The Letters

Holiday Grief

Stephanie

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If you too are feeling the heaviness of grief this year, take a moment and rest.

Grief came again this year

Blowing in on the winter wind and 

lingering in the shadows of the dark cold days


Hidden inside the creased corners of wrapping paper and 

Hanging there like the lights and ornaments adorning the tree


I move in slow motion, yet everything rushes by.

I feel it’s heavy grip yet can't understand why.

It’s Christmas. I should be happy and feel joy.

What is wrong with me that I sit here crying in the pain grief brings.


I fight against its heavy grasp

Struggling for just a moment of relief. 

I become angry and harsh, throwing insults and screaming in hopes it will bring me release. 

I constrict and pull away.

I shut down and resist.

It’s too much to bear


The Grief is here

Heavy and cold 


In a moment of raw desperation I finally concede and ask the grief- 

What do you want from me? Why won’t you let me go?


Amongst the shadows that fill my heart,

I hear griefs gentle response


I am here to remind you of love.

I am here to remind you that even in the darkness, cold and pain, there is light. 

I am here to remind you to live the life that you imagined, because tomorrow is never promised. 

I am here to remind you of the grace that comes when we surrender and awaken to the present. 


Breathe in and surrender to the grief living inside for I am here with love and co-exist with joy. There is no right way and there is no wrong way.

Just allow me to be here as a reminder to love more fiercely 



So I breathe it in, surrendering to the grief living inside


Accepting it’s presence 



I breathe it out and let it flow through me.


And it lifts. 

With each moment spent in surrender it lifts a little more, creating space.


I breathe in and surrender

I breathe out and let it flow through me.


In breath, Out breath


Come grief, come in and let me warm you with my love. I will hold you and allow you. I will feel the love you have come to show me. I will hold you with wonder and become present to the life that is here now.


I breathe you in. I accept you. 

I breathe you out and let you flow.


You are a part of me.

And I am a part of you.


I am here. In this moment.


Breathe in, Accept. Breathe out, Release.


I am here and I am safe.


Breathe in, Accept. 

Breathe out, Let go.