{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Intro","startTime":90.95,"endTime":93.762,"body":"Welcome to the Better Relationships podcast, where"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Intro","startTime":93.816,"endTime":96.542,"body":"Dr. Dar Hawks, the relationship healer,"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Intro","startTime":96.606,"endTime":99.52199999999999,"body":"shares the advice and insights you need to create"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Intro","startTime":99.576,"endTime":102.45,"body":"the healthy, happy and harmonious relationship"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Intro","startTime":102.6,"endTime":103.81,"body":"you deserve."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":111.59,"endTime":114.354,"body":"Welcome to episode 33 of the"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":114.392,"endTime":116.57,"body":"Better Relationships podcast."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":117.15,"endTime":119.786,"body":"My topic today covers the signs a"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":119.80799999999999,"endTime":121.85,"body":"marriage cannot be saved."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":122.91,"endTime":125.354,"body":"When small things get on your nerves in your"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":125.392,"endTime":128.174,"body":"relationship, it's really easy to sweep them"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":128.212,"endTime":130.84199999999998,"body":"under the rug, but when they pile"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":130.906,"endTime":133.662,"body":"up, they become this giant boulder under"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":133.716,"endTime":136.442,"body":"that rug that can no longer be ignored"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":136.506,"endTime":139.24599999999998,"body":"or avoided. Admitting your"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":139.268,"endTime":141.966,"body":"marriage has problems is challenging"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":142.078,"endTime":144.914,"body":"and so hard to do, but"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":144.952,"endTime":147.598,"body":"when you keep running into that boulder, it's"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":147.694,"endTime":150.26,"body":"almost impossible to ignore it."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":151.35,"endTime":153.478,"body":"I believe a healthy relationship"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":153.644,"endTime":156.434,"body":"requires becoming and being a healthy"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":156.482,"endTime":159.36599999999999,"body":"partner where you've invested self growth and"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":159.388,"endTime":161.32999999999998,"body":"inner work to be emotionally,"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":161.49,"endTime":163.586,"body":"financially, mentally,"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":163.69799999999998,"endTime":166.53,"body":"physically, relationally and legally"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":166.61,"endTime":169.498,"body":"healthy. There's a lot to unpack in each of"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":169.50400000000002,"endTime":172.314,"body":"these areas of personal health and well being, but"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":172.352,"endTime":175.19400000000002,"body":"I do think and feel that you'll understand what"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":175.232,"endTime":178.094,"body":"I'm saying and mean by that. I also"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":178.132,"endTime":180.702,"body":"want to note that each of those areas are very"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":180.756,"endTime":183.55,"body":"unique to each person and each couple"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":183.7,"endTime":186.602,"body":"because we all have varying degrees"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":186.74599999999998,"endTime":189.71800000000002,"body":"of emotional, financial, mental, physical,"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":189.834,"endTime":191.78,"body":"relational and legal needs."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":192.70999999999998,"endTime":195.406,"body":"Having a healthy relationship mindset"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":195.518,"endTime":197.598,"body":"is about having selfrespect,"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":197.69400000000002,"endTime":200.498,"body":"esteem, acceptance and love."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":200.664,"endTime":202.85399999999998,"body":"When you have a healthy relationship"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":202.97199999999998,"endTime":205.814,"body":"mindset for yourself, you can then"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":205.852,"endTime":208.23000000000002,"body":"give and receive it with your partner."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":208.64999999999998,"endTime":211.346,"body":"And with a healthy relationship mindset,"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":211.458,"endTime":214.29399999999998,"body":"you don't beat yourself up, blame yourself or"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":214.332,"endTime":217.274,"body":"compare yourself to others. Instead, you"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":217.312,"endTime":219.99399999999997,"body":"take responsibility for your thoughts, feelings and"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":220.03199999999998,"endTime":222.93400000000003,"body":"actions, and you hold your partner"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":222.98199999999997,"endTime":225.738,"body":"accountable for theirs. You also"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":225.824,"endTime":228.67000000000002,"body":"focus on things that you can do to make things better"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":228.74,"endTime":231.13400000000001,"body":"or improve yourself or your"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":231.17200000000003,"endTime":233.966,"body":"relationship, and are focused on forward"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":234.06799999999998,"endTime":235.95,"body":"movement instead of past"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":236.01999999999998,"endTime":238.87400000000002,"body":"grievances. Practicing healthy"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":238.92200000000003,"endTime":241.80599999999998,"body":"relationship behaviors includes respecting each other's"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":241.83800000000002,"endTime":243.87400000000002,"body":"boundaries, needs, goals and"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":243.91199999999998,"endTime":246.594,"body":"desires. But it's also about being"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":246.632,"endTime":249.50599999999997,"body":"supportive of each other, not trying to"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":249.52800000000002,"endTime":251.82600000000002,"body":"control or manipulate each other,"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":252.00799999999998,"endTime":254.62599999999998,"body":"collaborating on day to day responsibilities,"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":254.738,"endTime":257.122,"body":"including building legal,"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":257.186,"endTime":260.162,"body":"mental, emotional, financial, spiritual"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":260.306,"endTime":262.44,"body":"and relational health together."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":262.96999999999997,"endTime":265.914,"body":"It also includes working together as a team through"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":265.952,"endTime":268.938,"body":"any struggles life brings, as well as through the"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":268.944,"endTime":271.606,"body":"good times. A healthy"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":271.638,"endTime":273.866,"body":"relationship also requires using"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":273.968,"endTime":276.17,"body":"connecting communication"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":276.75,"endTime":279.582,"body":"that requires learning how to speak to each other"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":279.636,"endTime":282.33,"body":"in ways that builds emotional connection,"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":282.49,"endTime":285.12,"body":"appreciation, curiosity and support."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":285.57,"endTime":288.462,"body":"It's a different skill from being taught how to read, write"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":288.516,"endTime":291.102,"body":"and speak. It requires empathy,"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":291.166,"endTime":294.002,"body":"compassion and open mind and being"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":294.056,"endTime":296.766,"body":"curious to learn about your partner's inner"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":296.798,"endTime":299.442,"body":"world and them learning about"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":299.496,"endTime":302.48199999999997,"body":"yours. As humans, we're really"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":302.536,"endTime":305.49,"body":"great at talking and speaking and communicating"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":305.57,"endTime":308.12,"body":"from the perspective of being an individual,"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":308.73,"endTime":311.526,"body":"but communicating to connect with your partner and"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":311.548,"endTime":313.622,"body":"them with you is a very different thing"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":313.676,"endTime":316.618,"body":"altogether. Another requirement for a"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":316.624,"endTime":319.29,"body":"healthy relationship is managing your"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":319.36,"endTime":322.342,"body":"energy. This involves self awareness"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":322.406,"endTime":325.03,"body":"and ownership of your moods, thoughts,"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":325.11,"endTime":327.814,"body":"feelings, energy levels, and well being"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":327.872,"endTime":330.654,"body":"needs. It also involves not"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":330.692,"endTime":333.278,"body":"trying to manage your partner's moods, energy"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":333.364,"endTime":336.35,"body":"levels, thoughts, feelings, and well being needs, because"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":336.42,"endTime":339.162,"body":"that is their responsibility, not yours."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":339.306,"endTime":342.068,"body":"You can support them and, be a"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":342.186,"endTime":344.928,"body":"support structure and service provider"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":345.056,"endTime":347.524,"body":"to help them, but it's not your"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":347.594,"endTime":349.68399999999997,"body":"accountability or responsibility."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":350.664,"endTime":353.288,"body":"Informing your partner of your needs and then"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":353.32599999999996,"endTime":355.834,"body":"supporting yourself to fulfill them,"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":356.44399999999996,"endTime":359.128,"body":"even asking your partner for support if"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":359.166,"endTime":361.71999999999997,"body":"it's needed is a healthy approach to"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":361.74199999999996,"endTime":363.674,"body":"managing your own energy."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":365.24399999999997,"endTime":368.17199999999997,"body":"The last one is having quality time."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":368.33799999999997,"endTime":371.18,"body":"Balancing your alone time with spending time with"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":371.202,"endTime":374.188,"body":"your partner, doing things you both enjoy or that"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":374.226,"endTime":377.21999999999997,"body":"matter to you both is essential for building a healthy"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":377.272,"endTime":380.048,"body":"relationship. Having interests you share"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":380.08599999999996,"endTime":383.034,"body":"with each other as well as participating in each,"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":382.984,"endTime":385.93399999999997,"body":"other's interests, even if you aren't particularly"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":385.998,"endTime":388.48199999999997,"body":"jazzed about it, builds intimacy."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":388.822,"endTime":391.30199999999996,"body":"And being able to sit in the same"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":391.37199999999996,"endTime":394.312,"body":"room with silence for"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":394.762,"endTime":397.66999999999996,"body":"hours while you're doing"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":397.756,"endTime":400.502,"body":"whatever it is that you're doing. And sharing space"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":400.572,"endTime":403.13,"body":"with each other is another way"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":403.296,"endTime":405.452,"body":"to have quality time."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":406.142,"endTime":408.82599999999996,"body":"Now, I'd like to share some signs with"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":408.864,"endTime":411.562,"body":"you of marriage deterioration."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":412.542,"endTime":415.498,"body":"Recognizing the signs of decay in your marriage truly"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":415.53,"endTime":418.378,"body":"is the first step towards making an informed"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":418.40999999999997,"endTime":421.246,"body":"decision about yourself and your"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":421.284,"endTime":423.918,"body":"well being, the future of your relationship,"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":424.09999999999997,"endTime":426.846,"body":"and what steps you need to"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":426.88399999999996,"endTime":429.87399999999997,"body":"take to move forward. Often"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":430.008,"endTime":432.818,"body":"my clients who participate with me"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":432.84,"endTime":435.82599999999996,"body":"in my savior marriage immersive programs are"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":435.864,"endTime":438.786,"body":"very stuck in the past and in the problems of their"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":438.824,"endTime":441.734,"body":"marriage, and they can't find a way"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":441.788,"endTime":444.578,"body":"to dig themselves out. Consequently,"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":444.77,"endTime":447.686,"body":"hiring and working with a third party is really"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":447.724,"endTime":450.39,"body":"a healthy thing for them to do, and they leave"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":450.556,"endTime":453.414,"body":"smiling with, ah, an action"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":453.478,"endTime":456.426,"body":"plan around what there is for them to"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":456.464,"endTime":459.354,"body":"focus on and to do together"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":459.488,"endTime":462.106,"body":"and individually to help improve their"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":462.144,"endTime":464.986,"body":"situation. Here are"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":465.024,"endTime":466.99199999999996,"body":"some signs to be aware of."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":468.162,"endTime":470.942,"body":"Number one, communication breakdown."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":471.442,"endTime":474.334,"body":"There was a time that you used to talk about everything."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":474.46799999999996,"endTime":476.76599999999996,"body":"You looked forward to sharing your day with your"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":476.804,"endTime":479.558,"body":"partner, but now it feels"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":479.60999999999996,"endTime":482.226,"body":"like there's a concrete wall in the way of"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":482.264,"endTime":485.106,"body":"opening up to each other. You come home"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":485.144,"endTime":488.062,"body":"from work and immediately immerse yourself in chores"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":488.142,"endTime":490.926,"body":"or dive into a television show because it's easier"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":490.974,"endTime":493.366,"body":"to do that than interact with your"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":493.404,"endTime":496.27799999999996,"body":"partner. Or your partner makes sure they are"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":496.3,"endTime":498.902,"body":"busy all the time, so there's no time to talk,"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":499.05199999999996,"endTime":501.032,"body":"much less work on your relationship."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":501.98199999999997,"endTime":504.58599999999996,"body":"And the thought of talking about the"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":504.62399999999997,"endTime":507.066,"body":"relationship and ways to make it"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":507.104,"endTime":509.99399999999997,"body":"better is the last thing you feel like"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":510.048,"endTime":512.474,"body":"you want to do. Number"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":512.528,"endTime":514.514,"body":"two, there's constant"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":514.598,"endTime":517.4060000000001,"body":"conflict. You've argued every now and"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":517.444,"endTime":520.014,"body":"then, but now your disagreements are turning into"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":520.068,"endTime":522.702,"body":"frustrating, even exhausting battles."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":523.122,"endTime":526.014,"body":"Even over the small things, it"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":526.068,"endTime":528.77,"body":"feels like a fight and"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":528.936,"endTime":531.73,"body":"a challenge. You now"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":531.816,"endTime":534.626,"body":"find yourself thinking about which battles you want to"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":534.664,"endTime":537.122,"body":"pursue versus drop."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":538.022,"endTime":540.838,"body":"You feel like it's just not worth the effort or"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":540.86,"endTime":543.846,"body":"the energy. This is a"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":543.884,"endTime":546.726,"body":"sign that the underlying issues in your marriage are"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":546.764,"endTime":549.686,"body":"too deep rooted to easily resolve on your"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":549.724,"endTime":552.658,"body":"own. You're both avoiding each other even"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":552.7,"endTime":555.562,"body":"on the basics of home responsibilities, and"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":555.6320000000001,"endTime":558.586,"body":"talking about your relationship is the last thing you"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":558.624,"endTime":561.322,"body":"want to do because it just causes another"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":561.392,"endTime":564.138,"body":"battle. You both may be"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":564.16,"endTime":567.118,"body":"blaming or criticizing each other, and no one wants to"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":567.14,"endTime":569.726,"body":"keep having conversations that result in"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":569.764,"endTime":572.698,"body":"blame or being criticized, being shamed"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":572.73,"endTime":575.134,"body":"or guilted or"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":575.268,"endTime":576.912,"body":"result in a fight."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":578.0020000000001,"endTime":580.814,"body":"It's like walking into a brick wall over and"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":580.868,"endTime":583.866,"body":"over and over again, except the scratches"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":583.914,"endTime":586.366,"body":"and bruises are in your heart and in your"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":586.404,"endTime":588.992,"body":"mind. Number three,"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":589.322,"endTime":592.162,"body":"lack of intimacy. Intimacy"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":592.242,"endTime":594.946,"body":"is essential in a happy, healthy"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":594.994,"endTime":597.474,"body":"marriage. If you feel emotionally"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":597.538,"endTime":600.374,"body":"distant or affection is lacking or"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":600.428,"endTime":602.986,"body":"you're just not connecting on a deeper level,"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":603.1840000000001,"endTime":606.0260000000001,"body":"it may be a sign that emotional intimacy in"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":606.0640000000001,"endTime":608.282,"body":"your relationship is fading."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":608.702,"endTime":611.6260000000001,"body":"Emotional connection to me thrives when you both"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":611.664,"endTime":614.374,"body":"have empathy and understanding for each other,"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":614.528,"endTime":617.182,"body":"acceptance and appreciation for each other,"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":617.332,"endTime":619.966,"body":"and being supportive. Even in the midst of"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":620.004,"endTime":622.398,"body":"extreme differences of opinion or"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":622.4200000000001,"endTime":625.342,"body":"preferences. It's okay for you to own"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":625.412,"endTime":627.422,"body":"your opinions and preferences"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":628.022,"endTime":630.7860000000001,"body":"and understand your partners without having"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":630.8240000000001,"endTime":633.486,"body":"to agree. If communication"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":633.534,"endTime":636.446,"body":"breakdowns are happening, lack of intimacy"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":636.494,"endTime":639.0120000000001,"body":"and emotional connection are sure to follow,"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":639.402,"endTime":642.134,"body":"along with deterioration of"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":642.188,"endTime":644.822,"body":"trust and respect. Number"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":644.892,"endTime":647.592,"body":"four, trust and respect issues."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":648.522,"endTime":651.3340000000001,"body":"Trust is the glue that holds your marriage together."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":651.4680000000001,"endTime":654.326,"body":"If trust has eroded due to infidelity"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":654.4540000000001,"endTime":657.1940000000001,"body":"or ongoing deceit, rebuilding it"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":657.248,"endTime":659.8340000000001,"body":"can be very difficult, but not"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":659.888,"endTime":662.538,"body":"impossible. Bringing up the"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":662.5600000000001,"endTime":665.418,"body":"past, repeatedly asking each other whether you can"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":665.44,"endTime":668.0740000000001,"body":"trust each other on a daily basis"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":668.2180000000001,"endTime":671.1980000000001,"body":"and not fully forgiving each other are all signs that"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":671.22,"endTime":674.032,"body":"you need help to rebuild trust in your relationship."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":674.7220000000001,"endTime":676.9340000000001,"body":"And when trust erodes, respect"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":677.018,"endTime":679.812,"body":"follows. Rebuilding trust"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":680.422,"endTime":683.058,"body":"requires having an action plan,"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":683.24,"endTime":686.046,"body":"agreeing to it together, creating that action"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":686.094,"endTime":688.706,"body":"plan together, and then agreeing to it, and"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":688.744,"endTime":691.654,"body":"then taking those steps in your action plan"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":691.7080000000001,"endTime":694.4060000000001,"body":"on a daily basis. Loss of"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":694.4440000000001,"endTime":696.552,"body":"respect starts with the small things."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":697.402,"endTime":700.23,"body":"For example, your partner agrees to clean the"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":700.236,"endTime":702.914,"body":"dishes in the kitchen on nights that you cook,"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":703.058,"endTime":705.8140000000001,"body":"only to find the kitchen messy, with dirty dishes"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":705.878,"endTime":708.5060000000001,"body":"filling the sink in the morning on your"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":708.5440000000001,"endTime":710.8580000000001,"body":"sleepy walk to the kitchen for a hot cup of"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":710.88,"endTime":713.6740000000001,"body":"coffee. When that happens, not"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":713.7280000000001,"endTime":716.618,"body":"once, but three or more times, that starts"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":716.6500000000001,"endTime":719.114,"body":"eroding respect, which then diminishes"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":719.178,"endTime":722.0740000000001,"body":"trust. If you can't trust your partner"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":722.138,"endTime":725.086,"body":"to be true to their word, then the road to not"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":725.124,"endTime":727.8580000000001,"body":"respecting them is much shorter. And when you"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":727.88,"endTime":730.546,"body":"don't respect or trust your partner. The relationship"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":730.664,"endTime":733.572,"body":"is on a tightrope that's about to break."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":733.942,"endTime":736.878,"body":"The fifth one is emotional withdrawal."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":737.07,"endTime":739.8340000000001,"body":"This can show up as disinterest, avoidance,"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":739.918,"endTime":742.854,"body":"indifference, or a lack of investment in your relationship,"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":742.988,"endTime":745.606,"body":"and definitely a lack of"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":745.644,"endTime":747.832,"body":"quality time together"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":748.202,"endTime":751.192,"body":"or even in the same house or room."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":751.642,"endTime":754.1980000000001,"body":"If you or your partner has emotionally checked"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":754.23,"endTime":757.018,"body":"out, then there is a high chance that the lack of"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":757.0400000000001,"endTime":759.974,"body":"trust, respect, communication and connection"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":760.118,"endTime":763.0980000000001,"body":"has eroded the marriage. By the"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":763.12,"endTime":765.918,"body":"time you emotionally withdraw from your relationship, the"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":765.94,"endTime":768.832,"body":"other signs have already been happening for a while."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":769.442,"endTime":772.394,"body":"Emotional withdrawal also happens when blaming,"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":772.4580000000001,"endTime":775.438,"body":"shaming, guilting, manipulating or controlling each"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":775.46,"endTime":778.3380000000001,"body":"other occurs. It's a way to keep yourself"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":778.44,"endTime":781.426,"body":"safe from these toxic behaviors. If you"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":781.464,"endTime":784.3280000000001,"body":"emotionally withdraw, you may feel that staying in the"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":784.35,"endTime":787.2420000000001,"body":"relationship is the only option for you,"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":787.6120000000001,"endTime":790.364,"body":"or that leaving is just too hard to figure"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":790.418,"endTime":793.148,"body":"out or manage. But the"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":793.1700000000001,"endTime":796.0440000000001,"body":"reality is you've got to determine what is best"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":796.0980000000001,"endTime":799.052,"body":"for your health and well being first and foremost,"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":799.4720000000001,"endTime":802.416,"body":"and secondly, whether or not your relationship can"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":802.4540000000001,"endTime":805.264,"body":"be improved. When couples try to work"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":805.3180000000001,"endTime":807.7760000000001,"body":"and improve their relationship on their"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":807.8140000000001,"endTime":810.368,"body":"own, I find that they tend to do"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":810.39,"endTime":813.268,"body":"that from the perspective of the"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":813.2900000000001,"endTime":816.004,"body":"problems that they've been experiencing, and it's very"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":816.058,"endTime":818.8520000000001,"body":"challenging to find"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":818.922,"endTime":821.796,"body":"solutions and collaborate as a team when"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":821.8340000000001,"endTime":824.644,"body":"you're in the midst of struggle. So"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":824.6980000000001,"endTime":827.5440000000001,"body":"if you're choosing to stay, even if it's in the short"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":827.5980000000001,"endTime":830.2800000000001,"body":"term, it's worth investing time,"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":830.366,"endTime":832.936,"body":"energy and making an investment in"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":832.974,"endTime":835.8960000000001,"body":"professional support to learn skills to make"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":835.9340000000001,"endTime":838.282,"body":"things better for you in that situation"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":839.072,"endTime":842.008,"body":"and to get professional support to determine"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":842.0400000000001,"endTime":843.902,"body":"if leaving is best for you."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":845.4720000000001,"endTime":848.4440000000001,"body":"You will definitely learn and receive new"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":848.498,"endTime":851.456,"body":"insights and skills by doing that that will"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":851.494,"endTime":854.176,"body":"benefit you not only at home and in your"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":854.214,"endTime":856.912,"body":"personal relationships, but also your work"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":856.9820000000001,"endTime":859.644,"body":"relationships, so the investment"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":859.7080000000001,"endTime":862.412,"body":"is worth it. The 6th"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":862.4920000000001,"endTime":865.4920000000001,"body":"sign is unresolved resentment."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":866.302,"endTime":869.2180000000001,"body":"this involves holding on to things that you're unhappy"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":869.25,"endTime":872.134,"body":"about that happened in the past and not being"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":872.188,"endTime":874.392,"body":"able to forgive your partner or yourself"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":875.662,"endTime":878.586,"body":"and not having an action plan to help"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":878.624,"endTime":881.274,"body":"you move from the past and"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":881.3280000000001,"endTime":884.186,"body":"move forward with your partner. This can"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":884.224,"endTime":886.5540000000001,"body":"poison your relationship mindset and"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":886.6080000000001,"endTime":889.438,"body":"marriage. Your partner may do things that"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":889.46,"endTime":892.446,"body":"remind you of the past situation, causing an emotional or"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":892.484,"endTime":895.322,"body":"heated reaction. Your ability"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":895.402,"endTime":898.158,"body":"to move forward requires healing your experience"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":898.26,"endTime":901.21,"body":"of those past issues before you ask your"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":901.236,"endTime":903.986,"body":"partner to make changes or help get your"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":904.024,"endTime":906.866,"body":"needs met. And you do that by"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":906.904,"endTime":909.7460000000001,"body":"actively working through and making changes to your"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":909.784,"endTime":912.5740000000001,"body":"own relationship mindset and behaviors and"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":912.648,"endTime":915.634,"body":"communication, while also collaborating"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":915.6980000000001,"endTime":918.374,"body":"with your partner to do the same. Your"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":918.428,"endTime":921.1740000000001,"body":"actions and behaviors going forward is"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":921.2280000000001,"endTime":924.114,"body":"what provides the healing and restoration"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":924.258,"endTime":926.902,"body":"of trust, love, commitment and connection"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":926.9820000000001,"endTime":929.878,"body":"along with your partners. The 7th"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":929.9100000000001,"endTime":932.0120000000001,"body":"sign is all about"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":932.462,"endTime":935.0980000000001,"body":"going solo or being a single"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":935.2800000000001,"endTime":938.0740000000001,"body":"individual. We all know"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":938.128,"endTime":940.9100000000001,"body":"how to be single and an individual really well"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":940.9960000000001,"endTime":943.854,"body":"because most of us have been an individual and"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":943.908,"endTime":946.686,"body":"single for more amount of time than"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":946.724,"endTime":949.086,"body":"we've ever been in a relationship and"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":949.124,"endTime":951.614,"body":"marriage. Successful"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":951.678,"endTime":954.418,"body":"relationships and marriages require mutual and"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":954.44,"endTime":956.962,"body":"reciprocal effort from both parties."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":957.302,"endTime":960.178,"body":"If you find yourself being the only one trying to make"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":960.2,"endTime":962.658,"body":"things work, even with professional support"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":962.84,"endTime":965.186,"body":"and your partner, or you remain"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":965.234,"endTime":968.114,"body":"disengaged, disconnected or apathetic,"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":968.258,"endTime":971.158,"body":"it's a sign that your partner or you may not"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":971.1800000000001,"endTime":973.926,"body":"even want to continue with a relationship, much"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":973.964,"endTime":976.778,"body":"less work on it. It could also be that your"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":976.8000000000001,"endTime":979.654,"body":"partner is going through something emotional or health related"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":979.7180000000001,"endTime":982.0260000000001,"body":"and just cannot cope or deal with the relationship"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":982.144,"endTime":984.8580000000001,"body":"stuff. Having support from your"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":984.88,"endTime":987.7180000000001,"body":"healthcare, mental health or professional"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":987.75,"endTime":990.5260000000001,"body":"therapy or coaching will help you determine if"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":990.5640000000001,"endTime":993.0540000000001,"body":"your relationship is salvageable or"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":993.1080000000001,"endTime":995.998,"body":"not, and to determine whether you want"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":996.0200000000001,"endTime":998.6700000000001,"body":"to invest the time and energy that it would take"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":998.836,"endTime":1001.8100000000001,"body":"to move forward with the actions to"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1001.8960000000001,"endTime":1004.6260000000001,"body":"save it. The 8th sign is"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1004.664,"endTime":1007.5060000000001,"body":"looking for outside fulfillment. If"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1007.5440000000001,"endTime":1010.142,"body":"one or both of you are getting emotional or physical"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1010.2220000000001,"endTime":1013.09,"body":"fulfillment outside of your marriage, it's a"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1013.096,"endTime":1016.086,"body":"clear sign that the relationship is not fully meeting each"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1016.124,"endTime":1018.758,"body":"other's needs. Infidelity is a"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1018.7800000000001,"endTime":1021.618,"body":"symptom of deeper issues in the marriage and not the root"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1021.6500000000001,"endTime":1024.514,"body":"cause of the breakdown. Now, infidelity"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1024.578,"endTime":1027.274,"body":"isn't just about cheating or getting into another"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1027.328,"endTime":1030.134,"body":"relationship with another person. Infidelity"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1030.198,"endTime":1032.698,"body":"could look like spending all"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1032.8,"endTime":1035.626,"body":"day on Saturday at Sunday and"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1035.664,"endTime":1038.654,"body":"evenings during the week at, the golf course."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1039.024,"endTime":1041.756,"body":"It could look like throwing yourself into"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1041.81,"endTime":1044.54,"body":"work to avoid communicating and"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1044.562,"endTime":1047.054,"body":"connecting with your partner, or being at home."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1047.424,"endTime":1050.0919999999999,"body":"It could look like throwing yourself into"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1050.1779999999999,"endTime":1052.9759999999999,"body":"hobbies and interests to avoid being"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1053.03,"endTime":1054.354,"body":"at home as well."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1055.844,"endTime":1058.6879999999999,"body":"I have said that for some people, it seems"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1058.7259999999999,"endTime":1061.148,"body":"to be easier to jump into another person's"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1061.196,"endTime":1063.94,"body":"arms or to the"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1063.962,"endTime":1066.676,"body":"golf course, or spending time in other"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1066.73,"endTime":1069.616,"body":"activities with all the newness, excitement,"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1069.68,"endTime":1072.596,"body":"attention, distraction and romance than"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1072.65,"endTime":1075.008,"body":"focus on working through"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1075.066,"endTime":1077.934,"body":"difficulties. I m"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1078.062,"endTime":1080.728,"body":"have also said that that's a way to end your"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1080.766,"endTime":1083.304,"body":"relationship without taking responsibility,"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1083.724,"endTime":1086.376,"body":"or having to acknowledge the problems or your"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1086.43,"endTime":1089.212,"body":"part in them, or even stepping up like an"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1089.218,"endTime":1092.024,"body":"adult to discuss and end things amicably"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1092.184,"endTime":1094.588,"body":"before diving into someone else's arms or"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1094.626,"endTime":1097.548,"body":"bed, or throwing yourself into"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1097.586,"endTime":1100.576,"body":"an activity that keeps you from"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1100.71,"endTime":1103.248,"body":"being at home or where your"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1103.286,"endTime":1106.028,"body":"partner is. If your partner"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1106.076,"endTime":1108.672,"body":"finds out about infidelity, which they always"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1108.758,"endTime":1111.296,"body":"will, at some point in time, it"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1111.35,"endTime":1114.1999999999998,"body":"will always make for a, worse, more"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1114.2379999999998,"endTime":1116.186,"body":"resentful and angry experience"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1157.856,"endTime":1160.524,"body":"than it would be by addressing the problems"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1160.61,"endTime":1163.58,"body":"and working to resolve them first. Whether you stay"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1163.618,"endTime":1166.176,"body":"together or not. I call that"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1166.2459999999999,"endTime":1168.656,"body":"adulting in relationships."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1169.4759999999999,"endTime":1172.268,"body":"The 10th sign is unmet"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1172.3319999999999,"endTime":1174.7359999999999,"body":"or uncommunicated expectations."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1176.036,"endTime":1178.56,"body":"When I went through my coach training with Thomas"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1178.608,"endTime":1181.572,"body":"Leonard, the founder of professional coaching as"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1181.594,"endTime":1184.468,"body":"an industry and a discipline, he said"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1184.522,"endTime":1187.366,"body":"something that has stayed with me all these years."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1188.216,"endTime":1190.8519999999999,"body":"He said, uncommunicated expectations"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1190.964,"endTime":1192.856,"body":"always lead to upset."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1193.916,"endTime":1196.056,"body":"I have expanded that to say"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1196.126,"endTime":1198.74,"body":"uncommunicated and unagreed"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1198.788,"endTime":1201.192,"body":"to, expectations always lead to"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1201.214,"endTime":1204.0919999999999,"body":"upset. Every time I"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1204.114,"endTime":1207.032,"body":"have worked with a couple in either my savior marriage,"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1207.064,"endTime":1209.788,"body":"immersive, or in my relationship"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1209.922,"endTime":1212.824,"body":"coaching huddles, I uncover"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1212.92,"endTime":1215.7,"body":"at least five expectations each partner"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1215.768,"endTime":1218.48,"body":"had for each other, and they made the"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1218.518,"endTime":1220.956,"body":"assumption, or had a belief that their partner"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1221.036,"endTime":1224.0,"body":"knew about it, even"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1224.038,"endTime":1226.4479999999999,"body":"though they had not spoken or made agreements about"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1226.502,"endTime":1228.706,"body":"it. So here's an example."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1229.176,"endTime":1231.936,"body":"I'd ask them, do you have a no cheating"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1232.096,"endTime":1235.046,"body":"policy that you've written and agreed to?"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1235.4959999999999,"endTime":1238.452,"body":"They would both say something like, no, I just"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1238.474,"endTime":1241.264,"body":"think that when you get married, you're making a commitment for life, and"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1241.29,"endTime":1244.232,"body":"faithfulness goes with that. We shouldn't have"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1244.254,"endTime":1247.22,"body":"to talk about it or make agreements. I'd"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1247.268,"endTime":1249.988,"body":"say, well, have you talked about what faithfulness"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1250.052,"endTime":1252.456,"body":"means and really defined that for yourselves?"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1253.056,"endTime":1255.8319999999999,"body":"They'd say, not really. Doesn't"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1255.864,"endTime":1258.484,"body":"that mean that you're just together in a, committed,"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1258.612,"endTime":1261.176,"body":"monogamous relationship? I'd say, not"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1261.1979999999999,"endTime":1262.2,"body":"necessarily."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1264.22,"endTime":1267.004,"body":"And I'd say, well, if one of the issues you're both"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1267.042,"endTime":1269.756,"body":"having is about cell phone texting a coworker of the"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1269.778,"endTime":1272.4759999999999,"body":"opposite sex, or flirting with the waitress at a"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1272.498,"endTime":1275.436,"body":"restaurant, or disagreements about what cheating is"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1275.458,"endTime":1278.204,"body":"and is not, wouldn't it be beneficial to"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1278.242,"endTime":1280.48,"body":"discuss it more so that you both can find some common"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1280.55,"endTime":1283.456,"body":"ground? That's when they both would"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1283.478,"endTime":1286.4479999999999,"body":"look at me quizzically, tilt their heads, and all"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1286.454,"endTime":1289.33,"body":"of a sudden they would say, yes, that makes sense."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1290.2,"endTime":1292.676,"body":"We would then create a safe space to have a"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1292.6979999999999,"endTime":1295.524,"body":"conversation about defining what cheating is"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1295.562,"endTime":1298.42,"body":"and is not to each of them individually,"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1298.76,"endTime":1301.636,"body":"and help them learn how"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1301.658,"endTime":1304.424,"body":"to communicate when they feel cheating of some sort is"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1304.462,"endTime":1306.974,"body":"happening, it's usually emotional, at"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1307.012,"endTime":1309.902,"body":"first, and how to support each other through"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1309.956,"endTime":1312.718,"body":"it. After that, we would both create a"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1312.724,"endTime":1315.67,"body":"written no, cheating policy, which they both sign. The"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1315.708,"endTime":1318.1019999999999,"body":"policy doesn't get shelved, never to be touched"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1318.134,"endTime":1321.03,"body":"again. They instead agree to have a regular"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1321.078,"endTime":1323.786,"body":"check in on their policy at least once a year."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1323.936,"endTime":1326.638,"body":"Now, I admit this example is"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1326.692,"endTime":1329.274,"body":"related to having a discussion"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1329.45,"endTime":1331.71,"body":"about a difficult topic of"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1331.748,"endTime":1334.686,"body":"infidelity, but it's a very relevant"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1335.586,"endTime":1337.838,"body":"example around"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1337.972,"endTime":1340.866,"body":"unmet or uncommunicated expectations."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1341.766,"endTime":1344.658,"body":"The 12th sign is an essential one,"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1344.712,"endTime":1347.646,"body":"and this happens when you don't feel like you're an equal"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1347.7259999999999,"endTime":1350.642,"body":"in your relationship. Treating each"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1350.664,"endTime":1353.518,"body":"other as equals is respectful and healthy."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1353.5819999999999,"endTime":1356.562,"body":"But most couples I've coached in the last two decades"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1356.674,"endTime":1359.346,"body":"have said they don't see each other as equals."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1359.506,"endTime":1362.47,"body":"It's essential to have conversations with your partner to"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1362.508,"endTime":1365.382,"body":"identify areas you feel equal and respected"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1365.494,"endTime":1367.962,"body":"versus not. And then create a"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1367.984,"endTime":1370.97,"body":"coordinated plan with each other to address the areas you"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1371.008,"endTime":1373.866,"body":"don't feel like. You're treated like an equal."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1374.206,"endTime":1377.194,"body":"Much like a business partnership where both partners have an"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1377.2,"endTime":1380.158,"body":"equal stake in the business, but with different"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1380.212,"endTime":1383.104,"body":"roles and responsibilities. So too does, a"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1383.11,"endTime":1385.712,"body":"marital partnership. It's not a situation"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1385.814,"endTime":1388.54,"body":"where you clean the dishes and clean the kitchen"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1388.588,"endTime":1391.508,"body":"on three days, and I clean them on three days,"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1391.562,"endTime":1394.436,"body":"and then we clean it together on one day."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1394.586,"endTime":1397.444,"body":"Equality isn't about that. It's about a sense"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1397.53,"endTime":1400.192,"body":"and a feeling of accomplishment, achievement"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1400.3039999999999,"endTime":1402.836,"body":"and equality together overall"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1402.9959999999999,"endTime":1405.416,"body":"and looking at your strengths."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1406.156,"endTime":1408.584,"body":"If my strength is not loading the"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1408.59,"endTime":1411.432,"body":"dishwasher correctly, but my partner's is, and"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1411.454,"endTime":1414.3999999999999,"body":"they agree to handle the dishwasher"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1414.548,"endTime":1417.1,"body":"while I handle the hand"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1417.138,"endTime":1420.06,"body":"washing items, that's a sense of"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1420.098,"endTime":1423.084,"body":"equality. But it's not about"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1423.25,"endTime":1426.06,"body":"the number of dishes that go in the dishwasher and"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1426.098,"endTime":1428.8799999999999,"body":"the number of dishes that I'm hand washing. That"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1428.918,"endTime":1431.84,"body":"number doesn't have to be the same. I hope you"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1431.878,"endTime":1434.7359999999999,"body":"understand what I mean by feeling like an equal."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1435.396,"endTime":1438.3799999999999,"body":"It's important to work with a relationship and marriage"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1438.4279999999999,"endTime":1440.66,"body":"coach who has the"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1440.6979999999999,"endTime":1443.012,"body":"skills and who can listen to your"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1443.0339999999999,"endTime":1445.396,"body":"differences and help you find common"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1445.466,"endTime":1448.24,"body":"ground so that you can make and honor agreements"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1448.288,"endTime":1451.076,"body":"with each other instead of making assumptions."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1452.076,"endTime":1454.328,"body":"A large body of my work with"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1454.382,"endTime":1457.336,"body":"couples involves the five"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1457.406,"endTime":1460.28,"body":"sovereign relationship needs. So"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1460.318,"endTime":1463.08,"body":"now I'd like to take a look at the signs. A marriage may be"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1463.118,"endTime":1465.676,"body":"unsalvageable through the lens of the five"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1465.7459999999999,"endTime":1467.4859999999999,"body":"sovereign relationship needs."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1468.336,"endTime":1470.584,"body":"Those needs are love and belonging,"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1470.68,"endTime":1473.052,"body":"freedom, fun, power"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1473.234,"endTime":1475.436,"body":"and safety, and survival."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1476.276,"endTime":1479.072,"body":"Recognizing these signs from the perspective of the"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1479.094,"endTime":1481.984,"body":"sovereign relationship needs is helpful for making"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1482.07,"endTime":1484.94,"body":"informed decisions, for yourself and"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1484.994,"endTime":1487.8519999999999,"body":"about the future of your relationship. To"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1487.8899999999999,"endTime":1490.704,"body":"learn about your primary and secondary sovereign relationship"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1490.806,"endTime":1493.484,"body":"needs, I invite you to take the needs quiz"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1493.596,"endTime":1495.328,"body":"at needs."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1495.478,"endTime":1498.3519999999999,"body":"Drdarhawks.com. M so"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1498.3899999999999,"endTime":1500.658,"body":"let's look at love and belonging first."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1501.588,"endTime":1504.164,"body":"In a healthy marriage, love and belonging are the"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1504.186,"endTime":1506.8519999999999,"body":"cornerstones tied to mutual respect and"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1506.8899999999999,"endTime":1509.844,"body":"trust for each other. If there's a"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1509.866,"endTime":1512.704,"body":"pervasive sense of emotional detachment, a lack"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1512.7359999999999,"endTime":1514.8039999999999,"body":"of intimacy, a lack of shared"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1514.836,"endTime":1517.24,"body":"experiences, or an"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1517.2939999999999,"endTime":1519.864,"body":"inability to connect on a deeper level,"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1520.046,"endTime":1523.032,"body":"it could indicate that the foundational need for love"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1523.07,"endTime":1525.128,"body":"and belonging is compromised."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1525.728,"endTime":1528.312,"body":"Constant conflicts and emotional withdrawal"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1528.44,"endTime":1530.888,"body":"can create a void, leaving you feeling"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1530.968,"endTime":1532.936,"body":"isolated, lonely,"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1533.112,"endTime":1535.932,"body":"unfulfilled unsatisfied, and"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1535.97,"endTime":1538.348,"body":"even resentful and bitter."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1538.868,"endTime":1541.728,"body":"The second sovereign relationship need"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1541.878,"endTime":1544.288,"body":"I want to cover is freedom."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1544.628,"endTime":1547.152,"body":"A successful marriage respects and nurtures each"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1547.19,"endTime":1549.676,"body":"partner's need for freedom and autonomy."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1549.8519999999999,"endTime":1552.692,"body":"If one or both of you feel trapped, controlled, or"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1552.73,"endTime":1555.172,"body":"unable to express your individuality in your"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1555.21,"endTime":1558.004,"body":"marriage, it can create an environment of"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1558.026,"endTime":1560.96,"body":"suffocation. If you feel stifled,"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1561.024,"endTime":1563.452,"body":"controlled, manipulated, shamed,"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1563.52,"endTime":1566.424,"body":"guilted, or restricted in your marriage, it can"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1566.446,"endTime":1569.208,"body":"lead to resentment and a deep desire to break"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1569.278,"endTime":1571.652,"body":"free. Unilateral"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1571.7,"endTime":1574.472,"body":"decisions, lack of compromise, and a feeling of"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1574.51,"endTime":1577.18,"body":"being trapped will erode your relationship"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1577.314,"endTime":1580.076,"body":"quickly, and at the core, is about"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1580.162,"endTime":1582.812,"body":"being insecure. The"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1582.85,"endTime":1585.548,"body":"third sovereign relationship need is"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1585.618,"endTime":1588.372,"body":"fun. Laughter, shared"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1588.44,"endTime":1591.344,"body":"experiences, and a sense of playfulness are healthy for"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1591.366,"endTime":1593.6979999999999,"body":"a vibrant and enduring relationship."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1595.348,"endTime":1598.08,"body":"If your relationship was formed on the"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1598.134,"endTime":1601.104,"body":"foundation of fun originally, then the"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1601.126,"endTime":1603.872,"body":"day to day becomes boring, routine, and lacks"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1603.92,"endTime":1606.58,"body":"joy. I have had many"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1606.634,"endTime":1609.392,"body":"clients who have said they have fun, communicate"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1609.44,"endTime":1612.164,"body":"well, and have a deeper connection when they go on"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1612.186,"endTime":1614.952,"body":"vacation. But once they get home, they have"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1614.99,"endTime":1617.844,"body":"problems being together. It turned"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1617.876,"endTime":1620.788,"body":"out that they formed their relationship going on vacation"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1620.868,"endTime":1623.8319999999999,"body":"and only doing fun things together. They"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1623.87,"endTime":1626.66,"body":"base their relationship on the fun needs solely,"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1626.724,"endTime":1629.612,"body":"but did not build fun into their day to day life"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1629.6499999999999,"endTime":1632.398,"body":"together once they became a committed couple."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1632.768,"endTime":1635.518,"body":"With the exception of planning vacations together."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1636.528,"endTime":1639.472,"body":"A marriage that has lost its lightness, its sense"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1639.51,"endTime":1641.824,"body":"of playfulness, can feel dull and"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1641.846,"endTime":1644.752,"body":"uninspiring. The absence of fun can lead"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1644.79,"endTime":1647.632,"body":"to emotional disease. The absence of"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1647.67,"endTime":1650.5439999999999,"body":"fun can lead to emotional distance and"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1650.566,"endTime":1652.772,"body":"the feeling that the relationship has lost its"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1652.81,"endTime":1655.68,"body":"vitality. The fourth sovereign"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1655.744,"endTime":1658.372,"body":"relationship, need is power. A"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1658.41,"endTime":1661.364,"body":"healthy marriage involves a balance of power and"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1661.386,"endTime":1664.28,"body":"decision making. However, if the power"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1664.334,"endTime":1666.98,"body":"struggles persist, with one of you consistently"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1667.0439999999999,"endTime":1669.4279999999999,"body":"asserting dominance, manipulating,"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1669.508,"endTime":1672.228,"body":"guilting, shaming, blaming, controlling,"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1672.388,"endTime":1675.32,"body":"or dismissing the other's opinions, it's a sign"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1675.374,"endTime":1678.3319999999999,"body":"of a toxic power balance. I"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1678.37,"endTime":1680.828,"body":"find that when there's unhealthy power"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1680.898,"endTime":1683.864,"body":"dynamics in a relationship, couples tend"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1683.896,"endTime":1686.652,"body":"not to listen to each other, hear each other, or"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1686.69,"endTime":1689.5919999999999,"body":"understand each other's perspectives, and then"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1689.6499999999999,"endTime":1692.512,"body":"they don't try to find common ground in order with which"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1692.55,"endTime":1695.04,"body":"to move forward. With. This"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1695.094,"endTime":1697.964,"body":"imbalance can be a severe impediment to the mutual"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1697.9959999999999,"endTime":1700.924,"body":"growth and satisfaction necessary for"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1700.966,"endTime":1703.86,"body":"a thriving, healthy marriage. And this is where"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1703.914,"endTime":1706.612,"body":"working on your relationship towards treating each other with"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1706.6499999999999,"endTime":1709.508,"body":"respect and as equals matters."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1710.088,"endTime":1712.932,"body":"The fifth sovereign relationship, need is"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1712.97,"endTime":1715.892,"body":"safety and survival. Emotional,"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1715.94,"endTime":1718.42,"body":"physical, financial, mental, and spiritual"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1718.484,"endTime":1721.224,"body":"safety are paramount in a"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1721.2459999999999,"endTime":1723.972,"body":"marriage. If trust and consequently"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1724.02,"endTime":1726.904,"body":"respect has been shattered and there's ongoing"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1726.936,"endTime":1729.752,"body":"conflict or even abuse, it directly threatens"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1729.8,"endTime":1732.608,"body":"the safety and survival, aspect of your relationship."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1733.6979999999999,"endTime":1736.474,"body":"Both of you have a need to feel secure,"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1736.586,"endTime":1739.502,"body":"safe and supported for your marriage"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1739.55,"endTime":1742.434,"body":"to thrive. Any persistent threat to"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1742.456,"endTime":1745.278,"body":"this safety can be a clear sign of irreparable"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1745.358,"endTime":1748.0819999999999,"body":"damage, and it's usually"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1748.2,"endTime":1750.702,"body":"emotional damage, which"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1750.76,"endTime":1753.5539999999999,"body":"is even more detrimental."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1753.7459999999999,"endTime":1756.3899999999999,"body":"In the most extreme cases, a marriage may become"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1756.444,"endTime":1759.142,"body":"irreparable if there are persistent threats to"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1759.18,"endTime":1761.6499999999999,"body":"safety and survival. This includes"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1761.714,"endTime":1764.682,"body":"emotional or physical abuse, betrayal, and"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1764.72,"endTime":1767.482,"body":"a breach of trust and respect that undermines the very"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1767.52,"endTime":1768.988,"body":"foundation of your relationship."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1770.238,"endTime":1772.682,"body":"If the sense of safety within your marriage is"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1772.72,"endTime":1775.386,"body":"consistently compromised, it gets"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1775.472,"endTime":1778.154,"body":"exceedingly challenging to rebuild"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1778.346,"endTime":1779.728,"body":"and move forward."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1780.898,"endTime":1783.53,"body":"Ultimately, understanding your sovereign"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1783.594,"endTime":1786.414,"body":"relationship needs will provide you with a framework for"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1786.436,"endTime":1789.0339999999999,"body":"evaluating the health of your marriage, your"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1789.076,"endTime":1792.062,"body":"own health and well being, and determining"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1792.11,"endTime":1794.674,"body":"whether the necessary elements for a fulfilling and"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1794.696,"endTime":1797.6019999999999,"body":"sustainable partnership are still present or can"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1797.6399999999999,"endTime":1800.462,"body":"be built. If you'd like to explore"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1800.51,"endTime":1803.33,"body":"your relationship more, to evaluate"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1803.394,"endTime":1805.862,"body":"and self assess how"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1805.8999999999999,"endTime":1808.45,"body":"healthy it is and uncover"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1808.514,"endTime":1811.202,"body":"areas of concern and gain deeper"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1811.25,"endTime":1813.802,"body":"insights, I invite you to take my"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1813.84,"endTime":1816.634,"body":"couple's healthy relationship quiz. You"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1816.656,"endTime":1818.838,"body":"can do that at couplesquiz"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1818.998,"endTime":1821.308,"body":"drdarhawks.com."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1821.838,"endTime":1824.7459999999999,"body":"I hope this has been helpful for you. I know it's a"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1824.752,"endTime":1827.3419999999999,"body":"very difficult topic. It's hard to look"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1827.3799999999999,"endTime":1829.918,"body":"at. It's painful to look"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1829.988,"endTime":1832.734,"body":"at. It can create sadness and a"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1832.756,"endTime":1835.56,"body":"feeling of, like there's just"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1835.614,"endTime":1838.22,"body":"no way to dig yourself out of it"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1838.274,"endTime":1841.036,"body":"or not see any hope at all."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1841.202,"endTime":1844.108,"body":"Please know that I'm here for you. Please reach"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1844.1779999999999,"endTime":1847.004,"body":"out and I will"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1847.186,"endTime":1849.308,"body":"catch you next time in the next"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Dr Dar","startTime":1849.378,"endTime":1850.268,"body":"episode."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Credits","startTime":1853.508,"endTime":1856.144,"body":"If you enjoyed today's episode and found it"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Credits","startTime":1856.166,"endTime":1858.48,"body":"helpful, please subscribe to the better"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Credits","startTime":1858.5339999999999,"endTime":1861.216,"body":"Relationships podcast on your favorite platform"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Credits","startTime":1861.382,"endTime":1863.638,"body":"and share it with your friends and family."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Credits","startTime":1864.248,"endTime":1866.692,"body":"Together, we can create a community of"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Credits","startTime":1866.73,"endTime":1869.248,"body":"healthier, happier and harmonious"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Credits","startTime":1869.328,"endTime":1872.02,"body":"relationships. To better"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Credits","startTime":1872.074,"endTime":1874.656,"body":"understand your unconscious needs and unlock"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Credits","startTime":1874.752,"endTime":1877.268,"body":"better communication, take the sovereign"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Credits","startTime":1877.348,"endTime":1879.096,"body":"relationship needs test at"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Credits","startTime":1879.182,"endTime":1882.024,"body":"relationshiptest me so you can"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Credits","startTime":1882.046,"endTime":1884.28,"body":"have a more fulfilling relationship with your"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Credits","startTime":1884.334,"endTime":1886.5,"body":"partner. For additional"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Credits","startTime":1886.564,"endTime":1889.3519999999999,"body":"resources, information, and to share your thoughts or"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Credits","startTime":1889.3899999999999,"endTime":1890.58,"body":"questions, visit"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Credits","startTime":1890.644,"endTime":1893.3,"body":"drdarhawks.com. That's"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Credits","startTime":1893.364,"endTime":1894.44,"body":"drdarhawks.com"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Credits","startTime":1894.494,"endTime":1897.944,"body":"and"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Credits","startTime":1897.966,"endTime":1900.72,"body":"if you'd like to schedule a coaching session with Dr."},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Credits","startTime":1900.774,"endTime":1903.612,"body":"Dar, visit relationshiphuddle"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Credits","startTime":1903.74,"endTime":1906.6399999999999,"body":"me. Until next time, keep"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Credits","startTime":1906.694,"endTime":1909.36,"body":"communicating with curiosity and an open"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Credits","startTime":1909.414,"endTime":1912.144,"body":"heart. The advice in this podcast is not a"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Credits","startTime":1912.166,"endTime":1914.972,"body":"substitute for the professional medical advice, diagnosis,"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Credits","startTime":1915.02,"endTime":1917.6,"body":"or treatment provided by licensed medical or mental health"},{"speaker":"\u003e\u003e Credits","startTime":1917.654,"endTime":1918.028,"body":"professionals."}]}