The Post Pavilion Podcast

Cruise Ships, Celebrity Phone Numbers & Sharing Food Rage

Chris Morley & Paul Gilbert Season 4 Episode 6

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Chris and Paul chat about cruise-ship gigs in Norway, how they met as Redcoats at Butlin’s nearly two decades ago, and why sharing food in restaurants should probably be illegal. 

There’s talk of celebrity contacts, ridiculous first email addresses, cinema etiquette, and a hotel complaint that’s turned into an email war. 

Also featuring listener shout-outs and the return of everyone’s favourite segment: Tuts of the Week.

Thanks for listening and do not forget to like, subscribe and share with your mates. You can get in touch with your questions, shoutouts, TUTS of the week, or if you have a complaint (although we might bypass those) to postpavilionpodcast@gmail.com or check us out on Facebook and Instagram @postpavilionpodcast for all your pod updates 


Paul

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Chris

Welcome to the Post Pavilion Podcast. Two best mates and a couple of microphones and absolutely no plan. We chat about everyday life, how they became friends, things that amuse us for more than they probably should, and a fair amount of pointless guff. Listen back to the previous episodes to find out the true meaning of guff. This is the Post Pavilion Podcast.

Paul

Welcome back to the Post Pavilion Podcast with me, Paul Gilbert. And me, Chris Morley. Lovely. We're back. We're back. Debbie stop saying I can't help it. Right, anyway. Well, we're not even back. I'm still here. You're still in my house. So if you listen to the last episode, I've travelled, because I'm on the road, to uh Chris's house to record some episodes. And today, we've had to record two episodes. Back to back. Back to back. Because there is a reason. Yes.

Chris

Because of holidays. But actually not.

Paul

Not really holidays, is it?

Chris

I'm not going on holiday, am I? I am going to work, but I'm going away for work. You are.

Paul

You've got a new job, haven't you? I'm going on the road, Paul. Not really going on the road. Explain to them. Let's let's celebrate the fact that you've got a new gig coming. I've got a new gig.

Chris

And you've got a new job. Very, very exciting. I'm going at the time of when this episode goes out, I'll be on a cruise ship. Yes. Going around Norway. Nice. With with the company you work for.

Paul

What? You're now an animal guy? I'm an animal guy. So Paul is an animal guy. Yeah. Chris is an animal guy. Yeah. You've come to the dark side. I've come to the good side. Well, the good side, yeah. But the the dark side is the same.

Chris

I was an animal guy last year.

Paul

You were.

Chris

Uh, but now I'm an I'm another well, I'm an animal guy again this year. You are indeed. But the good thing is, is that we're gonna be working together as well.

Paul

We're so let's let's reel it in a little bit. So we've had to record two back-to-back sessions because you are going on a cruise ship.

Chris

Yes.

Paul

And you are going to perform the animal guy shows on a cruise ship.

Chris

Yes.

Paul

With free buffet. And a gym. Norway.

Chris

And entertainment. And the gym. And the gym. And we're going to see some lovely places. Nice. And then where are you going on the road?

Paul

The M5, the M6, the M42, the A46, the A27, the M27, a service station, a lay-by on the way to Lincoln that we always stop for a Wii Wee, Skegness, Bogner, uh, Minehead, uh a few more service stations.

Chris

Some say you've got the better gig. Do you know what?

Paul

I uh Well done, mate.

Chris

Thanks for joining the Animal Guys. Look, you know, I I lit I literally cannot wait.

Paul

Do you know what's weird about the whole thing is um we met at Butlin's.

Chris

Yeah.

Paul

We were red coats together. Yeah, we were. We hosted and DJ'd, hosted big gigs, little gigs at Butlin's, and now we're Animal Guys together.

Chris

This year I've worked out is our 19th year together.

Paul

As Chris and Paul.

Chris

As Chris and Paul. Nice. And I've not worked actually, I worked with you for a little bit last year, but this year will be the probably the most time we would be working together on stage.

Paul

Yeah, so later on in the year uh you are swapping the cruise ships and you are doing some land shows and you are coming on tour uh with me and the rest of the team. Can't wait for the lay-by. I will show you that lay by the show that lay-by. But yeah, so you're you're coming to do a theatre show with us and you are doing the Butlins tour. Can't wait. So we're going back to Butlins together as an outside act.

Chris

We're going back to where we started. And do you know what's really mad is that there's probably people that will come and see that show going, I think I saw those two when I was a kid.

Paul

So I I obviously we I obviously we were born in we were born as entertainers in my head. Do you know like that Navy video? I was made in Runcorn, but I was born in the Royal Navy. Or the other way around. Yeah, that's it. Um that's us really, isn't it? When you think about it. We we met at Butlins and we kind of we started our whole Ents career at Butlins.

Chris

It's mad, isn't it?

Paul

Do you know what, Butlins? I'm gonna give Butlins a like a bit of um uh what's it called? Like a positive I'm gonna speak very positively about it. You better do it. It taught us everything, it did, didn't it? It did actually. And if there's people out there that go, uh I'd love to be a red coat, how do I get into the business and everything like that? Butlins generally was the place where we learn everything.

Chris

Oh, actually, if you want if you if you're listening, you want to get into the entertainments business, or you want to be uh creative, like that is the best place, best starting ground.

Paul

Oh, 100%. I I never ever did entertainments before butlins.

Chris

No one or me. I worked in a co-op.

Paul

You did work in a co-op. Yeah. Well done, you.

Chris

I was duty manager, mate.

Paul

Yeah, and I worked for my parents' business, which was rehabilitation, people learning difficulties, additional needs, and everything like that. And then suddenly I we ended up at Butlins.

Chris

I don't think we've ever bought this up.

Paul

No, we've never brought it up.

Chris

In the episodes that we've done, I don't think we've ever bought this up.

Paul

No, so do you know what? We yeah, it's gonna be great to actually it'll be amazing to be on the road with you, and it'd be amazing to go to Bogner and to Skegness, but it will be really nice to stand on a mine ed stage with you where it all began. That's cool, isn't it?

Chris

Now, for those international listeners, what you've just said, they're gonna be sat there going, I have no idea what he's on about.

Paul

Well, when you talk about Butlins. Yeah, so what is it? Butlins is a holiday resort in the UK, it is the biggest holiday resort in the UK, and I think it is the best holiday resort in the UK when it comes to what they offer. It's good for family holidays, isn't it? Yeah, basically, it's family holidays. It's like think think Disney and like Orlando Studios and like but but Butlins, it's called Butlins, but basically have a Google, have a Google it. Butlings.com. Anyway, we're not even paid and we're advertising butlings.com. Well, so I know the social media guy. Well hook us up.

Chris

Well, we'll we'll do an ad. Yeah. Anyway.

Paul

So, yeah, so you we've got to do back-to-back episodes because you're going away on holiday.

Chris

I'm going away. Some say it's a holiday.

Paul

Let's have this debate now. It is a holiday. You you're not really working, like what we spoke about in the last episode. You're on there for two weeks, you're doing about six hours worth of work.

Chris

Well, look, someone's got to do it.

Paul

Exactly then. But you know what? I'm a little bit chat. I've done the cruisers. I did year one of the cruisers. I loved it.

Chris

I did last year.

Paul

You did last year.

Chris

I went to Norway, and I'm going, I loved it that much. I'm going back to Norway.

Paul

Yeah, you are, but you're going back with some different people. I am, yeah. That's nice. So yeah, so that's why we're doing back-to-back episodes. Um, so yeah, so I can't really ask you how your week's been.

Chris

Because we haven't even had the week.

Paul

I haven't moved. The only thing I've done since the last recording of this recording is I had a week. You made a brew.

Chris

I made a brew, and we're back. Um we're back. We did want to mention as well, uh, we've sort of touched upon it in the last few episodes of just um of the people that are listening, and there's some regular listeners, and we wanted to give them a little bit of a shout-out and say hello, just to say thank you.

Paul

Go on then.

Chris

Uh so uh a big shout out to uh to Flinders. He's he he messaged me the other day and he's actually listened all the way back from the very beginning, all the way until now.

Paul

So he did tell us that um I've started listening to your epic you podcast, and I thought he's gone like start of when we came back after our little break. But actually he told us that he's gone back to the start, like right back to the start. Can't even remember. Even during COVID. I mean So it is quite funny because every time I see him now, I go, have me and have me and my explicit that I was with. Oh, your laptop. Oh you've got a telephone appointment.

Chris

I've got a telephone appointment with your doctor.

Paul

Oh right, cool. Um but yeah, he's gone right back to the start. I think went right back to the start. Your son wasn't even born.

Chris

No, he wasn't.

Paul

Isn't that mad? No, so he's really committed. Well, thanks for the commitment there. Thanks for the commitment. Anymore? We got a shout out from uh a good friend of mine. He's called David Ryan, full name, and he sent me a little picture on WhatsApp, and it was a pi a picture of his Spotify home page. Oh, nice. And he basically said, You're in good company, I suppose. Um, so he is a regular listener, but can I name a few of the other podcasts that he listens to? Go on then. Uh Diary of a CEO. Yes, very good. The high performance podcast. Ver very very good. Great company, anything goes, stick to football, under the kosh, and ours. So what does he listen to? Hours. I mean that look at them. There's some right elite podcasts there, but yeah, he sent me a message saying that he's enjoying our podcast. So a big hello to uh David Ryan. He actually used to be my health and safety manager. Oh, very nice. Yeah, he did, yeah. He he saved my bum many a times. Good with the old uh Well, he's alpha safety. Do you know what? Speak right, if you were to like what does a health and safety person look like, or what are they like as a person, you would say they are boring.

Chris

Stereotypically, we're saying, aren't we?

Paul

Yeah, stereotypically, they're boring, they're a bit probably dress quite blandish. Um, just quite boring. I don't know, I don't know any of the health and safety managers. I actually I've met a few, and David Ryan is used to be, he now works for um uh that big company. You know he's Total Wipeout or something? Do you know with the high rope swing?

Chris

Oh, right, you definitely need a health and safety guy for that.

Paul

Yeah, so he's now working there now, but yeah, he's amazing. He's a good looking guy as well.

Chris

Well, there you go. That's a big shout out to him. Right, we don't need to go into too much detail. Um uh also, any other shout outs?

Paul

Uh someone called Samantha. Oh, hello, Samantha. Sent them a message saying that they'd listen to our podcast. Uh, we've had loads really. I just haven't written them down on the list, and uh, I don't really can think on the spot.

Chris

Uh hello goes out to uh to Dean as well. Dean. There's a guy called Dean, he'll be listening to it.

Paul

Uh Mitch and Amber, they're regular listeners. Very regular. And let's give a shout-out to another podcast. Go what?

Chris

Uh we'd like to yeah, we'd like to cross brands.

Paul

So there's another podcast out there called Two Mates and a Mike. Uh, and they they listen to our podcast. But judging by your face, you've never listened to it.

Chris

Yeah, but we don't listen to theirs.

Paul

I don't l I've never listened to theirs. I should do, because they've actually given us a shout-out on their podcast.

Chris

They've probably got more followers, haven't they?

Paul

I don't know, but yeah, so hello to two mates and a mic.

Chris

Um big hello to uh Parenting Hell, who gave us a shout-out on their podcast. Did they? Yeah.

Paul

No, they didn't.

Chris

They did, yeah. Parenting Hellent Hell, Rob Beckett and Josh Whiticam. Rob Beckett, they never they didn't. You're lying. Louis Thoreau.

Paul

Just you are lying now.

Chris

And Ant and Deck.

Paul

So Oh, actually, while we're on the subject of Ant and Deck, I've actually started listening to their podcast. That's very good, actually.

Chris

There's similarities there. It's very they basically do the same stuff as we do, but on a much bigger and professional scale, and have got more of a following.

Paul

And well, yeah, of course they have. They're getting 4,000 downloads a minute. But and actually, when people say when we worked at Butlins, people used to say that we were the Ant and Deck of Butlins. Now I've listened to their podcasts. I I would see myself having a drink with Ant. You don't drink? Well right then. I would see myself going for a coffee. Yeah. That's better. I would see myself going for a coffee with Ant, and I can imagine you having a coffee with Declan. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? I can see that. Actually makes sense. He's I love I actually love and they're asking people for jingles. Will you do that? And they do what gets on your nerves. Will you do that? Yeah, but they've got the budget, they've got the big budget, they've got the studio. They haven't travelled an hour and off.

Chris

No, they've probably just gone down the road, haven't they? Yeah.

Paul

But yeah, so we'll start a listener.

Chris

Okay, ideal guest on the podcast. It it could be a anybody, it could be alive, it could be dead. If you could pick anybody to come on a podcast or go on a podcast with, who would it be?

Paul

If er actually, I would love to do or interview um Louis Thoreau.

Chris

Yeah, it'd be fascinating.

Paul

Oh my have you seen his latest Netflix? Incredible, isn't it? Is it about the manosphere or whatever? I watched that. That's awful. But yeah, I think it'd be fascinating to intro. Intro?

Chris

Do you know what it Attinborough for me?

Paul

Wow.

Chris

Got to be Attinborough.

Paul

On topic.

Chris

Attenborough, uh Attenborough the King. Really? Um yeah, I'd love to sit in the room.

Paul

I am a royalist, but I wouldn't say that I'd like to probably have a conversation with him.

Chris

And do you know who else I would like to have a conversation with? Who? Bradley Walsh.

Paul

Oh, well, yeah. We saw we saw their show, didn't we? Yeah, really good. Last year or the year before? Yeah. No, that was amazing. With who was it? Bradley Walsh, Joe Pasqually, Shane Ritchie, Brian Connolly. Brian Connolly. We saw that a few years ago. That was amazing.

Chris

I think they're due to go back on tour again at some point.

Paul

Well, it's only because he Joe Pasqually told you.

Chris

He did. Big Joe?

Paul

Big Joe.

Chris

Have we ruined it? We could get Joe Pasqually on the pod.

Paul

Imagine we got Joe Pasqually on the pod.

Chris

But we know people.

Paul

We do know people.

Chris

We know people actually, we know lots of people within the entertainments industry.

Paul

Who's the most famous person in your phone? Chico.

Chris

Probably Shut up. Look, you're knocking look, you're laughing. Shut up. I'll take you back to 2008 when Chico was huge. He used to pack out a venue. He used to pack out a venue, you couldn't get a seat. Now look, now what's he doing?

Paul

Nothing.

Chris

Well, look, we can get him on the pod.

Paul

Just so you know, I don't care if this clip goes out. Chico be the last person I'd ever want to get on this podcast. I don't know. Do you know what you do in his emails? You like go, hi mate, do you want to come on the podcast? And you go, Yeah, what time is it? What time is it? Yeah, you go a bit busy. I'm busy. Um, yeah, so is Chico the most famous person on your phone? Um who else have I got?

Chris

Um I have I've got I've I've got Mr. Pasqually's number. Oh, have you? Yeah, but not going to give it out. Obviously, we're not gonna give anybody's out. No.

Paul

So what about you?

Chris

What are you gonna find?

Paul

We've spoken about it in previous episodes. I've got uh Norman Cook. Oh, yes, Fat Boy Slim.

Chris

Your mate, Fat Boy Slim, yeah, of course. Uh he's doing another weekend, isn't he, this year?

Paul

He is, he is. You go in? Uh I think I can actually, I'm not sure. Well, you fancy it. Yeah, I fancy it. Um uh Stephen Malone. Obviously. Yeah, obviously, work with him with Botlins.

Chris

I'm surprised he hasn't done a podcast. He's just too busy, isn't he?

Paul

Cat phrase Well he's appeared on podcasts. He went on Alan Carr's podcast. Uh yeah. And has he appeared on Aton Dex shit? He's gonna be, in he? Yeah, he's gotta be. Um yeah, I've got a couple of big well, they're not even Fat Voice Limb, obviously, but he's a legend, I wouldn't say. I wouldn't say he's a celebrity, he's a legend. And Stephen Malone is just a guy in the show business that has done very well. I'm not downgrading him in any way, shape, or form. But he's not on like he's not on uh Tom Cruiser's level, is he?

Chris

No.

Paul

Celebrity. Who's the one celebrity's number you uh wish you could have in your phone? That's a good question.

Chris

Good question.

Paul

And they can't be Anton Deck either.

Chris

Probably um I wouldn't mind David Beckham's number.

Paul

Right, okay.

Chris

But the problem you got is he's so busy. He'd never text you back.

Paul

I would like Gordon Ramsay's.

Chris

Would ya?

Paul

Yeah. I watched his new uh six-part special on Netflix.

Chris

I it's done in wonders, I think. It's shown his softer side. It is actually, because we all think of him as the uh the angry. I like him.

Paul

Yeah. I like how forward he is. I just wish you could do that in everyday life.

Chris

Okay, here's a quick we'll go a little bit off topic, but here's a quick question. Have you ever had a reply from a celebrity that you've that you've maybe commented on their their Instagram?

Paul

No, never. Haven't yeah? I don't really comment on anything.

Chris

Oh, I do. Oh, I love it.

Paul

Well, who have you had a reply?

Chris

Greg James. Radio One's Greg James?

Paul

We spoke about him in the last episode.

Chris

He he er I I I I I can't remember what I said, but he just went, thanks. And that was it. But I got a reply. So that was that was good.

Paul

Right, okay. No, I don't really comment on stuff. Don't you? No. I'm all over it. I don't really get it. I don't I don't believe that that person like I understand that Greg James has replied saying thanks. But is it really Greg James or is it a member of his team?

Chris

No, it's definitely a mm. Right, okay.

Paul

But like say you were to send a message to you were to comment on, I don't know, um, Taylor Swift. Yeah. Right? Taylor Swift is not replying. No, of course not. Do you know what I mean? It's not even her account, it's her account, but it'll be a member of their entourage.

Chris

Depends on who who the person is and how big they are.

Paul

Like with the animal guys, yeah. I I sit in the same dressing room as the people that um do all the replying and everything like that, and I know they're like, they're you know, this it's it is either Craig or Becker or Joey or whatever. They that that's real. Do you know what I mean? It's not we haven't got someone sat in an office replying. So I don't fully believe that everybody on the internet is in full control when it comes to celebrity status, they're not fully in control of it.

Chris

So so when somebody replies to one of your posts, is it your entourage? No, no, no. Or is it you? It's definitely you. Is it?

Paul

Yeah, it's normally when I'm got cruise control on on the M5. Right.

Chris

Don't don't reply on the M5.

Paul

Well, I do.

Chris

So um also we need to talk about um email addresses.

Paul

Yes, this came up in the other week. I was visiting my auntie and my uncle uh in uh Derby, uh, which is where I was born. Completely irrelevant. Um, but yeah, and they were talking about they were gonna send an email to something about something, and then um my uncle said, uh, El, El, what's my email address? And I was just sat there having a drink, having a cabruot, and he went, and my auntie I went, uh. I can't read the whole email address out, but it started with Goatlips. Goatlips? Goatlips 19.

Chris

What is a username?

Paul

No, that is his email address. That's his email address. So my email address is Paul blah blah blah blah blah at whatever whatever. His it's not even his name, it's goatlips.

Chris

What happens if you've got to send a serious email? Maybe you want to write a complaint. They're not gonna take that seriously, surely.

Paul

The email from let's say that you've been you're you're claiming compensation or something. Yeah. And you email the insurance company and the email address is goat lips. Yeah, they're not gonna take that seriously.

Chris

Have you had any random email addresses? Yeah, I think this cut this this goes back to when I was f when I f and my first email address.

Paul

Yeah.

Chris

And I think we've all we all remember our first email address. Email address, right? Yeah, go, sorry. And mine, I don't know why. I called it Turkey Drumsticks 3000. What? I don't know why. But when I was 15, I thought that was hilarious.

Paul

I know someone that had big boobs. And even had big boobs. Do you know what I mean?

Chris

Big boobs won.

Paul

You're not mine it'd be little dick. Little dick one.

Chris

Little dick one. Do you know what I mean? At Upmail.com.

Paul

Do you know what I mean? It's just like look at like generally we we we love hearing from people. Just we don't need to know what your full email address was or if it's even still active, but just like send us a message or comment below on what your email address was when from years ago. What random email addresses.

Chris

Do you remember having a Bebo account? Do you ever remember that? Uh Bebo. What was the other one? MySpace.

Paul

Wasn't everybody on MySpace friends with the person who created MySpace? Yeah, that's right. Yeah, what's his name? Richard or something, wasn't it? I don't know. Something like that.

Chris

Is MySpace still about? No. No, you shut it down. Oh, did they? Yeah. Alright. Do you know what really, really uh you know when you go that time hop that they have or Facebook memories?

Paul

I love Facebook memories.

Chris

Do you know what? I often I've I've had a flick through a few times.

Paul

Yeah.

Chris

And I go, what was I posting?

Paul

I do it daily. So let me I'm gonna go on my memory. What's on your memories now then? Memories. Well, this could go one or two ways.

Chris

Uh I think the further you go back, the better, isn't it?

Paul

So six years ago, yeah, we're in lockdown. Yeah. And I was doing a competition. Oh, with the Radio One we're doing quizzes. Oh, I remember those days. Yeah. So in lockdown. So I was doing that. And I only got six out of nine. And the person that I was doing it with only got two hours. I remember those days. Facebook remembered that.

Chris

Go back a bit further.

Paul

Six years ago. Six years again. Even the core. Six years ago, I was walking my dog in lockdown. Yeah. And there was a bloke walking around with carry a bag on his head.

Chris

Oh, you've got to save that.

Paul

Yeah, let me let me save it.

Chris

Save that.

Paul

And I'll find Facebook memories. Actually, I'll screenshot that. There's nothing like get nobody in trouble. Post it. I'll screenshot that and I'll post that.

Chris

We'll put that on our store.

Paul

Eleven years ago, I introduced my nephew to Ant and Deck Saturday Night Takeaway.

Chris

Bly mate.

Paul

Er I don't even know what that is. I don't know what it is.

Chris

He was hacked a few years ago. Some nice little photos. Yeah.

Paul

Oh, I went to Walton Towers four, sixteen years ago I went to Walton Towers.

Chris

How do I check mine? Yeah, that's what people will be doing now, is just going back on.

Paul

Actually, it's you. Is it? Why are you posing, leaning on my car? It is me!

Chris

Oh bleat!

Paul

Do you remember that car?

Chris

Save that.

Paul

Shall I save that?

Chris

We got a s right, so after this episode is released, we're we're we're we're gonna. Is there a picture of me and you? Can you just save a picture of you? Oh, please. There's a picture of that one. Yeah, this one.

Paul

There's a poor picture. There's a picture of me and a picture of you.

Chris

There's a picture of you. Let me just go back to the picture.

Paul

Which one?

Chris

There's a picture of you in a black coat. He looks a bit like a young John Travolta.

Paul

I think I look like John Travolta.

Chris

What year was this?

Paul

This was 16 years ago on this date. We went to Walton Towers.

Chris

Oh, how do you do the time up? How do you do it? No, so you click on the three things.

Paul

This is makes great listen. Memories.

Chris

We we will we will post some of these pictures up.

Paul

Um Facebook memories. Yeah, we went to Walton Towers.

Chris

Yeah. Oh.

Paul

That's amazing.

Chris

Oh yeah.

Paul

There's no pictures of me and you.

Chris

No, I haven't really got anything on my memories. What for today? From today. No.

Paul

Alright.

Chris

There you go.

Paul

So Facebook memories. We like that. We'll post some of the uh memories uh when this episode goes out. What's next on the old agenda?

Chris

Next on the old agenda is uh well I think just go on to Should we talk about the fact that I'm at war?

Paul

Not the war. Yeah, don't we? No, I'm not talking about the war. But I'm in a bit of I'm having a I'm having a fallout with uh uh with a hotel.

Chris

Oh, you have a hotel fallout?

Paul

What's the I'm I'm I'm on a I'm having email arguments. Go on, tell us the story. So I uh checked into a hotel. Yeah. I must Ibis. I don't normally stay at Ibis. Ibis FYI.

Chris

I've never done an IBIS.

Paul

No, I don't normally stay. I'm normally a premium I'm a premiere in plus carnivore.

Chris

Is that like the Easy Jet of hotels?

Paul

Not EasyJet, but it was an IBIS styles. Um and I I booked a room with um it was called the Works, which has like a bed, a sofa, a little kitchenette.

Chris

I guess because it A big room. It works.

Paul

Yeah, so it works for everything. Right. So I booked that room. Uh I checked in really late at night and got unpacked, got settled, and then um about two hours after staying there, I thought I'd have a shower. So I had a shower, no hot water. Oh no. So nightmare. I went to reception and said, No hot water. And they said, Well, there's a bit of an issue with that room. Well, why give me that room anyway?

Chris

I like the fact they were well, look, they were honest about it, but you're right, why did they give me a room?

Paul

Why did they give me that room? Because what they should have said, they'd go, I'm really sorry. Do you know? Don't tell me you knew about the issue. Just go, I'm really sorry about that. Let's move you to another room.

Chris

Yes.

Paul

Right? Sorted. Okay? Some things the customer doesn't need to know. So anyway, he goes, I'll move. I went, Oh, is there another room I could go into? And then he ended up giving me a key to another room that was just a bed. So you haven't got the works.

Chris

The works, you've got very basic.

Paul

Yeah, so yeah, so then but at that point, I've already been to my other room, packed everything up that I've already unpacked, walked to the other end of the hotel, got in another room, it's not it's just a room, and it there was nothing wrong with the room, but it wasn't what I paid for. But at that time of night, you don't want to go back to reception for a third time, then move to a third room, do you? Yeah, of course you don't. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. So anyway, I just put up with it and um I put up with it and just went to bed. I had enough. So anyway, I'm I'm at an email war with them now. Oh my goodness, I want my money back. I'm I'm seeking compensation. Do you know what was really good about that? I use ChatGBT to make the email up for me.

Chris

See, I bet people hate that when they get a long email, go, oh no. But in all fairness, you know, you pay for hot water. That's the basic.

Paul

Yeah, and the fact that he said, Oh yeah, it's a bit of an issue. You have to run the tap for five minutes. Well, I've run it for ten.

Chris

I mean, we're in mod we're in a modern day society, you don't need to run the tap for the five.

Paul

It's a basic extra it's like it's like it's like with phone signal now. That does my heading. Yeah. You can put a man on the moon. I know. Right? There's there's people, astronauts up there, right now, in the space centre. They can communicate with Earth, right? But I can't have a phone conversation with my parents. And if they're on a country road in Cornwall, why are you lose signal? I know. Do you know what I also did once last year? I went to Florida, I went on a jet ski in the Gulf of Mexico. Oh, someone's doing well. Right? So, but uh, we hired some jet skis, I got on the jet ski, I took my phone with me, he said I could, put it in a little pouch, and I was like two miles from land.

Chris

Yeah.

Paul

I still had 5G.

Chris

Madness.

Paul

And I FaceTimed my parents on the jet ski, two miles from land.

Chris

You're right on that. Because I was on the top of a mountain in Norway and I had the best 5G I think I've ever had. And that's what like I just don't get it. Like Junction 11 on the M5, can't get anything.

Paul

Oh, don't even go there. You're back rows to get here. Yeah, they're a nightmare, aren't they? I was on the phone this morning on the way and it got cut out.

Chris

So, what's so what's the end of this story then?

Paul

Well, there is no end. I'm still so I I worded a very well email view chat GBT. They come back and basically said, I'm really sorry for the inconvenience. We weren't aware of the hot water. Well, you definitely were, because you told me there was an issue with the hot water, but all you're doing now is covering yourself. And they're basically no offer of compensation, they just said, please be assured that we will take extra care moving forward to ensure all rooms are checked thoroughly. What? That doesn't benefit me. You just I've still paid for a room.

Chris

Did you have hot water in the basic room? Yeah, it's beautiful. Well, there you go.

Paul

Yeah, it was a nice walking shower. So I've gone back, and I oh I haven't gone back yet. But I'm I'm ready to go back.

Chris

But we'll find out the next episode about hotel.

Paul

I'm at war with ibis. Oh blind me. Ibis Styles. And just so no, be really clear, I'm not staying there again. I always stay in Premier Ends, you know that. You've heard it here first. Yeah, so if Ibis ever want to sponsor the podcast, go jump. Don't bother. Yeah, don't bother. Okay, what are we moving on to?

Chris

Moving in on to uh the my our favourite feature of Tuts of the Week is uh what gets on your tutz.

Paul

We've got a couple here. I've got one. Can I start? Go for it. Uh couples who share right, I'll say it one way and then I'm gonna say it the other way, right? Couples that share food and drink. Right? Wait. Now I'm gonna re- say it again. Couples that share all food and drink.

Chris

Okay, so are we talking like say you've got a platter of food and you're just picking up a lot of it?

Paul

Right, so for example, like if me and you were to go to a restaurant, yeah, and let's say you had mashed potato and I had chips, yeah, and I go, Oh, do you want a few chips, mate? Yeah. You go, yeah, I would actually. I'd like sip of forking, give you a few chips.

Chris

I'm gonna go, nah, I've got mashed potato, there's too much potato.

Paul

Yeah, but sometimes you might go, just fancy a chip.

Chris

And I go, okay.

Paul

Right, just you get the point I'm trying to make, right? But I know a couple, and I'm not naming them, because they know they're I'm not gonna give them the satisfaction. They'll share everything. So they've ordered two meals. Right, two meals, and then they chop each meal in off and then put it on another plot like put it like swap over.

Chris

Do they?

Paul

So let's say I order steak. Yeah. They've had the fish steak, chips, peas, you've ordered fish, lasagna fish, mash, carrots, chutney. Chutney. You slice yours in off, I slice mine in off.

Chris

No.

Paul

And then we put it on each other's plates. I can't.

Chris

That's a bit messy, you know.

Paul

Shut up. Like, it really annoys me, and they know it annoys me as well. Also, they share biscuits. So if I have a digestive biscuit, I'd buy it off and give you another half.

Chris

No, just get another digestive biscuit. I'm with you on that. There's no like you there's so many biscuits in a pack, you can't. What's the point of splitting them in half? Just go, here's a biscuit.

Paul

I'd I I also I don't know this for certain, but I can imagine when they're in the car together, they go to a petrol station and they want to get a drink. They'll just buy one bottle of coke and then just share half it.

Chris

No, buy two.

Paul

Hmm.

Chris

I get it if you were it if you were uh No, I don't get it. If you if you're doing a sharing plate, love a sharing plate.

Paul

It's called a sharing platter because it thinks you share a sharing platter.

Chris

But it's not a sharing three-course meal unless you go for a sharing three-course meal.

Paul

No, you're not doing a Right, just so you know, if me and you were to go to a restaurant, I'd order what I want. Yeah, and you order what you want.

Chris

There's okay. Uh I don't mind Oh, I wouldn't mind trying your prawns. Can I have a prawn?

Paul

I'll give you a phone. That's okay. You can have like a oh that looks nice. Oh, maybe I have a bit, that's fine. But to to But generally they go to the extreme.

Chris

Why don't you just order what you want to eat?

Paul

Because uh I want lasagna, but I also want this, so why don't you order that and I'll order that, and then we can just half it. No, go away. And also, I don't think the guy in the relationship actually wants to do it. I feel like he's forced to do it. Now I've caused an argument with them when they listen to it. But I don't care, stop sharing food.

Chris

But on the flip side, just playing devil's advocate here. Of course you do.

Paul

You get splittiners on that fence.

Chris

Do you do you ever get like food envy when you go, Oh, I should have ordered the pie and I've ordered a burger?

Paul

No, because I look at a menu and go, what do I fancy? Oh, I fancy pizza, I'll order pizza.

Chris

Don't you go, oh actually I should have gone for the pie.

Paul

No, I don't, because I go, Oh, I should have ordered pizza. Oh no, I want pizza, so I'll order pizza.

Chris

You're happy with what you've got, yeah, because you've got a choice to make.

Paul

Do you ever look at pizza? Only choice.

Chris

But don't you look at other people's plates, go, oh, that looks nice.

Paul

Yeah, and I'll remember that for the next time I get there.

Chris

But what happens if you're just there for the day?

Paul

No, I don't care. That's it's not a thing. I just can't stand couples that just share food all the time. It's extreme, Chris. I can't tell you how And they know it really annoys me.

Chris

But some say it's romantic.

Paul

Alright. It keeps the Go for a nice walk under the sunset.

Chris

That's it.

Paul

Go and see the moon. Go and go and get a candle and sit on the beach with a couple of beers and just embrace that moment.

Chris

But don't start sharing your bangers and mash.

Paul

So why is that? That's like sometimes if you get two sausages and mash, yeah. Well, I'm gonna give you a sausage.

Chris

I'm only left with one sausage.

Paul

How many sausages is acceptable for bangers and mash? Four. Oh, okay. Four. Yeah. Oh sorry. Yeah, four. Do each. I have no do each. I'm having four. If you want four, you cook four.

Chris

No way. Alright, let's let's move on. Let's move on now. Um so uh oh this this drives me crazy. This one.

Paul

Which one?

Chris

Uh it's it's being told it's an incorrect password. So you're logging in to, you know, whatever, you're banking, and it goes, incorrect password. It's not, and it's telling me it is.

Paul

And I've had but then I Just no, I think the system knows if it's the right password or the wrong password.

Chris

But the problem is, I think I've changed the password that many times.

Paul

So who's at fault here? The computer or you?

Chris

It is me, but there's There you go.

Paul

So actually, you're annoyed with yourself that you can't remember the password.

Chris

There's too many, you've been in your password forever and a thin, face ID. Have a note on your phone. But you've got passcodes, you've got a face ID, no face ID doesn't even recognise you. Have you ever done it when you woke up in the morning and you're looking at your phone and you're just like, open your phone, because it's face ID recognition, and even the f your phone's going, mate, you're too knackered. I don't even recognise you.

Paul

So the other day I because I wear I'm a glasses wearer, the other day I wore contacts, sunglasses, and a hat. Well, that's it, I've gone. Have you ever tried opening your phone with face ID at 90 mile an hour on the M5?

Chris

It's difficult, mate.

Paul

You didn't recognise me.

Chris

I just thought it's just so annoying, isn't it? Yeah, I get it. You can't get into stuff.

Paul

But I'm the type of person that I will have the same sort of password for everything.

Chris

You're a hacker's dream. No, I'm not a hacker's dream.

Paul

But it's it's it's with a there are differences between all my passwords when it comes to maybe normal or characters. So if you're a hacker, welcome. Yeah, no, I'm just saying sometimes it can be a a a hashtag or an exclamation mark or a question mark or something different.

Chris

Hackers right now are going, right, I'm just gonna change that. They probably could anyway.

Paul

They don't even need passwords to get in stuff anyway.

Chris

Right. Have you got any or yeah? Go on then. Uh here's another one that happened to me the other day when I was I was on public transport. It doesn't happen very often, but when it does When were you on public transport? I popped on a train. Popped on a train to London. I had a little little little treat to myself. Yeah, I went to London. I don't remember this. No, well, I went to London. It was I wouldn't say it's the other day, it was about a month ago. Right, okay, good. And uh and what's really annoying is when people make phone calls on loudspeaker.

Paul

I no, I don't think that has anything to do with public transport in any way, shape, or form. But I don't want to. I think it's just people that have their phone on loudspeaker.

Chris

I think that's probably right.

Paul

If it was legal to punch people in the face and have no consequences, I'd do it all the time.

Chris

The only time you use loudspeaker is when you're in the car.

Paul

Well, yeah.

Chris

Because it comes out of the car. It comes through the car, you're in the car.

Paul

Yeah.

Chris

But when you're with random strangers, putting it on loudspeaker is ridiculous. Unless you're deaf. Unless you're hard of hearing. You I I don't see the point of it. Because I don't need to know your conversation and the other person's conversation.

Paul

Right, yeah, I get that. That really annoys you, doesn't it? It's just loud speaker in general. I think we spoke about it before.

Chris

Or people playing loud music.

Paul

We have actually had somebody message in telling us their tut.

Chris

Oh, go on.

Paul

Um, here we go. Uh, speaking in the cinema. This is from David, who is one of the hosts of Two Makes and a Mike.

Chris

Okay.

Paul

Speaking in the cinema while a film's on. How do you feel about that? Don't mind it. You don't mind it? Don't mind it, no? I don't mind no. But you're in a cinema with people trying to watch a film.

Chris

Uh but not but I'm talking to that person about the film. So I'll go, oh yeah, did you see that? What oh uh do you think that I don't mind it. I really don't mind it. I'm okay with it.

Paul

Oh yeah?

Chris

Yeah.

Paul

Okay.

Chris

Yeah, I do what I don't like is people talking about something that's not about the film or talking too loudly. I will whisper so nobody else can hear what I'm saying.

Paul

Right, see, I think I'm in David's fence fence on David's side. If you're going to a cinema, the film starts short.

Chris

Really?

Paul

And then when you get in the car, discuss it.

Chris

Okay. I always forget stuff.

Paul

If I say it as I'm watching it Yeah, but if the film was that good, you'd remember it all anyway. That's true. So really your choice of films needs to proven. But you're not. Speaking of film, the new Spider-Man traders, though.

Chris

But do you not you know when you're watching the TV at home and you're watching a film? Yeah, but I'm at home.

Paul

I'm at home. Do you talk when you're watching the home? I'm not in a cinema with 60 other people. Depending on your cinema size.

Chris

What about um what? Oh, I sat in a cinema and they were r they were doing they were going, Oh god, I can't believe that happened!

Paul

Oh wow! Do you know what? I I don't fall out with reaction. That was like when I went to watch Paddington, I spoke about it in the previous episode. Something happens in Paddington that kind of shocked me a little bit, and that you hear the audience response was a bit like this, but I get that. I think responses, like in Avengers.

Chris

Yeah, I never seen Avengers.

Paul

When people have you never seen Avengers, right? So in Avengers in the film, because all the films link with each other and everything like that, a lot of people react to stuff happening. So I'm all up for that because you're in the moment. Yes. But if I'm having a conversation with you while watching a film and then going, Oh, don't forget, later on, I need to put the bins out. It's like that's not relevant to what you're watching now.

Chris

I get that. What are your thoughts on crying? No, have you cried have you cried watching a film in the cinema?

Paul

Uh yeah, Marley and me. Oh, I can't I know someone that watched Marley and Me and turned it off because he knew what the ending was. Before he'd even see the ending, he knew where the film was going and went, no, I can't bring myself to.

Chris

Tell you a story about Marley and me. What? So uh I was with my wife, uh, my current wife, uh, and uh and and uh I thought uh well a dog had passed away, and I thought Marley and me would be a great film because it's a love, you know, a lovely film. I didn't know the full story. All I saw was a picture of a dog on the front cover and thought, do you know what? This'll be really nice to watch. We'll sit down as a couple, we watched the film, lovely, lovely film, until you get to the end.

Paul

So her dog had died? Recent, very recent.

Chris

I was saying.

Paul

You thought it was a good idea to put Molly and me on. Yeah. Had you ever seen Marley and me? Nope. So you didn't think of doing any research on the film? So you just saw a dog on a cover, on your telly, on Netflix. There was a dog and it was called Molly and Me.

Chris

I think it was in Blockbuster. I think it was that covered up.

Paul

So you went to Blockbuster, you saw a a DVD with a dog on it, it says Molly and me. Yes. You didn't think to turn the the DVD round and read the story on the fact that the dog is uh they get the dog as a puppy, cause chaos, everything happens, yeah, the family gets really Yeah, it's all nice, and then the dog dies. That's but your wife, your what your current wife, yeah, you dog had just died. Dog had just died, and you thought putting Molly and me on was a good idea. She was in bits. I'm not surprised. So I can't. That's the last time I cried. But crying in cinemas or crying in the theatre, if something really makes you feel sad in that moment, then I think that's part of the experience you're in. It's an immersive experience, isn't it? I get it. Right? Yeah. Um we've got another one here from David. Uh, waiters putting couples next to you in a restaurant where there are loads of other free tables. Yeah, I get that. Oh, what so So let's say we're in a restaurant together, you and your current wife. Um you and your current wife are in a restaurant, it's pretty much empty. You're on a table for two, you've got another empty table of two next to you. The waiter brings and puts another couple next to you. Yeah. But there's loads of other tables they could put them on, but they choose to put them next to you Yeah, I get that. It means you kind of invading your space. Do you can't really have a conversation?

Chris

I don't know whether this is true, because I've never worked in uh in the inner hospitality. Yeah, I've never worked in a restaurant. But I was told that they always put the good-looking people at the front window. Just saying that's not a thing. Is that not a thing? That's not a thing. Isn't it? Somebody told me that. They went, oh yeah.

Paul

What you're saying is that if that if there was one table empty and the couple walked in that the Maitre D thinks are a bit ugly, they're gonna go, sorry, we've got no tables. You'll no, we'll still. But there is no other tables. So what do you do then? No, this is jeopardise your you're not gonna put ugly people by the window.

Chris

No, no, this is where I no, no, it's when there's you know there's quite a few tables and chairs, so they'll go, right, well, the good-looking people, you sit at the front because you'll be like more advertising. Is that not a thing?

Paul

Is it right there? I bet it isn't. No, it is. If anyone Well, if there are restaurants out there that do that, then go forth and multiply, you sick, twisted human beings. Well So basically, if we were to go to one of those restaurants We'd be in the back bedroom. We'd be in the kitchen. We'll be in the kitchen. Yeah, mate, just eating off the frying pan. Cheers, baby, anyway. You're having a lovely day. Want some sauce with that? Yeah, cheers. Yeah, I've got a couple of chips here. No, I don't want to share them. They're my chips. Yeah, on the match. If you want to be in the match, no, I don't. Just give me some food. Right, should we do one more?

Chris

We'll do one more.

Paul

And then I've got to get on the road because I've got a show to do. Yeah, well I haven't. Um I've been on the road. Right, go on then.

Chris

Here's one. When when when people reveal spoilers on the telly that's been on the TV.

Paul

Right, right. My question, first question, do they say spoiler alert?

Chris

No.

Paul

Okay, then I'm with you.

Chris

Also, another thing, because I like I like to watch the Formula One. Now, sometimes when you watch the Formula One, it's it's shown in other parts of the world, so there's a time difference.

Paul

Yeah.

Chris

I go onto Instagram and it flashes up. Who's won?

Paul

So I know a couple that were really into Stranger Things. Yeah. They were away, working, whatever. They didn't go on social media at all for five days because they didn't want to see any spoilers from Stranger Things. Right.

Chris

That's quite a commitment though, isn't it? That's commitment.

Paul

But yeah, I agree with you. I think if someone says spoiler alert or in the caption of an Instagram post, if you say spoiler alert, then you just flip past it.

Chris

Also, they do it on the radio. So I listen to the radio. You are a radio host as well. I love the radio. So I listen, so you know it goes to the news or every hour. And then they've and if I've forgotten that the race is on and it's already been on, they'll announce the winner of the race. You're like, yeah, but I've only just got out of bed. You haven't given it time. You should it should be like a 12-hour window after the race.

Paul

Er no, it shouldn't be.

Chris

Just like everything's so instant these days. Can't it just do news?

Paul

But it's 2026, Chris. It's just how it works. It's just annoying. Right, let me do one more. Um yeah, that annoys me. You've done spoilers, you did that. When headphones aren't charged, then you need to use them.

Chris

That's more of a you issue, though, isn't it? Because you should have charged your headphones.

Paul

Yeah, but it still a to it still annoys me. Yeah.

Chris

But what is what's your answer? Go back to the old school.

Paul

No, actually, and let me tell you my predicament. And you're gonna think this is very idiot of me, if that's even a word. So I actually do work on the road. Yeah. Unlike you said in the last episode. I've been on the road all weekend. I should commute. You haven't? You went in out. Anyway, um, so I've got Apple Pods and sometimes I forget to charge them or I haven't got enough charge in them. So I'm actually at the stage now where I'm thinking of buying a second set.

Chris

Oh, blind Well, like a like like a pair of sunglasses.

Paul

Yeah, like I said, like I've got two sunglasses. I have two. Two. Um but now I'm in the position now where I go, do I buy another set of Apple Pods? So then I've always got one charge or two charge.

Chris

But why don't you just bring a charger with you? Yeah, but you need them in that moment. Yeah, but just charge them in your car.

Paul

Right? I'm charging the case, not the pods themselves. I can't charge the pods and use them at the same time.

Chris

Or have a spare pair Yeah, get a spare pair of headphones.

Paul

Or do I have a a a pair of lead ones? Yeah, go on the like the old Apple pods.

Chris

Yeah, go old school.

Paul

Nah, deal with that. But that's like you it's nothing worse when you wake up in the morning and you forgot to put the switch on the power, but you plugged your phone in to charge overnight and your phone doesn't charge, and then you wake up and go, Well, I've I've got six percent battery.

Chris

We just spend our lives charging stuff. That's all we do nowadays. That's the reason why we won't have an electric car. Because I do exactly the same.

Paul

No, I see. I feel differently about electric cars.

Chris

You'd be going, Oh, oh, I've got to charge my car. I'll buy another one and I'll have a couple. That's completely different.

Paul

Because the expense of a car is 30, 40 grand. Yeah. I haven't got another 30, 40 grand line about to buy two electric cars. But what I have got on me is I can have two pods, two sets, sets, and then I could just use them.

Chris

But what happens if you go into your car? Oh, I forgot to charge it again. I thought I'd flick the switch and the switch wasn't on.

Paul

Now we can't go anywhere. Anyway. Right, I generally need to get back on the road because I have gotta go. He's gotta go. Well, thanks for joining us again. Chris, enjoy your cruise ship. We'll do. Welcome to the animal guys.

Chris

Yeah, I'll tell you, we can have a little bit of a debrief of how it went.

Paul

Well, I'll speak to you every day. Yeah, of course we will. Yeah, so but yeah, and so we've done two episodes, so technically now we won't record for a month and a half. Oh, yeah, I don't know when it'll be. Wow, we'll have a lot to talk about.

Chris

We'll have a lot to talk about. Uh please get in touch with your tutz. Um, what annoys you, what gets you nerves, uh, and then send us into them at the post pavilion podcast on the show.

Paul

You've got some editing to do, you have.

Chris

Well, I've got a lot to do. Anyway, I'm out of here. See you next time.