Seal Shavers, School Run Moans & Powered by Fairy Dust

Chris and Paul are back with another chaotic episode of the Post Pavilion Podcast. 

This week they chat about strange stage encounters (including a man claiming to be a seal shaver), school run moaners, and the return of the Chris vs Paul quiz which includes a special surprise. 

They also rant about their biggest pet peeves in What Gets On Your Tuts—from inside-out laundry to cars “powered by fairy dust.” 

Transcript

Paul 0:28

Oh, I thought we were doing Chris V. Paul. Oh, hang on.

Chris 0:31

I've completely messed this up, haven't I?

Paul 0:33

I think you've messed up here, haven't you?

Chris 0:35

Oh no. I haven't got a Chris Versus Paul. What was the Christmas? I'll cut that bit out.

Paul 0:40

Chris V. Paul. No, Chris V. Paul is we ask each other questions. I've wrote the questions. The jingle is for Chris V. Paul.

Chris 0:49

Oh. I'll cut this bit out. I'll cut this bit out. So what? Oh, that's terrible. Terrible.

Paul 1:01

No, the so the segment is Chris V. Paul, so we're asking each other questions. Chris or Paul is different.

Chris 1:08

Oh. Oh, I haven't done I haven't done anything then. I haven't prepped it. Welcome to the Post Pavilion Podcast. Two best mates and a couple of microphones and absolutely no plan. We chat about everyday life, how they became friends, things that amuse us for more than they probably should, and a fair amount of pointless guff. Listen back to the previous episodes to find out the true meaning of guff. This is the Post Pavilion Podcast.

Paul 1:36

Well done, you. Thanks. Thanks. That was your first time of reading out our new intro.

Chris 1:42

Did you like it?

Paul 1:43

Yay, sounded great.

Chris 1:45

Oh, thanks.

Paul 1:46

But you you you do radio, you've got a radio voice, so that sort of stuff. Just it flows better.

Chris 1:54

I like I said in the last episode, I am the Tony Blackburn of this partnership.

Paul 1:59

That you are, my friend. That you are. That you are. Anyway, we're back.

Chris 2:03

We're back. Episode four.

Paul 2:06

When do we yeah, episode four? When do we stop saying we're back?

Chris 2:11

Well, we're we well, I I think today is probably the last day. Because we are back, aren't we?

Paul 2:16

Properly. We are yeah, we're we I don't I think we need to stop saying we're back because we are back. Well, do you know what I mean?

Chris 2:22

Because I imagine people that are listening going through the last few episodes, it's like, oh yeah, we know we're back. You've turned you said the first episode, mate.

Paul 2:29

So yeah, so anyway, episode four of the post-pavilion podcast.

Chris 2:35

Yes, how excited. Do you know what? It's been the last few weeks been lovely since we bought this back. I spoke to loads of people that have gone, been listening to the pod. I was you know, I was going to the gym, I've been doing a bit of cleaning, I've been doing some driving, had the podcast on in the background, people enjoying it. Who knew?

Paul 2:53

Well, there you go.

Chris 2:55

Who knew? So thank you. Thank you for those people that have reached out. Um and new listeners from new listeners from all over the globe, not just people we know, which is quite exciting.

Paul 3:05

No, well, we could talk about the uh new places when we do the stats a little bit later on.

Chris 3:10

Yes, good idea.

Paul 3:11

But yeah, we've got some exciting news to talk about when it comes to the stats.

Chris 3:15

Big news on the stats. Was that needed?

Paul 3:20

Your energy is too much. It's too much.

Chris 3:22

And on the time recording, it's a Monday morning. Do you know what? Do you know why I've I've got so much energy? It's because it's official. We're in March and the sun's out. Do you know what? I am like I'm like a roaming solar panel. I I need the sun on my face, and I charge my batteries up and I feel good. I got out of bed this morning, I thought I've got to smash the day. Right, but are we still in is it are we still classed as winter? No, is it we're officially in the spring now, Paul. We are spring, it's getting light at seven o'clock in the morning, it's getting darker, uh, a little bit later. Yeah. Oh, it makes such a difference. I've been so it's like January and February have been so bleak. Now I'm feeling good. I feel like I can conquer the world.

Paul 4:08

I love I love your enthusiasm.

Chris 4:11

Bit much?

Paul 4:13

It's not well, no, you do you, boo.

Chris 4:16

Yeah, alright.

Paul 4:17

But for me, this is effort. Anyway, I had to set I had to set my alarm this morning. I've got a busy day today at the time of recording. I'm recording the podcast. Yeah. Then I've got to go get my hair cut.

Chris 4:30

Very busy day.

Paul 4:32

Very busy day. I got my eye test. Oh god, Spec Savers, got my eye test.

Chris 4:36

That'll be about a thousand pounds.

Paul 4:38

Yeah. Hey, guess I was in Speck Savers the other week. Was you? Did I not tell you who I bumped into? No. Everyone. Oh no. Oh.

Chris 4:47

We're not going to these things, are we?

Paul 4:49

Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Anyway, how has your week been good?

Chris 4:55

It's been good. Yeah, we're good. I was working over the weekend, uh, which was nice. Uh went out and uh done the Ravy Bingo show, which was fun. Some interesting characters on um on Saturday afternoon. Uh there was somebody who got up on stage, I think he was messing around. He'd gotta be joking. But I asked him what he did for a living, and he said he was a seal shaver. A what? A seal shaver. Shave seals. He shaved seals. We all know that seals don't have hair. But he was trying to be funny, and in all fairness, he absolutely smashed it. He made me look really stupid.

Paul 5:33

Sorry, no, wait a minute. I'll I've right, so you get people on stage to do random stuff. I get all that. Well, blah blah blah. But and then you ask him what they do for a living, and he could say, I'm a builder, plumber. Yeah, we had the receptionist, PA, whatever.

Chris 5:46

He said and he he said, I'm a seal shaver, and I went, Oh, right, that's a what? You you're all you're a seal shaver. How do you shave a seal? Well, this is the question I asked him. That was the number one question. I said, How do you shave a seal? He said, Well, just get the razor out of just shave them. He was like, I was like, but seals don't have hair, but they do have but he said they do have mustaches, so he trim he he basically trims their mustache.

Paul 6:08

So his job is to go swimming with seals and trim their tash.

Chris 6:12

Oh, I think he was having me on. What a job. He was I think he was having me on.

Paul 6:16

Part of me like to hope that that's actually true.

Chris 6:19

Right, hang on. I've got to try and you're not googling it now, are you? Uh is there a is there a job as a seal shaver? Uh is it true? Oh, based on the search results, there's no conventional recognised job titled seal shaver that involves growing.

Paul 6:41

He might work in a zoo or a conservation place.

Chris 6:45

I think he cleans them, like you scrub them. A seal scrubber. There's a job.

Paul 6:48

Yeah.

Chris 6:49

Uh there's a job called a seal scrubber.

Paul 6:51

I think he was having me on, if I'm honest. Yeah, he definitely was. Unless he does actually work in a zoo and stuff like that. Well, I didn't seal.

Chris 6:58

Well, didn't delve too much into the uh in into it because we only had a few few minutes on stage. But very, very odd show, very funny. Alright, yeah. So so we did that.

Paul 7:07

Um and then you came and then you came down here?

Chris 7:10

Yep, came to see you, popped in, had a came to see me to do your show. Do yeah, so uh popped in to see hello, and uh that was you had a brew, didn't we? And it was nice to be in person for for a because it's been ages, hasn't it?

Paul 7:23

Right, stop a minute. I just need to I just need to make I need to visualise, focalise what I'm seeing right now. What is it? And it's completely off topic, but we're obviously we're not a video podcast yet. We are gonna do it eventually. Are we? But we're obviously yeah, we'll do it eventually. But can you just hold your mug up onto the screen?

Chris 7:46

There you go.

Paul 7:46

Right? And I'm gonna hold mine up. Oh my goodness me. This is awkward. It's very so for those that we both got the same mug, basically.

Chris 7:56

We're both drinking out of the same mug. Is that a bit weird? No, it just means we know each other so well.

Paul 8:01

I like it. I like it. So anyway, so you've been gigging anything else happening in your week?

Chris 8:06

Uh no, not really. Uh pretty, pretty standard week. Uh we we had oh, I had to go to uh take my little boy to his gymnastics session, which was nice. So you sit with all the other parents, and some parents, I tell you what, love a good moan. They love a good moan. Doing school runs is fascinating. Because oh, why is the gates not open? Oh, why is you know, oh it's raining again. Yeah, it it I I have that conversation quite a lot. We always talk about the weather, and I'm like, I just it's the weather. Why I can't do much about that.

Paul 8:41

So Yeah, but don't you think as British people we like to moan about for the sake of moaning? We don't we moan to moan. We I don't don't get it wrong, I love a good moan, but my goodness me. Sometimes that's where I I'm not sure whether I consider myself quite fortunate or anything like that, but I don't have any kids. So I don't experience the school gates.

Chris 9:03

There's gonna be lots of people listening to this pod and can really relate. Now I don't I like talking to the people, I don't mind it actually, because it's of you know it's nice to get out and it's probably the only people I see generally all day. So it is nice to have a chat, but some of them just go, oh my goodness, why is this why is the school doing this? Why is this happening? Well, I don't I don't run the school. I it's are the kids happy, yes. Well, there you go. That's it, done. Don't worry about it, don't sweat the small stuff.

Paul 9:32

I don't think I could I don't think I could just sit there and just like not say anything like seriously, like I'd be I'd I I don't I don't consider my do you think wouldn't you say I'm sarcastic? I would say so, yeah.

Chris 9:47

Dry.

Paul 9:47

Oh right, okay. Dry sarcasm. Dry sarcasm. Do you think that my sort of humour would suit a school gate? Probably not. Probably not.

Chris 9:56

Do not think. No. I don't know, you might get on with the dads, maybe. I don't know.

Paul 10:01

Oh right, okay. But maybe with the mums, I think I'd be a bit like Do you think they'd look at me and go, he is a right so-and-so? I would say so.

Chris 10:08

They'll they'll you'll be in the WhatsApp group being spoken about. I I don't even I'm not even involved in the WhatsApp group. Do you know why? Too much happening.

Paul 10:16

There's too Is your wife involved in the WhatsApp group?

Chris 10:18

She is, and then she sends me the messages if it's anything important. Like they had a cake, they had a cake sale on Friday. Absolute carnage. Because as soon as they opened the doors, everybody, everybody went straight in to the hall. There was no there's no queuing system. Oh no.

Paul 10:35

Hang on, so did you have to bake a cake to take it to school? Well, I should have done. And I didn't. Did you buy one from Morrison's? I should have done. I didn't. Did you buy one from Morrison's and then take it out of the box and put it in a container so it looked like that you'd actually bake the cake?

Chris 10:52

I should have done. I didn't even do that. I literally turned up cakeless and I bought a cake. Get this. I bought a I bought a ring donut that was from Morrison's. And I know that because I bought them uh there before. So I spent a pound on a ring donut, which I could have bought in the supermarket, but anyway, it was absolute carnage. It's the thought that counts. It is the thought that counts, but you know, are people kicking off there? I mean, it's just cakes, guys. It's cakes, just slow down. There's a supermarket for it. People kick off for the sake of kicking off for anything. So it's interesting. I'd be intrigued if there's any other parents listening, what their school runs like and how that works. What's the protocol in the playground? What you know, what do you do? Do you get your head down, get drop the kids off, and get out, or do you sort of stay and have a chat?

Paul 11:35

Do you know what my mum and my my mum and dad used to do? They used to they wouldn't even get out of the car. Wouldn't they? No, kick me out. See you later.

Chris 11:43

To be fair, that was a bit like that for us when we were kids. Uh I mean when we've got to search.

Paul 11:47

None of this walking up to the gates getting like, you know, goodbye. Have a good day, my sweetness.

Chris 11:53

Some parents go straight into the classroom with their kids. I'm like, what are you doing? It's the classroom.

Paul 11:58

No. Get out. My dad, my mum and dad used to um, yeah, let generally just open the door and kick me out. See you later. Yeah. None of this waiting at the school gates. And I know we're at different times now. I know the the the world is a completely different place to it was 30 plus years ago when I was at school. That makes me sound really old.

Chris 12:19

Well, you are quite- I mean you're you're nearly hitting the big four-o-pole. That's you know, I am.

Paul 12:24

I'm good, I'm excited to be 40. But anyway, I know the world is a different place, and I get all that. But there's a story, right, that where there used to be a time when me and my sister were at the same school before I moved up to big school, and me and my sister used to play a game called Guess the Car.

Chris 12:42

Right.

Paul 12:44

Because we used to guess the car that was coming to pick us up from school.

Chris 12:47

What did you have a pool?

Paul 12:48

Because mum and dad No, well, well, yeah, Mum and Dad owned a business. Um, and sometimes when running a business, time gets away from you. So we used to get like random people coming to and that sounds proper weird, but it's not as weird as I'm saying it. But we used to get people that we know would come and pick us up from school. So we used to go, wonder what car's gonna pick us up today? Is it that car? Is it that car? Oh, is it that? And then once my mum got called into the school because school finished at quarter past three, we were still stood outside the gates at 10 to 5.

Chris 13:22

Oh no, you're one of those kids.

Paul 13:25

Someone have forgot to pick us up. So the following day my mum and my mum got called into school. My dad refused to go, I presume. But yeah, my mum got called into school and was like, Mrs. Mrs. G, we uh we we we can't uh condone this behaviour. You need to remember your kids.

Chris 13:42

I mean, you was that must have been awful because you just stood there with a teacher. What was that? I don't know. I just heard that. It was like a horn.

Paul 13:51

Sound like a trainer gone. Sound like a trainer gone past. I didn't know you lived near a railway station. I do live near a well a wellway. A well way a railway station. Yeah, but nobody nobody goes on that though, does it? Do they? Yours is like one of the uh it's quite popular in the summer months, put it like that. West Somerset Railway. Shout out to West Somerset Railway. You can't get on it.

Chris 14:12

You can't go to London on it, can you?

Paul 14:14

No, which is awkward because it makes life so much easier. Yeah, it's not a problem. Anyway, that's that's a different other story. Um anyway, while we're talking about school gates.

Chris 14:22

So school gates, yeah. No, I was just saying about how how mad my week's been. That's your week. That's my week. How's your week been? Oh, there you go. How's your week been?

Paul 14:32

Well, thank you.

Chris 14:33

What happened then? I did, I said, how's your week been?

Paul 14:35

And you went, my week my week has been wonderful. I've actually top I've actually managed to get 48 hours in my house. Oh, lovely. What have you done? What the highlights? Well, have I done the highlights? Yeah. I've done, listen, I've done nothing.

Chris 14:53

See, that's that's great content for this podcast, Paul.

Paul 14:56

Uh, literally, I've done nothing. Um, no, because I've been on tour February off term, I was on tour at the time of recording. We've only just finished it. Very busy. Um so I've been away for two weeks.

Chris 15:06

By the way, thanks for the uh the present that you gave my son. Uh you gave you gave him literally a six-foot polar bear that's got that's now got its own room in the house now. Because it's massive.

Paul 15:20

It wasn't directly from me, it was from the animal guys, but yeah, you I he picked up a little one and I went, I said, mate, why are you getting a little one? Get one of the big ones because that's what we do in the shop, Paul.

Chris 15:31

That's what we do in the shops.

Paul 15:32

Yeah, but he wasn't in the shop, was he? He was got he's he's come to see Uncle Paul, and Uncle Paul likes to spoil him. So we sorted it and he took a six-foot bowl a bit. Very true.

Chris 15:41

Well, but thanks.

Paul 15:42

Thanks for that. No problem, no problem. But yeah, so I've been on tour for two weeks, and then I've managed to come back home for 48 hours, so wash my pants, unpack, and then after this I'm packing again because I'm off again. You back again, going, back on the road, back on the road again. I did have a bit of a um something funny quite happened in the show. Have you ever been like have you ever completely zoned out on stage?

Chris 16:06

Lots of times, lots of times, thinking, oh, what shall I do tomorrow? What am I having for?

Paul 16:10

So we were doing a segment in the show where we talk about a panda, da da da, and then we have some lines to deliver, and then I I was waiting for somebody else to deliver their lines, and as I just completely zoned out, and they said the line, and then I just stared at him and he was like, Hello, are you delivering? I was like, Well, have you said your line? And he went, Yeah, and I was like, Oh.

Chris 16:33

Well, I've always said, What did you just say?

Paul 16:35

I because I have no idea what they've said. No, well, you can't even say that because it it's a line that flows into a line. Ah, I see. So, yeah, so I had a bit of a mental breakdown. Not a mental breakdown, but I'd like to be fog.

Chris 16:48

That would have been a really terrible show if you just had a breakdown in the middle of the stage going, I just can't do this anymore.

Paul 16:53

Uh yeah, no, it just was it was quite funny, but it was at that most important point that the whole the whole kind of thing was leading up to this one line that I needed to say, and I didn't say it.

Chris 17:08

And out of context, you've probably done that show, what, a million times? Deliver those same lines every day.

Paul 17:14

Yeah, we're in the we're in the 600s, put it like that.

Chris 17:17

Everybody has an off day.

Paul 17:20

Yeah, I know, but it was still quite awkward. But anyway, yeah, so that's been my week. I've just toured, I've come home, I've got a sore throat still, I'm still struggling. Got to look after that voice, hey ho. Got to look after that voice.

Chris 17:31

I know, honey and lemon. Get a strepsal.

Paul 17:33

And also, we said in a previous episode when I wasn't feeling well, I think it was episode two where we said about honey, lemon, and fizzy lemonade. Weird. I've looked into it, it is a thing.

Chris 17:46

Yeah, but nobody drinks that, do they? No drinks.

Paul 17:48

Yeah, we're just saying. My auntie said it the other day and I went, huh?

Chris 17:52

So it is a thing then. Well they well, it's something I'm not gonna have. I'll put it that way.

Paul 17:57

Oh well, you will when you need it. Anyway, what we're moving on to. You're in control of this.

Chris 18:02

Uh yeah, well, you we were s well, we've got something something to celebrate because this podcast has been going off and on for the last five, six years. We're in year number six. Because everybody in lockdown decides to do a podcast. We were one of them. Um, and then we had a break, and then we came back, and then we had another break, and now we've come back. But we are on this is episode episode 26.

Paul 18:28

So our last episode, uh, Tesla's a DJ having a meltdown or whatever you called it, uh Stonehenge, that was the one. Yeah, um, that was our 25th episode. We've done 25 episodes, we didn't even mention it.

Chris 18:41

Yeah, we didn't, but we're doing it now. So so that's been good. Um, any other stats?

Paul 18:47

Well, did you know that? Yeah, we've hit 25 episodes, which is amazing for the post-frillium podcast. We are only 30 downloads away from 4,000 downloads overall. That's incredible. That's cool, isn't it?

Chris 19:01

To be fair, just me and you chatting. I'll take that. We're not doing it for the numbers, we're doing it because we enjoy it.

Paul 19:07

Of course we're not, but it's nice to pat yourselves on the back a little bit. Yeah, so we we are literally uh well done. Um but yeah, we are we are just under 3,700. No, 3,970 downloads, and we just need about 30 more, and we've hit 4,000.

Chris 19:27

Quick maths and pull there.

Paul 19:33

I can't function in the mornings.

Chris 19:34

I saw you with your calculator. What is 4,000? Takeaway.

Paul 19:40

Yeah, I did it. So we've had some new places.

Chris 19:43

Oh, go on, give us some places. Where are we big?

Paul 19:46

Hang on, hang on. Uh Epis and locations. New locations in the past two weeks. Are you ready for this? Go on. Stratford upon Avon, Warwickshire. Beautiful part of the country, that beautiful part of the world. Uh Sheffield. Lovely planning. New location in Sheffield. Lovely. Uh New Moulden, Kingston upon Thames. I don't know where that is. No idea.

Chris 20:12

No idea where that is.

Paul 20:14

But then, mate, someone's listened to us from San Francisco, California. Who is this person? Who is WTF? Get in touch. We if you if you are the listener that's listened from San Francisco, California, please send us a message. Or do you think I want to know who you are?

Chris 20:35

Or do you think they've just scrolled through some podcasts that I'll check these guys out and then listen to like you know 20 seconds and then went, ah, it's not for me.

Paul 20:42

Well, it doesn't actually uh it doesn't actually uh record as a full episode if you don't listen to it all the way through.

Chris 20:50

Oh, okay.

Paul 20:50

Did you know that?

Chris 20:51

Didn't know that.

Paul 20:53

No, but yeah, so those are that new those are our new locations in the past two weeks.

Chris 20:58

How cool is that? And thank you. Thank you for everybody that has been listening so far because it's been it's been great to hear your feedback. So um some good, some some like constructive.

Paul 21:09

I'll give you I'll shall I tell you the review of what my dad said to me about episode one. Go on. Do you know when you go, we don't do this for money, we just do this because we want to do this. This is nice. And my dad ran me and went, I've listened to the first episode. I was like, alright, yeah, how was it? He went, not gonna lie, bit boring. Didn't seem very structured. I was like, Well, I know, it was our first one back. He was like, Well, I'm just saying you've lost me. I was like, What do you mean I've lost him? You've lost him forever. You've lost me as a listener. Apparently, he's not listening anymore.

Chris 21:37

Well, we'll I've just have to give him the highlights.

Paul 21:40

Sod him.

Chris 21:41

Yeah, yeah. We'll we'll have we'll have people that want to listen to us. Yeah, we don't mind that. Just I know I am I am scared of him. I'm really scared of you. I'm scared of him. Uh so yes, that's been good. Um, also, also, it's probably a good time to do our we're bringing back a little segment we used to do. Yes, new podcast coming and big news. You know, we've been asking for jingles. Oh, yeah, we've got a jingle.

Paul 22:11

Have we actually got a jingle?

Chris 22:12

Yeah, listener Emma has got in touch and she says, uh, because we know we were asking for Chris versus Paul jingle.

Paul 22:20

Well, we were asking for Chris vs. Paul, yeah, uh Statman jingles, yeah, and there was another one as well. What gets on your tutz?

Chris 22:27

And what gets on your tuts? Yeah. So Emma's got in touch and she sent us a jingle to have listened to it. Are you gonna play it now? I'm gonna play it now. This is greatest.

Paul 23:05

Hey, do you enjoy that? Hey, that was good. I like it. I enjoyed that too. I think we need to explain while we're laughing. Are we just we just no?

Chris 23:17

Are we talking about that or do we just pull back the curtain a little bit?

Paul 23:20

Yeah. So what happened then was he's gonna have a listen to it, we're gonna listen to it right now. I generally thought you were gonna play it so I can hear it in my headphones, and you didn't, and we just ended up staring at each other awkwardly on FaceTime. So I take it that's that's the bit, that's the space that you're gonna put the jingle in.

Chris 23:39

Absolutely. So people listen to the pod have listened to it, and we've just reacted to go, hey, how cool's that? So there we go, Chris versus Paul.

Paul 23:46

So Right, I feel like we need to do it again properly.

Chris 23:49

Okay.

Paul 23:50

Alright, so keep that bit in, and then right, so do that bit again, and then now we'll go, wow, that was amazing. Ready? Go, go.

Chris 23:57

It's time to play Chris versus Paul.

Intro to Chris vs Paul 24:04

Chris Paul.

Paul 24:28

That was amazing. I love that.

Chris 24:30

So cool. I think it felt more awkward the second time around if I'm honest.

Paul 24:33

Yeah, did you did you? Right then, so here we go. We haven't done this for absolutely ages, but yes, Chris Free Paul's really simple. What we actually do is just ask each other questions, and basically the winner is one that gets the most questions right. Chris Free Paul. Simple.

Chris 24:49

Okay, who's going first? You go first?

Paul 24:52

Uh you can go first if you like.

Chris 24:54

Alright, then I'll go first. So, okay, you can all play along at home. Uh question number one. How much? This is quite relatable from the last episode. How much is Tesla worth?

Paul 25:07

No way. Are we doing we're doing it to the nearest billion or what?

Chris 25:10

Uh do it to the nearest trillion.

Paul 25:14

Nearest trillion? Nearest trillion. He's looted. I would say it is worth 4.4 trillion.

Chris 25:22

Nay, you're way off. You are way off. Alright. It is it? 1.26 trillion. We're not actually that far off, to be fair. 1.6 trillion. That's meant. That's just that's just him and Tesla. That's a lot of. Wow. So there you go.

Paul 25:38

So that is that's so that's oh my god, that's shit. That's like over a billion. Quick mouths. So over a oh my It's a lot of it. How is that even money? No idea.

Chris 25:52

I'm there's me.

Paul 25:54

In a in about 20 minutes time when I'm looking around the house, I need to go and find try and find a one pound coin, because I need to go and get my hair cut. I don't think he has And it's £21 to get me haircut. And I keep breaking into notes. £21 quid.

Chris 26:06

£21 quid for a haircut.

Paul 26:07

Yeah, well, what do you pay?

Chris 26:09

I pay £15 quid.

Paul 26:11

Yeah, but I have my beard done as well. You can't grow a beard. Very good point. I can't grow a beard. Yeah, so yeah, so I have my beard done as well. So anyway. Right, there you go. So no points to me. No points to you. Me, my turn.

Chris 26:22

Okay, go on then.

Paul 26:24

Uh as you're a big man United fan. Correct. Who wore the number seven shirt after Ronaldo left United in 2009?

Chris 26:36

That's a good one. That is a good question.

Paul 26:38

Who wore it?

Chris 26:39

Who wore it? Oh my goodness me.

Paul 26:44

Uh I can give you some options. Give me a clue.

Chris 26:48

Give me a clue.

Paul 26:49

You want a clue or do you want more choice? Multiple choice, please. Um Mason Mount.

Chris 26:57

Yeah.

Paul 26:59

Michael Owen.

Chris 27:01

Yeah.

Paul 27:06

It's definitely not this one, because I can't think of a player. Oh. Or David Beckham.

Chris 27:10

Okay, no, it's definitely not David Beckham. Is it Michael Owen?

Paul 27:13

It is Michael Owen. Well done.

Chris 27:16

Because obviously Ronaldo started and then Michael Owen joined and then Ronaldo came back. Oh there you go.

Paul 27:20

There you go. There you go. So 1-0 to you.

Chris 27:23

Well done. Right, next one. Okay, again, relatable for the last episode. Question two. When was Stonehenge built?

Paul 27:31

Oh, shut up. This is ridiculous.

Chris 27:34

I'll give you a clue. It's before Christ.

Paul 27:38

What do you mean before Christ?

Chris 27:40

Before he was born. So how am I supposed to know that? Well, I'll give you some clues. Is it is it uh 1100 BC, 2100 BC, or 3100 BC? Dig dunk dick dunk dick dog. Think about it.

Paul 28:03

Uh 1500 BC.

Chris 28:05

That wasn't an option. I said that wasn't even an option.

Paul 28:11

What I zoned out. I zoned out again. This is real life. What happens when you're in the middle of the phone? What are the options? Sorry, give me the options again. Give me the options again.

Chris 28:25

The options are what 1100, B2100, or C three thousand one hundred.

Paul 28:37

No, say three thousand one hundred BC.

Chris 28:40

Say three thousand one hundred BC. That's the correct answer. Well done.

Paul 28:43

Yeah. Get in. You zoned out. Definitely zoned out. Yeah, I zoned out again. Okay. You think there might be something wrong with me if I keep zoning out? Is he going to go see a doctor? I think so.

Chris 28:55

Yeah, you buffer.

Paul 28:57

A buffer. Yeah.

Chris 28:59

Your bandwidth's not great. Go on then.

Paul 29:00

Um here we go. Uh there's no multiple choice on this. Oh, go on then. Who sang the well-known song Together Will Be OK?

Chris 29:11

Together Will Be OK?

Paul 29:13

Yeah.

Chris 29:14

I've never heard of it. How does it go?

Paul 29:18

Laugh me yeah, laugh. I don't know. I know it. We can win. Dance me a dance. Junk me a junk. I'll blow the clouds away. Callan and Ball. Cannon and ball. Yes, well done.

Chris 29:33

I could see their faces, I just couldn't remember the name.

Paul 29:35

Callan and Ball. Do you know why? Because um obviously Bobby Bobby died. Yeah. Um, so uh yeah, so we but the other one is still going, and he's all over my TikTok and Tommy. Just singing it, yeah. Tommy Cannon. Yeah. Tommy Ball, Tommy Cannon. Tommy Ball.

Chris 29:50

Tommy Cannon.

Paul 29:52

Tommy Cannon, yeah. And Bobby Ball.

Chris 29:53

Yeah.

Paul 29:54

So yeah, technically you've you've technically won because you've got two right, I haven't got eight. Oh no, did I get that one right?

Chris 30:00

You've got one right, so it's it's it's it's two-one. Kate, you've got to get this one to draw. Uh Kate, uh, according to the Ugov poll, you know me, I love a UGov poll.

Paul 30:11

You are so middle class, this is unreal. So your three questions were about Stonehenge. Yeah. What was the first one about? Tesla. Tesla? And now you're talking about polls. Yeah.

Chris 30:24

So, question number three. I can't cope with this. The most popular British dish. Uh, here we go. What? Of Q4 of 2025.

Paul 30:33

Uh Q4, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Chris 30:35

What was I'll give you a clue, it's actually a meat was at number one. 88% of adults found this particular meat very popular. What is it?

Paul 30:50

Sausage.

Chris 30:51

No. No, no, but actually, I'll tell you, sausage. Steak. Bangers and mash came in at number four. Steak. Nope, not steak, but beef came in at number eight. I think what other meats are there?

Paul 31:06

I'm just going through meats here. Chicken.

Chris 31:08

Yes! Roast chicken!

Paul 31:10

Yes. Do I get a point for that? I'll give you that. No, thanks.

Chris 31:13

Roast chicken came at number one, chips came at number two, and number three was the English breakfast. That gone that used to be at number one, gone down, gone down. So there you go. Not many people know that.

Paul 31:24

Oh god, literal, like you you just goo anyway. So, right, your question. Um so this is quite kind of topical. At the time of recording, two nights ago was the Brit Awards 2026. Did you watch it? I did, I watched all of it.

Chris 31:41

Oh, I see. I didn't watch any of it. Not interested. Did you not? Uh not interested.

Paul 31:46

Yeah, I did. Well, you need to know because um I'm gonna ask you a Brit Awards 2026 related question.

Chris 31:52

Go on then.

Paul 31:54

Who won the outstanding contribution to music awards at the Brits 2026?

Chris 32:01

Oh do I get any more choice? Get any clues?

Paul 32:05

Uh not really, no. I could tell you some artists that he has worked with. Go on. Uh Lady Gargar. Yeah. Amy Winehouse. Bruno Mars.

Chris 32:20

I know got the answer. I've got it. Who? Is it Mark Ronson? You are absolutely correct. I've got it right.

Paul 32:27

There you are. So this week you are the winner of Chris Report. Well done, you.

Chris 32:32

Thank you very much. Thank you very much.

Paul 32:34

Enter a swoosh in. Whoosh.

Chris 32:38

Right now it's time to the part of the podcast which we all love, actually. Is what gets on your toots. And we haven't got a jingle for that yet. No jingle. No jingle yet, mate.

Paul 32:48

No jingle, but I reckon we'll have one by the time we do the next episode.

Chris 32:52

And if you'd like to create a jingle, then please send it in to the app, the post-pavilion podcast. Yes. So, first one, do you want to fire away?

Paul 33:03

Uh are we going off the notes? Yes. Um, this is kind of relatable to me and you. So you annoyed me. Not you personally annoyed me, but we we we talk every single day, we pretty much FaceTime every day. And there was a day that you were at home pottering, and you were uh at the top of your stairs, you put the phone down, and you were folding washing.

Chris 33:26

Correct. Wash right, yeah. Nothing wrong with that.

Paul 33:29

And there's nothing and people that know me proper know me will know that I'm really particular when it comes to washing and how I hang my clothes, w how my t-shirts are, how they're folded, put in but everything that you were folding, um, everything you were folding was inside out.

Chris 33:53

Yeah, because it it came out inside out from the washing machine.

Paul 33:56

No, no, so I don't get people that just take off their clothes, put them in the laundry basket, and then when they put them in the washing machine, there's some socks inside out, there's some socks the normal way, there's t-shirts the right way, there's t-shirts the wrong way, there's like a pair of jeans with one leg in and one leg out. I don't get that. What really gets on my nerves is like it was I'm not sure if I have what's it called where everything's got to be a certain way.

Chris 34:25

OCD.

Paul 34:26

Right, I'm not sure I've got if I've not got an element of that. Oh, you definitely have. But you were it was probably hands down the most stressful FaceTime I have ever had with you. Because you were just folded like everything you were picking up, you were putting your arms in and putting it the right way. Just put it in the washing machine the right way.

Chris 34:46

But it did go with the washing machine the right way, it just came out the wrong way. So I was just saying.

Paul 34:50

Right, you're not telling me that your posh, your posh washing machine puts everything in one way, and guess what? Every single item comes back out.

Chris 34:59

Honestly, that that's what a washing machine is. You're lying. I'm not lying.

Paul 35:02

You're lying.

Chris 35:02

You might have to be lying.

Paul 35:03

You are lying. To be fair, you are lying.

Chris 35:05

Right, in my defence, it goes into the washing machine, it then does its thing for a few hours, and then it gets put into the dryer. So in the meantime, it might have it might have unfolded it, folded it inside out itself while it was in both machines at some point.

Paul 35:18

Right, just so you know, that's not a thing. It is because I always put my clothes, my clothes always go in the right way. Yeah, mine go in the right way. Sometimes no, they don't. Not the amount of clothes that you were pulling, like you were literally just folding, you know, yeah your son's pants, and it was like, why are they not the right way? Then you pulled a t-shirt wrong way. Then you pulled one of one of your your wife's um blouses or something the wrong way. Then you were doing I don't even know what a blouse is, and then it was socks the wrong way, then it was pants the wrong way, t-shirts the wrong way.

Chris 35:54

It didn't stress me out that.

Paul 35:56

Oh, it really does my heading.

Chris 35:59

Let me guess, you're the type of person that irons clothes.

Paul 36:03

No, I don't iron clothes. Actually, no, I don't I don't iron as often as I would like, because I don't have the time. Here's the thing I am that person that will put everything in the washing machine the right way. Then you pull it out, then I can put it on hangers, I can I can hang it over the air, then pull a fold straight in the cupboard. Not spending 20 minutes putting stuff inside out and getting really angry.

Chris 36:27

Look, granted, you're speaking a lot of sense, but I can't help it what the washing machine, the dryer does in the meantime between putting those washes on. I just I can't control, I can't get into the.

Paul 36:35

Stop saying it's a washing machine.

Chris 36:36

It is the washing machine.

Paul 36:37

It's not the washing machine, it's not a thing. I'm gonna prove you this prove this series, right? No, it's not a thing.

Chris 36:43

I'm gonna record really, it really winds me up. Well, I'm gonna send you a video of me putting my stuff in the washing machine, all in the correct way, and then we'll see what happens.

Paul 36:53

See, I get really funny when I do my washing at home. So if my if my if my partner's here and she comes to visit, and we've got a few days together, and she I go, right, I just need to do some washing. Do you want to have you got anything to go in? And I go, Yeah. She goes, Yeah, I'll put it in. And I put it in. What annoys me is when she takes it out and then she puts it on the error, and it's all wrong. It goes like jeans are at the top of the error, then it's t-shirts and hoodies, then it's pants and socks at the bottom. But if it's sometimes when I come in and it's like the socks are at the top, why are the socks at the top? I'm your worst nightmare, because I I'd probably just put out whatever. Really gets on my nerves.

Chris 37:28

Do you know I learned something?

Paul 37:29

Let us know in the comments below or send us a message on the socials on who you're siding with on we'll call it washing gate. I who you're siding with.

Chris 37:39

I learned something from you the other day. Um, you when you're getting ready backstage and you take off your normal clothes to put your show clothes on, you fold your normal clothes up and put it nice and folded, whereas I just chuck it on at the back of a chair.

Paul 37:57

No, no, yeah, exactly. And that really winds me off as well. I try I try and a tidy, a tidy area is a tidy mine. So when I take my t-shirt, I'll fold it back of the chair, take my jeans off or my joggers, fold it back of the chair, socks, fold them inside out, so there you go. They're not just people that like just throw stuff on the floor or just it's like, what are you doing?

Chris 38:19

I don't throw it on the floor, I just put it over my chair because I'll probably have to get something out of my pocket. If I fold it, I've then got to do it.

Paul 38:24

Yeah, yeah, but then but let's say you're wearing a hoodie, let's say you're wearing a hoodie or something, and you take the hoodie off and you've got one arm in and one arm out. Yeah, when you finish the one thing you want to do when you get off stage or finish work is just go home as quickly as possible. Correct. But you're not, are you? Because literally you get there and you put your hoodie on, then you put your head through it, and then you realise that one arm is in and one arm is out, then you've got to faff about. No, stop, just take ten seconds, fold it, put it nicely on the back of your chair, then you know you can just literally get chase, t-shirt, joggers, hoodie, go.

Chris 38:55

But my washing machine.

Paul 38:57

Sorry, I felt myself. It doesn't make it go inside out, Chris. It does my head in.

Chris 39:03

Alright then.

Paul 39:04

Well Yeah, the only exception I do have is jeans. What sometimes you put jeans in inside out because it keeps the colour of the jeans.

Chris 39:12

That is that's a good tip for those jeans clean. Those jean cleaning.

Paul 39:16

My mum taught me that.

Chris 39:18

Well, I've got one.

Paul 39:19

So there you go. Watch it inside out, what's yours?

Chris 39:21

Do you know what mine's really annoying? Is when you have to scan your phone at the till because there's a there's a QR code. So classic example, if you go to Lidl, they've got the little app. It's a QR, it's like a barcode, you have to scan on their machine. And I can't get the thing to scan. I'm doing I'm turning, I'm turning the phone up, down, left, right, upside down. The the person at the till is having a go at me because they're like, just move it back, move it forward. I'm like, mate, I can't see it. It's it's it's not in my eye line, mate. Anyway, that annoys me, and especially also when you go and do these um, you know, these parcel drops. You know, you've got to send it. So you've got to send a parcel, and it's like, oh, please scan the QR code below. And you're like, okay, I've got it, and now I'm tilting my phone and it's not working, and I and I'm bending over, trying to look to see where the light is. I I'm I'm sort of doing the if I got it in the right place because I've got nobody to tell me how it's going, because I've just got to wait for the beep and for the door to smack me in the face because you don't know which door is gonna open.

Paul 40:25

Oh, you're talking about like an Amazon locker or an impost type thing.

Chris 40:29

Oh my god, but it's I've I've got you know I've wiped the screen, I've put the brightness up, the thing won't scan. Matt Thomas just walked out of there going, Do you know what? It's easy if I just go to the post office and somebody can just put a stamp on it. Trying to make our life easier. It's actually.

Paul 40:44

Yeah, I find that in uh if I go to Costa, um, yeah, with the guy, have you got your clip card? You've got a Costa card. You're like, yeah, yeah, but then you go, but then they do that silly thing where they like they put their hand in front of the scanner.

Chris 40:58

Yeah, put the hand in, yeah.

Paul 40:59

What's that do? No idea. It works. But yeah, that yeah, I get that completely. I was at an in-post, I sent something at an in post and the QR code wouldn't scan. But that's where they gave me a little code. So then I just enter the code and bosh, I was away.

Chris 41:14

See, that's easier. Yeah, just give us a code I can type in. That's easy. So there you go.

Paul 41:21

Uh got some more.

Chris 41:24

We've got some more.

Paul 41:24

I've got one.

Chris 41:25

Go on.

Paul 41:27

No, good. You go then. What have you got?

Chris 41:29

Well uh uh when someone asks you a question and then someone else in the room answers it like they were asked a question, but they weren't.

Paul 41:39

Was that one of ours or has somebody got in touch with it?

Chris 41:41

I think somebody's got in touch with that one.

Paul 41:44

So Oh no, that's um, yeah, that is uh that's Lee, who I work with. He told me about that in the dressing room. So what does he mean? So yeah, you'd be having a c let's say me and you, me and you were having a conversation, and I go, um, let's say we're meeting up tonight at seven.

Chris 41:59

Yeah.

Paul 42:00

And then I say to you, Oh um, what time are we meeting tonight? But then let's say somebody else in the room. Your partner's in the room. Someone else is in the room, they go, You're meeting at seven. And I go, I wasn't talking to you.

Chris 42:11

Who are you? My PA.

Paul 42:13

Well, yeah, it's people getting involved in conversations that don't need to be. I've aimed I've aimed a question at you and I expect you to answer it.

Chris 42:22

Yeah, yeah, I just I can see that why why that rolls some people out.

Paul 42:26

Or if you're having a moan about something and you go in, let's say we're moaning about the weather. So I'm talking to you about the weather, and then someone goes, Yeah, I know in it, it's been horrible.

Chris 42:34

Classic school run banter.

Paul 42:36

Screw it's like, why are you getting involved in the conversation? The conversation between the two of us.

Chris 42:41

But I guess if there's a room full of people, they want to feel involved, so they're trying to get in and going, Oh yeah, I get it, but I suppose you've got to read the room, haven't you?

Paul 42:50

You have got to read the room. My next one is gonna be quite controversial. I'm all ears. And uh do you based on because you're what you're reading the same thing as me, do you think it's the one I th that you think I'm gonna talk about? I think so. Why do people from Cornwall feel the need to put a Cornish flag sticker on the car? Is there such a thing? Yeah, uh right. I might be I might be wrong, but I I I think I'm right. Um but I was following a car the other day that was doing 30 in a 50. There's number one that was annoying me. But they had the uh the black sticker with the white cross on it, which is the Cornish flag, I believe. Why do people put stickers on their cars?

Chris 43:39

Well, it's just to say, look, I'm from Cornwall, I'm from the world.

Paul 43:41

Well, look, I I'm from Cornwall, right?

Chris 43:43

Yeah, I don't mind that.

Paul 43:46

There's not a Birmingham flag, is there?

Chris 43:48

No.

Paul 43:49

But Right? There's not a lot one for mine, where I live.

Chris 43:53

Yeah, but nobody is.

Paul 43:55

It really annoys me when people are I'm from Cornwall. So I'm gonna put a sticker on my car.

Chris 44:01

For what reason? You've insulted lots of people at Cornwall.

Paul 44:03

Right, I don't I'm not my intent is not to my intent is not to upset, and I don't mean any malice by it. Maybe it was just a car going 30 and a fifty that was winding me up. And then you go, Of course they're from Cornwall.

Chris 44:16

What are your thoughts?

Paul 44:16

They've got a corny sticker on their car.

Chris 44:18

What are your thoughts on people that put flags in their car? You know, sometimes you have them in the window and they've they're flapping, you know, especially if it's like the World Cup or the or you know, England are playing and they've got flags on the other.

Paul 44:28

Down for that. No. What you're achieving, nothing.

Chris 44:31

What about flags in gardens?

Paul 44:35

Yeah, but that you could go down a different route. Yeah. If you start talking about that.

Chris 44:39

There's a few people with a different idea. They've got flags, flag poles in their garden.

Paul 44:42

Right, and I get that. And it's good to be I I'm all for being patriotic if you're you're you're you're being English or you're from the United Kingdom. But I just don't get. I was following this car and there was just a Cornish flag on the bumper, and I was like, why? What about other stickers in cars? No stickers on cars. You didn't spend 20 grand on a car to put epoxy 55p sticker on the back of the car.

Chris 45:11

Don't come rocket.

Paul 45:13

You know the other one that annoys me. On certain cars, you get one that powered by fairy dust.

Chris 45:19

Oh yeah. I have to say I am. Shut up.

Paul 45:22

It's unleaded, or it's diesel, or it's electric, or it's a hybrid. Powered by fairy dust. Shut up.

Chris 45:29

Take your sticker off.

Paul 45:31

Shut up.

Chris 45:33

Back in back in the 90s, the stickers were all the rage. Like on the boy racer cars, they used to put like a black strip on the front of the window screen. And amount of times people would the police would pull them over and go, sorry mate, that's illegal.

Paul 45:47

Yeah, but it's like people that put go faster stripes on the front of their car.

Chris 45:50

Yeah. It doesn't make you go faster. No, it doesn't. It makes it make you look like an idiot.

Paul 45:56

You're absolutely right. It's true though, isn't it? We we you we save up your money to to buy a nice car or you need a car. Why do people feel the need to put stupid stickers all over their car? And this is a director at anybody from Cornwall or the Cornish sticker, maybe. I I may have come across like I hate Cornish people, but I don't. My parents live there. I've got good friends that live in Cornwall. I get that.

Chris 46:21

It was just Is it just is it just stickers on cars in general?

Paul 46:25

You don't yeah, maybe, maybe it's stickers, but it was just I was following this car in in a 50, doing 30, and I know I was doing 30 because I had to put the cruise control on. Oh the big cruise control. Oh yeah. Right? Yeah, yeah. Then there was a sticker on the bottom left bumper of the car, and it was it was the corner sticker. It's like what are you doing?

Chris 46:47

Yeah, I don't I've never really do you know what? Next time I go out for a drive, that I'm gonna really look out for stickers now.

Paul 46:52

And I'm just but you live in you live down south as well, you live on the south coast. It's not as if your village or town or whatever have their own sticker, no, their own flag.

Chris 47:01

But there's people that put stickers on their cars, I don't really mind it.

Paul 47:05

I know for a fact that we are gonna get some hate mail from people that live in Cornwall, and just I don't know, I'm cool with that.

Chris 47:11

Direct that's direct that for attention of Paul, not me.

Paul 47:14

I put Paul on it, but I just don't get there's being proud, and there's being I'm proud to be British, fine. Alright, Nigel Farage. I know, but I'm not gonna say, but why put a sticker?

Chris 47:28

Like, what's the point? Well, look, I don't I think there's gonna be some people here going, I've got stickers on my car. And now you're gonna now those people can think I'll better take them off now.

Paul 47:40

Good, take them off. Especially people that say powered by fairy dust. What?

Chris 47:46

Well, there you go. That I think I just don't get it. Well, I think that is a nice way to finish this.

Paul 47:52

Powered by powered by Nesco Coffee.

Chris 47:56

Nesco?

Paul 47:58

I don't know, I couldn't think of a coffee.

Chris 48:00

You're thinking of Nescafe.

Paul 48:03

That's the one. Do you get my point though? Do you not look at a nice car and then you see loads of stickers on it and go, you ruined it.

Chris 48:09

I don't mind it. If it's if it's sticker, do you know what the the one sticker that annoys me is the GB sticker? You think, oh what you need that when you go away to France, don't you? You think why? What's the point?

Paul 48:21

Oh no, because that's legal. Yeah, but I know but that's part of your that's part of your the process of you actually getting if you it's like if I'm gonna go to France, I will you have to have the GB sticker and a first aid kit and a high viz. And a high viz, and you have to have a triangle. I get all that. Do you know what I'll get at the back of my boot?

Chris 48:40

What? Jump leads. That's the most important thing. I don't even have any jump leads. Well, when you drive my old car, you'd eat them. Uh so there we go. So there we go. That is a good feature of what gets on your tuts this week. Uh, if you've got any, if you agree with Paul, if you don't agree with Paul, then then let us know. Let us know some of your tuts. What really grinds your gears. Let us know what's happened this week, and then we'll get them on the on the pod of the next episode.

Paul 49:03

Nice. I'm still angry about powered by fairy dust.

Chris 49:07

Well, you know what? I'm getting you for Christmas.

Paul 49:10

Don't you dare.

Chris 49:11

Nice little stick of the car. Oh, don't do that.

Paul 49:14

Uh anyway, are we off?

Chris 49:17

We're off now. Yeah, well, have a great week. And thanks for listening. And get your messages in. Uh, if you want some shout-outs, uh be aware you're listening, what gets on your tutz, and any jingles for what gets on your tutz, that'll be greatly appreciated as well.

Paul 49:31

Nice. Thank you for listening to the Postfeeder Podcast. We'll be back in two weeks. Ta ta!

Chris 49:37

You can have yourself a lie down over those stickers.

Paul 49:40

It does me a din.

Chris 49:41

I'm talking about this when we finish. Bye bye.