WEBVTT 00:00:01.604 --> 00:00:01.985 Hey, what up? 00:00:01.985 --> 00:00:02.587 It's Mark Carter. 00:00:02.587 --> 00:00:03.870 I'm the pastor of Fierce Church. 00:00:03.870 --> 00:00:04.892 Welcome to our podcast. 00:00:04.892 --> 00:00:07.208 I'm so pumped that you're able to join us today. 00:00:07.208 --> 00:00:16.728 I hope this encourages you, inspires you, strengthens you, gives you hope to keep pressing on, and it's my prayer that this sermon gives you a more expansive view of God's love for you. 00:00:16.728 --> 00:00:17.871 Enjoy the message. 00:00:19.100 --> 00:00:22.446 There's a man by the name of Arthur Schopenhauer. 00:00:22.446 --> 00:00:23.068 He's dead now. 00:00:23.068 --> 00:00:26.736 He was alive in the early 19th century. 00:00:26.736 --> 00:00:29.663 He was a philosopher and he was a pessimist. 00:00:29.663 --> 00:00:32.006 You could tell he said this quote. 00:00:32.006 --> 00:00:38.909 He's talking about the human race and how we're all kind of like porcupines that bunch together but then hurt each other. 00:00:38.909 --> 00:00:56.329 The colder it gets outside, the more we huddle together for warmth, but the closer we get to one another, the more we hurt one another with our sharp quills and in the lonely night of earth's winter, eventually we begin to drift apart and wander out on our own and freeze to death in our loneliness. 00:00:56.329 --> 00:01:00.402 Jeez, you can tell Pessimism. 00:01:00.402 --> 00:01:04.929 That name suits him, and there's ways, though, that he's right a little bit. 00:01:04.929 --> 00:01:08.834 You can't be around people for too long without running into somebody else's quills. 00:01:08.834 --> 00:01:13.685 Anybody know what that feels like, and it can be so bad that I don't know that. 00:01:13.685 --> 00:01:17.653 I want to be around more people if there's that kind of danger. 00:01:17.653 --> 00:01:29.209 But thanks to Jesus Christ, jesus Christ has the antidote to other people's quills, and even the antidote to our quills hurting other people, and that is called forgiveness. 00:01:29.710 --> 00:01:31.625 We're going to talk about forgiveness today. 00:01:31.625 --> 00:01:36.643 I want to talk to you about the process of forgiveness and the decision of forgiveness. 00:01:36.643 --> 00:01:38.787 I'm just going to preach until I run out of time. 00:01:38.787 --> 00:01:43.265 This is going to be like let's work it in, man, we're going to massage this thing in. 00:01:43.265 --> 00:01:44.608 So I just want you to open your heart. 00:01:44.608 --> 00:01:48.882 I know that everybody who's watching, everybody who's listening later on, we've all got pain. 00:01:48.882 --> 00:01:54.153 We've all got places that people we didn't expect ended up hurting us. 00:01:54.153 --> 00:02:13.330 We didn't see it coming and now we're kind of angry, now we're kind of hard and we think about them and we harden our heart and we're very you've heard the phrase before and we harden our heart and we're very you've heard the phrase before as we operate in unforgiveness. 00:02:13.330 --> 00:02:17.181 It's kind of like drinking poison hoping someone else will die, and it's poisoning our souls. 00:02:17.201 --> 00:02:17.824 But you've been there. 00:02:17.824 --> 00:02:18.907 You've been hurt by people that were dishonest. 00:02:18.907 --> 00:02:20.993 They didn't take responsibility for the things that they were supposed to. 00:02:20.993 --> 00:02:32.692 They were ones who they just keep doing the same thing over and over and you tell them about it and there's like a maybe a little bit of an I'm sorry, but they don't end up staying sorry because they do it again and again. 00:02:32.692 --> 00:02:37.826 Or maybe maybe you were neglected by them and you didn't, you didn't think you deserve that. 00:02:37.826 --> 00:02:40.012 Or maybe you were rejected by them. 00:02:40.012 --> 00:02:43.365 Or maybe even if you weren't rejected, it feels like you were rejected. 00:02:43.365 --> 00:02:49.819 Maybe they didn't even mean to, but they should have thought about it a little bit deeper and that thing is staying with you. 00:02:49.819 --> 00:02:53.429 Maybe they didn't listen, maybe you just couldn't get them to hear you. 00:02:53.429 --> 00:02:59.792 You tried to get their attention again and again and again, but for some reason their ears just wouldn't open up. 00:02:59.792 --> 00:03:03.021 That's probably true for everybody within the sound of my voice. 00:03:03.021 --> 00:03:04.443 The flip side is also true. 00:03:04.443 --> 00:03:05.903 That's probably true for everybody within the sound of my voice. 00:03:05.903 --> 00:03:06.504 The flip side is also true. 00:03:06.525 --> 00:03:12.610 The truth is, we've done all those things to many people, and often us not even being aware of it necessarily. 00:03:12.610 --> 00:03:18.754 Sometimes we're just carelessly flowing through life, doing our own thing in our own little tunnel, and people get hurt around us. 00:03:18.754 --> 00:03:21.757 Sometimes it's carelessness, sometimes we're just reacting too fast. 00:03:21.757 --> 00:03:30.741 Sometimes it's an emotional outburst, but somewhere along the line you've hurt people and people have hurt you, and that's why we need Jesus's antidote so bad today. 00:03:30.741 --> 00:03:33.366 And here's one of the worst things about it. 00:03:33.366 --> 00:03:47.544 Jesus offers us this help to forgive, but it hurts him so much when we don't take him up on it, because Jesus came to not only forgive us, but to release us, to forgive other people. 00:03:47.544 --> 00:03:51.632 Now the devil, he's not going to miss an opportunity here. 00:03:51.632 --> 00:03:53.322 You're a spiritual enemy. 00:03:53.322 --> 00:03:56.332 He's going to do everything he can to keep you bitter. 00:03:56.332 --> 00:04:11.955 He's going to do everything he can to shut you down and keep you away from the very people, probably, who bring a lot of good into your life If you give them another shot, if you start over with them, maybe he destroys families, he destroys churches. 00:04:11.955 --> 00:04:19.574 He destroys so much through bitterness and unforgiveness and we need to do some deep work. 00:04:19.613 --> 00:04:23.526 Today we're going to start in Matthew 18. 00:04:23.526 --> 00:04:27.113 This is a scripture unit of Jesus teaching about relationships. 00:04:27.113 --> 00:04:31.629 You know he can't get too far without talking about bitterness and unforgiveness. 00:04:31.629 --> 00:04:33.293 Here's your first point Forgiveness is a decision. 00:04:33.293 --> 00:04:40.309 Forgiveness, at the end of the day, guys like it's not just a feeling, it is a decision to forgive. 00:04:40.309 --> 00:04:48.461 It is where we say I'm allowing you to let go of your obligation to do anything to make this up to me. 00:04:48.461 --> 00:04:57.122 I'm deciding you do not have to pay your debt, not about anything, and you'll never have to From here on out. 00:04:57.122 --> 00:04:58.985 I'm removing this from the ledger. 00:04:58.985 --> 00:05:03.163 You are released from ever having to do anything about this. 00:05:03.163 --> 00:05:06.161 Now, what happens when we don't spiritually give Jesus? 00:05:06.161 --> 00:05:07.586 This is the point he wants to make. 00:05:07.586 --> 00:05:09.002 Matthew 21,. 00:05:09.021 --> 00:05:14.572 He's telling the story of a king very similar to the manager we talked about last weekend, but it's a parable. 00:05:14.572 --> 00:05:17.728 And he says Peter starts it off. 00:05:17.728 --> 00:05:21.906 He comes to Jesus and asks Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? 00:05:21.906 --> 00:05:22.930 Seven times. 00:05:22.930 --> 00:05:23.502 Now. 00:05:23.502 --> 00:05:26.884 If anyone has ever tapped your inner Peter, you probably know. 00:05:26.884 --> 00:05:40.423 Sometimes you just say things to sound like you're deep and spiritual and I just imagine I don't know for sure, but I feel like Peter's saying this in front of everyone because, like seven times Lord, because that's a lot, most folks would probably only do three, but I'm Peter and I'll do seven. 00:05:40.423 --> 00:05:48.800 And Jesus is like Peter no, bravo, but no seven. 00:05:48.800 --> 00:05:51.110 And Jesus is like Peter no, bravo, but no, not seven times, but 70 times seven, which just means indefinitely. 00:05:51.110 --> 00:05:52.797 You just keep on forgiving again and again, and again. 00:05:52.797 --> 00:05:55.425 Therefore, the kingdom of heaven he's going to describe the kingdom again. 00:05:55.425 --> 00:06:01.701 The kingdom of heaven can be compared to a king who decided to bring his accounts up to date with servants who had borrowed money from him. 00:06:01.701 --> 00:06:02.983 Very similar to last week. 00:06:02.983 --> 00:06:08.922 Only this the money isn't talents, it's forgiveness In the process. 00:06:09.062 --> 00:06:14.170 One of his debtors, who was brought in, who owed him millions of dollars he couldn't pay. 00:06:14.170 --> 00:06:19.869 So the master ordered that he be sold, along with his wife, his children and everything he owned, to pay the debt. 00:06:19.869 --> 00:06:21.064 Somebody has to pay this debt. 00:06:21.064 --> 00:06:23.425 But the man fell down. 00:06:23.425 --> 00:06:24.468 He couldn't pay. 00:06:24.468 --> 00:06:27.983 So his master or sorry, but the man fell down. 00:06:27.983 --> 00:06:28.303 He couldn't pay. 00:06:28.303 --> 00:06:31.274 But the man fell down before the master and begged please be patient with me and I will pay it all. 00:06:31.274 --> 00:06:39.391 Then the master was filled with pity for him and released him and forgave his debt. 00:06:39.391 --> 00:06:41.519 The master was filled with pity. 00:06:41.519 --> 00:06:42.242 Isn't that amazing? 00:06:42.242 --> 00:06:46.689 Let's just pause for a minute and recognize your God is filled with pity when he sees us. 00:06:46.689 --> 00:07:02.009 It's not like a, like a ew kind of a pity, it is a I see you and there's nothing you can do about your horrible situation, and I know you even caused it, and yet my compassion overflows, god says, and I'm just going to. 00:07:02.009 --> 00:07:04.334 I'll tell you what I'm going to absorb the cost. 00:07:04.334 --> 00:07:09.069 I'm just going to allow you to not have to do anything else about this. 00:07:09.069 --> 00:07:12.809 And he released him and forgave his debt. 00:07:14.420 --> 00:07:18.709 But when the man left the king he went to a fellow servant who owed him a few thousand dollars. 00:07:18.709 --> 00:07:22.050 He grabbed him by the throat and demanded instant payment. 00:07:22.050 --> 00:07:25.761 His fellow servant fell down before him and begged for a little more time. 00:07:25.761 --> 00:07:27.384 Be patient with me and I'll pay it. 00:07:27.384 --> 00:07:28.165 He pleaded. 00:07:28.165 --> 00:07:29.889 But his creditor wouldn't wait. 00:07:29.889 --> 00:07:34.569 He had the man arrested and put in prison until the debt would be paid in full. 00:07:34.569 --> 00:07:38.644 When some of the other servants saw this, they were very upset. 00:07:38.644 --> 00:07:41.420 They went to the king and told him everything that had happened. 00:07:41.420 --> 00:07:49.565 The king called in the man he had forgiven and said you, evil servant, I forgave you that tremendous debt because you pleaded with me. 00:07:49.565 --> 00:07:54.567 Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you? 00:07:54.567 --> 00:08:00.168 Then the angry king sent the man to prison to be tortured until he had paid his entire debt. 00:08:00.168 --> 00:08:07.043 That is how my heavenly father will do to you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters after from your heart. 00:08:08.206 --> 00:08:09.367 Forgiveness is a decision. 00:08:09.367 --> 00:08:12.935 Unforgiveness hurts those in your body. 00:08:12.935 --> 00:08:16.610 Did you notice that when some of the other servants saw this, they were very upset? 00:08:16.610 --> 00:08:19.908 See, unforgiveness doesn't just hurt us, it hurts the people around us. 00:08:19.908 --> 00:08:26.093 It hurts the people that are watching, because when you're growing more bitter, people feel that they see that. 00:08:26.093 --> 00:08:36.390 They see that in your interactions, they see you when that name comes up and how you tense up, how you talk about them and the way that their name is not safe in your mouth, they hear it. 00:08:36.720 --> 00:08:45.831 If you're around young ones, if you've got kids in the house and you've got a bitter household, my friends, don't think for a second that that's not going to affect other people. 00:08:45.831 --> 00:08:46.793 What's it going to do? 00:08:46.793 --> 00:08:51.655 If you've got a very rigid don't anybody do anything wrong against me ever again. 00:08:51.655 --> 00:09:02.070 If you've got that kind of an attitude that's going to lead those around you to have a low estimation of themselves because they're going to know secretly, even though they can't make a mistake around you, they're going to know that they do make mistakes. 00:09:02.070 --> 00:09:10.749 They're just going to be afraid and they're going to be isolating from you because they don't want to make a mistake around you. 00:09:10.749 --> 00:09:18.910 They're going to be afraid always, but they're also going to be those who instantly judge others quicker, because they heard mom or dad do it or they heard brother or sister do it. 00:09:20.801 --> 00:09:27.041 We got to understand that our unforgiveness as understandable as it might be, it definitely hurts other people. 00:09:27.041 --> 00:09:29.886 It robs peace from every place. 00:09:29.886 --> 00:09:41.467 It also I mean, you guys know this you know, when you've been around a really harsh person who doesn't totally know that they're harsh, you know that you tend to like take the other hallway around them. 00:09:41.467 --> 00:09:43.432 You don't draw near to them. 00:09:43.432 --> 00:09:46.542 People dodge them because they're a harsh person. 00:09:46.542 --> 00:09:52.581 And yet there's places we might be a little bit more harsh than we think and people are dodging us. 00:09:52.601 --> 00:09:54.326 Let's talk about what forgiveness isn't. 00:09:54.326 --> 00:09:55.649 It's not agreeing. 00:09:55.649 --> 00:09:57.980 It's not affirming the evil that was done. 00:09:57.980 --> 00:10:01.586 It's not saying that's fine, no, go ahead. 00:10:01.586 --> 00:10:04.312 It's not saying this was good. 00:10:04.312 --> 00:10:06.034 It's not enabling. 00:10:06.034 --> 00:10:07.265 It's not cooperating. 00:10:07.265 --> 00:10:10.629 It's not helping anybody make any further mistakes. 00:10:10.629 --> 00:10:18.293 It's not just pretending that's okay, that's fine, and I know I feel sorry for you, so I'm going to help you. 00:10:18.293 --> 00:10:18.813 Keep doing it. 00:10:18.813 --> 00:10:25.413 Forgiveness doesn't require me to help a person do the same things I've forgiven them for already. 00:10:27.240 --> 00:10:37.376 There's a fantastic scene in Batman Begins where Batman is having the final battle with one of his mentors, ra's al Ghul, and this guy is the one who taught him a lot about fighting. 00:10:37.376 --> 00:10:42.969 But Ra's al Ghul was always telling him hey, bruce, look, man, you've got to be able to kill people. 00:10:42.969 --> 00:10:46.695 If you really want to cleanse the world of evil, you've got to kill them. 00:10:46.695 --> 00:10:51.990 Well, it turns out Ra's al Ghul's the bad guy and Batman's got him down on his back. 00:10:51.990 --> 00:10:55.826 And Ra's al Ghul says Are you finally willing to do it? 00:10:55.826 --> 00:11:01.083 Are you finally able to now go all the way and kill me, because that's what you should do? 00:11:01.083 --> 00:11:01.927 Essentially is what he's saying. 00:11:01.927 --> 00:11:06.144 And Batman, of course, says because you know, batman doesn't kill people, at least the real Batman doesn't. 00:11:06.144 --> 00:11:07.168 He doesn't kill people. 00:11:07.168 --> 00:11:12.230 He says I'm not going to kill you, but I don't have to save you. 00:11:12.230 --> 00:11:14.688 And then he flies out and dies on the train. 00:11:14.688 --> 00:11:16.947 He caused all this problem. 00:11:16.947 --> 00:11:18.794 He causes the problem that kills him. 00:11:19.277 --> 00:11:25.841 Sometimes people in our lives are causing the problems that are killing them, but we stick around for some reason. 00:11:25.841 --> 00:11:29.028 We're trying to save them from that, then allow that train to crash. 00:11:29.028 --> 00:11:31.982 And, my friends, that's not helpful. 00:11:31.982 --> 00:11:32.845 It keeps them from. 00:11:32.845 --> 00:11:33.427 What does it do? 00:11:33.427 --> 00:11:35.532 It keeps people from learning responsibility. 00:11:35.532 --> 00:11:44.227 See, when someone has a responsibility and we get them out of the responsibility, all that teaches them is I don't need to be responsible If someone's bad with money and we keep giving them more money. 00:11:44.227 --> 00:11:48.543 All it teaches them is don't worry about money because someone's going to come along and take care of it for you. 00:11:48.543 --> 00:11:58.434 When someone is around, someone that is very toxic for them to be around, and you just say nothing and you say, oh, don't worry, none of my business. 00:11:58.434 --> 00:12:09.187 What you're teaching by your silence is that's fine, that's normal, that should be expected Instead of that's bats and you need to do whatever you need to do to get away from that. 00:12:09.187 --> 00:12:23.210 When we keep kids, maybe, from fulfilling their responsibilities, parents, what you're teaching them is you don't need to be responsible, but you also fail to develop a sense of responsibility in the kid. 00:12:23.210 --> 00:12:24.855 That's what's supposed to ultimately happen. 00:12:24.855 --> 00:12:26.142 They feel responsible themselves. 00:12:26.142 --> 00:12:27.966 They know what they're supposed to do. 00:12:30.571 --> 00:12:34.023 Forgiveness does include letting go. 00:12:34.023 --> 00:12:36.368 It does include erasing a debt. 00:12:36.368 --> 00:12:38.292 It doesn't necessarily now. 00:12:38.292 --> 00:12:39.640 This might be a little controversial. 00:12:39.640 --> 00:12:40.413 It doesn't necessarily mean now. 00:12:40.413 --> 00:12:40.903 This might be a little controversial. 00:12:40.903 --> 00:12:44.131 It doesn't necessarily mean you trust them again, or instantly. 00:12:44.919 --> 00:12:52.625 Sometimes people have caused tremendous pain and they can be genuinely sorry and we can genuinely say you do not have to pay that back to me. 00:12:52.625 --> 00:12:54.246 I release you of that obligation. 00:12:54.246 --> 00:12:56.727 And yet I'm not stupid. 00:12:56.727 --> 00:13:03.628 I'm not going to put myself around something that might potentially hurt me because they haven't really grown, they haven't really changed. 00:13:03.628 --> 00:13:08.248 They're sorry, but they're not doing anything differently, right? 00:13:08.288 --> 00:13:21.149 So if you've got a brother that comes to the Thanksgiving dinner every year drunk and ends up making a big scene and wrecking somebody's car, and that happens for three years in a row, honey, you can forgive them all day. 00:13:21.149 --> 00:13:35.559 But if you invite them on the fourth year, something wrong with you Because old boy can't hold his liquor and he can't keep cars safe. 00:13:35.559 --> 00:13:37.660 So we don't. 00:13:37.660 --> 00:13:38.144 You don't have to trust. 00:13:38.144 --> 00:13:38.767 Someone has to earn trust back. 00:13:38.787 --> 00:13:41.019 Guys, when they've hurt you really, really bad, they need to demonstrate that they've changed. 00:13:41.019 --> 00:13:42.586 It doesn't mean that you're mean to them. 00:13:42.586 --> 00:13:48.529 It just means you're not putting them back in a place where your heart can be ripped in half again and again and again. 00:13:48.529 --> 00:13:51.745 That is not what God is asking you to do when he asks you to forgive people. 00:13:51.745 --> 00:13:53.591 And what do we see? 00:13:53.591 --> 00:13:55.265 Unforgiveness leads to a tortured life. 00:13:55.265 --> 00:14:03.408 Then the angry king sent the man to prison to be tortured, and there's a prison of sorts that we fall into when we don't forgive. 00:14:03.408 --> 00:14:05.712 There's an emotional prison that we're in. 00:14:05.712 --> 00:14:10.269 There's a place where we're stuck in the past. 00:14:10.269 --> 00:14:15.326 We're not moving forward with a clean slate into the new realms that God wants to put us. 00:14:15.326 --> 00:14:20.160 Instead, we're stuck where we are, or at least where we're going is way harder to do. 00:14:20.861 --> 00:14:23.508 Years ago I saw a gal over on 83. 00:14:23.508 --> 00:14:27.062 She was probably walking from Meijer that's where I deduced she was or Jewel. 00:14:27.062 --> 00:14:34.388 Down there she had these heavy grocery bags, plastic ones, and she's carrying them and, man, they looked like they were 25 pounds each. 00:14:34.388 --> 00:14:35.029 I mean, they were heavy. 00:14:35.029 --> 00:14:37.913 I'm like that bag is going to rip and she's on the side of 83. 00:14:37.913 --> 00:14:44.035 There's not like a sidewalk or anything, she's just she's moseying down and you know, dude, she's like half a mile at least away from a store. 00:14:44.035 --> 00:14:49.624 I'm like I don't know how long old girls got to go, but that looks really heavy and it reminded me. 00:14:50.686 --> 00:14:51.648 Sometimes we're that gal. 00:14:51.648 --> 00:15:04.610 We're carrying around the hurts, the pains, the unforgivenesses, the places we're holding people hostage, even though they don't know or care that they're being held hostage. 00:15:04.610 --> 00:15:09.250 How many bags are you carrying today about stuff that no one remembers but you. 00:15:09.250 --> 00:15:11.918 Sometimes it's not even just bags. 00:15:11.918 --> 00:15:18.686 Sometimes we got to open up the trunk and put a lot in and that's the only way we get anywhere, and for some of us it's been so long. 00:15:18.686 --> 00:15:23.109 The truth is, you probably got a U-Haul full of stuff that baby. 00:15:23.109 --> 00:15:24.432 You don't need to keep paying for that. 00:15:24.432 --> 00:15:27.105 You can just throw that stuff out. 00:15:27.105 --> 00:15:29.753 That's slowing you down, it's not speeding you up. 00:15:30.860 --> 00:15:31.301 What do we do? 00:15:31.301 --> 00:15:42.686 We decide right now that I'm going to forgive, and when I decide that, I instantly begin to untangle myself from the darkness that unforgiveness pulls me into. 00:15:42.686 --> 00:15:44.210 See, unforgiveness. 00:15:44.210 --> 00:15:45.432 Here's the dirty secret. 00:15:45.432 --> 00:15:47.725 Unforgiveness changes me. 00:15:47.725 --> 00:15:49.809 It doesn't get back at them. 00:15:49.809 --> 00:15:51.052 It just makes me worse. 00:15:51.052 --> 00:15:53.143 It just makes me a darker thing. 00:15:53.143 --> 00:15:55.589 It makes me less like my God. 00:15:56.932 --> 00:15:57.592 What should we do instead? 00:15:57.592 --> 00:16:00.210 We should take a look at it. 00:16:00.210 --> 00:16:05.429 We should take a look at the lessons and say I thank God for the lesson. 00:16:05.429 --> 00:16:07.878 I thank God that I learned that. 00:16:07.878 --> 00:16:10.705 I thank God that I'm not going to be duped that easy ever again. 00:16:10.705 --> 00:16:13.171 I thank God that sweet. 00:16:13.171 --> 00:16:14.860 Now I know not to get involved with that kind of thing. 00:16:14.860 --> 00:16:17.764 Now I know not to trust people with that. 00:16:17.764 --> 00:16:21.649 Or when people come along and they say this I'm going to know, not really. 00:16:21.649 --> 00:16:22.711 So. 00:16:22.711 --> 00:16:23.812 Thank God for the lesson. 00:16:23.812 --> 00:16:25.754 I'm moving on. 00:16:25.754 --> 00:16:27.436 That's all I needed. 00:16:27.436 --> 00:16:28.582 All I needed was the lesson. 00:16:28.582 --> 00:16:31.740 I don't need the groceries, I don't need the bag, I don't need the luggage. 00:16:31.740 --> 00:16:33.325 I don't need the baggage. 00:16:33.325 --> 00:16:36.653 And when we do that, doors begin to open in our lives. 00:16:36.653 --> 00:16:45.250 Suddenly there's new opportunities, there's new things that we can do, because our heart is just not so tiny anymore. 00:16:45.250 --> 00:16:45.910 What can we do? 00:16:45.910 --> 00:16:46.972 We can trust again. 00:16:46.972 --> 00:16:48.384 We can love again. 00:16:48.384 --> 00:16:50.010 There are other good people out there. 00:16:50.010 --> 00:16:53.403 There's people who can love and even people that have hurt you very much. 00:16:53.663 --> 00:17:03.447 Sometimes it's the forgiving of a relationship that was wounded that makes that relationship better than it ever could have been in the past, because now you rightly understand one another. 00:17:03.447 --> 00:17:06.869 Now you know, oh, you have a shadow and it's real. 00:17:06.869 --> 00:17:10.148 And the other one knows, oh, I have a shadow and it's real. 00:17:10.148 --> 00:17:22.964 Let's, instead of trusting that we're just gonna be true blue love forever, let's trust in God instead of one another, because it's the fear of God that keeps people safe, not their own great intentions. 00:17:22.964 --> 00:17:26.652 Why don't we go ahead and forgive? 00:17:26.652 --> 00:17:30.604 Here's why Because your heart is worth it. 00:17:30.604 --> 00:17:33.873 If you don't forgive, your heart is damaged. 00:17:33.873 --> 00:17:43.710 What amount of money could you pay to just get a clear heart again where you never have to think about that, you never have to have pain, a twinge of pain, every time you think about them? 00:17:43.710 --> 00:17:47.013 Whatever you would pay, it'd be a ripoff Like it'd be a steal. 00:17:47.013 --> 00:17:49.477 You should do it, you should pay that, but you don't have to pay anything. 00:17:49.477 --> 00:17:53.084 All you have to do is say my heart is worth it, it's worth forgiving. 00:17:53.084 --> 00:17:53.265 Here. 00:17:53.265 --> 00:18:03.422 It's always going to be a choice. 00:18:03.422 --> 00:18:05.807 Here's some helpful news a little bit. 00:18:05.807 --> 00:18:16.825 God is never going to ask you to forgive somebody for more than he's forgiven you, for God has already forgiven you for way more than you will ever have to forgive anybody. 00:18:16.825 --> 00:18:18.147 Just like that master. 00:18:18.147 --> 00:18:23.148 And he's saying I know it's a couple thousand dollars, but I forgave you millions. 00:18:23.148 --> 00:18:26.116 Go ahead and forgive them. 00:18:26.719 --> 00:18:29.184 Forgiveness is a decision and forgiveness is a process. 00:18:29.184 --> 00:18:33.153 This is where we miss it a little bit sometimes. 00:18:33.153 --> 00:18:41.050 Sometimes in church circles, it's like forgive, forgive, forgive, and so we decide, okay, it's like forgive, forgive, forgive, and so we decide, okay, they're just forgiven and that's good. 00:18:41.050 --> 00:18:47.895 It was a decision, but it wasn't deep enough because we really didn't process it with the Lord enough. 00:18:47.895 --> 00:19:01.744 We didn't take the time to feel it, we didn't take the time to replace it with truth, and so we kind of become these emotionally vertigo people that I'm saying I forgive, but, dude, I'm kind of a wreck inside. 00:19:01.744 --> 00:19:03.269 I'm trying not to feel my feelings. 00:19:03.269 --> 00:19:06.301 So we decide. 00:19:06.782 --> 00:19:16.007 Ephesians 4, 31 and 32 says this get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. 00:19:16.007 --> 00:19:23.507 Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God, through Christ, has forgiven you. 00:19:23.507 --> 00:19:25.211 Notice that word. 00:19:25.211 --> 00:19:31.531 Forgiving, it's not just forgive once, it's keep forgiving, keep forgiving. 00:19:31.531 --> 00:19:32.875 You're going to run into more. 00:19:32.875 --> 00:19:34.560 Have you had to forgive today? 00:19:34.560 --> 00:19:38.671 Guess what You're going to have to forgive tomorrow again and again and again. 00:19:38.891 --> 00:19:40.080 But it is the way of life. 00:19:40.080 --> 00:19:42.646 If we'll make a decision and what does he say? 00:19:42.646 --> 00:19:43.169 To not do? 00:19:43.169 --> 00:19:44.913 Don't give in to bitterness. 00:19:44.913 --> 00:19:46.603 Bitterness is an acid heart. 00:19:46.603 --> 00:19:50.651 Bitterness is venom that is slowly poisoning your soul. 00:19:50.651 --> 00:19:53.923 Don't give in to wrath or rage. 00:19:54.144 --> 00:19:55.146 What is rage? 00:19:55.146 --> 00:19:58.662 Rage is when you kind of have a disproportional reaction to the situation. 00:19:58.662 --> 00:20:03.353 You're angry and maybe anger is appropriate, but everyone's like whoa, what was that? 00:20:03.353 --> 00:20:07.266 That's rage flying out Like some people when we drive. 00:20:07.266 --> 00:20:08.169 Anybody know about that. 00:20:08.169 --> 00:20:12.169 They're like, wow, that was a reaction that doesn't make sense with what just happened. 00:20:12.169 --> 00:20:13.432 That's rage. 00:20:13.432 --> 00:20:18.832 But if we're not careful, rage comes out of us because we're stewing on unforgiveness. 00:20:18.832 --> 00:20:20.545 What about harsh words? 00:20:22.141 --> 00:20:26.307 My friends, sometimes the best thing to do with someone that we're trying to forgive is try just not to talk about it. 00:20:26.307 --> 00:20:31.827 When they come up, when someone else brings them up, just think good thoughts in that person's direction. 00:20:31.827 --> 00:20:32.810 Oh God, bless them. 00:20:32.810 --> 00:20:34.084 We're talking about her again. 00:20:34.084 --> 00:20:38.230 Yikes Lord, help me not say anything that my flesh wants to say right now. 00:20:38.230 --> 00:20:41.720 Mal. 00:20:41.720 --> 00:20:43.544 Yikes Lord, help me not say anything that my flesh wants to say right now. 00:20:43.544 --> 00:20:43.683 Malice. 00:20:43.683 --> 00:20:45.407 Malice is having a bad heart towards somebody. 00:20:45.407 --> 00:20:49.299 Malice is when we're just dude. 00:20:49.299 --> 00:20:51.767 The truth is, you're just hanging on and you could let go. 00:20:51.767 --> 00:20:54.162 And I'm asking you today, in Jesus' name, to let go. 00:20:54.162 --> 00:20:59.153 Let go, that malicious heart is not helping you and it's not God's way. 00:20:59.153 --> 00:21:01.140 Let go. 00:21:01.140 --> 00:21:02.423 That malicious heart is not helping you and it's not God's way. 00:21:02.442 --> 00:21:04.006 And when it's hard to forgive, we do have to admit that it happened. 00:21:04.006 --> 00:21:06.412 We have to accept that it happened. 00:21:06.412 --> 00:21:10.131 We have to say my life doesn't get to be different than this. 00:21:10.131 --> 00:21:12.701 I can't go back in time and remove this thing from my life. 00:21:12.701 --> 00:21:23.690 Every way that God is going to bless me in the future includes this thing having happened, and in Jesus' name, I don't like it, but I trust that his will for my life can still be good. 00:21:23.690 --> 00:21:25.747 Even though that thing happened. 00:21:25.747 --> 00:21:27.385 I'm not gonna try to get rid of it. 00:21:27.385 --> 00:21:32.487 I'm not gonna try to like get past it in such a way that I have to like redeem whatever situation. 00:21:32.487 --> 00:21:33.741 That was perfectly Some of it. 00:21:33.741 --> 00:21:36.546 Dude, you can't entirely redeem or you definitely can't redeem it right now. 00:21:36.546 --> 00:21:38.502 Maybe God can redeem it over time. 00:21:38.502 --> 00:21:43.813 But, baby, you got to go on and you've got to accept that was part of my deal here. 00:21:43.813 --> 00:21:50.582 But God is still good and I'm going to still walk with it. 00:21:50.582 --> 00:21:51.483 I'm going to trust him with that difficulty. 00:21:51.503 --> 00:21:59.565 We admit that it happened, we admit I can't change this and we try to try to synchronize with God. 00:21:59.565 --> 00:22:14.025 One day I was, I'd been through kind of a difficult fight with a friend and we were going to meet at a restaurant and as I'm walking in, I was in one of those modes where you know when you just want to be right and you just want to like let me lay out for you all the ways I'm right and you're wrong. 00:22:14.025 --> 00:22:18.102 I'm sure when you finally see my perspective, you'll know how wrong you are. 00:22:18.102 --> 00:22:26.547 I was in that mental space and I'm walking into this restaurant to meet him and the Spirit of God comes upon me and he just lays on my heart. 00:22:26.547 --> 00:22:30.961 I meaning Jesus, I'm right, I'm right. 00:22:31.382 --> 00:22:34.888 And what he was saying was synchronize to me. 00:22:34.888 --> 00:22:37.314 Don't try to get him to synchronize to you. 00:22:37.314 --> 00:22:40.001 Does that make sense? 00:22:40.001 --> 00:22:48.489 My friends, if you're a tuning fork and you're a little bit out of tune, everyone you try to tune to you is going to be out of tune. 00:22:48.489 --> 00:22:59.289 If I convince my friend to agree with me, the problem is, dude, I'm wrong about some things, as are you, as is he, as is everybody, except one person. 00:22:59.289 --> 00:22:59.631 Who is it? 00:22:59.631 --> 00:23:00.452 It's Jesus. 00:23:00.452 --> 00:23:06.369 So, if I can, just I'll tell you what, bro, you do, what you can to synchronize with Jesus. 00:23:06.369 --> 00:23:09.048 I'm going to synchronize with Jesus, but then you know what? 00:23:09.048 --> 00:23:13.950 We're gonna have the same tone because we're both synchronized with Jesus. 00:23:14.119 --> 00:23:17.029 And so the Lord said to me I'm right. 00:23:17.029 --> 00:23:20.441 And can I just suggest to you think about some of the people that have hurt you. 00:23:20.441 --> 00:23:23.305 And Can I just suggest to you think about some of the people that have hurt you and instead of defend yourself again. 00:23:23.305 --> 00:23:24.226 I'm so right. 00:23:24.226 --> 00:23:27.730 You're probably right about some things, but can we just own this? 00:23:27.730 --> 00:23:28.590 This is all humility. 00:23:28.590 --> 00:23:30.972 The only one who is right is God. 00:23:30.972 --> 00:23:33.556 The only one who sees that situation perfectly is God. 00:23:33.556 --> 00:23:43.940 The only one who knows exactly what everybody should have done is God, and he wants to use this situation to grow you, not show everybody how right you are, sorry. 00:23:43.940 --> 00:23:45.987 Wants to use this situation to grow you, not show everybody how right you are, sorry. 00:23:45.987 --> 00:23:46.949 That's not what he's probably trying to do. 00:23:46.949 --> 00:23:49.317 He's probably trying to grow you and maybe even grow a forgiving heart. 00:23:50.260 --> 00:23:56.574 So, as long as we don't forgive too fast and we take the time to stew on it, to bring it to Jesus. 00:23:56.574 --> 00:24:06.871 See, if we go too fast I know it sounds weird If we go too fast, somehow it disrupts the process when we haven't admitted that we're angry and that this thing hurt. 00:24:06.871 --> 00:24:17.087 But if we're really gonna have thorough forgiveness, it says right there, just as God, through Christ, has forgiven you, we've gotta meditate on some realities. 00:24:17.087 --> 00:24:22.009 See, my friend, we change via truth. 00:24:22.009 --> 00:24:23.982 Jesus prayed. 00:24:23.982 --> 00:24:25.807 Sanctify them with your truth. 00:24:25.807 --> 00:24:27.806 Your word is truth. 00:24:27.806 --> 00:24:31.786 The word of God is what we need when we're hurt and wounded. 00:24:31.786 --> 00:24:36.807 It's not just we need to get over it, it's not that we need to be better people, it's not even just that we just need to pray. 00:24:37.181 --> 00:24:47.480 I wanna read to you some statements that are very theological in nature, meaning these are the things the Bible teaches about forgiveness and unforgiveness and what God wants to do with regard to it. 00:24:47.480 --> 00:24:54.824 You can know this, but until you let that thing down here by chewing on it again and again, it's not really going to help that you know it. 00:24:54.824 --> 00:24:57.633 Here's some things to ponder. 00:24:57.633 --> 00:25:06.946 Just listen, okay, get your person in your mind, or your people, whoever it is, and I just want to read these to you and think the thoughts I'm going to read in the direction of the people that hurt you. 00:25:06.946 --> 00:25:10.006 People do evil things to one another. 00:25:10.006 --> 00:25:18.732 That's what the Bible teaches you and I do evil things to people, purposely and accidentally. 00:25:18.732 --> 00:25:25.813 Often people don't understand the evil they do, and God is still good. 00:25:28.160 --> 00:25:30.163 Everyone has pain. 00:25:30.163 --> 00:25:31.967 Let that one sink in. 00:25:31.967 --> 00:25:35.534 I know you've got pain, but think about them for a second. 00:25:35.534 --> 00:25:47.423 They've got pain that you don't know about, and it may have influenced some of what they did know about, and it may have influenced some of what they did. 00:25:47.423 --> 00:25:48.003 Let's keep going. 00:25:48.003 --> 00:25:51.810 I too it's not just them I too am a sinner and God, he's not distant. 00:25:51.810 --> 00:26:03.294 He personally and relationally and emotionally, knows the pain of betrayal deeper than I ever will, and he shares my pain with himself. 00:26:03.294 --> 00:26:04.256 He shares it. 00:26:06.358 --> 00:26:12.248 I've been a recipient of radical grace, millions in the parable. 00:26:12.248 --> 00:26:26.362 It's reasonable that, as a recipient of that radical grace, I should demonstrate less radical but still radical grace toward others, if I truly appreciate the grace I've been shown. 00:26:26.362 --> 00:26:30.409 I'm not powerless. 00:26:30.409 --> 00:26:33.974 God gives me the power to withhold or grant forgiveness. 00:26:33.974 --> 00:26:38.305 It is a decision and it's in your power to do it. 00:26:38.305 --> 00:26:44.855 God still can have a good plan in store for my life, despite what that person did. 00:26:44.855 --> 00:26:52.053 God uses this kind of thing, this very thing, for my good and to make me more like him. 00:26:52.053 --> 00:26:55.226 And here's one more just think about it. 00:26:55.226 --> 00:27:00.503 God fulfills his plan for me, despite whatever anybody else ever did. 00:27:00.503 --> 00:27:02.387 God can't be stopped. 00:27:02.387 --> 00:27:04.392 Nobody can stop the plan of God on your life. 00:27:07.299 --> 00:27:07.740 And so how about? 00:27:07.740 --> 00:27:08.481 Instead, we tenderize our hearts. 00:27:08.481 --> 00:27:09.804 Here's what we do, here's what I mean by that. 00:27:09.804 --> 00:27:21.351 That means, as we can, we try, though, we practice it, we pray for that person when they come to mind, and it's we say, lord, I pray that they're happy. 00:27:21.351 --> 00:27:24.625 I pray that whatever needs to be corrected in them, that you correct it, like I'm asking you to do. 00:27:24.625 --> 00:27:28.846 That I would probably choose different things than you, jesus, but you know what they really need to be corrected about. 00:27:28.846 --> 00:27:32.721 So please correct them about that, lord. 00:27:32.721 --> 00:27:33.663 Take away their pain. 00:27:33.663 --> 00:27:35.145 They're hurting. 00:27:35.145 --> 00:27:40.423 Lead them to Jesus, the great comforter, and take away their pain. 00:27:40.423 --> 00:27:42.970 Fill me with love for them. 00:27:42.970 --> 00:27:47.346 That doesn't make sense to the world and God. 00:27:47.346 --> 00:27:48.390 Would you do me a favor? 00:27:48.390 --> 00:27:50.273 Make their dreams come true. 00:27:50.273 --> 00:27:52.923 That hurts to pray that kind of prayer. 00:27:52.923 --> 00:27:56.752 As you know, it hurts, but it hurts in a good way. 00:27:56.752 --> 00:28:02.352 Let it hurt because it will be healing the darkness that is in your and my heart. 00:28:02.352 --> 00:28:04.163 Let it hurt because it will be healing the darkness that is in your and my heart. 00:28:04.182 --> 00:28:11.674 My friends, choosing to forgive is kind of like when we stop ringing the tower bell. 00:28:11.674 --> 00:28:20.428 We don't use tower bells, probably in everyday life, but you can imagine, you remember you've seen them at least somewhere in a show, somewhere Someone is ringing that bell and they've got to keep ringing it. 00:28:20.428 --> 00:28:26.363