My Escape from Mother God

What if the person you trusted as a spiritual guide turned out to be the reason you lost yourself? In this gripping episode, Andrew-Ryan Profaci shares his harrowing experience inside the 'Love Has Won' cult, where he lived as 'Father God' under the control of Amy Carlson, known as 'Mother God.' 

From overcoming addiction and surviving stage four cancer to being manipulated and ultimately realizing the harsh truth, Andrew's story is a powerful testament to the struggle of reclaiming one's identity and finding real faith. This isn't just about escaping a cult; it's about discovering your true self and overcoming manipulation. Don't miss Andrew's emotional and unfiltered tale of survival and self-discovery.

How to Connect:
https://thewaronlove.com/
https://www.cultinsider.com/

Transcript

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Breaking Free from Cult Control

[00:00:00] Tiffanie: What if the person you trusted as the spiritual guide turned out to be the reason you lost yourself? Today's guest has survived more than most will ever in his life, and inside the love has one cult as the so-called Father God, a fatal car crash, stage four cancer, addiction, and the kind of trauma that leaves scars on the soul.

[00:00:26] 

[00:00:35] Tiffanie: You've seen glimpses of a story on Dateline, HBO and Vice, but today he's telling the unfiltered truth. This isn't about escaping a cult, it's about reclaiming your identity, rebuilding your life, and finding real faith after it's been used against you. So please let us welcome Andrew Ryan Prophecy.

[00:00:56] Andrew-Ryan Profaci: Profaci

[00:00:57] Tiffanie: right?

[00:00:57] Andrew-Ryan Profaci: Profaci. Yes. Thank you for having me. I'm very excited to be here. , I'm looking forward to putting together a great show. Thank you Tiffanie, for giving me this platform to speak. And thank you to your audience for being here with us. , I hope to pour out my heart, my soul, my truth, and I hope you guys enjoy your time with us.

[00:01:19] Tiffanie: This is going to be very interesting, so I just have to know what were you searching for? Were you in a dark place or what led you [00:01:30] to the Love Has Won cult.

[00:01:31] Andrew-Ryan Profaci: Yeah., I was, don't know if you'd say I was in dark place. I was really coming from one, I had just beaten addiction. , I was in a, relatively good place in my life, but I was, I was seeking truth. I was, you know, into conspiracy theories. , Gotten into spirituality and I had some, , spiritual experiences, if you will, that, , completely crashed my worldview.

[00:01:58] Things that just, , seemed impossible. I couldn't believe they were happening to me. And it just left me looking for explanations. I found myself increasingly further away from the people in my life, family members and friends who didn't share the same interests. And I went looking for people who,, or an environment where I felt, , that I fit in better.

[00:02:23] And I found that in the chat room that I had come across, which was being run by Amy Carlson and, , the Love Has Won team at the time. And, that's, that's how I, , ended up finding them, you know. Nobody ever goes looking for a, a cult with the idea of like, Hey, yeah, we're a cult. We're gonna ruin your life.

[00:02:43] Please join us., It wasn't like that. It was, you know, it was love bombing. It was, , light and love. , But really what, what was on the inside was, control and manipulation wrapped in that light and love. And while I didn't go seeking that specifically, I thought I had found [00:03:00] people who, , shared my beliefs and who would understand me and the experiences I was having. And I found something unfortunately completely, completely different.

[00:03:15] Tiffanie: I think anyone can identify with some of what you said. We all wanna be accepted,

[00:03:20] Andrew-Ryan Profaci: Yeah. Yeah.

[00:03:20] Tiffanie: we wanna be part of a community. We want to be surrounded by people who think like us. So what exactly was it that drew you to them?

[00:03:33] Andrew-Ryan Profaci: Good question. And just, just to touch on what you said, you're right. And while my story is about cults, really the intention is to connect with everybody. 'cause everybody has found themselves in a place where maybe they felt like they were being pulled into, whether it be a job or a relationship. And, you know, you feel like you are, , maybe not being your completely authentic self just for the sake of fitting in. And that's more of a universal, , thing that I speak to in my book and hope to connect with the readers in that regard. And, , I just wanted to mention that.

[00:04:08] Yeah, so it was just a timing. , I had fallen across them or came across them in my searches every day online. I was in a place where I was, . Reading as much information as I could on spirituality, some conspiracy theories, but I had kind of started to move beyond that because they were so hollow.

[00:04:27] And what can you do, whether you know the truth of a [00:04:30] conspiracy theory or not, you can't prove it. There's nothing you could do. But spirituality spoke to me, becoming a better person. And that's something that I knew I needed. And when I came across these people, they really, , had answers for me and their chat room was, was great.

[00:04:46] It appealed to me because it was Amy or mother God as she called herself, , living in a house with five or six other men who were, , working with her, running their websites, sharing these articles and this message of spirituality helping the world to awaken. And through these. inexplicable spiritual experiences that I had that completely shattered my worldview. , I felt they had the answers for me and I felt drawn to joining them because it just felt like. That's where I was being led in the moment. I had been let go from my job. I had unemployment coming, so I had money coming in, and I had the freedom to go in any direction I wanted to, and I just felt pulled towards them.

[00:05:34] It just, I felt led there and it felt right, and I followed my instinct. I tried not to let the fear control me and, and drive me in a different direction. And I followed and I joined. And I, I tell everybody, it's funny, I, I took a, a plane from Tennessee to Denver, a five and a half hour taxi ride south into Creststone, Colorado.

[00:05:59] [00:06:00] And when I got there, I walked in the house at 5:00 AM and the first thought that hit my mind was, oh. No, I made a terrible, terrible mistake. , The house was dirty. It was a mess. The dishes were piled up in the sink. It looked like a bomb had gone off in the living room. Nobody had cleaned in weeks. And Amy was sitting there in a chair completely, , in another world.

[00:06:29] She was unable to speak. She had been tripping for 36 hours. She was heavily intoxicated, literally drooling from her mouth, unable to speak, completely incoherent. Archangel Michael, as they call him, , Michael that you seen in the documentaries was holding her up in her chair so she wouldn't fall out. And I remember looking at her. She couldn't even raise her eyes to look at me. She just kind of let out a muffled giggle. And then he took her to bed and she passed out for the night. I sat there that morning watching the sunrise, thinking, oh my God. What do I do? That was

[00:07:09] Tiffanie: Right. Oh my. So, I mean, you got to meet her day one because as I told you before we got on, I ended up watching the Dr. Phil show that had this, and some people said like they had to go through like a waiting period before they could meet her.

[00:07:25] Andrew-Ryan Profaci: Yeah, it had, it had turned into something that was completely [00:07:30] unrecognizable for me and for the people who were there when I was there. This is 20 14, 20 15. So, , you know, my book, the War on Love is called The Origin Story of Love has one in the Rise of Mother God, because it was towards the beginning before these rules, these militant rules came into place.

[00:07:49] And, you know, this separation between Amy and her followers and, , you know, I feel partly responsible 'cause I felt like they probably wanted to make sure another Andrew never happened again because I spent a lot of my time trying to dismantle the team while I was there. Something we'll get into. But no, when I, when I was there, I was instantly put next.

[00:08:11] The first day I was put right next to Mother God, she made a space for me next to her. , She wanted me. To be her right hand for all things. And, , it was within a day or two after joining. I thought I'd be. a marketing guy in the background. That's what I do, helping the websites to grow and take them to another level, which I did. But on my second or third day there, she took me into the bedroom and had a, a solemn conversation with me and told me that I was the next father, God, that I, it was my destiny to bring this consciousness into the planet in a way that has never been brought before and completely hit me like a, like a train wreck.

[00:08:56] I mean, it was, it was terrible. I, I was [00:09:00] freaking out scared. I had no, no idea what to do. So she brought me to her inner circle right away. And we actually, , we were an item. We were a couple, we were partners, extremely close. I mean, best friends, even for, , nine months to a year. , And we were very, very close.

[00:09:18] So no, we weren't, we weren't separated at all. , We had become. very best friends, , for, for a good year.

[00:09:28] Tiffanie: Now she's claimed to have like embodied Marilyn Monroe. She says that she remembers being crucified on the cross when she was Jesus, that Robin Williams has come to her after death.

[00:09:43] Andrew-Ryan Profaci: I was there the day he,

[00:09:45] Tiffanie: How,

[00:09:45] Andrew-Ryan Profaci: he showed up. Yep.

[00:09:48] Tiffanie: how, how do you accept that like.

[00:09:53] Andrew-Ryan Profaci: Great question. Um, you, you don't, and you know, that's, that's one of the things about the control mechanisms. They become baked into the environment you find yourself. Deeper than you ever meant to be. And, and it's almost too late before you realize it. And, , you're surrounded by six or seven people who follow this belief system and believe, and who wants to put the target on their back and be the one person constantly saying every day, I don't believe this.

[00:10:23] I don't believe you're mother God. And that happened often, but people would just pack their bags and leave. You know, they wouldn't [00:10:30] stay and fight every day like I did. They would just pack their bags and leave when they didn't believe anymore me, in my case, because I had this relationship with Amy, I had grown to love her and care about her.

[00:10:42] I really wanted to snap her out of it. So I didn't just pack up and leave. I began to fight and rail against these delusional belief systems from the inside every single day. And, you know, , for instance, like, , the day Robin Williams showed up for the first time, we were in the middle of a mushroom trip that we did every Friday night, like clockwork. And she stood around or sat around in the bed. The whole team's there sitting against the wall. One of them's taking notes. Amy's sitting on the bed next to me and she says, wait. There's somebody coming into the field, and by the field she means her energetic field. Like she could read, , these etheric beings who are, who are coming into the field, she can see them.

[00:11:28] These are one, this are one of her superpowers that she she can see these beings from an astral plane, you know, almost like she can see dead people. , And she says, she says there's somebody coming into the field. And the tens, it grew very tense, and the anticipation grew. I don't know who it is. And then after a couple minutes she goes. I know who it is. It's Robin Williams, he's my next spirit guide. Robin is here to help guide the team and awaken humanity. [00:12:00] And I remember me and a couple team members, nobody said anything out loud. We just kind of exchanged glances with each other, like, oh, here we go again. And you know, that was part of the control system, was that nobody wanted to say anything out loud, even though we all really knew that a lot of this was just, you know, way over the top.

[00:12:24] And people felt trapped. That was the problem. You know, they had left their lives behind and just leaving was hard for a lot of people because. One. , Amy had done what I call wallet washing to everybody, which is, , when you join the team, you give up your money, your assets, , your finances, you donate it all to the team, and then people are left with nothing to leave with. So then they become stuck in the team and they are not handing out money for people to leave. Now you're, now you're becoming what I call the shame casting. You know, you're evil. You are a possessed being who doesn't believe in God anymore, so they're not gonna help you leave. So most of the team members end up stuck. And, , that's another part of their control system. But yeah, it, it was definitely difficult to, to deal with that on a daily basis. And I had to really try to find a balance between, , serving Amy, who I loved the person, like a queen, like any human being deserves to be treated by their significant other, while at the same time absolutely eviscerating the [00:13:30] persona of mother God, which wasn't real every day.

[00:13:33] And, , I really found a balance, , between doing those two things every day. That was my challenge. And I, I learned a lot and grew a lot because of it.

[00:13:42] Tiffanie: So in a sense, you were trying to save her from her own insanity. So when she labels you, father God, how did that make you feel?

[00:13:54] Oh 

[00:13:54] Andrew-Ryan Profaci: my God. It was the most intense gut wrenching moment, , that I had there. There was no doubt about it. She pulled me aside into the bedroom and then, I had assumed this is a, a conversation she had a couple times, 'cause I was actually Father God number four or five. And uh, yeah. Yeah. And, and I knew that too.

[00:14:16] , I asked her questions and she starts telling me like, Andrew, you know, you have a, she starts out by saying, you know, you have a bigger role here than you think. You know, the reason I told you you had to come so fast, drop everything and leave. And is that, you know, humanity needs you. You know, she put that on me. You know, that's part of her, her control, you know, humanity needs me. Then she did what I, what I called name casting is saying, you're gonna be Father God. She would tell other members, you're whores, give them names. Like that would make them feel special and important, which would kind of solidify their connection to the belief system. So she name casted me to be Father God and. She told me that, , this was my [00:15:00] destiny. And I told her that, , this is not what I wanted. I didn't see this coming. And I feel like, Andrew, I don't feel like this Father God character. I don't know what that means. What happens to Andrew? Does he disappear?

[00:15:12] Do I die? Do do I get locked in my own body and some other consciousness takes over and I'm just, , sitting here back in my consciousness, not able to control anything. How does that work? And she says, no, you have, you have nothing to worry about. , You're going to integrate. It'll kind of be like, half and half, but you'll still be in control, but you'll be Father God.

[00:15:33] You know, she didn't really have a very good explanation, obviously, 'cause there is no explanation for this. Right. So, , know, she kind of just tried to put me at ease with it and I wasn't really okay. But at the same time, I felt that I was green, I was new, and , I had resolved a following her guidance when I first joined because I accepted that she was far more spiritually advanced than I was.

[00:15:58] And because of my spiritual experiences, I thought, you know, maybe there's more going on here than I know. I'm not gonna write anything off at the beginning. I wanna see what's possible. Who knows? But. maybe I've stumbled upon some rare hidden jewel or artifact that the world doesn't know about. Maybe, maybe I do really have a destiny to help, , bring a really good thing out into the world and to help the world.

[00:16:25] That was my intention. That is what I wanted to do. And, , it was to help humanity. And [00:16:30] I wasn't going to turn that down if it was possible for me to do it. So I accepted it. It's funny, she finished that conversation, calming me down, telling me it's gonna take time. Do your best.

[00:16:41] I will lead you. The more you get rid of your ego, the more you'll make space for Father God to come in. And, , she said, I'm gonna leave you here to think about it. , You know, just take your time. I'll be outside with the team. She gets to the door and she turns around. She says to me, oh, by the way, when you're ready to make love, let me know. And then closes the door behind her and walks out.

[00:17:08] Tiffanie: Well then maybe that's, uh, your ceremony.

[00:17:15] Andrew-Ryan Profaci: And I, at, at that point, I was absolutely floored. I was scared, I was terrified. That is not what I wanted. I had no interest in going down that road. And, , that was the moment when she told me, name casted me to become father God. And that's what it felt like at first. And I tried for weeks. I tried to do my best to, , dissolve my ego, to focus on my baggage to overcome it.

[00:17:42] She said I was doing a great job, but she had grown impatient over a couple weeks because I hadn't become father God fast enough. So here comes another mushroom trip. She's guided by her guides to have another mushroom trip and quote, grease the skids and that they [00:18:00] gave me. Far more mushrooms than anybody has any right to take.

[00:18:04] And she thought by doing this, it was going to put me in a position where it would be much easier for this consciousness to download into my body. Made a huge big deal about it, announced it to the world. This was the moment Father God's coming into the world. And , the whole team sitting around in the bedroom once again and they gave me all these mushrooms.

[00:18:26] I'm out of it in another world for about a half hour, 45 minutes. And I come to laying on the bed and I'm looking up and she's hovering over me in anticipation, looking at me to see what's coming. And I remember waking up and looking at her and I just started laughing and nobody knew why. And they're looking around at each other and I'm giggling and laughing and I'm thinking to myself, I still, Andrew, and. And I, I didn't know how to break it to anybody, so I kind of just played it off and looked at her and said, wow, you're really powerful. And , I thought to myself in that moment, okay, this is all a bunch of BS and now we have to figure out how we're going to handle the fact that she is not mother God. All of these titles, this is all bs. We should be focusing on spreading love, helping humanity. Yes, that's great [00:19:30] awakening. Great, perfect, positive, spread the message. But it had slowly devolved into becoming about serving and following Amy. And that was the problem. And that's when things turned dark. But that was the moment when I realized, , you know, I was surrounded by delusion.

[00:19:49] Tiffanie: Well, yeah, I saw some of the other labels she gave out. Either what, you were a whore or you were an Adams, or like.

[00:19:58] Andrew-Ryan Profaci: she would talk about the atoms and, and meaning like molecules, the atoms. That's what she would talk about. You know, she, the atoms and the molecule. She thought she controlled all of the atoms of the world, all, all of the molecules. And, and she was looking at, at that level. So when you hear her talking about the atoms, she, A-T-O-M-S, not A-D-A-M-S, but the but the actual molecules that she thought she commanded at her whale.

[00:20:27] Tiffanie: Very interesting. It seemed like she had a lot of , tactics up her sleeve, like sleep deprivation.

[00:20:33] Andrew-Ryan Profaci: she did.

[00:20:34] Tiffanie: would feed you guys drugs. She would seem like she was always drunk or high or something.

[00:20:40] Andrew-Ryan Profaci: she was from, from morning to

[00:20:42] Tiffanie: yeah.

[00:20:43] Andrew-Ryan Profaci: I mean, I've even come up with my own list of names of her tactics because I had never seen them named before, so I even came up with my own list of her tactics that she would use against people because her control tactics were extremely refined. She was an intelligent person and she was [00:21:00] very refined and very well practiced at these control tactics.

[00:21:06] Tiffanie: Most of these cult leaders are, you know, it does take a special person to be able to have all these people believe you wanna follow you and literally go to the end of the earth with you, even though that might be where you're fucking going, like.

[00:21:21] Andrew-Ryan Profaci: that. And she, and, and clearly by the end, you know, she, she got there. , She got there. , She had, , a couple forks in the road. And, you know, at the end of the day, that's what I was for her, I was a fork in the road and I offered her a new choice in a new direction. And eventually I had to accept that she didn't want to change. And,, we can get into that in a little bit if you like, but yeah, , that's what I ended up offering her was a choice to take that other, that other direction. And in the end, she chose the control over truth. She chose the power over love and light. She, she made a conscious decision to turn dark side.

[00:22:06] And, , at that point I knew that things were going to end up very, very badly. I couldn't imagine. That she would end up a mummified corpse wrapped in Christmas lights. , You know, nobody I think has a creative enough mind to imagine such a thing, but, , I knew it was gonna end badly. I just had no idea it was going to end so badly. I,

[00:22:29] Tiffanie: I [00:22:30] think when somebody like that, clearly there's like narcissistic behavior in there.

[00:22:35] Andrew-Ryan Profaci: yeah.

[00:22:35] Tiffanie: see how much power you have, it's hard to give that up when you are that type of person. So I can see why like you're trying to level head with her and she's probably even believing her own shit at this point.

[00:22:51] So it's just crazy. Absolutely crazy.

[00:22:56] Andrew-Ryan Profaci: she.

[00:22:56] Tiffanie: did you like try to convince her? You talking about control tactics and everything.

[00:23:01] Andrew-Ryan Profaci: Yeah, yeah, sure. So,

[00:23:03] Yeah.

[00:23:03] I became an opportunist when, when she offered opportunities to show her to herself, you know, she claimed that she had no ego. She claimed that she was perfect and that this was how she was able to be God, right? Because God was, God is perfect, , but she is a human being.

[00:23:21] So anytime that she would really show this imperfection, I would take these opportunities to show her to herself, ask for an explanation, and just, you know, chip away constantly, every day, every time I had an opportunity, chip away. Let's start with the drinking every night after dinner, which eventually became, an all day thing.

[00:23:42] But started with after dinner, she would start drinking. She would drink, anywhere from seven to 10 high ball glasses filled with vodka, spritzed with water, and she'd be telling stories all night long. The whole team would sit around the table saying nothing. And she would just talk without taking a breath, telling [00:24:00] stories about her life.

[00:24:01] And she would do what I call past polishing. Whereas, , she would, , reinvent all of her, all of her past, , experiences and weave in the threads of being mother God and how all of her past experiences meant she was supposed to be mother God, like working at McDonald's, this dark, , bad corporation, and how she was spreading love and light into the hamburgers, you know?

[00:24:25] , She would, she would tell stories, yeah, past polishing her whole life, top to bottom all night. And I would stop her and say, Hey, look, you're crying or you're upset. Look how angry you are in this moment. You clearly have. , Some unresolved issues and emotions here. You know, you say your ego is, and , you're perfect.

[00:24:45] But that wouldn't be possible, , if you're sitting here crying to us right now, and I would show her to herself and you know, what I would get is, oh, Andrew, you're in your ego. Forget it. You're, you're just an ego. , Shut up and sit down. And that would, that would be all she had. Or she would laugh at you.

[00:25:04] She had this cackle that she wielded like a sword, and she would just laugh and laugh and laugh and look at the other team members to kind of coax them along to laugh with her. And they would just laugh at you until you just shut up and sit down because you didn't want to be laughed at any longer. And that was kind of. Her defense mechanism, or at least, you know, one of them. , , and she had another called Ether [00:25:30] Dumping, which is, you know, , my favorite name, , of them. , She would blame some of her outbursts on her spirit guides and say, oh, there was Robin Williams talking, not me. When she would, you know, just become nasty and irrational, she would blame it on one of her spirit guides to totally, , reduce accountability and responsibility for her own actions.

[00:25:49] I mean, it was, it was a masterclass in, in crazy and in manipulation and control.

[00:25:58] Tiffanie: She lost her calling as like an actor or something.

[00:26:02] Andrew-Ryan Profaci: She would've been, she would've been a much better actress than she was a mother. God, there's no doubt about that.

[00:26:10] Tiffanie: I mean, you couldn't have been the only one who saw this.

[00:26:14] Andrew-Ryan Profaci: No, no, I don't think everybody had the guts to stand up and, and jump in that fire every day because it really was like jumping in the fire and being burned alive every day. And, , in my case, it, it took some guts and it just got to a point where I wasn't gonna take it anymore. And I was so, committed to helping snap her out of it that I didn't care anymore because I had grown to care about her so much.

[00:26:43] And,, I had gotten her to admit she wasn't mother God, on several occasions I had gotten her to, begin to, see the cracks forming. , She actually, after I left the cult, she followed me three weeks later and left the cult behind and came and joined me across the [00:27:00] country.

[00:27:00] Many people don't know this, but yeah, she left the cult behind it one time and was done. And, ,, , she wasn't for two months that she had joined me in Florida after she left the team behind in California, that I realized she was just telling me what I wanted to hear when I told her she couldn't come unless she left it all behind. She was just used to having me around. I served her like a queen and nobody else was, supporting her to such an extent and so vigorously staying up with her till six, seven o'clock in the morning while she drank herself into oblivion every night. And I think that she wanted that, I think she realized that somebody actually truly cared about Amy, not just mother God. And, . I couldn't stay forever. I wanted to take my life in a new direction. But, , there were times where it came close to her, breaking her through, and it was Michael, who you saw on the documentary who, would constantly reel her back in, into this mother God delusion, just like when I walked in the house and he was holding her up in the chair so mother God wouldn't fall out. That was a really, , interesting, , visual because he over time would become the man who was holding mother God in her seat, keeping her from falling out, keeping her from snapping out of the delusion. It was Michael who constantly reeled her back in. And it's funny enough that it was Michael who ended up leaving with all of the money, all of the bank accounts.[00:28:30] 

[00:28:30] Tiffanie: Oh, that sounds about right. I was just, as you were saying all this, I was like, I bet Michael ended up getting something pretty good out of it because she's no longer with us, or is she?

[00:28:45] Andrew-Ryan Profaci: She might be here. . You know, Michael, we always saw it coming. His name was on anything that was legal facing, whether it was the website names, the bank accounts, the credit cards, you know, the rent, , agreements. It was always in Michael's name. He was the legal facing member of the team and who mother God trusted the most besides me.

[00:29:05] He had been with her the longest, even more than me. And, , we all knew, , that it would, one day Michael would walk away with all of the money. We just didn't know that it would become Amy passing away and then him doing that. We figured he'd just leave earlier. But when she withered away slowly over the course of a couple years and died, and Michael, of all people who had been with her for over a decade, didn't get her medical attention that told us everything we need to know if anybody should be in prison.

[00:29:36] It is him.

[00:29:39] Tiffanie: Right, right. So was she really paralyzed?

[00:29:43] Andrew-Ryan Profaci: , From what I hear, yes. , I wasn't there at the end, but from what I hear, that wasn't, that wasn't fake. You know, the whole stage five cancer thing was, , she never had cancer. There is no stage five cancer. But, , I don't think she knew that, obviously. But, , she always has to one up everything.

[00:29:59] [00:30:00] But yeah. , The parallelization and the loss of being able to move was, was real. You could even see her legs, how skinny they got. There was almost no muscle left. I.

[00:30:11] Tiffanie: Were you ever present when she did these brain surgeries?

[00:30:15] Andrew-Ryan Profaci: Oh, sure. Many of them. Yeah. Yeah. , She sometimes, even when I first got there, she would, she would do these spiritual healings and make me go forehead to forehead with her as if she was our, our energies together were giving her the power to do these spiritual healings for people. And, , those were in my early days, the first few weeks or months that I had joined.

[00:30:37] , Eventually , she just did them on her own, , after I had started to, , wake up and, you know, rail against the whole mother got delusion. But, , yeah, I was there for many of them. She would just tell people, , that she was giving them brain surgery, that she was removing, , microchips from their brains on the etheric level.

[00:31:00] And people would. , Get better about something. Maybe somebody had an issue and suddenly it got better and,, they would always come back to Mother God and write her a letter saying, oh, it was because of your surgery that I got better. And, you know, this would feed her ego and convince her that her brain surgeries were actually working.

[00:31:18] At one point she was even convinced that she cured somebody of cancer, , and that's why she was telling people to drink colloidal silver. It'll cure you of cancer. Meanwhile, it had turned her absolutely blue and [00:31:30] is one of the reasons that she died was because of how much of this colloidal silver she was ingesting. . I guess after I left, there were no more Andrews or nobody left who really cared about her enough to stand up and say, look, something isn't right here. She just, , went down that road at a, super fast pace. And we all know how it ended unfortunately.

[00:31:54] Tiffanie: So I do not know how it all ended. , I didn't get to that part, but. So part of her death was drinking the silver stuff.

[00:32:04] Andrew-Ryan Profaci: yeah, yeah. She drank colloidal silver every day, thinking that was some magic cure to everything that ailed her. It was turning her skin blue. It was poisoning her because she was drinking so much of it. She had, . The coroner reported liver failure and total organ failure, actually starting with the liver because of her alcoholism, she drank more than I've ever seen every single night. , I became a babysitter for her every night that she started drinking. I'd hand her first drink and say goodbye, love, I'll see you tomorrow. 'cause she would turn into another person altogether. And between the drinking and the colloidal silver and just being in ill health, , those things altogether led to her, you know, her body just giving out on her.

[00:32:54] And she never did get any medical attention. And you know what's interesting enough is two of the [00:33:00] girls, Aurora in Hope, bragged

[00:33:02] Tiffanie: Hmm.

[00:33:03] Andrew-Ryan Profaci: on a YouTube video. That in the end Amy had gotten to a point where she said to them, you know. What if I'm crazy? What if I just made all this up and I'm not really mother God and none of this is real and I'm, I just made it all up. , And they, they told her, no, no, you are mother God, don't believe that. That's crazy. You can't let those thoughts get into your mind. And Amy said to them, well. Tell you the truth, I'd really like to go see a doctor and see if I can't get some help. And they told her, no, no, you can't go see a doctor because just like you taught us those doctors, the cabal will make sure that they kill you when you're in the hospital.

[00:33:45] So we can't risk it. We we're not going to take you to a doctor. So they denied her medical care when she asked for it. And because of that, her own teachings came back to bite her in the end and she ended up passing away. And , that happened. I believe in California, if I'm. Not mistaking and they transported her body across several states in a sleeping bag, even got pulled over and told the police, it was just somebody sleeping in the back and, , set her up.

[00:34:16] Yeah. Crazy. Set her up as a shrine in the bedroom. Decorated with Christmas lights and incense. Had children living in the home and this bedroom was set up like a shrine. Absolutely incredible. [00:34:30] Mind blowing. , I couldn't believe how sick it had become, but that is essentially how she passed. And the Michael of all people, he's very smart, saw all of this coming. So he got out in front of it and went to the sheriff's office and reported it to the sheriff and said, I think there's a body in this house. I think, you know, you should go take a look. So he got out in front of it, the sheriff's office raided the house, found the body, arrested. The seven members there who later had all charges dropped for what reason?

[00:35:07] I don't know. , They were all arrested for, , abuse of a corpse and neglecting a child or child neglect. And, , they all had the charges dropped. And Michael Madoff with, as far as I know, at least three, $400,000 in money. And we'll probably never see Michael again if I know him. He's in Costa Rica or Mexico somewhere.

[00:35:30] Hiding, living in, living the life with the cash he has.

[00:35:35] Tiffanie: That's insane. So Hope and Aurora are the ones that took her body and then made her a Christmas Tree. Them two were so brainwashed, like watching them hurt. Like my heart because like they're like, she has saved my life. She's made me into this [00:36:00] wonderful person. Like, honey, you need to wake up. It's absolutely insane, and I'm kind of surprised that nobody said, well, when she passed, now I am the new mother, God.

[00:36:14] You know, like, because that kind of shit happens too

[00:36:18] Andrew-Ryan Profaci: It

[00:36:18] Tiffanie: to where, okay, well we need a new one.

[00:36:20] Andrew-Ryan Profaci: You know, it, it's funny, I get these emails from an ex-member who had lost her mind, who emails everybody that she has an email for, , from the team. And she claims she was the real mother. God, the whole time she used to fight with Amy. I'm mother, God not you. And once in a while, every couple weeks I receive this email about this girl and she's always fighting, claiming she is the real mother.

[00:36:44] God. So on that note, there actually is at least one person claiming to be the real mother God. But in Aurora, in hope's case, , is really a shame. You know, both girls, , are very pretty, but at the same time, just as pretty as they are, , what I get from them is they, their souls have turned as. Ugly and dark as sackcloth. I mean, I am shocked at the words that I hear come from their mouths. The fact that they got on a live stream and bragged about denying Amy Carlson medical care when she asked for it and it was clear that she needed it. And these girls actually got on their live stream and bragged about it and bragged about [00:37:30] her, , about stopping her from believing that maybe she wasn't mother God in the first place and getting, , maybe helping her to get some help and hopefully avoiding everything that happened. , I don't know what's up with those two girls. I don't know them personally very well. I have had one run in with them one time, , which was nothing, nothing really to write home about, but, . They seem to still be believing, they still seem to be, carrying the torch for Amy forward. They took all her notebooks that Amy would keep and they, you know, made a book out of them, , trying to cash in on all of the notes that Amy took.

[00:38:07] I don't know how well it did or whatnot, and they're still selling stuff on their website, but those two girls are unfortunately as lost as anybody could be. You would think after

[00:38:18] this they would,

[00:38:19] wake up, but apparently not.

[00:38:22] Tiffanie: they seem very, very lost. And you would think that since now they have video proof of them saying they're refusing to get her help, that that would hold up in court,

[00:38:33] Andrew-Ryan Profaci: You, you,

[00:38:34] Tiffanie: I mean.

[00:38:34] Andrew-Ryan Profaci: You would think I'm generally close with Amy's family mind-boggling to all of us. We don't understand with the charges that were dropped for all seven members of the team. Don't understand what happened there, why the FBI or a federal agency didn't get involved, especially considering the corpse was taken across state lines, which immediately becomes a federal issue. , We don't [00:39:00] understand why this was allowed to happen and nobody was,, held to account, especially when we have proof of them in their own words, denying her medical care when she asked for it clearly in a place where she wasn't able to get it for herself because she couldn't walk. , And these people denied her medical care.

[00:39:21] How, how that didn't get prosecuted is beyond us. , I hope one day that, , maybe they will be, at the very least I believe in karma and , I wouldn't wish that level of karma on anybody, but they will get what they deserve. I believe that fully in my.

[00:39:40] Tiffanie: I was gonna say that a little earlier and be like, Karma's a bitch.

[00:39:44] Andrew-Ryan Profaci: It's, it's when she comes for you, she comes hard. So, , I wouldn't wanna be in their place when she does come. So, you know, I, I, I wish them the best. You know, I don't, I don't wish bad things for anybody in this world, but at the same time, , whatever it takes, sometimes it takes something like that to snap people out of, , a dark place that they're in.

[00:40:04] And they surely are in a very, very dark place.

[00:40:09] Tiffanie: So when you left, you had a little bit of time to do your, do whatever it is that you were searching for, probably trying to get your life back together. And then she, she said she thought she'd come and join you. How long did that last?

[00:40:24] Andrew-Ryan Profaci: A couple of months. A couple of months she had, it is crazy. What happened [00:40:30] was, , she had a member join after we had a quantum hoax happen, where a team member pretended to be these fake. , Intelligent beings from another universe that came into our chat. Huge, elaborate deception. I wrote about in my book, the War on Love, where, , he essentially used all these computer programs to pretend to be these beings who took control over the team.

[00:40:54] . To elevate this one team member's status. Nobody was the wiser, elevated his status in the group into mine and Amy's relationship to get Amy alone in these healing sessions where he took advantage of her while she was drunk, and, , had sexual relations with her by convincing her that he was Father God in those moments at least.

[00:41:15] , After that happened, I began railing against the team so hard because I uncovered the hoax. I had all the proof Amy's guides who said these beings were real, obviously were wrong 'cause it was just somebody in the corner of our house. And I was given an ultimatum to keep my mouth shut or leave the team that I couldn't tell the truth.

[00:41:36] And that was the moment where I realized they were choosing darkness, deceit, and lies, betrayal over this message of love, light, growth, truth, awakening. And that was a moment where I really. Became a thorn in their side. And obviously I couldn't be Father God anymore. I, I, I was no longer eligible to be [00:42:00] father God at that point.

[00:42:01] So they found this other member came in. His name was Bill. He was about 55 years old. He joined the team after being with us in the chat room for a little while, and he came into the team. Amy told him he was gonna be father God. And, , she comes up to me one day and says, Andrew I've got great news. Him and her and Bill are both beaming.

[00:42:22] She says, you and I and Bill, we're gonna take a car trip. We're gonna go to Oregon or to Washington State, to Everett, to Bill's house. He's gonna sell his house and liquidate his 401k and donate all of the money. To love and I thought, oh my God, he no way. At 55 years old. No, no, no. So I took every opportunity I had to pull this man aside and tell him everything I knew to stop him from doing this, but it was like talking to that happiest brick wall in all of creation and I couldn't do anything to stop it.

[00:42:59] So he ended up, long story short, ended up liquidating his 401k, selling his house. Calling the bank, having them come up with. A hundred dollars bills in a black duffel bag. I mean, talk about red flags, and went and picked it up, 400 and some odd thousand dollars and a hundred dollars bills and literally just handed his life's wealth over to Amy and said, mother, I give this to you. , She told him this was how he dissolved his ego [00:43:30] enough to become Father God. , You know, I call, I call this, , wallet washing. As I mentioned before, she totally washed his wallet out , this was how he and also was named casted as Father God and. had nothing left. She took this money about three weeks after.

[00:43:49] , When he became father God, she felt she was mother God. She was all over him. They disappeared one night and I'm in a relationship with, they disappeared one night, got a hotel room, came back the next day, I'm sitting some nights while she's drunk, watching her snuggling up into his lap. Meanwhile, we're still together and that was the last straw that broke the camel's back. I decided to leave. So I left, , in love. Nicely hugged everybody. Goodbye. Couple weeks later, I get the message from Amy, I'm coming to join you. , I feel, , pulled in that direction. Going to leave this all behind.

[00:44:22] Well, she took all of Bill's money with her. She showed up with a purse full of, I met them halfway. Her purse had a t-shirt over it. Underneath. It was a hundred dollars bills. I mean, bursting with a hundred. She probably had 50 or $60,000 in cash in this purse. And when she got to Florida with me, she asked me for my bank account credentials so Michael could wire money.

[00:44:49] He wired money to my bank account. I didn't want her to come. Long story short, I didn't want her, I didn't wanna go backwards, but she convinced me I was rebuilding my life and she really [00:45:00] made it hard to say no. Nevertheless, she came and joined me with. All of Bill's money, I couldn't believe. And, , that lasted about two months. She pretended like she was leaving it behind. We were gonna start building a real life together. I thought she'd reconnect with her family, with her children. You know, I had really high hopes for finally I had snapped her out of this, you know, finally I was getting her to move beyond this mother God persona. And I realized she was giving me lip service the whole time, , because she let it slip that she had been still talking to Michael. And, , I saw that she had had a conversation with him. And nevertheless, I decided to break things off with her. It lasted about two months. So our time together, , if you add it all together, was about a year in total. And, . She left that gentleman behind and it was so sad because he had nothing left to go back to. And I found out that, , just a couple years later, he was in great shape as best shape you'd ever see. A 55-year-old man died suddenly in his sleep, unexpectedly completely healthy. Nobody saw coming. It's like he just gave up on life and passed away. ,

[00:46:09] Tiffanie: Oh, that's so sad.

[00:46:11] Andrew-Ryan Profaci: really sad story. Yeah. She completely, , ruined his life. That's another story that I get into more deep in the book, the War on Love. , I did everything I could to try to help him in that situation. And yeah, she took all his money and showed up in, in Florida and was ready to like, live it up with this other guy's [00:46:30] money.

[00:46:30] It was so strange. It was a strange place for me to be in. And, , I didn't know what to do. It was great on one hand and really sad, and , the whole experience itself was, was. just something else entirely. I.

[00:46:43] Tiffanie: A mind fuck.

[00:46:44] Andrew-Ryan Profaci: Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's the best way to put it. No doubt. doubt. It was a complete mindfuck. Any way you, you look at it. Yeah. I wouldn't change it for the world because I had grown so much and there was so much to learn from., It wasn't until I wrote my book that I really processed everything, even 10 years later, there was so much left for me to process.

[00:47:06] It was so hard to write that book because I realized how many emotions that I hadn't dealt with. , I began writing it while I was taking chemo and fighting cancer in the hospital. And , that's when I realized how much. From this situation 10 years later, I still had left to, to overcome, and that's probably why you find so many, so few cult survivors willing to speak up and tell their truth, share their story out of embarrassment, out of the, the intensity of emotion that they feel, and maybe in an inability to, , get past what they've experienced because it really is a mind fuck

[00:47:44] Tiffanie: For sure. I mean, yeah. Well, yeah. It's hard to say, yeah, I believe that this person was gonna do this, this, this, and this and that. I was gonna be able to do crazy shit. And I mean, some people are very convincing, I guess. [00:48:00] I don't know. But I mean, I'm glad that you're in a better space and. Honestly, you shouldn't be that hard on yourself because in a sense, you knew the whole time she was just, she was crazy.

[00:48:14] So it wasn't like you really, you weren't in hook, line and sinker. It just, you cared about that person that you thought that she could be.

[00:48:25] Andrew-Ryan Profaci: Yeah.

[00:48:25] Tiffanie: And so you need to recognize that.

[00:48:29] Andrew-Ryan Profaci: Well I appreciate that. , If you see the cover of my book, it's actually the cover of my book is a portrait of Amy. Split in two and half is, , her face beautiful. the other half, there's a split down the middle, and the other half is the mother God. So half the face is Amy, the other half is mother God, which looks, you know, spiritual, but wrinkled and fading, you know, and decaying. And,, that's the, , dichotomy. That's the, the know what the, the image is portraying is the difference between, you know. The potential of who Amy was versus who Mother God was. And my intention for the book, if I may, is really, , while it is not just, you know, a story, , about cult, it's bigger than that.

[00:49:10] It's about being manipulated. It's a story about, , losing yourself. And this is something that I think everybody can, really align with in a sense, whether it be in a relationship, a job, or some kind of an environment where you felt you weren't being your complete authentic self. And I really wrote the book in a way, [00:49:30] in, in with the intentions that other people would be able to see that, you know, if I can find my truth, my authenticity, my power to overcome these challenges that, you know, they can do the same in these own situations for themself.

[00:49:47] Tiffanie: Oh, I love that. I love that so much because we're human,

[00:49:51] Andrew-Ryan Profaci: Sure.

[00:49:52] Tiffanie: most of us, you know, so,

[00:49:57] so you're gonna find yourself in these times where you aren't yourself, or you feel like you have to portray to be somebody else to fit in, or to be safe, or, you know, there's so many different. Circumstances people find themselves in. So I think it doesn't matter if you were in a cult or not, it would resonate with everybody because we've all been through some shit.

[00:50:21] It's just different levels.

[00:50:23] Andrew-Ryan Profaci: Yeah, no, no doubt. No doubt. The book is essentially a chronological record of my experience and I tried to tell it complete fact-based, through my eyes and what I experienced. But yeah, I hope people can see themselves in it, , in a way that, you know, empowers them, inspires them to find their authenticity, which is a favorite word of mind, their power, their truth. And to begin living that and to to be the best version of themselves possible.

[00:50:53] Tiffanie: Absolutely. That's what I strive for almost on every podcast episode that I do, because [00:51:00] I mean, we are always on a journey like you're never complete. Tomorrow you're gonna try to be one step better than you were today and so on and so on. We all, we all gotta own our shit

[00:51:12] Andrew-Ryan Profaci: Yeah,

[00:51:12] Tiffanie: and work through it.

[00:51:13] Andrew-Ryan Profaci: that's, that's where it starts. Yeah, that's where it starts, is owning it for sure. You know, my fire and rise method that I use for my own self and ,, getting through my own challenges, you know, that's where it starts, is, , recognizing, , your own, your own shit and owning it, you know, that's where it begins again, authenticity is the key.

[00:51:33] Tiffanie: Absolutely. I'm proud of you. I think you are doing amazing things. You're trying to help other people. Like what would you say to somebody who is searching for something that's bigger than themselves? What kind of warning could you give people now that you know what kind of dark side they can fall into?

[00:51:53] Andrew-Ryan Profaci: Yeah. Well, when it comes to a warning, I would say first off, there is no bad. And this is something I learned through cancer and there's no mistakes. Even cancer, I can't define it as bad because if I define cancer as bad, then that means that there's nothing good for me to take from it. It was just an experience.

[00:52:14] And, , first of all, don't paint yourself into that corner. that would be my first warning. Don't look at your experiences as just bad or just mistakes. Look at them as opportunities to learn and to grow. , First of all, , another [00:52:30] warning would be, . Always look for meaning, to look for purpose.

[00:52:34] Don't doubt yourself and trust your intuition. Listen to your gut, your intuition. I don't know, I can't explain it, but it works on another level that we don't exist on it. It worked. Your intuition knows things and it will lead you in the right way. Pay it. Attention. , I would say listen to your gut for sure, and, , be real.

[00:52:58] Be authentic. , Learn to have dispassionate conversations with yourself. You know, I once heard, I don't know the exact quote, but they said, , an intelligent mind can consider an idea. Even if you don't agree with it, it can still consider the idea. , And that becomes really important, is to dispassionately, be able to look at something and really consider all angles and all sides. , And take it in. You know, we've all been in situations where we've , felt like maybe not a cult where we felt trapped or stuck. And, , the way out is by being, again, authentic with ourselves and by looking at it, by taking it in and, , really just, , understanding who we want to be and figuring out what steps we need to take to move in the that direction to be that person. And don't look at the whole scenario at once. 'cause that can be overwhelming. Just focus on taking one good [00:54:00] step in that direction every day and eventually it will add up.

[00:54:06] Tiffanie: Right. And don't be willing to like give a hundred percent of yourself to someone else.

[00:54:13] Andrew-Ryan Profaci: Yeah. Well that's an important point too. Yes.

[00:54:18] Tiffanie: Yes. Like look inside first, and then you can work with people, but don't work for them and become just a pawn in their game.

[00:54:28] Andrew-Ryan Profaci: an important distinction. Yeah.

[00:54:30] Tiffanie: Yeah, it's hard to read people when you're searching so hard, even to find who you are. So I think people really need to pause and like you said, your gut, like you knew you were there five minutes and you're like, what the hell did I do?

[00:54:46] Andrew-Ryan Profaci: Yeah, you're a hundred percent right. Yes. Yeah. I knew right away. maybe that's part of the reason why I didn't really lose myself completely. , It's funny, when I was going to step on the plane, , to go from Tennessee to Denver, literally as my foot hovered over the tarmac to step onto the plane, the first step a thought popped in my head that said, you're being sent to a really dark place to turn on the light. it was strange. And that, that's your intuition right there, you know, trying to, , prepare you. , And I totally forgot about that. I pushed it outta my mind 'cause that was the last thing I wanted to hear while I was leaving my life behind to go join this team. But. You know, fast forward several months, turn around [00:55:30] and look at that moment, and it became really like a, a watershed intuitive moment that, , prepared me for what I was about to find myself in.

[00:55:39] Tiffanie: That literally just gave me goosebumps. When you were saying that you're going to a dark place to find light, like all of a sudden I just felt my whole body go into goosebumps.

[00:55:50] Andrew-Ryan Profaci: There you go. I mean,

[00:55:51] Tiffanie: You gotta trust it. Yeah.

[00:55:54] Andrew-Ryan Profaci: our bodies are our intuitions. There's, there's definitely a magical, , edge purpose or, or theme undercurrent to this life that, that we don't get taught about in school that maybe a lot of people don't, , realize in their lives. But , there definitely is something else there.

[00:56:11] And, that's what I was seeking to find and to understand. , I can't claim that I completely understand it. I do know that there's, there's more to this life , than we realize. And, I thought I would find that with the team to an extent I did. Just not in the ways that they intended to teach me. , But I'm grateful for it nonetheless. It, it was an extreme learning experience. And I would also say to people, , don't be afraid to take risks. You know, be smart about it. Be conscious about what you're doing. Weigh out all the potentials. But, , you know, don't be afraid to take some small risks with your life and, , jump once in a while because , at worst you lose and you learn, and at best you win and you're happy.

[00:56:54] Tiffanie: Right. I mean, by not even trying, you're already losing. So

[00:56:58] Andrew-Ryan Profaci: no doubt,

[00:56:59] Tiffanie: let me think of it that [00:57:00] way. So, I mean,

[00:57:01] Andrew-Ryan Profaci: worst case scenario. No doubt about it. You know, in the end,

[00:57:05] Tiffanie: right.

[00:57:05] Andrew-Ryan Profaci: I ask myself is, did I choose to help? Did I, did I intend to serve others? Did I intend to make the world better? Those are the questions I ask myself. And if the answer to those is yes, then you know, I sleep well at night.

[00:57:18] And that's what matters to me Now.

[00:57:22] Tiffanie: I think this can reach a lot of people who can understand, and there's so many cults out there. I mean so many, and a lot of people do leave and they're looking for answers on how the hell did I get here? And so I think that, this can touch so many people. Your book is out and published now, right?

[00:57:40] Andrew-Ryan Profaci: is, it is. And that's my hope. My hope is that by speaking out that I, I can help inspire and show other people that they don't have to be afraid to speak out and to, let their voice be heard about their experience. My book is called The War on Love. It's the Origin story of Love has won in the Rise of Mother God, you'll find it on the war on love.com.

[00:58:03] That is my website. And, , we're also on Amazon and I also started a website called cult insider.com, where I post, , cult related articles every day. And, , just trying to stay current with events. And I hope that one day we'll be able to grow enough to create resources for cult survivors.

[00:58:24] Whether it be, you know, people , with, , saving dogs and cats and animals, they, they can set up like [00:58:30] shuttles to pick them up one place and they, you know, it's almost like Underground Railroad. I wanna send set one of those up for cult survivors, for people that feel stuck, , and hopefully get them out.

[00:58:39] You know, I have great intentions of being able to help cult survivors one day through that website. , You gotta start somewhere. And like I said, one step at a time. That's what we're doing here with the War on Love. I would love it if your, if your readers think it's, , worth it, please give it a read.

[00:58:54] , You'll find it on Amazon or my website, the war on love.com. , Give it a review on Amazon if you like it, and, , support us and thank you. Thank you for having me.

[00:59:03] Tiffanie: Of course I'm gonna have all the links in the show notes, so it's easy to find. You have no excuse. People. So

[00:59:10] Andrew-Ryan Profaci: I, I, I, I, I, I, no excuse to know,

[00:59:14] Tiffanie: was there anything that you wanted to cover that we did not? Anything you wanted to add?

[00:59:19] Andrew-Ryan Profaci: I think we, we really covered a lot of it. I do. What I do want people to take away is that, we all. want something to believe in. You know, and sometimes we can give that power away, , and it can destroy us, , whether it's a relationship, a belief system, or a cult. And it is our responsibility, as you said, to own our life. , And you don't have to be perfect to be free. , You just have to take that first step in. Honestly, honesty and authenticity, that's where it matters. Start with authenticity and keep it real, and the rest will fall in line. I promise. That's what I've learned.

[00:59:58] That's my truth, and [01:00:00] I leave it there.

[01:00:02] Tiffanie: I love it. Love it, love it.

[01:00:04] Andrew-Ryan Profaci: Thank you

[01:00:05] Tiffanie: All right. I wanna thank you.

[01:00:06] Andrew-Ryan Profaci: This has been

[01:00:07] Tiffanie: I wanna thank you.

[01:00:09] Andrew-Ryan Profaci: talking to you.

[01:00:11] Tiffanie: Well, good. I enjoy talking to you too.

[01:00:13] Speaker: If this story moved, you share with someone who needs to hear it. Don't forget to follow, rate and review. It helps more survivors find our community. Do you wanna be part of the conversation and share your story? Visit true crime connections.com. Until next time, be safe, be seen, and never forget. Your story has power.