Unyielding Spirit: From Fighter Pilot to Inspiring Leader

✅ Unyielding Spirit: From Fighter Pilot to Inspiring Leader

🎧 Tune in to our enlightening conversation with Nicole Malachowski, a retired US Air Force colonel, as we explore the remarkable journey from aviation to overcoming personal health battles. Don't miss an episode – hit subscribe, share your thoughts, and leave us a comment! 💬

Key Highlights: 📌
🔗 Redefining Identity: Nicole's powerful narrative on facing a crisis of identity and finding purpose beyond her uniform.

🧠 Adaptability in Adversity: How yielding to challenges and embracing change can become a catalyst for growth and self-discovery.
🌱 Empowerment Through Engagement: Nicole's insights on investing time to understand individual team members' strengths and motivations.
🔎 Navigating Professional Transition: Leveraging the Japanese philosophy of Ikigai to navigate career upheavals post-pandemic.

In this episode, Nicole shares her profound insights on life transitions, the importance of knowing oneself, and the power of dedication and motivation. She delves into the concept of 'yield to overcome' as a strategy for resilience, highlighting the essence of self-advocacy in times of crisis. Nicole's story serves as an inspiration, teaching us that our identity extends far beyond our professions and that true success is a personal definition.

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Transcript

Welcome to the Anxiety at Work podcast. I'm Chester Elton, and this is my co-author and dear friend, Adrian Gostick. We hope the time that you're going to spend with us will help remove the stigma of anxiety and mental health in the workplace and your personal life. With experts in the world of work and life, we want to give you ideas and, most importantly, tools to deal with anxiety in your world. You know, we're so proud to have our sponsor, Lifeguides. You know, as you go through the ambiguities of life and the uncertainties of life, everybody needs a life guide. And LifeGuides is a peer-to-peer community that helps people navigate through their day-to-day stressors by providing a place of empathy, listening, wisdom, and support with a guide who has walked in your shoes, experiencing the same challenges that you have in your life. Now, for all our listeners, we've got a wonderful offer for you. All you need to do is go to lifeguides.com, forward slash schedule a demo and add the code healthy2021 into the free text box, and you will receive two months of free service. We love the folks at Lifeguides. Well, our guest today, and we are so excited to introduce you to our dear friend, Nicole Malachowski. Nicole medically retired from the US Air Force as a colonel after 21 years of service as a career fighter pilot. She was the first woman in history to fly with the Thunderbirds, the US Air Force Demonstration Squadron, and went on to be commander of the 333rd fighter squadron. She later served in the White House, and in January 2018, She founded Nicole Malachowski and Associates, a business dedicated to professional speaking and consulting. In this role, Nicole shows audiences and clients what it takes to break barriers and overcome adversity. We brag about her all the time when we present. Nicole, welcome to our humble podcast. It is a joy to be with you today. Thank you both for this opportunity. Well, we're thrilled. We really are thrilled to have you on the call because we do. We talk about your story. We can get into certain aspects of that in a minute. But I want everybody to understand where you're at right now. Chester just mentioned that you medically retired from the Air Force. Retirement wasn't your choice. You were at the top of your military career when you got hit by this illness. So can you walk us through what happened and, especially since this is about anxiety at work, how you dealt with the mental health aspect of your illness? Absolutely. I mean this was what you would definitely call the unexpected in life. I mean, sometimes the universe comes at each of us, sometimes in very unwelcome ways, and that's what happened to me. Three and a half years ago, I was medically retired, you know, against my will. I went out kicking and screaming because I had to leave the career that I loved. A few years prior to that, I had fallen sick while I was the commander of that fighter squadron, and I went to the doctors, and I was a bit of a medical mystery for about four years. And over those four years, my symptoms were very mysterious. They would wax and wane. They were confusing to me, confusing to doctors. And four years later, in the summer of 2016, I literally woke up, and I was temporarily paralyzed. I couldn't move or speak. And so, as you might imagine, this was a very terrifying experience because, literally overnight, I went from commander of a fighter squadron. I was physically fit, mentally fit, spiritually fit, and then I was completely broken, unable to care for myself, and completely dependent on other people for all of my activities of daily living. It was discovered that I had a brain infection, and I was suffering from what's called neuroborreliosis, which is a fancy name for a tick bite. So a tick gave me some pathogens that completely altered my life. I spent the next nine months bedridden, unable to walk, talk, read, and write. And I spent another year in rehab to get back to this place where I can be with all of you today. So as you might imagine, during that time, the Air Force, of course, had to let me go, which was understandable. And I was in my darkest moments. So when we talk about mental health, I mean, overnight, everything was taken from me. At least, that's how I felt. And I remember literally lying in bed and on the couch feeling a lot of anxiety. What's gonna happen next? I remember being depressed and frustrated, super sad. Part of me was angry, and part of me felt very much abandoned and alone. And I remember as I lay there, the day of my medical retirement, I was laying on my sofa at my house feeling a little sorry for myself. And all of a sudden, it kind of hit me, you know, you know, Nicole, you're a fighter pilot. This isn't you. And these words came to my head. I remember them clear as day. Yield to overcome. Yield to overcome. And what that meant to me at that time wasn't about surrendering, quitting, or giving up. What it meant was you didn't ask to get sick. You didn't ask to find yourself in this position. It isn't about what you can't do or don't have anymore. Ask yourself the right questions, Nicole. What is it that you do have at your disposal? What is it that you need in order to move forward? And so I dealt a lot with my mental health issues during that very dark time. By leaning into self-advocacy, I finally learned that you can lay on the couch all day long, and the cavalry is not gonna come, right? The only person who can really impact your health, your wellness, is you. And by leaning into self-advocacy, to me, it meant doing research about my illness, reaching out and connecting with doctors who were leaders in the field that gave me hope, connecting with and asking for help from patient resource groups and patient advocacy groups, you know, talking to people who had been in my shoes. So this idea of yield to overcome became my mantra. It was my way of moving forward by dealing with reality, and it reminded me to never give up until my inner voice was satisfied. And so, that's how I found myself moving on and reinventing myself. Wow. Wow. You know, I just love that part where you say the cavalry wasn't coming. It was up to me. And I do love that there are those moments when you have to just reach back in and go, hey, I'm a fighter pilot. Stop, be who you are. I love that. Indeed, I used to think that my life legacy was gonna be that I was gonna become a general officer. That was my dream in the Air Force, and that people would remember me as a fighter pilot, and I now realize that that was never my final destination at all. The skills that I honed and the characteristics and traits of a fighter pilot are what allowed me to survive my illness, are what allowed me to advocate for the best healthcare. Let's be honest; if I had gone with the original diagnosis that was given to me, I wouldn't be here talking to all of you right now. And that's a fact. And so, learning how to advocate for myself and ask for help and trusting that inner gut and inner instinct was vital. You know, take us back earlier into your career. You know, we always talk about you being amongst one of the first women to fly fighter jets off an aircraft, and you broke the barriers, you know, there. And then how do you help leaders understand how they can help those who may feel like others or the only ones in their workplace environments? Because you were one of the others. There were very few female fighter pilots. It must have been a difficult situation. So how do you help other leaders deal with those same kinds of feelings? Sure, absolutely. I mean, when you are the other or the only in a room, it is something that, whether consciously or subconsciously, impacts how you think and feel and process the environment around you. To your point, I was amongst a group of other women who were breaking barriers at the same time in their own fighter squadrons. And what's interesting is none of us, none of us became fighter pilots. None of us put ourselves through the challenge of becoming fighter pilots just so we can say we broke a barrier. I mean, we didn't join the Air Force and go off on this epic challenge and adventure to be a barrier breaker. But what's fascinating, I think, in our story, when you look at this group of women who were pretty darn tough, okay? We're pretty darn tough.
When you look at us, I think it's proof that if you follow your own dreams, if you follow your own heart, you may very well accidentally break barriers along the way. And that right there, I think, is the lesson to leaders. And I draw on my time commanding an F-15E fighter squadron. Imagine about 100 totally elite, skillful, high-performing, type-A, macho men and me, right? And I had to learn how to lead that awesomeness. And what I figured out is that we have to treat each person who we're responsible to with a tailored approach. And what I mean by that is putting in the time to create a relationship that says, I want to know about you. What makes you tick and why? How can I help you along your goal? And a lot of people, when I talk to them, they say, well, I've got 100 people in my organization. How in the world do I make time to get to know everyone individually? I counter if it is important to you, then indeed, you will make time. So getting to know each person for their unique strengths and skills is absolutely vital. Asking them, where do you think you can best contribute to this mission? Because they may highlight a skill or a strength that you didn't see on their CV or resume, or a skill or a strength that maybe is hidden by the current portion of the portfolio they're in. I think one of the most important questions to ask people, you know, regardless of if they fit the mold or not, each person you're responsible to is, you know, what is your definition of success for you? So often, right, organizations and companies, I know the military does it, try to define what success is. Everyone should become a general officer. Well, not everyone wants that. Everyone should become the CEO. Not everyone wants that. Take the time to ask each individual, what is your definition of success? Because in that question, you will discover their personal motivation. And when you discover someone's personal motivation, you can tap into it in a tailored and unique way. And when you give your time and attention like that, and you nurture with time and attention a commitment over time, that's when people feel seen. And that's when they start to blossom. And isn't that really the essence of leadership? Watching someone grow into something that they never imagined they could do, all because you believed in them? I love that, Nicole. When we do our executive coaching, that's the first question we ask as well. What's your definition of success? I love that. And sometimes, as you know, as a leader, you have to kind of get past the BS because they may go, well, I'm all about the team. You go, okay, keep going. And you have to dig a little deeper, don't you? Sometimes behind. Absolutely, because every person has a unique personality; some people are more comfortable sharing those things than others. And the only way you're gonna get to it with the people who maybe have a bit of a shield or a mask up, which you might imagine occurs in an Air Force fighter squadron, right? This macho mask that I've got it all together. I don't need anyone's mentoring or help. The way that you do that is to continue over time. So many people go; I have a new person joining my organization; I'm a great leader because I sit down with them the first week they're here to discuss these questions, and then they never talk to that person again. People will react to that lack of authenticity. So it's about time and the gift of your time.
And the gift of their time. Okay, that's so awesome. Now I want to get to, now this is the analogy, Chester, and I, you know, and we do quote you. We don't just steal. I mean, we do, but not from you. No, no. I'm honored you would share. So, and the analogy is to loosen your grip. And now I think, you know, this probably comes in so many times when you're talking to an audience. I think-especially it's important during something like COVID, where some managers want to control every little aspect of what's going on right now. So walk us through the analogy and how you learned this. Sure. I learned about this loosen-the-grip mindset when I was going through a four-month-long training program as the newest Air Force Thunderbird pilot. And it was about three months into the training program. We were out there over the desert skies in Nevada. Things were going well. And for the very first time, we hit turbulence. And the second my aircraft hit the turbulence, I instinctually gripped the stick really hard. And I started counteracting with a movement on the stick each and every bump along the way. The problem when you do that in an aircraft is you end up in what we call a PIO or a pilot-induced oscillation because each movement has to get bigger and bigger. The end result is that it makes for a really ugly air show. It's terribly inefficient and stress-inducing. And ultimately, for what I did, it was downright dangerous. Now, I want to kind of talk about this turbulence, right? People say, well, Nicole, you've been a pilot for a long time. What do you mean it was your first time in turbulence? It was my first time in turbulence at 500 feet, 400 miles an hour, upside down, three feet away from five other jets. I can assure you that's an eye-opening experience. And as a pilot, turbulence is really fascinating to me because we know when the atmosphere is ripe for turbulence, but we can never predict exactly where turbulence will happen, how severe it's going to be, or how long the turbulence is going to last. I mean, does that sound familiar to our lives? Especially like, just look at the last year and a half. I mean, our personal lives and professional lives have been in a state of turbulence for the last 18 months, and we know what that feels like because turbulence comes along for people personally and professionally and isn't our instinct when change, adversity, hardship comes along to try to resist it, to try to control it, to try to over-control it like I was doing? So when I landed that day from flailing and trying to stay in position and flying in turbulence, the senior pilot on the team, Steve Horton, I give him full credit. He was the experienced guy. He said, Nicole, you were a mess out there. You were all over the place. I couldn't fly underneath you. What's going on? I said, dude, didn't you feel that turbulence? It was terrifying. You know, my eyes were big like a deer in headlights, and my stomach was in knots, and I was doing my best. He said, oh, Nicole, we forgot to tell you the secret. And I'm like, what? He said the secret to staying in position when our team encounters turbulence. Would you like to know the secret? I, of course, am thinking, yes, my friend, that is information I could have used yesterday. Please share this with me. And he says to me the secret is we promise each other as a team that when any one of us encounters turbulence within our own jet, we will immediately loosen our grip. The key is to loosen your grip. Now, I thought he was crazy because that went against my instincts as a pilot, right? And doesn't that go against our instincts as human beings? We want to try to control the uncontrollable. So the next day I went out there, we hit the turbulence again, and I wanted to fight the stick again and fight the turbulence, but I thought, no, Steve's like the Yoda of the team. So I said, loosen your grip. And I did, right? I let go with three fingers on my hand, and I ended up flying the jet with just two. And the miracle is, is that I did stay in position. We all did. The team stayed in alignment, which made a beautiful formation, and we exited the turbulence intact. And the beauty of it was the audience on the ground, our client or customer, if you will, never even knew. And so when I talk about loosening your grip, what I'm saying is, be efficient in the use of your limited time, talent, and treasure. Choose to impact things where you have actual control that you're responsible for. Loosening your grip means setting your ego aside and letting your teammates fulfill their roles to the best of their skill, allowing them to take as much pride in their job as you do. And so I remind myself- loosen your grip- says fall back on the basics, your foundational professional standards, whatever they may be, processes and procedures, the priorities of the team. Control was actually in your control. That's why we quote her so much, Adrian. Right there. Brilliant. I love it. What a great analogy and so well told. Yeah. Great job, Nicole. Thank you. Yeah, so listen, you had a lot of unforeseen obstacles in your career, even before Lyme disease hit you so hard. So help our listeners understand what you've learned about overcoming challenges that we face in our lives. You've talked a lot about it already, and yet I know that when you go through stuff like this, there's two or three things when you go; that was the moment, right? Absolutely. Look, when we would land from these Thunderbird air shows, we would go talk to the audience. And one of the things people would say to me a lot, it's enough that I remember it to this day, is they would make a comment like, wow, you know, you're an elite fighter pilot in a Thunderbird, you must somehow just be gifted, your life must be anointed, it must just have been easy for you. The path in front of you must have been smooth. And I shake my head because my path to that kind of success was littered with twists and turns, mistakes, failures, challenges, and obstacles all along the way. And the lesson I learned over my career with the individual types of successes I did have is this-that the path to success for any one person or any team is always non-linear. The path to success is always going to be non-linear. And if you can get that in your mindset and have that set straight before you go after a gnarly goal or a big dream. I think it makes handling those bumps and bruises along the way just a little bit easier. You know, early in my career, I actually failed a major check ride while I was at pilot training. So here I am; it had been my dream since I was five years old. I'm 21 years old. I finally made it to pilot training. My dream of becoming a fighter pilot is on the line. Two months into a 12-month-long program, I fall flat on my face across the starting line. I literally statistically, at that time, came about as close as you can get to removing my chance of ever having an opportunity to fly fighter aircraft. And if I were to fail another one, I wouldn't even graduate at all. And I remember that failure that obstacle was really hard. It was hard for my ego. It hurt. There was a moment where I was like; it's over. I'm gonna quit. If I can't be a fighter pilot, why get back in the cockpit the next day? But I had to get back in the cockpit the next day, and I learned that this obstacle, this failure, I came out of it more dedicated to the effort that I needed to put in, more motivated, and committed to getting my dream done. I had used my mulligan, but I knew the path was still there if I could keep squeaky clean the rest of the time. So I came out more dedicated, more committed, and, importantly, I came out of that failure a lot more humble. And I think that we can agree that those are all pretty darn good characteristics. No kidding, especially the humility part, right? Hey, let me ask you; it just reminded me when you said after our shows, we go talk to the audience, and people ask you questions and stuff. You've done a lot of work in empowering young women as well. As you might guess, you've become a bit of an icon for a lot of young women in the military and just succeeding in life. What do you tell young girls, in particular, to inspire them to follow their dreams? Absolutely. Well, thank you for saying that. I want to kind of admit to something first. When I first became the first woman Thunderbird pilot, people would be like the headlines would read, first woman Thunderbird pilot, woman fighter pilot. And I used to bristle totally at this idea that I had to be described by that qualifier woman. I just wanted to be known as a great fighter pilot and a contributing Thunderbird. And then I went to my very first air show. I was thrilled to make it through the show with no major mistakes. I landed, I went to the autograph line. And as I'm standing on the autograph line, I look to the left to the other five amazing pilots, and these guys had 10 or 15 people in line in front of them for pictures and autographs, and questions. And then I slowly raised my head and looked in front of me, and the line was well over a hundred people, all young women between the ages of 10 and 16. And it was in that moment that this light bulb came on that I realized I can walk that fine line and be proud of being the woman Thunderbird pilot because it means something to see someone who looks like you succeeding. I learned that so that visual in that moment, my heart changed. It means something to see someone who looks like you succeeding. And what I like to remind young gals when they kind of ask for advice, and I hit on this earlier a little bit, is, Nicole, what's your advice for me if I want to go after this big dream? I let them know only you can define success for yourself. Don't ever let a company, organization, person define what success is. And oh, by the way, your definition of success can and should change over time, given the context of where you are in your life. And the other thing is to remember you're going into this big goal or dream, maybe becoming a fighter pilot, because it's your dream. You're doing this for you. Don't worry about what anybody else thinks. When I had the naysayers, especially in the 90s, in my first fighter squadron, I would go home sometimes, and I'll admit it the social exclusion was hard. I would put my face in my pillow and cry. I would get it out. And then I would remind myself this has been my dream since I was five. I'm going to make this dream come true through my hard work and effort. So that's why I like to remind young women and men. That's so awesome. And I remember seeing a picture, I think it was on LinkedIn, you posted the other day of a young woman that you hope that perhaps you put a little spark in her, and now she is a fighter pilot herself. That was amazing. She is indeed. And she even flies the same jet that I flew, the F-15E Strike Eagle. And she's crushing it. And all I can ever hope for is that the women that have come behind those of us who went first that they just go further. They're better; they're more talented. They accomplish things I could have never imagined. And I'm super proud of them. That is so great. And by the way, Chester and I have had that experience about the book signing lines, except we're usually in the short one. One of our first book signings was by David McCullough, you know, author of 1776. We had like three or four people. His line stretched around the block. It was very humbling. I mean, it really kept you in a good, humble place. So tell us where people can find out more about you and your work, Nicole. Well absolutely. Thank you for asking. I do have a website. It's simple, NicoleMalachowski.com. I am on Instagram and Twitter. My handle is at real, R-E-A-L, Malachowski. That's @realMalachowski. And I'd love to, you know, get in conversation with a lot of the listeners here today and answer their questions. Just slide them into my DMs. That's great. You know, a lot of people right now are restructuring their careers. And we're reading a lot, and we're writing a lot about people who may not even be going back to work as it was before. You were forced into a big change in your career. So what advice would you have for those who are facing a career, maybe transition or upheaval after this pandemic? I empathize deeply with the people who are being forced as well into an unexpected, you know, career or profession change because, to your point, I have been there, and I have lived it. And when I was laying on the couch that day of my military retirement, no ceremony, no thank you for your service, looking around, feeling sorry for myself, which I think is a very human emotion to have, it hit me, these were the questions I was asking. Who am I if I'm not wearing my nation's uniform? What is my contribution to society if I'm not serving in the military? Who am I if I'm not in the cockpit of an aircraft? What is it that I do? And so a lot of people, the first thing, have to deal with the same thing I did, which is a crisis of identity. I would tell people right now, you know, before crisis or chaos comes to you, figure out what gives your life meaning. Who are you outside of work? What is it that you value and prioritize, and why? Because if you can answer those questions before chaos and crisis and the unexpected come because they will, it's going to make that difficult and challenging time a lot more smoother and a lot more efficient. I hadn't thought through those. I'll be honest. I think, honestly, my ego is wrapped up in my identity as an Air Force officer and a fighter pilot, and when those things were taken from me unexpectedly overnight, I had a crisis of identity. So to the people who are dealing with this challenge now, I would say, remember that you are so much more than your profession; you are so much more as a human being than your duty title or the current job position or wherever your office is up on the fifth floor in the C-suite. You're a human being behind it, and your life has purpose and meaning outside of work. Now on a very practical level, because I'm a fighter pilot, I want my checklist, right? I want my step-by-step, you know, procedures. I want to practice something. During those low times when I had to figure out how to reinvent myself, I discovered the Japanese philosophy of Ikigai. And please forgive me if I am pronouncing it wrong. It's spelled I-K-I-G-A-I. And I'm going to give a very simplified Westernized version of it very quickly. But Ikigai is a philosophy that says that your career and profession should be a combination of four things. What you love, what the world needs, what you're good at, and what you can be paid for. And those things, when I created four little columns, and I listed them out, helped me discover how to reinvent myself, honestly, as a professional motivational speaker and leadership consultant. I loved people, and I loved leading airmen. That's what I missed. The world does need folks like Adrian and Chester to nudge them along and give them advice, and I can do the same for companies. People had told me I was good at speaking and that I had fun stories to tell, and then I realized there's an industry that pays for it. And that's how I made the leap into speaking. So in a very practical sense, if people are struggling, the Japanese philosophy of Ikigai and studying that actually helped me discover options. And one of the things I got stuck on was that-what are you good at? Right, we're very like people; I'm not good at anything. If I'm not flying, I'm not good at anything. I think one of the most important things people can do is ask those around you, those on your team, your family, your friends, your loved ones, your colleagues, what am I good at? Because you know what, they're gonna point out things you never imagined. They're gonna point out things you never thought of. And so don't ignore that resource. But bottom line is I firmly believe that we all have the power to reinvent ourselves at any given time. You know, and isn't it interesting that often a crisis helps you redefine who you really are and find out who you really are? Because to your point, you've got to get back and say, who am I? What do I love to do? And crises can be very much a crucible experience. You remember in science class, a crucible, you go into something that's hard and difficult and high temperature and high stress, and you get forged into something completely different. And I would say 99.9% of the time; you come out forced into something even better. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do love that in step four, though. What can you get paid for? Often people say, oh, just do what you love. Yeah, and figure out if you can get paid for doing that, too. That's kind of important, you know? Yeah, you've got to provide for yourself and your family. Yeah. Hey, with your military background, talk about how you kept yourself motivated. I'm sure there were times, like maybe in boot camp or putting in the extra hours or the extra time in the plane, where you didn't really want to do it. We often talk about, is there a difference between dedication and motivation and how did that work for you? I love this question. The difference between dedication and motivation. Okay, I will get to that but let's talk about boot camp because you gave an awesome example, right? Boot camp is difficult. Boot camp is not fun. But you know what? It's not supposed to be fun, and after boot camp, I spent four more years from the age of 18 to 21 every day at a military academy. There were some highlights and moments, but you know what? Not as much fun as my friends who were at a regular college. But the point of going through those tough times is to keep your eye on the prize, right? The strategic goal, the long-term goal that was out there. For me, that was a commission as an officer in the military, a chance to go to pilot training. And I was, obviously, my best hope, if you will, getting through those four years at the Air Force Academy was my best hope for fulfilling my dream of becoming a fighter pilot. And so sometimes we have to endure things that we don't want to, honestly, as a means to an end. When I would go out and fly a combat mission, I like to explain kind of this to people when there's hardships or difficulties on the way to a goal, we always start mission planning at the target, and we work from the target backwards. We never go; I'm going to take off and then fly here and build forward to the target. We start with the target, the goal, the dream in mind, and then we backtrack all of those interim steps. And there's going to be many countless interim steps along the way, not just to my target but on the road to, of course, or the journey of any person's goal or dream. So I always believe that these long-term goals or long-term targets are always gonna be more important than the temporary discomfort, if you will, of the unsung times. And those unsung times never, never last forever. Now to your original question of dedication and motivation. You're like making me like really work and think here, right? Because sometimes, we throw words around and we think we know what they mean. So I'll give you my take on it. Dedication to me is commitment over time. Dedication is all about discipline and grit. Dedication is about honestly doing the hard work that's necessary under any circumstance. To me, that's dedication. Now motivation to me is different. And I think sometimes we use these words interchangeably, but motivation to me is my purpose, my reason for going after a goal or a dream, the reason and the Catalyst behind an action or a choice; to me, motivation is all about my personal Why I mean ultimately flying fighter aircraft was my target, right? And I had to be very dedicated in order to make that come true. But my motivation for doing it, you know, and I don't mean to sound trite, and I'm not pandering, was service to my country. It was about being a part of something bigger than myself and ultimately wearing my nation's uniform to defend what I believe is the greatest nation on earth. And that was the motivation that drove my dedication towards my target. Yeah, this has been so great, Nicole. First, thank you for all your service and for all that you did while you were. And now you're still doing, too. We want to thank you for all your service. What takeaways, after our conversation today and our fumbling questions that you've answered beautifully, what takeaways would you have our listeners take, maybe, that hopefully are lessons that you've learned if you had a couple of things to take away today? Well, yeah, I think if there's just a couple things, I think it's a reminder that, again, the path to success is always going to be nonlinear in your personal life, in your professional life for individuals or teams. So remember to be efficient and only control the controllable things. That way, you're going to be efficient with the use of your limited time, talent, and treasure. I believe in asking for and actively accepting help in those times that you need it. And I honestly believe that a positive outlook, and I'm not talking like Pollyanna, you know, fake positivity but a positive outlook, a forward-looking one, is actually a choice, and I leave people with my last aviation analogy, the runway behind you is always unusable. All you ever have is the runway that's in front of you. I'm going to make a poster out of that. That is just gold right there. You know, Nicole, we do gush when we talk about you. We really are inspired. We're inspired not only because of your service and your accomplishments and all those things that you did, and maybe we're the first to do. We gush about you because you just have this genuine goodness about you. You do want to make the world a little better place. I love that you've inspired the next generation of fighter pilots, whether they be men or women, although especially women, let's face it, and that you're out there doing such good work. Your goodness just shines through. I hope those that are listening will start to follow you. Give us again-where they can follow you and learn more about your work.
I've got a website NicoleMalachowski.com, and my Instagram and Twitter handles are at Real Malachowski, that's at R-E-A-L Malachowski. What a delight. What just positive energy and service, and I hope it came through to all of you listeners what big fanboys we are of Nicole Malachowski. Talk to me briefly about some of your key takeaways, Adrian. Well, first off, she talked about this idea of yield to overcome. She's lying for a year in a bed, unable to do what she's done. She's been the top of her game mentally, physically, spiritually, she says, and then I'm in this pit. And she says, you know, this yield to overcome is this idea, look, you need to ask for help, you need to deal with the reality, and you have to ask the right questions. What is it that I can bring to the world? What is it I have to give? And that sometimes we do have to make transitions, and life isn't easy. It's not going to work out the way we expect all the time. Yeah, you know, I love too; when she was at her deepest and darkest moment, she gave herself a kick in the bum, right? Hey, Nicole, you're a fighter pilot. You know, figure it out, and started to do the research, and started to make connections, and started to talk to different doctors. I thought it was really revealing when she said if I'd gone with the original diagnosis, I probably wouldn't be here now. To learn to advocate for yourself was one of my huge takeaways. And I think this idea too as if she led a squadron of 100 amazing pilots, these are all Uber, type A driven pilots, and she said, look, you got to get to know people and get to know how they can reach their goals. What can you contribute to this mission? What's the definition of success for you? And I love that point that she made, you've got to get past people's masks because they all put masks on. No, no, I'm just about service. No, you're not. I've known you for a couple of months now. But she says you can't find that out if you don't spend time, right? Right. And she said, you know, a lot of managers say, well, to get to know all my people and their motivations, that's a lot of work. Well, is it important to you? Because if it's important to you, you'll find the time to do that. And again, that comes back to dedication and vision. I did love, too, when she said, you know, as fighter pilots, we start with the target and work backward. You know, we don't say, hey, we're going to fly here and then fly there and build towards the target. Say, no, you start at the target, and you move backwards. That's how she keeps her motivation—just so many great ideas. Oh, there's so many. And again, I have so many notes about, you know, loosen your grip, right? Turbulence comes along, which happens to all of us. Don't try to over control. Uh, let others do their jobs. Uh, give yourself a break, control what you can control, and let the rest of it go. Last thing for me is, you know, you asked a great question about when you hit all this turbulence and so on, you know, how do you overcome it? She said, well, you've got to know who you are before that happens. Who are you before that happens? Because crisis is going to come. It comes to all of us. If you really know who you are and what you're about, and what your why is, then when turbulence comes, you're much more equipped to overcome it. That was my last big takeaway, and among so many, she is such an inspiration to so many young women, not only who become fighter pilots but really who do chase their own definition of success, and is that the path to success is not always linear. And so many of us get hung up on that. I failed at something. That didn't work out. Great! You learned that's not what you want to do, or that's not what you're the best at. And so I loved her point about you're thinking about your career. You know, what do you love? What does the world need? What are you good at? What can you be paid for? You know, such great advice for all of us, especially young people figuring out where they want to go in their lives or those who are about to make a mid-career change. So many important lessons from Nicole Malachowski, former Thunderbird pilot. So a special thanks today to our producer Brent Klein, to Christy Lawrence, who helps us find amazing guests like Nicole, and to all of you who have listened in on this podcast. You bet. And I love that last thing about you're finding your way and working through it. That's your guide, right? That's your life guide. We always want to give a shout-out at the end of our podcast to the wonderful folks at LifeGuides, this peer-to-peer community that helps you navigate through those day-to-day stressors by providing a life guide, somebody that's walked in your shoes and gone through the same things that you're going through now. Our offer to our listeners is just go to lifeguides.com forward slash, schedule a demo, and add the code healthy2021 into the free text box, and you'll receive two months of free service. 
Well, I'm with you, Adrian. Look, if you like the podcast, like it wherever you get your podcast. Download it, share it with your friends. Share it with family. You know, this is the number one issue in the workplace today. And this podcast is one of the top podcasts in mental health in the world right now. And that's happening because you're downloading it, you're listening to it, and you're sharing it with your friends. So from Adrian and me, please join us in our community, thecultureworks.com. Follow us on LinkedIn, buy our books wherever good books are sold, and we hope to see you again on the podcast soon. Adrian, take us home. Well, thanks, everybody, again for joining in. Check out our new book, Anxiety at Work, which deals with so many of these issues and does feature the amazing Nicole Malachowski. So again, we wish you this week nothing but the best of mental health, and hopefully, you're finding with week nothing but the best of mental health and hopefully you're finding with us a safe place to consider these ideas. Take care and be well.