Caroline Rhea - Comedian known for her role as Aunt Hilda on Sabrina the Teenage Witch, Phineas and Ferb, Sydney to the Max and Caroline and Friends on the Game Show Network (Recorded live at the Punchline Comedy Club in Atlanta, Georgia)

Between shows in a busy weekend at the Punchline Comedy Club in Atlanta, Caroline Rhea pulled up a chair to the Comedy Roundtable.

Caroline  Rhea is a stand-up comedian and actress, best known for her role as Hilda Spellman on the ABC hit series Sabrina The Teenage Witch,  and numerous comedy specials on  Comedy Central, HBO and Showtime. Caroline is currently starring  in Disney Channel’s Sydney  to the Max, and hosts Caroline and Friends,  her hit game show for Game Show Network, now in its second season. She is a regular panelist on ABC's Match Game with Alec Baldwin, and is often on other game shows such as Hollywood Squares and Funny You Should Ask. Caroline was the host of  the Caroline Rhea Show,  has appeared as Linda Flynn Fletcher on Phineas  and Ferb for over 10 seasons,  and has guest starred on many hit series, including Two  Broke Girls, The Mark Maron Show,  and The Grinder. Caroline starred as Noleta  Nethercott in the cult classic series Sordid  Lives, and reprised her  role in the film A Very  Sordid Wedding, which  ranked #1 on Amazon Films for a full month following its release. Most recently, she can be seen on the dais of Comedy Central’s Roast of Alec Baldwin.  This marks Caroline's 30th year as a stand up comedian.

Note about the episode artwork: Adam looks a bit different in the picture, must have been the lighting. 

Transcript

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Ladies and gentleman, comedy roundtable these are great questions. Yes, good comedian a math question. Really good question. Thank you. This is so much fun you guys. That is a good question. And that lightning round was so fun. That's a really good question. comedy fans con versation enthusiast it is a brand new episode of the comedy roundtable pull up a chair settle in. We have a great conversation for you this episode. Let's get this party started. Jamie Bendel Jamie, Hernan, Adam. Hey look at you getting in on the game. I appreciate that. Usually you're so negative about him giving me the big intro. I just figured people deserve to hear it in stereo. I didn't even know that our podcast was available in stereo. Yeah, it is actually. And actually, if you put the SAP button, it's available in Spanish. We have saved a cheer for you our listener and we've also saved the chair here at the roundtable for our guest this evening. Caroline Ray, when will Jada Pinkett arrived. This is the only round table that I will see. She'll be here shortly. Why would anyone go on that show? be terrified? Yeah. Are there shows that you've been on where you've been intimidated by the host? Just you Jamie that would be that is? Roseanne show. We both got hysterical. Like we got the giggles Yeah. Because she didn't know what to ask me. She wasn't reading anything that was prepared. She was I was just like, the other person to talk to you I kill was. I didn't kill but I was on magic. Magic Johnson's last show. The very, very last show. They were literally patrolling guests. And I've worked at Paramount. And then when Caroline when you do the show, we'll do the show. I'm like, Okay, I'll do the show. And then I knew it wasn't going super well because he looked and it was like he was several weeks in. He's like, which one is my camera? Oh, all right, bad sign. We're literally in a diner I'm at the point of my career will work for pie. It's got the greatest dessert menu menus, like 13 pages long. It's got all kinds of pictures. It's got everything from pictures. Doesn't that say something? You don't go to a fancy restaurant and they have pictures. I like the picture. When people come in drunk at three in the morning. They're like, I can't read it. But I think I want that. I think that gives you like Margaritaville shrimp and lamb chops on the same menu. You're like, okay, we're getting extensive here. I would like Jimmy Buffett and Aundrea Bocelli to sing. That's my feeling is that the truth in advertising, probably for profile pics, and menu pics is about the same. They use the same filtering. Right now on reality. All right, well, we are here at the round table in the corner of the landmark diner punch line comedy club in between shows, the 15 shows the Jamie books are on. By the way in the next time I'm here. I'd like to do one three and five. Who does that? Jamie's back to work back to work. But first show is great. Great, good audience. The materials new like it's all good stuff. So we're gonna do this really quick because you have to get on back on stage for the 10 o'clock show. Isn't live No, no, no, no. Okay. Yeah. All right. So we have three subjects All right. Of which you will only utilize to Yes, when will die forever one will not be utilized. Your subject choices are summer camp. underdogs or good sports. Why I get to you just pick one. Oh, summer camp summer camp starting with Adam. Okay, so I attended summers camp as a kid and my fondest memory of summer camp was the first girl I ever kissed was at summer camp. Do you remember the first guy you ever kissed? Of course I do. And what's what was the story there? I can't I still haven't worked through it in therapy. I hate him so much. This is like triggered vomit when I think of them. Oh. Jerk. Yeah, but I loved summer camp. Okay. Did you ever kiss a boy summer camp course I did. Not only do I kiss a boy summer camp. But the first boy that I ever loved David Lister. Oh, who we used to play tetherball together at tennis camp. By the way, if I didn't go to tennis camp, I wouldn't be an actress because I was in love with my drama counselor. Oh, summer camp drama. I gotta tell you something. Here's a weird thing that happened in my life in the last few years. I meet everyone from my past. In the last three years, I have met three men and they're all Libras two born the same day one I hadn't seen in 45 years when I hadn't seen in 25 years. And when I hadn't seen in 20 years, which just proves that when a man says I will call you back he means within his lifetime. There's never like don't hold out for the weekend like so. The ball tournament. Yeah, it's a tetherball tournament. So I was at a restaurant and I went with my best friend and we were to pasties in New York and it was like really late and we shouldn't have been going and it was like 10 o'clock at night. And we went with Craig Bierko and my friend Jennifer Yeah, and Jennifer and I got there first and she looked over at this woman and she goes oh my god, I think that's my college roommate but it can't be because she has her hair the exact same way that she wore it when we were in college. I go Jan we aren't we look exactly the same. lipstick I've been wearing since I was 11 Silvercity. Pink we all do. We're just older teenagers, right? So then we walk over and she sees her, right? Yeah. And then as we're at the table, I go, You know what? I've been to this restaurant three times. Every time I'm at this restaurant and sequins beltro. Chris Martin turns around goes, well, this is a fourth time and I see Gwyneth and I'm like, Oh, this is where I know ever so vaguely. And so we chat. And then we have dinner and the entire night, Craig Bierko is convinced that these girls are staring at him. But I haven't been on screen and I'm a chick magnet, right? So I know that these young girls are staring at me and not him. But he's convinced. So instead of walking into the restaurant this way, we go around and we pass these girls. Yes. And then he's like, can we please pass them? They've been making eye contact with me. And I'm like, This is gonna be a bad one. This isn't gonna work. Partner and they're like, Oh, my God, were you. Okay, and I go, Yeah, so then now we're at the table where the college roommate was. And this guy says to me, Caroline, and I go Hi. I just thought, okay, not fat headed. But at the time I had a talk show, ya know, people know. Yeah, people know your name. Especially in New York. So go Carolina, Carolina. If I saw you, I go high. Like it wouldn't be a weird thing. So he goes, he goes Carolina, David Lister, and I go David Lister to Deerpath lane. Weston mass. Oh, 2193 born August 6 19. And he's like this a bit. And then I wrote a pilot called called Plan B, because my fiancee and I had broken up. And then I met him and I was like, Well, clearly, I meant to marry him. And this was the timing. Clearly, he married an Austrian girl who could barely speak English and settle over about her baby all the time. So baby, so he settled for somebody else. Yeah, obviously. Anyway, did you say? Yeah. Is that where you grew up? No. That's where he grew up. In Wayland mass for a while. Deerpath lane? Yes. Your Social Security. Now we live in Boston Post Road in Wayland, different town Wayland, where we're right next to each other. So close. Just like right next to each other. It was great until I had my daughter the happiest time of my life was summer camp. I went for seven years. Nice. Yes. We've talked about this. Counselors. Yeah. So let's pretend that you are teaching drama at a summer camp in upstate New York, which I have done. We are your campers. Okay. The four of us need to act out a scene. Okay. So give us each character, a scene a little direction. And let's make some magic summer camp. Okay, do we have to have a play in mind because I had to write a play literally type it into the typewriter from my brain. Because when I said I was going to pick up the scripts, I was actually writing making out with Richard Stevenson for three days and then go back and literally wrote a script into the typewriter. I'm not kidding. Yeah. Okay. So are you going to do the scene or how am I going to direct you're gonna do this right? CG character. Okay. Are you all right? I'm Dorothy. Okay. All right. You're the scaredy cat. Lion. Right? That makes sense. You're the Tin Man checks out and you're the Scarecrow. Okay. Okay. It said seen when I'm leaving. And I'm like, Well, I'm gonna miss all of you so much. Why will you with me? Don't go out your door. needy, needy. I don't care if you leave. Yeah. All right. That's the only one I believed out of the three of you. That's the only one I believe. First of all, this is somebody getting in the car. Probably a Volvo station wagon. And I'm being told that was amazing. You were amazing. The part we told Dorothy, the snapper. Dorothy are so good. Let's just make sure that we're all on the same page. I have something completely unrelated but related. Yeah. Okay, so this is a girl man question. Can I just do that? Sure. Of course. Okay. I I was sent flowers and chocolates in 1950. Because I went to a concert with a friend of mine. Yeah. And he's and then he stayed at the house for like two days in the guest house. And he sent flowers and chocolates. Nice. And he loves my dog Stella and I wrote back as Stella. I said, thank you. I just want to tell you your dream boat and I'm in love with you. But I'm delirious because of the chocolate which apparently you didn't know is poisonous dogs, to dogs. And I said, this reminds me of Romeo and Juliet, which I have eaten many copies of because she's a dog. Right? And But Mommy was upset because it reminded her that when she was in college, she had to play the nurse even though she was only 20. Because the nurse is the equivalent Shakespearean equivalent of the sitcom neighbor. Right, right. Yes, yeah, right. Or the court jester or whatever. And then I said yours forever. Well, at least six to eight hours according to poison control. First of all, it's nice how much Stella knows you he hearted it? That's it. Yeah, no volley back. No, you just farted it. Yeah. harden it. Yeah, that's not good. Does that to a dog? You know what that's you're stealing three days and you can you imagine the diagnosis. Oh, geez. Doesn't know emojis don't even mean Yeah. Up till I said because we have been talking about language love languages I said I just want you to know that I've changed with My Love Languages, whatever mine whatever the one that is most irritated by writing comedy and having it hearted. That's the best my language. Eight was, ya know? So is that a very harsh response on my part? No, no, that was Daisley later he has texted me saying hey, can we catch up this weekend and talk and I'm like, fuck no we can't No just hurt that hurt it hurt it back loved it but if I say that to heart no. Oh all right. My question about summer camp. I never went to sleep over summer camp. I went to daycare not the same. Yeah, we called that what was it too long in your setup, I was the day camper. And do you think that that just leaves me as a flawed adult? It makes me feel one of two things. One you had a problem and we're worried about peeing in your sleeping bag. Homesickness day I just wasn't I was wasn't overly interested in camp but I think now as an adult and I hear everybody tell the camp stories biggest adult camp counselor for anyone I know oh my God wouldn't Jamie have been you weren't you camp counseled your three girls through their entire childhood, you know, like I can't compensated that you did. I was a kid I had overcompensated. As an adult, I was gonna say compensated I need my buzzer was broken. It's not I keep passing in. And I'm like a second behind. You have a 10 o'clock show coming up. This segment. Yeah, quick. So we will be back with more of the comedy round table here at the punch line comedy club in Atlanta, Jamie, Jamie and Adam our guest Caroline Ray. 100 years ago, there were 100,000 tigers in the wild. Today. There are his view is 3200 the earth wild animals can't speak up when they need help. But we can be the voice for those who have no voice visit world wildlife.org Hi, I'm Carson Kressley have all the resources in the world kindness is the most precious. For more than 140 years, American Humane has been working to protect animals in disasters on farms on the silver screen. And in zoos and aquariums caring for the world's vanishing creatures. You can help too, by making humane choices every day. Visit American humane.org For simple ways to build a more caring and compassionate world for all of us. Hi, friends, welcome to they're terrified and tipsy. My name is Courtney. And I'm Stephanie. Since we have very different feelings about scary movies, we decided to share our emotional struggles with you all. So grab a glass of wine, your favorite couch blanket and get comfy and enjoy the ride with us. You can find our terrified and tipsy on Instagram and Twitter plus all the podcast platforms for links head over to tipsy pi.com Cheers. comedy round two roundtable returns our guest the very talented is Caroline Ray, you know I've always thought of you as Johnny Carson and just hearing your voice now doing this. This is what you're meant to be doing. Right? Yes. All right. So we are here we're between shows punch line comedy club in Atlanta back out on the road doing a bunch of gigs. A bunch of gigs. I'm doing a special so I've been out there writing new material working on new material doing all this new right? Yeah, no, no, it was great. always entertaining. Always. Always so needy. Right. Please tell me and forgot for a little while in there during COVID. I thought oh, God, we're done. Like we're not getting I'm not gonna get to do this. And what you I don't know if you feel this as a comedian, but for me, it is seriously how I process my life. It is like, absolutely must talk to people and know that we're all feeling the same thing. Right? It is our connection and what we have in common that makes it interesting. Absolute right. It's actually beautiful. Yeah. So it was very depressing to me. Yeah. And I got very depressed during COVID like thinking, Oh, God, we're never gonna do this again. And then I was so afraid of it. And then when I finally got COVID, and I was okay, I ran to the stage. And I have not gotten off it since then. Yeah, well, and it's back where you belong. It's of all the things I get to do. This is the one where I'm like completely happiest doing. Oh, that's awesome. Your remaining subjects to choose from are either underdogs or good sports, I guess underdogs. underdogs starting where when I grew up it was pronounced Canadiens was the underdog always the underdog? I thought bronze was the highest you could get at the The Olympics when I was no idea your bronze or you didn't get any Yeah, I felt so bad for me. I was like, Oh, you got to silver bronze is so much better. Okay underdogs I have a question for you if that's my topic. Yes ma'am. Your Did you fucking call me ma'am and I am probably the same age as you. Oh my god. Yes ma'am. As you fire back Oh, yes ma'am, ma'am which is I've always said it's southern for no longer Hi. We cannot say that closing. Okay listen, listen Yeah, underdogs your lawyers you're obviously very smart focused individuals that you were able to get through law school that's not easy and then you went to article or whatever they call it here in this country. What do you call that when your State Bar yeah you pass the bar but when you work for the articling is what they call it in Canada attorney. Attorney. Yeah, but I know this answer with Jamie because he actually is first and foremost a comedian but like you're the underdogs. Did you just want to be comics? Like what are you doing the deal with like, podcasts with funny people? Did you want to be a lawyer? Or did you feel obligated to become one? I just like talking to funny people. You know what? That's bad answer. What's on you? You're Taurus, what are you? What's so funny? What's funny, you know, what's funny? Let's get through the question, then I want to do this part. Do this. Tell me first I said, Are you a Taurus? No. Are you a lawyer on me? Legally? You tell me you tell me do you know that I show you my sign? Objection asked an answer. So I would tell you that I know the astrological wizard the witch. Yeah, I know. I got it right too many times today. But I want to know like, you're obviously this this to me. If you've spent so much of your life and that's a lot of discipline to get through to become a lawyer. Why are you doing this? You are the underdogs of comedy. Yeah. My son doesn't support it. I'm I'm on like a February 19. So I'm like an Aquarius Pisces cusp. Are you really? Yeah. Okay. All right. Anything you've said tonight? What about you Libra? Oh, you're a Libra. Yes. So a Gemini a Libra and you're kind of an Aquarius, but you're really more of a Pisces. I'm like the day that it switches based on what news? Pull up. Yeah. But then you'd be all the air signs. Okay, so what is the deal? It you're not fulfilled as lawyers. I'm an Aries Aquarius rising Taurus Moon, Gemini, Venus. Extreme fixed planets in Virgo. What do you need to know? Are we supposed to get along Aries and Aquarius is in Pisces very much. Okay, because we have it. I'm so glad you let me know. Otherwise, I wouldn't. I wouldn't have had any appreciation of that. All right, under dogs. Adam. Let's go. All right. underdogs. So do you like hot dogs? I love hot dogs. happy memories of them. So I like to put my condiments under the hot dog buns. I'll actually do condiment first and then hot dog on top of it. Okay, and what are your condiments of choice? So I go full Chicago dog. Okay, which is which is I go tomatoes. I go relish I go a pickle spear. I go chopped onions. I go a mustard on the underneath it's mustard and then a little celery salt is your hot dog still in the back? I was like your hot dog is deep is the bar it's it looks like a salad kind of thing on top of our dog. Looks like it looks like it looks like a bald man with just the top Yeah, closed. Yeah, Jamie. Wow, there's a million different other dirtier ways of saying that. That one was there a question? Yes. Just telling me about the guy was asking what top girl economists you like? Very standard has to be American mustard not Dijon. I hate Dijon ruins the entire yellow mustard. I like the yellow mustard and the yellow cheese. It's so tacky. Okay, no ketchup though. No, no, I don't want the cheese on the hotdog. I'm just saying in terms of like generic coloring. I like that. I have to have ketchup, relish and mustard. Okay, perfect. That's a good dog. That's a good, that's it. That isn't good. And we call them steamed A's in Quebec. CMA CMA, CMA. CMA is a hot dog messy. So what's the question? Just we're just talking about your dog. James, okay. All right, the US Men's National Soccer Team will take the field in Qatar in around 12 hours as a heavy underdog against the Netherlands despite taking a shot to the Netherlands in the match against Iran. Christian Pulisic is expected to play in the game. What is the time that you had to play injured so to speak in your comedy or acting career, I was in my first professional play and a piano literally fell on me before I went onstage like crushed my foot. And I was literally offstage and on stage and it was like nothing had happened. It wasn't like a piano falling from backstage and it like fell on my foot. I'm sure if it had just happened, and I didn't have to be somewhere. I would have been hospitalized. The pain was so enormous. I think it broke every single one of my toes. But I just went on stage there's some weird thing that happens that you're so present on stage. I also write before my Jim Connor at horseback riding camp. Cochise the world's oldest horse, because I got to Cochise I got to pay for First of all the horses and I picked this horse because I knew he would go the slowest while I was grooming him. He also stood on my foot, but I knew I was gonna get in trouble for being right. So I was like, please get off my fight he's hard of hearing he could easily get here would you will say was it the cane that gave it away that he was old? Man said to me today at this door, girl, you're still out here working? What am I the world's oldest prostitute? You think? Do you think I'm gonna do retire? I go, would you like to pay for my daughter to go to college? Right. All right. My question about underdogs. If you could only root for one if I could. Yeah, and you had to pick? Would you choose always to root for the underdog or always to root for the favorite? Do you guys just play like Dungeons and Dragons for six hours and then come up with questions? Totally, totally. Do in our parents basement. We are nerd men. And we have bonded in a group person choose the underdog. Choosing the underdogs. Let's let this favorite excuse yourself. All right, she's got to get back on stage. The three of you now you figure out who that was. Oh, bah bah bum thank you to our guest Caroline Ray this episode here of comedy round table punch line comedy Club, inside the landmark diner in Atlanta, Georgia. If you want to come watch us make this sausage alive. You can find Caroline online at Caroline re for the number for real on Tik Tok or Instagram or in a town near you. For Jamie Jamie and Adam budgetair back where you found it. We will see you next time here on the comedy round table. Girls and boys in poverty around the world are dreaming of a better life and a brighter future. Children International and friends like you are giving these children a chance to achieve their dreams by ensuring that they have access to health care, education, life skills and more. So they can grow, thrive and believe in themselves. Learn more about children International and join us in our life changing work@children.org today. 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