How I Turned Fear into Unstoppable Passion | Brett Dellar

Join Tiffanie as she chats with Brett Dellar, an Aussie author who's all about kicking fear and trauma to the curb. Brett shares his journey from battling depression and childhood trauma to finding his groove in life. His books, "Soften the Fuck Up" and "Emerge," are all about being a better man and thriving beyond life's hurdles. Brett reveals how fear can silently control our lives, driven by unresolved trauma and societal expectations.

Hear how Brett faced his demons, swapped booze for bravery, and turned his story into a healing journey. He dives into the power of confronting fear, the magic of sharing your truth, and the wild ride of self-discovery. Brett's tale is a shout-out to resilience and finding your mojo, regardless of age.

Get inspired to tackle your fears and live with passion. Check out Brett's website for more on his work and workshops. Share this episode and spread the good vibes of healing and empowerment.

How to contact:
https://www.drbrettdellar.com/

Transcript

Why do we allow the unknown fear to control our lives

>> Tiffanie: Why do we allow the unknown fear to control our lives? Fear is designed to keep us safe. But what if it's a silent fear that nobody talks about that is controlling and even destroying your life without you even knowing it? Well, that is what we're going to explore on today's episode. And joining me with that from Australia is Brett Dellar.


Brett is the author of two books about life's challenges

Thank you so much, Brett. How are.

>> Brett Dellar: Very well, Tiffanie, thanks very much for having me.

>> Tiffanie: Of course. You're also an author of two books which. Oh, my God, I love the name of it. Soften the Fuck Up, Being a Better man in Today's world and emerge breaking through life's challenges and thriving beyond.

>> Brett Dellar: Yeah, it's been an interesting seven years. So to get to the point where I was just going on very. In the last last seven years, it's like, you know, written two books in the process of writing a third, so. And, I do love the name of the first book. It's my favorite, so.

>> Tiffanie: No, I love that because usually I'm sure it was like a play on words because I can remember, like, when my son. It used to be tough enough, so now it's Soften Up. I love that.

>> Brett Dellar: Exactly. So, like, in Australia, we have a big chain of hardware is called Bunnings, and there's all these different sayings, you know, like, pardon the up and straighten your tiara, princess. Or, ah, go to Bunnings, buy a bag of cement and harden the fuck up. So it's definitely a plan. Words about we need to soften up about, you know, who we are and what we're struggling with, et cetera.

>> Tiffanie: So definitely, I love it. And I also love that what I get from your story is it's never too late to get your shit together. And you know that firsthand.

>> Brett Dellar: Massively. Massively. Yeah. I was. I struggled for a long, long time. You know, I was a late bloomer in a lot of things. I didn't get married TILL I was 40, so that was, That was a late. A late venture into that space, I suppose. I went to uni at the age of 35 and graduated a month before my 40th birthday. so I'm a chiropractor. Doctor of chiropractic. And so that was another late bloom. I'm still working in the chiropractic field. I love what I do in that space. And then I suffered from depression for 30 years and I didn't get out of that space or deal with my stuff until I was 50, so. And like I said, I'm nearly 57. I'm a month away from 57. And so the last, last seven years has been a massive. I've. I've done more in the last seven years than I had done in the previous 30 years before that. Probably overall in, in regards to, you know, your production of life and, and and, and whatever else, you know, just that purposeful. Purple. Purple. Try again. Purple. Purposefulness. Is that right? Purposefulness. public speaker. I can't speak. That's awesome.

>> Tiffanie: Hey, we all get tongue tied.

>> Brett Dellar: Yeah, yeah, yeah.


So your depression, everything that kind of kept you living in fear was due to childhood trauma

>> Tiffanie: So your depression, everything that kind of kept you living in fear, hiding behind your mask, was due to your childhood trauma?

>> Brett Dellar: Yeah, Yep, yep. So. So I, when I was six and seven years old, we live in a small country town here in Western Australia, and a neighbor took advantage of me obviously sexually. And, and you know, when you, when you're that, when you're that age, you don't have the capacity or emotional ability to deal with it. And so whatever the body does it, you know, the soul, the mind, the heart, whatever it does, it takes that trauma and just it buries the emotions to it. Okay. And I had a very loving, still have a very loving, supportive, nurturing family, mum and dad. And so I had this great foundation of love, but I had this trauma that had impacted me obviously in a way. And I didn't have any emotional. I always remembered what happened. I never had any emotional attachment to it until I was in my mid to late teens. All of a sudden these little emotions started coming up and it was, you know, and I try and ignore him and bury him because it was, it was that, that anxiety, that horribleness, you know, because it was. The emotions basically attached to it were shame, self blame, guilt, embarrassment. And obviously the fear of dealing with it was there as well without me knowing about it. And that introduction about the fear, you know, we'll get to that a little bit later on. But, but so as a, as a young teenager, as a young man, as a tenergy and a young man going into those, those formative years, into your adulthood, you know, you had this attitude as, like as a man you have to be tough and strong and you have to, you know, not show emotions and not cry and deal with your, deal with your. In a, in whatever way you could. And so I had this attitude, you know, as this. This got worse and worse. I started going depression without really knowing or understanding it initially. The way I dealt with my, the way I controlled my life from the age of six was the trauma happened at six. But I also started playing sport at six and guess where I could control my world in sport? So I played sport mine. I still play sport now. I played sport my entire life and it gave me that purpose. It also gave me that sense of community and mateship with the guys I played with all those years. And it also kept me fit. And that mental, that endorphin rush would help me stay above that depressive line. Not all the time, but a lot of the time. And at the same time we also got a tv, so I'd also lose myself in the tv. So I'd numb out with the TV and control my life with sport. So they were my two coping mechanisms, I suppose. And that carried on all the way through. They still do to a point, but I didn't understand that at the time. And then when I got to my, you know, that period when my depression started setting in at the age of around 20, I just buried it, you know, and, and when I go through these bouts, you know, and obviously when you become so in Australia it's legally the legal age to drink is 18. And so I would go hard on the alcohol because I didn't numb it out. So I used alcohol for a period of time as well. And because I, because, because that trauma has such a big impact on who you are. I didn't like who I was. And this is where it gets really tricky as a, as a person and as. From my perspective, from a man, as a man perspective, I, knew I was a good bloke. I just didn't feel like I was a good bloke. And that was really hard to understand. I didn't pick that apart until many, many years later. And I didn't like who I was as a person. I thought I was a fake and a fraud. And you know, it was all this lacking self belief and lacking self worth and not liking who you are. And the longer I, pushed those emotions down, the stronger that got, the stronger the depression got. And it would build up and build up and build up over a period of time. And so my whole attitude for 30 years was, if I'm just stronger for a bit longer, everything will be okay. And all that attitude did was make it worse. So my depression got worse, the depth of the depression got worse, the regularity got worse. And then I'd be triggered by very small things that would just set me off and I couldn't control it in the end. And it was just this spiral down and down and down. So for me it was. And there was times, I did go and see a counselor or a psychologist and they were scary periods, scary times having to talk about it. And it's not until years later I understood, understood that fear, that stealth light bomber, aspect of fear and how it can sneak in at a very early age and then control you without you even knowing it. So, yeah, it was a, it's been a big journey.


Murray first faced fear in the face when he was in police force

It's been a big journey, sounds like it.

>> Tiffanie: But I mean, how much better do you feel on the other side when you actually faced fear in the face?

>> Brett Dellar: Ah, it's. I, I remember it's been a few occasions and the first time I remember I, I was in the police force. I was a detective at the time and we had an office in the middle of Perth in Western Australia. And I grabbed a file and I said to my sergeant, I'm going out to get a statement. We're back in about an hour or so. He goes, no worries, see you later. So I walked out the door, went straight to the psychologist's, office, which was a part of the police department. So I didn't actually go too far. It was only about two buildings away. And I remember sitting down and I sat down and she goes, so how can I help you? She was all of 30 years old, not very experienced, I don't think, in that point of her career. And I just went. And as I was in a suit and well dressed and looked very professional, I just went and I couldn't, I was a blubbering mess trying to tell her that I've been sexually abused. And she was like a deer in the headlight sort of thing. And it was like, okay. And that first moment I remember walking out there going, oh, I feel a bit lighter. But going there and walking to that office, I remember how fearful I was. And not long after that, I was about 28 at the time I went and I had to tell my parents. they didn't know about it. And I remember how scary that was. And it was just because I knew I was going to upset them. I knew I was going to, it was going to cause them some emotional distress. but I had to do it for me. And it was really scary to share it, but it was also really scary because I knew I was going to hurt them. But I remember walking away from there the next three days. I was like on this massive high. I was just like, so, relieved and relaxed and I was sleeping on about two hours sleep and I just had this massive energy boost for about three days. And I sort of came back down again and I, went and saw another psychologist a few years later. And then I just, I just tried to fight my way through it and it never, never, never got to that point where I was free of it. And I always felt like I had even. I was having some good days or good months. There was always this shadow of emotion, the shadow, this shadow of depression, you know, just ready to rain down on me. And I would just pretend I was okay, you know, and I'd be at work, I'd be in the clinic at work and I'd be going, how are you? Great to see you. And everything's great and life's good, but underneath it I was dying inside and just pretending, you know. I would call it my man mask. And this man mask was, I'm okay. Well, if I was taking a great day or a terrible day, I'd just be okay. I had this. I try and minimize this wave of emotions because it just was so exhausting. And it was exhausting living like that for 30 years. And then the biggest fear I ever had was I had to. I was 50 years old. I went to this workshop where there was 50 men there and 25 of the men were working on the workshop. The other 25 were participants. And I was pre framed when I went there. I had to deal with my stuff. And so I got to this workshop and I remember we're on a bus ride with about eight people on the way up the bus ride, it was two hours from Brisbane to this particular location. And it was very chatty for about the first hour and 15 minutes. The last 45 minutes, everyone got really quiet and really shut down and really became introverted because they were so nervous about what was going to happen. And I remember at this workshop I was told that at some stage I'll get the opportunity to deal with my stuff. And when that opportunity came, then step forward. And I think I'd already made my decision that I was going to. I was going to be a. The first up. I was going, I'm here for a reason. I'm going to step up. When that opportunity comes, I'm going to be there. And I stepped up in this circle. I remember how terrified I was. I remember in this big circle and, and Murray, who I've known from a previous course I was doing, he was a facilitator and he basically said, and he started pre framing and I knew what he was doing through his pre frame. I knew that at some stage I had an opportunity to step Up. And I started crying because all the emotions from my childhood started coming up. I just started blubbering because I knew this was the moment. And one of my mates, who was just about six or seven blocks down, he could hear someone crying. And he said, I can hear someone. What's someone crying for? He's looking around the room going, what's Brett crying for? Have I missed something? And he's going, and he's looking around the other 50 men, and no one else is crying. And he goes, what's. Why is he crying for? What's going on? And then Murray said, if you're ready, step into the circle. And I just stepped straight in. I was in there, straight away, there was a blubbering mess in front of these 50 men explaining what had happened. And it was so terrifying about what I had to do and what I had to say. And. And I had to claim my life back because that fear had controlled me since I was a child, but also my perpetrator had controlled my behavior and thoughts and feelings about myself since I was a child. I hadn't seen him for 44 years, but he still had control of me without me knowing it. So I had to reclaim that back. And that stepping in that circle was far scarier than anything I've ever done. And being an ex police officer, I was involved in two firearm incidents. One was a siege. I was inside looking for the offender. He'd shot and killed someone. And I was honestly more scared on that day at the workshop than I was in that. In that particular sage situation. That's how much fear can grab hold of you if you don't understand it and understand how it's controlling you.

>> Tiffanie: So you didn't tell a soul for 30 years.

>> Brett Dellar: It was. It was 22 years. Yeah.


It took me 18 months to really feel comfortable in who I was again

And I think the average, Average person, average male, from what I've read in the research, it's about 21 years for a male to tell someone that they've been sexually abused. So I was about, on average, a.

>> Tiffanie: Lot of my guests that I've had on previous. It's somewhere in that range between women and men. I'd, say between 15 and 30 years. And that is such a long time to live with something like that.

>> Brett Dellar: And it, weighs you down. It just. It. The emotion of it just drags you down day after day. And you're pretending to be strong.

>> Tiffanie: Yeah. It's a long time to hold that kind of secret.

>> Brett Dellar: Yeah, yeah. And. And. And like I saying, it weighs you down because you're trying to pretend that you're okay and you're using all your energy to survive and you just, that's all you're doing, you're surviving, you're not thriving. And I think that's what's changed me over the last seven years. I've got the energy now to actually live and engage. And I still had a great life, don't get me wrong. But I've got this energy to, you know, I get up at half past four in the morning every single day and that's before I go to work and work a, 12 hour or 10 hour day at work. So I've got this energy to write and to learn and to do podcasts. And you know, I just have this passion now about it and, and it's energized from within. And one of the things that I've learned along the way is when you have a childhood trauma like I did, and it doesn't matter what trauma it is, whether it's your parents getting divorced or you feel like you've been abandoned when that happens, or you watch your family or you lose a loved one or being bullied, whatever the trauma is, you think that's a part of who you are. And one of the big lessons for me after I turned 50 and I dealt with this stuff, it was like at that workshop, I got rid that trauma. I just went, ripped it out and boom, threw it on the ground. It's like, that's not me. That's just what happened to me. But what I struggled with then for the next 18 months was I had this big hole about, this is who I thought I was. I thought that was a part of me. And so then I had to rediscover who I was as a person. Because it's not who you are, it's just what happened to you. And that just, it was just what happened to me. And I, wouldn't change what's happened to me because it's made me the person I am. It's made me this stronger, more resilient, empathetic, caring, thoughtful, you know, passionate person so I wouldn't change my childhood or what's happened. I'm just very blessed of the lessons I've learned from it. But I had to, had to learn and at the age of 50, who I was. And that took, a little bit of time and a lot of energy.

>> Tiffanie: I can imagine that. I mean, trying to figure out who you are at any age, that is not a fun task. You have to look at yourself from all different directions and Be like, okay, well, I do this, this, and this, and sometimes I do this, and it's like, okay, who am I? What defines me? And, it's a long process.

>> Brett Dellar: It was. It was. It was really probably 18 months after I did the workshop that I, And that was me m. Continually doing work and working on myself. It took me 18 months to really feel comfortable in who I was again, because I just felt a bit lost for a while. So I was better. I was better than I was, but I just felt a bit lost about who I was with from within. So it was. It was. It was a little bit of a challenge, but it was. You know, it was. It was. It's got me to where I am today. So I'm very, very lucky and blessed.

>> Tiffanie: It was well worth it.

>> Brett Dellar: Absolutely.


What would you tell other survivors that are holding on to secrets

100.

>> Tiffanie: What would you tell other survivors that are holding on to secrets?

>> Brett Dellar: look, it's. Everyone's journey is different. and I don't have any regrets in my life. but the only one thing I would change is I wish I had stepped up and fought for myself earlier. And Whether it was 10, 20, 30 years earlier, I wish I fought for myself earlier. And that's what you're doing. You're fighting for yourself. And so that means if you are. If you do have this trauma or this secret or this. This emotion that's. That's dragging you down, then step. Step into that fear and talk to someone. The first step is to talk to someone. The first step is actually being aware of it and accepting that you need to help, find help. And the second step is to actually help someone. Sorry. To speak to someone. So just step into that fear and go, you know what? I need to deal with this. Because the first time you share it with someone, you feel lighter because the load has been taken away from you. The next time you do it. Like with my parents, that was just a massive load because it was such a massive secret within the family. because it was no one that we knew. I mean, it was a neighbor, but was no family member or anything. so it was a massive secret from me within the family. So they didn't know who I really was or why I struggled with alcohol, or depression. And, they didn't see the depth of my depression. I was very good at masking it when they were around. But, yeah, just reach out and ask for help and then find a way. Once you have that first conversation with someone that you love or trust, who's going to support you, then find a way at that point in time to move forward and whether that's seeing a psychologist, seeing a life coach, workshops, whatever works for you, find what works for you. And it might be a blend of things, which are which. For me it was a blend of things. And because not like a chiropractor, I can't fix everyone. But with a chiropractor, podiatrist, physio and a gp, you might have a great health overall. So you have to find that balance of what works with you with your mental health and wellbeing as well. Because there's so many different tools and exercises and workshops and psychology and counseling. There's so many options out there. Just find the blend that works for you.

>> Tiffanie: Did you try any modalities like EMDR or rtt, anything like that?

>> Brett Dellar: Yeah, EMDR was definitely used, especially early on. M With that first psychologist I talked about. And I had an anger release. I'll tell you a funny story about this anger release that I had with my second psychologist. And she said to me, you know, are you angry about what happened to you? And I went, no. Why am I angry? Because I was very, I was very. I'd compacted down all my anger in. It was just, it was non existent. I didn't get angry. It was very rare that I got angry. And I'd compressed all these emotions down that I didn't feel the highs and lows because I just ignored it. And she said, I want you to go out. She goes, well, first of all, you are angry. You just don't know you are because of what happened to you. So I want you to go and release some other anger. I want you to go out into the bush, find a tree, ask permission, and then Dylan scream at the stream they're very angry at about what happened to you. And I went, okay. So I went. I was driving whatever job I was doing at the time, I was doing some investigation work at the time. I was by myself. And I went, okay, we're out in the middle of nowhere. There's a big vacant block there and a big gum tree. So I walked over this big gum tree. I said, Mr. Gum Tree, can I please yell and scream at you? He didn't. He or she didn't say yes or no. so I just thought, well, that's a yes then. So I didn't say no. And so for the next four or five minutes I yelled and screamed at this tree and my voice was hoarse afterwards. But at no stage was there any emotion attached to my yelling and screaming. There Was. And I went back to her, I said, look, it didn't work. She goes, well, when you're ready, it'll come out. So I was 32 at that particular time. I went fast forward 18 years to that workshop and I mentioned about how I got to deal with my trauma in a powerful way, in a masculine way, in a supportive way. And guess what came out that particular day? A massive explosion of not just anger, but pure white rage. And I it just, it exploded. And because I was in a safe and controlled environment, I could let that anger out in a really, really powerful way. And all that hate and anger and frustration and shame and self blame and guilt and fear came out in this massive, explosive, violent, violent moment. And I just punched the shit out of, out of a punching bag. I just, I, it, I, it was banana shaped. By the time I finished with it, it was just, and it was so cathartic and I went through these waves of anger. First it was massive explosion and it went like that. And then I did a breathing exercises the next day and all of a sudden some more anger came out. And all of a sudden, right at the end of this and I was getting Both times I was being guided by facilitators. And then all of a sudden I just had this, the anger left and I continued to breathe. And it was quite funny because I had 25 other men in the room. I could hear some people crying and some people yelling and some people screaming and some people laughing. And you know, it was just, was bizarre. But you're so focused in on yourself. And all of a sudden I had this wave of emotion of come over me. And I had this vision of my wife, her face, and it was like this blue hazy hue around her.


For the first time in my life I had pure love for myself

And I just had this. For the first of my life I had this pure, this feeling of pure love. And it wasn't just about my love for her or the love we have for each other. It was the first in my life I had pure love for myself. And I just started sobbing uncontrollably. And I remember the guy next to me, he was giggling his ass off like a hyena. He was just giggling away. And I was like. And I had a facilitator come up next because we're lying down at the time. And he comes up, he whispers in my ear, he goes, what's going on? I said, I'm just so, so happy. And he goes, ah, you're in the good space, I'll let you enjoy it. He just Walked away. And so this. And so this. This, after that, I was in this massive high, so I was able to let out this pure hate and anger and rage inside me. And when I let that out, guess what? It opened up for pure love to enter. And so, for the first of my life, I actually liked who I was. I loved who I was. I respected who I was. and so that was a massive, massive moment that. Those two moments over the weekend, because, you know, before that, like I said, fear had controlled me. And when you're ready, we can chat about that as well.

>> Tiffanie: Oh, absolutely.

>> Brett Dellar: Yeah.


One of the lessons I've learned about the fear is. Fear keeps us alive and keeps us safe

So. So one of the lessons I've learned about the fear is. You know, fear is a sneaky. We've spoken already, but fear is a sneaky motherfucker. And it's like a chameleon. It can just. It can change color, and it's like. It's like a shapeshifter, you know, and it's in your ear. You know, that little voice you hear in your head, it's like, oh, you can't do that. You weren't good enough. That's fear, you know, holding you back from trying something new or trying something adventurous. Oh, you can't be in that relationship. She's not good enough for you. That's fear protecting you from being. Because fear is good. Fear keeps us alive and keeps us safe, but it's not good if it starts holding you back. Okay? You can't be in that relationship because she's too good for you, or you're not good enough for her. That's fear protecting you from being hurt. Okay? But if you don't. If you don't risk getting hurt, you don't risk anything. You know, you don't risk any. So you. So I remember getting hurt in my early 20s, and I was like. I remember went through. Because it triggered off a really big, massive. My first big, massive depression. I remember saying to myself, I will never let another woman hurt me ever again. Ever. Bang. And so every relationship I had after that, I was one foot in the door, one foot out the door without even knowing, because I was afraid of getting hurt. I was afraid of getting rejected again really so badly that it broke my heart in two. And so I was already open and honest, you know, about things. But I was. I didn't realize I was only one foot in, one foot out. And at, the age of about 37, I went, you know what? If I'm gonna. If I want a relationship, a deep, caring relationship, I have to risk getting hurt. Again. So I put my m heart on the line. First person I started dating broke my heart. And you know what? I survived. You know, I'm still here. I survived. It's okay. And the next person who came into my life was Kim. You know, and 16 years later, nearly seven years later, you know, we're happily married. We've had, I don't think we've ever had one big massive blow up. We've had some disagreements, but we've never had a big blow up argument. We just don't do that. And, you know, we love and support each other. So I had to risk getting hurt to find that, you know, perfect person for me. And so for the. When it comes to that stealth emotion, you know, like, you're not good enough, you're not worthy enough, you're not, you know, you don't deserve that. You know, that's fear holding us back. And then when it came for me to dealing with my, my past, the fear was so great that I refused to acknowledge it was a problem. I refused to. My whole attitude was, I'm okay, I'll be fine, I'm all right. Now. It's just fear protect me from dealing with that shame, guilt, emotion and that anger and fear and frustration that I've had since I was 6 years old, buried so deep that I couldn't even feel it until I was 50. So fear is a sneaky little that can control you. And it controlled how I acted, how I behaved, how I responded, my values and my beliefs about myself. You know, it controlled everything without me even knowing. And it's not until now that I've done all this work that I understand what it was doing. So just be very wary how fear, even though it protects you and keeps you safe, it can also hold you back and actually control your life and actually have a negative impact on you and those around you as well.

>> Tiffanie: I think we all get a good half and half on that. I think that's just being human. Sometimes it's, you know, to keep us safe and sometimes holding ourselves back. I held myself back for a very long time and I was like, no more. You can't live like this. Like you're never going to get what you want or what you think that you should be able to achieve if you don't try. If you don't try, you already failed.

>> Brett Dellar: 100%. 100%.


The grieving process is so different for so many people

And you know, and you know, let's give an example of how fear can control us. You know, a really common one is you lose a loved one, you Know, whether it's a parent or a sibling or, you know, a close friend, you know, the grieving process is so different for so many people. And I know, you know, you speak to someone and they might go, well, I had to look after, all my family. I had to make sure everyone else was okay. I had to make sure the funeral was done. I had to make sure that this was okay. And then by the time it's all over and done with, they still haven't grieved or processed anything. And it's like it becomes almost too hard or the emotions are too hard and too strong to start with, that they just get through the funeral, and then they shut everything down and they can't grieve in that moment. So that's fine. That's fear protecting them in that moment so they can actually get through that really tough period. That first month after someone passes away is really tough. The first two weeks until the funeral is really, really tough. and so fear is keeping him safe and allow him to cope and survive. But if you don't take time out and properly grief that person at some stage and let out all your sorrow, or, regret or sometimes even anger because you feel angry, why did you leave me? You know, why did you go, you know, you left me here alone? You know, that isolation, that loneliness, you have to deal with all those emotions attached to a death. If you don't, again, it's down there and it builds up, and then all of a sudden that fear will step in and go, okay, it kept you safe now, but now that you're not dealing with it, it's starting to cause you to feel depressed or lonely or isolated or angry because you haven't dealt with it. And at that point when it's starting to have a negative effect on you, that's when fear starts to have that impact that isn't healthy. And that's when you have to stop and go, okay, I need to deal with my grief now. Whatever way that is for that individual. Does that make sense?

>> Tiffanie: Makes perfect sense. It's just hard when you get to that point to allow it, because you didn't allow it for so long.

>> Brett Dellar: Yeah, yeah. And that. And that's the fear. That's the hard. And, you know, one of my favorite sayings is the healing that you're looking for is in the fear you're avoiding. And so if you want to heal, if you want to feel better, if you want to grow and learn, and then you have to step into that fear and Deal with it. Otherwise you get stuck like I was. Like you were. For whatever reason. Was for you. You get stuck for whatever reason. It wasn't till you stepped out of that comfort zone and into that fear zone and push through the fear zone. So once you get through the fear. So I'm gonna get. Get to. You get to that learning zone. You learn more about yourself, your emotions, you process it, you grow, and then you get that growth zone where you become more comfortable with who you are. So you've got to get out of that comfort zone and step into that fear and just grab. Grab life by the. You know, grab life by the balls. Grab life by the balls. Yes, that's right. That's what I was going to say. Grab it by the cojones and go forward with it. I was. I was trying to be polite, but, yeah, gotta grab by the balls. Let's go.

>> Tiffanie: Polite on this podcast.

>> Brett Dellar: No, there's. We have another saying over here. It's like, I don't know if you have it over in America. It's grab life by the shortened curlies.

>> Tiffanie: I've heard kick them in the short and curlies, but not grab them.

>> Brett Dellar: Yeah. Grandmother sh. Let's go. So, yeah.

>> Tiffanie: If you keep yourself in this box, how can you expect yourself to grow?

>> Brett Dellar: Yeah. Yeah. I had a classic example the other. Just a couple of weeks ago, I do a lot of public speaking. I haven't done a lot of MC work, and when I do get it, I get a lot of time to prepare for it. And a good friend of mine rang me up and said, Mate, our MCs just had an accident. He can't do it on Friday night. This is Monday night. So I had four days to prepare. Two of those days or, three of those days I was working. And so I had Wednesday to basically prepare this particular MC. And I had to. Actually, I found out at 5:00 that night, they had an interview. Two Olympians from the last Olympics, two Australian Olympians. One was a gold medalist. Medalist, actually. And so I was like, I've got Grayer in four days. So. Because I like to be very professional. And it was like doctors and surgeons and, and professors at this particular function with 120 people. So I wanted to make sure that I was really. And my first thought was, no way. No, I can't do this. I didn't say that. But in my head it's like, no, I can't do this. I'm not. I'm not good enough for this. And of course that's fear trying to hold me back. He said, look, just think about it overnight and get back in the next morning. And it's like, you know what? You teach this stuff all the time. You teach this shit all the time. Practice what you preach, step out of your comfort zone and you learn. If it's not perfect, it doesn't matter.


The series is based on soccer, American football

And, it wasn't perfect at times, but it was still very professional. Had an absolutely fantastic time with these two guys up on stage because. Had to interview them, had a lot of laughs, had a lot of great insight into their mindset, et cetera, and everyone just loved them. Evening. So, yes, it wasn't perfect, but still, I learned a lot about myself. I knew I could get it done in four days. So it was that fear just holding you back, going, oh, no, you might muck it up. You might not be good enough. You might make a fool of yourself. It's like, so what if you do, you know, you just won't get a job back at that place again. Yeah, exactly.

>> Tiffanie: I always say, if you're waiting for perfection, don't start. You're never going to be perfect. It's never, never going to be perfect.

>> Brett Dellar: Nothing ever is. Do you watch. Have you seen Ted Lasso at all?

>> Tiffanie: Who?

>> Brett Dellar: Ted Lasso. It's a TV show. it's an amazing. it's the. For anyone who's watching this, it's. It's on Apple TV and it's got Jason Sudokus. Is it. That's how you pronounce his name. So. So he is. He is one of the main. He's the main character. He plays Ted Glasso. It's an amazing. It goes for four. Three seasons. Three seasons. I think it is. And it's amazing insight into the human heart and allowing people to grow and learn and is the most. I'm getting goosebumps even talk about it. It's the most beautiful series I've ever watched. It's a comedy. It's based around soccer, American football. sorry, English football. And it is about how the. This one man has an impact on the club, the community and the people all around him and how he empowers them in a really beautiful way. And there's a scene in it when they have this little group of men who have a chat occasionally. And this particular character, and I can't think of his name, he said, there's no such thing as perfection. All you can do is strive to be better every day. And I can't remember exactly how it goes. But you aim to be better every day. And if you do that, you're always moving towards better. There's no such thing as perfection. You're always moving towards better. Just ask for help, reach out, do what you need to do. And it's one of the most poignant, beautiful scenes in the series. And it's just. Yeah, watch Ted Lasso. Okay. I've watched it four times. It was great. So just obsessed by it.

>> Tiffanie: Yeah, I have to look into that. Sounds like a good one. Is it a tearjerker?

>> Brett Dellar: there's definitely some. Some cheery moments. But to watch the development of the characters go from who they are, initially to who you. Because initially there's one. You know, there's a guy called Jamie Tartt in the. In this particular thing. And when you first meet Jamie. Jamie in the show, he's an arrogant flog, basically. You just don't like him at all. He's just a douche. By the end of the series, you love him. You know, my favorite character is a guy played by Brett Goldstein, who is. Who's a writer and comedian, and he actually helped write the series. And he plays this. This part of Roy Kent. And Roy is. He's like Oscar the Grouch. He's always. He talks like this and. But he's always such. He's always just. He does everything from the heart, even though he's a grumpy old bugger. And his transition from the first episode to last episode is beautiful to watch as well, because he opens his heart up much, more towards the end. He's not this closed down hard, man. It's a beautiful series. It's just. Yeah. Sorry. Well, I know we're way off track here, but.

>> Tiffanie: Yeah, no, you're fine. I'll have to check it out.


You do coaching, you do speaking, you offer online programs

So you offer a bunch of services. You do coaching, you do speaking. So people wanted to get a hold of you. It's Brett Deller dot com.

>> Brett Dellar: Yep. Yep, that's right. So that's my speaking page and what I do in that space. I also have Momentum revolution dot com. So Momentum Revolution is where we have all our workshops and our, online programs and our coaching and that sort of stuff. So I did the one on one coaching like you mentioned, but Kim and I, my wife and I, she's also a life coach and we do two on two relationship coaching as well, which is really cool. I don't think many people do that. So it's really nice to. We bounce off each other, so. Well, we work together, so well, that it's very organic in that moment when we're working with another couple. So that's. That's really cool. And we have online programs. We obviously have the workshops here in Australia that we do. And, yeah, I just. I'm very passionate about that mental and emotional wellbeing on all the socials. So just look up Dr. Brett Della on the socials and you'll. You'll find me like me. Say g'day. Always happy to say g'day and reach out to people from all around the world, so. Absolutely.

>> Tiffanie: And I'll make sure I put the links in the show notes to make it easier for people to find you.

>> Brett Dellar: Thank you very much. That's appreciated.


Stephanie: Anything else you wanted to add before we close

>> Tiffanie: So, of course, is there anything else that you wanted to add before we close?

>> Brett Dellar: No, I think we covered a fair bit today, didn't we? It was, you know, just that I'm very, very grateful and blessed that you asked me m. Onto the podcast. And I'm just so, grateful that I've been able to share. So one of my passions is sharing my story. And just everything for me is about perspective. If you get to listen to a lot of different perspectives about life and about your journey, then all of a sudden you learn more about yourself. So just been able to share my perspective and a bit about my journey. I just hope to inspire and hopefully empower others out there to take those steps, because you're never too old to change, to do something different, to just love life and grab it by the balls and just. Just enjoy the loves and the laughs and the ups and downs of challenges. And, you know, for me now, when something is hard, yes, it hurts me initially or hits me initially, but just have to take a step back. Go. This is a challenge. How do I deal with it? Move on. Don't get dragged down by it. So just love life, laugh, love, embrace, hug, do all that.

>> Tiffanie: I love it. And if you know somebody who needs to hear this episode, please share it with them, because we need to heal as many people as we can.

>> Brett Dellar: Yeah, absolutely. So. And when we heal one person, it doesn't just heal them, it impacts all those domino effects. Yeah. Their family, their community, you know, they're their nation at the end of the day. So the more healed people, the better.

>> Tiffanie: Oh, yeah. That's what we need. Yes. Well, thank you so much for being here, Brett. It was a pleasure speaking with you. I had fun.

>> Brett Dellar: Thanks. Thanks, Stephanie. I really appreciate it and great to speak to you as well.