As we spring into the sunshine wearing fewer clothes than we have for the last few months, we're trying not get over excited by seeing the occasional ankle or flexible bicep. Instead we're debating the letters U for Unicorns and Uniforms and V for Virginity and Vulturing.
Featuring Tinder Girl (@girl_tinder) and Bumbling Dad (@BumblingD), Delirious Dating Damsel (@Delirious_Dater)alongside seriously single business-girl Siobhan (@shoobmac) while the man in gaberdine mac is really a spy - and his bowtie is definitely a camera - otherwise known as Jon (@voiceofsiri) - oh and as it's Easter there's a little easter egg hidden in there for you too - can you find it?
If you'd like to ask the team a question or propose a Profile for us to pick on - then write to us at askdateadvisor@gmail.com.
For informational purposes only (and not for the purposes of promotion, recommendation or alignment with or by any of our podcasters) the Universal Hot Crazy Matrix is available here.
As we spring into the sunshine wearing fewer clothes than we have for the last few months, we're trying not get over excited by seeing the occasional ankle or flexible bicep. Instead we're debating the letters U for Unicorns and Uniforms and V for Virginity and Vulturing.
Featuring Tinder Girl (@girl_tinder) and Bumbling Dad (@BumblingD), Delirious Dating Damsel (@Delirious_Dater)alongside seriously single business-girl Siobhan (@shoobmac) while the man in gaberdine mac is really a spy - and his bowtie is definitely a camera - otherwise known as Jon (@voiceofsiri) - oh and as it's Easter there's a little easter egg hidden in there for you too - can you find it?
If you'd like to ask the team a question or propose a Profile for us to pick on - then write to us at askdateadvisor@gmail.com.
For informational purposes only (and not for the purposes of promotion, recommendation or alignment with or by any of our podcasters) the Universal Hot Crazy Matrix is available here.
Well would you Adam and Eve it we are back with another edition of the podcast that does for dating what Love Island does for celibacy. This week we are heading into the final state of our amorous alphabet with the letters u and v. And we have convened the whole team for debate tonight. In the Easter Bunny onesy is our Scottish Highland fling herself Siobhan. Wearing the mankini is bumbling dad. Our playgirl bunny complete with ears and fluffy tail is Tindergirl and in the leather boots and PVC corset it is delirious dating damsel. Now, all of course a complete lie but that's what eating too much cheese at night does for you when writing these introductions so much so I can't tell whether that's a nightmare or a fantasy. And i'm Jon doing an impression of the White Rabbit holding a pocket watch and muttering to himself Oh my Oh dear. Oh my Oh dear. Rather too Realistically this week. First up is the letter u for unicorn and if you know the YouTube video, you'll know the comedic discussion of the pulchritude versus madness of women, as discussed by men on the hot and crazy matrix. Now I warn you it is fairly misogynistic. But if you haven't seen it, well, it's a point of view. The x axis is the hot axis from one to 10. And the y axis is four to 10 for madness or craziness. Because according to the author, there is no such thing as a woman who is not part crazy. Hence the reason it runs from four to 10. The unicorn zone on the matrix is a woman who is above an eight hot and below a five crazy. In other words, it's a very small portion of women that you might date, or in fact, it doesn't really exist, like a unicorn. So with apologies to our more intelligent, more beautiful listeners of a feminine persuasion, do unicorns genuinely exist?
Bumbling:That's a really interesting question that you raised jump. One because I made a couple of notes just in case I ran out of things to say and underneath the unicorns on my pad, it says unicorns don't exist. But to because I also just did a bit of googling to double check my understanding of unicorns and there is in fact another definition as well which is faintly disturbing but I am not qualified to talk about that other definition either To be honest, so I'm sure there's a being unicorns I'm sure there's a joke about the horn to be made somewhere but I think I should perhaps duck out and and let's the ladies take the wheel
Siobhan:well I have never seen this video that you just mentioned Jon. So I'm definitely going to be hot to trot to go and look at that. But I also didn't understand this. This rating thing and my one of my definitions was a unicorn is a mythical creature, someone amazing who is hard to catch are simply a very rare find. The term is often describing someone who is remarkably attractive in brackets above a seven point crazy, amazing sex and has a great personality dot dot dot, you may be a unicorn.
Jon:That is the premise indeed of the film to a degree although it is much more from a male point of view. But yes, it basically says that a unicorn is incredibly beautiful, not at all mad and amazing in bed
Delirious :and dot dot dot. Let's be honest, there are three unicorns in the room. Only three
Bumbling:we all think that we're one and and in which case it Who are the two who are going to be disappointed. I
Siobhan:think the only thing I'll admit to you publicly is that I'm not at all batshit crazy, but I guess that's for the that's for somebody else to decide.
Delirious :If it only relate to women though I thought it only related to women, the
Jon:film would indicate that it only relates to women, but there's no reason why it shouldn't relate to men. The craziness aspect is what makes the matrix in their view apply to women. But I see no reason why one shouldn't be have crazy men as well. And I'm sure ladies you've come across that your fair share of them.
Siobhan:Oh, yes, certainly.
Jon:Treading around this very very gently for fear of offending anybody.
TinderGirl:Can I give you the definition of unicorn that I found. The term unicorn in dating refers to an individual who is willing to join an existing relationship. This is someone who is going to become romantic partner who will have sex and become romantically involved with both members of the original relationship.
Siobhan:Yes, I found something along those lines as well saying typically, a sex unicorn is a bisexual woman who agrees to join a pre existing heterosexual marriage as a third sexual component without presenting any threat of infidelity or emotional burden to either the husband or wife
TinderGirl:Asking a lot
Jon:The term Unicorn would therefore indicate that the none of these people actually exist. Is there any point in in in using this I mean, it's become very popular, this particular video and it has become a terminology that is used more widespread, then then perhaps one would like, as I said, I think it's horribly misogynistic.
TinderGirl:We've I think we've talked about this before seeing on people's profiles, no drama, no psychos, you know, those kinds of people that put women in the crazy category, in my view, not really to be trusted anyway, because they're the ones that cause the drama, I suspect in the first place. So I wouldn't be trusting anyone who's rating me on my crazy,
Jon:What about the Hot or Not judgement. I mean, that's been used quite a lot online, hasn't it for both men and women to be able to rate people,
TinderGirl:My friends and I have a pec deck score .
Jon:Please define
TinderGirl:Well, we'll send each other pictures of men and will rate their pecs
Bumbling:Unicorns, in theory don't exist. If we can find somebody that we think of as incredibly hot and within the acceptable enough levels of crazy for us to be able to, to want to be with them, then, you know, typically, that's our unicorn. But you know, one person's unicorn is another person's nightmare.
Jon:Maybe that does that tie in, perhaps with the criticism I'm sure we've all had, if one's been on a dating app for any length of time, is that we're all too choosy because we are all looking for unicorns.
TinderGirl:Can you look for anything else, though? I mean, you and I don't believe it's being choosy. I believe it's just being in that moment finding that person and suddenly, bam, They're there...
Jon:Havent we all been accused of that by friends or people are going How long have you been doing this?
Siobhan:Yeah, absolutely. I'm being too picky and to whatever, but I disagree. I think you have to go with what works for you.
Jon:Well I agree. I mean, otherwise, what's the point? But I think, yeah, what do you say to those people who turn around and say, oh, for goodness sakes Siobhan your being far too choosy. I'm assuming this unicorn thing is is very much a younger person's definition. Because to be quite honest, I've I've actually, I mean, I'm aware of the terminology but I'd never really applied it to dating or anybody that I was potentially looking for. And I actually delusional as I may be, I don't think that my elusive happy ever after is I mean, I do believe that he's out there somewhere. I don't think the way I'm looking for is necessarily unobtainable,umbling,
Bumbling:I think that I may have captured one or even more in the past.
Delirious :do you have a special mirror?
Bumbling:with fairies all around it?
Jon:I thought dream catchers did the same thing don't they?
Bumbling:Ive no experience with dream catchers, but where I have caught a unicorn in previous times. I've typically also left the gates to the unicorn field wide open and they've galloped off to find a unicorn of their own and leave me behind.
Delirious :Awww
Siobhan:Yes I think I did broadly agree with you on that bumbling dad, but I just didn't realise they were called unifor.... unicorns. I just thought they were sort of badly behaved man.
Bumbling:You nearly said uniform then and the concept of unicorns, unicorns in A unicorn in a uniformuniform.
Siobhan:A unicorn in a uniform.
TinderGirl:That's a whole new level
Jon:is like very neatly that in that case, because I have a feeling we should dump this particular subject into uniforms, because you also stands for uniforms are a perceived view of sexuality that uniforms make people more attractive, I am assuming. And there is as a dating app that is specifically for dating people in uniform, isn't it if you fancy a fireman or a massage major
Bumbling:or a foreigner uniform dating, I think Yeah, I've never, never used it myself. But the longest relationship of my life, my the mother of my children, works as a nurse. And I can tell you that while uniform has become more practical. There has never, in my experience ever been anything remotely sexy about a National Health Service nurse's outfit. And I think I think I'm reasonably secure in saying out loud that nurses across the length and breadth of the country would stand up and rise with me and punch anybody who uses the phrase naughty nurse while they're actually in a work environment.
Jon:So why do we get excited about scantily clad nurses in films?
Bumbling:I think the key is in the word scantily clad But surely
Jon:the answer is it could be anybody. So as long as it's a scantily clad person, we don't really care and the fact is, that's not true. It's a scantily clad nurse.
TinderGirl:Well, I don't mind in a uniform, I'll be honest, I've dated a few soldiers and when they come around and make uniform it's, it's fun
Delirious :to say I married my ex husband based on that premise sexually it was I didn't like him when I first met him and then he rocked up in his uniform and arranged to meet me in the pub in his uniform and it was a game changer. So I'm not saying which one it was. But let's just say they got houses and square t square tees
Jon:never found gardeners remotely attractive you know, the popularity of these specialised dating apps I mean, do they give any particular advantage over the regular ones do we think has no we probably haven't necessarily tried them but
Delirious :I have
Jon:everyone sits there in silence goes Nope. Nothing and then two confessions you've both tried it
TinderGirl:I actually my confessions really boring. I tried it because I thought how wonderful. But actually, the website was terrible. And I just found it. I found it really hard to navigate. So and in fact, I think it was hard to navigate because it got easier if you paid and I'd never pay for a dating app. So it was a no for me.
Delirious :Yeah, I have to say that I don't know whether I should share this or not.
Jon:Thanks for joining in guys.
Delirious :I do have a little bit of a soft spot for a certain type of uniform I'm not going to say which one it is and yeah on I thought I would go on the website and that particular one and what I found was it was absolutely dreadful because you didn't actually get people in uniform. Registering what you got is all the people who would like to date somebody wearing a uniform dating that's what I
TinderGirl:found with fancy a ginger doc
Jon:won't actually any ginger people though they would just be
TinderGirl:disappointed. Just loads of non gingers looking for the agenda.
Jon:Can I delicately why you wanted to data ginger?
TinderGirl:I that's that's my kink, Jon.
Jon:I have been heard to say on many occasions that women who are ginger redheads are far more passionate in bed than just about any other hair colour in my experience. And I find that quite a lot of people agree with me, including the redheads. If we return to the matrix, though, I suspect they're in one very far corner of it. unicorns are completely crazy people. I'm
Bumbling:saying nothing more.
Jon:You see, this is nearing the end of our selection of podcasts. And as you can hear, dear listener, actually, instead of expanding more freely, our scribes are actually keeping most of this stuff now closely to their chest.
TinderGirl:We've all revealed so much already bumbling by
Jon:bumbling is this because one of your Twitter readers happened to leave you today.
Bumbling:You've called me out in my shame. Front was taken at my use of from my use of euphemisms for for genitalia last in last week's podcast. And yeah, at least one listener down. In fact, pretty much every time I tweet, I lose listeners. So I've got nothing more to say on the subject of unicorns or uniform because some I'd quite like to keep you know, I'd like not to drop below double figures this week. if I can help it.
Jon:Can I then I'll start with this question that I started asking. We're gonna use Why do uniforms make people more attractive? Is it just it's more interesting than you know a pair of sweatpants and a Def Leppard t shirt?
TinderGirl:Well, anything is more interesting than that. But I would say I would say it's the authority that comes with it. That sense of authority. Is it sexy?
Jon:Is that about power is that power being an aphrodisiac?
Delirious :Possibly the thing that I found quite interesting about it is that what I found is the type of men that fall into the particular uniform that I like, there is something about them, they tend to be alpha males, and they tend to have quite a good sense of humour. And that seems quite characteristic of that particular type of uniform and That's pretty much the type of man I'm attracted to.
Bumbling:So well i was i right up until the last second when he said alpha male, I was convinced it was the people in KFC.
Jon:That's just chicken. Ladies and gentlemen, you are listening. And you may be regretting listening but you are listening to the Date Advisor. As we peruse a selection of letters that are loosely associated with various dating terms from you, we move to v. and v is for virginity, ladies and gentlemen, virginity. And is it still something worth preserving? I'm going to approach this from the angle of one of the topics we talked about last week, which was a little bit of this idea that I think there are some women who are taught from a very early age that it is a kind of gift that you shouldn't give away freely even if it isn't your virginity sex as a whole should not be given away freely, which is why you make the man wait. But what's our view on virginity something worth preserving still,
TinderGirl:so long gone with my dignity? I can't remember.
Jon:Shiobhan help me here.
Siobhan:I'm the oldest of all of you. So I mean, I although I was elite, Allah was a late start. Right. I was a very late star
Jon:virginity during virginity is a long gone, but it's more the concept I'd like you to reflect on.
Siobhan:Yes, absolutely. Because, you know, as we've all talked about in a lovely relationship, it's worth waiting. And I think that it's probably Well, again, it depends on the individual. But I think that it's probably worth you know, exploring everything around it. You know, for for a good little while as a sort of late teenager before you jump in to the whole sort of murky depths of it all Tinder girl you were going to say?
TinderGirl:I think she was right. Actually, I think it is about the individual. I think it's, it's about when you're ready, and what you're wanting from out of it. I think possibly for your first time, it's probably nice to wait until you're in love. And it means something but but equally, once it's gone, it's gone.
Jon:It's a real Rarity, though, to meet somebody who may be either late teens or early 20s, who is still a virgin.
Siobhan:Yeah, I think you're right, because the proliferation of social media and the port and soft port and hardcore porn and whatever else that apparently is available to kids these days. must mean that they are while they're probably not mature enough emotionally to deal with it. They've seen a lot more than let's say any this group of us had seen that their particular ages.
Bumbling:I think that's fair. I do you think that virginity is probably something that's sort of made rather too much of, in the sense of other people looking at looking at at virgins, if that makes sense and talking about them? It's, you know, it's absolutely right if Tinder girl said to, to wait until you're in love, ideally, and you're in the right place, and I couldn't agree more with you, Vaughn, who fundamentally invented foreplay by saying it's it's good to explore all the things around it before. Before taking the plunge. I couldn't agree with them more. But it's um, I suspect that for most people losing one's virginity actually, isn't that great. It's an experience. It's a hurdle. It's almost like a hurdle that has to be got over but you don't. Typically, I would imagine, start enjoying sex until you've had a bit of practice at it. So I do wonder whether, you know, virginity. Yeah, it is. It's special, and it's precious and worth losing with the right person. But at the same time, it's only you know, I guess it's only like your virginity from not riding a bike or not being able to swim or whatever it is a milestone, rather than something to be put on a pedestal.
Jon:And I think he raised a really difficult point now, which is hard. You know who the right person is?
TinderGirl:You don't ever really do you in the moment you think there's a right person, I suppose the right person is the right person in that moment, as opposed to Oh my God, I've just want to get rid of it.
Jon:Delirious, that idea that it is a gift that should not be given away freely. It is something you preserve. Was that something you were taught when you were younger?
Delirious :Oh, yeah, it was definitely something I was taught when I was younger. And there was a certain amount of shame, I think even attached to it, because you know, being the age that I am, I'm just coming out to 53 and my parents regularly went to church. So yes, they're considerably older as well. Those values were definitely put on me, but I don't feel that I impose those same rigorous values. And if I use the word values that make it sound like, I don't care, of course I care. But I wouldn't have imposed that to the same degree on my own girls who are now grown up. But
Jon:Did it hold you back?
Delirious :Yes, it definitely did when I was younger, without a doubt,
Jon:for the right or the wrong reasons,
Delirious :I guess for the right reasons. Although, interestingly enough, when it did happen, it wasn't somebody I loved. It was just a moment of pure lust and absolutely fantastic.
TinderGirl:Brilliant
Bumbling:Bang goes my theory.
Delirious :The question I'd like to know is, can you regress back into virginity because I think that's the direction in which I am heading. I truly am, how long the periods you have to go through.
Jon:We've all met ladies who who have not had sex for a while and are of the opinion metaphorically that it has healed up. So therefore they are indeed born again. virgins.
Siobhan:So the question to bumbling and to Jon, about the message that gets sent to boys as teenage boys, your virginity is not something that you should preserve your I'm assuming actively, obviously, not by your parents, but maybe by your peers, you're actively encouraged to lose it would be great if
Bumbling:there was no messaging, I think is the is the short answer. Like delirious, older church going parents, so be the message home bunch. We didn't talk about sex. But if I'd been out having lots of sex that my parents found out, then I would have been in a lot of trouble. But there was no educational message. And from a peer group perspective, I mean, yeah, it was all a little bit in between, as you know, we all know who done it first and with whom, but it wasn't a competition,
Jon:though there was no requirement to have proved yourself in inverted commas. And even if there was, you could quite easily lie about it. Anyway. I do think though, the boys suffer from lack of proper discussion, or certainly did I'm sure it's changed now. But my prep school was largely the the 13 year olds all sitting around in a room with the school doctor, reading a pamphlet that talked about fruit flies a lot. And that was it. That really was it. The rest was you learn yourself from whatever you can manage to get your hands on probably from the top shelf of the newsagent,
Bumbling:there was a special cupboard in the school library that was kept locked. And you had to go and ask very, very wizard and, and quite scary librarian for the key to access the books in the special cupboard. And and she wouldn't always grant permission, she knew you know who all the kids were and how well behaved they were. And I think a lot of people probably never asked for access to the book because they knew it wouldn't have been granted.
Jon:Or alternatively have very interesting fantasies about school librarian or this
Bumbling:particular one, believe me. I'd love the opportunity to mention the girl with whom I lost my virginity, but not hers I have written about her, but gloriously her name. She wasn't I've changed it for the purposes of writing, but her name was the principal is exactly the same. And then was Martin Luther and therefore she was known in my household is king. And in those days, you know, it was that it was the landline home phone that rang and inevitably you'd never get to it first. And you know if your brother or sister answered they just bellow you know, Kings on the phone. Please don't let her have heard that!
Jon:So V is not only for virginity, but V is also for vulturing. For those who don't know Voltaren is when you sense a relationship is on the rocks and you start to circle your prey, the person who is about to break up or divorce in order to be able to sleep with them. Now please note simply waiting and hoping for a chance with someone in a relationship nosedive is not vulturing vulturing is when you are specifically taking advantage of someone who is in a weak or vulnerable position. Have any Has anyone here been vouchered or done the vulturing You sound appalled by the idea TinderGirl?
TinderGirl:it just it just seems very cynical. Actually I don't know why you would want someone when they're vulnerable.
Jon:when you're out of relationship and you've turned around and spoken to some of your you know your friends and so on. Nobody has turned on a gun haha. TinderGirl I see you're single these days?
TinderGirl:Oh. And then No, actually, sadly No, I'd probably be very grateful if someone would felt to me actually. I'm here ready to be bolted guy. Has anyone in this group cultured?
Delirious :I don't believe so. So I'm trying to rack my brains but I don't think I have
Bumbling:already racked my brains and same I certainly haven't all been vultures. If I knew lots of hot single women who wanted to vouch for me, I'd be laid out there like on the Ganges being picked up from all directions.
TinderGirl:We need to work out where to hang out, where are the vultures? If you know
Siobhan:they're slightly propositioned by an axe is made, and I thought it was slightly distasteful and sort of declined, but I think probably because it wasn't attracted to him anyway, rather than the circumstances.
Jon:A lot of women who are fresh out of marriages having divorced their husbands have been approached by the husbands of their friends, I find that quite regularly.
Delirious :Yes, I've heard that too. Well, I can sort of contribute. I can relate to that. In a way it wasn't a friend's husband, but certainly when my marriage was starting to go down the pan, I had somebody at work. Definitely. Who was circling, circling? Yes. Good description. And he picked up very much on the fact that things weren't quite right and dug a bit deeper. And then was, was there to lend a listening ear and shoulder to cry on and yes, was definitely, definitely trying to take advantage of that situation.
TinderGirl:How did you feel about that? delirious?
Delirious :I ended up going into a relationship with him. I really, yeah.
TinderGirl:I do. You did find it attractive. Or you just you just sort of were made me started with an emotional bond?
Delirious :Yes, I thought he was being incredibly kind and considerate. But he he definitely. I do believe that's what it was. Really, when I look, look back on it. It was probably a bit too soon. If I'm honest. Well, you've been vultured.
Bumbling:And perhaps you didn't even know until until then.
Delirious :No, I didn't. Until this podcast. There you go.
Bumbling:Delirious Dating Damsel - carrion for everyone.
Jon:We aim to be a service not just for our listeners, but also for our contributors to that's where we'll pause our letters. And we look into a little bag of profiles to see if anyone has found anything recently that is worthy of mention or indeed criticism.
Siobhan:So I have one from a mysterious mysterious man and the the interest please read in capital letters. Are you looking for a man who will stimulate your mind excite your senses and pleasure your body? there I'll endowed orally gifted if you're an uninhabited lady, that we'd like to be kissed and satisfied deeply. I'm the one for you. Looking for something ongoing?
Bumbling:Wow.
Siobhan:Uninhabited. It was just fabulous.
Jon:Looking for a little two up two down is he?
Bumbling:I have a couple of extracts more than anything else gloriously from Facebook dating which entirely for research purposes. You understand they've spent a tiny amount of time on and my god is it a horrifying cesspit?
Jon:It is oh it is I have not come across a more awful place to date than Facebook dating it is diabolically bad
Bumbling:somebody took bits of hinge and introduce them to the barrels scrapings of plenty of fish. And kind of you know, it's it's Yeah,
Jon:you're doing it. You're Bigging it up. Wow. If only it were that good
Bumbling:Here are my glorious extracts. There's just a little bit this one. And I appreciate the English may not have been a first language but in answer to the question, the best dating advice that I can give you. This lady's just written by yourself and then put a smiley face after it that said, dating dating by yourself. Definitely the way to do this is my favourite it's archetypal. But it's something I saved it because it is so special. You have one life, so don't waste time. Live your life and live it well. And full live Love, love heart emoji.
Jon:Someone's just been reading the little book of calm or something similar, haven't they? And I'll just lift straight
Bumbling:from that on the Can I just do my very final one which is some which perplexed A little bit because the question is if I could only eat three foods for the rest of my life they'd be and this person answered chilli jacket potato chicken I thought I want more adventure in my
Jon:life bumbling
Delirious :bumbling i can i can match you on that from a one from a from a from a woman's perspective reading on a man's profile if I could only three feet the rest of my life they'd be and this is what he put pi and liquor and cheese beans on toast chicken bits and you
Jon:fish bits I would have understood it
TinderGirl:does not go down that line again. I've got a really quick one here for you. So the hinge hint is I want someone who and the response is will look good in my recently deceased wife's clothes.
Jon:Well ladies and gentlemen, that is where we must disembark from our own personal love Island. Sadly, there has been no coupling or uncoupling conscious or otherwise, but hopefully, scantily clad scribes have been able to offer some insights into the darker waters particularly darker the last one, the darker waters of online dating. We will do it all again next week. You bring the headphones and we'll bring the tales of dire distress from another edition of the Dateadvisor. Goodbye.
Delirious :Good I can't wait to get this leather corset off and these long leather boots