{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"startTime":88.91,"endTime":91.502,"body":"In this episode, I use the term"},{"startTime":91.566,"endTime":94.414,"body":"relationship superpower. As a lifelong"},{"startTime":94.462,"endTime":97.256,"body":"learner, I'm, consistently updating my programs and"},{"startTime":97.294,"endTime":99.976,"body":"offers for you. This term relationship"},{"startTime":100.094,"endTime":102.536,"body":"superpower is now known as the"},{"startTime":102.574,"endTime":105.416,"body":"sovereign relationship needs. Please keep"},{"startTime":105.454,"endTime":108.24799999999999,"body":"that in mind as you listen to this episode and"},{"startTime":108.27,"endTime":111.096,"body":"hear the term relationship superpower. They are"},{"startTime":111.134,"endTime":113.886,"body":"kind of interchangeable. I, just wanted you to know"},{"startTime":113.94,"endTime":116.55799999999999,"body":"what it is called now so that you are"},{"startTime":116.596,"endTime":119.354,"body":"aware of the new term sovereign"},{"startTime":119.434,"endTime":122.318,"body":"relationship needs. Our five relationship"},{"startTime":122.436,"endTime":124.76599999999999,"body":"superpowers that align with how we"},{"startTime":124.82,"endTime":127.646,"body":"respond, react, and behave"},{"startTime":127.71000000000001,"endTime":130.484,"body":"in our relationships, work, and lives."},{"startTime":130.85399999999998,"endTime":133.026,"body":"Our superpower is active and"},{"startTime":133.07999999999998,"endTime":135.954,"body":"engaged when we feel grounded and open"},{"startTime":136.024,"endTime":138.998,"body":"hearted. Our kryptonite is active when"},{"startTime":139.036,"endTime":141.522,"body":"we feel shame, blame,"},{"startTime":141.698,"endTime":143.826,"body":"guilt, depression,"},{"startTime":143.97,"endTime":146.64600000000002,"body":"anxiety, or when we're critical about"},{"startTime":146.7,"endTime":148.504,"body":"ourselves or others."},{"startTime":149.514,"endTime":152.32999999999998,"body":"Knowing your superpower in your kryptonite is a"},{"startTime":152.352,"endTime":155.226,"body":"stressfree and harmonious way"},{"startTime":155.36,"endTime":157.946,"body":"to live our lives. When interacting with other"},{"startTime":158.0,"endTime":160.554,"body":"people and organizations"},{"startTime":161.054,"endTime":163.786,"body":"in the relationship Superpower podcast,"},{"startTime":163.93,"endTime":166.446,"body":"I provide you with inspiration and"},{"startTime":166.5,"endTime":169.438,"body":"encouragement to take one step to have"},{"startTime":169.476,"endTime":172.014,"body":"remarkable relationships, lives, and"},{"startTime":172.084,"endTime":174.606,"body":"work. What's your relationship"},{"startTime":174.74,"endTime":177.73000000000002,"body":"superpower? Find out now by taking the"},{"startTime":177.752,"endTime":181.41,"body":"quiz@relationshipsuperpower.com."},{"startTime":181.59199999999998,"endTime":184.14600000000002,"body":"I am Dr. Dar, and I am calling"},{"startTime":184.2,"endTime":186.30599999999998,"body":"myself the relationship"},{"startTime":186.44,"endTime":189.15800000000002,"body":"superpower coach. There are five"},{"startTime":189.276,"endTime":191.89,"body":"superpowers that humans"},{"startTime":192.002,"endTime":194.61,"body":"today m emanate,"},{"startTime":194.72199999999998,"endTime":197.666,"body":"and we're either at our best or we're at our worst"},{"startTime":197.81,"endTime":200.19799999999998,"body":"when we're playing with these superpowers in our"},{"startTime":200.236,"endTime":203.018,"body":"lives and one or"},{"startTime":203.05599999999998,"endTime":205.978,"body":"more are always on display at any"},{"startTime":206.01600000000002,"endTime":209.0,"body":"given time. I have, made it my life's"},{"startTime":209.03199999999998,"endTime":211.652,"body":"work to, collaborate with"},{"startTime":211.738,"endTime":214.196,"body":"you on having remarkable"},{"startTime":214.26,"endTime":217.128,"body":"relationships and communication that matters and makes"},{"startTime":217.166,"endTime":219.95999999999998,"body":"a difference so that you can have the results that"},{"startTime":219.98199999999997,"endTime":222.824,"body":"you desire in your life and without"},{"startTime":222.894,"endTime":225.356,"body":"other people. It's really challenging to create"},{"startTime":225.41000000000003,"endTime":228.25799999999998,"body":"results. Right? So, it can"},{"startTime":228.296,"endTime":230.786,"body":"be in our family relationships, in our work"},{"startTime":230.83999999999997,"endTime":233.548,"body":"relationships, in our relationships with"},{"startTime":233.586,"endTime":235.85399999999998,"body":"ourselves and,"},{"startTime":236.834,"endTime":239.66000000000003,"body":"friendships, you name it. we are engaging"},{"startTime":239.692,"endTime":242.64,"body":"with people all the time, even when we're not,"},{"startTime":242.74200000000002,"endTime":245.394,"body":"we're engaging with human beings. Right."},{"startTime":246.73399999999998,"endTime":248.51799999999997,"body":"so today's"},{"startTime":248.56599999999997,"endTime":251.536,"body":"minilesson. before I dive into it,"},{"startTime":251.67000000000002,"endTime":254.486,"body":"if you're not aware of, my Facebook"},{"startTime":254.55,"endTime":257.418,"body":"group, please join the relationship"},{"startTime":257.536,"endTime":260.49,"body":"superpowers group on Facebook. It is a closed"},{"startTime":260.522,"endTime":263.262,"body":"group and a very safe community where"},{"startTime":263.348,"endTime":266.34,"body":"women like us can, learn more about the"},{"startTime":266.362,"endTime":269.316,"body":"superpowers and build community as"},{"startTime":269.37,"endTime":272.164,"body":"we engage with each other and use this language"},{"startTime":272.24399999999997,"endTime":275.224,"body":"of relationship superpower."},{"startTime":275.564,"endTime":278.302,"body":"Okay, so, by popular request,"},{"startTime":278.398,"endTime":281.358,"body":"I'm going to be talking about negotiation"},{"startTime":281.486,"endTime":284.21,"body":"today using the superpowers."},{"startTime":284.402,"endTime":286.438,"body":"Okay, so the relationship"},{"startTime":286.556,"endTime":289.446,"body":"superpowers hail from the work"},{"startTime":289.5,"endTime":292.214,"body":"of Dr. William Glasser. He"},{"startTime":292.284,"endTime":294.95799999999997,"body":"spent, I think, probably 80"},{"startTime":295.026,"endTime":297.578,"body":"years. Whether he knew it or not,"},{"startTime":297.604,"endTime":300.18,"body":"studying today's human. And he hails from"},{"startTime":300.202,"endTime":300.774,"body":"the,"},{"startTime":302.684,"endTime":304.998,"body":"psychology and, mental"},{"startTime":305.046,"endTime":307.738,"body":"health domain of expertise."},{"startTime":307.866,"endTime":310.414,"body":"And what is really"},{"startTime":310.484,"endTime":313.386,"body":"resonant for me is he noticed and recognized"},{"startTime":313.45,"endTime":316.08,"body":"very quickly, once he was in private"},{"startTime":316.112,"endTime":318.614,"body":"practice and working with people"},{"startTime":318.924,"endTime":321.67,"body":"in what I call systems. systems"},{"startTime":321.702,"endTime":324.536,"body":"are anywhere, any place, that"},{"startTime":324.59,"endTime":327.348,"body":"creates an opportunity for learning structure"},{"startTime":327.476,"endTime":330.24,"body":"and most prolifically conformity."},{"startTime":330.372,"endTime":332.984,"body":"So it could be hospitals, schools,"},{"startTime":333.144,"endTime":336.12,"body":"religious organizations, prisons,"},{"startTime":336.312,"endTime":338.968,"body":"corporations, any type of"},{"startTime":339.006,"endTime":341.99,"body":"organization where there's, rules of conduct"},{"startTime":342.022,"endTime":343.214,"body":"and engagement"},{"startTime":344.99399999999997,"endTime":347.822,"body":"beyond the simple ones,"},{"startTime":347.90799999999996,"endTime":350.876,"body":"the kindness, the human courtesy. they"},{"startTime":350.93,"endTime":353.816,"body":"are cultures that then impact"},{"startTime":353.88,"endTime":356.71999999999997,"body":"individuals. And we change who we are to"},{"startTime":356.74199999999996,"endTime":359.448,"body":"fit in. he went into these"},{"startTime":359.486,"endTime":362.376,"body":"systems and he recognized that the current medical model"},{"startTime":362.43,"endTime":365.316,"body":"and mental health model simply doesn't"},{"startTime":365.38,"endTime":367.51599999999996,"body":"work. It wasn't for his"},{"startTime":367.57,"endTime":370.51,"body":"observation. he was noticing it was keeping"},{"startTime":370.542,"endTime":373.44399999999996,"body":"people right where they are. These are my words."},{"startTime":373.764,"endTime":376.38599999999997,"body":"but that's from, my reading and my"},{"startTime":376.424,"endTime":379.168,"body":"studying and my being coached, with"},{"startTime":379.21,"endTime":381.878,"body":"his work. that's what I've noticed as"},{"startTime":381.9,"endTime":384.806,"body":"well. And so people who find me, they"},{"startTime":384.844,"endTime":387.606,"body":"have tried a lot of things and they just did not"},{"startTime":387.644,"endTime":390.566,"body":"work for them. And it's very frustrating. We"},{"startTime":390.604,"endTime":393.578,"body":"spend a lot of money, a lot of time, a lot"},{"startTime":393.59999999999997,"endTime":396.22999999999996,"body":"of energy, only to feel like a failure,"},{"startTime":396.32599999999996,"endTime":399.226,"body":"feel shame. Why is it working for this"},{"startTime":399.264,"endTime":401.87199999999996,"body":"person but not for me? and the reason"},{"startTime":401.942,"endTime":404.692,"body":"why those things aren't working is because those"},{"startTime":404.762,"endTime":407.006,"body":"models, were created from the left"},{"startTime":407.06,"endTime":409.83799999999997,"body":"brain. I've talked about this a lot,"},{"startTime":409.95599999999996,"endTime":412.66999999999996,"body":"and we'll continue to. Those models and"},{"startTime":412.692,"endTime":415.358,"body":"systems were created from the left brain"},{"startTime":415.406,"endTime":418.33799999999997,"body":"space to fit people who are more"},{"startTime":418.376,"endTime":421.18199999999996,"body":"holistic, people who are creative,"},{"startTime":421.27799999999996,"endTime":424.034,"body":"intuitive, empathic, sensitive,"},{"startTime":424.664,"endTime":427.352,"body":"people who feel, who also think,"},{"startTime":427.518,"endTime":430.308,"body":"but think not in a left brain"},{"startTime":430.356,"endTime":433.06399999999996,"body":"logical box. Right. We think more"},{"startTime":433.214,"endTime":436.168,"body":"holistically and openly. And so these"},{"startTime":436.20599999999996,"endTime":439.012,"body":"systems are failing us in larger,"},{"startTime":439.108,"endTime":441.99,"body":"wider wave now. And, I'm just including"},{"startTime":442.022,"endTime":444.986,"body":"myself, right? I participated in all of them until"},{"startTime":445.03999999999996,"endTime":448.01,"body":"I decided, listen, this stuff is not working for me."},{"startTime":448.11199999999997,"endTime":451.07,"body":"I'm tired of spending dollars on things that"},{"startTime":451.092,"endTime":454.014,"body":"don't work and just really connecting,"},{"startTime":454.804,"endTime":457.63399999999996,"body":"with ways that honor you,"},{"startTime":458.654,"endTime":461.638,"body":"honor your nature and nurture"},{"startTime":461.686,"endTime":464.506,"body":"your nature. And I've been looking at what honors"},{"startTime":464.57,"endTime":467.15,"body":"me, right? Finding ways to work with the"},{"startTime":467.17199999999997,"endTime":469.976,"body":"existing structures, and making them"},{"startTime":470.03,"endTime":472.91999999999996,"body":"work for me. And many of us have"},{"startTime":472.942,"endTime":475.668,"body":"already done that. Maybe we find a recipe"},{"startTime":475.716,"endTime":478.52,"body":"and it's not exactly right for us and we tweak"},{"startTime":478.55199999999996,"endTime":481.116,"body":"it. I call us the"},{"startTime":481.16999999999996,"endTime":483.948,"body":"cosmic tweakers. And it's because"},{"startTime":484.14599999999996,"endTime":486.94,"body":"we have to find things that create success for"},{"startTime":486.962,"endTime":489.774,"body":"us and that create the results that we're looking for."},{"startTime":490.144,"endTime":492.976,"body":"I am all about transformation and you having"},{"startTime":493.03,"endTime":495.68,"body":"the results you're looking for in your life through leveraging the"},{"startTime":495.702,"endTime":498.06399999999996,"body":"superpowers and also other tools that I have."},{"startTime":498.13399999999996,"endTime":501.008,"body":"So this actually came from a member request"},{"startTime":501.056,"endTime":504.01,"body":"to talk about negotiation. just read"},{"startTime":504.11199999999997,"endTime":506.746,"body":"the material that has been written for"},{"startTime":506.8,"endTime":509.34999999999997,"body":"decades in popular trade"},{"startTime":509.382,"endTime":511.804,"body":"magazines like Cosmopolitan, for example."},{"startTime":551.974,"endTime":554.706,"body":"The information is the same, just with a different"},{"startTime":554.7600000000001,"endTime":556.9140000000001,"body":"twist. Nothing has changed."},{"startTime":557.734,"endTime":560.644,"body":"And so I'm going to talk about how to"},{"startTime":561.094,"endTime":563.714,"body":"create, collaborative,"},{"startTime":563.894,"endTime":566.7180000000001,"body":"engaging solutions when you're working with"},{"startTime":566.7560000000001,"endTime":569.47,"body":"other people. Just a refresher. The"},{"startTime":569.4920000000001,"endTime":571.8380000000001,"body":"relationship. Superpowers are fun,"},{"startTime":571.956,"endTime":574.878,"body":"freedom, love and belonging, power and"},{"startTime":574.916,"endTime":577.7500000000001,"body":"survival. And I am so grateful"},{"startTime":577.802,"endTime":580.244,"body":"for Dr. William Glasser and his,"},{"startTime":580.5640000000001,"endTime":583.4720000000001,"body":"work in reality therapy and choice theory,"},{"startTime":583.5680000000001,"endTime":586.2600000000001,"body":"which I talk a lot about. I'm not going to go into"},{"startTime":586.442,"endTime":589.2900000000001,"body":"a lot of it today. but"},{"startTime":589.392,"endTime":592.3140000000001,"body":"the crux of it is that we are always at choice."},{"startTime":592.6540000000001,"endTime":595.466,"body":"And for me, when I am aware of which"},{"startTime":595.5200000000001,"endTime":597.514,"body":"superpower is activated"},{"startTime":597.9340000000001,"endTime":600.908,"body":"or, is absent,"},{"startTime":601.056,"endTime":603.6400000000001,"body":"I can look at my choices from that"},{"startTime":603.662,"endTime":606.344,"body":"mindset, from that filter, from that framework."},{"startTime":607.1640000000001,"endTime":610.0240000000001,"body":"And so these are the five superpowers."},{"startTime":610.844,"endTime":613.5880000000001,"body":"Dr. Glasser calls these motivations or"},{"startTime":613.6460000000001,"endTime":616.4280000000001,"body":"needs. And what happens is, when"},{"startTime":616.466,"endTime":616.86,"body":"any of."},{"startTime":616.8820000000001,"endTime":619.58,"body":"These are activated, either a need or a"},{"startTime":619.6020000000001,"endTime":622.4440000000001,"body":"motivation is getting fulfilled, or it's not. It's present"},{"startTime":622.514,"endTime":625.288,"body":"or it's absent. And based on whether it's"},{"startTime":625.336,"endTime":628.0260000000001,"body":"present, and depending on which one of these"},{"startTime":628.08,"endTime":630.8900000000001,"body":"is our primary versus what I"},{"startTime":630.912,"endTime":633.738,"body":"call our kryptonite, the one that doesn't bring out the best in"},{"startTime":633.7760000000001,"endTime":636.7600000000001,"body":"us, or the one that is really a coping"},{"startTime":636.792,"endTime":639.3760000000001,"body":"mechanism or a crutch that we have learned over"},{"startTime":639.4300000000001,"endTime":642.114,"body":"time and it's worked for us."},{"startTime":643.2740000000001,"endTime":646.1500000000001,"body":"if you don't know what your superpower is,"},{"startTime":646.3320000000001,"endTime":648.6300000000001,"body":"go to drdar.com, drdar.com"},{"startTime":648.652,"endTime":651.5300000000001,"body":"and take the quiz. All right, so let's talk"},{"startTime":651.5520000000001,"endTime":653.4040000000001,"body":"about what negotiation is."},{"startTime":653.854,"endTime":656.806,"body":"Negotiation is really collaborating"},{"startTime":656.8700000000001,"endTime":659.498,"body":"with others while leveraging and"},{"startTime":659.5360000000001,"endTime":661.4660000000001,"body":"using and being aware of these five"},{"startTime":661.5200000000001,"endTime":664.0780000000001,"body":"superpowers. It is also"},{"startTime":664.1960000000001,"endTime":666.3980000000001,"body":"listening for and from the"},{"startTime":666.436,"endTime":669.07,"body":"superpowers. When you're listening for the"},{"startTime":669.0920000000001,"endTime":671.998,"body":"superpowers, you are paying attention to the"},{"startTime":672.0360000000001,"endTime":674.3500000000001,"body":"dynamics with people in the room, the"},{"startTime":674.3720000000001,"endTime":677.2780000000001,"body":"dynamics with your communication with"},{"startTime":677.316,"endTime":680.1580000000001,"body":"them. And you're listening for which"},{"startTime":680.1960000000001,"endTime":682.926,"body":"of the superpowers is present with each individual"},{"startTime":683.0600000000001,"endTime":685.7540000000001,"body":"or for those dynamics. You,"},{"startTime":686.0120000000001,"endTime":688.6700000000001,"body":"can tell from the meeting as a"},{"startTime":688.6920000000001,"endTime":691.5300000000001,"body":"relationship, just for the meeting as a container,"},{"startTime":691.642,"endTime":694.59,"body":"you can tell from each of the individuals in the"},{"startTime":694.6120000000001,"endTime":696.8000000000001,"body":"room, when you're listening for the"},{"startTime":696.8220000000001,"endTime":699.6480000000001,"body":"superpowers. And it doesn't mean"},{"startTime":699.686,"endTime":702.5000000000001,"body":"that the person equates to this. This is who"},{"startTime":702.522,"endTime":705.3480000000001,"body":"they are. This is just what's showing up in"},{"startTime":705.3860000000001,"endTime":708.2600000000001,"body":"that moment. Secondly, the other thing I"},{"startTime":708.282,"endTime":711.1240000000001,"body":"want to share with you is it could also"},{"startTime":711.1940000000001,"endTime":713.8960000000001,"body":"not have anything to do with that meeting. We"},{"startTime":713.95,"endTime":716.936,"body":"bring prior experiences with us."},{"startTime":716.9900000000001,"endTime":719.8480000000001,"body":"Our past follows us and"},{"startTime":719.8860000000001,"endTime":722.6440000000001,"body":"we keep it alive. And that is a choice. I have,"},{"startTime":722.6440000000001,"endTime":724.5840000000001,"body":"ah, learned that that is a choice."},{"startTime":725.724,"endTime":728.6840000000001,"body":"If something is bothering me, and it happened a year ago,"},{"startTime":728.7540000000001,"endTime":731.388,"body":"five years ago, ten years ago, those"},{"startTime":731.426,"endTime":734.0280000000001,"body":"individuals aren't making me think about it in this"},{"startTime":734.066,"endTime":737.0480000000001,"body":"moment. I am. I'm the one choosing"},{"startTime":737.0960000000001,"endTime":740.0000000000001,"body":"to bring that past here. And so I've done a lot of"},{"startTime":740.022,"endTime":742.9760000000001,"body":"work and I coach my clients on not"},{"startTime":743.0300000000001,"endTime":745.888,"body":"healing the past because there's nothing really to"},{"startTime":745.926,"endTime":748.7360000000001,"body":"heal, right. Past happened, stuff happened"},{"startTime":748.7900000000001,"endTime":751.5880000000001,"body":"to you, people did stuff to you, you did"},{"startTime":751.6260000000001,"endTime":754.2940000000001,"body":"stuff to them. And we carried it forward."},{"startTime":754.8240000000001,"endTime":757.6360000000001,"body":"And what I do is I unpack what"},{"startTime":757.69,"endTime":760.4680000000001,"body":"happened in the past from what we"},{"startTime":760.5060000000001,"endTime":763.2,"body":"attach to it, from these superpowers. We"},{"startTime":763.2420000000001,"endTime":766.0400000000001,"body":"attach some sort of value and meaning to"},{"startTime":766.0620000000001,"endTime":768.6800000000001,"body":"it, or lack or worth"},{"startTime":768.782,"endTime":771.6400000000001,"body":"or unworthiness to it, and then we carry it"},{"startTime":771.662,"endTime":774.5680000000001,"body":"forward. So I work with my clients to not"},{"startTime":774.6060000000001,"endTime":777.2600000000001,"body":"heal the past, not make peace with the"},{"startTime":777.282,"endTime":779.9320000000001,"body":"past, but honor their past"},{"startTime":780.0980000000001,"endTime":781.854,"body":"and leave it in the past."},{"startTime":782.7040000000001,"endTime":785.58,"body":"So, I went on that tangent because I want"},{"startTime":785.6020000000001,"endTime":788.316,"body":"you to understand that people, when you're engaging with them,"},{"startTime":788.45,"endTime":791.1680000000001,"body":"it is personal because you're engaging with them, but it's not"},{"startTime":791.2060000000001,"endTime":794.0000000000001,"body":"about you. They're bringing their stuff to the"},{"startTime":794.022,"endTime":796.8480000000001,"body":"conversation. And I'm inviting you to just make it"},{"startTime":796.8860000000001,"endTime":799.8760000000001,"body":"about the conversation, not any other"},{"startTime":799.9300000000001,"endTime":802.6400000000001,"body":"stuff. Okay? All right, so that's"},{"startTime":802.6720000000001,"endTime":805.09,"body":"what listening for is. and from the"},{"startTime":805.1120000000001,"endTime":808.0300000000001,"body":"superpowers is about, then it's about connection,"},{"startTime":808.142,"endTime":810.9580000000001,"body":"using the superpowers. So when you're"},{"startTime":811.0060000000001,"endTime":813.9420000000001,"body":"negotiating or you're looking to find common"},{"startTime":814.0280000000001,"endTime":816.8700000000001,"body":"ground in a community or with a group or with"},{"startTime":816.892,"endTime":819.7980000000001,"body":"an individual, you've got to be aware of which"},{"startTime":819.8360000000001,"endTime":822.4380000000001,"body":"superpowers are at play. And consider"},{"startTime":822.556,"endTime":825.546,"body":"that when things feel off"},{"startTime":825.6000000000001,"endTime":828.5540000000001,"body":"or out of alignment or that person is charged,"},{"startTime":829.854,"endTime":832.7460000000001,"body":"there's a need not getting met"},{"startTime":832.8000000000001,"endTime":835.7860000000001,"body":"for them. They're reacting and responding to something"},{"startTime":835.84,"endTime":838.83,"body":"that has nothing to do with you, but it has something to"},{"startTime":838.8520000000001,"endTime":841.5980000000001,"body":"do with the conversation and whatever's going on with"},{"startTime":841.6360000000001,"endTime":844.5580000000001,"body":"them. So you've got to create connection through your"},{"startTime":844.5960000000001,"endTime":846.5100000000001,"body":"awareness and listening for and from the"},{"startTime":846.532,"endTime":849.2,"body":"superpowers. so you're doing this in the"},{"startTime":849.2220000000001,"endTime":851.9680000000001,"body":"background. You're also going to be"},{"startTime":852.0860000000001,"endTime":854.6560000000001,"body":"identifying differences or voids, those"},{"startTime":854.71,"endTime":856.998,"body":"disconnects, those moments of, lack of"},{"startTime":857.0360000000001,"endTime":859.6980000000001,"body":"alignment. And the lack of alignment isn't"},{"startTime":859.7460000000001,"endTime":862.71,"body":"about you. It isn't about the situation. It's"},{"startTime":862.7420000000001,"endTime":865.59,"body":"that we are in one of these superpower"},{"startTime":865.7020000000001,"endTime":868.5380000000001,"body":"stages or states of being. And"},{"startTime":868.5760000000001,"endTime":871.2740000000001,"body":"there's not alignment with"},{"startTime":871.4240000000001,"endTime":874.2860000000001,"body":"whichever superpower they're activated in."},{"startTime":874.34,"endTime":877.3260000000001,"body":"Right? So for example, if I'm in"},{"startTime":877.3800000000001,"endTime":879.984,"body":"power mode and I'm just looking"},{"startTime":880.354,"endTime":883.2460000000001,"body":"to drive to the end and get stuff"},{"startTime":883.3000000000001,"endTime":886.0780000000001,"body":"done, for example, there are many ways power shows up."},{"startTime":886.1160000000001,"endTime":888.6240000000001,"body":"Okay, I'm just using this as one example."},{"startTime":888.9340000000001,"endTime":891.902,"body":"If I'm in that mode and a person's in, I just want"},{"startTime":891.9240000000001,"endTime":894.6220000000001,"body":"to be free. I want to make choices, I want to"},{"startTime":894.6440000000001,"endTime":897.5820000000001,"body":"have input to the dialogue. You"},{"startTime":897.604,"endTime":899.9180000000001,"body":"can see how that becomes an out of alignment"},{"startTime":899.9820000000001,"endTime":902.7700000000001,"body":"situation. And negotiation is going to be"},{"startTime":902.8080000000001,"endTime":905.7740000000001,"body":"hard. Hearing each other is going to be hard when we're"},{"startTime":905.7900000000001,"endTime":906.9460000000001,"body":"out of alignment."},{"startTime":908.8860000000001,"endTime":911.638,"body":"So that's what identifying the differences or voids are."},{"startTime":911.6920000000001,"endTime":914.2300000000001,"body":"Then you're going to find commonality and"},{"startTime":914.2680000000001,"endTime":916.9460000000001,"body":"alignment. And you can only do that by listening,"},{"startTime":917.1060000000001,"endTime":919.7980000000001,"body":"by really hearing them and talking"},{"startTime":919.8520000000001,"endTime":922.6160000000001,"body":"about, hey, I'm noticing that"},{"startTime":923.066,"endTime":926.042,"body":"you are charged and I'm starting to get charged. Let's talk"},{"startTime":926.0640000000001,"endTime":928.8580000000001,"body":"about what that's about and what started that,"},{"startTime":928.912,"endTime":931.69,"body":"what ignited that charge and what needs we"},{"startTime":931.7280000000001,"endTime":934.4760000000001,"body":"think aren't getting met. and having"},{"startTime":934.546,"endTime":937.5060000000001,"body":"that type of conversation is amazing."},{"startTime":937.8760000000001,"endTime":940.8320000000001,"body":"Oftentimes I find when we know we're going into a"},{"startTime":940.854,"endTime":943.3600000000001,"body":"negotiating type of meeting or"},{"startTime":943.3980000000001,"endTime":946.32,"body":"engagement, or people perceive that they are, or"},{"startTime":946.3580000000001,"endTime":949.3120000000001,"body":"they perceive they're going to be a doormat, or they perceive that they're going to have"},{"startTime":949.3340000000001,"endTime":952.2120000000001,"body":"to give in or they're not going to win. Because we live in a"},{"startTime":952.234,"endTime":954.868,"body":"culture of winning. And negotiation is not about"},{"startTime":954.9220000000001,"endTime":957.9080000000001,"body":"winning, it's about collaboration. Right? It's about these"},{"startTime":957.9620000000001,"endTime":960.6000000000001,"body":"things. And this is where the magic is"},{"startTime":960.638,"endTime":962.6960000000001,"body":"finding commonality and alignment."},{"startTime":963.5160000000001,"endTime":966.2520000000001,"body":"So, when you're out of alignment, it"},{"startTime":966.2740000000001,"endTime":969.2280000000001,"body":"creates issues and you've got to listen"},{"startTime":969.282,"endTime":972.1840000000001,"body":"for that and have that conversation. When you notice that"},{"startTime":972.21,"endTime":974.9280000000001,"body":"alignment is lacking. And once you take"},{"startTime":974.9820000000001,"endTime":977.3760000000001,"body":"the time and the presence"},{"startTime":977.8760000000001,"endTime":980.7200000000001,"body":"and have the compassion and understanding and"},{"startTime":980.758,"endTime":983.5500000000001,"body":"love, regardless of what state you and others"},{"startTime":983.5880000000001,"endTime":985.998,"body":"are in, just shift to that neutral"},{"startTime":986.0620000000001,"endTime":989.0580000000001,"body":"space so that you can create all of this"},{"startTime":989.1120000000001,"endTime":992.0500000000001,"body":"and have all of this. But when all of this"},{"startTime":992.0880000000001,"endTime":994.9420000000001,"body":"is present, then you can find commonality"},{"startTime":994.974,"endTime":997.5280000000001,"body":"and alignment. so let's talk about what negotiation is"},{"startTime":997.566,"endTime":1000.3480000000001,"body":"not. It's not about being a doormat. It's not"},{"startTime":1000.3860000000001,"endTime":1002.9040000000001,"body":"about them getting their way or the highway."},{"startTime":1003.0640000000001,"endTime":1005.868,"body":"It's not about you getting your way all the"},{"startTime":1005.9060000000001,"endTime":1008.8960000000001,"body":"way. It's not about pushing others to see it your"},{"startTime":1008.95,"endTime":1010.7200000000001,"body":"way or their way."},{"startTime":1010.902,"endTime":1013.5360000000001,"body":"And it's not about rejection. It's not about you being"},{"startTime":1013.59,"endTime":1016.5280000000001,"body":"rejected. Can you see the distinctions here"},{"startTime":1016.566,"endTime":1017.104,"body":"now."},{"startTime":1017.2540000000001,"endTime":1019.5540000000001,"body":"That'S so different from this?"},{"startTime":1020.2440000000001,"endTime":1022.6880000000001,"body":"We've been taught negotiation is"},{"startTime":1022.7260000000001,"endTime":1025.724,"body":"about somebody else winning. And one of"},{"startTime":1025.734,"endTime":1026.964,"body":"the other losing."},{"startTime":1027.384,"endTime":1030.032,"body":"Winning for me is collaboration. It's"},{"startTime":1030.048,"endTime":1032.9,"body":"about everyone getting a piece of"},{"startTime":1032.922,"endTime":1034.726,"body":"the pie. someone."},{"startTime":1034.8600000000001,"endTime":1037.25,"body":"And if you think about a pie, now that I'm on that"},{"startTime":1037.292,"endTime":1040.138,"body":"tangent, when you think about a pie, there might be"},{"startTime":1040.176,"endTime":1042.506,"body":"five people and the pie is cut into five"},{"startTime":1042.56,"endTime":1045.386,"body":"pieces, but there's going to be one or two people"},{"startTime":1045.44,"endTime":1048.43,"body":"who don't want a whole slice, right?"},{"startTime":1048.612,"endTime":1051.55,"body":"So they get a small piece of the pie, there's someone else that"},{"startTime":1051.5720000000001,"endTime":1054.186,"body":"might want seconds and so they get seconds."},{"startTime":1054.33,"endTime":1057.198,"body":"That's just how it works. And"},{"startTime":1057.236,"endTime":1060.018,"body":"so it's not about winning and"},{"startTime":1060.056,"endTime":1062.99,"body":"losing, it's just not about that. It's"},{"startTime":1063.022,"endTime":1065.666,"body":"all about collaborating and"},{"startTime":1065.72,"endTime":1068.354,"body":"connecting and finding commonality."},{"startTime":1068.694,"endTime":1071.558,"body":"And sure, you might get some things you want and"},{"startTime":1071.596,"endTime":1074.166,"body":"they might get some things they want. That"},{"startTime":1074.22,"endTime":1076.818,"body":"creates long lasting relationships."},{"startTime":1076.9460000000001,"endTime":1079.558,"body":"And over time, that is a very"},{"startTime":1079.596,"endTime":1082.584,"body":"powerful way of living and being in community."},{"startTime":1083.034,"endTime":1085.846,"body":"And I feel like our world has lost"},{"startTime":1085.91,"endTime":1088.438,"body":"that way. This whole winning, losing"},{"startTime":1088.486,"endTime":1091.462,"body":"mindset, it's a left brain mindset. Again, you don't"},{"startTime":1091.478,"endTime":1094.266,"body":"have to look far to see how that is not"},{"startTime":1094.32,"endTime":1096.73,"body":"sustainable. It creates damaged"},{"startTime":1096.762,"endTime":1099.55,"body":"relationships over time and it's just not worth it."},{"startTime":1099.652,"endTime":1101.934,"body":"And it's exhausting and stressful."},{"startTime":1103.314,"endTime":1106.224,"body":"So that's what negotiation is, not."},{"startTime":1106.7540000000001,"endTime":1108.884,"body":"Now here are some tips for you."},{"startTime":1109.734,"endTime":1112.4180000000001,"body":"One or more of the superpowers are always in"},{"startTime":1112.4560000000001,"endTime":1112.7540000000001,"body":"play."},{"startTime":1112.824,"endTime":1115.458,"body":"They're always in motion and they're always on"},{"startTime":1115.496,"endTime":1118.45,"body":"display outwardly, whether we know it"},{"startTime":1118.5520000000001,"endTime":1121.1100000000001,"body":"or aware of it, or accept it or"},{"startTime":1121.132,"endTime":1123.544,"body":"acknowledge it or not. Okay?"},{"startTime":1124.154,"endTime":1127.01,"body":"So there are several states of being that we're"},{"startTime":1127.042,"endTime":1129.318,"body":"in when we're exhibiting our"},{"startTime":1129.356,"endTime":1130.534,"body":"superpowers."},{"startTime":1132.384,"endTime":1134.5140000000001,"body":"there's a dominating state where"},{"startTime":1135.364,"endTime":1138.338,"body":"my body posture is really big, my"},{"startTime":1138.376,"endTime":1141.278,"body":"voice is strong and I'm"},{"startTime":1141.326,"endTime":1143.7740000000001,"body":"projecting it, but it's in a dominating"},{"startTime":1143.854,"endTime":1144.484,"body":"way."},{"startTime":1145.174,"endTime":1148.118,"body":"The with state is a sharing state. Yeah,"},{"startTime":1148.156,"endTime":1150.934,"body":"we're sharing information, we're sharing space"},{"startTime":1151.0040000000001,"endTime":1152.95,"body":"with each other, but there's still a."},{"startTime":1152.972,"endTime":1155.91,"body":"Dynamic of my way or I'm thinking about"},{"startTime":1155.932,"endTime":1158.79,"body":"the things that I want. When"},{"startTime":1158.812,"endTime":1161.378,"body":"it comes to negotiation, the dominating"},{"startTime":1161.426,"endTime":1164.282,"body":"state is all about my own wants. And if the"},{"startTime":1164.288,"endTime":1167.076,"body":"other person's in that state as well, it can create"},{"startTime":1167.1299999999999,"endTime":1169.904,"body":"conflict. Right. It's not going to be a good meeting or a"},{"startTime":1169.994,"endTime":1172.474,"body":"pleasant experience, with"},{"startTime":1173.404,"endTime":1175.9279999999999,"body":"a few shades better, as an"},{"startTime":1175.966,"endTime":1178.808,"body":"experience. But all parties are still"},{"startTime":1178.846,"endTime":1180.664,"body":"thinking from a me perspective."},{"startTime":1181.584,"endTime":1184.396,"body":"then there's the within state and this is the ideal state,"},{"startTime":1184.45,"endTime":1187.388,"body":"right. That's the awareness state. That's where we"},{"startTime":1187.426,"endTime":1190.378,"body":"are aware of each other. we are aware"},{"startTime":1190.426,"endTime":1193.1979999999999,"body":"of their wants and"},{"startTime":1193.2359999999999,"endTime":1195.932,"body":"my wants. and we're aware of the"},{"startTime":1195.9379999999999,"endTime":1198.812,"body":"superpowers that are at play and we can shift and"},{"startTime":1198.818,"endTime":1201.66,"body":"we can talk about what's happening in the moment."},{"startTime":1201.8419999999999,"endTime":1204.768,"body":"And then we shift to the being state. And the being state is where"},{"startTime":1204.806,"endTime":1207.52,"body":"connection happens, but it can only happen when we shift to a"},{"startTime":1207.542,"endTime":1209.874,"body":"within state. Now"},{"startTime":1210.324,"endTime":1212.656,"body":"when we're negotiating and somebody is over"},{"startTime":1212.71,"endTime":1215.664,"body":"here, we can choose to mirror it,"},{"startTime":1215.734,"endTime":1218.628,"body":"which is what people have been taught to do, is"},{"startTime":1218.666,"endTime":1221.408,"body":"to mirror it. and then conflict"},{"startTime":1221.456,"endTime":1224.324,"body":"happens, tension happens, contention happens, or someone"},{"startTime":1224.394,"endTime":1227.06,"body":"just gives in. Look at the"},{"startTime":1227.0819999999999,"endTime":1229.6879999999999,"body":"bullies of the world, right? You see what happens. It's not"},{"startTime":1229.7259999999999,"endTime":1232.538,"body":"sustainable, and people"},{"startTime":1232.576,"endTime":1235.324,"body":"come away not feeling good. And over time,"},{"startTime":1236.334,"endTime":1238.2839999999999,"body":"it's not a lasting relationship."},{"startTime":1239.694,"endTime":1242.598,"body":"You can shift, if someone is in the over state,"},{"startTime":1242.656,"endTime":1245.278,"body":"the dominating state, you can just shift your"},{"startTime":1245.316,"endTime":1248.094,"body":"energy, shift your mindset, shift your body"},{"startTime":1248.164,"endTime":1251.066,"body":"posture to a with state and relax."},{"startTime":1251.1299999999999,"endTime":1253.55,"body":"And you will notice them do the"},{"startTime":1253.572,"endTime":1254.144,"body":"same."},{"startTime":1254.834,"endTime":1257.714,"body":"If you go in with that overstate, they're going to match"},{"startTime":1257.7839999999999,"endTime":1260.002,"body":"you. If you relax, then they're going to."},{"startTime":1260.008,"endTime":1261.282,"body":"Do the same thing."},{"startTime":1261.4479999999999,"endTime":1263.9379999999999,"body":"Just notice it, stay in this"},{"startTime":1263.9759999999999,"endTime":1266.93,"body":"state. And once you've mastered"},{"startTime":1266.962,"endTime":1269.846,"body":"that, then shift to this state and it's even more"},{"startTime":1269.8999999999999,"endTime":1272.8,"body":"relaxed. it's more of a silent posture, it's more of a"},{"startTime":1272.822,"endTime":1275.474,"body":"listening posture. It's about"},{"startTime":1276.824,"endTime":1279.652,"body":"talking about needs and wants and"},{"startTime":1279.818,"endTime":1282.374,"body":"what your company is looking for, what"},{"startTime":1282.744,"endTime":1285.542,"body":"your personal and professional, needs are."},{"startTime":1285.752,"endTime":1288.224,"body":"and stating, I understand these are yours."},{"startTime":1288.288,"endTime":1291.204,"body":"Let's find a way to where we both get our needs"},{"startTime":1291.258,"endTime":1294.248,"body":"met. That doesn't mean I'm looking for my way. I"},{"startTime":1294.27,"endTime":1297.192,"body":"don't think you're looking for your way, but let's find"},{"startTime":1297.262,"endTime":1300.212,"body":"a way that works. Given the constraints and the concerns"},{"startTime":1300.292,"endTime":1303.148,"body":"that you have that are valid and the concerns I have that are"},{"startTime":1303.17,"endTime":1306.088,"body":"valid, that's a within. Once you shift"},{"startTime":1306.12,"endTime":1309.036,"body":"to here, then you can create connection and then you"},{"startTime":1309.074,"endTime":1312.018,"body":"create, desired results from this place. This"},{"startTime":1312.04,"endTime":1314.6779999999999,"body":"is where the magic happens is right here."},{"startTime":1314.86,"endTime":1317.75,"body":"I don't like to call them solutions, I really call them"},{"startTime":1317.836,"endTime":1320.29,"body":"desired results because even solutions"},{"startTime":1320.466,"endTime":1323.366,"body":"implies multiple ways of doing"},{"startTime":1323.404,"endTime":1326.278,"body":"it. But I think the mindset is someone is going"},{"startTime":1326.3,"endTime":1328.906,"body":"to choose which one, right? But in this"},{"startTime":1328.944,"endTime":1331.802,"body":"mindset, what I call the love mindset,"},{"startTime":1332.142,"endTime":1335.098,"body":"or if you don't want to use the word love, you can use the"},{"startTime":1335.12,"endTime":1338.006,"body":"collaborative mindset or the connecting mindset."},{"startTime":1338.134,"endTime":1341.066,"body":"When this happens, you're hearing each other and you're finding ways"},{"startTime":1341.104,"endTime":1343.962,"body":"to meet in the middle. There may be things you can't answer,"},{"startTime":1344.032,"endTime":1346.958,"body":"they might be other people that you have to speak with. You can"},{"startTime":1346.98,"endTime":1349.886,"body":"just state that. Listen, I would love to make that choice right now for"},{"startTime":1349.924,"endTime":1352.798,"body":"you, for us to move forward in this, but I have to talk to"},{"startTime":1352.82,"endTime":1355.7259999999999,"body":"so and so and so and so and get their approval. And"},{"startTime":1355.764,"endTime":1358.626,"body":"please know that it may be a no, but it might be a yes"},{"startTime":1358.664,"endTime":1361.636,"body":"as well. and know that I've got yours and our best"},{"startTime":1361.674,"endTime":1364.232,"body":"interest at heart when I go have that conversation."},{"startTime":1364.572,"endTime":1367.1879999999999,"body":"Do you see how that creates connection and it's"},{"startTime":1367.22,"endTime":1367.802,"body":"within."},{"startTime":1369.052,"endTime":1370.984,"body":"So there's a lot that goes into."},{"startTime":1371.038,"endTime":1373.722,"body":"Negotiation and collaborating with others."},{"startTime":1374.072,"endTime":1376.846,"body":"this is a mini lesson, so it's very"},{"startTime":1376.884,"endTime":1379.858,"body":"challenging to go much deeper than this. I hope this"},{"startTime":1379.8799999999999,"endTime":1382.514,"body":"is of value to you. And if you want to learn"},{"startTime":1382.568,"endTime":1385.296,"body":"more, join my Facebook group. I know some of you"},{"startTime":1385.334,"endTime":1388.228,"body":"probably already are in my Facebook group, and if"},{"startTime":1388.25,"endTime":1389.942,"body":"you want to have"},{"startTime":1390.952,"endTime":1393.222,"body":"a more group coaching type"},{"startTime":1393.752,"endTime":1396.484,"body":"master class on negotiating where"},{"startTime":1396.538,"endTime":1399.508,"body":"we will use your examples from your life. You"},{"startTime":1399.53,"endTime":1402.516,"body":"don't have to use names. It'll be a private community and"},{"startTime":1402.5539999999999,"endTime":1405.4959999999999,"body":"a private class. Post in the comments that you would"},{"startTime":1405.5339999999999,"endTime":1408.184,"body":"like to have a class on that I will also"},{"startTime":1408.238,"endTime":1411.18,"body":"record it. But when, we're talking about people, it's really"},{"startTime":1411.25,"endTime":1413.9959999999999,"body":"great to have your experiences and"},{"startTime":1414.018,"endTime":1416.8799999999999,"body":"your examples. And that's how people learn."},{"startTime":1417.03,"endTime":1419.868,"body":"That's how we can implement, that's how we can take action,"},{"startTime":1419.964,"endTime":1422.864,"body":"that's how we can create desired results with things."},{"startTime":1423.062,"endTime":1425.728,"body":"What I love about these models is they're really simple"},{"startTime":1425.798,"endTime":1428.728,"body":"to apply. We're going to get in there, we're going to talk. We're"},{"startTime":1428.748,"endTime":1431.652,"body":"going to talk about negotiating. You're going to bring some of your"},{"startTime":1431.69,"endTime":1434.164,"body":"experiences from the past that are still staying with"},{"startTime":1434.186,"endTime":1437.056,"body":"you or something that you're going to be dealing with in"},{"startTime":1437.0819999999999,"endTime":1440.072,"body":"the future or something that you dream of negotiating or"},{"startTime":1440.068,"endTime":1442.858,"body":"collaborating and you just haven't had the ability"},{"startTime":1442.922,"endTime":1445.376,"body":"or the courage or the tools to do it."},{"startTime":1447.9859999999999,"endTime":1450.674,"body":"The superpowers are magic. They really"},{"startTime":1450.76,"endTime":1453.67,"body":"are. And they're all"},{"startTime":1453.708,"endTime":1456.3899999999999,"body":"about relating, they're all about connecting or"},{"startTime":1456.4279999999999,"endTime":1459.426,"body":"disconnecting from others and ourselves."},{"startTime":1459.586,"endTime":1462.41,"body":"And they're really simple to use. I"},{"startTime":1462.4479999999999,"endTime":1465.126,"body":"have spent over two decades"},{"startTime":1465.206,"endTime":1468.114,"body":"reading and learning, participating in all kinds of"},{"startTime":1468.12,"endTime":1469.906,"body":"different coaching methodologies."},{"startTime":1470.936,"endTime":1473.7,"body":"still am. I'm a lifelong learner, but I find"},{"startTime":1473.738,"endTime":1476.44,"body":"myself always coming back to this and being at"},{"startTime":1476.478,"endTime":1479.35,"body":"choice, and using this model that you see"},{"startTime":1479.388,"endTime":1482.1019999999999,"body":"on this page. Combined with the superpowers, it"},{"startTime":1482.124,"endTime":1482.71,"body":"applies to."},{"startTime":1482.748,"endTime":1484.3899999999999,"body":"Everything in our lives."},{"startTime":1484.588,"endTime":1487.452,"body":"So, go and take the quiz if you haven't, it's at"},{"startTime":1487.474,"endTime":1490.266,"body":"drdar.com. so that you can identify what your"},{"startTime":1490.32,"endTime":1493.146,"body":"primary superpower is and what your"},{"startTime":1493.2,"endTime":1496.122,"body":"kryptonite is. And your kryptonite is, the, ah, the,"},{"startTime":1496.144,"endTime":1498.87,"body":"the one superpower that absolutely doesn't"},{"startTime":1498.918,"endTime":1501.85,"body":"operate as, as a feel good, highest good"},{"startTime":1501.888,"endTime":1502.73,"body":"superpower for."}]}