Well, That F*cked Me Up! Surviving Life Changing Events.
Well, That F*cked Me Up! Surviving Life Changing Events.
S6 EP24: Simon's Story - From Bullied To Black Belt!
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Those who first meet Simon Morrell are often very surprised at his history and background. You see, today, Simon, as one of Wales’ singularly most qualified martial artists and fight coaches with a library of books to his name, comes across as a confident person, but his childhood and early adult years were an experience far from anything that may have provided this.
Simon was badly bullied, violently assaulted (at one time, an attempt on his life was made by a knife wielding thug) and eventually succumbed to terrifying panic attacks that threatened to ruin his life. He fell to agoraphobia, and for a long time was unable to leave his house.
However, he was quite remarkably able to turn his life around when he found his path in writing and Martial Arts. He is the author of the award-winning books and true stories, From Bullied to Black Belt and the sequel An Everyday Warrior, as well as three other books of his own and five books his has Ghostwritten.
This episode it raw, emotive and brutal at times. But Simon is a kind hearted and extremely likable guy who has been to hell and come back fighting!
https://www.simonmorrell.com/
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Welcome to an episode of Well That Fucked Me Up. My name is Luke Colson. Today I am joined by Simon Morell. Hi, Simon. Hello, Luke. How are you? Good. An English accent there, I hear. An English accent.
SPEAKER_01Of a different region, though. Of a different I'm not from London. I'm not from that London.
SPEAKER_00I'm here. I hear the Liverpool. Yeah. Very cool. Well, thanks so much for coming on, Simon. I appreciate you joining the show. Every week we have a guest who comes on and we discuss surviving life-changing events and experiences. That can be anything from um illness, diagnosis, relationships, workplace toxicity, abuse, childhood trauma. And the general through line here is like the journey through, how it affected us and how we managed to get through it or how we are getting through it into our later life as we grow as we grow through our lives. So with that, Simon, where would you like to begin?
SPEAKER_01Right at the very beginning. Great place to start. Big fan of it. Big fan. Big fan of the beginning. Multi, it could sound a bit of a pity parse. It's not my goal to tell the story to get sympathy, but like a lot of children, I was bullied from a very early age, um, right, from the age of five. Um escalated. Uh absolutely, yeah. And it what didn't um what didn't help is I had a father who was uh we lived in a small town in North Wales and he owned a business, he employed 30 people. I don't hold this against him, he was fresh out of jail, but he forced me to be a gangster. And I I knew from an early age, and again, no pity party, I was a black sheep, so I didn't get any support at home. I got the opposite, yeah. So the my conference was zilch. Yeah, um, so I plundled through primary school, um, etc. etc. Taunted by my dad, ridiculed by my father for not standing up for myself. Um, got into my teens, and the bullying then became violent assaults, and there were some proper beatings. Yeah, um, I'd go home and look for a bit of support, and I'd I'd get it uh twice folded as the word off my father, uh, quite handy for his fists, a very, very controlling man. Oh no. Um when I was uh 15, I was a victim of a knife attack. Uh there was a guy, and uh someone told me I can't I'm not allowed to use this term, but I can't think of any other term. I think you'd call him maybe psychotic nowadays. He was a he was a skin edge, right?
SPEAKER_00You you can use all of those terms, yes.
SPEAKER_01Okay, all right. I was told that's on one podcast, no, but he latched onto me. Uh I'd gone out with his his ex-girlfriend for two weeks and kissed that I was such a shy, withdrawn kid. She bit me. But this guy latched onto me, yeah, and he was a vicious, vicious, he was 16, 17. Um, and he was um it beat me and it swung me. Uh I compared I compared him to De Niro's character, Max Caddy, in the film Cape Fear.
SPEAKER_02Right.
SPEAKER_01He was uh dark, yeah. Yeah, and um he would mess at your mind, you'd see him one day, and you'd you'd go into fight or flight, yeah. And you'd think and the next day it just wallop you.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01So like I say, the thing that kind of really kind of escalated, my dad was a name in the town. Right. This kid would think of nothing of knocking on my front door and saying, Get out, I'm gonna batter you tonight. And Luke, I was that weak, I would think of going. Yeah, and his friends would be behind me going, Don't don't come outside. So I said to him, Listen, you know who my dad is, you know what he's about. I said he's in the house. Yeah, and he said, If you go and get him, I'll batter him as well.
SPEAKER_00Oh my god, this guy had some balls, didn't he? Didn't he? Didn't he?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and it was the first time um it went on for six months. And then uh I didn't leave my house.
SPEAKER_00Um sorry to interrupt, but I had a very similar thing growing up, and I was in in Fulham in the suburbs areas of Fulham by the River Thames by Craven Cottage, actually. And um the I got in with a group of kids and everything was fine, but you know, I was considered like the posh, the posh kid, you know what I mean? And um and one and similarly, one minute I would be seemingly fine in this group, and then the next minute they'd they'd turn on me. Yeah, they would and that this whole idea of this kind of manipulative behaviour, and because I was sim I was very, very, very low in confidence also because of my relationship with my father. I didn't have the wherewithal to think that this is not a fucking safe, this is not a safe situation. My dad wasn't there to help or give me advice on that, and I was I guess just thought this is what friendships are, and you're and you're and you're treading a tightrope basically, and it's saying this one guy broke into my house while I was at home, climbed up the outside balcony, broke in, and then started throwing shit down the stairs from my brother's room just to like just to fuck with me. And similarly, they would um they would two of them would just ring on the doorbell. My mum and dad would open answer the door, and they'd be like, get him out, get him out here, tell him to come out the the the pussy, this, that, and the other. And I was like, So very similar. Luke, at that age, that's heavy, isn't it? Very, very, very similar and terr absolutely terrifying. And I got punched clean in the nose once, break my break my nose. And then at one point, they tracked me down somewhere. Um, I was trying to it escalated to a point where they got like in their mind that they were gonna hurt me, like hurt me, hurt me. Yeah, and they tried to bundle me into the back of like the boot, the trunk of a car one night. Wow, and I that was that you know, called the police, they gave them a warning. They didn't they didn't care, they were like, whatever. Yeah, whatever. What are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? We're we're juveniles, what are you gonna do? You know, yeah, they know it works. Absolutely terrifying.
SPEAKER_01Sorry, yeah, but they they know how it works, police can't do anything. This kind of this guy, um, it escalated in in the it's sorry, it came to finale. I have never seen my father take a backward step, and he this kid caught up with me. Um there's it's a kind of a nice sad end to the story. Um and he's gonna give me a hiding. And I got over, I went to a house and I phoned my dad. He was in a club, and he was like, Came down, yeah. And he said, uh, he jumped out, him and his mate, and this dad's standing there, this 17-year-old, 16-year-old skinhead. And he said, This is my kid. He said, You know who I am, blah blah blah blah blah. My dad said, Yeah, you leave him alone. And you know what, Luke? What the what Jimmy, Jimmy was the kid's name, what he said to me chilled me. He said, Mr. Morelli, he said, when he's 18. And my dad said, What do you mean when he's 18? He said, When he's out of your control, he said, because you all know everyone in the town knows how weak Simon is. When he's out of your control, I'm gonna kill him. And my dad took a step back and I went, Oh god. And my dad said, Get in the car. So I got in the car and we went home and he went, Go to your room. I was like 16, go to your room, yeah. So we went out that night and he he came, we'd had a few drinks and he came back. He went, Why can't you stand up for yourself? Oh yeah, you know what? I said, I've no idea why I can't stand up for myself. And he said, You bring a shame, you bring shame on the family. Oh my god. It's a different, yeah. I have to do it.
SPEAKER_00If you're not that way, and I understand that too, but I never fought back. And you know, there's this mentality which is like you stand up for yourself once and you show the bullies that you're not gonna take it, and they'll and they won't pick on you anymore. But that's like that's that's fair to say in practice, absolutely in principle, right? But it's like if you're not made up that way, there you go. I've never fought anyone in my life, but I've been on the fucking receiving end in my in my in my childhood years, okay, and I hate that. Like when I look back, I'm like, why can't I just clobber that guy or at least tried, or do you know what I mean? But then that's not who I am, and that's not how I'm bringing up my kids either. Do you know what I mean? And it's funny that your dad's like that is like you're no you're no son of mine because you can't punch people back. Like it's funny. Some people I know I know dads who you know tell their kids you got if someone punches you, punch back or fight back or show them who's boss. And I get that. I get that. There's there's perfect sense in that. But you're like me. It's like I don't I don't have that. I don't know, I don't have that in me.
SPEAKER_01I understand I get it. Luke, at the time, I I I totally get as a professional instructor now, martial arts instructor. I've I've done my bit now, I learned I could do stuff, yeah.
SPEAKER_00I'm looking forward to hearing about that.
SPEAKER_01It annoys me, yeah. And I had an argument with a top local uh a top UK instructor, and he said you don't know what you're talking about. I said, I think you're fine to do. You can't say to a child, yeah, smack a bully and he'll leave you alone. That's right. Because you might if you you have to equip them with the skills, correct? You have to get them to a boxing gym, a wrestling gym, correct, a karate gym, whatever. Correct. You can't just go wave a magic wand. Yeah, I did it once, yeah. Yeah, I it's sad that I had a go at me. It wasn't really bullying, it was more stupid tip. And I thought, I'm not, I'm sick of it. And I punched him in the head. I turned around and went, Do you want me to forgive you for that? Yeah, I thought, my god, I don't know how to fight. You gotta tell your children, hit back, teach them to hit back, yeah. Teach hit back. My sister was um, I haven't seen her sister for many years where we kind of parted company, but she was a big supporter of mine, and she got um involved. She her boyfriend was a black belt, and I didn't know this, yeah. But um, she said, Let's take up karate. And I went, No, and she said, No, no, no, you need to do something. We're all goes to karate. I didn't know that the instructor was her boyfriend. So lo and behold, three or four weeks in, and I thought, I love this, I'm not very good at it. I'm in stone, I don't really take a ball shape, bro. I love this. Yeah, and then he said, Listen, he said, I'm going out with your sister, I'm gonna take you under my wing. Oh, that's nice. He was he was a second and he was the the uh the captain of the Welsh karate team. Oh wow! So for two or three years, he was my hero. He replaced my father, yeah. Wow, he took me running, he taught me to fight, he took me, he gave me confidence, and I loved him, right? Yeah, and I was I think I was like greenbelt, yeah, and I was 17, yeah, and he's second Dan. Uh he's probably about 14 stone. We're at the door, and I thought this is karate, you know, I've got it, yeah. And I'd around my sister, and Luke, he absolutely battered me, and I mean, on the floor, kicking me when I was vomiting, and I was like, Oh my god, and my little brother was probably 10 trying to drag him off, yeah. Wow, and I thought I said to him, I got up and I said, You should be ashamed of yourself. I said, if that's karate, I said you can keep it right. And so I sort of found pubs and sort of boozing, right? But I could go into a pub and someone's saying, Oh, you're Peter Morel's son. Punch because your dad ripped my my dad off, or your dad sacked my mum, or your dad upset. Oh my god. Everywhere I went. So then uh I made friends with this young girl. Uh she was 15, I was 17, and I got on for her, and we were buddies, yeah. That was 45 years ago. She's in the other room now, she's in her life, right? Wow. Three children and 10 dogs, and she's been through everything through me through drink problems, through IRA, through everything, yeah. Yeah, she's only a kid, and she said to me, you know, she said, um, we got together, she said we could make something here. She said, but you've she said you've got to start standing up for yourself.
SPEAKER_00Oh my god.
SPEAKER_01So this time I was um and she was good about it, yeah. She understood, yeah. And I was agrophobic. I mean, we moved into a house together now, can I 18-19, and I couldn't get off the city. And the worst thing was I didn't even know what I was afraid of. Yeah, the fear just beat me down so much.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, you've got you got you got full-blown PTSD from essentially every time you're walking out the house, you've got a threat. You've got someone you don't know, whether it's going to be the kids from around the way, whether it's gonna be your sister's ex crazy karate ex boyfriend, whether it's the people in the pub that have beef with your dad. Yeah, you don't you don't know where you don't know where's safe. You get it. You've learned to uh to believe, or your your brain has learned to believe that every single fucking step you take is a threat, which is not true, but you have to start to train your brain that that's not true.
SPEAKER_01Absolutely, absolutely. I've never heard it put quite like that, yeah. You've got constantly, thank you, Luke. Yeah, you constantly in fight or flight, aren't you? 100%, yeah. And the only one who got it was Julie. Yeah, and I used to hear she get up for work in the morning, and like I said, we live together, not to go to work. I'm sitting there feeling ashamed because I'm lying in bed again, never once judged me. And then comes to a point where she said, Right, we'll go for a walk, right? And I went for a walk, and then you know, she got me out of the house. And if I went to a pub, I'd have to stand by the door so I could get out quickly, which is now classic fight or flight. Wow, why don't you take up martial arts again? Yeah, you know what, Luke, not once did she criticize me. Yeah, so you need a bit of confidence, okay? Yeah, but martial arts again, and I went to a different martial arts school, and I thought I'd go for three months and I'll get a bit of confidence. That was 40 years ago. Yeah, and I never left.
SPEAKER_00Oh, that's good that that that was the thing that took, right? And it started to build you up. But I bet that journey was long, right? Because I'm still dealing with this shit, right? Same with you, same as with you, like 40 years later.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Where my so for me, talking about drinking, right? That was how I dealt with the trauma of my past. So and my my past included um a friend of mine dying when I was 11 years old in front of me. Wow. And that was all part, kind of part of the same thing. Yeah, we were we used to BMX in the park. This park was dangerous. There were just a fucking bunch of lunatics in there, like kids, older kids, younger kids, that people tried to steal our BMXs and they came, they chased us out the park. He came off his bike, hit his head on a car, and died. Right. And then the next year of my life was me taking a year off school because I was so fucking traumatized, having witnessed him die in front of me, and then had to go to court because the parents were trying to get the kids for manslaughter.
SPEAKER_01Wow. I'm 11 years old. 11 years of age.
SPEAKER_00So for me, what that meant was this all this fear or fight or flight or danger or worry about bullies, it's it's not pretend. It can result in someone fucking dying in my brain. So not only did I have to like figure out where my confidence would come from, but I also had to try and get rid of this idea that every single person around me was just going to drop dead because that it fucked me up so much. Um, and so for me, by the time I hit 16, 17, I was already boozing and taking drugs, you know.
SPEAKER_01No, you you it's not I'm not criticizing it or it's not uh uh but I can understand it. Yeah, it's not the way out, is it? So I'm not being ritual, no, but I can understand it. What went on later on in my life, I I took to booze, yeah. Yeah, I totally get where you're coming from. Yeah, people who aren't dealing with it, like they're going, what are you drinking for? Yeah, you have no idea what's going on in my head. Exactly.
SPEAKER_00Fighting demons that no one else can see, and it's like and so it took me, I mean, I I I still managed to to climb up a successful career while drinking, and then I still managed to get married, have two kids while drinking, and then the seven, eight years ago, my dad died, and it all came to a head, and I literally tried to drink myself to death. Really literally and I it I honestly I was probably I was probably like two days away from like that. What it was the darkest, darkest, darkest like take the darkest moment and then times that by infinity, and then add some more darkness.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I get only you can feel that.
SPEAKER_00And that had to be the first day of the rest of
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SPEAKER_00my life, and that was what I decided to do. And that that you know, to take a second chance. Got to got didn't couldn't save the marriage, but my ex-wife is is in my life, she's around the corner, you know. We co-parent our kids, my kids are 50-50 years, yeah. And she gets she understood my disease, you know. And and the last seven years has just been rebuilding my brain, really, because I never ever ever gave my chance my brain a chance to start dealing with the PTSD. All I did was just self-medicate for 30 years instead.
SPEAKER_01Probably PTSD from when you were 11. Yeah, 100%.
SPEAKER_00So, anyway, that's my relatable. That's why I'm so that's why this is so relatable to me, what you're talking about, you know.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it's I don't think P like I say, but Judy got it. Nobody else in my life did, you know. Um, but yeah, the PTSD is uh that's I I'm sorry
(Cont.) S6 EP24: Simon's Story - From Bullied To Black Belt!
SPEAKER_01you you had that 11. That's that's awful, isn't it? And only you carry that horrific. The the funny thing is, um it's not a funny story at all, but the guy I was telling you about this the skinhead.
SPEAKER_00Sorry, I've got just go back to the yeah, sorry, I bumped you off the uh the no no no no no it's fine.
SPEAKER_01Um yeah, I got I got I got good at martial arts, and it was the first thing I'd ever been good at. And it this is a big changing point in my life, right? This absolutely changed me. I had confidence. I mean, I didn't like it. Who you to do karate, who you to do this, who you to do that the other. And I fought and I fought all over the country and I loved it. And I put it in full contact, grappling, wrestling. So I gotta put him for my black belt. This moment changed my life, yeah. Six months for my black belt, and I always get always get emotional at this. There's a guy called Jeff Thompson, uh, he's a New York Times bestseller, um, he's a bachelor winner. Uh he wrote a book called Watch My Back. He's an expert on fear, he's a martial artist, yeah. Yeah, and I've said it a million times. If you're a music fan, he's your Bruce Springsteen. I love this man. I'd read every book he'd written, I'd listened to his YouTube, yeah. I adore him, right? Six months before my bat belt grading under Alfie Lewis, uh, a toxtuff man. I went to pieces and I was 10 years of age again. And I said to Julius, I said I can't do this. And I was confident, I'd fought, just had a huge panic attack. And I said, Your agrophobia's back. Yeah, and she went, You're kidding. She said, Simon said, You cannot work for your father forever. Yeah, it's gonna kill him. Wow, and I said, I can't you. I said, I can't do it. And I was crying, I was shaking, I was panicking. I said, You know what? Who am I to be a black belt? Who am I kind of kidding?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, sabotage, self-sabotage.
SPEAKER_01She said, That's your father, that that's not you. Yeah, and she said, Right, and we the house is quiet, and I didn't train for a week. Uh, and I was depressed and I was anxious. Sorry, I beg your pardon, I'll just go back. So she said, Read some books by that man that you read, Jeff Thompson. Sacrilege, right? How dare I strike me dead, right? I said, nonsense, he doesn't know what he's talking about. And she went, You do not mean that. I said, I mean that load of rubbish, right? 40 bucks out the window. Yeah, so Saturday morning we're sitting there and I'm fed up, and my life is gonna be in the factory, and I'm not gonna get me black belts. Yeah, and our phone goes, right? And I hit it's the obvious voicemail, it's an old answer phone, and a voice goes, Hello Simon, hello Julie, a man's voice, right? And Julie jumps out of bed, and I went, Well up, what's what's going on here? My wife getting out of bed on a Saturday morning until she'll bloke on the phone. So I hear her go, yeah, yeah, are you sure you don't mind? So she shouts me to her, sire, someone on talk to you. And I said, Who is it? It's Jeff Thompson.
SPEAKER_00Oh my god, I got goosebumps.
SPEAKER_01I went, What? And she said, Yeah, said you need to speak to him. I'm gonna I'm I'm welling up here. That's amazing. Every time, Luke, every time I tell this story, right? And I went, Is there someone mess messing about? And he went, Hello, mate. And he went, I've heard your story, and I went, How do you know about me? And he went, A little bird wrote a letter about you. Oh my god. And I looked at Julie and I started crying. Oh my god. Sorry, he said, Okay, so we're gonna get you through this. He said, You've had agrophobia, you've been beaten, and you know what? This is a man who was a hero, right? Of everybody, and he's on the phone talking to me, and we become really good friends, and he got me through black belts, right? Wow, and he said, This is gonna change your life, Simon. He said, It's not gonna be a black belt, and you're gonna do your tests and you're gonna go away, it's gonna change your life, yeah. Yeah, because you've had something, and nobody had ever believed me before, other than Julie. Yeah, so this man who was who was a Chuck Norris, yeah, paid for him to go to America to teach. That's how good Jeff. And this man is on the phone on a Saturday morning to me. But what's I'll phone you in a few days, see how you're getting on, right? Wow, and I thought, well, that's nice. I'll never AFM again, but what a nice thing to do. Thursday afternoon, my phone goes again. All right, si, it's Jeff. And I'm like, oh my god, I'm talking to Jeff Thompson. Oh my god. And he ended up meet yeah, he ended up my my mentor, my instructor, he ended up my uh spent.
SPEAKER_00So it's like it's like we don't believe like so. For me, still to this day, if someone says, Well done, well done, Luke, like that was great. Well, thank you. Like, we you did a really good job there. I'm like, I I'm like, wow, did I it's like I because of what we've been through as kids and had validation, like you you we have to make sure that we don't become these like constant, never-ending validation seekers, because that's not healthy either. But so I operate with like someone just met tech gives me a nod that they're appreciative of the thing I did at work, or well done for getting that client in, or you know, good job. I that's because I never had that, right? And so, like having this having Jeff Thompson give you the validation that up until that point Julie had given had get taken you this far, but you were having this crisis and that's You're like, well, hold on a second. I can do this, you know? But it's it's so funny how we just from our upbringings, because when we're kids, that's the most important part of our lives, right? You can also make sociopaths as parents with your children because if you build them up too much and you let them believe that they're invincible, and you let them believe that no one will ever touch them, and you let but let them believe that they have never-ending money. That's not that's not you'll have the complete opposite. You'll have you'll have a person that is not in the real world. There's a fine balance, but you and I are from a place of I don't deserve anything. Yeah, I actually don't deserve happiness, I don't deserve success. Yes, I just deserve what all those people have been telling me all that you are crap, and who are you to do this?
SPEAKER_01Who are you to do that? I get you know what you're just saying then about the kid who gets too much money and the kid who's sold your great, and you know, I I know someone, a friend of mine, his brother. I know someone who's like that. Yes, and he was a golden boy, right? And then now we're adults and stuff is uh hits him hard, he can't deal with it.
SPEAKER_00Of course, of course he can't. Me and Julie got it. He hasn't been told the reality, and that's why as a parent, like I'm a parent as well, you're a parent, right? It's tough being a parent because we learnt some bad lessons, some hard lessons, and I want the best for my kids. I want them to understand the reality of some of the hardships of life, but I also want to give them the tools to deal with them, yeah. That's the balance, it's all we can it's all we can do, right? One thing I never had when I was a kid growing up is the love and support of my father and the positive words of affirmation and validation from my father, and and an I love you from time to time. I tell my kids I love them five times a day, five times a day. And make sure they know it, and I make sure they know it, and I make sure they know how valued they are and how wonderful they are, even in times where they're driving me crazy.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah, yeah. Still your children, you still love them. My my um my eldest lives in Wrexham, she's a great girl, she's uh Welsh kickboxing champion, further down black belts. Um, middle kid Billy lives in London. Sorry, I mean middle kid, uh Cy lives in Brighton and Billy lives in London, so they're they're gone, right? Yeah, four or five times a day, every day we text, right? Love your dad, what are you doing today, dad? Yeah, I love it. Anything you need, dad. And yeah, and I never thought that from my dad. How good does that feel? You know, it's I think my sister said to me, Did you learn how to be a dad from our dad? And I went, What a nasty thing to say, and said, No, she said, You didn't hear it right. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, I get it.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah. And you did, you learned how to be the dad that you are from the mistakes that your dad made. It's the same with me, you know.
SPEAKER_01Only thing is when I say this again that I became of worth. Sorry, Jeff. Um, Jeff said to me after I got my black belt, he said, Can you can you are you any good at writing? I said it's the only good thing that was good at at school. So I said I was accepted to college, but my dad said, You're not going to college. You actually excuse my language, he said, You fake as big shit. He said, Get in the factory, and I couldn't go to learn to write, so I didn't write for many years. So Jeff said to me, Write an article to write me a little bit about how you felt about getting your black belt. Yeah, and it's a six-page article in a national magazine. Incredible. So Jeff went, You know you're a writer, and I get a bit braggy and I don't mean it, right? Yeah, I don't think you don't mean it. And I went, Well, no one's ever told me that. He said, 'You've got to write a book, Simon. You have to write a book.' So I wrote from Buddy to Black Belt and it's sold throughout the world, right? And it was on the BBC and it's on your show, right? Yeah, it's but we're looking for a film producer now. And and Jeff was the guy who put that in there. But once I got successful, my dad was like, He's my son, you know what I mean? Once I could fight, because my dad ripped off a lot of people.
SPEAKER_00That's ghastly behaviour, by the way. That's ghastly behavior.
SPEAKER_01Absolutely. But listen to this might sound a bit needy, and I and Julie goes, No, you're right. I became a fourth because I could fight. Yeah, I went on to become a an eighth down black belt, yeah. Wow. For full contact, and I got awards and blah blah blah, you know. So I fought all over the place, right? Cage fighting, boxing, kickboxing. Loved it and did all right at it, yeah. So my dad goes, Well, hold on, the other kid can kick a football, but if I get into any bother, I've got Simon. So I'd be in the factory, right? And people come looking for money, heavy, heavy people, and he'd be out the back door and he'd go, Simon, come down here in a minute. Oh my god. You know what, Luke? It's my dad. So I'd go. Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00You know, that's wild, isn't it? And he he didn't do the same for you.
SPEAKER_01He didn't do the same for me. It a big turning point when everything went downhill again, right? How on earth Julie stood by it all. Yeah, you can't see me, right, my dad. And he went, Do you reckon you get half a million pounds together? And I went, What? And he said, Uh I'm he said, I'm gonna lose the house and I need someone to buy the factory. Oh my god. So I bought it, Luke. Oh, you did, yeah, and we lost a lot, right? We lost a lot, which he went, don't worry about it. Yeah, um, I got the first I knew you could sail close to the wind, right? But it's mine now, the factory's mine. I thought I'm gonna make this a straight factory, yeah, gonna do all right, yeah. Yeah, we're gonna make it good.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01For maybe a month and a phone call, right? It's a lad from Liverpool, and he goes, You got that money your dad owes us, and Luke knew nothing about it. And I said, What money? And he went, you went up like a bottle of pot, right? Yeah, you're robbing this, you're robbing out being able to see you and start with guns, and we had owed him 10,000 pounds, right? And he didn't tell me. And they came to me for the money. So I said, Listen, I said, the guy next to me with the gun in his pocket, he can shoot me. And you know what, Luke? I probably didn't say it as brave as I'm saying it now.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01But you won't get your money, yeah. And the main lad was going all over the place, and his brother said, Just shut up for a minute. He said, What are you saying, Simon? You're gonna pay us, yeah. I said, Yeah, yeah. This is when the booters came in, then, right? Yeah, they said, No, you could have scolded you, yeah. And they respected me and they said, You want to be in with us? And I said, No, no, I don't. I like you. Yeah, and you can buy stuff off me, it's bouncy castles. I said, I don't want to get involved in your world, okay? I can do what I can do. So then they came out to see me and this and the other. A month later, the guy phones me up. He went, Does your dad owe 60,000 pounds to some people in Northern Ireland? And I went, No. And this isn't a a known guy, right? And I said, Oh my god. He said, Listen, he said, the part of the clan. I said, What clan? He said, Don't make me say it over the phone. I said, the IRA. Oh my god. He said the IRA, Simon. So I get a phone call. And we knew a few people in security by now because we're because of connections we've made in the fighting world. Yeah. And this guy says to me, right, lad, he said, an Irish voice, very amiable. And you know what, Luke? The thing is, my dad had taken the 60,000 pounds from the IRA and not paid it back.
SPEAKER_00Right? I'm laughing out of nervousness, by the way. That's crazy.
SPEAKER_01But he went and hid every time, right? Don't tell them where I live because of your mum. I said, What about my wife, dad? What about my children? Yeah, so they put me on alert, right? They said to me, Okay, we don't like to do this, but this is the school your children go to. Oh my god. This is the car your wife drives. Oh my god, this is your silver BMW. So I said, if I don't pay it, what happens hypothetically? They said, We put you in a van, we take you back to Dublin, we chop you up and we record you, and we send it to your family. So we put you in the hills in Dublin, you never heard of again. Wow. So we got the money together because I still maintain it was disgusting to um uh to involve children, but they wrote the money. Yeah, and then my dad was up to his old tricks, and then the booze hit and what have you, and and I seemed to go downhill again. Um and then I went through. I decided enough was enough with the drink. Yeah, and Jimmy said to me, Look, Simon, you were fighting years ago. Jeff Thompson said, What's the matter? Yeah, so I withdrew and my withdrawal was just horrific. Horrendous. I saw you done it, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, not detox and um I did outpatient um uh rehab as well, but the detoxing from the amount I was drinking was horrific. Like I thought it was like I I can only imagine that's what cold turkey from heroin would be like. I have never felt anything like it in all of my life. I kind of I wouldn't get Lally, I I think you do. I mean, I still was still having like shake symptoms, like spaz outs like six months later. But what and at about a week or two into it, I felt like there was the best way to describe it was I felt like there was thousands and thousands of spiders crawling around inside my veins. Really? Yeah, all over my body. Didn't hallucinate, but thought I was gonna throw myself out of the window because of how fucking horrific I felt.
SPEAKER_01Well, we went to see the doctor. I said to Julie, this is the one time she was cross at me. She said, You can't keep doing this. I was never violent towards, it's not my nature. But I'd get angry in the night, PTSD, and it was booze, and excuse it's booze, right? So I said, I'm gonna stop. I said, Look at you, three, look at the three children, look at you, you're golden. What am I doing? Um and she said, I know you've had a bad time with your dad, I know that you've got this and the other, and I know it's a lifelong thing, we have to address it. So I went to the doctor's, right, Luke, and he said, Don't stop overnight. But I'm going, no, I've got to stop, right? So I stopped overnight. So the following day I'm lying on my bed trying to get some sleep, and next door there's children on a roundabout playing banjos waving at me on the roof. And so I entered the gates of hell, right? I entered the gates of hell. I said, Jew, come and have a look at this. And she went, Love, she said, There's nothing there. Oh my gosh. I street nightly's fun fair. You see all the trucks, and we went to the street, and there was nothing there. Um and the next thing, uh, my Auntie Mary was there, and she was talking to me, but she was a lamp.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, this all sounds very sounds about right. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01And then all of a sudden there's seven policemen. Yeah, and I thought, I'm seeing this, and they said, You're not. Oh, they took me to the hospital, and I saw the elephant man, and I saw people, Walton jail gonna cut my throat. I saw Peter Pan, and I was uh it was five or six days of hell. That is a detox right there. So I came out, um who today, and my bedside, and my dad, and I went, You're here out of guilt. You put me here, and you know you did. Wow. So that was in the March, and I got out hospital, and I got the kids together, and I got Julie together. I said, I'm not drinking again and I'm gonna get myself fit. And that was in the I trained then seven days a week, and on in the uh March, in the August of that year, I did a full contact fight for my fourth black belt, fair fourth down black belts. Incredible.
SPEAKER_00What year was that? How long ago was this?
SPEAKER_01That would have been uh what was I Billy was free? That would have been 18 years ago.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, incredible. It's tough, isn't it? Well done for getting yourself out of that hole because that can that that could have killed you, the drinking. It couldn't kill me. Sounds like the amount you were drinking could have very easily just dropped dead, you know. And it's funny, isn't it? Because we know we're doing damage to the family, and we know doing damage to to our kids as well. Yeah, but when you're in turmoil and mental like trauma, yeah, there's no there's no, you don't, it doesn't seem like there's a way out. No, it's any escape.
SPEAKER_01What would happen is every single day I would write I would wake up in the morning and there'd be a letter from your father, sometimes two or three days a day, two or three letters a day delivered by taxi, and he would say things like, 'I'm gonna make sure you get raped in jail.' Great, and you go, This is my dad. I've arranged for someone to run you over, I'm gonna get your dogs killed. Um so when I stopped the booze, and um my daughter is we're really close. Yeah, she tried, she still teaches with me every week and what have you. And then my dad came to see me on Billy's third birthday, our youngest kid, and he was bumping his gums off and this and and you know what, Luke, I was tired of it. And I said, Get out of my house. He said, What do you mean, get out of my house? I said, I don't want anything to do with you anymore. I said, You are so poisonous. And I didn't kick him out of my house, I asked him to leave my house, and I never saw him again. And he died three years ago, I hadn't seen him for 18 years, and I found out on social media to this day. Nobody's ever told me how he died, when he died, and you know, and I don't care. Yeah, you know, I don't care.
SPEAKER_00No, and it's not you don't need to either. No, you have no obligation to care.
SPEAKER_01No, I don't that's a nice yeah, nobody's ever said that. I have no obligation. Thank you for that. Thank you for that. Yeah, and this crazy girl who was 15 when I first met her, went through all that, all of that, never wants judge me.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, she sounds like an amazing person. She's a lovely person, she really is. Just before we wrap up, we've got five minutes or so. Let's talk about your book. I want to hear about your book because that is amazing. And what where did writing take you beyond that? And what's the plan? Are you making are you right? Are you writing more? And where are you all?
SPEAKER_01Yeah. The first book from Buddy to Black Belt was quite raw, you know. I hadn't written for a few years. Um, and then after the what we still got then the the drinking, yeah, uh everyday warrior, and that was a bit more polished. Uh, and then we I write I ghostwrite for people now, but we also we wrote a script and we're talking to film people. We're actually looking for a film producer to take a look at our script and our pitch. Um, the film agency for Wales, and again, it's just a bit cringy, but they called it the UK's Rocky Bellboa story.
SPEAKER_00I was thinking more of the karate kid, though, right?
SPEAKER_01Because it's like no, you know what, Luke, it isn't. I I wish I'd called it.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, no, go on.
SPEAKER_01I wish I'dn't have called it from bully to black belts because people go, oh, it's karate. It's not, it's a love story. Yeah, it's Junior and I, uh as we went through. Karate was my vehicle through it all. Makes sense.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, there's a the the only similarity for me was obviously like the whole but the basis of the karate kid movie was a but a kid who was bullied and then eventually found what's his chops who taught him and then he got his revenge on everybody, right? That's terrorists there, but let me say if you're if you did a uh a movie based around that, it'd be like the the kind of the the UK like gangland gritty version of that, you know, it would be fucking great.
SPEAKER_01That's crazy you say that. We went to the film agency for Wales, they're no longer in existence. And the guy phoned me up and we had a script and it was two and a half hours long, and he said, It's too long. He actually said it's good fellas meets Rocky, yeah.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, there you go.
SPEAKER_01And he said, If you can cut it down to 90 minutes, you're in for chance. Yeah, so I crossed it down to 90 minutes, and uh that's where we are now, you know. We're at where we're looking for someone to take it. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, two uh goodfellas meets Rocky, yeah. And you know what? I thought me and Judy said, Yeah, we'll take that, that's all right, you know, yeah. But um, yeah, so it's been a journey. Um, it's we've met some great people, yeah. You've met some horrible people as you do in life. Yeah, I try not to focus on the horrible people. I don't want everyone to pat me on the back all the while because you have to have people to tell you you're real. Yeah. When people read my book and they say it's great, I'll take that. And if they say it's a you know, I'll listen to the criticism. Yeah, but uh um it's writing it was a was a real adventure, you know. Yeah, I can imagine. You know, it was um people said to me, it's very cathartic. I don't know if I'm deep enough for that because I didn't really find it cathartic. Yeah, I thought it was a good laugh to write.
SPEAKER_00That's what I was gonna say, or we've had many guests on the podcast who have been through trauma and written a book about it, and they use they're like writing it took me five years because every time I wrote a new paragraph, I I cried, and or I had to put the book away for two months to get over it. And that that's how I would be, by the way. I don't I'm scared to like put pen to paper because like you know, opening the door to trauma is really hard. But I love that everyone's different, right? I love you, like a great time writing all this.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, because I love to write, you know, um my my children and my dogs and my kids and my my wife. My two passions are writing and fighting, yeah. You know, and so if I'm fighting, I don't mean stupid fighting idiots out there, I mean in the gym, yeah. Yeah, I love it, I can't get enough of it. And if I'm writing, I can write till two, three, four in the morning and not get bored. And you look at it the next day and you think that's rubbish, right? But I enjoyed writing it. Yeah, and sometimes you look at it and you go, That's a little nugget, that could be another article or a book, or yeah. So I understand when people go to Gefartic and they go, you know, touching the Edmund Hillaries and all that. Yeah, but for me, it's just you know, um, it's and I've I'm also extremely lucky where I don't mean house, I don't do anything with the run of the house. I don't I don't know how to pill up, pay a bill, I don't know, because Julie goes, get there and do what you need to do. I've got the rest, right? And you think that's so I'm so lucky to have that. Yeah, yeah. You know, when to car tax you no idea. So she'd ask me get on for a love to do. So that clears my head, so I've got a clear head to write.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I mean, yeah, that's amazing. That's lucky.
SPEAKER_01I'm very lucky, very lucky. Yeah, yeah. It causes resentment with certain people, but you know, fuck them.
SPEAKER_00Fuck them. You've been through enough, you've been through enough, Simon, to deal with other people's resentments. What a great, what a great episode. What this has been fabulous. I've enjoyed every second. I mean, you just I just love this. I love doing these these interviews because it's like I just I never know what's next. You know, I I I this has been one of my favorite ones, but but mainly because of like we're from like two opposite sides of UK, right?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00But there it's so much similarity. Yeah, our traumas are are from the same things, yeah. Our traumas and what have moulded us and affected our journey are from the same things, yeah. So it's like I am just extraordinary, you know.
SPEAKER_01You carry it, don't you? Yeah, you carry it, and if you've got your and and people don't see it, you know. But if you're lucky, you get someone to help you burden it. But yeah, you know, there's a story in everyone, I think.
SPEAKER_00Well, also, you know, we're lucky, we're the lucky ones. Like we went through it all, so we have the took this the story to tell, but we were lucky enough to start to understand it and get a grasp on it and find a way out. But a lot of people don't.
SPEAKER_01A lot of people don't. You know that the skinner, the bully at the very beginning, I score him when I was a second-hand fighter many years later, yeah. And I delivered some stuff to his house, and he came to the door, and I was alright, I'd done the door, I'd done this, that, and the other. Yeah, and he opened the door and I was 15 years of age again. I went, Oh shit. Right? But listen to this, right? He said, Simon, he said, I know what I did to you when we were children. He said, I am sorry. He said, I am ashamed of myself. He said I was on heroin, I was this, that, and the other. I said, Do you know what? He said, Will you shake my hand? So I shook his hand and I said, We're good, Jimmy. Don't worry about it. Yeah, and we sat there having a cup of tea, and he went, I've got a job, I've got my children. Two weeks later, he killed himself. Oh no, I don't know if that's you know, I'm not claiming anyway.
SPEAKER_00He needed to get some closure, maybe, you know. Well, he probably did that to. I mean, we don't know. It probably was he probably hurt a lot of people and he couldn't deal with the pain of that, you know. It's tough.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, but you know, it's it's it's it's a terrible thing. You was he was he was a working kid and he'd got off the heroin and he's got off the and but yeah, he tortured a lot of people, yeah. You know, yeah. So it's he didn't deserve that, I don't believe. So we carry these traumas, don't we? Yeah, we do.
SPEAKER_00You know, Simon, where do we are you on social media? Where can we find the book? Um, I um I will what I'll do is I'll make sure that the links are on the show notes. So if you're listening to this episode, um click on the show notes and we'll have any links where we can find Simon's goodies. But where where is the main places to find you? The main place is www.simonmorel.com.
SPEAKER_01S-I-M-O-N-M-O-R-R-E-L-L. I can spell my own name. That's pretty damn good.
SPEAKER_00You've come a long way, Simon. I've come a long way. I can spell my own name.
SPEAKER_01Wow, it's SimonMorrell.com.
SPEAKER_00We're on Instagram, we're on uh Facebook, we're on and we see I'm assuming your a lot of your fights have been recorded. Like, is there places where we can watch you in action?
SPEAKER_01No, it was kind of before you back in the day. Yeah, back in the day, yeah. You know, so uh you know, you have to take my word for it though. Well, everyone of them in first round, yeah, exactly. That's funny. I didn't I've got as many as I've lost.
SPEAKER_00I was um a good really good skateboarder when I was I know everyone says that, right? But I was like I was really good, and I was like I was in magazines and we had sponsorship from like a local shop, and you know, I was good uh uh for skateboarded for like 15-20 years, but for the same people are like, Oh, it's like where's the links? Like, were you on YouTube? I'm like, There's no, there's no fucking YouTube. Yeah, I've got one photograph, I've got one photograph of me in Rad's magazine, like with my name underneath, doing this like kit flip. That's the only proof I have that I was ever once really good at skateboarding.
SPEAKER_01People go like you're liar. Someone got in touch with me, uh you know, five, six, seven years ago, and he went, You never did the door. I said, I didn't do the door, I didn't say I did the door. I did do the door, I didn't do it prolifically, was what I meant. Yeah, yeah. You didn't open fights. I said, don't fights, you can't prove it, so I don't need to prove it. Yeah, and I said, I said, Who are you anyway? Yeah, who cares? Who are you? Who cares, right? Go and ask Jeff Thompson, go and ask Alfie, yeah. I did the door a little bit, but I didn't make it my thing. My thing was fighting in the arenas. Yeah, no, you never did. Fuck off, mate.
SPEAKER_00What? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Resentments. Resentment, we can kill you. It's been an episode about other people's resentments. Now, um, Simon, thank you so much. This has been a absolutely wonderful, wonderful conversation, and um everyone else. Thank you again. Welcome, everyone. Yeah, thanks, mate. Take care, Simon.