Laugh Until We Fart
Laugh Until We Fart
Scooby Doodie and the Curious Case of Oyster Moisture
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Ever wondered what might happen if you combined a haunted car wash with a Halloween costume contest and a dash of Missy Elliott karaoke? We took on the challenge, with Shane Harges leading the charge. Our journey through Halloween mischief began with side-splitting trick-or-treating antics and plans to judge each other's questionable costume creativity. We didn't stop there; we threw in some nostalgic slang and karaoke hilarity to keep the spirits high and the laughter rolling.
Nostalgia hit us like a ghost from the past as we shared our favorite Halloween costumes from devilish childhood get-ups to adult ensembles that walked the line between spooky and spectacularly silly. From sexy Rainbow Brite to stoic Jedi Knights, we reflected on the shifting societal norms through our past costume choices. Our conversations meandered through the fields of Halloween decor as well, exploring how to craft the ultimate spooky atmosphere while keeping the giggles coming with our usual chaotic charm.
Adding to the madness were the quirky adventures involving Scooby-Doo references, bizarre bathroom humor, and the infamous "butt butter" escapades. We even threw in some playful discussions on peafowls, parasites, and imaginary antics, ensuring there was never a dull moment. Whether we were slipping on tiles or debating the merits of "motorboating your own melons," each chapter of this episode promised unexpected humor. Join us for a wild ride filled with laughter, light-hearted banter, and plenty of Halloween fun!
Visit BlendersEyewear.com and use the code: LUWF at check out to receive a sweet 16% discount on your total purchase price! They have many styles, colors, and even winter gear such as goggles and beanies to choose from. Blenders also make a fantastic stocking surprise for the upcoming winter holidays!
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Make sure to follow us on most social media platforms:
Shane Harges Comedy on Facebook and Youtubes and @shaneharges on Insta and TikTok!
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Hey, you know it's time to get it started. Let me introduce you all to Shane Hargis. Okc. Yeah, we got to rep that. Sit back, I know that you're going to have a good laugh, bringing you the comedy that you really need. Keep it entertaining, you better believe. So let's get it popping. No more talk Going to make us laugh until we fart. Ok, shane Hargis, that's who we want.
Speaker 2Going to make us laugh until we fart. Shane August, that's who we want. Gonna make us laugh until we fart. Shane August, that's who we want. Gonna make us laugh until we fart. Oh, welcome back for a special Halloween spooktacular episode. With me tonight is your sluttiest born-again virgin co-host, taylor Lee. Hello and off-camera. Right there we have the former, most okayest co-host ever casey sue, that's my name, and with us tonight.
Speaker 6Tippy joins us again brought you back that's right.
Speaker 2That's right, doubt it I do have a great video to show, uh, to get everybody ready for trick or treating coming up all right, that was so. Ok, oklahoma, turn the tricks, here we go, let's watch. Watch it with us.
Speaker 5Aw little Wednesday, Aw little Wednesday. Why is there so much screaming already?
Speaker 4Oh, you didn't grab the candy. I'm scared, I'm scared Girls, grab your candy.
Speaker 2Grab your candy. That's great. She was fucking scared.
Speaker 5I love trick-or-treating.
Speaker 8I love being scared.
Speaker 5Have you been to a haunted house yet this year? No More.
Speaker 8The next Saturday we're going to a haunted car wash in Mustang. I asked the kids if they want to go and they were like, yeah, that's fun, so we're going to go to a haunted car wash.
Speaker 4And Tommy's oh my.
Speaker 2God.
Speaker 8Plug.
Speaker 6Spons.
Speaker 2Wow, and they wanted to go.
Speaker 8Yeah, both of them were like yeah, I want to go. Ooh, okay, I don't know how involved or how gory, but I mean, it's car wash, if we get ripped out and murdered, or wet. It's car wash Did you say wet, it's car wash.
Speaker 2Getting wet around your kids. It's weird, but what do you do?
Speaker 4Well, this should be fun. What do you do?
Speaker 2Yeah, I wanted to see put on your seat belt.
Speaker 2Kids watch mommy if um get wet if any viewers are out there and you're going to have like uh well, first of all, let me, let me address something real quick. I know it's the, the Halloween episode, and you're like you lame fucks aren't even in Halloween costumes. The plan is, each one of us we're going to do a Halloween costume contest and during the show, one of us will leave, get into their Halloween costume, prance, all in Prance, and then we'll see how good their Halloween costume is.
Speaker 8Who's judging it?
Speaker 2The viewers, the listeners. We're not going to know. Yeah, we're not going to know. Our fans down in the Philippines are going to write in and go here you go Mine's pretty fucking cool. We'll post something on Instagram and we'll do a poll.
Speaker 6Mine shows my titties, your titties. Vote for me.
Speaker 1Was that for Taylor's titties, mine's a poll.
Speaker 5Oh, you're a couple's costume.
Speaker 2So that's why we're not in costume yet. Here after we get going, you'll see some costumes. Okay, coxtumes, coxtumes. You'll see some costumes. Now, if any of you uh, have a halloween party you're planning, I have the perfect song for you guys to play at your party to get things crunk is that a word still?
Speaker 3do, they do.
Speaker 8The kids still say crunk, or yeah, uh, oh.
Speaker 2It's bussin this party's bussin. This is how you get your party bussin Right here. I don't think they say that. I think they do this is ubering.
Speaker 4Yes. Missy Elliott, missy Elliott.
Speaker 11The background looks like he's laying on his mom's belly or some shit.
Speaker 10No, it's the bathroom. It could almost be hanging upside down. Get it, get it, get it.
Speaker 5That is not the worst karaoke we've ever seen.
Speaker 2That was pretty good.
Speaker 9That was good.
Speaker 5He was on key.
Speaker 2He just never made a different facial. That is how you get the party crump.
Speaker 5That is how barbershop does pop.
Speaker 2Oh, oh God. I don't know if that's a good.
Speaker 5It's something to judge.
Speaker 2Alright. Well, what about this?
Speaker 13So I'm still fighting off this HIV, hiv, jockage, jockage Are you getting in all the creases. And the antifungal spray and the antifungal cream and the ringworm cream, and I've been doing this for I don't know two months. I probably just ramped up the showers the past couple days, but I've been doing at least three showers a day for the past two months.
Speaker 7And the jockhead. Okay, you know what, you're fired okay. You didn't follow Proto.
Speaker 5It's the backlog. Why are you? Telling us. Why is it on your face? I don't know why. Why would you hiv, sir? You got the hiv.
Speaker 2You got scabies on your balls. Sorry, wow, why, I don't know why. Why scabies on his? Why would you put this on your tiktok, like he's gotta be doing a a bit right?
Speaker 5I don't think. Look at his face. He has ringworm on his fucking face.
Speaker 11This is his Tinder profile.
Speaker 8Is he trying to get dates? But he's trying to explain why he looks like that.
Speaker 5Can somebody help me? Is he trying to raise awareness?
Speaker 2Alcohol swabs, and he has more videos talking about his undercarriage issues.
Speaker 11What he needs to do is teabag, a bottle of bleach or something.
Speaker 2Leave it at.
Speaker 8How about you just go to the goddamn doctor? Yeah.
Speaker 2I think he did, and they said here's a cream, here's a body wash. He's just gross.
Speaker 5Well, you know what his face tells me? He washes his face after he washes his nuts. That's what he does Look at his face.
Speaker 2He goes nuts butthole then.
Speaker 11He goes nuts butts mouth, not butt mouth.
Speaker 2This is the guy that showers, then shits. Let me shave on the shitter he's all backwards Shits on the shaver.
Speaker 5Shits on the shaver.
Speaker 9Oh yeah, he shaves his ass hair, then his face.
Speaker 8Yeah, what do you think? His balls smell like.
Speaker 11Oh God, His chin.
Speaker 2His balls smell like his chin.
Speaker 9I'm gonna say like blue cheese.
Speaker 5That's gross. Is he gonna continue to talk about his Ringworms?
Speaker 2I can't do it. It's about to make me sick. That is so gross.
Speaker 5What's your favorite Halloween activity?
Speaker 2Parties Parties I like looking at all these cool Halloween costumes that I can't afford, oh yeah, and never buy.
Speaker 8I always think, too, I'm going to do something fucking cool this year. And then I'm like You're a bat Banana.
Speaker 2Banana, I bought a shirt that says this is my Halloween costume. No, I would never let you do that you know nowadays, since I am older, I like Was that you Did it drop Can you do that again.
Speaker 6I can't hold on.
Speaker 4You're like Jaina.
Speaker 5That sounds cool. That sounds like a Disney movie, I know.
Speaker 4But you're a new bell.
Speaker 2That's what it sounds like when I get a boner.
Speaker 4It makes noise.
Speaker 5It's true, it's true. I do like handing out candy for all the Timmy knows.
Speaker 11My favorite activity is I was just guessing.
Speaker 2Yeah, my favorite activity now is being here when all the kids in the neighborhood come around.
Speaker 6Oh, my God you're an old man.
Speaker 2He is. I do. I like that. It's fun and. I see all the little cute little kids with all their costumes.
Speaker 5We need pretty good candy.
Speaker 2Now what I do is, if it's a really good costume, I get a big hand for it.
Speaker 8I get dots.
Speaker 2I love dots If you haven't been too creative with your costume.
Speaker 8People are poor man, Give us a break.
Speaker 2No, you have a whole year to save up for your kids' Halloween Dots.
Speaker 4Yeah, fucking kids, fucking kids.
Speaker 5What's your favorite Halloween activity, Timmy?
Speaker 11Eating Reese's.
Speaker 5So getting the dad tax.
Speaker 2That's it, yeah, oh yeah.
Speaker 5Got it.
Speaker 2Dad tax on the candy.
Speaker 11My favorite thing about Halloween is the diabetes.
Speaker 4Diabetes.
Speaker 11I just have all this spooky stuff everywhere Scary.
Speaker 8Scary things.
Speaker 4Everywhere you go is spooky, spooky.
Speaker 2Spooky. Will you stop doing it in the mic? It's freaking me out.
Speaker 8It's like we go to a dimension or something I know.
Speaker 2Alright, I gotta get this guy off the screen here Scabies face. Yeah, what has? Been your favorite Halloween costume that you ever wore, like as a kid.
Speaker 5As a kid yeah, peter Pan. My dad made me a Peter Pan costume.
Speaker 1You were a boy.
Speaker 5I had like a super short, like Peter.
Speaker 8Pan, a boy or non-binary, I think. Who was the first non-binary?
Speaker 5Well, in the musical it was played by a girl no. In the musical it was played by a girl. No, in the musical it was played by a girl. Yeah, and after I saw that movie I was like I want that haircut See non-binary and so I did. Non-binary, and I was Peter Pan. It was really fucking cool. He was the first.
Speaker 2So Peter Pan was your favorite Halloween costume.
Speaker 5As a kid your favorite?
Speaker 8how about my?
Speaker 2favorite kid costume. Anyway, kid yeah devil. It's only when I remember satan.
Speaker 5It's only when you remember. Yeah, I saw a picture of you as a cat but the cat by devil tippy's been, tippy's been thinking for a while I remember
Speaker 11my mom made me a costume, a dracula costume. I wore it for like two or three years.
Speaker 4I liked it a lot mine was this.
Speaker 2It was kind of a devilish mask. There used to be that cool Halloween store on like.
Speaker 4MG Novelty.
Speaker 2Yes, that's it. Mg Novelty and they used to have like a hundred or so like different badass rubber. Like real looking yeah Masks and we would go there and get them and I found this one crazy ass devil-like mask that I would wear and, uh, I would just wear like maybe a flannel and some jeans, but we would decorate our grandma's house and all I would do. I wouldn't go trick-or-treating anymore, I would scare the kids that came up to the house.
Speaker 8Yeah, a dad or somebody maybe.
Speaker 2Yeah, and my buddy Brent had a weird-ass masked goofy like frumpy-looking dude and he would just lean up inside this casket, this box, and just not move the entire time. And I would come running off my grandma's roof at all these kids and they would just freak out.
Speaker 8We would hear them screaming blocks away. We would be blocks away trick-or-treating because we were little and we would hear kids like ah.
Speaker 2I scared some kids so bad they started crying and the dad is laughing his ass off. It was like that was the best thing.
Speaker 8I've ever saw. Do you remember the kids that jumped in the back of the car and they were like go, go, go.
Speaker 2That one was. I could hear, I could hear this young guy with his girlfriend and he was talking all tough because we had all the music it was like oh this isn't scary, we'll just go right up there.
Speaker 2And I happened to be in my grandma's tree. I was in the tree so I was watching them walk under me and as they got close I had the limb tucked right behind my knees and I just flopped down like this. He freaked out, he ran, ditched his girlfriend like see ya bitch. She jumped on the back of his mom's car and was like COME ON, GO.
Speaker 8And we were like a few hours down watching because we were just watching the kids go up and get scared. It was so fun, but that mask.
Speaker 2That was it. It was great. And then there was this group of black girls that came up.
Speaker 5Why'd they got to be black?
Speaker 2Well, they were, because it was hilarious. They were standing at the curb and there was probably six of them and they were like no, you go up there, you go up there so they were just standing there watching people get scared and finally I, just, I just had to walk out and be like come on, get up here, come get some candy, whatever and then Brent came out of the here's your dot.
Speaker 5Here's your fucking dots. Take your dots. We're inclusive.
Speaker 2It was fun, so that was my favorite. We took out all the white dots.
Speaker 5What about adult costume Like? Since, being an adult, what was your favorite costume that you wore?
Speaker 2I always liked kind of scary type stuff. My favorite one time was I got like some kind of cloak type stuff. My favorite one time was I got some kind of cloak or something and it was one of the Halloween parties we had out at Mom and Dad's house and I just took red or white face paint, I can't remember and I just did this and it was pretty creepy. I like that one.
Speaker 12Do you remember what, dave?
Speaker 5did with the black guy, black face.
Speaker 2I don't know if I remember that.
Speaker 5I don't think so, not anyone on the podcast, everybody, not anybody in this room.
Speaker 8He had a fro on and he had a basketball jersey and he had a basketball jersey and he painted himself his arms all black and he kept getting black paint all over mom and dad's house he totally black faced holy shit, he black bodied wow that's terrible. Those before people were racist, I think are you?
Speaker 2what's yours? That's terrible. It was before you were. People were racist, I think. Are you is yours? Uh, what's yours?
Speaker 5my favorite adult one that I did well in my slutty days. I did a really good sexy rainbow bright that I'm real proud of. I couldn't remember her name.
Speaker 2I wanted to say star bright, but I knew that rainbow bright man, rainbow Bright man, it was good.
Speaker 5And Strawberry Shortcake Courtney was Sleddy Strawberry Shortcake and I yelled at cops that I thought were people in costume. I did, I thought, they were You're not a real cop. I thought they were no, for real. I thought they were people in costume and I was super wasted. I smell bacon and this guy and, and he was young. So I was like oh, he's just another guy at this party and he walks in and he's like everybody's coming living and I was like you're not around and then shot her boyfriend bitch, I'm real I didn't have a boyfriend, I was single and, like I said in my slut era, but I did like our I did like our.
Speaker 5I did in fact, uh, I did like our, uh, okay, jedi costume fried out, fried out, man, I do like our my jedi costume was pretty legit at taylor's last halloween party. I liked that costume.
Speaker 11It was fun, we were Jedi Knights. I don't have any adult costumes.
Speaker 5Like even in college. No, like you didn't dress up in college, or anything, he just went nude.
Speaker 2What a fuddy-duddy, he went nude. He went nude though.
Speaker 8Mine was probably when I was the girl from the Ring. That was a brown wig and I had all the hair in front of me. And when people would drive on the driveway, I'd be like Didn't you. I think you freaked out. My friends, maybe I remember calling my old boss Timmery at the vet clinic. And I was like seven days and then she showed up and they were driving down Because she was always scared of everything. She was like what the fuck? She still talks about that.
Speaker 5You were so scary. Are you just not a Halloween person, tibby?
Speaker 11No not much Get out, I don't know.
Speaker 6It's a holiday.
Speaker 11Every day is a celebration for me, guys.
Speaker 6Every day.
Speaker 11Every day I wake up shining. I wake up shining. I wake up shining, shining bright like an apple. The world is my oyster. I hate oysters. What's?
Speaker 5an oyster. Yeah, what's an oyster?
Speaker 2Oyster.
Speaker 5Is it similar to an oyster?
Speaker 2Oyster. Is that an Oklahoma oyster? Oyster, oyster, oyster, oyster, oyster.
Speaker 5Oyster, oyster, moisture.
Speaker 2I don't like the way that smells.
Speaker 4That's some oyster oyster that should be the name of, like some.
Speaker 2That's what it smells like when you're in those ski bibs for too long.
Speaker 5Oyster moisture, that's for sure. That's the funk like in what's happening.
Speaker 9We took the exterior Hello there.
Speaker 3We took your studio to the crew hostage. They are in the other room getting their asses probed right now. Oh yeah. With all the space lube, all of it. Oh yeah, with all the space lube, all of it, el Cropitan loves the space lube he loves it? What do we do on this show? What are we going to do now? Cut shit, cut shit On humans. You humans are fucking weird. Yeah, yeah, let me show you, mmm.
Speaker 4This is our real cat Human girls like this.
Speaker 17She never wanted to be white, picky, fenced in Hearts, like a feather in her toes. The wind, seaside breeze, a brain hurt.
Speaker 4I'm laughing next to me, cause I ain't trying to tame the love, I keep the windows down and the wind in her hair keep her heart hanging all around every turn.
Speaker 3Okay, I think that's a.
Speaker 4I think that's a specimen of human mind, human human. I hate to be a party pooper.
Speaker 3You poop, party Kill him Hines, kill him, hey, kill him. Um, I hate to be a party pooper. You poop parties. I am sweating like crazy. Ew, in this human skin. Yeah, I'm going to go change from this human skin. Why? So you guys keep the show going. I'll be right back. I also want to check on El Croquetan. So you guys keep the show going, I'll be right back.
Speaker 4I also want to check on El Crococan.
Speaker 3You gonna go probe him. I think he likes it in his butt.
Speaker 4I want to go get in his ass, you gonna get all up in his ass. Careful, he fights.
Speaker 14Us aliens don't fart. I'm not sure if he wipes.
Speaker 4He doesn't. I don't think.
Speaker 16We don't have to expel gas. Good thing we don't have weird anus holes.
Speaker 4Yeah, I wonder what that feels like. Ew, they push solids out of our body parts. I wonder what it's like To poop no animal To get something in the poop. Oh, in and out it's like a breeze around the galaxy. Do you feel better? Now Is now a meteor shower.
Speaker 3I feel much better. How about?
Speaker 4you Hi. What happened to me? Meteor shower. I feel much better, hello Hi.
Speaker 3What happened to Piko Piko. Piko Piko was hot and sweaty. Oh, so he said fuck that. And he sent me in. He said this is much better. Yeah, this is this. Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, I can't do it. Oh my God, I can't do it. I can't do it. I think this is personal.
Speaker 4It was me all along.
Speaker 2It was me all along. It was me all along, it was us all along, I know. I know, I know we got you guys good you really thought the aliens were here. You really did. You hope they're getting pranked.
Speaker 6That's pretty hot. That was really hot in there, oh my God.
Speaker 4Oh, my God, oh my god, that's so funny.
Speaker 5Well, that was a fun four minutes, four minutes.
Speaker 8Just like every day.
Speaker 2I couldn't tough through that bit.
Speaker 11I couldn't do it.
Speaker 2But these are fucking sweet.
Speaker 9Those are sweet.
Speaker 11The suspenders are pretty rad those look awesome, my eyes were fogging up.
Speaker 5I was like how do?
Speaker 2I breathe. I put this on, started walking back, couldn't see where the fuck I was going. I almost tripped over you right there. I lost a shoe somewhere oh my god, I got it, though I found it Damn, we tried. I lost a shoe somewhere. Oh my God, I got it, though I found it Damn, we tried.
Speaker 5Hey, Shane, how long have you had this plan in the works?
Speaker 2I've had this for like a month.
Speaker 5Yeah, how disappointed do you feel right now?
Speaker 2Oh, that was great, actually, I think it turned out really good.
Speaker 5Good, I'm glad it turned out pretty funny. We'll see. It's stuck in my hair, can I?
Speaker 8borrow this for work. We have a work party. Absolutely, yeah, that's yours. Do you want to like? No one wants to put their face in it. Why is there a hole in the chin so you can say I was sucking little wieners little I don't know, don't talk about friend boys wiener like that
Speaker 11that's a little, I don't know maybe it goes in flaccid that's not. It's at least seven inches right right?
Speaker 6Is that seven inches? It's like one and a half.
Speaker 2But no, it could still be seven. It's just real skinny, skinny and long.
Speaker 9And thick too, Skinny and long.
Speaker 8I'm talking girth, y'all. Huh, I'm talking girth.
Speaker 5You're a girth queen Girth queen Girth, that's not even me.
Speaker 2Girth Queen.
Speaker 8Girth.
Speaker 5That's not even me.
Speaker 8I don't know Girth.
Speaker 2Queen Sounds moist Babe can you give me another?
Speaker 11For an oyster.
Speaker 5Can't go wrong these right here, moisture oysters.
Speaker 2With the girth, if you haven't been to the 405 Brewery in Norman Oklahoma. What the fuck are you doing? I'm sure they're going to love that. I said that so they probably won't sponsor us. Now I think they would. Uh, it's a great little brewery here in norman. They got this, uh, root beer seltzer. That is quite delicious.
Speaker 8quite dangerous, dangerous, dangerous I got the old topo chico oh, wow, and the meat man.
Speaker 2These are just blowing up, though go follow the meat man facebook the meat man film on the facebooks. Do it, fuckhead the meat man man. These are just blowing up, though. Go follow the meat man Facebook. The meat man film on the.
Speaker 8Facebooks, Do it fuckhead the meat man film, the meat man dash film on Facebook. Look it up, fill up, look at me, love it, love it, love it. Did you just fill up the meat?
Speaker 2Meat all up in you.
Speaker 8Yeah.
Speaker 2You know you want that meat up. All in you, all in you.
Speaker 11All in your ass, up in you.
Speaker 2Okay, guys. Yeah, I'm sweaty, Good stuff, sweaty Betty.
Speaker 8Let's talk more Halloween stuff. Do you not go to saunas? Ew, saunas. God no, it's good for you oh.
Speaker 2I like a sauna.
Speaker 8Get the toxin out.
Speaker 5I step outside and I sweat.
Speaker 2I'm good I gotta get the poison out. Is that what it is? Is that what it's like?
Speaker 8I like the demons out. I like them. I'll mow the yard.
Speaker 2I'll keep them. Do you have a spooky Halloween story?
Speaker 5Not from Halloween I mean a spooky ghost story. It's not Halloween.
Speaker 2Story. It's paranormal.
Speaker 5Yeah. I mean so is that you just want a spooky story or does it have to take place during? Halloween. I don't know, you're spooky just spooky I'm.
Speaker 2I like had some stuff when we were aliens, but uh, that didn't pan out like I planned um, so um improvise you just mentioned. You want to keep talking halloween no, I was just clarifying.
Speaker 5I have spooky stories. How much?
Speaker 2I know that.
Speaker 5Do you want it to be a story that happened on Halloween?
Speaker 2It's gotta be Halloween.
Speaker 8Okay, but how much money have you spent on Halloween decor this year, this year, just this year?
Speaker 5Not a ton. I added a little bit. We haven't put it up yet, but I've added just a little bit. We haven't put it up yet, but I've added just a little bit. It's Halloween.
Speaker 2Yeah, it's yard decor so it'll go outside but.
Speaker 11I got some.
Speaker 5It'll be this weekend I got some tombstones, tombstones, scary Uh-huh and some spooky spider webby kind of stuff, but not like the cotton polyfill spider web stuff. That's very bad. Don't do that. That's bad for the birds. Oh, I have that.
Speaker 3They kill spiders, what a damn bird.
Speaker 4Feed them rice. What do they do Fly into?
Speaker 5it.
Speaker 8They don't do shit with it, they get stuck. They're dumb anyway. They also fly into windows.
Speaker 2Are we going to take windows off buildings?
Speaker 8Yeah, I've never had a bird in my fake spider webs.
Speaker 5You might, I don't know.
Speaker 8I saw it on.
Speaker 2TikTok. She saw it on TikTok, it's true.
Speaker 16What is that? It's just one of those fake crows, honey, tiktok true.
Speaker 2People just want to be mad about something. What else we get? We got some ghosts. How much have?
Speaker 8you spent on Halloween decor core this year maybe like buck 50, not bad buffety dollar.
Speaker 950 dollar general that's where you went dollar tree, the dollar, tree, the dollar 25 store.
Speaker 8No, I fucking went to god damn home goods, oh no crazy's birthday is coming up who?
Speaker 11my daughter? Oh, she's 13 what'd she? Get turning 13 um.
Speaker 5She ignored me at school. What is she getting?
Speaker 11getting Tuesday.
Speaker 8What yeah?
Speaker 11She totally didn't know it was you.
Speaker 5Oh no, she absolutely knew it was me. She was in the hallway with her friends yeah, she's too cool. And I said Kenzie.
Speaker 11She didn't go to school today.
Speaker 5Is she okay? She was puking this morning, oh no, yeah, I saw her in the hallway and I was like, hey, kenzie, I even grabbed her she said fuck off, teacher.
Speaker 8She didn't give you a hug, or anything.
Speaker 5She half looked at me and then turned away. And then she walked by and I started laughing and I was I don't care, Kenzie. And she just started shaking her head and talking to her friend I was like oh no, I'm going to tell her dad.
Speaker 2She did not want to see any adult she knew at school. No Aunt.
Speaker 5Casey None of it. It made me laugh, it didn't hurt my feelings, it made me giggle. I was like, oh, that's a seventh grade thing, yeah that's typical seventh grade Like ugh. She looked good though.
Speaker 9She looked happy.
Speaker 8She was talking with her friends and I interrupted her and I was like yep, Goddamn kids.
Speaker 2What are your kids being for Halloween?
Speaker 8Oh yeah, molly is a Squishmallow, specifically a fox with a mermaid body.
Speaker 2A fox.
Speaker 5A fox maid what?
Speaker 2A mer-fox Fox head and mermaid body.
Speaker 11I mean, it's just a thing, you put on, she gonna jump down the street with her fin. I don't know.
Speaker 8I mean she's feet. She got got feet, she's got legs. Are you going to fill up a?
Speaker 2Are you going to fill up like an igloo cooler with water and have her in it and then pull her in like a wagon.
Speaker 8No, your feet are out, you ding-dongs. You said, mermaid, what's sauce? Not going to be he don't know, Molly keeps saying a hot dog she's like just get him a hot dog. I don't know, he is not into anything, he does not care, he's just like the most kid that I've ever known in my entire life. He's just going to go ask for candy as. Sawyer.
Speaker 5Can I just have her? I'm a YouTuber. What about the girls? What are they going to be? Rylan is an angel, but of course she is, she is molly was gonna be that, but um not fitting lies yeah kenzie is a character from some book that I don't know.
Speaker 11Good job, dad.
Speaker 5Yeah, I don't know that was the most dad answer yeah, some movie I don't know, it. That was the most dad answer it's a movie I don't know.
Speaker 8Do you read it to him?
Speaker 11No, it's like what you know I can't read.
Speaker 2Why are you calling him out on the podcast?
Speaker 5I'm a dick, my bad, do it.
Speaker 4Taylor, you don't sound like that, I do.
Speaker 8I haven't read my list.
Speaker 2No, Molly's been she find your no Again no.
Speaker 8She's been reading really well lately, because last year she had trouble. She's been reading Sawyer's Dog man books.
Speaker 12Yay.
Speaker 8Yeah. But she was reading something else and we were in the bed and she was reading and I had to go to the bathroom and I could hear her trying to sound it out and she's like and then I walk out of the bathroom and she's like and I was like, what are you reading? And I was like it's Pocahontas.
Hilarious Birthday Gram and Trick-or-Treating
Speaker 5Pochitonimus, pochitonimus, pochitonimus Pochitonimus Hip-hop anonymous, I did.
Speaker 8She read her kitty cat unicorn, whatever books we got her for christmas. Yeah, I mean like I have to help her, but sure but the dog man are really easy for her because they're like short kind of you know yeah, absolutely yeah.
Speaker 11Good, that's good though.
Speaker 2Yeah, what you taught me ignore an eight casey is she uh huh ignoring a casey he's still hung up on that.
Speaker 5It was really funny and the teacher I was with was like, do you know?
Speaker 7her. Yeah, no, are you sure?
Speaker 5that was her I said, yeah, that's like kind of a niece-ish yeah, this kid's kind of an asshole though, you know.
Speaker 2Hey, you need to, you need to ask kinsey act like you don't know the story and did you see casey on? Tuesday did casey actually come by? Was she at highland east the other day, or whatever?
Speaker 11no, and uh yeah, she had 20 bucks for you that I told her to give to you yes did you get it?
Speaker 5did casey give you that 20 dollars?
Speaker 11she's like god damn it.
Speaker 2She had a hershey bar for you, just to see if Kinsey was like, oh yeah, I talked to her and gave her a hug and be like no, you didn't because I embarrassed the shit out of her in the hallway during passing period oh, she's a little liar and I can't wait to do it again she'll lie about it.
Speaker 5I was so close because I saw her in the morning. It was like I don't know, after second hour, maybe like between second and third hour or something around there. And in the morning I was like, oh, I'm going to find out Kinsey's schedule, I'm going to go see her in class Like I'm going to really lay it on thick and embarrass her. And I saw her in the hallway. I was like, oh, perfect, and then I decided, ok, okay, I won't do that, but I think I'm gonna do it like next week just pop into her class and just sit and be like mckenzie, sloan tibideau
Speaker 11mckenzie, sloan, tibideau to the office, please you have been naughty licking daddy said you're a little liar. When's her birthday detention October 21st no birthday for you?
Speaker 5is that during the week?
Speaker 8I don't know, or is it?
Speaker 5over a weekend. It's a Monday. A Monday, I'm gonna go sing to her on her birthday. Happy birthday, oh my god do a like a.
Speaker 8What do y'all a like a? Do a, or what do I call them? What do y'all call them? Like a sing-a-gram or something.
Speaker 4Yeah, like a birthday gram or something.
Speaker 5Happy birthday.
Speaker 2Oh my God, do one of those things I don't know. Barbershop, Barbershop.
Speaker 5I am totally going to get a quartet together and we're going to go sing Happy birthday. Happy birthday to you.
Speaker 8Happy birthday to you. Shut up, it's a Kenzie, just take Taylor.
Speaker 2Y'all do a duo. Take Taylor.
Speaker 8That was my Bruce Buffer there.
Speaker 2I got a nickel in my pocket, a nickel in my pocket.
Speaker 3Got a penny in my pocket.
Speaker 9A nickel in my pocket. Bring Ted and grab it.
Speaker 3Got a penny in my shoe. That's really my deck yeah see.
Speaker 6Happy birthday Yank on her baby.
Speaker 3Happy birthday to you Smack my ass.
Speaker 5Smack my ass and call me, sally.
Speaker 11Call me Sally Call me.
Speaker 6Sally, please, daddy, smack it.
Speaker 5So, speaking of books, what was the last book you read? That's a lot of shit, did you shit?
Speaker 11I didn't shit Huckleberry Finn Probably a menu.
Speaker 5A menu.
Speaker 11What's the last thing you read? Menu at BJ's Fucking menu man.
Speaker 5Fucking Cheesecake Factory. It's man fucking cheesecake factory novel, yeah that is a fucking novel chapter book man and it only has a few pictures can we help you?
Speaker 15uh with what uh?
Speaker 11your order, sir. I'm only on chapter three yeah, like god damn, give me like hours.
Speaker 8Can we get the?
Speaker 2audio book. I turned the light back on.
Speaker 8I like the alien vibe. Yeah, see.
Speaker 11It's illumination, see.
Speaker 5It's the 21st century Electricity. Where are y'all going to?
Speaker 2go. You're just going to stick around the neighborhood there for trick-or-treating on Halloween.
Speaker 11You're going to work your way around trick-or-treating on halloween. You're gonna work your way uh around what do you did trick-or-treating.
Speaker 5What do?
Speaker 2you did. You're gonna find a rich neighborhood to take them to my face. Does that to people?
Speaker 8I don't know. We hadn't thought about it because bobby lane is probably not very popping, so probably not. That's where I we usually go is the Eric and the Glenn's neighborhood.
Speaker 11Just typical serial killers out there.
Speaker 8So either we go to my ghetto neighborhood or you should come to our neighborhood.
Speaker 11I bet this neighborhood's great.
Speaker 8I ain't driving over here on like a Tuesday or something. It's a Thursday, same season. Take Friday off.
Speaker 2I think they should actually do like the next day off, for I agree for kids, for I think, for teachers monday off after fall break, thanks.
Speaker 5Now I have to fuck on my whole week, the following week too I think three days off school should be off the day after halloween, just for teacher's sake.
Speaker 2I was gonna say for teachers, yeah, fuck maybe that's where they ought to put fall break.
Speaker 8Fucking makes sense or those stupid professional days yeah fucking professional stupid fucking professional professional development days that's
Speaker 3my job, that's my job that's my job and, like all the don't do it on the day after Halloween.
Speaker 2I've been working on it for months On professional day, I've got to watch these mandatory videos.
Speaker 8About what.
Speaker 5The professional development I put on is fucking great. Oh, thank you.
Speaker 11Bob and Sally are sitting down for lunch. And one of them slides their hand over to oh wait I had pg, you had rated, r, rated triple x bob slides off his shoe and puts it up sally's skirt and sally says, not my moisture oyster your toenails need trim there.
Speaker 2Bob, that's a switch.
Speaker 7Try it out man.
Speaker 11Try it out, hard fucking core. Yeah, bob feels assaulted about the toenail comment, so he goes to HR.
Speaker 5If it takes him four minutes to walk to HR at a rate of Bob, but Bob's toenails are extra long, so it takes him 4.7 minutes.
Speaker 2There's wind resistance and they're scrapey, you got to learn HIPAA and FERPA, ferpa.
Speaker 4And.
Speaker 2EII.
Speaker 16Not.
Speaker 5HIPAA Show me your co-tangents. Sally, I did Not in schools.
Speaker 2I thought we were talking about school professional development. You're not the only person.
Speaker 8We were talking about. You're not the only professional that needs developing in this room.
Speaker 2We're talking about I love having control of the.
Speaker 4Fuck you Bob. Did she call you Bob? Yeah, she called me Bob, I was just trying to Don't fuck you.
Speaker 8What are you wanting from me? Oh my god, we got a package today at my job.
Speaker 11Was it a big package?
Speaker 8It kind of was Was it a big game of box? I don't know what that was. Why are you fucking?
Speaker 5with my voice. You're an ass and you're not getting any blowjobs.
Speaker 11Filter off oh.
Speaker 4Okay, tell us about your dick in a box package.
Speaker 8Oh yeah, so we got a package at work and they're doing construction across the street. Turn it off Getting a new building. And the package was for Richard Brown. I go, do we have a Dick Brown? Dick Brown.
Speaker 5Brown, dick Brown, dick Brown. So hard.
Speaker 4Where's the?
Speaker 9Brown.
Speaker 4Dick, it was all the construction workers yeah, they're all.
Speaker 1Show it to me, show it to me they to me Prove it.
Speaker 8They were like he's the GC, the general contractor, he's in the, he's in the. What do they call it?
Speaker 11Trailer the shitter.
Speaker 8I was like Dick's in the trailer, Got it.
Speaker 4He was Richard Brown.
Speaker 11Is he in the Brown trailer? It was white, it was white, it was white it was round, it was the best part of my day brown.
Speaker 8Yeah, I go by rick. Is there a dick brown in here? I would definitely go by dick brown ricky, ricky, ricky ricky
Speaker 5ricky, ricky, ricky, ricky ricky, ricky, ricky ricky ricky ricky, ricky, ricky oh my god, you're gonna wear those fucking suspenders all the time.
Speaker 8Oh, I thought you were going to say something else. Oh my God, You're going to wear those bad.
Speaker 2Maybe I'm going to hook him to my underwear Two spannies.
Speaker 5Alien mask? Oh God, Absolutely not.
Speaker 1Oh no, Take me to your leader.
Speaker 2Probe me, baby. I wouldn't put your face in that mask now. It probably smells like oyster moisture.
Speaker 5Can that be the name of the episode? Oyster moisture? Yeah, you're going to forget Oyster moisture, the Halloween special.
Speaker 8Oyster moisture, oyster moisture in the clamshell gang. It's like a Spongebob episode it is Oyster Moisture. Isn't that the Krabby Patty from Wendy's I?
Speaker 2wanna get it Oyster Moisture and the Clamshell Gang Bang.
Speaker 4Gang bang, no, gang bang, no. Oyster Moisture should be a Like a Toot scoot A new like it's a skincare.
Speaker 5Oyster moisture should be like a new Summer's Eve or like female deodorant Oyster moisturizer.
Speaker 8Moisturizing wipe.
Speaker 11Oyster de-moisture.
Speaker 5Oyster moisturizer yeah, when you're too dry.
Speaker 9It's lube. It's lube. Oyster moisturizer is lube when you're too dry it's lube, it's lube.
Speaker 5Oyster moisturizer is lube.
Speaker 2Did Hurricane Milton give you oyster moisture? Well, try oyster moisture and dry it all up.
Speaker 11Is there a clam leaving?
Speaker 2snail trails. Yeah, that's why I'm so glad summer is almost done.
Speaker 4Is there a clam leaving snail trails.
Speaker 2I leave snail trails during the hot months. I'm tired of it.
Speaker 11I'm sagging, I know Dripping, I know oh dripping.
Speaker 2When I get off that seat and I see there's a snail trail, I kind of do this and try to help it dry off real quick. I hate that it's so embarrassing.
Speaker 11I do it all the time you get a moose knuckle drag mark.
Speaker 5No it happens like Every now and then it skips. It doesn't drip. No it's moist If I'm wearing like I drip If I'm wearing shorts.
Speaker 8Oh well, go to the doctor.
Speaker 4I think it's leaking.
Speaker 5Uh-oh. If I'm wearing shorts or like a skirt or something, and I sit on like a vinyl seat at a restaurant.
Speaker 8You leave a trail.
Speaker 5Just from where my thighs are Not from the oyster.
Speaker 2My butt hole does. Oh, I thought you meant your balls, when my mermaid thighs touch Dude all the time.
Speaker 5No, my vagina's fine.
Speaker 2I have to have it cold, so I don't leave a snell trail your balls. That's what? No, my butthole it just oozes. That's why he doesn't get his salad tossed, I would not want that that is no one's going down to chernobyl and putting their face right there.
Speaker 8Good parts, you can go on, that aren't gross.
Speaker 2What.
Speaker 5What did you say?
Speaker 8To go on.
Speaker 2What is it A cruise.
Speaker 8No, I said, there's plenty of good parts you can diddle on or whatever I said. Diddle With a bunch of washable markers that aren't gross like a fucking bubble With my tongue.
Speaker 2Oh, you said diddle, not doodle. Well, I mean.
Speaker 5I lick his balls, okay.
Speaker 2Here we go, the party's over here we go. Hold on, hold on there we go. I have to have that butt in the bathroom.
Speaker 5Repeat. I don't lick on him a lot though. Okay, hold on Repeat. All right, Play it back.
Speaker 6The party's over, all right. I back party's over, all right, like that, can you?
Speaker 8turn that party's over into a soundbite. I don't know. Yeah, you're fucked up. You don't know what's going on, man I got something. I think it's great what y'all do before I got here. What did I do to this nothing?
Speaker 5oh nothing well, just rewind the video beep, I feel it I'm singing, yeah I won't you mean business okay you're a singer, that makes sense, feel it hey man, yeah ready.
Speaker 4Amen, amen, ready I don't know the words.
Speaker 5I feel this in my bones. What is she wearing?
Speaker 9I feel it every day.
Speaker 5Amen, lord. Is that like in Psalms, or something? I think so. I like that one. That was a good one. I like that. I want to go to that church. I like that?
Speaker 2Oh, I like that. Lord, help me from slapping somebody today.
Speaker 4Dang it Seth stop.
Speaker 2I like it. I like it. Hey, you know what? It's time for Toilet Talks, what's?
Speaker 8that, albert Finn, let's go full throttle.
Speaker 4Full throttle, I just super dotted my pants Super dotted my pants Beep boop, bop.
Speaker 3Oh no Green donuts. Oh God Donuts, they're delicious.
Speaker 8Is it?
Speaker 3And if you had one, you would want another one. Mm-mm. Amen to that, yeah sister Speak my language.
Speaker 8I mean, I do like them.
Speaker 2I used to love her.
Speaker 16The lady's like, oh dude, this is so easy, I'm ready for the ring.
Speaker 4Oh my God, oh my God, I don't like that.
Speaker 5What were?
Speaker 8you going to say have you seen the one? What, oh where? It's like when you're not good at small talk and the old lady's like have you ever had a Krispy Kreme donut?
Speaker 5She's very caring.
Speaker 8She goes was it Krispy? And the lady goes no, she goes exactly.
Speaker 7Exactly.
Speaker 8Was it creamy, that's my favorite.
Speaker 4Oh God, what is he doing? Oh get it.
Speaker 5Go, boy go. That's Tibby Jungle favorite that is Tibby.
Speaker 11That's after my wife falls asleep.
Speaker 2Oh, my God.
Speaker 4I love you, oh buck buck.
Speaker 6Bunk he likes it.
Speaker 2Hang on, guys, I'm hard they're all giggling like little girls.
Speaker 8Hang on you remember dick, put your boner away like oh, oh, that's a great time to pause.
Speaker 2The answer is no I almost put this guy in tiktok Bachelors but it is so disturbing. I did not Just wait. Where does he want it?
Speaker 11He's gonna let you know. He's gonna let you know Does he have teeth.
Speaker 5I bet that nose can do some work, though.
Speaker 7Yeah this guy knows some shit man in the canoe.
Speaker 2Oh, give me some sugar this morning.
Speaker 4Oh no, Pause it.
Speaker 11Why is his tongue black? I don't know, licorice, he's been eating the licorice.
Speaker 2It's not rotting, it's not drugs. He's been eating licorice, the black licorice. No, no, licorice. Oh my God, he's been eating the licorice, the licorice. It's around my nose. It's not rotting, it's not drugs. He's been eating licorice, the black licorice.
Speaker 5No, no that doodle, that doodle right there, that doodle man, that doodle boy Doodle right there. Chocolate.
Speaker 2Chocolate Eye surgery or something? You can see his glasses behind those glasses.
Speaker 11He gave him frostbite in the tongue.
Speaker 5The voice was not what I was expecting.
Speaker 12That was almost as.
Speaker 5Oh that was so disturbing.
Speaker 2Oh, just wait, oh there's more.
Speaker 8I am so dry right now.
Speaker 5There was zero oyster moisture happening.
Speaker 2No, oyster moisture.
Speaker 11Alright, here we go. Oysters are out to sea, stop it.
Speaker 2Do you think Dad and Jeff do this on their like guide trips?
Speaker 5Do you think he had like a cupcake with black icing or something? I'm going to go with that. I'm so uncomfortable. Did he just raspberry eclipse?
Speaker 4Oh yeah, I'm a cookie musher, I will do. I'm good this morning. Just get up, I need subtitles.
Speaker 5Please, I really need.
Speaker 11I wouldn't want to dirty up my butthole.
Speaker 2That's what he gave the other guy.
Speaker 5That's what happened, that is one of the best things you've ever said to me. That's one of the best things you've ever said. I don't want to dirty up my butthole with this mouth.
Speaker 11No, no that's a dirty seat, you're gonna have to wash out your mouth before you get to my butthole, will you please?
Speaker 4Stop. Oh my god, I can't Does he?
Speaker 5have a plate. It's a super power.
Speaker 4What is he saying? Scooby-dooby-doo in the morning, scooby-dooby-doo, scooby-dooby-doo, scooby-dooby-doo, scooby-dooby-doo.
Speaker 1Scooby-dooby-Doo, scooby-doo and Scrappy-Doo.
Speaker 4Scrappy-Doo and Scrappy-Doo, scrappy-doo and Scrappy-Doo.
Speaker 13He pulls the mask off If I wasn't for you kids, I wouldn't be here.
Speaker 4Thank you, baby.
Speaker 5Oh, we understood that. Thank you, baby. Is he like the penguin? Will you please turn him into?
Speaker 9Turn it off Stop raspberry-ing Clint.
Speaker 5That's so wrong. Will you please use him on the soundboard from now on? Thank you baby, thank you baby.
Speaker 7In the morning.
Speaker 4Thank you baby, oh, oh.
Speaker 2Hey girl Is that her hey girl, me or Tibby, I can't tell.
Speaker 5Who, which I think it's Tibby.
Speaker 9Ah, I think it's.
Speaker 4Tibby.
Speaker 2It's Tibby. No, taylor, she wants Taylor.
Speaker 11I think it's.
Speaker 5Mmm, ah, pepperoni titties. What about?
Speaker 8your own melons Challenge. I didn't know this.
Speaker 2Is this like the ice bucket challenge? I didn't know this was going around.
Speaker 11now, oh you motorboat them boys.
Speaker 2I think you started it.
Speaker 7You are a motorboat, son of a bitch. This is the motorboat your own melons challenge. Oh no, okay.
Speaker 5Oh, my God. He won. Taylor, can you motorboat your own melons? No, toss me my keys, that hurts.
Speaker 14I said my keys, I thought you said printer. Why the fuck, would I say printer.
Speaker 11Why the fuck would I?
Speaker 4say printer? What's that? Why the fuck would I say printer? It's your cousin from Boston, it's your cousin from Boston, from Boston, from Boston, from Boston, from Boston, from Boston, from Boston from Boston, from Boston, from Boston from Boston from Boston from Boston from Boston, from Boston, from Boston, from Boston from Boston from Boston from Boston from Boston, from Boston, from Boston, from Boston, from Boston, from Boston, from Boston from Boston from.
Speaker 5Boston. Oh no, I'm gone.
Speaker 4Oh no.
Speaker 5Goodbye. What is he gonna hump? What's your bet?
Speaker 9Mom has left the fucking house, baby, you're gonna just destroy that furniture.
Speaker 4He's gonna hump. Oh, oh, you're mine.
Speaker 7Oh, my god, I'm gonna give it to ya. Wait, oh, is she coming back? I heard the keys.
Speaker 11I can't just put it away.
Speaker 8It stings Every male's instinct is to just hump, no matter the breed species, human, alien, it don't matter Dog, cat.
Speaker 2Casey, you're going shopping with your mom. Okay, see you later.
Speaker 5Not even masturbating, just humping.
Speaker 4Driving, pillows Pushing, I'm okay.
Speaker 11I don't need an armchair.
Speaker 4I'm okay.
Speaker 5That's me.
Speaker 8Oh God, oh no Me in the future. Yeah, this is you and friend boy.
Speaker 5Oh, they're swingers. Look at that they're pineapples.
Speaker 6They're swingers, pineapple pen.
Speaker 5I got a pineapple. And he wants it in the butt.
Speaker 4I'm a quick pumper. I'm a quick pumper.
Speaker 11Oh shit, oh shit.
Speaker 4Oh no, where the fuck did he?
Speaker 2fall to Do it again Do it again.
Speaker 8Why would you do that?
Speaker 2He was screaming forever.
Speaker 5Oh, oh, we get the humpers again. Yeah, sorry about that. They're doing that in Walmart.
Speaker 8Can you imagine if you saw them videoing that? I know. I'd be like they're swingers.
Speaker 5Are they making a TikTok?
Speaker 2Is that how you check?
Speaker 5pineapples, You're going to buy those right? They're swingers who are open for business.
Speaker 11That's what that means. I saw you get some of that oyster Okay.
Speaker 8Where does this dude fall? To this dude falls too. I think he's in China, man China, what's in there?
Speaker 4Fuck sake, oh fuck sake. I love babies, that cuss.
Speaker 6I think it's the best thing Fuck sake.
Speaker 3I'm so sad.
Speaker 4Oh boy, oh no.
Speaker 5You're fucked up for life. The thing is, I don't like those videos.
Speaker 2The thing is that's not the first time someone slipped on that fucking tile outside of that house.
Speaker 5I guarantee that I hate those videos. That looks different. I can't watch those. All right, supreme, oh god, wait for it.
Speaker 7The N-word. The N-word.
Speaker 4Of course, the N-word, the N-word, the N-word. Why, why did?
Speaker 5you say that that's a dog, the N-word.
Speaker 6Mice fart louder than you right now.
Speaker 4Here it is.
Speaker 11Oh, you're going to poop.
Speaker 8She's excited. I peed my pants. Oh no, I peed my pants.
Speaker 5It happens. Oh, she really peed her pants, oh, peed her pants.
Speaker 11Laughing words again. Wasn't that your favorite costume?
Speaker 4Yeah, I just peed my pants Peter Pan oh no.
Speaker 2When you accidentally become important at work and everybody starts asking you how to do things this is Taylor at work what the fuck shit, god damn it.
Speaker 4I don't know. This is Taylor at work. Listen. What the fuck, shit, shit, god damn it. Shit, shit, the fuck, the fuck.
Speaker 5Man, god damn, is Taylor in her office. That is me, god damn God damn.
Speaker 16The average dong is 5.17 inches long One mile.17 inches long One mile is. I love math.
Speaker 2There's about to be some serious science going on right here.
Speaker 16Just listen, ready 5,280 feet, so we multiply that by 12. We get 63,360 inches. So we take that number and we divide it by dong and we get 12,255.3191 dong.
Speaker 5That's a lot of dongs Dongs per mile, no wait.
Speaker 2So if 3.14 is pi, 5.17 is dong.
Speaker 8Oh, pi and dong, Okay got it Per mile.
Speaker 16So the circumference of Earth is 24,901.461 miles. So we multiply that by dongs per mile. By dongs we have a total of 305,175,351 dongs to go around Earth. We're not just down there. You're probably asking yourself how many dongs is the average man? Well, the average man is 5 feet 7.5 inches. So some quick math is 67.5 inches. So we divide that again by dong.5 inches. So some quick math is 67.5 inches. So we divide that again by dong. And I get 13.0560928 dong's tall. Oh, that makes sense.
Speaker 2And look, we get that information from that guy, not Neil deGrasse Tyson.
Speaker 5Hey you be nice about Neil deGrasse Tyson.
Speaker 2I'm sure he'll calculate how many dongs it takes to go around the universe. He didn't even know what dong was. I bet he does. 5.17.
Speaker 5I bet his dong is. Who are you talking about? Neil deGrasse Tyson.
Speaker 11I bet his dong's in deGrasse, degrasse.
Speaker 2Not deGrasse, andre deGrasse.
Speaker 4Andre Degrassi, didn't he play tennis, his dong's that long long dong, long dong silver wait.
Speaker 5Why do we do long?
Speaker 2dong in an.
Speaker 5Asian accent that's not accurate we got a long dong here. We got a long dong here you Long dong, long dong.
Speaker 4We got a long dong here.
Speaker 6You want long dong. A long dong you a happy ending.
Speaker 4I got special or long dong. You want long dong? Very special. You want long dong turkey special.
Speaker 5You'll get fried rice Super moist.
Speaker 2Come inside of Ostro. Moisture, super moist we're canceled. Well, we finish this. Sorry, Philippines. Okay, here we go, next to Moistop today.
Speaker 3The fart pedal.
Speaker 4Oh.
Speaker 9Oh, my God.
Speaker 2Ask Casey after.
Speaker 4Baskin-Boobs, I told you don't go to Ricky's. Who had the Ricky's, who had the Ricky's.
Speaker 5Is that the new podcast song?
Speaker 2The next podcast intro song will be all done on the fart pit. It better be. Can I have another?
Speaker 11Burger King will do that to me.
Speaker 6Burger King Burger King.
Speaker 5We can pause and you can go pee pee.
Speaker 11Burger King gives me the toots. Who does the King the?
Speaker 5King, ew, I don't eat there.
Speaker 8Burger King Me either. I love the king. Ew, I don't eat there.
Speaker 11Burger King Me either.
Speaker 5I love.
Speaker 9Burger King. Oh, you know what's worse than Burger King Carl's Jr Ew.
Speaker 8Just fucking white trash me now.
Speaker 2Jesus.
Speaker 8Christ White trash me now.
Speaker 11I haven't had that for a while.
Speaker 5I don't like. I love Burger King. Ew, I do.
Speaker 9Flame. I love Burger.
Speaker 11King Ew, I do Flame broiled, flame broiled farts.
Speaker 2I want fake, oh I think a little came out, oh shit.
Speaker 11Damn. Oh, it blinks, and shit too, oh, okay.
Speaker 5And now you have a Kentucky Fried Chicken shirt.
Speaker 11Oh, dude, I love this. I'm going to wear this to my next day at work. I'm not shitting you, oh no.
Speaker 2I saw that at the store today and I was like I just have to buy this.
Speaker 17I love it. I've never seen a Kentucky.
Speaker 3Fried Chicken shirt. So why did?
Speaker 5you get us all shirts. Do you want to tell that story, since we didn't get to get our?
Speaker 2shirts. Okay, so the aliens were dressed as humans. Oh so, and this is what humans wear? Yeah, suspenders, uh graphic tees.
Speaker 11Sure, yeah, cool and such. Yeah, back your t-shirt over your head for some tp well, that makes your bunghole yeah.
Speaker 2They don't have bungholes. I don't know, we didn't get to interview them.
Speaker 5Aliens don't have bungholes.
Speaker 2We don't know that, do you know?
Speaker 5that that was such a dainty sit that you just did.
Speaker 8Yeah, because I tried to finger one and they were like I don't have a bunghole.
Speaker 2She got a cable plug in oh my God, was it an alien or a legal alien? I?
Speaker 9have presence? What?
Speaker 8Huh, there's this. I don't think he's illegal, but there's this illegal alien, I think, at work. He's a landscaper and he always says hey my friend and he tries to talk to me for so long and I'm like he's like he's your husband and I'm like he's like what's your husband? And I'm like he's at work.
Speaker 2He's trying to get that green card. You got kids, and then I found out he was like.
Speaker 8I know you from somewhere.
Speaker 2I know the podcast.
Speaker 8And I was like the podcast. I said, well, where are you from? And he goes Mexico. And I said no. I said where do you live? I said where do you live now? And he goes Mustang. I said oh, that's where I live in Mustang. And he's like oh, you go to Las Fuerzas.
Speaker 7Yes.
Speaker 2He waited on you?
Speaker 8No, I think he just eats there. Oh, that means it's good Mexican.
Speaker 2Yeah, if he eats there.
Speaker 8It is good what's happening right now?
Speaker 9Your headphones aren't even on Stop.
Speaker 12Stop right now, quit, don't you dare move the knock hard.
Speaker 4It's coming, it's coming, that's.
Speaker 5Daniel, that's.
Speaker 4Daniel, he crapped, he crapped, he crapped. I smell a shit. That's Daniel. He crapped, he crapped, he crapped, he crapped.
Speaker 2I don't know if I'm gonna throw up or shit.
Speaker 8That was Daniel oh.
Speaker 5I guess that answers that question.
Speaker 11What was the question? I missed the question. If he farts, he'll leave shit in his pants.
Speaker 8Yeah well, he shit Always, you're a boy.
Speaker 4My car. It's coming, jeff, jeff.
Speaker 7I'm about gone.
Speaker 4Did he cry?
Speaker 7out. I like the dad.
Speaker 2The dad's been quiet.
Speaker 7The whole time. Did he cry out, did he cry out.
Speaker 11I don't think I smell it.
Speaker 7I don't know if I'm not a throw up or shit my pants. Oh.
Speaker 11Throw up or shit, my Fuck the fuck you, the dogs love. What in your?
Speaker 2face get beyondip. Jones, what Sniff, sniff Deep.
Speaker 11Oh, he's going to get pink eye.
Speaker 2This is the oddest father-son trip.
Speaker 5Are you sure they're father-son? That's a weird kink. I don't know that might be tweaked. I mean, I think, one of them calls the other one daddy but I don't think it's father-son Okay.
Speaker 4Yeah, this is the last. Come clean me up, mommy. What the heck.
Speaker 5Oh, my God the kid was reflecting on his own shit. What, what, the heck.
Speaker 4What the heck.
Speaker 8So funny. Oh my God, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 10Oh boy, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, she was more like a booty queen From a movie scene. I said not mine. But what do you mean? I am the one who will dance on the floor In the warm. She said I am the one who will dance on the floor in the one. She said I am the one who will dance on the floor in the one. She told me her name was Billie Jean, magical justine. She said we dance, we will win the dream of being the one who will dance on the floor in the one?
Speaker 4is he French? Don't go around doing what to a young girl Pardon, I don't know, I'm making no joke. What to a young girl? Uh, farting, I don't know. Make a ninja a fart.
Speaker 10Gonna rest on me, because what you love, because love's what you do, we like because we do.
Speaker 4Yeah, anything. You knock my doorbell me just a. Can you saying that to a young girl?
Speaker 11She's just a cool girl.
Speaker 4And she claimed that I had the one. The kitty clean the iron don't I Ducky, ducky, ducky, ducky.
Speaker 6As a blind mom of two. Here's how I know my toddler is ripped off his diaper and peed somewhere in the house. I love this one oh dang.
Speaker 5She does the funniest fucking video as a blind mom of two my God, she's so fucking funny as a blind mom of two.
Speaker 6Here's how I know my toddler has ripped off his diaper and peed somewhere in the house.
Speaker 11Peacocks refers to the males of the peafowl species.
Speaker 14The females are called paginas.
Speaker 5As they should be, hey look.
Speaker 2We've had some serious science on this show, as they should be.
Speaker 7Hey look, Paginas. We've had some serious science on this show right now on this episode. That's pretty scientific Pagina Pagina. Did you see the?
Speaker 5vagina. Did you see that vagina? Look at the peacock in the vagina Stunning. Look at the vagina in the wild. I see a peacock in the vagina.
Speaker 2Did that peacock go in the vagina? Oh?
Speaker 5Did you know that IBS is a?
Speaker 4symptom of parasites.
Speaker 9No, it's not Did you know that acne is a sign of parasites.
Speaker 5It's not In your butthole.
Speaker 2Okay.
Speaker 12Constipation.
Speaker 2Okay.
Speaker 11Acne is diarrhea.
Speaker 3Got that Urethra.
Speaker 2Got that Wait, I have parasites. I have constipation and diarrhea.
Speaker 5I don't know how you have those simultaneously, but I got them Two different parasites.
Speaker 8Oh no, that's whenever your butthole's gagging.
Speaker 5Your butthole's dry, even Dry even.
Speaker 12Not sleeping at night, insomnia yeah.
Speaker 8Anxiety yeah, anxiety yeah.
Speaker 2Wait. I can't sleep at night because my booty parasites are keeping me up.
Speaker 5Those are called demons. And your acne.
Speaker 11Itchy butthole, wait, wait.
Speaker 4Wait, wait, hang on. I didn't hear her, I was scratching my butt.
Speaker 11What is he saying? Wait, wait, itchy butthole, itchy butt Is that the technical term?
Speaker 2Sometimes I can't sleep at night. I have constipation and diarrhea at the same time. I get IBS from breathing.
Speaker 11Itchy butt syndrome.
Speaker 2And I got itchy butt, I got fucking parasite y'all A clean butthole TMJ.
Speaker 8What TMJ Uh-uh.
Speaker 11That's how you scratch in your butthole. Symptoms of parasites.
Speaker 8Oh my God, Drink it Fucking idiot.
Speaker 5I want that to be a sound of the board too. Drink it.
Speaker 2I got a surprise for everyone.
Speaker 12Maybe not Tibby, he may not know her, but yes, man, I was wondering how long it was gonna take somebody to ask me this.
Speaker 9I love her, hmm, hmm well, I love her Hmm.
Speaker 12Hmm, well, smells a little bit like Spam, the kind in the can. I love her. Maybe a little bit like a Vianney sausage, geraldine, god damn it. No more. Like Spam Spam, but the spicy kind. Like Spam Spam, but the spicy kind of Spam. You know what I'm talking about.
Speaker 11Oh my God, because today's Tuesday and shit.
Speaker 12I'm not that good at it when it smells, so I hope that that answered your question. And, groff, think of me next time you open a can of spicy Spam, would ya?
Speaker 11Hold that tight.
Speaker 12Alright, have a good day.
Speaker 5Talk to y'all later bye, I need her and what's-his-face-with-the-teeth? The rollerblading teeth guy.
Speaker 6Oh yeah. I need them to do a duet.
Speaker 8So how you doing today Caught me blading I was blading to die.
Speaker 7The black tongue guy.
Speaker 8No, no but have you seen troll the blade guy?
Speaker 5you know the little girl on trolls, that's a troll, that's what you're the little girl on troll like in the first one, yeah, like the one that they like kind of boost up, boost your self-esteem, isn't?
Speaker 8she a troll yeah.
Speaker 5She's a. Yeah.
Speaker 2We're not talking about internet trolls, no.
Speaker 8The movie Trolls she looks like a Borgendorger or whatever.
Speaker 2A Borgendorger.
Speaker 8The orcs or whatever that eat the trolls. She's not an orc, a Borgendorger.
Speaker 5They're a Borgendorgen, a Borgendorgen.
Speaker 11They're a Borgend Borgendorgen. Yeah, they're pretty her up, the little girl Borgern. She looks just like that she does A Buggerborgen A?
Speaker 5Buggerborgen With her buck teeth yeah.
Speaker 8That's what I remember. Ooh, can I, can I go?
Speaker 5for that, for Halloween Geraldine or Bufenberger or whatever.
Speaker 8Yes, geraldine the Borganberger, that haircut Ooh.
Speaker 6Is there anybody here with us willing to communicate?
Speaker 11No, I'm going to fart, Monica.
Speaker 8That was loud that was loud. Monica. Yes, girl Monica, that was loud.
Speaker 5That was loud, Monica. Yes, I'll do it again, Girl Well.
Speaker 12I look beautiful. Yeah, you do, I look vibrant.
Speaker 5Yeah, you do.
Speaker 12I'm a blowing bombshell. Hell yeah, pretty much. Look like an angel now.
Speaker 8You are an angel, I'm glowing, ain't I Glowing?
Speaker 5The men are going to be in my DMs after they see this video, that's for sure.
Speaker 12You're the prettiest it's been a little bit slow lately, to tell you the truth. I know Not, no more, not with these bangs.
Speaker 8Those bangs are. They're banging.
Speaker 12Boss, geraldine's a new woman, just look at me.
Speaker 11I am Go ahead, look at it.
Speaker 12I've never looked better.
Speaker 4I know, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me Call me Every time boss calls me.
Speaker 5that's why I picture.
Speaker 1We're able to mimic Nessie Amun's more science for the audience Voice by recreating his mouth and vocal cords with a 3D printer. It allowed them to produce a single sound, god damn Jimmy, this is some serious gourmet shit.
Speaker 4God damn Jimmy. God damn Jimmy.
Speaker 11Some serious gourmet shit, god damn, this's a juicy burger.
Speaker 1Scientists were able to mimic Nessie Amun's voice by recreating his mouth and vocal cords with a 3D printer. It allowed them to produce a single sound God damn Jimmy, this is some serious gourmet shit.
Speaker 4Did they rock my dick? Good?
Speaker 12Did it make it Look how pretty she is, Rita you keep bugging for my attention, so you're getting a video. No video, you're begging. Which has did come true. And since you keep telling me to hush it when I'm doing my singing videos, I'm going to sing you a song. Oh, it's a classic.
Speaker 2GEB. Hit her with it, geraldine, geb, geraldine, yeah, you know, get it.
Speaker 12I hovered to the Walmart with hopes high in the sky. Oh, this is powerful. I wandered up and down every aisle.
Speaker 5Raise your ladders, everybody.
Speaker 12Papaw picked me up About twenty minutes later.
Speaker 3Oh, papaw, papaw the cashier.
Speaker 11Man said EBT won't get you a vibrator?
Speaker 12Oh that's stupid. But I couldn't tell Papaw, Papaw oh that's stupid, Papaw.
Speaker 5It's a heartbreak song.
Speaker 12You can't tell Papaw, definitely not. No, tell pap off like how much you want to bone? Definitely not his old best friend gary. No, she's pretty hot, I ran into my room, threw myself onto the bed. Oh, I cried and cried, and then I wept and wept.
Speaker 5What's the difference between crying and weeping?
Speaker 12It wasn't long until my hand found the heat of undercarriage Moisturizer. This ain't the kind of love where you gotta wait until marriage. Sorry, I'm doing it Half all. Come to check on me. He said why's it stinking here, geraldine?
Speaker 4But I couldn't tell Papaw.
Speaker 12He will never know why my running hands smell like a tomboy Sometimes you can't tell Papaw.
Speaker 4You can't tell Papaw it's going to go. Sonny, make it some spicy spam Now, Papaw, go back to bed.
Speaker 5Papaw. Make sure you take your Metamucil, papaw make a tuna bowl in there your. Metamucil.
Speaker 6Metamucil, metamucil.
Speaker 5Buy this and I'll make a tuna bowl in there, your Metamucil, metamucil.
Speaker 11Metamucil. There's that spicy spam, did I just go? Inside this shed in a Costco to fart. No.
Speaker 4Selena Spooky, boo Spooky.
Speaker 5Boo. She's one of my very favorites who? Selena Spooky Boo, that's her name.
Speaker 8Who I wasn. Selena Spooky Boo, that's her name.
Speaker 3Who.
Speaker 8I'm not sure yet.
Speaker 4Camera recording.
Speaker 8Not again.
Speaker 4Yeah, you broke her back. Oh, no, no, no, no, no you broke my back.
Speaker 5Oh, I don't like those videos. Don't do those anymore. What I'm saying.
Speaker 2I guarantee it's not the first time.
Speaker 8Someone's broke my back. Yeah, she fucked herself up.
Speaker 10He just learned how it feels to be folded like washing, oh shit.
Speaker 5Oh no, oh no.
Speaker 11This is when he knew. This is going poorly. This is not age. Well, I feel like.
Speaker 5This is a before video, for sure.
Speaker 11Two seconds later.
Speaker 14No, this is a before video, for sure, two seconds later.
Speaker 8There's no way he didn't fart right there, You're dead man.
Speaker 5We got a full butt. Crack on that video.
Speaker 16Heart attack and everything.
Speaker 8Why is?
Speaker 5his shirt tucked in.
Speaker 2I don't know.
Speaker 5We already saw her taint. I mean, saw it. Ah, hey, we already saw her taint.
Speaker 9I mean saw it we saw it.
Speaker 11How many videos have you watched?
Speaker 5Rubberblades, hobby horse oh, I love this guy yes.
Speaker 17Oh.
Speaker 9God.
Speaker 4Jump.
Speaker 5Sweet jump. Oh, that's a good hat. That is a good hat, oh.
Speaker 11Congrats on Rookie of the year.
Speaker 14You went by Yama looking piece of shit.
Speaker 13God damn sniper mailbox shot my head off. Yeah, look at this standoffish piece of shit.
Speaker 4Standoffish? All right, I won't give you a hug you, prick.
Speaker 5I found my Halloween costume howdy, howdy, howdy you wanna do a couple's costume? I'll dress as a mailbox. You can dress as that guy you'll meet daily, that's how you know who your true friends are.
Speaker 2It's true somebody's sit down here what's it smell?
Speaker 8like I can smell your nappy pussy.
Speaker 3What does it smell like?
Speaker 2I can smell your nappy pussy. What is that from? What is that? It's a movie on Netflix.
Speaker 1Yes it is what movie? I can smell your nappy pussy.
Speaker 3That whole thing's been going around for I can smell your nappy pussy.
Speaker 4I can smell your nappy pussy.
Speaker 5I think you promised, please tell me. I think you promised, I'll tell you.
Speaker 4I can smell your nappy pussy. I'm like, okay, what, what's the matter?
Speaker 7I'm going to tell you tomorrow.
Speaker 5Whether it's true or not, I'm going to tell you anyway.
Speaker 4I can smell your nappy pussy? I hope not. Oh my God, I'm on a date tonight. I can smell your nappy pussy.
Speaker 6This is the worst thing I've ever heard Her teeth. I can smell your nappy pussy.
Speaker 5This is the worst thing I've ever heard Teeth I can smell. You're not being pussy.
Speaker 2You know who that is? No.
Speaker 5Is it Tilda Swinton?
Speaker 2No, that's Glenn Close.
Speaker 5Back it up. Back it up what?
Speaker 8movie is this. I think I've seen it. I need to see this movie now. It was like some.
Speaker 2It is. Glenn Close, I know I wasn't lying, you might have been.
Speaker 5Sit down air. Sit down air. We all know what that is too. I can smell your nappy pussy.
Speaker 11I don't recognize that at all.
Speaker 4I've never seen anything so good in my life. Some vampire or something.
Speaker 2It's like a possession.
Speaker 8Like demon possession, that would be the devil. You gotta keep watching. Oh, hello, damn Possession. Like demon possession, that would be the devil.
Speaker 17You gotta keep watching. Oh hello, Damn Freaky ass.
Speaker 5Water bottle Freaky ass water bottle Only when you do it right.
Speaker 4Damn.
Speaker 16Shit. If we need illegal aliens to do the jobs Americans won't do who did all these jobs before we had illegal aliens?
Speaker 5Oh shit Tell me.
Speaker 9With a pretty-ass mouth.
Speaker 4Oh God Damn, I can smell your nappy bushes. Oh God Damn, I can smell your nappy pussy.
Speaker 9Oh no.
Speaker 5What.
Speaker 4Uh-uh, oh my God, why do you?
Speaker 5have so many holes in your face, aw so.
Speaker 11I can't smell your nappy pussy.
Speaker 17What? What are we doing this? Why, why, why, why, why we gotta do this for uh I don't understand. I I do have questions. I, I do real big. I have a statement for I have one big, big, big, big. You, you put your spit in your nose.
Speaker 8That's what he's worried about.
Speaker 17Real big like that oh no, you put your spit in your nose. It's more, you reverse booger ate. Instead of putting your booger in your mouth, you put your mouth in your booger and then you meowed at the end and meowed at the end. You're not a cat he meowed.
Speaker 3Yeah, he went meow.
Butthurt Butter and Hemorrhoid Tales
Speaker 17You're at the end and me out at the end. Not a cat. Yeah, you're not a cat.
Speaker 8You're not a cat I well, if you would turn him into a sound too. Not at all oh, no, casey meow, oh no, casey meow.
Speaker 9What, what, what are we doing?
Speaker 17What are we doing?
Speaker 9What are we?
Speaker 4doing.
Speaker 17I don't understand Reverse book right. I have a statement. I have a statement. You put your spit in your nose Real big like that. You put your spit in your nose. Reverse booger ate. Reverse booger ate. Instead of putting your booger in your mouth, you put your mouth in your booger and then you meowed at the end.
Speaker 2I'll take that root beer.
Speaker 17I'll take that root beer. You're not a cat. You're not a cat, you're not a bear, but you're not a cat, not at all, not, not not one second that's tall.
Speaker 5No, not one little bit what is he most upset about?
Speaker 2uh, reverse boogery yeah reverse boogering yeah. I never seen it.
Speaker 8Oh, my God, oh my God, uh-oh, there's shit in there. Oh no, you're gonna pluck it. Take a picture, take a picture.
Speaker 12Oh no.
Speaker 2Uh-oh, get your pick on, get your pick on that was us last saturday.
Speaker 8Oh my god, it's been a week well, there's a reason for that.
Speaker 2Bleeds leave. Oh my God, you're not supposed to tell people.
Speaker 5Bleeds leave.
Speaker 2Oh God, bleeds leave, okay so.
Speaker 8Did she say, bleeds leave? I said bleeds leave.
Speaker 2I said bleeds leave. I came up with that Because I feel like there should be a separate leave category for women so they can take off work.
Speaker 8Oh, I love that idea. Bleeds leave separate leave category for women so they can take off work. Oh, I love that idea. Bleeds leave, bleed leave. Oh, aunt Flo was in town, that's not a problem.
Speaker 2But here's what I'm going to say about this video real quick before I unpause it. And I know, these are gorillas, they're not monkeys, thank you. But the people that say man didn't evolve from monkeys and I know again, these are not monkeys Watch this gorilla.
Speaker 5Can we just say primates?
Speaker 2Just watch this gorilla. Just keep your eye on him, watch what he does.
Speaker 5The humper.
Speaker 2No, the one against the glass, the jack-o'-lantern Now watch what he does.
Speaker 5the humper, no, the one against the glass he's holding her face, oh my god.
Speaker 2Yeah. He's like, no, you get a little closer, he's a little cuck, look at it. He's like, yeah, you're about to get a facial.
Speaker 5Do that? Is that a real thing that they do, like often?
Speaker 2Put your face right here, mm-hmm, money shot.
Speaker 5Don't watch kids. Watch Is that a real thing that gorillas do. Look how she just lays there and takes it girls. Who are Bonobos? Are those the ones that wear the noses? No, who are the bonobos?
Speaker 8They look like weird chimps, like human chimps.
Speaker 2They look more human right. The bonobo does.
Speaker 8They have sex for pleasure.
Speaker 5I need an image Google immediately.
Speaker 2Well, you're going to do it later. You're going to get it later. Do it later.
Speaker 11Is that what those were?
Speaker 8They look like they're pleasuring.
Speaker 9No, those gorillas do that too.
Speaker 11They have sex for pleasure. It's non-stop.
Speaker 5I'm gonna Google it myself.
Speaker 2You have a phone. You have a computer in your pocket.
Speaker 8You what?
Speaker 2Oh my god, you're obsessed. No man, this is a video right here. This is a public service announcement for guys like me and Tibby.
Speaker 5I can miss them late yeah.
Speaker 2You didn't know about them.
Speaker 18No, hey, you guys ever been having your butt hurt, what that okay. That okay, I'm having hemorrhoid too. That's why I'm using prop Propane edge and edge If your butt hurts you're making your butt hurt and feeling better. Short hair and butt stach Propane edge and edge. If you cannot be sit down, propane edge and edge. Propane edge and edge. If it hurts to use the toilet, propane edge, and I'm not getting butt hurt anymore. Propanation H Butthurt butter. Making your butt hurt and feeling better, butt butter making your butt hurt it's like Bunch of Totemus.
Speaker 2Butthurt butter making your butt hurt. Bunch of. Totemus Butthurt butter Preparation H Preparation.
Speaker 11H Preparation.
Speaker 5H Preparation. H Preparation.
Speaker 11H. Preparation H.
Speaker 18Propanation H Pippin' itch and itch. I gotta hear the last part again Pippin' itch and itch. And that's why now I'm not getting butt hurt anymore. Pippin' itch and itch, butt hurt. Butter making you butt hurt and feeling better.
Speaker 5Butt hurt and feeling better. Bick, you have pulled so many good things that need to be on the soundboard Pippin' itch and itch, butt hurt and butter. I'm not butt hurt butthole anymore.
Speaker 8Do you have hemorrhoids?
Speaker 5Of course he has hemorrhoids. He's had a hemorrhoidectomy. What's that? They cut it out. Yes, they cut a hemorrhoid that was like the size of the tip of his thumb.
Speaker 8She looked at her thumb yeah, and then Isn't a hemorrhoid, like when your muscle protrudes out your butthole? Or your butt protrudes out your booty hole you have a lot of loose skin because you have a lot of hemorrhoids.
Speaker 5He has a loose butthole. I do not have a loose butthole. He has a loose butthole.
Speaker 8Intestine Hernia, he has a lot of hernias and butthole hernias. Okay look.
Speaker 2Hernias are not related to hemorrhoids.
Speaker 8I think it's tissue protruding out of a weak area, my butthole's not weak. All of his insides want to be outsides.
Speaker 2My insides want to be outsides.
Speaker 5Yeah, and when he had his hemorrhoidectomy this man?
Speaker 2Oh, it's the worst Two things that. I want to tell you.
Speaker 5Hell. No, I didn't touch his butthole. You put cream on it.
Speaker 2No, I didn't. She used Proposition 8. Who put?
Speaker 5cream on the Proposition 8? No, Three things now. One I did not touch his weird booty hole. Two why is it weird? I tried.
Speaker 6Why is it weird? It's weird down there?
Speaker 5Does it have a hole in it now? Now we have tools, it has tools.
Speaker 2Two, two, two.
Speaker 11He used all every single one of my lush bath bombs. That's true. Oh yeah, my booty hole every time.
Speaker 2Let me tell you that that first poop after a hemorrhoid to me. I know I had a baby dangerous, and so every time I would go doo-doo, I'd go right into the bathtub throwing a bath bomb. Yeah.
Speaker 5And just get hurt so bad I had gotten all of them. Did you use your bougie ones? He used my bougie ones that I got for-. Those are like $12 a piece. Yes, I got them from Courtney for my birthday. Cal, go on, take me away he took all of them and used them for his butthole baths.
Speaker 2She never used them.
Speaker 5That is false. I had gotten them that year Never used them. No.
Speaker 2So we had an ample supply.
Speaker 11We did not have an ample, I mean, they did their purpose.
Speaker 5They were not ample.
Speaker 6They healed your rhinus.
Speaker 5And then three. Third thing he was really worried that a stitch had busted. He laid on the bed. What made you look, baby? I had to baby pose knees to his ears, spread the cheeks and said I need you to look and make sure I didn't bust a stitch. I said I'm not looking at your asshole, shane. Do you even know what a busted stitch would look like? I would assume. And I glanced and I saw nothing but a butthole. That felt like it should look normal in my emotions, not physically. His butthole looked like a normal butthole that just had a piece cut out of it like brown beef.
Speaker 5He had a puzzle piece he had a puzzle piece butthole and I feel like that was normal. I don't know your poop goes out, he poops puzzle pieces now and now he still has hemorrhoids, but thanks to the bidet it has done great wonders.
Speaker 2We constantly have it's not from pushing.
Speaker 5We always have Tuck's. What is that? Tuck's butt wipes.
Speaker 2Tuck's medicated pads.
Speaker 5He had to wear During his recovery from his hemorrhoidectomy. He had some, some anal leak and he's like I don't juice, not really poop, just just juice just booty juice he's like I don't know what to do and I said, well, I guess they were expressed constantly said I guess you could use a pad like a lady period pad.
Speaker 12Put it in your butthole.
Speaker 5He put a pad in your butthole.
Speaker 2Poise pads.
Speaker 5No, not poise, they were full-on.
Speaker 2Always pads with wings no that was the first, but we went to the store and got remember those thick-ass pads.
Speaker 5They weren't poise, but we did get thick pads.
Speaker 2And then, I got full on dependence.
Speaker 5You depended, he did, he depended for a couple days. And then shortly after that he was like my butthole feels really dry and I said yeah, it absorbs moisture.
Speaker 2It, absorbs it, absorbs it absorbs all the moisture juices.
Speaker 11It absorbs all the moisture.
Speaker 2You gotta get your mouth really moist to say it. It absorbs all the oyster moisture.
Speaker 11Yeah, Tony, it absorbs. You got to get your mouth really moist to say it Absorb all the moisture, oyster moisture, it absorbs all the boys' moisties, don't you know. And the butthurt butter. I got a pee. It makes your butthurt better from the butthurt butter, the butthurt butter makes your butthurt better. Your butthurt butter Got to go to Kenosha different kind.
Speaker 5The butthole butter. Make the butthole better. Your butt hurt better.
Speaker 11Gotta go Kenosha the butthole butter make the butthole better Can you please pause while I go pee pee. No just go, I'm gonna keep it rolling.
Speaker 5No don't keep it rolling. I wanna see.
Speaker 2No, I'm not gonna play, we're just. This is why she was fired as co-host.
Speaker 8How do you get such a much? I get so many hemorrhoids.
Speaker 2Actually, the one thing that will give you hemorrhoids is sitting on the pot for too long, and that's what I would do. Thank God it wasn't from pushing I don't sit very long, it was from just sitting on the pot.
Speaker 8For fucking 30, 40 minutes.
Speaker 2Well, I mean, even before scrolling so much just Can't empty, Just sitting there.
Speaker 8No, I don't do that. I hate sitting on the toilet. I'm just like get it out.
Speaker 2But the bidet is super, super helpful in not causing, you know, hemorrhoids.
Speaker 8I know you love talking about hemorrhoids yeah, on a Friday night.
Speaker 11Oh yeah, I love it, I've had the same surgery. You have yeah.
Speaker 5What's an old?
Speaker 2guy's, we're butthole buddies.
Speaker 8I'm an ass friend boy. Is that an old guy thing?
Speaker 11No, I mean.
Speaker 5I wasn't old.
Speaker 8Wait, what's going on? Hysterectomy had a butthole hysterectomy.
Speaker 11I had a hysterectomy.
Speaker 2I didn't even know she was in here.
Speaker 11I stressed the erect part, you stressed erect, erect me.
Speaker 4You have an erective set. What did you say?
Speaker 11I went to get checked again too. I had to get another one.
Speaker 4A hemorrhoid.
Speaker 11This year Ectomy? No, no, I had another colonoscopy this year Was it all good. Yeah, they said I had more hemorrhoids.
Speaker 8On your you don't know, you don't know.
Speaker 2Sometimes, they're internal and you don't feel them. Yeah, they're internal and you don't feel them.
Speaker 11Yeah, they're internal.
Speaker 2There can be internal and external.
Speaker 8Okay, so here's your inside a butthole and there's doo-doos coming out.
Speaker 2Doo-doos. A hemorrhoid is not doo-doos. No, I know, but it's like.
Speaker 8It's like a vein it's like a vein Ruby get out of here. It's gross.
Speaker 11It's a capillary that gets rough. He has hemorrhoids right now.
Speaker 2What? Who has hemorrhoids?
Speaker 5now.
Speaker 2Both of us probably do?
Speaker 5What are internal hemorrhoids? What are they doing? I bet it's because you don't have gay sex probably.
Speaker 11I had seven hemorrhoids removed.
Speaker 12Seven, what At one time?
Speaker 8yeah, do you hold in farts or something? Jesus christ, no. What causes hemorrhoids?
Speaker 11I just said, sitting on the toilet for too long just being athletic and stuff all it guys have hemorrhoids maybe. Maybe that doesn't help ask friend boy.
Speaker 5If he has hemorrhoids right now, text him, ask him do you have hemorrhoids? Maybe hey ask Friend Boy if he has hemorrhoids Right now, text him, ask him Do you have hemorrhoids? It's for the podcast Research. Immediate answer required. I keep trying to take a drink of this. Let me put that in the tree. Oh, did I hurt your hemorrhoids? You're on my shoulder.
Speaker 8Oh my god, your butthole and your shoulder. Do you need?
Speaker 2preparation shoulder.
Speaker 6Yeah, do you need pepper-ish? No, my preparation-ish.
Speaker 9What's a good thing about being old.
Speaker 8What's a good thing I did have polyps though, or just 401k or something.
Speaker 2You're older than me. Yeah what, I have a good little retirement nest egg kind of going.
Speaker 8What's good about being old? Because you have hemorrhoids? You have. What did you?
Speaker 5say Impingement in his shoulder. A lot of times I say shit and don't care anymore.
Speaker 2I don't think that's age?
Speaker 8I think that's asshole. No, I think that's age. No, that's. Old men are rude but I don't try to be rude to people.
Speaker 5Yeah. Jeff did call me a bitch.
Speaker 2Not that I'm rude to people, but you have no tolerance. I like calling out people that are being rude to like servers.
Speaker 8Yeah, you don't care about being polite.
Speaker 5Is Friend Boy, polite, like to wait staff and stuff.
Speaker 8Do you know what he does to homeless people?
Speaker 9Homeless, homeless.
Speaker 4He gives them a joint and money and like a piece of gum. What a nice guy.
Speaker 5Like a little package I'm like can he give me that for my for christmas?
Speaker 8I wouldn't be mad at all.
Speaker 5Like a joint in their life when they're like a joint and gum. I'd be so happy there's like a $10 bill and a joint and gum they're like, is that?
Speaker 4not the nicest thing you've ever seen.
Speaker 2Tell him to do some Tic Tacs. Better be good weed, maybe Mentos. It is good weed, mentos.
Speaker 4Freshness, freshness, ta-da Fresh, fresh, fresh, fresh, fresh.
Speaker 5Fresh, Fresh Santos commercials I do too.
Speaker 9Let's make some.
Speaker 5The.
Speaker 2Freshmaker.
Speaker 5The Freshmaker.
Speaker 2We'll do like some homeless ones.
Speaker 8Because you know you like suck up, and then somebody looks at you and you're like, ah, wait, wait wait.
Speaker 2Wait, wait, wait. They're houseless individuals.
Speaker 5Homeless? No, they're unhoused.
Speaker 2Well, I've also heard of houseless.
Speaker 11Oh. I haven't got no job. You ain't got no home. Where's your tent?
Speaker 5Oh, is that wrong bips guy? He's so hairy. I love massive wrong bips guy.
Speaker 2This is me and Tippi and Red Ripper.
Speaker 8Oh my god, who's who my best?
Speaker 4friend, we're the same who's who.
Speaker 9I go one block, then we switch and we, you know, go another block. A white ball flips in. She's like I, we go another block.
Speaker 2I wipe off my chin.
Speaker 1She's like I want to ride now I wipe off my chin and then switch.
Speaker 4Oh, that's really sweet here.
Speaker 11I go.
Speaker 7I feel so alone. That's a goat, you goat fucking motherfucker hey look, that dog is fucking a goat.
Speaker 2That's a guardian dog and he's like you're earning my guardianship right here bitch.
Speaker 11That's a female dog too. Get it. That's the kind of dog that whiskey is my dog.
Speaker 5That's a great Pyrenees. That's where the devil comes from.
Speaker 3Girl fuck that hump too.
Speaker 8I'm gonna turkey gobble that motherfucker.
Speaker 5I bet she was in an rv park, do you? Is that what you want?
Speaker 2it's just a funny noise I'm gonna turkey.
Speaker 8gobble that motherfucker With no teeth.
Speaker 5Oh my God, when she bends over the wrinkles from her arms, go onto her hands, oh, yeah, oh gobble, gobble gobble. This starts good here. Oh, no, I bet. She has three teeth.
Speaker 2This looks like an upstanding citizen right here.
Speaker 7This is for Jasper County Sheriff's Department in Carthage, missouri. You toenail-eating motherfuckers, fuck you. Fuck you. You fucking lousy failures. Fuck you. Fuck you, toenail-eating motherfuckers.
Speaker 5Toenail-eating motherfuckers.
Speaker 9I love that I want to turn that into a sticker. Toenail-eating motherfuckers. Toenail-eating motherfuckers. I love that.
Speaker 5I want to turn that into a sticker.
Speaker 8All right, toenail-eating, motherfuckers Toenail-eating motherfuckers.
Speaker 13Oh no, no, no, no. These scary Can this up Can it keep coming out.
Speaker 3We need very very.
Speaker 5Oh, I want to get this done, oh my.
Speaker 8God, I tried, it didn't do shit. Really yeah.
Speaker 2I did it a long time ago. What is this? No, her In this candle shit. Okay, let me tell you, okay.
Speaker 4It's a candle, it's a candle.
Speaker 8Look, you can't use your back and body like a candle, god damn it.
Speaker 2I would look at her butthole for hemorrhoids before watching her lay sideways on the couch and like, hey, hold this candle in my ear so it can suck out the wax you want to talk about the weirdest Asian medicine man thing going on in the fucking living room. I was like, hey, you want me to get you a horn so you can hear better, you know.
Speaker 11I only burned half of it. You want the rest?
Speaker 8Eastern medicine? I've done it. You want the rest Eastern medicine? I've done it. It didn't do anything.
Speaker 5Oh, mine would. I wish it would.
Speaker 2She probably didn't have anything in there. You probably didn't go deep.
Speaker 9Well then, I found out that I have eczema in my ear canal. Oh my.
Speaker 7God, can you hear that thing's growing legs?
Speaker 8It's growing legs. Can she hear that thing's?
Speaker 5growing legs, it's growing legs, can you hear? He's not even done.
Speaker 9Oh my.
Speaker 5God, Wait, there's more. Oh yeah, oh my.
Speaker 2God, is that like a Like they're sucking brain out at this point? Can you turn the volume down?
Speaker 4What are those called A snake?
Speaker 2Huh Like a snake. Like a Roto-Rooter yeah.
Speaker 9Jesus.
Speaker 5That's like her whole life 65 years, bitch, you never used a.
Speaker 2Q-tip, right? No, that's probably because she was shoving the wax back in with a Q-tip. I got none. That's the thing You're not supposed to a Q-tip, right? No, that's probably because she was shoving the wax back in. I got none. That's the thing You're not supposed to use Q-tips.
Speaker 5I use Q-tips every day, but I don't go in-in.
Speaker 2I use a Q-tip right after a hot shower because the wax is kind of warmed up, yeah, and I just get in there just a little bit.
Speaker 5But I get right into the base of the canal to itch the eczema, did you just say canal. I just realized how old I sound. I think I just went to the fucking room. I got eczema in my ear canal.
Speaker 11I have one of the scoopers at my desk.
Speaker 5I got medicated drops and she had a little weird teacup with a candle coming out I didn't have a teacup, I just had a candle plate. Can you light it? I did have them light it, though I laid on the love seat and said will you light the candle for my ear please?
Speaker 2please oh wow, oh wow, oh my god, when the doctor goes, oh wow, yeah I want.
Speaker 5That's I want to do that I want to get my earwax because I feel like that's what's happening, but I'm sure it's not. I just have itchy ears. It's like a fucking dog itching my ears the time. You hate people. Where did that come from? People are so gross. Yeah, is that all right? Monkeys and guinea pigs all right. Are we ready? Apes?
Speaker 8and getting ready doing monkeys apes, I have monkeys, monkeys I went to the liquor store today and a lady had a monkey in there. She brought it in.
Speaker 2I have a picture yeah, there's like like different regulations some states did you give own a monkey? I did.
Speaker 8I said that's a motherfucking monkey, Some guy walks in and goes what the fuck?
Speaker 2I know you're a monkey, I need to give you a shot. Why did she have a?
Speaker 5monkey.
Speaker 8Can you have pet monkeys in?
Speaker 5Oklahoma, I think so.
Speaker 8I don't think you can have apes, but you can have monkeys.
Speaker 5I'm sorry. Can you educate the populace on the difference between an ape and a monkey?
Speaker 8Fend over and I'll show you.
Speaker 2An ape. Just put them in an enclosure.
Speaker 8They'll find out. An ape is a gorilla, a bonobo, an orangutan and a chimpanzee Without tails. They typically don't have tails.
Speaker 3And then a monkey has tails Like humans.
Speaker 5So evolutionarily Non-human primates Are monkeys primates.
Speaker 8Yeah, they're non-human primates.
Speaker 5Apes are Non-human primates, then how are they different? Because they don't have tails. Who doesn't? And they're smart. The apes don't have tails.
Speaker 2Apes are smart and don't have tails. And they don't have tails. Who doesn't? And they're smart, the apes don't have tails.
Speaker 5The apes are smart and don't have tails, and they don't have tails. So are you saying that monkeys are dumb, fucking racist?
Speaker 2No, they can be trained.
Speaker 5Well, yeah.
Speaker 8Bill, I'm a trained guy.
Speaker 4My strong can be trained. Hey, let me tell you about monkeys.
Speaker 8So here's an example, thank you. So if you give a mirror to an ape, they recognize themselves. If you give a mirror to a monkey, they think it's a different monkey.
Speaker 6And they're like, ah, and they attack it.
Speaker 8Ah, ah. Who the fuck is that? An ape's?
Speaker 5like Look at me.
Speaker 4I'm so pretty. Look at my hemorrhoid. Yeah, can I see my tail More advanced?
Speaker 5Do they diddle themselves in front of a mirror? Who Apes? Apes?
Speaker 8Probably because the monkeys jack off all the time, all day. Who does the monkeys at work?
Speaker 11Yeah, Teenage boys. They jack off all the time. They're little Tom Jackery motherfuckers and they do it like this.
Speaker 8And they squeeze the tip really tight. I was like stop. That's what Shane likes Ew, oh my God, oh my God, that's how Shane likes it.
Speaker 5Oh my God. No, I'm going to tell you more about it.
Speaker 11Pinch the tip, pinch the tip. Pinch it Just move on, squeeze it tight, all right, wait do you.
Speaker 5Wait, no Wait, wait. Married men, that's you two.
Speaker 11Yeah.
Speaker 5Do you masturbate? Yes, Sometimes, All guys masturbate. Come on, shane doesn't.
Speaker 2I don't think. Well, I had to for the.
Speaker 5When we were doing fertility training.
Speaker 2Yeah, that was.
Speaker 11I try not to. I like to make an impression.
Speaker 5On your wife of how many years 20? I don't know no, every guy masturbates no, when I met shane he said I don't really, I don't, I don't look at porn, I don't really masturbate, don't touch your dick. Oh yeah I touch it when he washes it.
Speaker 2But like he doesn't play with it move on.
Speaker 5Yeah, no, we can't move on. This is your brother and you need to understand how his wiener works.
Speaker 2Whoa yeah, fair enough.
Speaker 7Perfect timing, though Not doing that. Good morning, julia.
Speaker 11Julia, I need a release Julia, here we go.
Speaker 2Did you say that oh no, here we go. Did you say that oh no.
Speaker 5Immediately hard pass.
Speaker 4What In a long time? Krispy Kreme, is it Krispy? Ah, you didn't say the name. Hi, I'm so upset.
Speaker 2No, ah yeah, your granddaughter's right behind you. Dude, your granddaughter.
Speaker 11You see how he eats donuts, michael, there's a progressive poster in the back of the.
Speaker 2Michael, calm down, michael, you got a long jaw and dirty nails Fucking gross. Ew, you got long, johns and dirty nails Fucking gross. Ew, I hate that. I hate that more than anything. That's chocolate. Oh, get a taste.
Speaker 5That's him having a heart attack. That's a kink for somebody.
Speaker 4That was the whale.
Speaker 5Ugh.
Speaker 6Oh, look at the dance moves, those jeans he can jackhammer, oh he can.
Speaker 11He's missing a couple ribs. He had to lower ribs for moves so he could do that.
Speaker 5Look at the zippers on his jeans. That's how you know he's hip. Oh no, uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh skinny jeans.
Speaker 8Can you imagine if you walked in on your dad doing that?
Speaker 2First of all, I have two.
Speaker 11Well, go ahead. You walked in on your dad doing that, no.
Speaker 8Dancing.
Speaker 2Our dad can't move like that, only when he's stumbling and it's not that like Drop foot.
Speaker 11No, but I have that flexi.
Speaker 2I have two things that I would like to make, or suggest that they be laws Indeed. One of them is I feel like I can see his bowl. If you are over the age of 28 and or you don't participate in extreme sports, you don't get to wear flat bill hats. That's number one, that's good. Number two if you're over the age of I'll say 32, I might go 35. Over the age of 35, no more fucking skinny jeans. Oh yeah, yeah.
Speaker 5For everybody. I mean look how this looks, Look at this muffin top motherfucker Do you mean like men and women.
Speaker 2No men.
Speaker 5Can you please clarify that? Restate with clarification.
Speaker 2These are rules, regulations, laws for men Over 28, and. Or don't compete, stop it. No, or you don't compete, huh.
Speaker 5How do y'all not pee?
Speaker 2Not pee I already peed. I just don't need to pee.
Speaker 11Bad kidneys. My bladder's bigger than a 12-year-old's, so here's what I said.
Speaker 2I'm a baby. Here's my laws for the male population Laws yes, I haven't drank any water If you are over the age of 28 and or you don't play or participate in an extreme sport.
Speaker 5I thought you said over the age of 35.
Speaker 2Will you stop?
Speaker 5No, I'm just restating what you said. I'm not following, don't you mute my mic.
Psychopathic Musings and Mall Shenanigans
Speaker 4You dick.
Speaker 2I said first, you said Fist.
Speaker 8Fisting.
Speaker 2I'm going to mute your mic again. Listen here asshole If you're over the age of 28. Admiralty, asshole. And you don't participate in extreme sports like the X Games or something. You can't wear a flat bill hat. That's rule number one that I said. Oh, okay, agreed, thank you, okay. Number two Don't be an asshole If you're over the age of 35, no more skinny jeans.
Speaker 8I agree.
Speaker 5For men.
Speaker 8What are we doing? Well, men yeah.
Speaker 5Women can wear skinny jeans forever. We can do every what Right? What's their type of these? Oh, zipper jeans too. Are those K-Swiss shoes? I think they are. Oh, he's got a little.
Speaker 7Corvette in the garage. Oh yeah, oh yeah, Thanks, he's so hot. He's got a breath right now. He's a big kid. It's a club that he goes to. He's Ruby's girls Ask.
Speaker 5Ruby's girls? I don't know.
Speaker 6Old guys don't really do this. I'm going to, I think it's called the wreck.
Speaker 11He roofies girls at roofies Girls. I'm going to disagree with the girls.
Speaker 5I bet he's not as old as we think he is.
Speaker 2I bet he's not wrecking any girls, you're right.
Speaker 5He's probably 34.
Speaker 16He graduated in 20. My name is Smithers O'Neal and I like big booty bitches. Oh oh, graduated in 20. My name is Smithers O'Neal and I like big booty bitches.
Speaker 4Oh, oh, I need that all over again.
Speaker 5Nope, go back. I want that all over again.
Speaker 8Oh, God oh.
Speaker 11Don't yell at me.
Speaker 8Smithers.
Speaker 16My name is Smithers O'Neal and I like big booty bitches. Yeah, oh my.
Speaker 4God, mm-hmm, big booty bitches, mm-hmm, your hair is hollow gold. Oh yeah, your lips sweet spots. Yeah, mm-hmm.
Speaker 12Her hands are never cold.
Speaker 5Mm-hmm, she's got better days better always with the tongue no, welcome to my boardroom I love teeth guy mustache rides yes, welcome to my boardroom, let's go.
Speaker 14Chad, from Chad Nation, just out here hanging at the mall food court. Okay, pause, this is where I grind, pause. Okay, this is where I meet all the At that food court Food court.
Speaker 2You made me pause for that, for the mall.
Speaker 5Hey, listen, don't be a dick to your wife.
Speaker 4You fucking ass, are they?
Speaker 14fighting Cracks me up Look my. Ces. Okay, never eat alone, right? Okay, have a meal. Close the deal. He's sad. Okay, let's do this thing. I'll be out here about 30 more minutes or so. So, coming out here, I want to get you on that auto ship. Okay, because I'm not out here? Because I'm hungry for the Chinese buffet? No, friend, no.
Speaker 14No bourbon chicken for him. I'm out here because I'm hungry for another pay day and I think that you are too Okay, you feel me. I'm not out here just to break bread. I'm here to make some bread, you feel me. So let's cool, rise and Grind Rise and Grind.
Speaker 5I love him Rise and Grind no.
Speaker 7Put some music. Baby, lock the door and turn the lights down low.
Speaker 4Put some music on. It's soft and slow. I'm uncomfortable.
Speaker 7Baby, we ain't got no place to go. Did that take a?
Speaker 2picture. A picture or a video? How do I make this a video?
Speaker 5I catch you staring at me in the club.
Speaker 4Oh, now you got it, is this Hunter?
Speaker 2I think it is. Is this Hunter in the bathroom getting ready for work?
Speaker 5Oh yeah, when I was in my 20s and a guy when I was in my 20s, and if a guy danced like that at the club, I'd be like yep, yeah, moist oyster moisture oyster for sure he's pretty good. Actually, this one's all right yeah look at his jeans man, highlighting what needs to be highlighted His airbrushed t-shirt it's a star.
Speaker 2Thank you, star of the show. Star of the show.
Speaker 5Go boy go, Look at those horses Ride, pony ride.
Speaker 15Whoa See ya bitch 100%. See ya bitch who's horses ride pony ride whoa 100 share bitch, I've been all over that if we date, just know that I'm a psychopath, rainbow bright, but I'll never hurt you, I'll never lay a hand on you but, if you can't accept that I'm a psychopath because of my pain.
Speaker 9I'm sorry you're wearing a fucking nautica shirt let's let's dissect this image right here.
Speaker 8I don't even know. He's in a bathroom.
Speaker 2He has a mattress because I see a mattress. Is that a pee jug? Maybe I was just trying to figure it out or is it bubble bath. No, that's a pee jug.
Speaker 5It could be orange juice. I think it's bubble bath.
Speaker 2Bubble bath in a one-gallon container. Member's mark Sunny delight bottle.
Speaker 5It's Kirkland's, he's got Costco.
Speaker 2Also, ladies, ladies, the first thing you need to look at look at the bed.
Speaker 5Not made, no, not even that.
Speaker 11The back spring doesn't have a cover on it.
Speaker 5He's got no bed skirt or nothing.
Speaker 11You ain't even got a bed skirt.
Speaker 2The blankets just piled up in the middle of the bed there's probably a body there. That's his roommate sleeping.
Speaker 11It looks like what.
Speaker 2It looks like your bed Gross. That's how close her bathtub is to her bed too it is.
Speaker 6I bet that bathroom has carpet in it.
Speaker 2It does.
Speaker 5What else is on the left there?
Speaker 2I see a bottle A candle. I see a bottle of meat marinade.
Speaker 6Is that Chianti?
Speaker 11I think it's a bath bomb from Courtney.
Speaker 2There's a lush bath. No, that's a bath bomb from Courtney.
Speaker 11There's a lush bath.
Speaker 2No, that's a white onion right there, maybe a yellow onion. It's an onion For body steam, a sea salt caramel candle, I think I see a bottle of meat, marinade, chianti and a bottle to pee in. I don't know.
Speaker 11I'm pretty sure he hasn't stepped out of that bathtub in seven weeks.
Speaker 8And what's behind him? What's he holding on to in his pocket?
Speaker 16The black wall.
Speaker 5His tiny penis.
Speaker 2It doesn't look like those shorts should even have pockets. But what's behind?
Speaker 8him. Those are camera cutoffs, man.
Speaker 2What's behind him?
Speaker 4That's a wall.
Speaker 2The wall. No, that is not a. That looks like A temporary wall.
Speaker 5He's leaning on it? I don't think he is. Yes, he's leaning on the wall in his flat.
Speaker 2I don't think it's a wall.
Speaker 5What is a studio that is? I don't know who do you For a? Thank you for a new drink.
Speaker 2Is that what that says? This is a dungeon. I think I don't know. Cacau, Cacau.
Speaker 4I don't want a toy.
Speaker 2All right, here we go.
Speaker 5No, wait, wait, wait, wait. I'm so busy right now, so busy.
Speaker 11Busy.
Speaker 5Will you give that to her?
Speaker 8Yes, oh God, are you wearing Birkenstocks?
Speaker 2Oh, no, I'm okay.
Speaker 8Loser? Yes, he always wears Birkenstocks. Are you wearing Birkenstocks? He wore them last time he was here, yeah. Yeah, he has a nose piercing.
Speaker 5Well, I know he has a nose piercing. He and his wife have matching nose. I think I put a couple what you go on you, sorry. Okay, can you restart our romeo? Not, not a romeo place marshalls marshalls marshalls
Speaker 15we gotta start at marshalls if we date. No, just know that I'm a psychopath, oh.
Speaker 5God Okay.
Speaker 15But I'll never hurt you.
Speaker 3Lies.
Speaker 15I'll never lay a hand on you. You will, but if you can't accept that I'm a psychopath because of my pain, then you'll probably break up with me. Okay, I know for a fact. That's why all of my relationships have ended. I don't think that's it Plus, I didn't have good communication skills when I was younger, so if you don't have good communication skills, you can get tense when there's a disagreement and when you get tense you're in more pain when you're in more pain, you turn into a psychopath.
Speaker 2Believe me, I do. Yeah, he's got a black eye Calm down.
Speaker 11Wait Pause, because his last girlfriend got away wait, wait, the last captive got away does he, does he I think she's under those sheets, does he?
Speaker 5know the difference between a psychopath and a sociopath definitely look at this guy's room.
Speaker 2Look at this guy.
Speaker 11You think he knows much. I don't see a nightstand, much less a book. Look at this guy. He doesn't have a nightstand, so the books would be all over the floor.
Speaker 6What is up with this guy?
Speaker 11Look at this guy, look at this guy Get a load of this guy.
Speaker 5Why is he giving me a Chinese toy? Why is he giving me a Chinese toy?
Speaker 15Literally every single thing possible not to become a psychopath, but I am one For sure.
Speaker 15And I know that that will never, change For sure, and if you can't accept that, then we will not work out. So there's no point of even getting in a relationship with me. Why is he wearing black socks? And you also have to realize that your parents, your family members, everyone in your family, is going to have to accept that I'm a psychopath too Not just you, I mean. They may not like it, but you might have to remind them that there's nothing I can do about it.
Speaker 5Are you a psychopath because you have black walls?
Speaker 8What makes you, oh no? It's time to use my peanuts.
Speaker 4Pause Peanuts.
Speaker 2Gosh, stop yelling Peanuts. I'm the only one that yells Don't steal my thunder, then be better at it, ooh.
Speaker 8Did she say peanuts?
Speaker 2And that's the podcast. See y'all everybody.
Speaker 8Did he say peanuts or penis? I don't know what he said Peanuts so far.
Speaker 5His hair looks like Hunter's right now. Hunter's growing his hair out. Have you seen it? I have. It's not okay, it's fluffy. I don't like it, it's fluffy.
Speaker 2Just gotta get out of the closing stage. Yeah, awkward, Awkward man?
Speaker 5No, he just needs to shave his head and show off the age that he. He can just show off the sides, I mean shave his head.
Speaker 2Oh, just the sides Like me.
Speaker 4Yeah, shave, no. No, that's shaved in the middle.
Speaker 11If.
Speaker 5I let it grow out. No, he needs to reverse you.
Speaker 11Just like you, but Inverted, inverted, that's right.
Speaker 5It's time to use my Penis.
Speaker 14You can't say penis right Penis.
Speaker 5There's a T in there.
Speaker 2All right, let's I guess let's see you use your peanuts.
Speaker 3What he?
Speaker 2does.
Speaker 13No, don't look away, look at me. Oh, okay, look at me.
Speaker 4Taylor and I are not looking. I'm looking, no.
Speaker 8Nothing happened. I'm not doing it, don't look away.
Speaker 11Oh, it's this sexy son of a bitch.
Speaker 8Oh, he's back. Someone's dad needs to stop, no dad Damn it.
Speaker 11You're not getting laid, you're not getting your dick sucked.
Speaker 2Dick Brown Does this guy own?
Speaker 11a shirt? No, no, just a sweet tattoo.
Speaker 8He thinks he's awesome tribal and he's fucking hot that looks like a very fresh tattoo.
Speaker 2He got it yesterday I think this guy recently went through a divorce. He got it yesterday and he's like you know what, I'm gonna get that tribal tattoo Motorcycle Fucking Susan.
Speaker 8Susan wouldn't let me get ink Now. I can but Debbie down the street.
Speaker 11Never wearing sleeves again.
Speaker 5He has orthopedic inserts in his boots.
Speaker 2I bet he also knows the people with the pineapples yeah he does Mustache, but nobody wants to? Ah, I've been waiting for so long.
Speaker 11Oh, that's Patrick Swayze, now recognizing those are some nimble hips, though those are pepperoni nipples.
Speaker 5Wait, nimble hips.
Speaker 2I noticed what you guys haven't yet.
Speaker 11What? His belly button? His fucking belly button.
Speaker 5Oh, his hernia belly button.
Speaker 11His herniated button.
Speaker 2His belly button looks like a prolapsed anus. Well, it happens.
Speaker 9Yeah, because he has a honey gun.
Speaker 6What about, what a giant looks like? Hello.
Speaker 16Oh, he's got some tribal. Is that a mortal combat? I think so.
Speaker 4I bet he fucks. No, he doesn't For sure.
Speaker 8I hate him like that.
Speaker 2Can you imagine that belly, with that belly button on your body?
Speaker 4I'm just buying your belly button I'd stick my finger in. In whose belly?
Speaker 2button In James, maybe mine.
Speaker 5You would want to be sticking his finger in your belly button.
Speaker 2No, of course not I am already paused. Never going to happen.
Speaker 5Pause the whole conversation Never going to happen. Oh, my God you and I are going to fucking fight right now. I swear to fucking God she just wanted to put a hammer through your head.
Speaker 8I saw it. I saw it. She wanted to put a hammer through your head. I saw it. I saw it.
Speaker 5She wanted to put a hammer through your head Marital homicide happening right fucking now. No, I just want to tell a story, if that's fucking allowed.
Speaker 2Oh my God, you're cussing right now.
Speaker 8I farted early oh.
Speaker 2I was trying to like be proactive with it. That was bad timing bad timing. I'm sorry, bad timing, I'm sorry early.
Speaker 5I am so f***ed Bad timing. I'm sorry Bad timing.
Speaker 11I'm sorry Early, I am so f***ed.
Speaker 2Your mic's muted. That was a mistake.
Speaker 8Nope, no, we're fighting.
Speaker 5This is a motherfucking trough you. We're done I don't right now know what that means.
Speaker 8A trough I have no idea what does that?
Speaker 2mean, I'm eating trash eat my slop eat my slap ew.
Speaker 5One time early in our relationship I didn't realize the trauma his belly button had experienced with prior hernia repair surgeries. I didn't know, and one time I kept threatening I didn't even do it, but it's threatening that I'm gonna tickle your belly button, I'm to put a finger in your belly button. He had a whole ass panic attack and cried and I felt so bad yeah.
Speaker 4I have a belly button man.
Speaker 2It messed up the nerves of my belly button. I can't even Like it hurts. No, the nerves just actively fire and it's just a weird. I don't know, I can't explain it. It's just a weird.
Speaker 8I can't explain it. It's weird Do you orgasm out of your belly button?
Speaker 2If you rub my butthole right, that's right.
Speaker 9That's right, work it out.
Speaker 2Work it out. This has been a scientific episode. You'll work it out, I out. This has been a scientific episode.
Speaker 5You'll work it out. Let's see. I bet that happens to him. Wait, can the new? Can the new name, the updated name of the episode, be scientific? Exploration yeah, yeah I can't wait to absolutely beat your ass when we go to bed tonight.
Speaker 8Oh, they're going to fight.
Speaker 5No, not even in a sexy way. Yeah, 100%.
Speaker 11Getting a pound in your ass. Damn, because you've been absolutely cool to me tonight Karate fighting Karate.
Speaker 4Remember you're the one thing, more is freshies.
Speaker 8Thanks, Thanks, that's so fresh.
Speaker 2Yeah, look at that freshie. So I'll tell you something.
Speaker 4This could be love, because I've had I could slow most down. Oh, I've never felt this way before I could slow most down oh.
Speaker 8I bet he does it. I bet he does it oh my. God.
Speaker 1Oh, he's got a shirt. What the fuck. Why is it in Utah? Oh, he did.
Speaker 2Spucked next time at dance with me.
Speaker 8If Frimbyte ever does this, I would break it Frimbyte.
Speaker 12Smiled so high, got up and asked for his name.
Speaker 9Baby, baby, that don't matter, he said, cause it's all the same.
Speaker 1So can I take you home, where we can't be alone?
Speaker 6It's just Mary Makes me move it on.
Speaker 8Yeah, you got ring on that's what's right now?
Speaker 12Is he a widower? I don't know.
Speaker 4Ah, it's him.
Speaker 9It's the slur, it's the slur, it's the slur, it's the slur, it's the slur, it's the slur, it's the slur it's.
Speaker 4Oh, my Santa. Oh no, he wanted that.
Speaker 11That's why. That's why I.
Speaker 9That's why I added that guy in there because I saw that video later and I was like oh yeah this is bingo see, I bet he is a good fucker though donut hole because he's gay?
Speaker 5probably not. He knows how to put it in the butt I don't want it in there you don't want it in the butt.
Speaker 8no, I don't want it in there. You don't want it in the butt, no, you don't want anal.
Speaker 5I feel like we had a discussion prior that contradicts that statement. Tolerate or we'll. You don't want any butt. Play Nothing. Nothing in the butt, not in his butt In the butt.
Speaker 11I understand whose butt hole.
Speaker 5Nothing. Nothing in the butt, not in his butt.
Speaker 8I understand whose butthole it is.
Speaker 11Hang on, is this mine or yours?
Speaker 4Not his butthole, but your butthole.
Speaker 11Babe, I'm fist deep. What do you mean? Whose butthole is it?
Speaker 2Yeah, see mean whose butthole is this.
Speaker 11See, I'm in my body, I'm six knuckles in.
Speaker 5What do you think about that I?
Speaker 11don't like this. Six knuckles I'm six knuckles in.
Speaker 2Oh boy, okay, on that note, butter it up, baby. No anal for Taylor. Hey, I hope if If you want to make your butt hurt better, just get some butt hurt cream. Butt hurt butter. Butt hole butter. Butt hole butter. Make that butter. Butt hurt butter. Butter Buddy, I can't believe it's not butt butter. All right, everybody. I hope you have a Make that butt hole better.
Speaker 4Use that little butt. Make that butt hole better, buddy.
Speaker 2I hope you have a safe and fun Halloween and get lots of fucking candy. No, that's it. No, we're done on the butt butter. We're done on the butt hurt butter All right, ciao, baby.
Speaker 4You can make a bottle of butter buddy Buddy. Hey, you know it's time to get it started. Let me introduce you all to Shane Hargis.
Speaker 1OKC, yeah, we got to rep that. Sit back. I know that you're going to have a good laugh, bringing you the comedy that you really need. Keep it entertaining. You better believe. So let's get it popping. No more talk. Going to make us laugh until we fart. Shane Hargis, that's who we want Gonna make us laugh until we fart. Shane Hawkins, that's who we want. Gonna make us laugh until we fart.
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