Welcome to the mindful musings of two spiritual mamas. We are Alisha and Shelby. Here to share our 20 years of authentic friendship, life experiences and acquired wisdom. infused with love and intention, our episodes will inspire those who are ready to shift their soul path into alignment with its divine purpose.

We will discuss alternative approaches to life's traditional pathways, leaving you with tools in your spiritual toolbox to navigate everyday moments. Knowing and embodying the empowered self on a daily basis is one of the most valuable practices you can adopt. Understanding that you are surrounded by a network of support, both physically and spiritually will carry you into the next phase of your divine purpose.
You are not alone on this journey. 

We recognize we're on a spiritual path. navigating our day to day lives and in this podcast will share with you our organic thoughts as we grow and blossom together. Welcome to Episode Four with two spiritual mamas I am Alicia. And I am Shelby. And today we're talking about restructuring boundaries. And what does that mean?

Boundaries boundaries is such a huge topic. It's boundless, but to be bounded when you initially hear that I know my throat tightens right up and I have some past life, the body memories. But today, we want to shift that mindset about a boundary, we want to bring it into a healing light, bring it into a sense of sovereignty of reclaiming that which is yours, that which you own that which you can say, this is my space, you know, just like in Dirty Dancing, this is my space, and no one can come into it. 

I think most the most important thing to understand about boundaries is you know, we have we have physical boundaries all around us, we have land boundaries, you know, I've got a beautiful acreage where I can assume and trust that people will honor that, that is the land that I am the steward of at this time, and no one's going to come in hang out on my land unless they have permission. 

We have those boundaries inside of our own bodies, you know, and a lot of times in a lot of places, those have been violated. So today, we really want to bring you some ideas, some tools to stand in your own space so that your boundaries are clear to others, you know, and it's not just a physical boundary, but definitely an energetic boundary.

Yes, having clarity around your boundaries, and empowering yourself really comes through the third chakra and understanding your personal power. And it's an inner strength. And a lot of times we weren't taught how to have healthy boundaries. And so I certainly have been on a life journey of understanding boundaries for many, many, many years, I said, I don't really understand boundaries. And I've been in relationships that have shown me that in multiple ways, we'll dive into all of this. It's a big topic we'll be we'll be making multiple episodes about boundaries. 

Today, we're really gonna bring an awareness to understanding these boundaries and how to recenter yourself in this ever changing world, right? We're all growing and adapting so quickly. There's so much change going on, that I know for me in all the relationships of my life, it is a goal for me to update people in my life, where with where I am currently, and that is a boundary restructuring. 

A lot of times, absolutely, like paradigm shifts are happening all over the place. And I'm going to bring it way down. I know I love to use closet references. But think about that you probably do not wear the same clothes that you wore 20 years ago. So why would you hold on to the same standards of boundary setting. So this is something that I like to look at constantly. 

And like Alicia just said, update not only your people in your life but yourself and say this felt really good to me this relationship or maybe this job. Five years ago, I was stoked to join this this. Let's say it's a job. I was stoked to be a part of this team. But now As I've grown and learned and shifted and taken a look at who I am and what my sole purpose is, it's not jiving with me anymore. So I have to restructure my boundaries. 

And that's okay, so do this unapologetically. Everybody do this with empowerment. with kindness, as I always like to say that later, yeah, gratitude, sorry to cut you off there. That's okay. But I think the first step in that exactly what you were saying is giving yourself permission to re realign with your life recenter and, and listen and feel, what feels right in your life where the energy feels off. And this is where we're going to talk about the energetic sense of boundaries and, and how to feel into Where 

Where does your boundary end, we know our physical skin is a boundary, right? I understand physical violence, and I understand violation and I understand a boundary there. That's obvious, but an energetic boundary and emotional boundary. That was a lot less clear to me. And I got myself into some abusive relationships, because I didn't see them as abusive. I didn't recognize that they were crossing over this energetic line. And and so that was my number one that I helped people with, I think is to see clearly where you are energetically feeling good in your life and what you're happy with and, and what needs of renegotiating

Hmm, that's a great word we negotiate. And recognizing there's going to be a ton of our E words to read this read that read. Yes, yes, yes. Redefining, you know, what does a healthy positive relationship feel like to you? You know, we've already talked to you guys about instincts and intuition, when your body has a twinge, that is not a positive twinge recognizing that and saying, Oh, this might not be the relationship that is working, for me, this is not in harmony with my body. 

So I'm not using fear. But just recognizing for clarity sake, this isn't working for me, you know, you don't have to run away from something or someone, but you can just notice and, and be clear, okay, I don't want to have and it takes some real internal strength to encourage to say no, and I don't want that in my life anymore. That's not how I want to operate.

I feel like this is a good place to talk about patterns and some of the archetypes that we find ourselves in, I know a lot of us I, I will speak for myself, I am a rescuer. I, let me say that, again, I used to be a rescuer. And I would find self worth in that pattern, I'd find self worth in that archetype to say, Oh, I have something to offer this person, they have so much potential. I mean, I love seeing potential in everybody. 

So that's, that's easy for me. But then to insert myself into the position of rescuing them from whatever childhood drama or trauma, or whatever financial situation they were in, I would try to help people through that. And that really left me in some interesting relationships, where they weren't feeding, we weren't feeding our souls from our own source. As we talked about, in the intuition and saying yes to you episodes, you have to be your own source. And if, for instance, if I am thinking that I'm fueling somebody else's fire, that's not even fair to them. So they don't have the opportunity to fulfill their own soul contract. Because here I am thinking I'm the one putting the wood on your fire. 

No, no, no, I think that being but you're actually taking the opportunity away from them to help themselves.

Yeah. And, and I will tell you energetically I have gone in internal and I've felt those people like stuck onto me. And it was not easy. I'll leave it at that it was not easy to to peel them off. It was like octopus tentacles. And
it's probably good to describe that feeling a little bit because people might be feeling that in their lives some it's almost like a heaviness you're carrying around with you that's not yours, or like a backpack or a I like the way you said just like something stuck to you like maybe you're wearing a piece of clothing that's not yours, you know, energetically.

Yeah. Well, I have to be honest, I knew that something was off. But it wasn't until I took the energy off of my body or off of my soul. That I I recognized that I had no idea how to breathe without that energy. I had really connected so much with this person. I'm in what I thought was the most beautiful partnership with these great intentions of helping each other. But it was just, it wasn't quite in that right synergy. And I had to really just recognize that. And now that I've developed a healthier relationship with this person, because this didn't mean I had to be like, cut you out, peace out, dude, you're gone. 

It was just I need to restructure my relationship. And remember, my true, my true life's path, your true life's path, beautiful that we came together and held each other up in these great moments, but to breathe on my own, and to allow that other person to breathe. It brought such clarity. And now I have space for me, which is freeing, right think that's one of the benefits of having a clear boundary and understanding is that you can fill up your space so fully, and completely. And it gives you that sense of empowerment and personal power, personal strength, to be you to be fully you and show up in your authentic truth. 

And be honest, and I'm sure with this person you're talking about, and relationship, I know you I know your values and how you love relationships and continuing a relationship with someone, even if it is ending in a certain way. You'd like to continue. And I've been there too out, creating a boundary with someone saying this isn't quite what I want. 

Let's, let's look at it a different way can we agree? And of course, that's one of the number one things I think I would like to say about boundaries is it's great when you're actually renegotiating with someone with clear communication with kindness and compassion, that you're gonna say your truth, you'd like to hear their truth, if it's in kindness and compassion, you know, we can all set the boundary around, being verbally abused, very clearly, I will literally tell someone, if you're going to continue to talk to me like that, I'm gonna walk away with a really clear tone of my voice, but a very calm sense of self like, I won't be spoken to like that, we can talk about this another time, in a different way, that's not working for me, you know, those are boundary words. 

And it's a lot of this conversation is actually about communication, which I love to talk about, it's going to be something we bring up in future episodes, lots and lots of tips around healthy communication. And, and that's one of the things I think, like you're saying to restructure a relationship or reform it, it does take this conceptual communication, and, and, and clearly stating what you want.

So what happens when that's impossible, when the person that you are in communication with or in relationship with is not open to that, that's when things can get tricky. And that's when you I think you can actually hurt yourself more than you realize if you don't properly disengage from their energy. 

So, first step, I would say is recognizing that energy abuse is a thing. You know, people can throw energetic darts at you. You be manipulative, manipulative, you can be you know, you wake up in the morning, the sun is shining, and your brain is already toxic, and you're like what is going on? And that as Judy memoria, our beautiful spiritual midwife has taught me so gracefully, that is representative of a actual cord between two people at an energetic energetic cord and think about this as an umbilical cord. umbilical cords are not meant to be forever, they are meant to be for a time and then they are meant to be clamped, and cut. 

And so having a relationship with somebody is totally different than having an energetic cord, a corded relationship, we could call it with somebody and just identifying that is if you're having troubles with a person, a relationship whether it's in marriage and partnership or at work or even friendship, even with with family, try to recognize is am I having relationship problems? 

Or am I really energetically Do I have an energetic highway between myself and this person? And one of the ways I identify that is just going into my intuition and asking that question. So you just asked it like, this is important to distinguish. I love the word discernment. We are looking at is it a physical thing? Is it an emotional thing? is an energetic and really for me, like you said, even just using the word highway, or cord or chain or bound, I mean, those words if they feel triggering inside your body or if you get an image or a sense of something, follow that intuition. 

Listen to your body, really feel into it. I mean, we do this work with journaling, with coaching and counseling practices, like she said, with our spiritual midwife. And it's a process to work through and untangle. And you do get into the belief systems and the paradigms and the ancestral work. I mean, this is a big topic to unpack.

It's gigantic, my brain is spinning right now. Like, oh, we have to talk about so many things. We'll get back to a lot of those things. I love that word entangle. And I love the word clamping, you know, that is something that God has taught us so, so carefully and strongly all at the same time that to cut something, is that's what I was talking about earlier, when I said you can damage yourself. 

Think about that, if you just cut ties with somebody, there's gonna be some blood, there's going to be some leaking of energy on your part, their part. And that is the pitcher right now my mind is like, not so good. So you're ready to calamp You're ready to take that pulse, and simmer it down. And then sit inside of that and recognize, okay, how does this feel? Oh my gosh, I'm Reclaiming my brain. I don't have that much chatter. Oh my gosh, I'm not having that feeling in my heart. 

Like, a lot of times, these cords can be between our hearts because we love so deeply. We this is the beauty of being a human right, you can love so, so beautifully. And you want to be careful, you don't want to cut a cord that's connected to your heart. You know, you want to clamp that. Feel the results. Take your time with it. 

Do your journal work, consult with your gurus and your people. And in time, as as it doesn't realize it will just fall off. You know, maybe you do need to cut it. Alicia, I know you're you're jonesing to talk.

I'm like oh, there's so much good stuff to talk about here because this is the heart this is the realm that I live in. And and I've been there I've actually energetically done it the the ineffective way more harmful way. I'm so glad you're talking about this. And and I do believe that our hearts can be connected. Right? It can be a flow. I mean, I love you my heart is connected to you. 

But is it corded in a bound in kind of way? A lot of times when I see not us know because we've we've been working through these, when I look internally to understand what a corded energy feels like to certain person. And I've worked through many of these. 

And process work is sometimes for me, they look like a electrical plug, like I'm plugging in. Or Usually people are plugging into me and draining me like like they're taking my electricity, they're taking my vitality, and sometimes the unplug. It's not a cutting because it was theirs put into me like some places. And I think this is from our belief systems through our upbringing, that we have places where people plug into us that they can plug into us because it's like, I'm wearing a light socket. electrical outlet right here on my heart Sure, plug right into it. Like I lived many years of my life, not knowing that that wasn't a good thing. 

Just letting people know that the heart is so amazing, and so expansive and there's so much you can give I know we talked about this before in a different episode, that like overflowing cup and giving from the saucer cup should always and that's how my heart and my energy that flows from my heart feels in relationship. There's this abundance I want to give. It's not coming from a well now because I've processed similar archetype to you with the rescuer. 

Not trying to rescue but there's this aspect of when you are unplugging cord cutting, whatever you want to call it. There's an aspect of letting go with non attachment to an outcome that is so vitally important to your own health and, and being able to move on and not everybody. I think you started this part of the conversation by asking like what if somebody doesn't want to let you go or what if they're unhappy with your reframe or you know what If it's not going so well on the other half of that relationship that you're trying to work through, and I've been there, I can say, the people that have been able to consciously relate to me and understand me where I'm, like, who I am and what I'm going through how I'm restructuring internally, and what I've recently come to a new belief about, or something, the level of kindness and respect that I've gotten from, like my current partner, when we reframed our relationship, how he stuck with and, and really saw me, it made me want to continue relating with him in a really beautiful way. 

Whereas in the past, I've had ex boyfriends ex husbands, that have taken it really badly that I wanted to change our relationship, maybe to friendship, I would have wished and love to stay friends with many of my past partners, I chose them because they were wonderful people. Why was it that they couldn't handle it, and they didn't want to move forward with me? Well, we all have our ego wound issues, and you know, so some people, you just can't really work through some of that stuff within you do need to be firmer and more direct, and just accept, this is you, this is me, we're gonna go our separate ways.

And I, there's so many things I want to say right now. But it does come down to having faith in your life's path in your soul contract, knowing that a person can definitely come into your life for a short time. And they are that catalyst for a life lesson. And of course, we're only in charge of our own life lessons. So you hope that they learn their part. But please remember, and again, this is something God has taught us, you are empowered to learn the lesson. 

You're part of it and the other person. That's not up to you if they learn it or not. And that's okay. If they don't, you can still say I got it. Moving on, moving forward, seeing the brighter colors, you know, like it's, it's that I think, is where I got a little bit stuck in my early years was, what can't you see? Don't you want to see it this way? Because it's so beautiful, like, and instead it was met with a reaction or a shadow side of an archetype or a no, yeah, I don't want to see your way. And not necessarily about my way but like seeing well, that's a whole nother episode.

Your opportunity.

But don't the life lesson, the big the big picture lesson. And that's heart a lot of people just haven't been there yet. But But whoa, and blessings and blessed Hallelujah to the people that do because that's so exciting. And in entering into partnership, whether like you and I, we have this beautiful back and forth that we can share. I don't even want to call them criticisms, but be like, Yo, girl, you know, you gotta bring that down a little bit. And that's like, well, thank you.

You know why I think we have a relationship like that is because we believe in each other, we have the highest regard for each other. And that's the type of, you know, partnership relationship I look for whether it be my you know, marriage type partner, or business partners or, you know, even family of origin, maybe it's a little bit more like soul family, that you get to choose those people that are resonating in the same way and and can see your highest good and wish that for you. I learned a word recently. It's called Compersion.

Okay, tell me tell me. I know, right?

I don't think I've shared it with you. So do compassion is the desire to see someone living their best life getting their best out of any experience having the best experience whatever. I do think true, authentic teachers have that they want to see you live your best life, right? And in relationships, we want to have as much Compersion as possible instead of expectation or control. And I think having our boundaries set and having people in our lives that respect those boundaries means that they wish the best for us. And we wish the best for that. Right? So that's like the ideal world.

You know what I was happening? My brain is the word competition is getting like squished to be Compersion. And yeah, this is happening. And with that conversion model, we're all just raising each other up and I get so excited. I talked about this. This is where I get really excited everybody about weaving the tapestry of absolute oneness where we are all in our brightest light and supporting each other, mirroring each other witnessing each other. Again with the pompoms Go girl go guy, be be all that you can be. So that we can all rise up together. 

I have body chills right now. Okay,
I like that. Raise the roof dancing over here on the other side. Like I just want to chime in Yes, yes, yes. This is this is our wish for the world and this is our wish for your energetic boundaries to be able to uphold that and share that and, and wish for everybody to feel great in their energetic body. And, and yeah, so, so good. So I
think I want to talk about when you come across somebody, I mean, I have I come across people I do not know all the time, and I'm not prepared for their energy, you know, I try to I try to wake up and set my own personal boundary, fill it with positive reinforcement of I've got this I'm capable, I'm beautiful and spectacular. 

But sometimes, you know, I'm caught off guard. And what I learned to do is not to match them, but to witness and to be like, oh, whoa, I see a person who isn't quite in charge of their batteries. And they are maybe trying to they've got their their extension cord like Alicia painted for us. They're trying to plug in to me. And and I'm like dodging oh look at you trying to plug into me right now. But I'm going to just dance a little dance around it like do in the matrix. Do just dodging Yes, just fly by me. That's what I saw. 

That's awesome. Being a witness to people, and then you don't like, imagine if they did plug into you, then it becomes personal because their energy is now intermixing with yours, and it's like, oh gosh, I don't like this, this doesn't feel good. And then I might have a reaction. That's really not mine, because it's not mine. So identifying that being a part of how to I don't want to say the word block. But protect yourself and say I see you. And then you really literally using those words of ICU struggling today, or Oh, this must have been an really interesting day for you. Let me help you so on and so forth, not matching it, not going down into it. And boy, goodness, that's a tough one with old patterns. 

And we're gonna talk about that another episode about how to break old patterns. And so many topics to dive into. There's just like, we're gonna get some brush strokes on boundaries here. Yes, yes. And I feel like we can't talk about boundaries without also talking about vulnerability. And I don't want to go too deep into that topic, either. I think people should look into Brene Brown's work, I've been diving in more on that topic myself very recently. And she talks about taking down the armor, there's a difference between our different kinds of boundaries that we have. And I wanted to say this at the beginning, and I'm glad I'm remembering now to talk about the flow of energy like a river. 

Like the divine flow, like you're flowing through your life and, and the river actually needs a bank, it needs a boundary, it needs a container and a vessel to hold. And so those edges, that boundary is the container of your energy, the container of your energetic field, and you know, our chakras extend out our whole energetic body like someone could, you might feel someone's energy just by being you know, two feet to them because our, our energetic, you know, chakra boundaries co you know, anywhere between three and five feet. It's kind of within the six feet of COVID, social distancing. So you're kind of okay, there.

Isn't that funny? I wonder why this year has been almost liberating in ways because you're asking people not to get within that six feet of you. And so therefore, you're almost having this giant filter all the time of people's energy you're not getting as, I don't want to use the word contaminated. 

But as what's a little softer, you know, you're not getting the harsh, you know, all these different people's energies in your space all the time. We're also not going out and being around people as much which, you know, it's challenging for those of us who are really social or have jobs where we need to be out around people. But I did want to talk about that energetic space that you fill up. And I know that if you go back to listen to episode one, you'll get a lot of our best practices on how to live the most empowered, authentic, wholehearted life that you can live with some spiritual practices that are energetic like this, but like just imagine you've got this bubble around you and one of my spirit actual teachers that I took some workshop courses with helped me to see, see it like a bubble, like a film, not like a wall, right, your boundaries don't have to be super hard. 

But you can allow it to be permeable to good energy and actually resistant, like it would bounce off of you like a trampoline or a bubble to the negative energy. So it's actually really great, especially when you're going out of your home. To set that energetic boundary. Just imagine that bubble of light, your space from your heart and all the way up your spine, filling that energetic bubble, and letting it be yours kind of commanding that space affirming that it's you and that all energy that is yours, be respected. It's sort of like a prayer or a blessing to your day. I know, another one of my teachers actually tells me like she does it as a daily practice every single morning just energetically because there can be those long distance, thought darts or, you know, energy from other people that come into our own personal homes and space, which is another reason why we smudge and clear energy that way. But this is a practice that takes some conscious awareness. And it does take a daily, or moment by moment, affirmation of like, this is me, I'm filling up my space. 

And it really can help us prevent other people from plugging in, and, and taking from us. But one of the things that I acknowledge is that I allow people to take my energy, like I said, I had that electrical outlet just sitting right there ready to be plugged into, there's a lot of ways in which our energy gets drained from us that we're allowing. And it takes speaking to that space within us. And really that introspection and awareness to see where we're leaky.

Leaky, yes. And you bring up the chakras. And I think it's important, we're going to talk about this a lot more in depth, but it's the vibration, it's a frequency of your bubble that you established with that practice you just brought up. And knowing that each of the seven chakras has a certain almost like docking station. For frequency. If you hold your body in those levels, you don't have a docking station. For the mucky levels, you don't have the lower frequency vibrations. So that's it. I mean, that's a whole nother practice of clearing out your chakras because a lot of times we have blocked chakras, and so they're not quite functioning at their highest capacity. 

You know, I think we're actually going to offer workshops on that kind of thing. Yes, it's actually a little bit more personal than just a podcast, we'll definitely talk about it. But. But that's kind of a deeper dive.

Yeah. But being aware that you have an energy system that regulates your frequencies, you have this, this is yours, you don't have to go buy it. You don't have to wait for some Amazon sale or something. It's already yours. And so, right now, as you're listening, you can start to tune in and decide or start to identify and say, Oh, my gosh, how do you feel something sticky? That doesn't feel like mine? Maybe that is in who knows you have your own relationships that you're familiar with. And you could say that I bet that so and so's MK sitting inside of my space. And just again, polite. 

Okay, so you're like, I don't want to be I could just hit some time. Hard. So important.
I could hear somebody being like, ah, girl. But yes, the hard like, I need you to leave. This is my space. No, thank you. You're not welcome here anymore. And again, this is not a dissing of the person. This is just, this is my space. It's like saying, I don't want you on my land right now. I would like to meet you at the coffee shop instead. That's okay. It's okay to set these boundaries. It's okay to claim what you're comfortable with, and what feels right. And by all means, your energetic body space is yours. It is yours and no one else's. So.

Whoa, yeah. Please everyone, give yourself the permission to be in your sovereignty and your space. So importance?

Absolutely. Well, I think that's a nice beginning for us.

Check out our website to spiritual mamas.com and our Instagram for all the extras that we provide. And we reference the books that we talk about, you know, there's a lot you can do on Your Own, if you want to leave a comment, we will personally respond reach out to us. But we also want to empower you. I mean, every, every episode is about empowering you to, to work on these and we're here for you, I just want to say like, this is what our life purposes we're here for this work.

And to add to that you are definitely not alone in this. And I don't mean just that you have your friends and your spiritual mamas, but you have the universe by your side. So if you are hearing this and thinking about a relationship that is not a healthy one, start with you start with manifesting that you want some change, and the universe will begin that process. 

We've talked about this in previous episodes, it doesn't always have to be an actual moment of physical action for things to start changing. And I have story after story, I'm not going to go into one now about when I wanted something to change, and all I did was ask the universe is that I really need this person, this person is too much. It's just not working. But I'm too heart centered to you know, cut them out. And then it just happens naturally. And it's a beautiful process and I make sure to thank the universe and say thank you for orchestrating that that was lovely and a lot less dramatic on my end and they're in. So blessings.

It's a level of trust and trust in the divine say yes, and leaning into that. Like you are not alone. We've got we can do any of this with that spiritual guidance. And sometimes Yeah, just the intention will help the energy shift and the divine takes care of it. And here you go. We wish you all the ease and grace of divine flow in your path. Good luck with the restructuring of your boundaries. There's no luck involved. We're just gonna say call intention and personal power.

Go and, and beautiful words of affirmation. Drink your water.

Blessings on your journey. So much love to you all. We love you all.