"endTime":433.47,"body":"to be aware of what's real and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":429.54,"endTime":433.47,"body":"what's fake what's a genuine"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":433.47,"endTime":438.87,"body":"apology and what is a misleading"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":433.47,"endTime":438.87,"body":"or blaming apology. It helps"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":438.87,"endTime":443.1,"body":"them increase their critical"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":438.87,"endTime":443.1,"body":"awareness and down the road it"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":443.1,"endTime":447.33,"body":"will help them see the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":443.1,"endTime":447.33,"body":"narcissists games. And once"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":447.33,"endTime":450.3,"body":"people are able to see the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":447.33,"endTime":450.3,"body":"games, even kids once they can"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":450.3,"endTime":455.55,"body":"see the games being played, then"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":450.3,"endTime":455.55,"body":"they can learn how to disengage,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":455.67,"endTime":459.69,"body":"they can learn how to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":455.67,"endTime":459.69,"body":"depersonalize and that increases"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":459.69,"endTime":464.85,"body":"their chances of moving on to a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":459.69,"endTime":464.85,"body":"healthy freedom, a healthy life"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":464.85,"endTime":469.14,"body":"ahead of them that is going to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":464.85,"endTime":469.14,"body":"be free from the influences of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":469.14,"endTime":470.1,"body":"the narcissist."}]}