How Swearing, Self-Care & Radical Honesty Saved Her Life | Zulma Williams

What if healing meant getting loud, swearing a little—or a lot—and choosing you for the first time ever?
Zulma Williams, founder of Dragon Therapy Services, is here to destroy the myth that healing has to be quiet or graceful.
After surviving domestic abuse and cancer, Zulma rebuilt her life through radical honesty, fierce self-love, and yes—a few well-timed F-bombs.
This episode is packed with truth bombs, tools, and permission to be unapologetically you.

What you’ll get from this episode:
✔️ How to stop bottling emotions and start releasing them in healthy (and loud) ways
✔️ The truth about fear of success—and how to stop sabotaging your growth
✔️ Why putting yourself first isn’t selfish, it’s necessary
✔️ A powerful new lens on healing, trauma, and the myths we’ve been sold

This is the episode that might just set your inner fire free.

How to contact: 
https://www.dragonflytherapyservices.net/about-me
https://www.instagram.com/theswearingtherapist/

Mentioned in this episode:
https://www.melrobbins.com/
https://www.netflix.com/title/81762778

Transcript

Zulma Williams is an acclaimed swearing therapist

>> Tiffanie: Are you ready to discover and honor your own internal hero? If you are, you are in the right spot. This is True Crime Connections. I am Tiffanie, your host, and today, the founder of the Dragon Therapy Services, Zulma Williams is joining us, and she is an acclaimed swearing therapist.

>> Zulma Williams: Love it. Stephanie, thank you for having me on this show.

>> Tiffanie: I'm so intrigued.

>> Zulma Williams: I like to keep it real, you know, and it's like, I'm not gonna say, oh, fudge. I'm gonna say fudge, basically.

>> Tiffanie: I mean, we really decided those were bad words anyways, right?

>> Zulma Williams: So to me, on a. On a serious note, bad words are war and hunger and abuse and violence. Those are the bad words. Not fucking, shit and bitch. So, you know, I understand I'm not everybody's cup of tea, but I'm happy to be on this show when I can be myself.

>> Tiffanie: Absolutely. That's what I promote. I want everyone who's on, my show to be their authentic self, and I'm my authentic self, and that's what's important.


You have been diagnosed with cancer, correct? Spoiler alert

So self care journey has been a very long one. You've dealt with abusive relationships, depression. You have been diagnosed with cancer. You're now in remission, correct?

>> Zulma Williams: Spoiler alert. I kick cancer in us. I don't know.

>> Tiffanie: Do you have one of those stickers on your car that says cancer?

>> Zulma Williams: Have a T shirt that says fat Cancer. I don't need.

>> Tiffanie: That is great.


So when we go back, where does this story really begin?

So when we go back, where does this story really begin?

>> Zulma Williams: So I was born and raised in Buenos Aires, Argentina. I came to the United states at age 31, and I was working at a. About age 42, I was working at a. In the accounting department of a big corporation. And I was like, hey, I sure want to do this shit for another 25 years. So I started a school. I, enrolled in the Bachelor of Social Work program. I always wanted to be a therapist. Like, I'm the kind of person that you. You don't know me. And you're like, oh, my God, I never, told anybody this story, so I start fucking charging for it, right? So I enrolled at 42. I graduated at 46 with the idea of doing my master's and then doing my internship, became independently licensed. So six weeks after I graduated at, 46, I got diagnosed with breast cancer. So, okay, let's take a break from higher education. So I kind of, like, took care of my health at the beginning. The treatment is very intensive. Like, I will go to a hospital every three weeks, and then they start like, okay, it's like, Once a month and then once every three months and so on and so forth. And then about a month short of my, 50th birthday, I started my master's, of social work. So, so I, it was an advanced program, so I graduated in one year. And then I did my internship and then I became independently licensed at age 53 and a half. And the good thing about this profession is that I bring my own life experience into my office. So when I have a client telling me like, oh, I'm, I'm told to like, you know, start school. And I started at 50, like, you're biking at the wrong tree. English is not my first language. You know what I mean? It's like, do you, how bad do you really want to achieve this? Right? Like, so I've been in abusive relationships where like I didn't believe that I was in absurd or that I, I deserve to be loved or whatever it might be. And through therapy at that time, bless my therapist, like, she, she has a fucking like half of heaven for things with my aunt. but I, through therapy, I learned that if you want to change the relationship, you need to change yourself. You, we have no control over the other person, right? We only have control over ourselves. So if I, she, this is what she said. If you change, the relationship cannot stay the same. Because I wanted him to change, right? So I, start building my self esteem. This is prior to me enrolling in school. I started building my self esteem and then that relationship could not survive because I wasn't that person anymore that he could control, that he can manipulate and all those things. So if anybody listening is in that type of relationship, I'll suggest that you start by doing therapy, but also by asking what is my role in this relationship, right? So if, let's say you have children, so you stay in the relay. Oh, funny story about having children. So I, I was fucking 51 when I graduated, right? So I started my internship and m. My colleagues are 25, right? So they are like having clients that, giving suggestions about parenting or whatever. And, and they're like, do you have children? Like, don't tell me what to do with my children. They never asked me because I was old, so they assumed had children, but I don't have children. If you would have asked me, I.

>> Tiffanie: Tell you the truth.

>> Zulma Williams: So had a colleague, she was 25 and she looked 13. So she was like, they are question. Well, keep breathing and you're going to be old like me and then I'm not going to ask you anymore. You know, like. But, so anyhow, going back to if you are in an abusive relationship, but you have children, you owe it to yourself and to your children. What kind of example are you giving your children? Right? Like you are showing them that it's okay to be mistreated or to be treated this way. It doesn't matter if you have daughters or sons, because if you have a son, you are teaching him that this is an okay way of treating a woman. And if you have a daughter, you are showing her that it's okay to be treated like this. So it's kind of like you really owe it to yourself. But then you are leading, your children by example of what you are willing to take and what you are not willing to take. So it's kind of like, how can I tell you? Like, oh, don't lie when I'm all the time always lying, right? Kind of like, okay, like, which way does this go? So by putting yourself first, as women especially, we always put ourselves at the bottom of the list, right? Like, well, I had to do, like, I had to be everything to everybody. But we cannot give from an empty vessel. So it's like when cancer came into my life to rearrange my priorities. Believe it or not, I'm too fucking old right now. But believe it or not, I will see people, please there. So I was like, oh, no, like, I don't want to offend you that I'm m. Like, okay, fuck it. Like, you know, I know I'm not everywhere this cup of tea, but I, I'm okay with that now. But cancer came to rearrange those priorities because. Because I was like, oh, what if Tiffanie gets offended? But the problem is we are not tequila. We cannot make everybody happy, right? So if I want, oh, you said, oh, I love your red top. And then someone else says, you are you, are you wearing red? Who the fuck do I please? So I look in the mirror and oh, the first thing that this red looks good to me. it is what it is. Because I cannot, if I please you, I cannot please the other person. So it's an impossible task to please everybody. So if you are true to yourself, then the right people will remain in your life. Why do I want this fake ass friendship where I can, I can sugar instead of shit, where cuz you get offended. where like I can be myself with a true friend, right? Like, why is this Tiffanie so important that I need to change myself in order to not disappoint you? When we do that, someone is Getting disappointed. So if I change myself to not disappoint you, I'm disappointing myself. So we need to be very, very careful with that, because somebody is getting disappointed, but I'm, putting everyone else ahead of me so they don't get disappointed. But I'm disappointing myself. So we need to be very, very, very careful with that. Because it's like. And then at the end, you might say something or I might say something, and then the friendship ends.


Tiffany Jackson says you can't control who you allow into your life

And I have been pretending to be this person that I'm not, and I still don't have your friendship because I have no control over you. I only have control over myself. So when we come to our essence and we are showing who we are is the relationship is more honest, is more truthful. Like with my clients, for example, like, it's with me is not a great idea. Oh, I'm not sure. You either fucking like me or you hate me. That there is no. I'm not sure, you know, like, so my clients love me because I am direct and I talk to them like I'm talking to you. I'm not sugarcoating. Life is too fucking short. Like, I. My ideal client is an adult, a high motivated adult who wants to get better. So it's like, if you are not sure, I cannot want you to get better more than you do. I cannot pull this more than you do. Right? Because you are the one fucking doing the work if you don't want it. So, like, I had people who are, oh, yeah, no, I'm ready. And then when the shit gets serious, they realize they are not ready, which is fine. There are millions of therapists. I'll refer you to one of them. I'm not the one to. Oh, oh, poor Tiffanie, that. Let me hold your hand, like, bitch, do you want to get better or not? But, and it's okay if you are not ready, because sometimes we start therapy, and then it is hard work. It gets very, very difficult to do. But if. If you're not really that smart, like those. Those type of clients, they don't last with me because it's like they're like, oh, this bitch is serious. Like, yeah, this is your life. You know, I'm, I describe therapy as you are the driver, and I'm, on the. The GPS guiding. But if you don't turn the ignition, we are not fucking moving. Do you want to get where you want to get to? Because I'm fucking vitamin you.

>> Tiffanie: I love that so much. And that is so true. Like, you can't make somebody else be who you want them to be. They have to be who they want to be, who they aspire to be. And if you're not going to do the work, then there's no point in wasting anybody's time because time is one thing that we do not have enough of. And don't waste it being miserable second guessing everything. You have to learn to take control of your life.

>> Zulma Williams: M. Absolutely. And so you let people I love Mel Robbins, the let them theory, right? Because it's like you, you allow them to be who they are and then you get to decide if you want that person in your life. But I cannot be like, oh well I want you in my life and you have to do a B. I said what is this fucking job description? So it's like I observe who you are and what you do and what values do you have. And then I decide if I want to in my life or not. Because I do have control over who do I allow in my life. But again, I cannot control what you do. How you think whatever what your values are. Right, but we need to be, to be very observant in what if you, your values don't align with mine. The friendship is not whatever type of relationship is not going to survive. Like I had an issue at ah, at the office not too long ago and it just, it blew my mind. But I understood that this colleague didn't have the same values that. So I was expecting her to do what I will do in that situation. Okay, reality. Jackson, what the fuck? Like you are expecting her to have the integrity that you have, right? Well, welcome to life. And the big disappointments, right? When she show her true colors, then I'm like, oh, okay, I, I choose to not, not to do business with this person. But it's kind of like I give you like a. Subconsciously I'm giving you what is called a, A positive projection. I put on you my good qualities until you prove me wrong. But that's on me. Like if I, if I'm like oh, Tiffanie is this Tiffanie is that blah blah blah. And then you're not. But I put those qualities on you and then you show me who you truly are. It's kind of like I need to revisit my projection because you were always who you are. But I could, I couldn't see it or I didn't want to see it, whatever it might be. But it's kind of like, oh, okay, so you don't have integrity then. Now that I have that information I make an informed decision about who do I want to do business with.

>> Tiffanie: I do feel like there is in some people though, like I like to call it the representative term. So you meet someone and they are the thing that you want them to be. They say all the right things, they do all the right things, they treat you like you are fucking God. And then two, three months in the real person, lonely starts to creep in because you can't hold a facade forever. The true you has to come out and that representative starts to, little by little, back away.

>> Zulma Williams: I love it. Absolutely. That's it. So when I start showing you my true colors, then is the time for you to make a different decision. We always make the best decisions based on the information that we have at the time. So if, if you, if I don't know you and I, I, I meant it, the representative, I love it. I'm going to steal it if I meet the representative. And then I start realizing that the real you is not who I thought you were. It's like, okay, sometimes we get so stuck into our own image of the person and we try to make it fit and it's like, you need to make a different decision. If I tell you, like, okay, Finnie, like, invest in my company and you're going to have this return on investment the first five years. And then it's like the first year goes by and you don't see a penny. And that second year goes by and you don't see like, but I'll be like, no, no, but you trust me, you're going to get your money back. Why would you keep investing when you are not seeing the rich? So if you invest for 20 years in my company and then you are broke. We are both broke. Don't come to me like, oh, I trusted you. Like, reality was showing you that it's time to make a different decision. We understand a lot better those in terms of financial because like, we think that money is like, we are not going to see it again.


How do we invest our time in relationships that are no longer working

But the real investment is the time. As you said, we don't have that much time. Time is a commodity we're never going to get back. This time we're sharing together, neither you or I, are, we're going to get it back. So how are we investing our time, time in relationships, in, in a, marriage that is no longer working, whatever it might be, you don't have the time. You're not going to get it back. So why do you keep investing? If you cheat on me one more time and then you cheat on me and I forgive you. Next time you cheat on me, it's going to be the last time that you cheat on me and I continue, I am, perpetuating that behavior. I'm not condoning the behavior, but I'm, actively participating in that. So when I tell you, next time you cheat on me, I need to stand on that. Because next time you cheat on me, have a good life, pain going to be me, right? No, please forgive me. I'm not going to. That goes for emotional violence, for physical violence, for, for cheating, whatever it might be. The behavior we are active participants in, the other person, we are taking that behavior. We are not stopping. You can continue to cheat, but I'm not going to be sitting at home waiting for you to stop cheating. That's where my responsibility for my own life comes into play. And that's one of the hardest things to do because I invested. So it's been a 15 year relationship. Well, do I want to waste another 15 years of my life? Because you are not going to fucking change. You're showing me your true colors. So because I invested 15 years, I'm going to give you another 15. I ain't getting any fucking younger. So it's kind of like I need to stop this. You are bleeding me. My return on investment is. There is no return. You are bleeding me. But because I invested so much, I don't want to let it go. After you invested $5 million and you didn't see a penny, how many, how, many more millions are you going to, you know, like, so. But it's not like it is so hard because. And especially if you have children with that person or whatever. But it's again, it's like, what are you teaching your children?

>> Tiffanie: Yeah, I've said that in a previous episode, actually just a few ago, and I. You're setting a bad example is what you're doing. You're teaching them, like you had said earlier, that this is acceptable. And then you're going to get upset later on when they become either abusers or abuses and you're like, well, I didn't raise you that way.

>> Zulma Williams: technically you did, but have you seen the movie? It ends with us. I have not.

>> Tiffanie: It's on my watch list, but I just know it's going to make me ball my eyes out.

>> Zulma Williams: So, Right. Well, I, I mean, it's a great movie and to the point that, we are making. But I'm not going to spoil it for you or the listeners if they haven't yet. It's on Netflix now, so, yeah, it.

>> Tiffanie: Is on my to do list. And it's funny, though, because I can already tell what it's about. I am actually a product of generational trauma, and I figured it out in my 30s, and I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Everything makes so much sense now. How I got to where I am, you know, why I ended up in abusive relationships, why I thought this was love. And, you know, it was no fault to the person who was doing it, because it was done to them. It's a generational fucking cycle. And I was like, you know what? It ends here. Like, I'm not doing this to my son. I'm not going to do it. I messed up when I was younger. I'm human. I was a young mother, you know? But now I make every effort to try to try to say I'm sorry and to do better as a person, as a parent, you know, and that's all you can do. It's okay. Like, sometimes if you fuck up, like, you're human, learn from it, grow from it.

>> Zulma Williams: Absolutely. So it's not their fault that they're abusing you, because that's all they know. But at a certain point, the same way that you said it, this will end with me. And I'm not going to make, my son suffer through this. Is the other person's responsibility to also learn from their mistakes and stop the cycle of abuse. However, if they are not ready to learn, that's again, where you come into being the CEO of your own life and be like, okay, I'm not. I'm not a project manager. I'm not going to help you build yourself. You know what I mean? It's like, because we go from building this person to building this person to building, like. Like, no. So that's where we need to set the boundary and be like, okay, what am I teaching my son? So I'm not gonna get in. I'm gonna put on a stop to this. So when we set those boundaries and it's like, oh, you don't love me, blah, blah, blah. You know what? I do love you. I had to love myself more than I love you. This from happening to me, and you go do whatever it is that you need to do. but a lot of times, so when I was, being an intern, you really have to provide therapy to whom a veteran comes through the door, right? Like, you don't get a choice. And I had a lot of couples, Asian couples therapy now, but at the time, because, like, this person is hurting this person, and this person is. So it's like, okay, my forget you need individual therapy, and you need individual therapy. You're wasting my time. Like, they can reach out and that's what you want. Go like, on the betrayal on your own and then decide if you want to stay with this person, right? But they were coming to me so that I can solve the problem, right? And it's like, no, you need to work on yourself and you need to heal yourself in order to realize that you don't want this anymore for your life, right? But the thing is that that is the hardest thing to do.


Kim says it's everyone's responsibility to take care of themselves

Working on ourselves, where I can resolve your fucking life. You told me I'll tell, like, you know, I could resolve your life like that. When it comes to me, I get disappointed, I get upset, I get angry. All that I teach my clients, I'm like, bitch, like, you're now. You're now practicing what you preach. So, so I'm like, okay, fuck, you know, like, okay, can I get that right example with the business associate. I'm like, I was so upset. Don't you tell your clients to not, you know, like, don't waste their time on things that they cannot control. So I had to like, reel back and be like, oh, positive, projecting, like, right, thanks, Else. But the thing is that we learn and then we can make a choice to do differently. So to a certain extent, the same way that we learn from our mistake and our trauma and we are doing something different, it is that person's responsibility to take care of their own lives and also stop fucking abusing people because they've been abused. But if they are not ready yet to take that step, that's fine. But I don't need to keep you in my leg if that's what you are doing, right? So they don't know better, but when they know better, they need to do better. And if they don't, it is my responsibility to not allow that type of energy in my life. Life is complicated as it is. So if, if, like, if I'm taking care of you and him. And you know what? At a certain point, you have to be accountable for your mistakes and, and do better and heal yourself so that when you work on yourself, then you become a better person and a better mom and a better partner and a better sibling and a better daughter and it better friend, whatever. But it all comes from you taking care of you. So it's not selfish. It's absolutely, needed. Because if I don't take care of Me and get to know myself and how can I do better, How I'm going to teach that to my son or my partner or, like, a lot of times I have people say, like, oh, my mom needs therapy. that's why we have fucking kids. But instead of going and telling your mom, you need, oh, you need therapy, what I suggest you do is you go to your mom and you share with your mom how much therapy is. Has been helping you. Because nobody likes to be told what to do. I told her, okay, Tiffanie, you need to go to the gym. Okay, let's go together. No, no, bitch. Fucking going. You need to go. Hey, right? But if I tell you, you know, I start working out and I feel better, and even I inspire you to go to the gym with me, because I'm leading by example. So when I tell. When I told my mom, oh, you need therapy, that who die and make you boss. But if you plant the seed, like, oh, my God, I started therapy and it's really helping. I didn't even know what to expect or, whatever, then I might inspire you for you to seek that, because it's like, oh, shift. Like, yeah, you do. You're looking better and you do feel better and blah, blah, blah, and you're making different decisions and, well, it's available to you, too. But I'm not telling you what to do. I'm leading by example. Going back to a young person telling me I'm too old to go to school. Like, listen, I did it at, 42. I did it at 50. Like, what? What the fuck are you talking about? Oh, I want to be a podcaster. Fucking 59. I started doing podcasts. What is stopping you from. From starting? By the way, bless your heart for doing this because, like, I know it's a lot of work. Like, I just want to be a fucking guest for now, like, because it's towards you.

>> Tiffanie: It is a lot of work. People don't realize how much time goes into this and resources.

>> Zulma Williams: So, Kim, I. I really appreciate you and your fucking. I ain't gonna happen. But it's like, what. What is stopping me other than myself, right?

>> Tiffanie: You know, it's crazy because I've always known I've been scared of failure, but it took me time to realize. I honestly think I was also afraid to succeed.

>> Zulma Williams: Oh, my God, that is so real. The fear of success is so real, and it is tied to generational, trauma. Because if you are successful and your family is not, who the fuck are you to be all that? Because that Is the reaction instead of like, oh, Tiffanie, like she's doing it so I can do it too. Instead of being a source of inspiration, it's a source of rejection. That, oh, oh, so you think you're all that? Yes, and a bag of chips and.

>> Tiffanie: A soda on the side.

>> Zulma Williams: So. But the fear of success, like, you, you leave behind friends, you leave behind family members, you leave behind patterns. You leave behind, like, who the fuck are you? Even if it's for the best. People are more used to be attached to their misery to, than to them. The potential unknown, of happiness. Because. Don't know, I, I know this misery, but the potential like, oh, oh, being happy seems like, like it's so far fetched that I'm not. No, I just, just leave me with my misery.


Marina made a conscious decision not to have children after being diagnosed with cancer

That's why traveling is so important, right? Like you are exposed to different culture and, and different. Like I, I always say a poor person in Argentina is different than a poor person in the United States. Which is hard to understand until you either have lived there or you travel there. And you see how I mean to me, like, a lot of people say like, oh, you, you left Argentina, you want to stay me, the real heroes are the ones who remain my family because they've been dealing with the same shit for the last 28 years. I was like, okay, peace out. I'm going to stay right next, so. Which was a hard adjustment, but I love it here. And I have a different life that I will ever have over there. But they remain in that life. When I was diagnosed with cancer, I moved back to Argentina for three years and my friends were like, bitch, you need to calm down because like, you're going to have a heart attack. Because I was like, this does not, be like, people are fucking rude. There is no I talk. Let me talk to the manager. You know, like, if you, if you change your mind, you bought something and you change your mind, like you're on your own. And I was like, Tina, Merrick and the dive in America, right? Like, you need to calm the fuck down because you are not going to survive. And I always talk to my, my brother. Like he said, if I would have remained there, I probably would be dead right now. Because it's like, no, I just want things to function the way that they supposed to. And America is not perfect, but trust me, is a lot better than Buenos Aires, right? So we have a lot to learn as a society, but we are well advanced compared to where I come from. And when I was trying to explain that to my friends. They were like, no. Because we had to make the decision to accept the reality as is. Otherwise we're going to be angry all the time. We're going to have a stroke or a heart attack. Because yes, you are right, it should be different, but it's not. So you either adapt or you're going to fucking die. There is no in between. And I was like, I, I was there for three years. I, I, I couldn't take it anymore. Like, I was like, no, I, I'm going back to the States. Fuck it. Like, it's not worth it. And it reminded me of, why I came to the United States in the first place. Right? So it was like, kind of like, oh, you know, like when, when you, Like, I have friends who have children and I babysit and everybody is happy because I go to dinner and I get my maternal instinct to fill up and then I fucking do my best. Four kids, Marina. And right here, like, they have my share of children. Like, so I do appreciate it. I'm like, I don't know how the fuck you do this day in and day out. And then they come to my house and everything is in his place. Oh, well, your house is, it's so nice. It's my excuse. I'm, the only one who lived here. Saved that. Sorry. This place is in a foreign place. It's like, you got four kids moving here. Like, you cannot compare your life to mine. And I, cannot compare mine to yours because, like, we have different realities. So I was like, when I was 40, I decided, okay, didn't happen up until now. I'm not going to have children now. Right. And I made a conscious decision that, okay, by not having children, I'm not going to have grandchildren. Right. I guess, like, it goes, it trickles down. But also, by not having children, I don't have the headaches that you have because you're a mom. Meaning, like, your child gets sick. And Christmas nights, until your child gets better. The fear of, like, sending your child to school cause you don't know if he's coming back. All those fears. I see it in my practice, but I don't experience that myself. I also don't experience that first smile or those first steps or the I love you, mommy, or the graduation or. Right. Like all these things that come with having children. But when we made the decision and we embrace that decision, now we are in for the bride. I cannot be thinking, and who would be a mom? Like, it's not all about the Pregnancy. Like, I know a lot of women who are more concerned about being pregnant than being a mom. Like, if I want to be a mom, I can adopt, right? But it's like, again, it's a conscious decision. I'm like, I love my freaking freedom, right? Like, I don't. To have a baby theater to do this podcast right now, right? For keep my fucking child Benadryl. So he get a thing down, like, you know, so it's like, I love my freedom. I could be a mom anytime I want. Do you want the pregnancy or you want motherhood, right? Like, do you want marriage or you want the wedding? Like, a lot of times get lost in like, no, we can go to the courthouse and, and get married. We don't need the six father thousand wedding, so. Because those are the ones that last the last amount of time, right? Except I'll take that fucking money and I go travel the world, right? Like with my new husband. But sometimes we get lost in that. It's like, do you. If you want it, you can still. Like, if I want to be a mom, I can still do it. But I consider myself, it will be selfish if I adopt a kid because I'm already 59, but when the kid graduates, I'm going to be fucking with the book and like, going to the graduation if I fucking make it that long. In a lot of times, like, we don't understand the repercussions of our decisions.


Whatever it is that we want to do in life, it is available

So you, you mentioned you were a young mom, which means that you are going to enjoy a lot more of your child because you were so young when you had him, right? Like, versus, like fucking being a mom at 60. And then like, when your kid is 20, you're fucking 80. And I still don't fucking understand Instagram. right now, can you imagine at, it's like we have that responsibility, but it is whatever it is that we want to do in life, it is available if we are willing to work for it. The cancer, in a way, came to show me how bad I wanted to be a therapist. Because if we had gone back to doing accounting, nobody would have pointed the finger at me. I had cancer. No, bitch, I got better. And I continue my education. And I was still going to the doctor, I was still doing the shots or whatever I needed to do, but I continued my education. I made a decision that I had cancer. Cancer didn't have me. And that applies for any challenges that people are going through, because if you don't allow that shit to own you, then it's a Part of your life, but it's not your entire life. And it truly was my entire life. It was all about the treatment, the doctors, it, medicine, whatever. But as I look back, it's like, okay, cancer didn't help me. what did I wanted to do with my life? Okay, I wanted to go back to school, right? Except when we really, really, really want to do something, we find a way. I'm not motivated to me, motivation is fucking overrated. You have done shit you were not motivated to do all your entire life. You didn't tell yourself, like, no, you know what? I'm not motivated to change your diaper. Like, sorry, you fucking got up and you did. Yeah, and you were taking care of the hitman is m not the motivation. You go to work and you're not fucking motivated to do it, but you fucking do it because you don't want to be homeless. So motivation is not the same. So I told my clients, you need to become Nike and just do it. Because if you wait for a long vacation, it might never come.

>> Tiffanie: Exactly. And sometimes it's just that little push we need to then gain the motivation that we need to keep going and to succeed.

>> Zulma Williams: Right? I'm full of what I call bumper stickers, right? Like this. I go, I. I play with bumper stickers. It's like, you have done shit all your life that you were not motivated to do. But I had to. No, you don't. The only thing you have to is pay taxes on diet. And the first one is optional. You chose to, right? Oh, I don't want to go to the gym today. But you fucking go. Oh, that's a choice. Well, I get to get m. My workout workout done. But I fucking start working out like, two months ago. So, like, you don't have to, Right? Working out. Let me refrain. I start walking every day. Two months ago, I feel energized. I'm like, yeah, I believe you. Like, you know, but whatever. But am I motivated to do it? No, but I wasn't motivated to write a fucking 36 page paper either. But I did it, right?


Don't apologize for your schedule or your business structure

So when you, you use that excuse that, oh, I'm not motivated. You know, it's like, how bad do you want it? So how bad do you want the shower? To me, like, I don't do conking. I'm too much of the princess. Like, I, I want a fucking toilet. I want a shower. So I might not want to work, but I like the benefits of having a shower and taking a shit in the toilet. So. Because I need to pay the rent, but I want to take, yeah, it's not sit back. I just want to take a shit on the toilet. So I had to make decisions to make that happen. I don't want to ride the bus. So I had to buy a car and take care of the car. I didn't have a car in Argentina. Like that helps me appreciate a lot more everything that I got in here because I didn't have it over there. But also it's kind of like how you really need to be true to yourself and find out how bad do you want what you say that you do? Because if it was easy, everybody would do it, right? But it's like, do you really, really, really want it? Because if you do, you're going to find a way. I know people who get up at fucking 4:00 to go to the gym. Like, what? I'm just, you don't hear me end up at what I'm talking about, you know, like, meanwhile, I'm m not a morning person. So that's why my first appointment in my practice said no, do you want this? Because you are not going to get this at fucking 7:00 in the morning. So when I was an intern, I had to start at tracking 8:00. So I wake it up at 5. But now that I have my own practice, yeah, well, 8:00 on Monday works better for me. Okay, I give you a referral, all of a sudden you can fucking accommodate. If you want that surgeon or that doctor, you're going to fucking accommodate your schedule. Because he only sees patients on Wednesdays at 3pm I'm the same way. I'm not that surgeon. But you want my services Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday from 12 to 6 as. But I don't take it personal one way or the other. Like if you took like, well, but I want to work with you. Okay, it has to be a, Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday from 12 to 6, you know what I mean? Because when we start making concessions for that. So if I'll make an exception for you and I'll see you on Monday at 8. Well, first of all, you're not going to get this. But second of all, I'm going to start growing resentful towards you because, oh, well, why did I say yes to Tiffanie? And now I had to fucking get up and pretend I'm awake. And if you really, really want to work with me, you're going to find a fucking way. So I don't apologize for my schedule and for My business structure. I give myself a four day weekend every week so I don't get burned up. Right? So it's, oh, oh, I wish I could do that. Why can't you? Colleagues, right? Why can't you? I have colleagues in private practice who work 60 hours a week. And what the fuck are you in private practice for? So, yes, they are making a lot more money than I am. But in, in this period of my life, I just want to have a balanced life. It's, it's not about. And we all have different goals, which is fine, but it's like, you know what? I, I don't want to be making 250,000. I mean I would. I too old for only fans, but it's like, you know, if I can make 250,000, I would. But it's like that's not my objective at this point. I want to have my four day weekend so that I can fly to San Diego if I need to and be at the beach and whatever. Right? Like, so I, I made it work for me. I don't work for my business. I made my business work for me. So that comes with a lot of. I'm not apologizing. Like I have colleagues who will be let you say, oh, no, I really, really need Mondays at 8 and they will accommodate. And then they fucking bitch to me because they have Tiffanie. I'm like, why didn't you speak? And if you did, then fucking deal with it. Don't fucking come crying to me like it's your decision. And so I fucking talk too much. But I would like to.


If you woke up today, that means your mission in life is not done

I know we need to start wrapping up, but I would like to leave the audience with whatever. If you woke up today, that means that your mission in life is not done. So however you need to push through today, just whatever you do is just for today. And if today is too long, just do it for one hour. And if one hour is too long, just do it for the next 15 minutes and you push through whatever the fuck you're going through for the next 15 minutes. You have a hundred percent track record of success about overcoming your challenges. How do I know? Because you're here. Whatever shit happened to you could not take you up, otherwise you wouldn't be here. So remember that this is not me. Oh, I'm going to make Tiffanie feel well, feel good. If this is your own fuck. I don't even know what trauma you went through, but whatever trauma you've been through could not take you out. So remember that you are more resilient than you are giving yourself credit for. So if you again, if you woke up today, keep fucking pushing through because you are worth it. Nobody can take your place in the world and make it. Like T shirts is only, only you can do that. So when, when life gets tough, reflect back to that time or those times in your life where you were like, I cannot fucking keep going through. Like, I don't, I cannot make it. And yet you did because you are here. But at the time it felt like you couldn't and yet you did it. So don't believe your brain so much. This motherfucker is like a 2 year old throwing a temper tantrum 24 7. We cannot do it. We are not going to survive it. Sit in the backseat, I don't have time for you.

>> Tiffanie: Oh hell yeah. Your brain can be your worst enemy.

>> Zulma Williams: It lies all the time because the brain is trying to prevent you from suffering. So it makes you suffer just in case. It's a controlled suffer, but it's suffering regardless. So it's kind of, oh, I'm not going to love you because you're going to die. Your says, I'm going to love you. I'm loving you and enjoying your presence because you are here. And then I'm going to cry when you die. But I enjoy all this time with you. The brain goes straight to, well, you're going to die. So let's not, let's deprive ourselves of enjoying the time with Tiffanie because I'm going to suffer. You are making me suffer regardless. The brain is so it's like, okay, thank you for popping up right now. I'm doing the podcast so I don't have time to fucking pay attention to what you want me to believe and then use that. Selecting the shit that you're gonna focus on, what are you gonna give your energy to? So when your son was trying a temper tantrum, you knew as a mom that this is a temper tantrum. There's nothing hurting like she wants the fucking ice cream at 10 o'clock in the morning. So you're like, I know it's a temper tantrum, I need to make fucking lunch. So you keep chopping the matches. Cause you need to fucking. Okay, say you chose to let him cry because if you pay attention then you're fucked. Because, he's going to throw a temper tantrum anytime that he wants anything. You are the parent, you know better. You can see the bigger picture. It's the same with the brain. The brain becomes a 2 year old throwing a temper tantrum 24 7. And it's like, okay, I hear you. Right now I'm doing the podcast right now. I'm working right now. I'm typing right now, I'm cooking whatever it might be. You come back to the present moment to what you are doing, and you leave that as the background moves. Otherwise your brain is going to drive you nuts because it's always going to find shit to be concerned about. So say, hey, thank you for popping up right now. I'm doing the podcast. Oh, the meeting that I have next week. You know what? You might fucking die tonight. You're not going to make it to the meeting. Don't worry about it. Well, if you put it that way, nobody has tomorrow guarantee, so don't fucking worry about the meeting. Right? The only thing you can do about the meeting next week is to do more research, be better prepared, whatever it might be. But you not sleeping about that meeting is not going to bring the meeting anytime sooner. So. Okay, thank you for coming up. Right now, I'm doing research for the meeting. Anxiety is about trying to control the future, but it's impossible because the future is not even here. So it's kind of like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn't take you anywhere, you know? Cause like, okay, well, if you take action, you are in the present moment. You cannot be in your head and doing research about the meeting. So the best antidote for. For anxiety is to take action, come back to the present moment. What is it that I can control right now? Because the meeting is on Friday next week. And if I don't sleep for one week because of the meeting, I'm not going to be performing well at the meeting. Today is whatever day today is. And I'm going to take care of today. I have student loans. I will have a student loan bill on my grade. It is what it is. Like, I cannot. That's what I needed to do in order to go to school and pursue my dream of being a therapist. I cannot allow that, to not enjoy my life and be there for my clients. Because I have a student that I had to pay. Okay? I fucking pay every month. But at the rate that I'm paying, I'm, gonna have a fucking student loan bill on my pay. I know, I'm stupid, right?


You make decisions with your brain when your son is throwing a temper tantrum

If I allow that to consume me, then I cannot be a good therapist for my client. I had to make a choice. Same way that you make a choice when your son is throwing a temper tantrum. And you know, it's a temporary temper tantrum. Like, okay, I'm not going to pay attention to that because then that's the only way you're going to communicate. That's. That's an executive decision you, you make as a parent. You had to make those kind of executive decisions with your brain because you are the CEO. You are in charge, not the brain. So you are running the meeting. So you tell the brain to shut up.

>> Tiffanie: You are the CEO of your own life. Hire fire accordingly.

>> Zulma Williams: Exactly.

>> Tiffanie: If somebody wanted to get a hold of you, what is the best way? Do you do virtual or also in person?

>> Zulma Williams: I do both. I do virtual and in person. My website is, dragonflytherapyservices.net and then they can find a lot of videos on my Instagram. The swearing Turkish. So I'm licensed in Nevada, so you do need to be in the state in order for me to provide services. But if any of your listeners need anything, please reach out and I will provide referrals accordingly if I can.

>> Tiffanie: Awesome. I will make sure that I add the links in the show notes as well.

>> Zulma Williams: Thank you.

>> Tiffanie: This has been, so much fun and I really enjoyed speaking with you and hearing what you have to say because it's also true.