Diva Almighty

Welcome to the Diva Almighty. This podcast is about anything that is trending on social media. From politics to pop culture - I’m giving my two cents! I'm bringing my drunk stupid friends who think they know everything with me on this journey and we are going to break down the hottest, controversial topics with humor and intoxication. We are not not only here to entertain but to inform...ok that’s a lie. Thanks for listening!

All Episodes

Diva Almighty

Traveling Rehab

June 28, 2026 • SKalina@gmail.com • Season 2 • Episode 1

0:00 | 22:20

DIVA ALMIGHTY is BACK with a new season and this season is already going to be better than ever!!! In this premiere episode Ali and I recap our break but discuss the do’s, don’t’s and bitches of traveling!

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hi, and welcome back to another episode of D.Va Almighty. I am your host, of course, Steve D.Va Kalina, and we're back for season two. I'm joined as always by my bestie, my sister, Allie. Crackdick.

SPEAKER_01 0:14

Hey everyone.

SPEAKER_00 0:16

Okay, so let me explain to you guys for a reason why we've been missing in action. Well, first of all, we took I I I like to call it spring break. Oh, I like that. Well, in your case, Rum Springer.

SPEAKER_01 0:27

Rum Springer.

SPEAKER_00 0:28

Yeah, in your case, Rum Springer. But uh anyway, Allie has been doing a remodel in her house, which has been exhausting but highly entertaining for me because her brothers are so fucking hot.

SPEAKER_01 0:42

Oh man. Your reaction. Okay, Allie. Don't say that. No, I'm talking about you, you dick. Your reaction when Gunther came in and just ripped that railing off, you were listening.

SPEAKER_00 0:54

If you would have seen her brother rip that railing off, children. Yeah. If we did a visual, guys, seriously. Seriously. But I on me on the other hand, I've been traveling.

SPEAKER_03 1:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:06

A lot. Yeah, you have. Uh I went to Florida with cheerleaders.

SPEAKER_01 1:14

Yeah, that you did. You did that. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 1:19

But I'll tell you what, guys, seriously. It Ellie, I'm not joking you. It was the time of my life. Was it? It seriously was. Yeah. Yeah. I saw the pictures. It looked, it looked like lots of things. Well, I had I had two goddaughters that are involved in this competitive cheer. Okay. And I'm gonna I'm here to tell you guys that competitive cheer, you don't fuck around.

SPEAKER_01 1:40

Yeah. Yeah. It's cutthroat. Oh my god. Have you ever seen have you ever seen Bring It On? No. Yeah. Oh. Oh, we're having movie night. I have brought it on. You always bring it on.

SPEAKER_00 1:52

I have brought it on. But they the the the kids have a blast. Yeah. Kids have a blast. Oh, I bet. But the parents, the parents are wow. They are wild. They're feral. Yeah. They're feral. And I'll tell you what, what I spent, we we stayed in a resort, okay, guys, down in uh Orlando. And it was part of Disney. It was a windham. You know, so we were not slumming it. And I spent a lot of time in a lazy river. Nice. Drinking buckets of tequila. Nice. Yeah. But um anyway, my two goddaughters were down there. And uh they were competing, they were on the same team. What I found so fascinating was the dads. Well, I'm sure. Allie, I was on dab patrol. Yeah. I was on dab. From the minute I woke up and I went on the balcony to smoke a sig, I said to Kimmy, there's a dad. There's a sh and Kimmy said, I'm not looking at one more married man. I'm not looking at one more married man with you. I'm not doing it. Yeah. So then after that, Carol came home. And if you got Carol's been on the podcast before, she was um back when Linda and I were still doing the podcast. But then she came home and then I left again to go see her in Charlotte. Yeah. So it was the total opposite, Allie, when I went down to Charlotte uh then the cheerleaders, because then I was with a bunch of 55-year-old plus whores.

SPEAKER_02 3:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:26

Basically drunken. What else are you gonna do after 55 though?

SPEAKER_00 3:31

I mean, I'm caught I'm caught in between the cheerleaders and you know, I'm like in a soft spot.

SPEAKER_01 3:37

Uh-huh. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's hard to tell which which would be a better time. I you know, I I can't I can't tell you. Yeah. I could I couldn't be kind of funny to see all those parents. That's like Sophie's truth. All those parents letting loose for the first time, you know they never do.

SPEAKER_00 3:53

Now, granted, there were no dads down in Charlotte. Right. Because no one had a prostate down there.

SPEAKER_02 3:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:59

You know. Yeah. So I I have to tell you, Ali, I I have to talk about this with traveling. It's a nightmare. It is a fucking nightmare. Yeah. It's a it so first of all, I I want to tell all you people who travel, if you are bringing strollers, if you are carrying a baby on you, first of all, if you if you have to strap a baby to your chest, stay at home. Yeah. Yeah. First of all, stay at home. Yeah. Yeah. I feel so bad for these dads because, you know, I want to sleep with them. And and they're carrying a stroller. They're carrying a stroller with uh golf clubs and a big and a baby.

SPEAKER_01 4:45

You can just see in their face, too. They're they're dead inside. Oh, I know.

SPEAKER_00 4:48

They're like pack mules.

SPEAKER_01 4:49

You can find like the hottest dad ever, and he he's just dead. He has lost every yeah. He's lost everything.

SPEAKER_00 4:55

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Poor guy. Yeah. But there should be a, first of all, there should be a law where if you are traveling and you because I travel very easy, you know. If you're trying, do not, do not get up and start pulling your stroller at your golf cart and all your shit out of that overhead compartment before I ha I have a shoulder bag. Yeah. I have a shoulder bag.

SPEAKER_01 5:28

An earbuds. Yeah. I think airlines need to start doing that, like prioritizing getting off the plane. Yeah. If you have crap like that, you need to sit and wait. Correct. Or, you know, get the kid off the plane first, because no one wants to deal with that anyway. Like nobody, nobody wants that on there.

SPEAKER_02 5:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:47

And then you wait till everybody just gets their one bag and gets the fuck off a plane. Yeah. Because how often does a plane land and you sit there, everyone just stands up at once, and then you've got, you know, your Karen's getting out their like special strollers and their this and they're that. And then they're gentle parenting their kid as they're screaming and slapping other people in the plane. I mean, it's just enough. Like in fact, they should have special flights where you can choose, okay, there's children on this flight. Do I want to take this flight? Or is there an adult-only flight? Yeah. Like a 13-plus flight flight. Yeah. They should have that. Yeah. Like a r like a resort. Yeah. That's how people get sick on planes, too, is all these kids just coughing and sneezing and touching things. That's so true. That is so true. Sitting with a bunch of patient zeros. Oh. God. Or you know what? Let off like that blow-up slide and just throw all the kids and parents down that. Just get out. Let the rest of us get off normal. Oh, yeah. You know? Just get out.

SPEAKER_00 6:52

Let's get off. You know. Yeah. We need a cigarette. Like we're tired. But I um I remember one my mom and I were traveling to Palm Springs. We were traveling back, and we were we had a layover in I am I gonna say this right, Dulles? Dulles, Fort Worth Airport. Yes. Dulles. Dulles. You're dullest. Dulles. Your dulles. So we were, and there was this older, and we were rushing to meet our uh connecting flight. And we have no idea this airport, you know, and I'm like, I am not spending one more minute on a flight with my mother. You know, like I please get me the fuck and this this what's that what do they call that? The gang plank? Like when you're getting off, you know, that that tunnel thing. You know, and this old lady just eats total shit, right? She eats total shit. And my mom goes to pick her up. I said, drop her. I said, drop her right now. I said, we are not gonna miss this flight. We're not gonna miss it. So my mom like gently just puts us all back down on the floor. Sorry, ma'am, like we have we gotta go. Yeah, sorry. Love to help you. Someone someone will help you. I would love to help you. Someone will help you. Yeah, but anyway, so Allie, while I was when I was leaving Charlotte uh to come back to Pittsburgh after seeing Carol, and now keep in mind this is like probably a four-day hangover that I'm battling. Um I have never flown alone. Have you? Oh yeah. Really? Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, I guess you have. Oh yeah. Yeah. I love it. To go turn all your tricks. I don't I don't listen, I don't mind flying. I don't mind flying. I and I and I I certainly don't mind flying alone. But uh Kimmy w Kim. Kimmy. Kimmy. She was my concierge, right? So she had booked everything for me. Okay. So she would just send me like the QR code, right? So I could uh get through TSA, and and that was my boarding pass. And I left Pittsburgh fine. So when I was leaving Charlotte, um I I specifically left Carol's house early, so I uh because I didn't know the airport. You know what I mean? So I I didn't want to fuck anything up. So I thought, oh I'll go early and I'll I'll stop at the bar or whatever. So I was at my gate and I'm waiting, and only ten people show up. I'm thinking, boy, I can't believe they didn't cancel this flight. And I'm like waiting for more people to come, and there's just like, you know, ten boofers sitting there, like, and the flight no one's calling, like boarding. No, I missed the flight because they changed the gate. Oh. That's almost happened to me a couple times. I never thought about that. Yeah. Now, someone who doesn't fly on their own or who is not a seasoned flyer, yeah. How would you like my my boarding path said, right, gate A3. Yeah. And there I was. So I call Carol, and of course, Carol now has a burr up her ass because she just dropped me off. And so she says, go to the nearest American Airlines gate and go to the kiosk and tell them you need to find the next flight, which was like 45 minutes, right? So I find it, and there's only one, and it's going to Montreal. Oh. And it is full of um Asian people. You know, probably going to, you know, strip malls and what, you know. Yeah. Whatever. Well, they have to check everything but a sperm sample. And so I called Carol. I said, Carol, listen, honey. I I'm gonna miss this flight too. So she had to she had to come get me. And you know what? We we after an hour and a half on hold with American Airlines, I did, God bless them, get me on the next flight the next morning.

SPEAKER_01 11:10

That's good.

SPEAKER_00 11:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:11

Yeah. I uh one time I went out to Las Vegas to visit my uncle. My return flight, for some reason I had a layover in Philadelphia, and then from Philadelphia back to Pittsburgh. Right? That's it. Yeah, you flew over my destination, whatever. So I get to the Philadelphia airport, which is the most disgusting dump you'll ever see. I mean, it is fucking gross. What's that airport called? I don't know. Philadelphia. Dumpster. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I get off and I only had like, because that flight ran late, I had like 10 minutes to get to my next gate. And I landed at the exact opposite side of where I had to be. So I haul ass, you know, after all these waiting for all these assholes getting their strollers and shit off the plane. All the way to the other end of the fucking airport. And then there's a sign there, gate changed to Pittsburgh. Go to this other gate, which is all the way back on the other side. I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? At that point, I had a minute and a half to get there before that took off to I'm like, I'm just gonna rent a car and drive. Like, I I can't, I'm not, I'm not doing this. I did make it, thankfully. But I would say, like, my worst flying experience was one time my mom and I went to New York. Okay. So she was a bad flyer. She had awful anxiety. And it's like, suck it up. It's a 50-minute flight, right? Like, shut your face. It's not that bad. Okay, so we're leaving New York, okay, and this just happens to be when the liquid bomber was active, okay? So we get on the plane. I she already took half a Xanax, okay? And I'm like, mom, I really think you need that other half because I'm not sitting next to you during this bullshit, right? So we get on the plane, and then the plane's not taking off. We're not, we're not moving, nothing. Like, what's going on? And I'm like, here, mom, take this other half. Just, you know, quiet. And I start hearing whispers about the liquid bomber. They just arrested him at JFK. We're at JFK Airport. Oh. Get on the fucking plane and they arrest this asshole, right? And I'm like, how am I gonna hide this from my mother? Because she's gonna have a panic attack, cause a scene, she's gonna get arrested. Like it's it's gonna be a whole fucking thing, right? I'm like, oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 13:33

And I just have to know Ellie's mother because it wouldn't matter how bad how much she was snowed out. Right, it wouldn't matter how much she was.

SPEAKER_01 13:40

I'm trying to intoxicate her as much as I could so she would just pass out. Because we're just sitting on the tarmac because she's starting to get antsy, like, why are we moving? What's going on? I'm like, I don't know, Mom. And I'm like asking the stewardess, like, can you start serving drinks yet? Can we, you know? And it was just, it was bad. Oh it was bad. Yeah. Sat there for four hours before they got off the plane. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:00

To get on another one. But there there is, don't you, don't you believe there is like such a certain etiquette that you should use. You know what I mean? Yeah. When you when you fly. Yeah. And and people that um even it when you're in a row, right? Uh a row of three, if you were to sit by the window, just switch. Yeah. And if you're if you're large and in charge, get two.

SPEAKER_01 14:31

Yeah. Get two. Yeah, just buy yourself two seats.

SPEAKER_00 14:33

Get two seats.

SPEAKER_01 14:34

I don't I don't want to feel you. Like, I don't want you touching my arm.

SPEAKER_00 14:38

Feel you.

SPEAKER_01 14:38

Yeah. It's already weird being crammed in with strangers like that.

SPEAKER_00 14:42

Yeah, yeah. And these people are like, oh, we're on the mile high club, you know, and they go have sex in a bathroom at and you know, in the get the aisle seat.

SPEAKER_01 14:51

Then get the aisle seat. Get the aisle seat. Both of you get the aisle seats. Yeah. And furthermore, you're a liar. Yeah. There's no room to have sex in those. I was like, sex, you're high. I mean they're not. Like, there's not even enough room to take a shit in those bathrooms. Okay? On a plane, let alone fool around. Who wants to do that? You're already agitated from traveling and full life. Grow up.

SPEAKER_00 15:12

Yeah. Grow up.

SPEAKER_01 15:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:14

Yeah. But Allie and I have a friend, Kimmy, and she has at the ripe age of 50, Kim. Camerlay.

SPEAKER_01 15:23

Does she want you advertising that?

SPEAKER_00 15:25

No, I I probably not the ripe age of 50, but she started working for, you know, she started becoming a flight attendant. She became a flight attendant. And I'm really proud of her. Yeah. You know. And I'll tell you what, that's a grueling life. Oh, I bet.

SPEAKER_01 15:40

Yeah. Yeah. Even if you like to travel, that's still going to be a lot. And exhausting, I'm sure. Yeah. Now that's she's got the personality for it, though. She's perfect.

SPEAKER_00 15:49

Yeah, she does. Yeah. She does. And I had a friend that, and this was like she she's retired, long retired now, but she was I don't know why I thought you were gonna say retarded. Retired.

SPEAKER_01 16:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:01

I don't know why. In my mind, I thought you were gonna say retarded. I don't know. But she um this is back in the day when you had to be uh, you know, like six-foot model, you know, you had to present, and actually, you know, Kimmy's beautiful. Yeah, she was and she was actually turned down by a couple airlines really too, but yeah, because she was too short. Oh. Uh-huh. Because she was too she couldn't reach the overhead.

SPEAKER_01 16:25

Oh, yeah, that could be.

SPEAKER_00 16:27

She couldn't get your stroller and your fucking golf clubs out, you know. Um but uh this friend of mine flew celebrities.

SPEAKER_02 16:37

Oh.

SPEAKER_00 16:37

Yeah. And she flew Elton John, and he had just married his partner. What's his name? I wouldn't know.

SPEAKER_02 16:46

No idea.

SPEAKER_00 16:47

Why would I know? I don't know. But anyway, she flew and he she said that Elton John was the biggest dick.

SPEAKER_02 16:58

Oh, really?

SPEAKER_00 16:59

Yeah. Uh-huh. She said the partner was great, but Elton John was the biggest dick you ever wanted to do. I don't know. I feel like she flew Bon Jovi. Yeah. That was like towards the end of her career, and then when 9-11 happened, you know, she Thanks, Bin Laden. Thanks a lot, Bin Laden. You ruined it. Ruined everything.

SPEAKER_01 17:21

Can't take my fucking water bottle on a plane. I know. Thanks.

SPEAKER_00 17:24

Fly Elton John anymore. Um, but she uh yeah, then she quit. But that's that's how she ended her career was flying celebrities. That's cool. Yeah. On, I guess what you want to call semi-private.

SPEAKER_01 17:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:40

I think if I was a celebrity, I'd probably be a dick too.

SPEAKER_00 17:43

Well, you're a dick now.

SPEAKER_01 17:45

Right.

SPEAKER_00 17:45

So you just give me money and power and it's just gonna get worse. You're like D-list and Butler at best.

SPEAKER_01 17:50

So I can't be B-list like you.

SPEAKER_00 18:01

But do you know any of your friends who take their kids to Disney at a very young age.

SPEAKER_01 18:11

Yeah, where they're not gonna remember anything. Where they're not gonna remember anything.

SPEAKER_00 18:14

And you're just wasting money? When I flew out of Orlando, you know, from the cheer competition. Now those girls are you're we're talking nine, ten years old. They're gonna remember it. And they they loved it. You know, they did the whole princess thing, whatever. Um, but as I was fly, which Orlando Airport, may heaven help you. Yeah. May God help you if you have to fly out of there. Please, God. Plan ahead. Plan ahead if you have to fly out of Orlando. Don't but these people are bringing premies. Mm-hmm. Premies. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:53

I mean, and like if you if you still have the fucking umbilical cord attached to you, you're not gonna remember unless they have an older sibling that you're taking and and there's no choice but to take the other one. Right. I'd say under five is pointless. They're not gonna remember it or appreciate it. Right. You know, and then like I said, you just spend all that money for nothing because Disney is expensive.

SPEAKER_00 19:12

Disney is extremely expensive. Ridiculous. Yeah. And I'm here to tell you people you want to take your little premi to Disney, you're still paying for that preemie. They don't give a shit. No. Yeah, and you have to pay to fly them. Yeah. You maybe you can tuck them under your seat. Maybe. It might be frowned upon. Well, you know, Carol flies with her dog. Yeah. Often. She's got to pay for a seat for that dog. Yeah. The last thing she's like. It's ridiculous because it's a little dog. It's a yeah, your, yeah, I mean, you're in York, yeah. She paid, and he goes in a carrier. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 19:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:46

She paid $286.

SPEAKER_01 19:49

That's insane. I'm not sure. If I'm paying for my dog to fly, then he's sitting in that seat that I bought for him. Yeah. He's going to sit there and you're going to treat him like royalty. Yeah. Yeah. You're going to offer him drinks. Exactly. And peanuts.

SPEAKER_00 19:59

Yeah. And if he barks, it's better than hearing your crying child. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:02

I'd rather hear a barking dog.

SPEAKER_00 20:04

Yeah. Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah. $286 to put a dog. And if you didn't buy him a seat, then he would have to go like an store.

SPEAKER_01 20:15

What do they call it? That's so dangerous. What are they called? Where the luggage goes. Yeah. Yeah. That's just dangerous. I would never do that.

SPEAKER_00 20:25

Well, you know, I had when when I got Lily, God rest her soul. When I got Lily, she flew in. And they put her in a cargo. Cargo, that's cargo. Yeah. They put her in cargo. And that's a totally different airport. That's like down. Yeah, that's that's not. Because I went to Pittsburgh Airport. I'm thinking she's gonna come around the carriage. You know, like I'm thinking this dog's just gonna come around.

SPEAKER_01 20:53

She's just gonna come down the belt and go in a circle.

SPEAKER_00 20:56

Yeah. Uh-huh. And they're like, uh, no, you gotta go down the road, you know, down 79. And she flew in with an alligator for Pittsburgh Airport. Oh my god. And yeah, for uh Pittsburgh Zoo. And this alligator was totally sedated, and it had a thing around its mouth. You know, like a ball gag or whatever. No, or like a duct tape, I don't know. Not a ball gag. Not a ball duck. Yeah, sorry, that's yeah, that's that's for a different podcast. That's next episode. But here's my little lily, you know. I was like, give me that fucking dog. Give me that dog. Yeah. Yeah. But anyway, let's alone. So that's that's our podcast on travel.

SPEAKER_01 21:37

Yeah. If there's any airlines listening, please offer adult-only flights. Please start doing that. You could even charge a premium to make money off of us. I would pay it. Yeah. Uh and we're not saying that Allie and I qualify for adult for adult. They might still only let us sit with the screaming children because because Steve himself is a screaming child.

SPEAKER_00 21:57

Yeah, or they might just put us in cargo.

SPEAKER_01 21:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:00

But anyway, that's why we've been missing, because we've been busy, we've been traveling and uh remodeling and whatever. But we're back for season two of the reboot of Diva Almighty Ally. I love you. I love you more. And thank you guys for tuning in. We love you guys. Bye.