You’re About To Lose Your Marriage…Do This Now

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This workshop is built from nearly a decade of working with men in marriage crisis, watching some recover their marriage and watching others fail. The patterns are predictable.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

After working with literally thousands of men now in late-stage marriage collapse, wives asked for divorces, etc., one of the most common questions that I get asked that confuses men is why won't my wife fight for this marriage? Why won't she make an effort? Why am I the only one making an effort here? Well, I'm going to talk about that today and demystify the situation. And it comes down to a psychological mechanism that's in play here that I call the commitment collapse switch. And if you understand this, you're going to do very well with the situation. If you don't, then you're going to struggle till the end, really. So what this does, it determines if she's actually going to fight for the marriage, or if she's going to exit the marriage. So there's a few men in here. So this is going to actually be this mechanism is going to become your best friend that's going to help you save your marriage, or it's going to become your worst enemy. This will fight to the end for you, or it will fight against you to the end. So the first principle that I want to give you here is that human beings, beings are wide for commitment and consistency. Now, understand this is way bigger. What I'm talking about today is way bigger than just your marriage. So don't make the mistake of thinking that this is just a principle that is for women. It's for every human being, man, woman, and child. We're just applying it to the marriage con uh the marriage environment here. But this is a very powerful principle also for business, for parenting, for understanding yourself as well. And this is coming essentially from the book Influence the Psychology of Persuasion by Robert Cialdini. Now, you may not know who Robert Cialdini is, but you have certainly been influenced by his work. He he was a political consultant for a number of uh presidential candidates. Uh, presidents and and presidential candidates are influenced, uh calling this guy to help get elected. So you I'm not gonna say who those candidates were, but you certainly have seen the work of this person. And fundamentally, he has a principle in this book called the Commitment and Consistency Principle, which is at play in your marriage. So what it basically states is that the mind, what the mind believes, it finds evidence to support. So if you believe something is good, you find evidence to support that it's good, and essentially you ignore any evidence that count contradicts that. If you believe something is bad, then you find evidence that supports that it's bad, and you fundamentally ignore everything that contradicts that. And this is this is one explanation of why we are so polarized in society today, because this is actually a psychological psy-up that's going on, and I'm going to show you that. So let me show you how powerful this principle is when it's applied intelligently, so you can see how it's operating in your marriage, and you can use this, you can make it your friend. So this principle was was used in the Korean War and the Vietnam, Vietnamese War by the Chinese, uh, by the Chinese to convert capitalist, capitalists, pro-capitalist American soldier POWs into pro-communist supporters and act and use them as uh propaganda tools to support the fight against communism. And that what I'm going to share with you today is the exact mechanism that they used to do that. This was this was used at such a high level that it actually took soldiers that were willing to give their lives and fight to the end to support an ideological viewpoint, and it actually took those soldiers and converted them to the complete opposite ideological viewpoint. That's how powerful what I'm gonna share with you today is. And this principle is at play in your marriage right now, whether you know it or not, it absolutely positively is. It's very critical that we identify that. So what's gonna happen here is your wife is gonna gather evidence to support whatever conclusion she reaches about your marriage. So if she believes that the marriage is worth saving, she believes that you can be redeemed, she believes that it's a positive situation, she's gonna build a case to support that. The same is true on the other side. If she believes that the marriage is not worth saving or it's fundamentally broken, cannot be saved, she will also collect evidence to build a case to end the marriage. So, what it's very important to understand here is that reality is not objective, it is very heavily filtered, dependent on something called a confirmation bias. Whatever bias you have, you are going to find evidence to support that bias to the exclusion of anything else. And this is where most men fall on shipwreck. This is where they go wrong. They think that they can, as men, we're logical, and we think that we can apply logic to the situation. And we think that we can sh build a case. None of this is happening. Logic is utterly irrelevant here. The truth is utterly irrelevant here. Objective reality is utterly irrelevant in this situation because anything that doesn't confirm her bias is going to be filtered out and at best ignored. So there are three stages here that this goes through. There are three stages of this commitment and consistency principle that your wife will go through that you will go through. You are also going through this right now. So the first stage is before the switch. This is the accumulation phase. She's gathering evidence. So the best way to look at this is it's like an FBI investigation. If you're being investigated by the FBI, you they they don't call you up and tell you that you're being investigated. They build a case, they gather all of the evidence, they evaluate the evidence, they decide if there's enough evidence for a grand jury indictment, and then and only then, if they believe that there's enough evidence, well, you get the knock on the door saying it's the FBI, we need to have a word with you. It's finished at that point. The case is built. They don't call you up and say we're thinking about investigating you, so get all of your affairs in order because anything we find we're going to use against you. So that is the switch. When you are knocked, when the when when the door is knocked upon, and you are informed that you are under investigation or under arrest, this is the threshold breach. There comes a point when enough evidence has been accumulated that the switch happens, the commitment collapse happens. It's a switch. Now the the the build-up is a process and takes time, the switch is instantaneous. And then there's after the switch, which is the lock-in phase. We're going to look at all three of these. You have to understand this, man. If you have any hope of saving your marriage, this is this is not optional. You have to understand it. So the first stage is what happens before the switch. So what is she doing at this point? So this is this is essentially from your first date to the point she decides that this marriage really cannot be saved. She she's still absolutely invested in the marriage. She's hoping that you'll change. There's hope for the marriage. She thinks, can he change? She's still, she's she's still posing the question, can he change with a hopefulness? She looks at the problems as temporary. He's drinking, but it's temporary, he'll fix that. He's absent, but it's temporary, he'll fix that. Tolerance is starting to decline at this point. Hope as this progress starts to decline. And at this point, this is this is the investigation stage, right? She she's gathering this evidence. It's not being presented to you, but evidence is being gathered. It is not being judged as positive or negative at this point, it's just being gathered. So, what she actually does here is she's tracking patterns. Uh men think that she's tracking moments, right? They'll say, Well, I did that, I said this last week. What do you think, Cody? I'm like, I think that you've lost the plot. She's tracking a six-month, twelve-month, twelve-year pattern. She's lowering her expectations in this phase of the marriage. When she when she first gets into the marriage with you, she has very high expectations. This man is my knight and shining armor, and he's gonna meet all of my, he's gonna fulfill all of my dreams. And then a few years later, it's well, he's a good provider and he's a good protector, and that's a good thing. I'm a lot better off than a lot of people. And then a few years later, it's like, well, he doesn't beat me. I guess that's something. And then after that, it reduces even further. Well, I've got my own life, I've got my own friends. The expectations are going lower and lower and lower as this goes on, and uh they're repeating internal questions where they're like, is this who this man is now? Can I live with a man like this long term? She's starting to see your patterns and your behaviors not as something that can be corrected and changed, but something that now is permanent, and now the question starts to come in: can I actually live with this? Can I live with this man? Can I live with this behavior? So the man's interpretation at this point, which is most certainly incorrect and catastrophic, is we're fine, we're just arguing, we just argue sometimes. Everybody argues, right? She's just emotional. We get the hormone argument. She's PMS, it's her time of the month, it's that time of life, it's the change. She'll get over it, it's not a big deal, right? Or we've been through worse. Basically, dismissive behavior that doesn't recognize the stage that the marriage is in, doesn't recognize what's happening, and essentially dismisses all of the warning signals. So the reality here is she's not reacting to isolated incidents, she's reacting to consistent behavior over an extended period of time. Men women think in terms of extended periods, men think in terms of moments. This is why I've, as I've just said, all the time, I'll be doing a consultation with someone and say, well, for the last week I've done this, and she's not responding. No, nor is she going to. And we're gonna get into that more and more here in a minute as well. I'm gonna give you the solution to this problem. I'm just gonna uh present the problem. I am gonna give you some solutions here as well. So the key mechanisms that are in play here is the hope versus tolerance curve. Hope and tolerance have a directly proportional relationship. When she has very high hope that you're gonna change, she has very high tolerance of a negative behavior. Alcohol, for example, if a man is an alcoholic, a wife will tolerate that behavior as long as she has hope that that behavior will change at some point. As the hope of that behavior changes or diminishes, her tolerance of that behavior diminishes as well. So a man that's behaving badly, when the hope is very high, he will get a lot of tolerance from that woman. When that tolerance, when that hope goes down to where he's not going to change, her tolerance goes down to zero. And when both drop below a threshold, this is when stage two, the switch happens. So this is what it looks like visually. High hope. We can see here when hope, when there's a hundred percent chance, hope that he's gonna change, there's a hundred percent tolerance of the behavior. As the question comes in to the play, why isn't he changing? Then we start to go like this there's a 50% chance that this is gonna change, or now there's a 50% chance of there's a 50% uh tolerance of her behavior until finally she has no hope here that your behavior is gonna change. Now she has zero tolerance of your behavior. And the man quite frequently here will go, Well, she's changed, my wife has changed. It's like to some extent that is true, but this is why that is happening. She gave you a lot of free uh freedom up here because she thought you changed. Now she's now that's changing. So her decision to leave, and this is critical, actually happens somewhere around here, right? Men think it happens here because this is where you're told it happened. This is where she says, I've had enough of you and I'm out. But what actually happens is she makes the decision here on this curve, from here to here, her confirmation bias, her commitment and consistency, her collapse switch mechanism is confirming her decision and building the case. This is the FBI building evidence of the case to where you are told that you have been indicted by a grand jury right here. And this is the critical mistake that men make. We think that this is where the problem started. This is where we enter into the conversation. My wife told me she wants a divorce, the problem started here. No, sir. She left the marriage here. This is typically 12 to 18 months, this period. At which point she has been seriously building a case against you. Now, the critical warning here is this is where the outcome is decided, is right here. This is where she's decided the fate of this marriage. This is where you think it is. This is the gap that if you don't understand that, you are doomed to lose your marriage. So stage two now is the switch. Now, what actually happens here is a threshold is breached and an internal decision is made. So this is how this looks visually. So you've got high hope here, high tolerance, and as we go down through the threshold, she it well, we're in the green section of this graph here. This is how she's interpreting everything, right? Like her confirmation bias is going, he's an alcoholic, he's he is an alcoholic, but he's getting help and he will change. He's trying because he cares about this relationship. He's trying because he's making an effort, he's getting counseling because he's concerned. She takes your behavior pre-throld and interprets it, gives it a positive interpretation. Because she has decided that the marriage is worth saving, and everything you do is now going to be given that lens, it's going to be viewed through that lens. She's going to find evidence to support everything that you're doing is positive, and anything that you do that's negative is going to be thrown out. Now, when this threshold is crossed, the exact opposite. So, here, at this point, let's say here on the curve, you make an effort to change, she's going to go, he's making an effort, he cares about me, he cares about the marriage, he's trying to make an effort to save this thing. You you exhibit the exact same behavior here, the exact same effort, the exact same words, the exact same process, and she's going to go, he's trying to manipulate me. A man who acknowledges that he's got an alcohol problem here and gets into counseling, she's going to say he's trying to he's trying to better himself and he's doing this for the marriage, and I believe that he will beat this. The man that puts himself in AA or counselling here, the woman goes, she's just try, he's just trying, he's only doing this because I've told him that I'm leaving. He doesn't care about me, he doesn't care about the marriage, he's only doing this to manipulate the situation. This is why if you can act upon your marriage while we're above the line of threshold here, it is easier to save your marriage by an order of magnitude. Because everything that she does is she has a confirmation bias that this marriage is worth saving, and everything you do is going to be viewed through that lens that he's making an effort to save this marriage. Once you cross that, and unfortunately, this is where most men come into my world, is the wife's told them she's she's crossed the threshold, the switch has been flipped, and now everything you do is going to be viewed through a negative lens. Now, can this be turned around? Absolutely. But it takes skill at this point, and it is a hell of a lot harder, and it is also not certain at this point. If you're watching this and you are a man who is above this threshold, your wife is still in the marriage, do not let it get to this point. It is a catastrophic mistake. So, what happens when she goes into the red here, when she crosses this threshold, her mentality goes, changes to this will not change, this is not acceptable. I am not staying in this marriage, I am done with this. So, her psychology, once that line is crossed, there's three layers that all align together in the perfect storm of you don't want this. Now, the first one is her cognitive psychology. She goes from he's making an effort or I hope that he'll change or I believe he'll change to he won't change, he's never gonna change. This is who he is. I accept this is who he is, he's never gonna change. The second stage is the emotional change where she goes from she she starts to feel unsafe around him, emotionally unsafe. She feels drained, she starts to feel relief when he's not around, she starts to enjoy not being around him. And third, the third shift is an identity shift. She she's she's to some extent starts to develop a sense of self-respect that doesn't support your outcome in any way, shape, or form. She'll say things like, I'm not the type of woman that puts up with this, I'm not going to be treated like this, I'm not the kind of woman that stays in this kind of marriage. I have self-respect. Now understand when a woman says, I am not the kind of woman that stays in a marriage like this, she is now going to look for evidence that supports that she is not a woman that stays in this kind of marriage. And if it is not there, she will fabricate and produce that evidence. Now, what evidence do you think that she could fabricate that would support the idea, the mental position, that I am not the kind of woman that stays in this marriage? Working on the marriage is not it. So cognitively she moves to he won't change, emotionally, she moves to she feels unsafe, emotionally drained within the relationship. She feels relief when he's not around, and her identity moves to one of I have some self-respect for myself, I'm not putting up with this crap from him anymore. So to the man, oblivious creatures that we are, this feels very sudden to him. Like when this switch happens, stage two, it feels like it came out of nowhere. This is why 70% plus of men say that they were completely blindsided by divorce. I never saw it coming, I didn't realize because you were oblivious to it. We were fine last month. I I I understood she wasn't happy, but I never I didn't think it was this bad. But the reality is you just missed the entire build-up. So the critical line here is you think that that moment where she tells you that it's over is the is where the actual battle began. No, that's actually where the battle ended. It was the that was actually the moment where that decision was finalized. That's where you don't that's not the point where you get on the field and start playing ball. That's the point where the final whistle is gone fundamentally, unless you have some real skill to turn this around. So stage three is now after the switch. Now, what happens in stage three is the exact opposite to stage one. Everything you do is going to be used against you. She's now committed to leaving the relationship, and she uses this consistency principle in reverse to justify the exit. Everything that you previously did that would have been positive would have been built a case positively for you. You make effort, you make change. She's now going to turn that into a manipul. She's going to say he's just trying to manipulate me. He's only doing this because I've told him that I'm leaving. He doesn't really care about the marriage, he's only doing this now because he wants sex. Everything that you do at this point that would have been used that she would have justified or she would have uh viewed favorably prior to this switch, she now uses against you. So, what does she do here? Well, one of the things she's gonna do is she's gonna start rewriting history. This is why when men say, I'm going to remind her, I'm gonna start showing her pictures of the past and remind her of how good it was, and blah blah blah, and she we reminded of I'm her no, bro. She's gonna look at those and she's gonna rewrite history. You are going to eradicate those memories, they are going to be written over. Remember, the mind does not deal with reality, the mind sees the world through a confirmation bias. As do you, as do I, as does everybody. She's gonna look at the effort that you made a year ago, two years ago, three years ago. Maybe I'm just using alcohol as an example, right? Maybe you went to counseling three years ago. She's gonna go, he only did that at the time. She would say he did that because he was trying to save the marriage. Now she's going to look at it and go, I actually realize now that all he was doing was trying to buy himself more time. I realize now she's going to rewrite history. So you going back and trying to logically tell her what this is what happened. Remember, like, no, bro, that's not going to work. That's that's just gonna make the situation worse. She filters everything negatively now. If it was previously neutral, it now becomes negative. If it was previously positive, it now becomes dismissed or seen as manipulation. She's going to go back and look at events. She's going to rewrite history in a very negative way for you. She's going to look at, let's say you go out with your friends every Saturday night, which is a neutral event, maybe slightly positive within the marriage, having a life outside of the marriage, if it's healthy, she's going to look at that and say he was just being selfish. He just wanted to go out with his friends and have a good time and he didn't care about me. She's going to rewrite that history. If you did something as posit that was positive within the marriage, you took her on vacation. Which was potentially a positive thing, right? Show her a good time. She's gonna go. He only did it because he wanted to get sex from me. He only did it because he wanted to go. Like the she everything is going to shift. Pre-switch, this is your best friend because everything that's neutral is interpreted as positive, and everything that is negative is dismissed or manipulated. If you want to see this in action, look at your own political bias. When your candidate of choice does something that's that's or when somebody that you oppose does something that's neutral, you'll find a way to make it negative, and if they do something that's positive, you'll just flat out dismiss it or ignore it. This is the bias that's working in society today, massively. The same commitment principle is is at functioning within your marriage. So his interpretation, again, at this point, if I just show her I can change. Interpretation, he's trying to manipulate me. If I just say the right things, there is you can't say the right things at this point. I'm going to show you. If I give her space, she'll come back. No. All too late. The reality, you are now operating, you are now operating against her conclusions, you're operating against her identity, and you're operating against her emotional space state. You have allowed the monster, instead of killing the monster when it was a baby, you've allowed it to grow into a full-grown troll. And now you have got a monumental task on your hands to turn this around. So the key consequence here is now time's working against you. Delay is just going to reinforce a decision. If you delay action, it's just gonna just gonna reinforce it. So the critical truth here is after the switch, any improvement fundamentally is just filtered out. Anything you say that's positive is just filtered out. Any change you make is fundamentally just filtered out. You have to overcome this. So the consequence of delay, again, my goal here is this this really is as much for men who are pre-switched. Like if you are in a situation and you're watching this where you are seeing the warning signs in your marriage and you don't take action, you brother, I fool. Because here's the consequence. You know, we're gonna do a coaching session after this, and we'll be talking to men who are experienced in the reality of what happens when your wife leaves, years of financial security split, gone. Children growing up between two different houses, seeing your kids on weekends or holidays, starting over at a point in your life when that is the most costly thing you could possibly do. The consequences of allowing this switch to happen, you don't want to go there. If you're watching this and your wife hasn't flipped that switch yet, brother, do not let it get to that point. Because there is a point where no amount of corrective behavior recovers this. Pre-switch, you have a huge amount of control. Post-switch, you're at the mercy of the winds. Can you recover it? Yes, but it is going to require a lot of skill and attention to detail. So let me just say here to inject some hope back into the situation because I don't want to act like it's completely hopeless here. So this is let me explain why this is correctable. Because one, she that she was very hopeful and she interpreted everything through the positive lens, right? She gave you the benefit of the doubt, she gave you the positive interpretation. That switch flipped and went from positive to negative. It can switch back again. You you switched it from there to there, from A to B, but you have to understand how it switched. It didn't switch in an instant, it switched over an extended period of time through accumulation of behavior. So when that window closes, uh, potentially it's not going to reopen. If you don't have the skill, if you don't have the guidance that you need, that window is not going to reopen for you. She's not going to change her mind. You have to take very specific action. So most men, unfortunately, this is like drinking, right? You're like, you don't know when you're drunk until you cross the line. We all we all think that we can just have a nice buzz and have a good time without crossing over into drunken stupidity. Well, we don't know where that line is. The same is true in a marriage. You don't know when your marriage crosses from being recoverable to not recoverable. So avoid the regret of a man who understood what was happening, had the window to act, and didn't take this seriously. I'm telling you, avoid that regret. So what causes delay? Why do men why do men take delay here? Why do they choose delay instead of action? Well, the just standard lies, right? I have time, this will pass. She just needs space, I'll fix this later. It's not that bad. Everybody goes through this, everybody answers, she'll never leave. Like this is what we tell ourselves as men. Telling you, if you're smart, don't let that happen to you. So every day delays her decision. So, in any other domain, that delay and that lack of information, that lack of competency would be called incompetence. You can't be a pilot of a plane and not understand how the plane functions. You can't you can't be a pilot of a plane and not understand that it needs fuel to run, and if it runs out of fuel, the plane collapses into destruction. When a plane runs out of fuel mid-air, you don't get to go, oh, let's work on this and work our way through it. No, when a plane runs out of fuel at 30,000 feet, it falls to the ground and everybody dies. So, what's the fix here? Let's get into the fix. So it's not words, it's not apologies, it's not promises. None of those are going to work, they're just going to be viewed through the negative filter and used against you. The only thing that actually works is consistent observable behavior change behavioral change over an extended period of time. Anyone that's telling you that you can turn this around in four weeks really, quite frankly, isn't telling you the truth. And I'll show you why. Because she doesn't believe what you say, she only actually repeats, believes what you repeatedly demonstrate. Now let me can let me let me show you here. Before the switch, she gives you the benefit of the doubt. She interprets it charitably, she still is emotionally invested. After the switch, the exact opposite is true. She interprets against you, withdraws, builds an exit narrative. So the exact same behavior, brothers, on Monday, the exact same behavior on Monday gets a completely different interpretation on Tuesday. So, what's the fix? Let's use the analogy of the credit score to show you how you fix this. So you can't apologize, you can't fix your credit score by apologizing. Let's say you've been financially irresponsible for a decade, 10 years, you've got $100,000 in outstanding debt. You've missed payments, you've been utterly unreliable for 10 years. You can't talk your credit score up. You can't call Experian and say, hey, I've made a mistake, I understand that I've made a mistake and I've changed my ways. Please please bring my credit score back up to 850 or whatever. You can't apologize and say, I'm sorry, I made a mistake. And you can't make future promises saying I'm not going to do this in the future. So it doesn't matter. Your credit, your credit score doesn't care. And it behaves in the same way. It has the same collapse, commitment, collapse switch as your wife. The financial markets afford you a certain amount of credit. They say that you are a worthwhile risk. As you diminish that credibility, you don't realize that you have a negative negative credit rating until one day you fall below a certain number. And it is a snap of a finger. You go from this to this, and you've gone from being a good credit risk to being a bad credit risk. The flip switch has been flipped. Now, you can't make one big payment after 10 years of irresponsibility. So let's say you owe $100,000 in outstanding debts. You can't make one big payment. Pay that $100,000 off, call the credit card companies or the credit companies and say, I've sorted it out. That $100,000 payment of paying your debt off moves almost nothing within your credit score. Your credit score is behaving the same way as your wife. It is not evaluating you based on one moment, it is evaluating you based on a compounded period of time. Your credit score, as does your wife, responds to consistent behavior over an extended period of time. Can you correct your credit score? Yes. Can you fix it? Yes. Can you become credit worthy again? Yes. You can. But you do it through consistently correcting and modifying your behavior over an extended period of time. And if you do that for long enough, the credit market will once again say that you are a risk worth taking. Your credit score, the same as your wife, it weighs recent history way less than long-term patents. If you have a 10-year history of screwing your credit up and being irresponsible with finance and payments, it really couldn't care less about your short-term history. Yes, your short-term history is very, very, very important because that is how you rebuild it. Step here, step there, little bit here, little bit there, payment here, payment there. You have to do that. But if you if you're expecting your credit score to go from 400 to 800 in a week because you've apologized, you've realized where you went wrong, you paid off the majority of the debt. It just doesn't work like that. You have to establish long-term patterns to re-establish credibility. So the only way this reverses your wife or your credit score is it's not one conversation. That's not going to fix this. Men go give me the script, Cody. Well, let me let me tell you what that is. If you you're asking for a spell, you're asking for witchcraft. Give me the conversation, give me the words, Cody, give me the spell that will undo all of this. Doesn't exist. One apology doesn't exist. You can't apologize to the credit companies and say, I'm sorry, I screwed up. I understand that. Fixes absolutely precisely zero. One week of effort is not going to fix it. If you don't understand this is how this works, you're going to become disparaged, discouraged. You're going to go, this isn't working. You told me to have this conversation, Cody, and she still won't give me sex. Well, okay. I apologize. I understand everything I did, and I've apologized, and she still thinks I'm Satan. Yeah, she's going to. I've made an effort, I've made all of these changes, and my wife doesn't recognize any of them. No, nor is she going to. You understand? She went from here to here. It took her maybe ten years to get to that point. She didn't, you didn't make one mistake, one screw up. One bad decision. And she decided she was going to leave you. She didn't it wasn't one bad decision and she decided she's out of the relationship. It was thousands of bad decisions. It was thousands of attempts at reconciliation. It was a thousand attempts at rehabilitation. It was a thousand attempts at telling you what needs to happen before she decided to flip that switch, or before the switch flipped. Same is true in Reverse Brothers. Can you turn this around? Yes. Can you do it this week? Some of you might, but generally speaking, that is going to be an unrealistic expectation for you. So the only thing that actually changes this is consistent action repeated over time with zero contradiction. How do you repair a credit score? You make payments consistently over time with zero actions that contradict that you're a poor credit risk. And quite frankly, this is not something that you you want to figure out alone. We're going to jump into Q ⁇ A and coaching here in a minute. But this is not this is not a game, man. If you want to try and figure out this alone, then your marriage is in danger. And I'm here to help you save your marriage. So the reality is trying trying to win trying to win her back quickly has the same probability of returning your credit score overnight. If your goal is to win your wife back this week, this month, then, you know, quite frankly, like I'd love to tell you that because it's commercially very advantageous for me to say, look, I guarantee you win your wife back in a week, two weeks a month, whatever. It's like, but quite frankly, it's like as you're seeing, that's not the strategy, right? Trying to ret trying to return your credit score to 800 overnight has a near zero chance of success. Near zero. So here's where you are right now. You're either before the switch or you're after the switch. That's it. If you're before it, the outcome is still being decided. Hopefully, you can see from this video today. Don't don't let it get to that point. I'm serious, do not let it get to that point because it your your marriage is deteriorating like this to that point, it goes straight down after that. It is not a linear destruction at that point. Don't let it come to this. So if you are before the switch, she's she's collecting evidence. Start giving her different evidence. If you're after the switch, then you can fix this. There is a window that exists for you, but I'm telling you, it's closing very quickly, and that's just the truth. Every literally every day that goes by makes this harder and harder for you to fix. Every day that you engage in the wrong behavior, every day that you miss another payment, your credit score goes down, and every day that this goes on, then it just confirms the decision that's already been made by her, right? So there's no third position. You're before the switch, you're after the switch. So if you if you want to make some changes, if you want to know the exact steps, I'm gonna give you some steps. There's a masterclass uh I've got below this this video here called You Can Win Her Back. I give you the exact steps in there. I'm not gonna do that in this video, you can find those there. Um if you're in the private group, we're gonna jump over to some QA now. Uh, if not, do yourself a favor, watch this video here. And uh, if you if you're getting some value out of this, if you want to help me out, you help this this out and share this message, just subscribe, leave a like, and and leave a comment. It really helps this message get to men that that need it. So that's it from me. Let's jump over to the QA.