{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"startTime":88.58,"endTime":91.42399999999999,"body":"Today, we're talking about five ways to"},{"startTime":91.462,"endTime":94.42399999999999,"body":"have healthy boundaries. Boundaries and what to do when"},{"startTime":94.462,"endTime":97.096,"body":"they fail. First, let's talk about what"},{"startTime":97.118,"endTime":99.37,"body":"boundaries are and what they're not."},{"startTime":99.82,"endTime":102.52,"body":"Before I get started, here's my disclosure."},{"startTime":103.02,"endTime":105.996,"body":"I'm not an advocate of boundaries. If I was to"},{"startTime":106.018,"endTime":107.97999999999999,"body":"be absolutely truthful,"},{"startTime":108.4,"endTime":111.1,"body":"however, I do understand and support"},{"startTime":111.17,"endTime":113.78399999999999,"body":"the need people have for creating"},{"startTime":113.832,"endTime":116.716,"body":"them when they have relationships that are"},{"startTime":116.898,"endTime":119.372,"body":"dishonouring of their humanity,"},{"startTime":119.51599999999999,"endTime":122.46000000000001,"body":"values, selves, choices,"},{"startTime":122.62,"endTime":124.77,"body":"relationships, and lives."},{"startTime":125.69999999999999,"endTime":128.32,"body":"Instead, I'm an advocate for"},{"startTime":128.39,"endTime":130.932,"body":"having direct conversations that"},{"startTime":130.986,"endTime":133.812,"body":"communicate our requirements for that relationship"},{"startTime":133.946,"endTime":136.48,"body":"to be healthy, reciprocal,"},{"startTime":136.64,"endTime":138.9,"body":"honoring, and sustaining."},{"startTime":139.56,"endTime":142.24,"body":"By definition, a boundary is anything"},{"startTime":142.32999999999998,"endTime":143.88,"body":"that marks a limit."},{"startTime":144.3,"endTime":147.288,"body":"Psychological limits define personal"},{"startTime":147.374,"endTime":150.152,"body":"dignity. When we say you just"},{"startTime":150.206,"endTime":152.536,"body":"crossed a line, we're talking about a"},{"startTime":152.558,"endTime":155.5,"body":"psychological limit that marks the distinction between"},{"startTime":155.57,"endTime":158.45600000000002,"body":"behavior that does not cause emotional harm"},{"startTime":158.488,"endTime":161.464,"body":"and behavior that does cause emotional"},{"startTime":161.512,"endTime":164.04399999999998,"body":"harm. The source for that"},{"startTime":164.16199999999998,"endTime":165.292,"body":"definition is"},{"startTime":165.346,"endTime":167.63,"body":"guidetopsychology.com."},{"startTime":168.42000000000002,"endTime":171.2,"body":"So, generally speaking, in healthy,"},{"startTime":171.51999999999998,"endTime":173.45,"body":"active, engaging"},{"startTime":173.79,"endTime":176.666,"body":"individuals, personal boundaries are the"},{"startTime":176.688,"endTime":179.30599999999998,"body":"physical, emotional, and mental limits"},{"startTime":179.418,"endTime":182.382,"body":"that we have put in place to"},{"startTime":182.43599999999998,"endTime":185.406,"body":"protect ourselves from being manipulated, used,"},{"startTime":185.588,"endTime":187.68,"body":"or violated by others."},{"startTime":188.61,"endTime":190.72,"body":"Are they necessary at times?"},{"startTime":191.03,"endTime":193.922,"body":"Absolutely they are. I'm not"},{"startTime":193.976,"endTime":196.85,"body":"saying don't do them. I'm just saying,"},{"startTime":196.92000000000002,"endTime":199.362,"body":"generally speaking, in our lives, with"},{"startTime":199.416,"endTime":201.98399999999998,"body":"our, relationships, they may not be"},{"startTime":202.022,"endTime":204.13,"body":"necessary. And here's why."},{"startTime":205.07999999999998,"endTime":208.00400000000002,"body":"While they do allow us to separate who we are"},{"startTime":208.042,"endTime":210.88400000000001,"body":"and what we think and feel from the thoughts and"},{"startTime":210.922,"endTime":213.55599999999998,"body":"feelings of others, my question"},{"startTime":213.65800000000002,"endTime":216.51600000000002,"body":"to myself and you is, what if they're"},{"startTime":216.548,"endTime":219.192,"body":"not necessary? Many"},{"startTime":219.24599999999998,"endTime":221.95999999999998,"body":"years ago, I realized I had too many"},{"startTime":222.02999999999997,"endTime":224.79199999999997,"body":"boundaries. I had learned that"},{"startTime":224.846,"endTime":227.62400000000002,"body":"boundaries were important, that I had to have"},{"startTime":227.66199999999998,"endTime":230.32999999999998,"body":"them to be healthy and emotionally well."},{"startTime":231.01999999999998,"endTime":233.80399999999997,"body":"So what happened is I had learned that for"},{"startTime":233.84199999999998,"endTime":236.524,"body":"this relationship, I needed these boundaries for that"},{"startTime":236.562,"endTime":239.43599999999998,"body":"relationship, have these other boundaries. It"},{"startTime":239.45799999999997,"endTime":242.336,"body":"wasn't too long before I had different boundaries for"},{"startTime":242.358,"endTime":244.94400000000002,"body":"all of the various coworkers I worked with,"},{"startTime":245.062,"endTime":247.93200000000002,"body":"different ones for different managers or executives,"},{"startTime":248.07600000000002,"endTime":250.8,"body":"different ones for different family members, and yet"},{"startTime":250.87,"endTime":253.372,"body":"another different range for"},{"startTime":253.44600000000003,"endTime":256.292,"body":"friends. It was just too much"},{"startTime":256.346,"endTime":259.092,"body":"to manage. Over time, it"},{"startTime":259.146,"endTime":261.812,"body":"actually resulted in me dissecting myself into"},{"startTime":261.866,"endTime":264.736,"body":"multiple personas. Where I showed"},{"startTime":264.768,"endTime":267.256,"body":"up as this Dr. Dar or"},{"startTime":267.278,"endTime":269.13,"body":"darshana, with this person,"},{"startTime":269.58,"endTime":272.17,"body":"reserving certain aspects of myself."},{"startTime":272.94,"endTime":275.672,"body":"There were very few people where I was"},{"startTime":275.726,"endTime":278.636,"body":"totally being myself. That's what"},{"startTime":278.658,"endTime":281.544,"body":"I mean by dissecting myself into multiple"},{"startTime":281.592,"endTime":284.332,"body":"personas, being a different person, or"},{"startTime":284.386,"endTime":286.43,"body":"showing up as,"},{"startTime":287.24,"endTime":289.874,"body":"allowing a few aspects of myself to be"},{"startTime":289.992,"endTime":292.422,"body":"out in the open and hiding others,"},{"startTime":292.556,"endTime":295.462,"body":"depending on who the person was. I also"},{"startTime":295.516,"endTime":298.412,"body":"did that while dating. And none, of"},{"startTime":298.434,"endTime":301.308,"body":"those relationships turned out well because I was"},{"startTime":301.362,"endTime":304.312,"body":"holding myself back. I also"},{"startTime":304.354,"endTime":307.152,"body":"realized that the root cause for creating all"},{"startTime":307.174,"endTime":309.824,"body":"these boundaries was because I was not clear"},{"startTime":309.91,"endTime":312.56,"body":"about my own values. I was"},{"startTime":312.598,"endTime":315.592,"body":"unclear about what I would and would not tolerate"},{"startTime":315.644,"endTime":318.64,"body":"in my relationships. I was unclear"},{"startTime":318.688,"endTime":321.424,"body":"about my own core beliefs."},{"startTime":321.6,"endTime":324.272,"body":"And I also had varying"},{"startTime":324.304,"endTime":326.868,"body":"degrees of a lack of self love, self"},{"startTime":326.922,"endTime":329.54,"body":"esteem, and acceptance for my own inner"},{"startTime":329.588,"endTime":332.52,"body":"being. I found that I was"},{"startTime":332.558,"endTime":335.108,"body":"utterly influenced by others and had lost"},{"startTime":335.172,"endTime":338.148,"body":"myself in the swirl of external"},{"startTime":338.212,"endTime":341.068,"body":"influence. Until my body"},{"startTime":341.122,"endTime":343.436,"body":"let me know that I was out of alignment,"},{"startTime":345.216,"endTime":347.65999999999997,"body":"I kept going. My"},{"startTime":347.698,"endTime":350.652,"body":"relationships were out of alignment. My workplace was out"},{"startTime":350.674,"endTime":353.24,"body":"of alignment. My, personal"},{"startTime":353.358,"endTime":356.2,"body":"time was out of alignment. My"},{"startTime":356.238,"endTime":359.156,"body":"body could no longer support the extreme stress"},{"startTime":359.236,"endTime":361.99199999999996,"body":"my m mind and silent emotion had put on"},{"startTime":362.014,"endTime":364.996,"body":"it for decades, until"},{"startTime":365.08599999999996,"endTime":366.716,"body":"my body gave me a choice."},{"startTime":368.096,"endTime":370.748,"body":"To look at myself, to love"},{"startTime":370.80199999999996,"endTime":373.74,"body":"myself, to honor myself, and"},{"startTime":373.77799999999996,"endTime":376.20599999999996,"body":"to accept myself or"},{"startTime":376.736,"endTime":379.46799999999996,"body":"keep doing what I knew, keep doing what I had"},{"startTime":379.602,"endTime":382.416,"body":"been taught to do m my whole life. Be the good girl,"},{"startTime":382.486,"endTime":385.19599999999997,"body":"be obedient. Do what I tell you out of duty"},{"startTime":385.276,"endTime":388.08,"body":"or respect. Conform to society and"},{"startTime":388.118,"endTime":390.65999999999997,"body":"culture, because we don't do it that"},{"startTime":390.698,"endTime":393.44599999999997,"body":"way. So you should do what we do."},{"startTime":394.056,"endTime":396.996,"body":"You should conform. Be what everyone"},{"startTime":397.066,"endTime":399.39599999999996,"body":"expects and demands"},{"startTime":399.736,"endTime":402.726,"body":"instead. As I lay in that hospital bed,"},{"startTime":403.276,"endTime":406.248,"body":"I chose me. It took"},{"startTime":406.30199999999996,"endTime":409.272,"body":"separating myself from all that I thought I knew for a"},{"startTime":409.294,"endTime":412.216,"body":"while until I emerged."},{"startTime":412.876,"endTime":415.62399999999997,"body":"It took honoring my own thoughts, feelings,"},{"startTime":415.71999999999997,"endTime":418.156,"body":"values, and lifestyle priorities,"},{"startTime":419.536,"endTime":422.17199999999997,"body":"because deep down, I already knew."},{"startTime":422.354,"endTime":425.228,"body":"I didn't have to do a whole lot of soul searching. I just"},{"startTime":425.282,"endTime":428.188,"body":"had to be silent enough to allow"},{"startTime":428.24199999999996,"endTime":431.216,"body":"it to emerge, and I had to hear"},{"startTime":431.286,"endTime":434.11199999999997,"body":"it. I had to allow myself to shut the"},{"startTime":434.13399999999996,"endTime":436.90799999999996,"body":"outer noise out so I could listen to the wisdom"},{"startTime":437.05199999999996,"endTime":439.91999999999996,"body":"of my inner self and voice. The"},{"startTime":439.95799999999997,"endTime":442.604,"body":"body has amazing wisdom"},{"startTime":442.78,"endTime":445.764,"body":"if we just tap into it. I also wonder"},{"startTime":445.84999999999997,"endTime":448.74,"body":"if the world today would be more compassionate if more"},{"startTime":448.77799999999996,"endTime":451.188,"body":"women had done the same or do the same."},{"startTime":451.322,"endTime":454.312,"body":"Granted, many are waking up and realizing that they have"},{"startTime":454.334,"endTime":457.11199999999997,"body":"contributed in some way by being quiet and by"},{"startTime":457.13399999999996,"endTime":460.072,"body":"conforming to the norms. Don't question,"},{"startTime":460.174,"endTime":463.108,"body":"don't speak up. Don't share your wild ideas or thoughts."},{"startTime":463.17199999999997,"endTime":466.06,"body":"Don't contradict. Be respectful, and know your"},{"startTime":466.09799999999996,"endTime":468.21999999999997,"body":"place. Those are messages that are"},{"startTime":468.258,"endTime":471.132,"body":"rampant pretty much in every community"},{"startTime":471.234,"endTime":473.97999999999996,"body":"today. Now, I understand"},{"startTime":474.09799999999996,"endTime":476.828,"body":"that the women who came before us, our"},{"startTime":476.882,"endTime":479.568,"body":"ancestors, the ones that stood up,"},{"startTime":479.62199999999996,"endTime":482.572,"body":"were persecuted, punished,"},{"startTime":482.764,"endTime":484.94599999999997,"body":"went through a lot of pain."},{"startTime":485.63599999999997,"endTime":488.47999999999996,"body":"But I don't believe that's the case today in"},{"startTime":488.518,"endTime":491.264,"body":"2020. And I am inviting"},{"startTime":491.35999999999996,"endTime":494.08599999999996,"body":"us as women to"},{"startTime":494.856,"endTime":497.844,"body":"shift the paradigm, shift the mindset, starting"},{"startTime":497.93,"endTime":499.876,"body":"at home, and in our communities,"},{"startTime":500.776,"endTime":503.236,"body":"I'm an advocate for being respectful,"},{"startTime":503.756,"endTime":506.59,"body":"being skilled in knowing how to have a healthy and, honoring"},{"startTime":506.638,"endTime":509.442,"body":"conversation, knowing how to"},{"startTime":509.464,"endTime":512.356,"body":"manage your needs and our needs in a community,"},{"startTime":512.886,"endTime":515.75,"body":"knowing when something is out of alignment and how"},{"startTime":515.788,"endTime":517.5260000000001,"body":"to address it for ourselves,"},{"startTime":518.346,"endTime":521.03,"body":"followed by having the conversations to make"},{"startTime":521.068,"endTime":524.038,"body":"requests out of that relationship, to bring it back into"},{"startTime":524.092,"endTime":526.022,"body":"alignment, and"},{"startTime":526.2040000000001,"endTime":528.87,"body":"acknowledging when it can't come into alignment"},{"startTime":528.918,"endTime":531.814,"body":"and making honoring choices"},{"startTime":531.99,"endTime":534.17,"body":"out of having that information and that"},{"startTime":534.208,"endTime":537.146,"body":"knowing. What if instead, you"},{"startTime":537.216,"endTime":540.022,"body":"and us, as women, had conversations about"},{"startTime":540.064,"endTime":542.698,"body":"our values, how the other person's"},{"startTime":542.7620000000001,"endTime":545.758,"body":"words, choices, or behaviors don't align with"},{"startTime":545.812,"endTime":548.67,"body":"our values and if we would"},{"startTime":548.708,"endTime":551.438,"body":"like to stay connected, having a conversation about"},{"startTime":551.492,"endTime":554.402,"body":"what the requirements for the relationship are, if"},{"startTime":554.424,"endTime":557.41,"body":"it were to continue, and asking them what their"},{"startTime":557.448,"endTime":560.2760000000001,"body":"requirements are and you sharing what yours are"},{"startTime":560.646,"endTime":563.554,"body":"and seeing where the alignment is and is not."},{"startTime":563.72,"endTime":566.3100000000001,"body":"Now, if those are called boundaries, I'm all for"},{"startTime":566.348,"endTime":569.154,"body":"it. Or that type of conversation"},{"startTime":569.25,"endTime":572.242,"body":"is. What if that conversation resulted"},{"startTime":572.274,"endTime":574.77,"body":"in everyone realizing that there were divergent"},{"startTime":574.818,"endTime":577.642,"body":"approaches? What if everyone could see that they"},{"startTime":577.664,"endTime":580.438,"body":"could coexist for personal and professional expansion,"},{"startTime":580.5020000000001,"endTime":582.586,"body":"understanding and compassion?"},{"startTime":583.086,"endTime":585.862,"body":"Or what if that conversation resulted"},{"startTime":585.894,"endTime":588.49,"body":"in some or all parties realizing that this"},{"startTime":588.528,"endTime":591.15,"body":"connection and relationship had met m its"},{"startTime":591.188,"endTime":593.696,"body":"completion and you all parted ways"},{"startTime":594.466,"endTime":597.438,"body":"amicably without any drama, without"},{"startTime":597.492,"endTime":599.376,"body":"any gossip. You just say,"},{"startTime":600.386,"endTime":603.118,"body":"this group is wonderful. I feel my time"},{"startTime":603.172,"endTime":606.014,"body":"here is complete, and I am choosing"},{"startTime":606.11,"endTime":608.9920000000001,"body":"to, exit. If there's anything I"},{"startTime":609.014,"endTime":611.648,"body":"can do, you know what my gifts and talents are"},{"startTime":611.782,"endTime":614.736,"body":"in the future, reach out and then walk out"},{"startTime":614.806,"endTime":617.532,"body":"with respect and honor. There's no hard"},{"startTime":617.5740000000001,"endTime":620.436,"body":"feelings unless we bring it into the conversation."},{"startTime":620.7760000000001,"endTime":623.572,"body":"There have been times when I've said yes to a group or"},{"startTime":623.594,"endTime":626.5,"body":"community. Then it changes a few days, a few"},{"startTime":626.538,"endTime":629.528,"body":"weeks or months down the road, and it's no longer"},{"startTime":629.582,"endTime":632.392,"body":"in alignment with what I said yes to, or what I"},{"startTime":632.414,"endTime":635.3480000000001,"body":"thought I said yes to. I've invested"},{"startTime":635.412,"endTime":638.2760000000001,"body":"money and time into groups and communities"},{"startTime":638.436,"endTime":641.404,"body":"where this happens, weeks, months, or years into"},{"startTime":641.49,"endTime":644.2800000000001,"body":"it. Today, I don't bring pushing"},{"startTime":644.3280000000001,"endTime":647.26,"body":"energy to change it. I instead see that"},{"startTime":647.298,"endTime":650.092,"body":"the time and my time and money has"},{"startTime":650.114,"endTime":653.0200000000001,"body":"been served, that there's a higher purpose to it."},{"startTime":653.058,"endTime":655.744,"body":"I don't have to understand it, and my energy"},{"startTime":655.83,"endTime":658.688,"body":"is no longer required there. I am"},{"startTime":658.7420000000001,"endTime":661.644,"body":"free to allow something else to arrive, emerge"},{"startTime":661.6600000000001,"endTime":663.986,"body":"and expand into my life and being."},{"startTime":664.456,"endTime":667.296,"body":"I also contemplate this whole irreconcilable"},{"startTime":667.3760000000001,"endTime":670.0680000000001,"body":"differences that terminology used"},{"startTime":670.1220000000001,"endTime":672.98,"body":"commonly in marital separation or"},{"startTime":673.018,"endTime":675.172,"body":"divorce. I think it applies here"},{"startTime":675.354,"endTime":678.0200000000001,"body":"oftentimes. It's time to say goodbye. I"},{"startTime":678.058,"endTime":681.0,"body":"wish you and me the best in life"},{"startTime":681.038,"endTime":683.7520000000001,"body":"and love. What if you and we could say"},{"startTime":683.774,"endTime":686.6320000000001,"body":"goodbye and I love you, but we've been"},{"startTime":686.654,"endTime":689.38,"body":"taught to stay. It's so deep in our genetic"},{"startTime":689.428,"endTime":692.284,"body":"makeup and mindset. We've been taught to"},{"startTime":692.2900000000001,"endTime":695.0360000000001,"body":"suck it up. We've been taught that it will sort itself out."},{"startTime":695.106,"endTime":698.024,"body":"So we stay to our detriment"},{"startTime":698.2,"endTime":700.988,"body":"and ultimately to their detriment. We"},{"startTime":701.042,"endTime":703.9480000000001,"body":"stay. Then we become resentful, bitter,"},{"startTime":704.0120000000001,"endTime":706.88,"body":"unhappy, or worse over the"},{"startTime":706.918,"endTime":709.6120000000001,"body":"longer term and our bodies"},{"startTime":709.724,"endTime":712.72,"body":"suffer. Seeing where your requirements and"},{"startTime":712.758,"endTime":715.59,"body":"the other persons or communities or groups, align"},{"startTime":715.638,"endTime":718.442,"body":"or diverge is important. But you won't"},{"startTime":718.474,"endTime":721.45,"body":"know until you ask and have the conversation. By sharing"},{"startTime":721.498,"endTime":724.3180000000001,"body":"yours and asking for theirs, you would then"},{"startTime":724.3720000000001,"endTime":726.73,"body":"know what you're willing to accept or"},{"startTime":726.788,"endTime":729.49,"body":"not. Requirements are present all the"},{"startTime":729.528,"endTime":732.4340000000001,"body":"time. Sure, they can change over time, and"},{"startTime":732.44,"endTime":735.25,"body":"then you've got to have another conversation about it"},{"startTime":735.4480000000001,"endTime":738.292,"body":"because, we are growing, expanding, dynamic"},{"startTime":738.404,"endTime":741.116,"body":"individuals as human beings."},{"startTime":741.696,"endTime":744.268,"body":"But at any time, if a requirement is not"},{"startTime":744.322,"endTime":746.686,"body":"present, then"},{"startTime":748.4960000000001,"endTime":751.4680000000001,"body":"it's a deal breaker. Frankly, if a requirement is not"},{"startTime":751.522,"endTime":753.82,"body":"present, then you've got to have the tough"},{"startTime":753.868,"endTime":756.832,"body":"conversations. But what we do is we"},{"startTime":756.854,"endTime":759.552,"body":"confuse needs and wants with requirements. And because we"},{"startTime":759.5740000000001,"endTime":762.176,"body":"confuse them, we allow ourselves"},{"startTime":762.596,"endTime":765.412,"body":"to be flexible with our requirements. They are"},{"startTime":765.4340000000001,"endTime":768.384,"body":"not flexible. They are non negotiable. Requirements are non"},{"startTime":768.4000000000001,"endTime":770.932,"body":"negotiable. And because we are"},{"startTime":771.034,"endTime":773.206,"body":"confusing them with needs and wants,"},{"startTime":773.8960000000001,"endTime":776.7,"body":"we allow ourselves to get let down repeatedly."},{"startTime":776.8480000000001,"endTime":779.508,"body":"Ever since I got clear about my solid"},{"startTime":779.572,"endTime":780.456,"body":"requirements,"},{"startTime":783.436,"endTime":786.308,"body":"ever since I got clear about my solid requirements,"},{"startTime":786.452,"endTime":789.076,"body":"I no longer attract anything that is not"},{"startTime":789.166,"endTime":791.768,"body":"aligned with my requirements"},{"startTime":791.832,"endTime":794.7800000000001,"body":"and what they mean to me. And"},{"startTime":794.8180000000001,"endTime":797.64,"body":"I know ahead of time whether a choice I'm presented"},{"startTime":797.688,"endTime":800.268,"body":"with, an opportunity, new"},{"startTime":800.322,"endTime":803.312,"body":"relationship, a question, an invitation, a"},{"startTime":803.3340000000001,"endTime":806.0,"body":"job, or new customer place to spend my"},{"startTime":806.038,"endTime":808.8000000000001,"body":"money. Really, anything in life is in"},{"startTime":808.8380000000001,"endTime":811.2660000000001,"body":"alignment or out of alignment with me."},{"startTime":811.796,"endTime":814.546,"body":"I also am, clear about my relationship superpowers"},{"startTime":814.594,"endTime":817.446,"body":"and my kryptonite. There are five relationship"},{"startTime":817.5640000000001,"endTime":819.778,"body":"superpowers that I use in my coaching"},{"startTime":819.8100000000001,"endTime":822.374,"body":"practice. Using my relationship"},{"startTime":822.508,"endTime":825.446,"body":"superpower approach. Knowing which"},{"startTime":825.484,"endTime":828.4060000000001,"body":"one is your natural strong suit and which one does not"},{"startTime":828.4440000000001,"endTime":831.302,"body":"bring out the best in you also helps"},{"startTime":831.3820000000001,"endTime":834.378,"body":"you know and me know when we're out"},{"startTime":834.4000000000001,"endTime":837.3380000000001,"body":"of alignment and when we're not. I invite you to"},{"startTime":837.36,"endTime":838.538,"body":"take the quiz. Take my"},{"startTime":838.5600000000001,"endTime":841.182,"body":"quiz@relationshipsuperpower.com"},{"startTime":841.332,"endTime":844.302,"body":"to learn what your superpower and kryptonite really"},{"startTime":844.3720000000001,"endTime":847.3580000000001,"body":"are. After having used the relationship"},{"startTime":847.46,"endTime":850.398,"body":"superpower approach in my coaching practice and in"},{"startTime":850.4200000000001,"endTime":852.914,"body":"my own life for over ten"},{"startTime":852.9680000000001,"endTime":855.6980000000001,"body":"years, along with looking at themes from the"},{"startTime":855.72,"endTime":858.0020000000001,"body":"results of women who have taken the quiz"},{"startTime":858.342,"endTime":861.038,"body":"over that time or duration, I'm"},{"startTime":861.07,"endTime":863.7420000000001,"body":"finding that many women are super"},{"startTime":863.832,"endTime":866.6460000000001,"body":"duper convinced their superpower is"},{"startTime":866.6840000000001,"endTime":869.186,"body":"survival. Can you see the connection"},{"startTime":869.234,"endTime":872.114,"body":"here with what I just talked about around requirements"},{"startTime":872.178,"endTime":874.582,"body":"and staying and conformity."},{"startTime":875.162,"endTime":878.038,"body":"Women think their superpower is survival. They've"},{"startTime":878.07,"endTime":880.186,"body":"become so skilled and adept at"},{"startTime":880.224,"endTime":883.034,"body":"surviving. Now, as I said,"},{"startTime":883.0880000000001,"endTime":886.058,"body":"those words, you're probably sensing something is a little bit"},{"startTime":886.1600000000001,"endTime":888.8580000000001,"body":"out of alignment there. These women,"},{"startTime":889.0400000000001,"endTime":891.566,"body":"their bodies and their emotions are telling them"},{"startTime":891.604,"endTime":894.5540000000001,"body":"otherwise. They're tired. They feel out of alignment."},{"startTime":894.618,"endTime":897.258,"body":"They're in relationships that require survival"},{"startTime":897.37,"endTime":900.2860000000001,"body":"or protection tactics, and they stay because"},{"startTime":900.3240000000001,"endTime":903.258,"body":"they're so good at survival skills. Or so"},{"startTime":903.3000000000001,"endTime":906.226,"body":"the mind says. Now, please know"},{"startTime":906.264,"endTime":909.07,"body":"I'm not in any way, shape, or form telling"},{"startTime":909.086,"endTime":911.9060000000001,"body":"you what you should or should not do. Ultimately, you"},{"startTime":911.9440000000001,"endTime":914.8860000000001,"body":"are a choice. I'm just sharing some information"},{"startTime":915.004,"endTime":917.6220000000001,"body":"with you and some guidance that maybe"},{"startTime":917.692,"endTime":920.6260000000001,"body":"resonates. And if it doesn't, that's"},{"startTime":920.6740000000001,"endTime":923.6700000000001,"body":"perfectly okay. So the mind says"},{"startTime":923.7560000000001,"endTime":926.566,"body":"some things and tells us things out"},{"startTime":926.604,"endTime":929.59,"body":"of conditioning and programming and things that we've"},{"startTime":929.606,"endTime":932.202,"body":"been taught and learned. The body says something"},{"startTime":932.272,"endTime":934.714,"body":"else. The wisdom of the body is"},{"startTime":934.768,"endTime":937.654,"body":"powerful, and the relationship superpower approach"},{"startTime":937.7180000000001,"endTime":940.558,"body":"taps into that wisdom. My relationship"},{"startTime":940.6600000000001,"endTime":942.7520000000001,"body":"superpower approach, I should say,"},{"startTime":943.6020000000001,"endTime":946.3180000000001,"body":"be clear about what your requirements are in all your"},{"startTime":946.34,"endTime":948.432,"body":"relationships. For example,"},{"startTime":949.202,"endTime":951.7180000000001,"body":"mine are reciprocity, harmony,"},{"startTime":951.85,"endTime":954.594,"body":"love, and kindness. They"},{"startTime":954.648,"endTime":957.25,"body":"come from my whole body. I can"},{"startTime":957.336,"endTime":960.066,"body":"feel them. It's not just something my"},{"startTime":960.104,"endTime":963.058,"body":"brain comes out with, with words, without"},{"startTime":963.1600000000001,"endTime":966.152,"body":"feeling it deeply to the core of my body."},{"startTime":967.082,"endTime":969.9580000000001,"body":"From where my hair comes out of the roots and"},{"startTime":969.98,"endTime":972.8860000000001,"body":"my scalp down to my tippy tippy toes, I"},{"startTime":972.9240000000001,"endTime":974.2320000000001,"body":"can feel them."},{"startTime":974.6020000000001,"endTime":977.3820000000001,"body":"Reciprocity, harmony,"},{"startTime":977.542,"endTime":979.802,"body":"love, and kindness."},{"startTime":981.1020000000001,"endTime":984.058,"body":"Also, being clear about what these words mean to me is"},{"startTime":984.08,"endTime":986.778,"body":"a requirement. And for you, for"},{"startTime":986.8000000000001,"endTime":989.6940000000001,"body":"example, as I was processing and"},{"startTime":989.748,"endTime":992.6700000000001,"body":"really getting clear about my requirements, I had a lot"},{"startTime":992.676,"endTime":995.6460000000001,"body":"of other words on my sheet of paper. For"},{"startTime":995.6840000000001,"endTime":998.234,"body":"example, for me, respect, honor,"},{"startTime":998.298,"endTime":1001.1260000000001,"body":"flexibility, understanding, and compassion"},{"startTime":1001.274,"endTime":1004.162,"body":"are all words I include in with the word"},{"startTime":1004.2320000000001,"endTime":1007.042,"body":"love. Knowing my priorities in life"},{"startTime":1007.1120000000001,"endTime":1009.7620000000001,"body":"also helps keep me in alignment."},{"startTime":1010.182,"endTime":1012.994,"body":"I call them lifestyle priorities. And"},{"startTime":1013.048,"endTime":1015.878,"body":"my lifestyle priorities are my well being,"},{"startTime":1016.0600000000001,"endTime":1018.678,"body":"my marriage and family, my home"},{"startTime":1018.86,"endTime":1021.254,"body":"and my livelihood, in that"},{"startTime":1021.308,"endTime":1024.098,"body":"order. Knowing my priorities keeps"},{"startTime":1024.1299999999999,"endTime":1026.758,"body":"me aligned. I also consider in the"},{"startTime":1026.78,"endTime":1029.706,"body":"domain of family, my chosen family. Those are my"},{"startTime":1029.744,"endTime":1032.714,"body":"close friendships that I deeply care about and"},{"startTime":1032.768,"endTime":1035.754,"body":"are reciprocal. So when anything comes"},{"startTime":1035.808,"endTime":1038.774,"body":"along that does not align with my lifestyle priorities"},{"startTime":1038.838,"endTime":1041.566,"body":"or my values, I know to wait"},{"startTime":1041.764,"endTime":1044.112,"body":"or say thanks. It's not for me,"},{"startTime":1044.482,"endTime":1047.374,"body":"or I know it's an ending to something that was"},{"startTime":1047.4279999999999,"endTime":1050.206,"body":"good and is now out of alignment, without judgment or"},{"startTime":1050.244,"endTime":1052.978,"body":"analysis. It simply is what it"},{"startTime":1053.0,"endTime":1055.9859999999999,"body":"is. The root cause for needing or"},{"startTime":1056.024,"endTime":1058.146,"body":"having boundaries for me"},{"startTime":1058.344,"endTime":1061.054,"body":"is that we are dishonouring"},{"startTime":1061.118,"endTime":1063.902,"body":"to ourselves. How can we expect others"},{"startTime":1063.992,"endTime":1066.822,"body":"to honor us if we don't first honor ourselves."},{"startTime":1067.402,"endTime":1070.29,"body":"I believe energy attracts and repels."},{"startTime":1070.466,"endTime":1073.292,"body":"If we honor ourselves fully and wholly, then,"},{"startTime":1073.242,"endTime":1076.116,"body":"we have the energy of honoring ourselves."},{"startTime":1076.696,"endTime":1079.364,"body":"We then find that we no longer attract"},{"startTime":1079.54,"endTime":1082.324,"body":"anything that is dishonouring of ourselves."},{"startTime":1082.5,"endTime":1085.3,"body":"And if we do, we know how to handle it with honor,"},{"startTime":1085.348,"endTime":1088.056,"body":"respect and love for self and all"},{"startTime":1088.126,"endTime":1091.1,"body":"involved. To me, this approach is"},{"startTime":1091.138,"endTime":1093.916,"body":"so much more empowering than a boundary."},{"startTime":1094.496,"endTime":1096.812,"body":"Let me know what you think by leaving a"},{"startTime":1096.834,"endTime":1099.644,"body":"comment, reaching out to me on my website"},{"startTime":1099.81,"endTime":1102.752,"body":"and sharing your thoughts with me. So here are"},{"startTime":1102.774,"endTime":1105.616,"body":"the five ways to have healthy boundaries."},{"startTime":1106.276,"endTime":1109.1,"body":"First, take the relationship superpower quiz"},{"startTime":1109.148,"endTime":1111.52,"body":"to learn about the five relationship"},{"startTime":1111.638,"endTime":1114.5159999999998,"body":"superpowers and identify your"},{"startTime":1114.586,"endTime":1117.3799999999999,"body":"specific natural superpower and your"},{"startTime":1117.418,"endTime":1119.9679999999998,"body":"kryptonite. Remember, the kryptonite"},{"startTime":1120.032,"endTime":1122.7359999999999,"body":"is the areas"},{"startTime":1122.816,"endTime":1125.624,"body":"or energy that makes, you weak. That doesn't"},{"startTime":1125.6399999999999,"endTime":1128.512,"body":"bring out the best in you. Then the second step is"},{"startTime":1128.5339999999999,"endTime":1131.1999999999998,"body":"to identify and be clear about your top four or"},{"startTime":1131.2379999999998,"endTime":1134.012,"body":"five values. Spend some time with this. It's"},{"startTime":1134.0439999999999,"endTime":1136.896,"body":"really important and it just"},{"startTime":1136.966,"endTime":1139.7479999999998,"body":"really feels good when you're clear"},{"startTime":1139.802,"endTime":1142.692,"body":"about them and they're solid and grounded. Third,"},{"startTime":1142.7939999999999,"endTime":1145.1999999999998,"body":"identify and be clear about your lifestyle"},{"startTime":1145.2479999999998,"endTime":1147.828,"body":"priorities. I suggest no more than"},{"startTime":1147.8819999999998,"endTime":1150.56,"body":"four or five. Ensure"},{"startTime":1150.608,"endTime":1153.32,"body":"you're grounded, aligned and solid in your"},{"startTime":1153.358,"endTime":1156.1,"body":"relationship superpower values and lifestyle"},{"startTime":1156.148,"endTime":1159.146,"body":"priorities. As the fourth step."},{"startTime":1159.596,"endTime":1162.552,"body":"They don't change around or morph and they are a"},{"startTime":1162.5739999999998,"endTime":1165.32,"body":"requirement. They are also an alignment"},{"startTime":1165.368,"endTime":1168.156,"body":"tool for you as you make choices in your life going"},{"startTime":1168.2259999999999,"endTime":1171.1799999999998,"body":"forward. The fifth step is for you"},{"startTime":1171.2179999999998,"endTime":1173.068,"body":"to check in with your relationship"},{"startTime":1173.202,"endTime":1175.8999999999999,"body":"superpower. Check in whether your"},{"startTime":1175.9379999999999,"endTime":1178.8,"body":"kryptonite is active. Check in with"},{"startTime":1178.838,"endTime":1181.7279999999998,"body":"your four or five values. Check"},{"startTime":1181.782,"endTime":1184.56,"body":"in with your lifestyle priorities before you make"},{"startTime":1184.598,"endTime":1187.196,"body":"choices in your life and ensure"},{"startTime":1187.2759999999998,"endTime":1190.196,"body":"that the choice you're thinking of making"},{"startTime":1190.2659999999998,"endTime":1192.7079999999999,"body":"or contemplating making is in full"},{"startTime":1192.762,"endTime":1195.492,"body":"alignment. If it isn't, that's a"},{"startTime":1195.514,"endTime":1198.2759999999998,"body":"message for you to wait or say"},{"startTime":1198.346,"endTime":1201.3319999999999,"body":"no, not now. Also, I want"},{"startTime":1201.3539999999998,"endTime":1204.292,"body":"to share with you what to do when your boundaries have failed you or"},{"startTime":1204.3139999999999,"endTime":1207.272,"body":"are not working. I've already stated that I"},{"startTime":1207.2939999999999,"endTime":1209.816,"body":"believe it's not necessary to have boundaries."},{"startTime":1210.156,"endTime":1212.6,"body":"Instead, I invite you to make a choice to have the"},{"startTime":1212.638,"endTime":1215.5919999999999,"body":"conversations where you share your requirements of"},{"startTime":1215.614,"endTime":1218.586,"body":"the relationship or event. For example,"},{"startTime":1218.896,"endTime":1221.8519999999999,"body":"I've let my parents know in the past this happened when I was"},{"startTime":1221.874,"endTime":1224.764,"body":"in my 30s that talking about me getting married at"},{"startTime":1224.77,"endTime":1227.56,"body":"an event is not okay with me. So I would prefer"},{"startTime":1227.608,"endTime":1230.0459999999998,"body":"that that topic not be brought up"},{"startTime":1230.596,"endTime":1233.472,"body":"and we can all enjoy each other's company at that"},{"startTime":1233.494,"endTime":1236.4479999999999,"body":"weekend's gathering. I also let them know that if someone"},{"startTime":1236.502,"endTime":1239.408,"body":"brings it up, I'm going to change the subject or redirect it"},{"startTime":1239.462,"endTime":1242.4199999999998,"body":"by asking them a question about their life goals or"},{"startTime":1242.4579999999999,"endTime":1245.2959999999998,"body":"desires out of genuine curiosity,"},{"startTime":1245.376,"endTime":1248.244,"body":"wanting to connect with them. And if it becomes a"},{"startTime":1248.25,"endTime":1251.012,"body":"larger topic in a group, I will be silent to see if it"},{"startTime":1251.0339999999999,"endTime":1253.8919999999998,"body":"subsides, and if not, I will politely and kindly"},{"startTime":1254.004,"endTime":1256.952,"body":"excuse myself from the event if I'm unable to"},{"startTime":1256.974,"endTime":1259.896,"body":"redirect the conversation in another direction."},{"startTime":1260.2359999999999,"endTime":1263.1019999999999,"body":"I, then ask for their support with this. Now,"},{"startTime":1263.204,"endTime":1265.874,"body":"before I said all of that, I also said this"},{"startTime":1265.96,"endTime":1268.9099999999999,"body":"ahead of time. I know that me being married"},{"startTime":1268.9579999999999,"endTime":1271.858,"body":"is ultra important to you both, and I understand"},{"startTime":1271.992,"endTime":1274.802,"body":"that. And I want that for"},{"startTime":1274.8239999999998,"endTime":1277.33,"body":"me too, just not on your or this"},{"startTime":1277.368,"endTime":1279.83,"body":"timeline. Clearly it's not happening right"},{"startTime":1279.868,"endTime":1282.662,"body":"now. So when we get together, it"},{"startTime":1282.684,"endTime":1285.4579999999999,"body":"becomes a big topic and then I get upset."},{"startTime":1285.522,"endTime":1288.502,"body":"There's emotion and drama and then no one's having a good"},{"startTime":1288.524,"endTime":1291.4019999999998,"body":"time and enjoying each other. I don't want that to"},{"startTime":1291.424,"endTime":1294.2659999999998,"body":"happen at this event. And I also,"},{"startTime":1294.336,"endTime":1297.162,"body":"deep down know I don't have to bring this up,"},{"startTime":1297.264,"endTime":1300.1219999999998,"body":"but I know that if the conversation with my"},{"startTime":1300.144,"endTime":1303.1299999999999,"body":"parents had resulted in oh, we're going to talk"},{"startTime":1303.168,"endTime":1306.11,"body":"about it because we care about you and your future and we love"},{"startTime":1306.148,"endTime":1309.0539999999999,"body":"you. I know I would have said"},{"startTime":1309.22,"endTime":1312.062,"body":"I appreciate the invitation. That's just not going"},{"startTime":1312.0839999999998,"endTime":1314.942,"body":"to work for me at this time. So I'm choosing to stop by, say"},{"startTime":1314.964,"endTime":1317.754,"body":"hello, and then leave. Or I could"},{"startTime":1317.78,"endTime":1320.722,"body":"also say I'm choosing not to attend this time. I hope"},{"startTime":1320.744,"endTime":1323.57,"body":"you all have a wonderful time. And then I change"},{"startTime":1323.608,"endTime":1326.462,"body":"the conversation to a, ah, lighter topic so that we can reconnect"},{"startTime":1326.494,"endTime":1328.87,"body":"on things we do share and love about each other in our"},{"startTime":1328.908,"endTime":1331.906,"body":"lives. You can certainly call those boundaries,"},{"startTime":1331.9859999999999,"endTime":1334.5939999999998,"body":"I call them, meaningful conversations that are"},{"startTime":1334.6319999999998,"endTime":1337.3139999999999,"body":"honoring of each other, honoring of our"},{"startTime":1337.3519999999999,"endTime":1340.2459999999999,"body":"values, honoring of our requirements, honoring of our"},{"startTime":1340.268,"endTime":1343.1419999999998,"body":"lifestyle priorities. They are also self"},{"startTime":1343.196,"endTime":1346.07,"body":"honoring conversations. As women,"},{"startTime":1346.1399999999999,"endTime":1348.6899999999998,"body":"it's time for us to have these conversations."},{"startTime":1348.85,"endTime":1351.394,"body":"It's time for us to model them with kindness"},{"startTime":1351.522,"endTime":1354.186,"body":"and compassion. There's no need to"},{"startTime":1354.2079999999999,"endTime":1357.0819999999999,"body":"label it as feminist or any of these other"},{"startTime":1357.136,"endTime":1360.01,"body":"labels. It's just time for us to teach others"},{"startTime":1360.08,"endTime":1362.7939999999999,"body":"how to have these conversations by modeling them,"},{"startTime":1362.912,"endTime":1364.96,"body":"which requires having them."}]}