{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"startTime":89.05,"endTime":91.736,"body":"welcome to episode 43 of the"},{"startTime":91.768,"endTime":93.9,"body":"Better Relationships podcast."},{"startTime":94.36,"endTime":97.176,"body":"Today I'm talking about marriage problems"},{"startTime":97.208,"endTime":99.992,"body":"and solutions, and I'm Doctor Dara, the"},{"startTime":100.01599999999999,"endTime":102.8,"body":"relationship healer. I want you to"},{"startTime":102.84,"endTime":105.544,"body":"know that addressing"},{"startTime":105.592,"endTime":108.488,"body":"marriage problems and being able to"},{"startTime":108.544,"endTime":111.50399999999999,"body":"choose the best solution for yourself really"},{"startTime":111.592,"endTime":114.136,"body":"starts with becoming aware of"},{"startTime":114.208,"endTime":116.86,"body":"problematic relationship behaviors."},{"startTime":117.5,"endTime":120.46,"body":"As compassionate women, we prefer to keep our"},{"startTime":120.5,"endTime":123.25999999999999,"body":"relationships private, so it can be"},{"startTime":123.3,"endTime":126.044,"body":"challenging to admit that things aren't going well."},{"startTime":126.21199999999999,"endTime":129.204,"body":"You might feel as if you can't talk to anyone about it"},{"startTime":129.252,"endTime":132.14,"body":"out of embarrassment or thinking you should know what to"},{"startTime":132.18,"endTime":135.06,"body":"do or fear that someone in your community"},{"startTime":135.14,"endTime":138.1,"body":"is going to find out. Or you may feel"},{"startTime":138.14,"endTime":141.012,"body":"as if you've done everything you could, but nothing seems to"},{"startTime":141.036,"endTime":143.74,"body":"make a difference or changes"},{"startTime":143.82,"endTime":146.608,"body":"don't stick. It's really"},{"startTime":146.664,"endTime":149.26,"body":"disheartening when you think you're on your own."},{"startTime":150.24,"endTime":152.928,"body":"Creating healthier, happier, and harmonious"},{"startTime":153.024,"endTime":155.352,"body":"behaviors starts with having"},{"startTime":155.416,"endTime":157.94400000000002,"body":"awareness of what the destructive"},{"startTime":157.99200000000002,"endTime":160.84,"body":"behaviors are and a healthy dose"},{"startTime":160.88,"endTime":163.648,"body":"of self awareness so that you know"},{"startTime":163.824,"endTime":166.664,"body":"whether or not you are using those"},{"startTime":166.712,"endTime":168.82,"body":"behaviors in your relationship."},{"startTime":169.68,"endTime":172.584,"body":"Once you're aware of what you or your partner"},{"startTime":172.632,"endTime":175.406,"body":"may be doing that's not helpful or"},{"startTime":175.438,"endTime":178.302,"body":"healthy for your relationship, you can then"},{"startTime":178.36599999999999,"endTime":181.11,"body":"choose to work with a couples or marriage focused"},{"startTime":181.14999999999998,"endTime":184.13,"body":"relationship coach to help you identify"},{"startTime":184.47,"endTime":187.326,"body":"how did you learn that behavior? What"},{"startTime":187.358,"endTime":190.14999999999998,"body":"did you gain out of starting to use that"},{"startTime":190.19,"endTime":193.062,"body":"behavior? How is that behavior"},{"startTime":193.126,"endTime":196.014,"body":"affecting your current relationship, affecting"},{"startTime":196.062,"endTime":198.78199999999998,"body":"you and your partner? And are you getting the"},{"startTime":198.80599999999998,"endTime":201.79,"body":"results that you used to get by having this"},{"startTime":201.82999999999998,"endTime":203.09,"body":"behavior in place?"},{"startTime":204.89999999999998,"endTime":207.756,"body":"What to do to change the behavior and still get your"},{"startTime":207.788,"endTime":210.652,"body":"needs met and to build strategies and"},{"startTime":210.676,"endTime":213.228,"body":"develop strategies to build a healthier,"},{"startTime":213.404,"endTime":215.92000000000002,"body":"happier relationship with your partner."},{"startTime":217.38,"endTime":219.94,"body":"And that would be true whether you choose to stay or"},{"startTime":219.98000000000002,"endTime":222.3,"body":"not. It's really good to have"},{"startTime":222.33999999999997,"endTime":225.156,"body":"completion and closure if you"},{"startTime":225.188,"endTime":227.76,"body":"do decide to leave the relationship as well."},{"startTime":228.18,"endTime":231.036,"body":"I firmly believe that working on the issues in the"},{"startTime":231.06799999999998,"endTime":233.82799999999997,"body":"current relationship or shortly thereafter"},{"startTime":234.00400000000002,"endTime":236.752,"body":"is really a way to improve yourself,"},{"startTime":236.856,"endTime":239.712,"body":"make yourself a better person and a"},{"startTime":239.736,"endTime":242.67200000000003,"body":"better partner in the current relationship or"},{"startTime":242.69600000000003,"endTime":243.94,"body":"your next one?"},{"startTime":245.95999999999998,"endTime":248.62400000000002,"body":"I want to now make you aware of some destructive"},{"startTime":248.67200000000003,"endTime":251.55200000000002,"body":"behaviors that compassionate women do"},{"startTime":251.61599999999999,"endTime":254.248,"body":"engage in, believe it or not, that"},{"startTime":254.30399999999997,"endTime":256.68,"body":"are absolutely destructive to your"},{"startTime":256.71999999999997,"endTime":259.184,"body":"partner and your relationship and"},{"startTime":259.23199999999997,"endTime":260.7,"body":"ultimately to you."},{"startTime":262.01,"endTime":264.698,"body":"Assuming or thinking you know what your partner"},{"startTime":264.754,"endTime":266.46999999999997,"body":"thinks, wants or needs."},{"startTime":268.17,"endTime":270.962,"body":"Cutting off or interrupting your partner mid"},{"startTime":271.026,"endTime":273.602,"body":"sentence reacting"},{"startTime":273.666,"endTime":276.434,"body":"negatively, critically or defensively"},{"startTime":276.602,"endTime":279.602,"body":"versus neutrally or openly when your partner tells"},{"startTime":279.626,"endTime":282.37,"body":"you something and managing your"},{"startTime":282.41,"endTime":285.338,"body":"emotions and reactions in"},{"startTime":285.354,"endTime":286.99,"body":"the process of listening."},{"startTime":288.11,"endTime":290.21,"body":"Snooping through your partner's things,"},{"startTime":290.91,"endTime":293.59,"body":"getting overly upset when they pay attention to"},{"startTime":293.63,"endTime":296.614,"body":"others and not you. Not being"},{"startTime":296.662,"endTime":299.606,"body":"yourself around your partner, pretending to be who"},{"startTime":299.638,"endTime":302.55,"body":"you think they want you to be instead of showing"},{"startTime":302.59,"endTime":304.61,"body":"up as who you actually are."},{"startTime":305.67,"endTime":308.486,"body":"Insisting that your partner does or says something"},{"startTime":308.558,"endTime":310.29,"body":"they don't want to do or say"},{"startTime":311.15,"endTime":314.094,"body":"criticizing your partner for the way they help with day to"},{"startTime":314.142,"endTime":317.078,"body":"day activities rather than accepting the way they do"},{"startTime":317.134,"endTime":320.066,"body":"things not allowing your"},{"startTime":320.098,"endTime":323.01,"body":"partner to love you the way they show, say and"},{"startTime":323.05,"endTime":326.034,"body":"express love, which could be very different"},{"startTime":326.082,"endTime":328.874,"body":"from the way you show, express and say"},{"startTime":328.962,"endTime":330.23,"body":"that you love them. M"},{"startTime":331.65,"endTime":334.306,"body":"keeping quiet to keep the peace when things your"},{"startTime":334.338,"endTime":336.39,"body":"partner does bothers you."},{"startTime":337.33,"endTime":340.19,"body":"Concealing or withholding things from your partner"},{"startTime":340.69,"endTime":343.63,"body":"making agreements only to break them afterwards"},{"startTime":344.34,"endTime":347.14,"body":"pushing your partner to change so that you can make"},{"startTime":347.18,"endTime":349.772,"body":"them fit into a mold that suits"},{"startTime":349.83599999999996,"endTime":350.44,"body":"you."},{"startTime":351.9,"endTime":354.61199999999997,"body":"Stonewalling, which means shutting down during"},{"startTime":354.676,"endTime":357.07599999999996,"body":"arguments or refusing to communicate at"},{"startTime":357.108,"endTime":359.948,"body":"all withholding affection,"},{"startTime":360.084,"endTime":363.044,"body":"which means using affection as a bargaining tool."},{"startTime":363.212,"endTime":365.12,"body":"Reward or punishment."},{"startTime":366.41999999999996,"endTime":369.388,"body":"Passive aggressiveness, which is expressing negative"},{"startTime":369.44399999999996,"endTime":372.43,"body":"feelings indirectly rather than openly discussing them."},{"startTime":372.43,"endTime":375.056,"body":"M with your partner that could show up as"},{"startTime":375.08799999999997,"endTime":377.656,"body":"sarcasm or cynicism as"},{"startTime":377.688,"endTime":380.56,"body":"well. Constantly"},{"startTime":380.59999999999997,"endTime":382.46,"body":"comparing yourself with others"},{"startTime":383.68,"endTime":386.57599999999996,"body":"retreating in silence during conflict or"},{"startTime":386.608,"endTime":388.91999999999996,"body":"refusing to speak. Also known as the silent"},{"startTime":388.96,"endTime":391.912,"body":"treatment. Blaming always"},{"startTime":391.976,"endTime":394.296,"body":"pointing the finger at your partner instead of taking"},{"startTime":394.368,"endTime":397.18,"body":"responsibility for your own actions and needs."},{"startTime":398.28,"endTime":401.23199999999997,"body":"Possessiveness continually suspecting your partner"},{"startTime":401.296,"endTime":403.52799999999996,"body":"is untrustworthy without any"},{"startTime":403.584,"endTime":406.558,"body":"basis. Neglect of self"},{"startTime":406.614,"endTime":409.22999999999996,"body":"care disregarding your own emotional and"},{"startTime":409.27,"endTime":411.69399999999996,"body":"physical well being while also"},{"startTime":411.782,"endTime":414.09,"body":"complaining about it to your partner."},{"startTime":415.03,"endTime":417.686,"body":"Overdependence. You rely so much on your"},{"startTime":417.71799999999996,"endTime":420.63,"body":"partner such that he or she becomes your only"},{"startTime":420.71,"endTime":421.93,"body":"support system"},{"startTime":423.07,"endTime":425.63,"body":"crossing borders not"},{"startTime":425.66999999999996,"endTime":427.87,"body":"respecting your partner's personal space and"},{"startTime":427.90999999999997,"endTime":430.30199999999996,"body":"boundaries unresolved"},{"startTime":430.366,"endTime":433.342,"body":"issues from past relationships that"},{"startTime":433.366,"endTime":436.038,"body":"are spilling into your current relationship and creating"},{"startTime":436.094,"endTime":439.09,"body":"problems and not recognizing"},{"startTime":439.13,"endTime":441.914,"body":"what your partner does for you and instead hyper"},{"startTime":441.962,"endTime":444.19,"body":"focusing on what they're not doing."},{"startTime":445.57,"endTime":448.57,"body":"By recognizing these behaviors and replacing them with"},{"startTime":448.60999999999996,"endTime":450.94599999999997,"body":"new, healthier ones and actually"},{"startTime":451.018,"endTime":453.954,"body":"transforming them, you can address"},{"startTime":454.042,"endTime":456.99399999999997,"body":"the core problems in your relationship and work toward"},{"startTime":457.042,"endTime":459.28999999999996,"body":"building a healthier and happier one with your"},{"startTime":459.33,"endTime":460.07,"body":"partner."},{"startTime":462.78,"endTime":465.756,"body":"I want to share a few practical strategies"},{"startTime":465.828,"endTime":468.73199999999997,"body":"that you can use to help improve your relationship. Coming"},{"startTime":468.796,"endTime":471.236,"body":"from me as a compassionate"},{"startTime":471.388,"endTime":473.44,"body":"relationship coach,"},{"startTime":474.9,"endTime":477.12,"body":"identify dissimilarities."},{"startTime":477.74,"endTime":480.644,"body":"I want you to note down everything that you don't agree with"},{"startTime":480.692,"endTime":483.63599999999997,"body":"regarding your partner, including the things you don't want to"},{"startTime":483.668,"endTime":486.58799999999997,"body":"acknowledge or that you explain away because"},{"startTime":486.68399999999997,"endTime":489.62,"body":"of the good times or things they do for you or for"},{"startTime":489.65999999999997,"endTime":492.542,"body":"others. Identify what"},{"startTime":492.606,"endTime":495.05,"body":"is working in your relationship next,"},{"startTime":495.71,"endTime":498.542,"body":"rather than hyper focusing on what's not working, could"},{"startTime":498.566,"endTime":501.34999999999997,"body":"you identify all the things that do work for"},{"startTime":501.39,"endTime":503.65,"body":"you, your partner, and your relationship?"},{"startTime":504.10999999999996,"endTime":506.902,"body":"I often find in my work with couples, their focus"},{"startTime":506.966,"endTime":509.03,"body":"is mostly oriented on the problems in their"},{"startTime":509.07,"endTime":511.854,"body":"relationship. As we unpack the"},{"startTime":511.902,"endTime":514.734,"body":"issues, I usually find a whole lot more"},{"startTime":514.782,"endTime":517.206,"body":"of the good in the relationship than the"},{"startTime":517.238,"endTime":519.934,"body":"problems. The problems end up only being"},{"startTime":519.982,"endTime":522.794,"body":"about ten or 20%"},{"startTime":522.8820000000001,"endTime":525.77,"body":"at most when you look"},{"startTime":525.8100000000001,"endTime":528.63,"body":"at the whole of the relationship."},{"startTime":530.29,"endTime":533.03,"body":"Instead of trying to change your partner as a person,"},{"startTime":533.49,"endTime":535.85,"body":"focus on self improvement by asking"},{"startTime":535.89,"endTime":538.274,"body":"yourself, what more can I do to honor"},{"startTime":538.322,"endTime":540.474,"body":"myself? Change my destructive"},{"startTime":540.522,"endTime":543.362,"body":"behaviors, work on getting my"},{"startTime":543.386,"endTime":546.226,"body":"own needs met, being clear when I"},{"startTime":546.258,"endTime":548.9060000000001,"body":"communicate, and communicate in an empowering"},{"startTime":548.938,"endTime":551.396,"body":"way to become a better person and"},{"startTime":551.428,"endTime":552.2,"body":"partner."},{"startTime":554.38,"endTime":557.356,"body":"Heal negative communication stop"},{"startTime":557.468,"endTime":559.74,"body":"blaming, criticizing, nagging, or"},{"startTime":559.78,"endTime":562.556,"body":"complaining about yourself or your"},{"startTime":562.588,"endTime":565.188,"body":"partner's actions towards you, or use"},{"startTime":565.244,"endTime":567.948,"body":"sarcasm to make a point instead."},{"startTime":568.0840000000001,"endTime":570.8000000000001,"body":"Learn compassionate communication skills"},{"startTime":572.86,"endTime":575.2040000000001,"body":"I have a toolkit that can help you learn"},{"startTime":575.2520000000001,"endTime":578.148,"body":"compassionate communication skills in a"},{"startTime":578.164,"endTime":580.718,"body":"very simple way, with conversation"},{"startTime":580.814,"endTime":583.542,"body":"scripts and worksheets for you to"},{"startTime":583.566,"endTime":586.51,"body":"practice with. You can get your toolkit"},{"startTime":586.59,"endTime":587.95,"body":"at toolkit dot"},{"startTime":587.99,"endTime":590.09,"body":"drdarhawks.com"},{"startTime":593.63,"endTime":596.278,"body":"another strategy is to get out of gridlock."},{"startTime":596.414,"endTime":599.35,"body":"At times, you both may find that you're fighting over the same"},{"startTime":599.4300000000001,"endTime":602.3180000000001,"body":"thing. Learning how to express your feelings in a"},{"startTime":602.3340000000001,"endTime":605.142,"body":"healthy way can help you acknowledge that you're on the"},{"startTime":605.166,"endTime":608.075,"body":"same page with the issue. That could then lead you"},{"startTime":608.1070000000001,"endTime":610.523,"body":"towards being able to establish some common"},{"startTime":610.571,"endTime":613.523,"body":"grounds and mutually work on finding"},{"startTime":613.571,"endTime":616.159,"body":"solutions that work for both of you."},{"startTime":616.8190000000001,"endTime":619.691,"body":"Decide together determine what categories"},{"startTime":619.755,"endTime":622.163,"body":"in your lives require you"},{"startTime":622.211,"endTime":625.195,"body":"to decide"},{"startTime":625.267,"endTime":627.94,"body":"together. I, want you to work with your partner and"},{"startTime":627.9720000000001,"endTime":630.332,"body":"identify what categories in your lives"},{"startTime":630.388,"endTime":633.332,"body":"together require that you both collaborate"},{"startTime":633.388,"endTime":636.308,"body":"on decision making versus making decisions"},{"startTime":636.356,"endTime":639.3230000000001,"body":"on your own. Including your partner in"},{"startTime":639.339,"endTime":642.1310000000001,"body":"their perspectives when you make decisions shows that you are"},{"startTime":642.163,"endTime":645.147,"body":"including them. Even if you end up not moving forward"},{"startTime":645.331,"endTime":647.215,"body":"with what they said you wanted,"},{"startTime":648.315,"endTime":651.0350000000001,"body":"even if you end up not moving forward with what they"},{"startTime":651.075,"endTime":653.4830000000001,"body":"said they wanted, you can"},{"startTime":653.539,"endTime":656.243,"body":"still follow through on what you're"},{"startTime":656.2990000000001,"endTime":659.267,"body":"wanting and communicate that in a healthy way so"},{"startTime":659.291,"endTime":661.739,"body":"that your partner accepts that it's ultimately your"},{"startTime":661.787,"endTime":664.701,"body":"choice. But having a"},{"startTime":704.4730000000001,"endTime":707.3610000000001,"body":"pre determined agreement as to which"},{"startTime":707.4330000000001,"endTime":710.3290000000001,"body":"topics require you both"},{"startTime":710.3770000000001,"endTime":713.0050000000001,"body":"to make the decision together versus not"},{"startTime":713.5450000000001,"endTime":716.2010000000001,"body":"is a really healthy thing to have."},{"startTime":716.3930000000001,"endTime":719.287,"body":"For example, maybe you and your partner have, an"},{"startTime":719.311,"endTime":722.0790000000001,"body":"agreement that if either of you is going to spend more than dollar"},{"startTime":722.0870000000001,"endTime":724.8870000000001,"body":"300, that you discuss it with each other first"},{"startTime":725.0310000000001,"endTime":727.8550000000001,"body":"and make a healthy financial decision for"},{"startTime":727.9350000000001,"endTime":730.7010000000001,"body":"your family. Or you"},{"startTime":730.7330000000001,"endTime":733.7090000000001,"body":"might decide that a job change is something"},{"startTime":733.7570000000001,"endTime":736.7410000000001,"body":"that you have to discuss with your partner and collaborate"},{"startTime":736.8930000000001,"endTime":738.8930000000001,"body":"on what the best decision is"},{"startTime":738.9490000000001,"endTime":741.8370000000001,"body":"holistically. The"},{"startTime":741.8610000000001,"endTime":744.565,"body":"next strategy is for you to validate emotions,"},{"startTime":744.7250000000001,"endTime":747.5330000000001,"body":"understand that what you and your partner feels"},{"startTime":747.6290000000001,"endTime":750.613,"body":"is right for them in that moment, and"},{"startTime":750.6690000000001,"endTime":753.4290000000001,"body":"frankly, is in that moment. It stays in that"},{"startTime":753.4770000000001,"endTime":756.1030000000001,"body":"moment. This is true for you too,"},{"startTime":756.2790000000001,"endTime":758.4870000000001,"body":"because emotions aren't"},{"startTime":758.671,"endTime":761.527,"body":"static, they're fluid. So it's good"},{"startTime":761.551,"endTime":764.3990000000001,"body":"to check in with them to see if anything has changed."},{"startTime":764.527,"endTime":766.863,"body":"This will create room for better understanding. Going"},{"startTime":766.9190000000001,"endTime":769.839,"body":"forward will allow both of you to have time"},{"startTime":769.8870000000001,"endTime":772.6310000000001,"body":"to process things and be able to support"},{"startTime":772.7030000000001,"endTime":775.7030000000001,"body":"each other where needed. When things are shared in"},{"startTime":775.719,"endTime":778.4150000000001,"body":"the m moment, giving you and your"},{"startTime":778.455,"endTime":780.9630000000001,"body":"partner the opportunity to process it"},{"startTime":781.1190000000001,"endTime":784.0590000000001,"body":"and to adjust your"},{"startTime":784.1070000000001,"endTime":786.9870000000001,"body":"perspectives after the fact is a very"},{"startTime":787.051,"endTime":788.3750000000001,"body":"healthy thing to do."},{"startTime":793.315,"endTime":795.9350000000001,"body":"Avoid competing against one another."},{"startTime":796.315,"endTime":799.291,"body":"Couples who have power as their dominant primary"},{"startTime":799.363,"endTime":802.1390000000001,"body":"relationship need can engage in"},{"startTime":802.1870000000001,"endTime":805.1310000000001,"body":"competitive behaviors and communication that"},{"startTime":805.1630000000001,"endTime":807.941,"body":"can cause issues in their relationship later"},{"startTime":808.013,"endTime":810.9250000000001,"body":"on. Always competing and trying to one"},{"startTime":810.965,"endTime":813.7810000000001,"body":"up each other can exhaust your partner"},{"startTime":813.9330000000001,"endTime":816.6210000000001,"body":"and create division in your relationship."},{"startTime":816.8130000000001,"endTime":819.469,"body":"If you want to learn what your dominant"},{"startTime":819.517,"endTime":822.0210000000001,"body":"primary relationship need is and what your"},{"startTime":822.0530000000001,"endTime":824.6850000000001,"body":"partner's in, you can both go and take my"},{"startTime":824.7250000000001,"endTime":826.7490000000001,"body":"quiz at needs dot"},{"startTime":826.7970000000001,"endTime":829.1450000000001,"body":"drdarhawks.com."},{"startTime":830.4850000000001,"endTime":833.2210000000001,"body":"the next strategy is having different viewpoints"},{"startTime":833.2930000000001,"endTime":836.2690000000001,"body":"and knowing and accepting that different"},{"startTime":836.3170000000001,"endTime":839.0770000000001,"body":"viewpoints matter. Learn how to"},{"startTime":839.1010000000001,"endTime":842.0050000000001,"body":"recognize and value each other's perspectives and views."},{"startTime":842.085,"endTime":844.705,"body":"You don't have to agree with each other on everything."},{"startTime":845.1650000000001,"endTime":847.6930000000001,"body":"Having alignment on your core values,"},{"startTime":847.7890000000001,"endTime":850.7090000000001,"body":"relationship goals and lifestyle does"},{"startTime":850.7570000000001,"endTime":853.4610000000001,"body":"create a solid foundation for your relationship,"},{"startTime":853.613,"endTime":855.6370000000001,"body":"which can then allow for"},{"startTime":855.7010000000001,"endTime":858.7010000000001,"body":"accepting, not necessarily agreeing to"},{"startTime":858.7730000000001,"endTime":860.3850000000001,"body":"varying viewpoints."},{"startTime":862.325,"endTime":865.277,"body":"The last strategy that I have for you today is to give each"},{"startTime":865.301,"endTime":867.7850000000001,"body":"other space in a respectful way"},{"startTime":868.325,"endTime":871.1730000000001,"body":"when you or your partner needs their own independence,"},{"startTime":871.2690000000001,"endTime":874.0050000000001,"body":"freedom and space. Whether they've asked for it"},{"startTime":874.085,"endTime":877.0690000000001,"body":"or they are showing they need space by being"},{"startTime":877.1170000000001,"endTime":880.1170000000001,"body":"quiet, withdrawing or they start doing things"},{"startTime":880.181,"endTime":882.8650000000001,"body":"on their own is important."},{"startTime":884.445,"endTime":887.3570000000001,"body":"Also, if you or your partner has the"},{"startTime":887.421,"endTime":889.8450000000001,"body":"dominant primary relationship need of"},{"startTime":889.8850000000001,"endTime":892.7250000000001,"body":"freedom, then giving each other space is"},{"startTime":892.7650000000001,"endTime":895.6050000000001,"body":"going to be essential. You can take"},{"startTime":895.6450000000001,"endTime":898.2690000000001,"body":"the quiz to learn whether freedom is your"},{"startTime":898.3170000000001,"endTime":900.8130000000001,"body":"dominant primary relationship need"},{"startTime":900.989,"endTime":902.2130000000001,"body":"at needs dot"},{"startTime":902.2690000000001,"endTime":905.1010000000001,"body":"drdarhawks.com invite"},{"startTime":905.133,"endTime":907.2650000000001,"body":"your partner to take the quiz as well."},{"startTime":908.085,"endTime":910.7890000000001,"body":"Here are some alternatives to therapy or marriage"},{"startTime":910.8370000000001,"endTime":913.5490000000001,"body":"counseling for solving marriage problems."},{"startTime":913.7170000000001,"endTime":916.4770000000001,"body":"There are many alternatives and many ways to"},{"startTime":916.5010000000001,"endTime":919.4350000000001,"body":"solve problems in your marriage without traditional"},{"startTime":919.4750000000001,"endTime":922.4350000000001,"body":"therapy, which I'm finding is becoming"},{"startTime":922.5150000000001,"endTime":925.267,"body":"increasingly unappealing to couples for"},{"startTime":925.291,"endTime":928.027,"body":"various reasons. Most couples who"},{"startTime":928.051,"endTime":930.6270000000001,"body":"hire me have tried couples therapy"},{"startTime":930.811,"endTime":933.5710000000001,"body":"but complained of bias towards their partner,"},{"startTime":933.6830000000001,"endTime":936.2990000000001,"body":"an ideology or religion or"},{"startTime":936.3470000000001,"endTime":938.6750000000001,"body":"homogeneous cultural, tribal or"},{"startTime":938.715,"endTime":941.3070000000001,"body":"societal approaches to what a marriage should"},{"startTime":941.3710000000001,"endTime":944.2730000000001,"body":"be. Instead of respecting"},{"startTime":944.4590000000001,"endTime":947.4370000000001,"body":"each partner's perspective and finding"},{"startTime":947.5010000000001,"endTime":949.965,"body":"ways to mediate and facilitate"},{"startTime":950.1250000000001,"endTime":952.9010000000001,"body":"common ground and solutions that benefit"},{"startTime":953.0530000000001,"endTime":955.7330000000001,"body":"both partners based on who they are,"},{"startTime":955.8690000000001,"endTime":958.6290000000001,"body":"their backgrounds and their lifestyle,"},{"startTime":958.7570000000001,"endTime":961.4250000000001,"body":"the way they think, their personalities,"},{"startTime":961.8050000000001,"endTime":964.5250000000001,"body":"and what their preferences are, and"},{"startTime":964.6050000000001,"endTime":967.3050000000001,"body":"what their primary relationship needs are,"},{"startTime":969.7750000000001,"endTime":972.191,"body":"there are experiential methods that you can"},{"startTime":972.2230000000001,"endTime":975.167,"body":"try. Experiential methods"},{"startTime":975.2310000000001,"endTime":977.8230000000001,"body":"involve marriage enrichment programs which"},{"startTime":977.8790000000001,"endTime":980.479,"body":"consist of structured sets of"},{"startTime":980.527,"endTime":983.455,"body":"activities, workshops or retreats designed"},{"startTime":983.4950000000001,"endTime":986.1590000000001,"body":"to strengthen and improve existing"},{"startTime":986.2070000000001,"endTime":989.1510000000001,"body":"marital relationships, oftentimes in a"},{"startTime":989.1830000000001,"endTime":991.3990000000001,"body":"group setting with some individual"},{"startTime":991.5670000000001,"endTime":994.2070000000001,"body":"time, these programs typically"},{"startTime":994.2710000000001,"endTime":996.4350000000001,"body":"focus on enhancing communication,"},{"startTime":996.7450000000001,"endTime":999.729,"body":"conflict resolution, intimacy, and relationship"},{"startTime":999.777,"endTime":1002.7450000000001,"body":"satisfaction. Key components of a marriage"},{"startTime":1002.7850000000001,"endTime":1005.4250000000001,"body":"enrichment program might include workshops and"},{"startTime":1005.465,"endTime":1008.3930000000001,"body":"seminars to learn new skills and strategies"},{"startTime":1008.4490000000001,"endTime":1011.2570000000001,"body":"for improving your relationship. Couples"},{"startTime":1011.3210000000001,"endTime":1014.2170000000001,"body":"retreats are immersive experiences that allow"},{"startTime":1014.2810000000001,"endTime":1016.441,"body":"couples to focus on their relationship without"},{"startTime":1016.513,"endTime":1019.417,"body":"distractions. It's kind of like a vacation to"},{"startTime":1019.441,"endTime":1022.3850000000001,"body":"work on your relationship. Be"},{"startTime":1022.4250000000001,"endTime":1025.393,"body":"sure when you're looking at workshops and seminars or couples"},{"startTime":1025.449,"endTime":1028.097,"body":"retreats that you align with the message of"},{"startTime":1028.161,"endTime":1030.717,"body":"the person, putting"},{"startTime":1030.861,"endTime":1033.805,"body":"the person responsible for delivering the"},{"startTime":1033.845,"endTime":1036.781,"body":"content and the material. Make sure you"},{"startTime":1036.813,"endTime":1039.733,"body":"align with their values and their belief systems,"},{"startTime":1039.909,"endTime":1042.813,"body":"and make sure that you're comfortable with how"},{"startTime":1042.8690000000001,"endTime":1045.285,"body":"much group work there is"},{"startTime":1045.445,"endTime":1048.405,"body":"versus individual versus couples work"},{"startTime":1048.525,"endTime":1050.741,"body":"and how much interaction you will have with the"},{"startTime":1050.7730000000001,"endTime":1053.505,"body":"instructor and also, frankly,"},{"startTime":1053.805,"endTime":1056.297,"body":"any distraction type"},{"startTime":1056.361,"endTime":1058.765,"body":"activities. So if you're on a retreat,"},{"startTime":1059.2250000000001,"endTime":1062.097,"body":"maybe there are some excursions where you're going to see"},{"startTime":1062.121,"endTime":1065.025,"body":"the country that you're in or an outdoor"},{"startTime":1065.065,"endTime":1067.7450000000001,"body":"adventure of some sort so that you're not"},{"startTime":1067.865,"endTime":1070.417,"body":"100% totally focused on working on the"},{"startTime":1070.441,"endTime":1073.121,"body":"relationship, because that can create an"},{"startTime":1073.153,"endTime":1075.765,"body":"issue. If all you're doing"},{"startTime":1076.145,"endTime":1078.953,"body":"all weekend long or all week long"},{"startTime":1079.1290000000001,"endTime":1081.729,"body":"is focusing on your relationship and its"},{"startTime":1081.777,"endTime":1084.673,"body":"problems and making them better, that is not going to be a"},{"startTime":1084.689,"endTime":1087.4950000000001,"body":"fun experience experience for either of you."},{"startTime":1089.155,"endTime":1091.611,"body":"Enrichment programs can also consist of outdoor"},{"startTime":1091.643,"endTime":1094.155,"body":"adventures where you do things in"},{"startTime":1094.195,"endTime":1096.723,"body":"nature that builds connection"},{"startTime":1096.859,"endTime":1099.595,"body":"and helps you both problem solve"},{"startTime":1099.755,"endTime":1102.699,"body":"through guided, shared group experiences. But"},{"startTime":1102.747,"endTime":1105.491,"body":"you're not necessarily working on the relationship."},{"startTime":1105.643,"endTime":1108.459,"body":"You're working on how to build connection and how to solve"},{"startTime":1108.507,"endTime":1111.165,"body":"problems and make decisions together through"},{"startTime":1111.2450000000001,"endTime":1114.013,"body":"activities out in nature, which is really a great"},{"startTime":1114.069,"endTime":1116.385,"body":"way to create connection."},{"startTime":1116.805,"endTime":1119.709,"body":"Caution, though, for you, is that this can"},{"startTime":1119.757,"endTime":1122.461,"body":"also amplify"},{"startTime":1122.653,"endTime":1125.093,"body":"problems that you're having in your relationship,"},{"startTime":1125.189,"endTime":1127.901,"body":"and the facilitators may not be"},{"startTime":1127.933,"endTime":1130.7730000000001,"body":"equipped to help you navigate that conflict"},{"startTime":1130.829,"endTime":1133.545,"body":"while it's happening during the outdoor adventure."},{"startTime":1134.405,"endTime":1137.133,"body":"Also, some programs do incorporate couples"},{"startTime":1137.189,"endTime":1140.143,"body":"counseling, therapy, or coaching. The"},{"startTime":1140.159,"endTime":1143.039,"body":"goal of these programs is to help couples build a"},{"startTime":1143.207,"endTime":1145.675,"body":"stronger, more fulfilling partnership."},{"startTime":1146.655,"endTime":1149.463,"body":"I can tell you that couples who really, want"},{"startTime":1149.519,"endTime":1152.495,"body":"to give their relationship a last ditch effort to"},{"startTime":1152.535,"endTime":1155.3509999999999,"body":"save it have found that those options, the"},{"startTime":1155.383,"endTime":1158.135,"body":"marriage enrichment programs, while they helped them"},{"startTime":1158.175,"endTime":1160.7549999999999,"body":"individually, they didn't necessarily help"},{"startTime":1161.535,"endTime":1164.215,"body":"them and their relationship get"},{"startTime":1164.295,"endTime":1167.271,"body":"better. It actually amplified the issues that they were"},{"startTime":1167.3029999999999,"endTime":1170.271,"body":"already happening. So the marriage"},{"startTime":1170.3029999999999,"endTime":1173.187,"body":"enrichment programs, I think, are for couples that"},{"startTime":1173.3709999999999,"endTime":1176.283,"body":"just want to have different activities to"},{"startTime":1176.299,"endTime":1178.995,"body":"build a stronger relationship, or who have some"},{"startTime":1179.035,"endTime":1181.947,"body":"minor issues that they want to work through, or"},{"startTime":1181.971,"endTime":1184.843,"body":"who want to learn new skills and strategies for"},{"startTime":1184.899,"endTime":1187.135,"body":"building a healthier relationship."},{"startTime":1187.915,"endTime":1190.859,"body":"There are also holistic methods, mindfulness"},{"startTime":1190.907,"endTime":1193.107,"body":"and meditation where you learn techniques and"},{"startTime":1193.131,"endTime":1195.5629999999999,"body":"practices to help reduce stress"},{"startTime":1195.619,"endTime":1198.499,"body":"levels, manage anger issues and improve"},{"startTime":1198.587,"endTime":1201.403,"body":"emotional control. Those are"},{"startTime":1201.499,"endTime":1204.067,"body":"really great activities to do together as a"},{"startTime":1204.091,"endTime":1206.507,"body":"couple. Sharing that quiet,"},{"startTime":1206.6109999999999,"endTime":1209.523,"body":"silent, sacred space is, believe it"},{"startTime":1209.539,"endTime":1212.195,"body":"or not, a wonderful way to create"},{"startTime":1212.2749999999999,"endTime":1215.045,"body":"connection with you and your partner. We m"},{"startTime":1215.203,"endTime":1217.0149999999999,"body":"don't have to talk all the time"},{"startTime":1218.315,"endTime":1220.415,"body":"couples or marriage"},{"startTime":1220.835,"endTime":1223.347,"body":"relationship coaching involves"},{"startTime":1223.451,"endTime":1226.283,"body":"personalized guidance and support customized"},{"startTime":1226.339,"endTime":1229.161,"body":"to you and your partner, provided by"},{"startTime":1229.193,"endTime":1231.713,"body":"a trained professional relationship coach like"},{"startTime":1231.769,"endTime":1234.4569999999999,"body":"me who actually has training"},{"startTime":1234.561,"endTime":1237.465,"body":"and practice to work with couples as opposed"},{"startTime":1237.5049999999999,"endTime":1240.481,"body":"to individuals. Relationship coaches"},{"startTime":1240.513,"endTime":1243.329,"body":"and couples coaches as well as marriage coaches"},{"startTime":1243.4569999999999,"endTime":1245.889,"body":"have vast experiences, background"},{"startTime":1245.9769999999999,"endTime":1248.881,"body":"education and methodologies they use to"},{"startTime":1248.913,"endTime":1250.205,"body":"support their clients."},{"startTime":1252.105,"endTime":1254.045,"body":"It's a good idea to"},{"startTime":1255.155,"endTime":1258.091,"body":"learn what those experiences, education"},{"startTime":1258.203,"endTime":1260.995,"body":"and methodologies are and to step out of"},{"startTime":1261.035,"endTime":1263.155,"body":"your comfort zone and try some new"},{"startTime":1263.195,"endTime":1266.075,"body":"approaches. There's so much available out"},{"startTime":1266.115,"endTime":1268.771,"body":"there that traditional therapy or"},{"startTime":1268.8029999999999,"endTime":1270.975,"body":"coaching doesn't offer."},{"startTime":1272.995,"endTime":1275.683,"body":"Sex therapy professional sex therapists"},{"startTime":1275.739,"endTime":1278.723,"body":"provide solutions if sex, romance and intimacy"},{"startTime":1278.819,"endTime":1281.745,"body":"is found to be the main or soul issue"},{"startTime":1281.785,"endTime":1284.545,"body":"in your relationship. Once again,"},{"startTime":1284.625,"endTime":1287.057,"body":"make sure that you hire someone that you"},{"startTime":1287.1209999999999,"endTime":1289.849,"body":"absolutely trust with your life and your"},{"startTime":1289.897,"endTime":1292.405,"body":"sacred thoughts and feelings,"},{"startTime":1292.745,"endTime":1295.645,"body":"and who facilitates"},{"startTime":1295.985,"endTime":1298.857,"body":"connectedness, trust and safety for you"},{"startTime":1298.881,"endTime":1301.485,"body":"and your partner and"},{"startTime":1301.865,"endTime":1304.801,"body":"who communicates in a way that you understand and"},{"startTime":1304.833,"endTime":1307.685,"body":"appreciate and feel nurtured. That would be true"},{"startTime":1307.725,"endTime":1310.677,"body":"for all three of the holistic methods if"},{"startTime":1310.701,"endTime":1312.945,"body":"I were to be completely honest with you."},{"startTime":1313.445,"endTime":1316.261,"body":"There are also creative approaches which I tend"},{"startTime":1316.293,"endTime":1319.085,"body":"to enjoy as well. An employee in my"},{"startTime":1319.205,"endTime":1320.985,"body":"coaching company and business"},{"startTime":1322.125,"endTime":1324.9089999999999,"body":"relationship check ins are the first one. They're"},{"startTime":1324.9569999999999,"endTime":1327.837,"body":"structured, regular conversations that you schedule"},{"startTime":1327.8609999999999,"endTime":1330.581,"body":"with your partner and that are"},{"startTime":1330.613,"endTime":1333.565,"body":"designed to prevent situations from escalating"},{"startTime":1333.645,"endTime":1336.5249999999999,"body":"further. My better relationships"},{"startTime":1336.565,"endTime":1339.389,"body":"toolkit or my relationship vitality"},{"startTime":1339.437,"endTime":1342.405,"body":"plan for couples, it will help you do"},{"startTime":1342.445,"endTime":1345.093,"body":"that in a structured, non invasive,"},{"startTime":1345.189,"endTime":1347.2649999999999,"body":"non conflict generating way."},{"startTime":1348.405,"endTime":1351.093,"body":"You can get the toolkit at toolkit dot"},{"startTime":1351.149,"endTime":1353.305,"body":"drdarhawks.com"},{"startTime":1353.965,"endTime":1356.901,"body":"or the vitality plan at vitality"},{"startTime":1356.973,"endTime":1359.305,"body":"dot drdarhawks.com"},{"startTime":1359.685,"endTime":1361.945,"body":"and learn more about them."},{"startTime":1362.365,"endTime":1364.8609999999999,"body":"Another creative approach is the primary"},{"startTime":1364.933,"endTime":1367.145,"body":"relationship needs quiz."},{"startTime":1367.845,"endTime":1370.653,"body":"This is about understanding each other deeper by"},{"startTime":1370.709,"endTime":1373.661,"body":"knowing how best each of you communicates"},{"startTime":1373.733,"endTime":1376.7169999999999,"body":"love towards each other so that connection"},{"startTime":1376.781,"endTime":1379.741,"body":"between you grows stronger and how to get"},{"startTime":1379.773,"endTime":1382.205,"body":"your needs met. There is an underlying"},{"startTime":1382.325,"endTime":1384.6689999999999,"body":"dominant need that each of you"},{"startTime":1384.7169999999999,"endTime":1386.965,"body":"have and if conflicts are"},{"startTime":1387.0049999999999,"endTime":1389.927,"body":"happening. I have found in my work with couples"},{"startTime":1389.991,"endTime":1392.855,"body":"over the last two decades that their needs are"},{"startTime":1392.895,"endTime":1395.7749999999999,"body":"in conflict with each other and so"},{"startTime":1395.855,"endTime":1398.7749999999999,"body":"understanding that takes the edge out of the"},{"startTime":1398.815,"endTime":1401.637,"body":"conflict and allows you both to say, I"},{"startTime":1401.661,"endTime":1404.365,"body":"didn't understand that. About that underlying need you"},{"startTime":1404.405,"endTime":1406.997,"body":"have, I see that I need to communicate"},{"startTime":1407.061,"endTime":1409.9089999999999,"body":"differently so that you hear and understand"},{"startTime":1410.037,"endTime":1412.869,"body":"me and you do the same"},{"startTime":1412.917,"endTime":1415.743,"body":"for me. It is a magical, miraculous"},{"startTime":1415.839,"endTime":1418.399,"body":"approach that's very simple to"},{"startTime":1418.447,"endTime":1421.1109999999999,"body":"implement regardless of where you are in your"},{"startTime":1421.143,"endTime":1423.7269999999999,"body":"relationship. The third one is date nights with a"},{"startTime":1423.751,"endTime":1425.983,"body":"twist. It involves doing new"},{"startTime":1426.039,"endTime":1428.475,"body":"activities with your partner"},{"startTime":1429.0149999999999,"endTime":1432.0149999999999,"body":"on a date because that can bring shared"},{"startTime":1432.055,"endTime":1434.663,"body":"interest in each other. And a new activity"},{"startTime":1434.799,"endTime":1437.7749999999999,"body":"that neither have participated in brings some"},{"startTime":1437.855,"endTime":1440.461,"body":"newness into your relationship that,"},{"startTime":1440.493,"endTime":1443.197,"body":"frankly, you used to do during the initial stages of"},{"startTime":1443.221,"endTime":1446.013,"body":"dating each other. Learning something new"},{"startTime":1446.069,"endTime":1448.9569999999999,"body":"is a great thing to do together doesn't mean you've got to do"},{"startTime":1448.981,"endTime":1451.965,"body":"it every, you know, every week as a hobby."},{"startTime":1452.125,"endTime":1455.085,"body":"But trying new things, learning new things,"},{"startTime":1455.245,"endTime":1457.989,"body":"taking a class together, those things help"},{"startTime":1458.037,"endTime":1460.845,"body":"draw you closer. Even taking classes"},{"startTime":1460.885,"endTime":1463.877,"body":"that require thinking and dialogue will help"},{"startTime":1463.901,"endTime":1466.661,"body":"you draw closer. the other thing also is"},{"startTime":1466.693,"endTime":1468.9569999999999,"body":"showing an interest in each other's"},{"startTime":1469.1009999999999,"endTime":1471.509,"body":"careers and getting"},{"startTime":1471.597,"endTime":1474.541,"body":"into conversations to"},{"startTime":1474.5729999999999,"endTime":1477.397,"body":"deepen the understanding of what it is your partner"},{"startTime":1477.461,"endTime":1480.421,"body":"does and them as to what you do for"},{"startTime":1480.453,"endTime":1482.893,"body":"a career, what your day's like."},{"startTime":1482.989,"endTime":1485.917,"body":"Those conversations can get real boring if we"},{"startTime":1485.941,"endTime":1488.8129999999999,"body":"don't share a lot of information"},{"startTime":1488.949,"endTime":1491.305,"body":"about it. Instead of just saying it was fine,"},{"startTime":1491.835,"endTime":1494.699,"body":"share more about you. Share that. You know what? I"},{"startTime":1494.7069999999999,"endTime":1497.427,"body":"was outside and I saw this beautiful hummingbird come"},{"startTime":1497.531,"endTime":1500.4669999999999,"body":"to me right in my face, and I watched"},{"startTime":1500.491,"endTime":1503.043,"body":"it for a few seconds, and then I watched it fly away"},{"startTime":1503.099,"endTime":1505.387,"body":"into the palm tree or the pine"},{"startTime":1505.451,"endTime":1508.211,"body":"tree. Those are"},{"startTime":1508.243,"endTime":1511.171,"body":"conversations couples stop having because they think"},{"startTime":1511.203,"endTime":1514.195,"body":"it's not important, but it truly is"},{"startTime":1514.235,"endTime":1516.899,"body":"important. What you're experiencing in your day is"},{"startTime":1516.947,"endTime":1519.551,"body":"important, and sharing your day with your"},{"startTime":1519.583,"endTime":1522.119,"body":"partner is important."},{"startTime":1522.287,"endTime":1525.127,"body":"It draws connection, it creates connection,"},{"startTime":1525.191,"endTime":1527.235,"body":"it creates understanding."},{"startTime":1528.335,"endTime":1530.999,"body":"The third category of options for"},{"startTime":1531.047,"endTime":1533.5149999999999,"body":"solutions is around support."},{"startTime":1534.2549999999999,"endTime":1536.949,"body":"Support groups create the space for sharing with"},{"startTime":1536.997,"endTime":1539.425,"body":"others who are going through similar issues"},{"startTime":1539.725,"endTime":1542.581,"body":"that can offer you empathy as well as solutions that"},{"startTime":1542.613,"endTime":1545.141,"body":"worked for them too. Be sure that they're"},{"startTime":1545.173,"endTime":1547.9569999999999,"body":"facilitated by a professional therapist or a"},{"startTime":1547.981,"endTime":1550.901,"body":"couple's relationship coach, both of whom have training"},{"startTime":1551.013,"endTime":1553.941,"body":"to facilitate support groups."},{"startTime":1554.133,"endTime":1556.425,"body":"One caution about support groups."},{"startTime":1557.125,"endTime":1559.989,"body":"Couples who have come to me that have used support groups in the"},{"startTime":1560.037,"endTime":1562.605,"body":"past have stated that they kept them"},{"startTime":1562.645,"endTime":1565.589,"body":"stuck because the support groups"},{"startTime":1565.637,"endTime":1568.613,"body":"ended up just talking about the same issues over and over"},{"startTime":1568.6689999999999,"endTime":1571.235,"body":"again without a format or"},{"startTime":1571.2749999999999,"endTime":1573.947,"body":"structure for transformation being"},{"startTime":1574.011,"endTime":1576.955,"body":"offered by the therapist or the relationship coach"},{"startTime":1577.035,"endTime":1579.995,"body":"or facilitator. So be sure"},{"startTime":1580.035,"endTime":1582.979,"body":"you vet support groups very well for your"},{"startTime":1583.027,"endTime":1585.955,"body":"own needs if you're going to look at that as an"},{"startTime":1585.995,"endTime":1588.915,"body":"option. There are also many online"},{"startTime":1588.995,"endTime":1591.811,"body":"resources, websites, forums and blogs"},{"startTime":1591.843,"endTime":1594.691,"body":"that give information plus moral support when it's"},{"startTime":1594.723,"endTime":1597.135,"body":"needed most, especially during tough times."},{"startTime":1600.975,"endTime":1603.799,"body":"Note that these online resources tend to be"},{"startTime":1603.847,"endTime":1606.7269999999999,"body":"more generic, even if it's related to a"},{"startTime":1606.791,"endTime":1609.695,"body":"specific problem. And so you're"},{"startTime":1609.735,"endTime":1612.319,"body":"not going to get a customized solution where"},{"startTime":1612.487,"endTime":1615.431,"body":"a person or a service provider is getting to"},{"startTime":1615.463,"endTime":1618.183,"body":"know you and your partner and they're getting to"},{"startTime":1618.199,"endTime":1621.191,"body":"observe your interactions. They're observing how"},{"startTime":1621.223,"endTime":1624.099,"body":"you communicate or don't communicate and can"},{"startTime":1624.147,"endTime":1626.0149999999999,"body":"offer you customized support."},{"startTime":1628.2749999999999,"endTime":1631.187,"body":"Mentorship involves getting guidance from someone you"},{"startTime":1631.211,"endTime":1634.1789999999999,"body":"trust implicitly, and"},{"startTime":1634.2269999999999,"endTime":1636.571,"body":"that helps because they've already been there and done it"},{"startTime":1636.603,"endTime":1639.603,"body":"themselves. They know what worked for them and they"},{"startTime":1639.619,"endTime":1642.283,"body":"can potentially guide you towards what works"},{"startTime":1642.339,"endTime":1644.535,"body":"best based on their own experience."},{"startTime":1646.075,"endTime":1648.625,"body":"I have another caution there. Some,"},{"startTime":1648.907,"endTime":1651.347,"body":"couples that have come to me have had"},{"startTime":1651.451,"endTime":1654.267,"body":"wonderful mentors, but they came away"},{"startTime":1654.3709999999999,"endTime":1657.083,"body":"realizing that they didn't feel comfortable sharing"},{"startTime":1657.1789999999999,"endTime":1659.695,"body":"exactly what was going on with their mentor"},{"startTime":1660.155,"endTime":1662.955,"body":"and they felt like there were pieces"},{"startTime":1663.075,"endTime":1665.907,"body":"missing that weren't customized to their partner"},{"startTime":1665.971,"endTime":1668.827,"body":"or their own mindset, behaviors"},{"startTime":1668.891,"endTime":1671.771,"body":"and needs. Making a"},{"startTime":1671.8029999999999,"endTime":1674.115,"body":"decision for a solution that will work for you"},{"startTime":1674.155,"endTime":1676.955,"body":"individually and for your partner,"},{"startTime":1677.115,"endTime":1679.825,"body":"and for both of you does require"},{"startTime":1679.905,"endTime":1682.793,"body":"collaboration and alignment. You"},{"startTime":1682.809,"endTime":1685.365,"body":"could also hire a coach to help you"},{"startTime":1686.105,"endTime":1688.865,"body":"figure out what the right solution is for both"},{"startTime":1688.945,"endTime":1691.925,"body":"you and your partner and your relationship."},{"startTime":1692.625,"endTime":1695.585,"body":"It does take time to find the right person to work with"},{"startTime":1695.625,"endTime":1698.569,"body":"you, one that you're both comfortable, that"},{"startTime":1698.617,"endTime":1701.0249999999999,"body":"nurtures you both and nurtures your"},{"startTime":1701.065,"endTime":1703.881,"body":"relationship, uses clear listening"},{"startTime":1703.953,"endTime":1706.927,"body":"and communication that has a positive,"},{"startTime":1706.991,"endTime":1709.815,"body":"proven track record in their own relationships"},{"startTime":1709.935,"endTime":1712.7549999999999,"body":"and demonstrates that they care about you."},{"startTime":1713.215,"endTime":1715.959,"body":"A lot of providers sell a service"},{"startTime":1716.127,"endTime":1718.875,"body":"and they don't have a stake or"},{"startTime":1719.2549999999999,"endTime":1721.391,"body":"a care as to the results"},{"startTime":1721.583,"endTime":1724.463,"body":"that you and your partner get as a"},{"startTime":1724.479,"endTime":1727.447,"body":"result of working with them. Make"},{"startTime":1727.471,"endTime":1730.407,"body":"a list of your priorities, goals, and even the qualities and"},{"startTime":1730.431,"endTime":1732.687,"body":"values you are looking for from a solution"},{"startTime":1732.751,"endTime":1735.485,"body":"provider, and above all, ensure you"},{"startTime":1735.5249999999999,"endTime":1738.493,"body":"feel completely comfortable with them, respect"},{"startTime":1738.589,"endTime":1741.565,"body":"them and trust them and feel safe with"},{"startTime":1741.605,"endTime":1744.4769999999999,"body":"them before hiring them to"},{"startTime":1744.501,"endTime":1747.349,"body":"help you with the most important relationship of your"},{"startTime":1747.397,"endTime":1750.381,"body":"life. I hope"},{"startTime":1750.413,"endTime":1753.197,"body":"this has been helpful to you and if"},{"startTime":1753.221,"endTime":1755.965,"body":"you'd like to have a conversation with me"},{"startTime":1756.125,"endTime":1758.445,"body":"about any of these marriage problems and"},{"startTime":1758.485,"endTime":1761.195,"body":"solutions, you can schedule a chat with"},{"startTime":1761.235,"endTime":1764.2749999999999,"body":"me@drdarhawks.com"},{"startTime":1764.315,"endTime":1766.939,"body":"and click the contact link at the top"},{"startTime":1767.027,"endTime":1769.699,"body":"right. I look forward to connecting with"},{"startTime":1769.747,"endTime":1772.701,"body":"you either via, chat or in the"},{"startTime":1772.733,"endTime":1773.445,"body":"next podcast."}]}