Today we're talking about being wishy washy, flaky, indecisive, pivoting and what really brought me to this is I have changed my podcast title and name and, images probably four or five times in the last few years, and I've launched and relaunched and launched and relaunched, and here I am now. I feel grounded and really landing on the name stress free living as the podcast name. if you go to the earlier episodes, you'll notice that it started out as the conscious life or conscious living podcast. So I think it's really appropriate for me to talk about being wishy washy, flaky, indecisive and pivoting. Let's start first with what these words mean. I am a big fan of the dictionary, and I tend to prefer the Oxford or Cambridge versions. They just seem to be, more concise and more clear when it comes to words and their meanings. When I share the meaning of words, I just feel like it provides a framework and a grounding and a, same platform or, same space for us to talk and share with each other and me to share with you, what the words mean. So, being wishy washy means lacking in firm ideas, principles, or the ability to make a decision. It also means having no color, firm ideas, principles, or noticeable qualities of any type. The word flaky means liable to act in an unconventional or eccentric way. I love that definition. Here's where I think people use the word flaky, and apply it to people when it's not really an appropriate use of the word, and that is when it comes to equipment, hardware or software, the word flaky means prone to breakdown or unreliable. It's not intended to apply to people. It's really about, a, product, technology, software or hardware. Flaky also in this context is about skin or dry skin or condition, of dandruff on your head or, pastry dough. The, meaning is breaking or separating easily into flakes. Flaky also means behaving in a way that is strange, not responsible, or not expected. The word indecisive means not providing a clear and definite result. And when it's, related or used in context of a person, it means not able to make decisions quickly and effectively. The word pivot means a fixed point supporting something which turns or balances, or when used, in context of a human being or person. it means a person or thing on which something else depends on. Pivot also means to turn or twist. It is also a fixed point supporting something that turns or balances. And here's one of my favorite ones related to the word pivot. It's the central or most important person or thing in a situation. I've been told that I was flaky and indecisive and wishy washy at, ah, various times in my life, in work situations, by people who perceived me to be that way and perceived, me to be that way. yeah. And part of this is because I love bright colors, I love nature, I love trees, I love tie dye. I believe in energy and the things that are unseen, that magic that happens in the intangibles. I love metaphysics, planetary and universal influences and other, what are considered esoteric methodologies. Excuse me. So you get the gist. I didn't fit the exact corporate or school or other systemic molds of what a person should be like at all these times. So here's what happened. People made assumptions based on their interpretations, or what they had been told, or what they learned or what they saw. They made meaning out of it before even really getting to know me or knowing me. Those are also what I call judgments or criticisms. And then I spent a large part of my life conforming, altering myself, wearing clothes, or doing my best to fit into these communities or systems. Until one day I didn't. The reason why is because it was exhausting to be like everyone else. yeah, it had an impact on me mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. And so here's what I've unlearned about, being flaky, wishy washy, indecisive. And I've also learned. So I've unlearned the criticisms, the judgments and interpretations and assumptions and perceptions that other people have of me. And in a minute I'll tell you why I have unlearned and removed all of those things that other people, well, actually that I allowed other people to place on me. And then I reacted or responded or did something, that's contrary, or not necessarily, aligned with who I am, my values, and how I show up in the world. Now, here's what I've learned about being flaky, wishy washy and indecisive. Who is responsible? I'm not responsible for other people's perceptions. It really bothers me. I mean, this is a hot button for me. And a pet peeve this, happens a lot in the workplace where, in training or during performance reviews or whatever. You've got to manage perceptions. You've got to manage their perceptions. It's such a pet peeve of mine. And here's why. I'm going to repeat what I just said. I am not responsible for other people's perceptions. They are their perceptions that they created, either by making assumptions, judgments, trying to conform, or it's learned behavior in a group setting or an individual setting. I cannot work on other people's perceptions of me. All I can do is have conversations with them, allow the space for us to learn about and get to know each other and find ways where we have commonality and love the differences that we have, and navigate, when those differences become, create conflict or navigate in a way that leverages each other's differences. Being wishywashy, flaky or indecisive. Indecisive is not who I am or who you are. It is simply a point in time where there's a state of doubt or uncertainty in a particular situation or with certain relationships. I have to tell you that in my own life. And whenever my clients receive this feedback, they take it to heart, not realizing that the feedback is not representative of who they are, and it's devastating to them as it was for me. I invite you to replace the words wishywashy, flaky, and indecisive with the word uncertain or pivoting or pivot. Those words are way more self empowering for you to use and less open to judgment, in my opinion. So when others use these words or you hear someone say something about that to you, just say, I prefer the word uncertain or pivot in this particular situation, I will get back to you, and I'm going to share a little bit more, around what to say in the situation. Before you take the criticism to heart and go and change a bunch of stuff in your life and in yourself, I want you to see this as a gift. Being indecisive, flaky, or wishy washy in any situation is really your built in safety mechanism that you naturally have. Please don't shut it out. I feel like I have spent a lot of time shutting that part of me, down to where my body, found other ways to cope or respond or react automatically, probably in ways that I'm not even aware of. And so see it as a gift. If you find yourself feeling or being uncertain or doubtful, it's okay. Recognize. It's a gift. Recognize it's a signal to you to pay attention and to not take action in that moment. Being uncertain in various situations, reflecting back, I noticed when I was uncertain. by the way, this is another word similar to, being indecisive that I'm using here. I would just talk. I would just talk in an attempt to arrive at an answer and never really land on one. And what I've seen or learned is that resulted in frustration or, judgment, comparison, whatever words, show up for that person who really was looking for a direct or a specific answer that they weren't receiving or getting, then I pivoted. Here's the missing piece. I realized that I can be clear in my communication. When someone wants a direct answer, then I simply cannot give them. Or when I'm uncertain about it in that moment, I could say, and can say something like, I sense or hear you wanting a direct answer or a specific answer right now, but I really need to think about it and get back to you. Or you could say, I need some time to process this, and I'll get back to you. When do you have to have an answer? And if that time limit is too short, say you'll do your best. you'll do your best. All right, so your one step. I always love or do my best to provide one step that you can take when, you're finding yourself in this space of, being uncertain, being in doubt or not being able to make a decision or make a choice. And your one step is to recognize when you're uncertain or cannot give someone an answer. See it as a gift. Inform them that you need time to process or think about it. Let them know when you'll get back to them, and they'll let you know if they need it sooner. And you can adjust your need for time to process it from there. Also remember when you're being this way, indecisive. Wishy, washy. Flaky, whatever word you want to use. Uncertain. Doubtful. Or doubtful. People tend to generalize when they give you the feedback and the way it's communicated. When you get that feedback or criticism, it's communicated in this way. You are wishywashy, you are indecisive. You are flaky. you can't make a decision. And there's the danger, there's the reason, why we take it on as part of our personality and a flaw in our personality or as a weakness. And so when someone says that, I would say something like, I get that I'm being that way in this situation. I do not own that I'm that way all the time. You can say that to yourself, or you can say that out loudly to them. Not loudly, but you can share that with them. Or just simply say, I get and understand why I am showing up that way in this situation. And then your body, the energy, your mood, your mind, your emotions, you're not taking it on as the statement you are XYZ. You are this way. What happens when people say it that way? Or when we say something like that to other people? We take it on as a general, piece, of criticism. And then we take it so personally and to heart, and then we go about either making changes or it debilitates us. so when people say you are followed by a bunch of words that don't feel good, it is really important that you say I own that in this situation and it's because I'm uncertain and I can't give you an answer right now. And when you verbalize that your body, your mind, your emotions, physical, mental, emotionally and spiritually, you won't take on the energy of a flaw in your person personality. That was a little bit more than one step, but I, hope this is helpful to you in your own life and relationships. Please let me know if it has been helpful or the ways you've handled, situations like this in your own life and relationships.