Alicia Love
Welcome to the mindful musings of two spiritual mamas.
Shelby Barsalou
We are two women walking a path of conscious awareness, mostly gentle,
Alicia Love
But sometimes fierce.
Shelby Barsalou
For 22 years, our life paths have been winding and weaving a fabric of sisterhood and spiritual security. Through storytelling and laughter, we share our wisdom, our folies and our empowered perspectives
Alicia Love
Infused with love and intention. Our episodes will inspire those who are ready to shift their soul path into alignment with its divine purpose. You are not alone on this journey. Welcome
Shelby Barsalou
To episode four, season two of Two Spiritual Mamas. I'm Alicia.
Shelby Barsalou
And I'm Shelby. And in this episode, we are connecting self-worth and inner security as a value system similar to a bank account. So what does it feel like when you check your account and you have, let's say, thousands of dollars? It feels amazing, <laugh>. And what Alicia and I wanna share with you is how do we bring that awareness to our own energy field, our own sacred selves? How can we disconnect the sense of value to outside material, wealth or status? And instead, turn it inward and value yourself, value your time, value your energy. And how does that bring you toward a feeling and a sense of inner security?
Shelby Barsalou
Yes.
Shelby Barsalou
Yes. This one's so exciting. Mm-hmm. <laugh>. So we're gonna paint a picture for you. Um, let's say you start your day with a hundred dollars. At the end of the day, are you going to come back home with $2? Are you gonna come back with 50? Are you gonna come back with 200? You know, did you tap into people or circumstances that feed your soul, that fuel your body? Or did you, um, give it away too much? So this is really an act of self-service to you and self-worth. And Alicia, I know you have another way to, to paint the picture, so,
Shelby Barsalou
Well, when you said that, I was just thinking about a return on your investment, like that money and how you spend it and how much you get back. Some of that is how much you feel open to receiving, and we'll get into all of that. But I, you know, we have teenagers, my son plays video games. You probably all have this, you know, even apps these days are based on this concept of vitality points. Like if you have your health level, your vitality level in the morning, you're nourishing yourself with good food. You are doing some movement, yoga, meditation, whatever your morning practice for your own self-care might be. And you've got this nice full tank of vitality points. And then you go out into the world and you're interacting with people, you're offering gifting, um, paying for, so that you can receive different things energetically.
Shelby Barsalou
And when you get down in vitality points, what do you do to replenish? And how do you even acknowledge and, and see that importance of like, what do I need and how do I value myself? So we're gonna go, um, I kind of talked about there are some necessities, right? We need to take care of ourselves first. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, um, around basic security needs. Um, and, and when you're in a fight or flight response or in an, an extreme situation where those basic needs are not getting met, and we always wanna say, you know, empower yourself if you're in an unsafe situation, those are essential needs. And we're, we're not really addressing those right now. We're addressing the abundance of, once those security needs are met, then we have this extra energy to work with. Right? You can, you can point it towards your creativity. You can take a painting class, you can do different things with it. And we're calling that disposable energy.
Shelby Barsalou
Yeah. So for me, some of my disposable energy goes to relationships, lots of relationships. I have many, many people in my life, and I think we both do that. <laugh>. Yeah. We, we, I think many of us do. So, so something I recently learned, um, through my spiritual midwife, uh, Judy, is when you have a relationship with somebody that you have expectations of, and you're asking that person, or you're wishing that that person would meet you and meet your needs at a level that may not be realistic for them, you're keeping this channel open and you're, you're like pouring your energy into that channel, and they also have access to your energy. And that is a deficit <laugh>. So what in a nutshell, I'm saying is take a look at your relationships and where are you setting expectations that may be too high, and just give yourself permission to, to say, I'm gonna close that for a couple weeks and see how that changes the way that I feel.
Shelby Barsalou
Um, and you might realize that you have a lot more vitality points <laugh>, because your, your channel isn't open and it's not being disappointed, and it's not being frustrated and it's not being accessed. You know, like, uh, this person that you're having expectations of may not even be intentionally doing anything, but you are being open to being poked by them. And so I'm giving you permission to just pause that expectation and see what happens. Allow yourself to step, step away from that connection for a moment and that expectation and say, what's gonna happen for, for a week if I just close that off? And how much am I gonna regain, um, for myself? And it's so thrilling. I'm gonna tell you, it's wor it works. <laugh>, I feel like
Shelby Barsalou
You're speaking directly to me right now, Shelby, I've been doing that. I recently closed off different relationships to just focus on myself. And that has felt like an a, a large, like my bank account is just going up and up and up. I have all this currency to spend. I have energy is your currency. I have so much energy to spend on projects that I have been putting off. And nice. I started painting again, and I'm really focused on what do I need to be my best, most full, empowered self so that I can give that to others instead of operating from a place of feeling compromised. I wouldn't even say I've been that depleted, although I did get sick. And so that doesn't point to overworked or stressed de you know, <laugh> situation.
Shelby Barsalou
You're also healing. You're, you're in the process of healing.
Shelby Barsalou
And what an interesting thing and how it came to, like, how I felt like I did run myself down a little bit. I gave away too much of my energy and I got sick. And I definitely relate that to my immune system being depleted. And therefore I was more susceptible to getting sick.
Shelby Barsalou
And the universe always has wonderful ways of reminding you, you know, I, I've been exactly like, if I stubbed my toe, I'm like, okay, slow down. What's going on, Shelby? You know, <laugh>. So little things like that. But I think you're speaking really to your sacred self, you know? Yes. And your sacred self deserves to be honored, deserves to be loved, deserves to be seen as sacred. Um, we were just chatting about, uh, how in many religions and cultures over the past thousands of years, it's been a really detrimental view of, of your body. You know, it's a sinning body. It's a greedy body. It's, um, lusty body,
Alicia Love
All these material things. Yeah. Yeah.
Shelby Barsalou
And it's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. It is a sacred body. I am, I am sacred. And what I feel is deserves to be honored. And so self-worth, self-value, your body is sacred. Um, it really, it really comes out when I start to feel, uh, down about myself. And then what, what did we do as a culture? We, we eat, uh, junk food, or we drink a lot, or we take in substances. Not so much over here, but you know, it's like we, um, we cause harm when we're already low. And, and I, I would love if we could start to really hone into that we, we deserve more, you know, and, and this is a cautious word I'm saying, but like entitled, we are entitled our bodies. We each have, we are the main character in our stories. And the main character deserves a little bit of love, <laugh>, <laugh>, and a little bit of depositing into, and a and a little investment into. And so as we, we walk through our day and say, yes, I am going to choose to take that yoga class for me, you know, I am going to choose to stop and drink a glass of water while I'm looking at the sun or the view, or do you know what I'm saying, Alicia?
Alicia Love
It can be basic. It doesn't have to be expensive, you know? Mm-hmm. <affirmative> a big course or a Yeah, like a membership to a gym or something. It can be a walk outside. It can be mm-hmm. <affirmative>, you know, sitting down with a glass of water and meditating on the purity of that water and the gratitude that we have for that. And, and you're talking about valuing ourselves and shifting that consciousness, uh, almost like a poverty consciousness of like, I don't deserve it. Or not seeing the value in, um, the way we're being treated if it's at a job or in a relationship. And it speaks to boundaries. It speaks to knowing your self worth and honoring yourself, and being able to dece to see the difference where the line is between putting out your energy and giving it away and reserving your energy or putting it back into your own bucket.
Shelby Barsalou
And one of the mm-hmm. Energetic, um, archetypes for us women, especially, we can say the masculine as well, but the queen archetype is when you stand in your own sovereignty and your own value, and you say, yes, I deserve my own energy. It's not saying I'm entitled and deserving to your energy or to anyone else to do stuff for me, but I am entitled and deserving of my own sacred, energetic sphere to be intact, to be nourished by myself. And we have such an abundance, mother nature and the world around us has such an abundance of joy and value and energy to give to us that it doesn't have to come from any one specific person or anything in that realm. The queen stands in her empowerment that she can power up herself, right? Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And this is that value that we can then come back to and lean on.
Alicia Love
And, and for the men, you know, it's the king archetype. It's that same like, I rule over what I create and mm-hmm. <affirmative>, I don't rule over others. This is not a domination and control. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> dynamic. This is, and I've been working with this for the last six months or more. It's been a huge shift for me. And Shelby, when you and I were talking about this topic, you mentioned the queen. You're like, I'm a queen. I can buy myself things. I can feel that. And that's because you can give that energy back to yourself. And whether those things are physical and you can afford them, and maybe it's something, you know, expensive and beautiful and wonderful, or maybe it's just something really simple, like you find a feather and you're able to put that on your altar. And you see the universe is gifting you something that then represents something to you. Right? Um, and yes, those things come to us at the right moments
Shelby Barsalou
Yes. To reinforce. And I wanna, I wanna add in that for me at least, um, this archetype, I stand strong in my pillar of light. Alicia, you talk about this all the time in your meditations. But having the crown and the root open and available to receive the mother earth and grandfather sky, or the cosmos, or heaven, whatever you wanna call, God, God, this energy can flow through me. And by doing that, I am lit up. I am empowered. I know how to source. You know, I'm not reaching to another relationship. I, I'm in a, in a, the relationships that I have right now are co-creative. They're not co-dependent. They're co-creative. Because I know I source my own self. And in that I feel as though I am my own queen. And I love what you said, I am not the queen over others. I am the queen of myself.
Shelby Barsalou
You know? And, and so it is with ease that I see something beautiful. And if my bank account has money, I'm like, I am gonna get that for myself. And that will bring me joy. It will bring me, um, a sense of beauty. It will just bring, it will raise my energy or raise my frequency. And it is not through ego or greed that I do those. It's just en enhancement to my energy field. And I love it so much. And, and a lot of times, like we had, we shared earlier, it's like the stones that you buy, you know, that energetic frequency will really enhance you. Whether it's a tiger's eye or a Malachi or whatever. It resonates with your energy field. So empowering yourself through the gifts of the planet, um, let's go, let's do it. That's okay.
Shelby Barsalou
<laugh>,
Shelby Barsalou
You know, and you deserve It. You deserve it. So if, if your budget doesn't allow you to go buy a, a brand new malachite necklace, then like, Alicia, you just said, walk in nature and see what nature's offering you. It might be a beautiful Turkey feather. It might be a beautiful, um, quartz rock that you find on the beach. You know? So, um, allow yourself to receive the gifts that, that you deserve.
Alicia Love
Absolutely. And shifting a little bit,
Shelby Barsalou
Sure,
Alicia Love
You can only love others as much as you love yourself. And flip that when you feel like people are not re giving to you. And you, you spoke earlier, of reciprocity, of that energy, of giving and receiving in a co-creative dynamic. And if you are in a relationship with someone that can't see you for your value, doesn't want to give to you, or doesn't seem like they want to give you the energy that you deserve or are asking for, then this phrase of people can only love you as well as they love themselves. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> is so helpful to understanding this. So we're talking about ourselves, but now we're also talking about others and seeing people for where they're at. And recognize
Shelby Barsalou
And seeing, seeing yourself for where you're at. Do you love yourself enough to receive the love that you want? Cuz you might be stomping your foot and saying, I wanna be loved. I wanna be loved, but really, do you love yourself?
Alicia Love
Yeah. Would you be able to receive the love if it actually showed up? And I think that we're more magnetic to the lesson of that. And so some more likely someone will show up that doesn't love themselves enough to show you the love you deserve. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Therefore, you're gonna have to say, Nope, here's the boundary. I love myself too much. I deserve more. I deserve better. And in that way, see that that person needs to go take care of themselves and fill their own cup before they have the excess, um, to give, you know, that disposable energy to be abundantly giving mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And that's because they're taking care of themselves, right? Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. So we're speaking to taking care of ourselves in a way that increases our ability to share more with others. And then those people will be magnetically attracted to you.
Shelby Barsalou
Okay. Oh, yeah.
Shelby Barsalou
So, so
Yeah. And I can speak from my heart right now. Um, it's an interesting process of, I'm, I am falling deeply in love and I am thrilled to bear witness to it. I, I had no idea what this was really authentically gonna feel like. And, um, it's, and you, you guys know me and Alicia well enough that like, we're pretty, we're, we love our, we love ourselves. But here I am, like in this challenge of receiving the love that my beloved is giving me. It's not always easy cuz I'm like, oh, you really are giving this love to me unabashedly. It's not courted, it's just authentic. And I am checking in with myself and going, oh, I'm a little guarded here. I'm, I'm not being as vulnerable as I could be. You know? And I'm giving myself permission to like, ease into this. It's, you know, that's why it's following in love.
Shelby Barsalou
You don't like slam down <laugh> <laugh>. It's a gentle fall. Um, but it's not an easy process. So give yourself permission to take a day at a time to honor that you are sacred and that you are a deserving and, um, that you are the, the key player in this life of yours. And, and when that person does step into your life and you do have resonance, um, just witness yourself, witness witness at all. And that's what, that's what my beloved and I are doing. We're just, we're both feeling the same. Like, we're both in awe kind of a lot of times. And, and we cry a lot, <laugh> and in wonderful, in like wonderful ways. We're just like, wow, this is magnificent. Wow, this feels so good. But we're both like, we don't really know how to do it yet. We're, we're, we're still learning. And it's a wonderful place to be. So, um,
Alicia Love
Do you wanna speak to presence versus future planning? Yeah. Especially around that.
Shelby Barsalou
Yeah. Yeah. So, uh, this is some of the work I do at Judy, and we were just, uh, she was helping me understand that my past, like 15 years of my life have, there's been a little bit of survival, you know, a little bit of, um, like trauma reactions. And so in my life I've been planning ahead, planning ahead. How am I gonna do this? How am I gonna feel safe and secure? And we're both recognizing that I am, I've done it. So celebrate spirit fingers. Um, I've arrived at this place of, um, success. My gymnastics school is a success. I own my home. Like there's a, there's a, I've landed and I can now be in a place of spontaneity. I can be in a place where my soul can truly come out and have less, like I, I, how am I supposed to say this? Um, <laugh>. I can just be more present instead of constantly planning. The planning is a, is a trauma, is it? Uh, what do you uh,
Shelby Barsalou
Trauma response.
Oh, trauma response. Yeah. Because you have to feel safe somehow when you don't feel safe. And I'm not trying to say that I was in an unsafe situation ever, but, you know, it's this level of I've got children and how am I supposed to support them? And that kind of situation, which I know many of us find ourselves in. Yeah.
Alicia Love
So there's emotional security as well as physical security. Yeah. And I think one of the things you're talking about is that, um, inner security.
Shelby Barsalou
Yeah, yeah.
Shelby Barsalou
And being able to be present fully
Shelby Barsalou
In the human and, and really allow the universe to, to bring things to my table. And I will notice them, you know, it'll cross my path. I'll notice it, and I'll be able to act on it. It's not something I planned on doing, but it will bring me more authenticity to what my true soul path is, to what my true destiny is. Why was I born at this time on this planet in, you know, new England? Why was I <laugh> why? And and then the universe can be like, oh, here's why. Here's why. Here's why. Here's why. You know, now that you've settled, now that you've got that, um, going back to the, the, the big deposit in my bank account, you know, I have a, a strong sense of what's going on with me energetically. Um, and I'm still working on it. My goodness.
Shelby Barsalou
<laugh>, aren't we all, aren't we? Aren't we all? Yes. We're not saying we're enlightened. We're definitely on the path just like
Shelby Barsalou
Everyone else on the path. Witnessing a lot of witnessing, witnessing myself and, and in this new relationship witnessing, um, my patterns of like relaxing, like my love is like a cat. He lays in the sunshine and just is content. And I'm like, how do you do that? <laugh>, <laugh>? How do you stop moving and going and, and planning? And, and you know, and I'm, so I'm recognizing this in myself that I can let go of this like survivalist mentality and I can settle into the present moment a lot more. And you receive more gifts that way. I truly believe that.
Alicia Love
So, and I believe that's really linked to feeling a trust in the divine. There's that mastery of trust. When we can trust ourselves to make the present moment decision that's best for us, then our future self will thank us. Mm. You don't have to project into the future and be planning so, so much. I mean, I'm working on a business plan right now for, uh, you know, next year's how it's gonna look. And there is a masculine structure and organization that needs to happen. And then there's a feminine intuitive presence that receives the wisdom from the divine trusts, the divine's guidance, and that there will be guidance, that there won't be a time where I feel completely lost and have no signs. You know, like I have this sense of inner security now mm-hmm. <affirmative>, and it's, it's in a, I feel like we're both in a new place with that.
Alicia Love
We've come over to the other side instead of it being what this general culture focuses on, striving for external validation and achievement, and everything is so directed towards what other people think and the status of things and what we're doing differently for our lives. And maybe this is, you know, feeling it resonate for you and notice this pattern shifting in your life as well, is that sense of inner safety. Inner security comes from knowing that you can make healthy choices for yourself based on how you spend your energy. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And that's what brings abundance. I try to teach my teenager that it's not about the money that we have and the allowance that I give him and all the, oh my gosh, they're into so much fashion and expensive clothes right now. And I'm just like, oh,
Shelby Barsalou
Shoes <laugh>.
Alicia Love
Seriously, it's about shoes and pants and oh my gosh, everything. So I, I try, I continually bring him back to a sense of value and wealth coming from joy. And yes, they, as teenagers gain joy from looking in the mirror and seeing themselves exactly how they want to see themselves mm-hmm. <affirmative> with their clothing and style and
Shelby Barsalou
Everything. Well, so do I, I just got a new pair of jeans and I was like, yeah, these look great <laugh>.
Alicia Love
So there's, you know, it's a paradox. It's such an interesting paradox. So can we hold both to be true? That I value myself when I look in the mirror, I adorn myself with beautiful things and clothing that makes me feel good. And that's not the core essence of my value. My value comes from within. My value comes from how much I fill my vitality. And, um, there was an astrologer I used to listen to all the time that would say, your wealth is in your health. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> always, always, your wealth is in your health. So where is your wealth is, I know Shelby, you and I have a very similar value towards joy and that our wealth is in joy most of the time.
Shelby Barsalou
My smile,
How much joy we can spread to the world also shows how abundant we are in joy. So I was sick for the last couple of weeks and I went out in the world yesterday for the first time, and I just got the most wonderful response. I did my hair kind of different. It was just cute, like in little buns on the top of my head, like Leia.
Oh yeah. Nice.
And people were like, and I'm smiling and I'm so happy to be out of the house. And, and, this woman I went and had a meeting with was like, I just love how much joy you bring. And I thought, yeah, that's cuz that's, that's my value. I I value joy so much that this is part of what I feel my worth. And, uh, I, I stayed up late last night watching a movie that made me laugh. I was gonna pause it and go to bed early and I just was laughing so much that I thought, this is valuable to my immune system.
Shelby Barsalou
Yeah. This is valuable to my soul. So I, yeah, I finished, it was just a giggly fun movie. So that's, you know, one of those What's your value? What do you value?
Let's, I used to say to myself, it doesn't matter so much what I'm wearing, because once I smile my outfit's wonderful. You know, like, I really way to think that. I remember years ago my, because I was kind of a snowboarder like, you know, baggy clothes and my mom was like, you're really gonna wear that? I'm like, yeah, but I'm still smiling. Like you can see my radiance through whatever clothes I'm wearing, you know, <laugh>. But I will say that being in my body now where I feel very centered and content and I'm filling my cup, it gives me more pleasure to, to put on that scarf and that cute little jacket. And like, it's just like I, I want to kind of chas through life, you know, skipping through life <laugh> because, you know, and just it changes you. Um, but I wanted to clarify something that we, we were chatting about a minute ago about planning, because I just went through this wonderful, um, I don't what you call it situation with, with Judy where she wanted, to plan more meetings with me.
Shelby Barsalou
And I thought it was just like her wanting to be more on a schedule and she finally said, Shelby, it's you, your energy's asking for this. And you know, so sometimes my energy's a little ahead of my consciousness. <laugh> <laugh>. And I was like, oh. And, and then it helped me understand that it was about valuing myself and that if I know that every three or four weeks I have an appointment with Judy and we're gonna talk about the things that have been coming up, I'm investing into myself. So when that stuff comes up and it's only week two, I can say, Shelby, put that over there because in a week you're gonna get to talk to Judy and process that. And it gives me, it just gives me, um, the sense that I care about myself. I care about how I'm walking my through my day and what's going on and, and what's coming at me.
Shelby Barsalou
And that I will give myself the time to process that and, and look at it from, you know, a different perspective, an energetic, spiritual perspective. And once that hit me, I was like, all right, I'm gonna pay you for 10 sessions. Let's get these on the books. This is wonderful plan. And so it's not the same. Like you can't plan your life. Like, you don't have to live in spontaneity forever. You know, I'm not trying to say that. I'm just saying that investing in yourself and, um, putting things on the books. Like, like when Alicia and I wanted to come back and, and would do the recordings, right? We were like, let's plan this every other week. We're gonna do this. Like, this is an investment to the two spiritual mamas and this is so important to us and we always feel so much better when we chat and do these recordings.
Shelby Barsalou
<laugh> so valuable to us. Oh my gosh, you
Guys, thank you. So thanks everyone. Thank you <laugh>. Yeah. <laugh>,
Thank you for listening to us. Maybe last topic or last couple of topics you mentioned, um, asking yourself if it's selfish or if it's self-care or maybe you, you said self-care and I was like, oh yeah, we wanna talk about that concept of being selfish because there's, it's such a struggle for so many of us, especially moms, and I know anybody who has a sense of responsibility to others. Also, we feel like we're being selfish if we're taking time for ourselves or spending money on ourselves. You know, I give my son my, allow his allowance. Do I give myself an allowance to also spend how I might freely want to, to bring me joy?
Shelby Barsalou
Remember, your allowance is the age that you are. So make sure you jack that up. Okay. <laugh> <laugh> multiplied by Years of experience.
Alicia Love
So, I had a conversation a couple weeks ago about this topic of being selfish versus self-care. And I actually looked up multiple definitions and the, the root, the original definition, and we've changed it over the years, but the original definition of being selfish is more like what we currently say self-care. Because being selfish is being focused on yourself. And we're saying that's a good thing. Yes, this is where we need to prioritize more, not at the expense of others. But that's a really blurry line if you are seeing someone suffering because you say no, cuz you have a boundary and you're being selfish or self-care around what you need and not giving them what they need. It's like, well, based on a system of value and knowing that we all are our own sovereign beings and we all are empowered to take care of ourselves.
Shelby Barsalou
Recognizing sometimes when someone has an expectation of you, I mean, we sort of talked about this at the beginning, if there are pulls on your energy or hooks into your energy or cords into your energy that you feel like if you don't give to that person because maybe you do have a commitment to them or, um, you've always done it this way. And that is a much more codependent mentality that you are being selfish by not honoring that agreement or not continuing with that pattern. And what we're saying is check in with yourself. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> feel into your field of energy, your values and, and look up a list of values. There's so many wonderful websites and nonviolent communication. N VC offers the feelings and needs list that has a whole, um, essentially the needs are the things that you value and what you deserve bec based on your energy and what you need.
Shelby Barsalou
And those things are self-care. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, those are the ways that we energetically are tending to ourselves. And if you're not tending to someone else, you might have a belief that you are responsible for someone else's feelings. That's me right here. Uh, feeling like you're responsible for when we have our children, they are our dependents and we have a family dynamic and there's certain agreements that we, you know, maybe one person is a stay-at-home mom and you have a partner that makes money for the family and there's an agreement there that's mutual. That's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about codependency. Like, um, and I love the book Conscious Loving for the explanation of that because they talk about the need for, um, it to be mutually beneficial versus being dependent on like, I, I'll stay small. If you don't do that thing or if you keep drinking, then I can keep drinking. And those co-dependencies that are depleting to both parties because you're not in your most vi vital self and tending to your energy field. So I hope we've made this sort of a clear picture. Um, was there anything else we wanted to talk about today?
Shelby Barsalou
I just wanted to, and I've said this in past episodes, um, that we all have permission to step aside of, of something that, like what you're saying, you're, you're getting a a maybe you get a sticky feeling in your throat when you're in, in next to somebody and you're having conversation or it's in your heart like, or maybe in your, um, first or second chakra. You know, if you're feeling those things and you wanna make a change. My, you know, cuz we've all had, um, abandonment stuff like, be be gentle if you can be kind. If you, if you can do this, you know, if it's, you know, it's just really hard to cut cords. You know, it's really important to just like, this is what I'm trying to say is, is tie the cord off and let the pulse lessen a little bit and see how that feels to you.
And if you're feeling more vitality for your own, your own presence, if, if that just makes you feel differently, then you can start to, um, do the work for yourself. And, and I'm not saying that you have to talk to this person and say, I'm gonna cut the cord from you and we're not gonna have this relationship. Like, you don't always have to do the work with the other person. You can do the work on your own and just change the relationship from your end. You don't have to cut off the relationship necessarily, but you change the way that you react to it. You change the way you expect from it. You make these gentle changes on your side. And they might be a little confused for a bit of like, why am I not able to tap in and why am I not able to get this feedback from this person anymore? But if you're not gonna give it, then that's just, they have to accept that at some point. And so with kindness to yourself and to the other, I just invite you to, you know, the changes don't have to be dramatic where everyone's like, holy crap.
Alicia Love
You know? Right. It doesn't have to be violent. I love that you're bringing in that compassion to just be gentle with yourself and be kind to another, you know, we're, we're all treating each other like we are sacred and
Shelby Barsalou
Yeah, I was just gonna say, be the observer. Be the sacred observer instead of reactor <laugh> <laugh>. Because think about a reaction that takes so much energy. An observer is, is a calm presence. Um, and so invite yourself to try it out and then observe yourself, how do I feel differently? Um, and reclaim some of that, um, energy, some of that, what the heck did we call it? Disposable <laugh> energy. <laugh> reclaim it for yourself. Give it back to yourself. And I promise you, you guys, like, if your light is not bright, how are, how are we gonna enlighten this world? You know, this is our responsibility. No one's gonna light the light for you. You have to light your own light. So doing the work for yourself and, and making these subtle changes and awarenesses and observations is, is the way to go. I don't know any other way to go. Um, but it's been working for me. <laugh>. Yeah. I watch it work for you, you know, so, um, keep it up.
Alicia Love
Yeah. I'll, I'll wrap around this beautiful bow of preciousness and recognizing that life is so precious. This is such a gift to be here together, specifically with you right now, Shelby. Yes. In this present moment and also every day that we get to wake up and see the sunshine every day. That we get to love our loved ones every day. That we get to share our abundance and our extra and our overflowing cup with the world just to make the world a better place and mm-hmm. <affirmative>,
Shelby Barsalou
Um, and watch the planet. Yes. <laugh>.
Shelby Barsalou
Yes. Yes.
Alicia Love
<laugh>. Absolutely. I will make one last book recommendation, uh, the Untethered Soul by Michael Singer. I was recently reminded about chapter 17 because he talks about contemplating death as the best teacher of life. And that it's such a paradox and we talk about paradoxes a lot. And if we treat every day like it's precious because it might be our last, every person that we see that we value ourselves and we value them. Like it's, it's goes both ways for sure. We have to be in the world like we see the value in others as well. That's a whole nother episode. Hmm. Probably. But coming from the perspective that we own and put that crown on our heads as the kings and queens of our own lives, that we know that we are precious, we are valuable, we are worthy of all that we can give ourselves, and therefore then we have this abundance to give and connect with others. Every word out of our child's mouth. Even if they're not kind like this might be the last time we see them, they leave off to go to school and who knows what's gonna happen every day. I feel like I am just so grateful for the preciousness of this life and that perspective is one that fills my cup so much.
Shelby Barsalou
Absolutely. I love you so much, darling <laugh>. I
Alicia Love
Love you too. And we love all of you. We welcome your comments and your conversations. Please reach out to us and let us know what you think about this concept and how you show value to yourself. If we didn't touch on that, then please help us to expand the conversation.
Shelby Barsalou
Absolutely. Thanks for chatting, Alicia.
Alicia Love
Yep. Have a beautiful day.
Shelby Barsalou
Walk gently, <laugh>. Love you. Bye.