Unattainable Podcast Show
Are the things most people perceive as unattainable in life, truly unattainable in reality?
Unattainable Podcast Show
Love, Boundaries, And LA Lessons Ft. Jaida - Ep.167
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Special thanks to Jaida for being a part of this episode of Unattainable Podcast Show
We unpack how character, boundaries, and intuition can turn chaos into momentum as Jaida Henley shares her move to LA, a toxic breakup, career breakthroughs, and a very real boat story. The result is a clear map for focusing your energy, building real relationships, and keeping standards in work and love.
• personality versus character in dating choices
• options in LA and maturing out of games
• moving from codependency to self-trust
• three loves theory and setting boundaries
• spiritual gut checks driving career momentum
• Atlanta roots contrasted with LA vigilance
• boat confrontation and protecting reputation
• agencies, independence, and getting booked
• mentors, full-circle sets, and consistency
• dating without apps and raising standards
• older partners, small gestures, and effort
• vulnerability, options, and keeping the spark
“Follow me at Jaida Henley or check out my stuff, jadahenley.com.”
“I do have a song coming out shortly… it comes out on June 6th. It’s called That’s On You.”
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Cold Open: Signs And Stereotypes
SPEAKER_03Pisces are cool people. Like Pisces men. I say like Pisces women and men are kind of like different, like with all the signs.
SPEAKER_01Once you get here, you have so many options, like both sides do. Eventually go through that so many times, and you're like, okay, well, now I want something lasting.
SPEAKER_03The blessings that you want are there, but you have to actually listen to whatever your guide is telling you. Like whatever your internal guide is telling you. If you're just ignoring that gut feeling, that gut feeling sitting in that chaos, you're not gonna have momentum.
SPEAKER_00We are competitive, but also guys need each other.
SPEAKER_03That girl was so bothered by my existence. In a sense, I feel like maybe I went through that to protect me from like who knows what. Like maybe it was like a okay, maybe you should just leave now kind of thing. Because you think you know people, but you don't always know people at the end of the day. So, like, whatever. Now I'm working on a whole independent project, independent from this person who had put me on to my first few gigs, and now I'm seeing them on this set and they're seeing me working. Like it's just really cool. As a woman, if you carry yourself with a certain mannerism, you do avoid certain conversations. I feel like dating apps is allowing people that are never supposed to have access to your energy and your energy. As you age, you kind of just learn things as a man and you get played out from certain things and bored from certain things. So it is refreshing. Like that he did wash my car. He's like courting me, he's catering to me because he actually does like me, does take me serious. Like, you're cool and all, but I don't live for your validation. So, yeah, if some days I'm lazy, you go see me lazy.
SPEAKER_00Welcome to Unattainable. Glad to have you with us. I'm your host, Zach Gibbons, along with my co-host Siddharth Tantia. Today we got a special guest on the podcast. This is Jada. Jada, why don't you go ahead and introduce yourself to the audience, your name, what you do, and your star sign.
SPEAKER_03Hi, my name is Jada Henley. I'm an actress and singer, and I'm a Libra.
SPEAKER_00This is gonna be very interesting. I know all about Libras. We did have you on one time before. I don't remember you being that toxic. Um, but I know Libras are one of the most uh, let's just say roller coaster of emotions. Bad for my mental health.
SPEAKER_04For us to be so balanced, right? It's kind of like counteractive a little bit.
SPEAKER_00It's kind of ironic you guys are the scale because I found you guys to be the least balanced of most of the signs.
SPEAKER_03Um I feel like we talked about this a little bit last time because I was like, what describes a Libra? And then Mo had said um lack of commitment issues.
SPEAKER_00No, no, lack of commitment. You guys have the issues.
Personality Versus Character In Dating
SPEAKER_00You guys have the issues, it's just the commitment part.
SPEAKER_06What's your sign?
SPEAKER_00Pisces. Oh uh we're smart, funny, attractive, good looking, tall, smart, funny, and attractive. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_06So and you guys have high egos, huge egos, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Huge egos, yeah.
SPEAKER_06I dated Pisces.
SPEAKER_00And how has that turned out for you?
SPEAKER_06I'm single.
SPEAKER_00To be fair, to be fair, we are fuckboys, but we're professional fuckboys. We're not like the amateur Gen Z ones running around nowadays with a bed with no headboard.
SPEAKER_03Pisces are cool people, like Pisces men. I say like Pisces women and men are kind of like different, like with all the signs. Pisces men are cool, but emotionally we just it's it's like you said, it's a roller coaster when we try to like get emotionally involved. Friend wise, I think Libras and Pisces can get along from my experiences, but anytime it's gotten emotional, it just hasn't worked out.
SPEAKER_00Interesting, interesting. I I think Libras are very fun, but so so a lot of people don't realize this. There's a difference between personality and character, right? And everybody thinks they're the same thing, but they're actually complete opposite sides of the psychological spectrum, right? So personality is very emotion-based. So when a girl says, Oh, I like a guy because he's confident and he makes me laugh and we just vibe together, that's personality, right? And the issue is because guys with personality are emotion-based, when he loves you, you feel that love, right? And when he's angry, you feel that kind of rage. And when it's when it's fun, it's just so fun. So that's why you get the roller coaster emotions, which can be intoxicating, right? Right. But the issue is because guys who are personality based are very emotional, when it's 3 a.m. and there's some, you know, chick flirting with him, he's going to make a decision at that time based on his emotional state at the time. So now you end up with some, you know, SoundCloud rapper who shares his only toothbrush with his roommate because he's funny, right? It's like, yeah, so is the clown at my nephew's birthday party, but it's like, do you want love or do you want to find entertainment, right? Right. Where character is actually the complete opposite end of the spectrum. So character is is is doing things in spite of your emotion, right? So it's when, for example, my girlfriend called me at 3 a.m. because her cat threw up and she's convinced her cat has terminal cancer, and I'm driving her cat to the vet at 4 a.m. Not because I want to, but because as stupid as it might sound, she needed me in that moment. And when you have character, you do things for the people regardless of your emotions. Does that make sense?
SPEAKER_03Well, even if that may compromise somebody else you care about in emotions in those senses, like you said you're a professional fuckboy in those senses. So say it's like where you are being tempted. It is 3 a.m. and this girl is hitting on you, but you know you do have your girlfriend at home. You're thinking in that moment, as the Pisces, are you like in your situation in that heat of the moment? Are you gonna go flirt with the girl, even though you know you're a girl at home? Because you're professional with it, you know, it won't really hurt too much at the end of the day, as long as you don't take it too far.
SPEAKER_00Or if you'd have asked me 10 years ago, my answer wouldn't have been different.
Options In LA And Maturing Out Of Games
SPEAKER_00Now, my answer would be like, no, it's not worth it. Um because at some point you get to the point where you've hooked up with enough girls, and it's like it's it's like okay, what do I hook up with another girl? Text my friends, dude hooked up with another chick last night. You know, eventually it gets to the point where you start to value quality over quantity.
SPEAKER_05It's nice to know that that comes at some point.
SPEAKER_01I think yeah, go ahead. No, sorry, I was gonna say, like, LA accelerates that process quite a bit. Like, once you get here, you have so many options, like both sides do. Eventually you go through that so many times, and you're like, okay, well, now I want something lasting.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. What's your zodiac sign?
SPEAKER_01I'm cancer.
SPEAKER_03Cancer, okay.
SPEAKER_01Cancer is where are my feelings? Try not to be, but yeah.
SPEAKER_03Nice. I haven't dated a cancer before, but my business partner is a cancer. I'd say like he's pretty cool.
SPEAKER_01Nice. Yeah, we're good people.
SPEAKER_00How's your dating life going now? I know when we first talked, you just moved to LA figuring things out. How has it changed from then to now?
SPEAKER_03I'd say I've done pretty good at not dating around too much in LA. Because when I first came out here, I was like kind of seeing somebody for about a year and a half, two years, and then um when we separated, had a little like short-term relationship, but that that didn't work out well. I met them in LA, they weren't from LA, but yeah, that that that didn't work out too well. So ever since um long story short, it just was a waste of time, emotions, and energy at the end of the day. I feel like it it's a good muse for my art. I've created a lot of good art from the situations. Um and I know further down the line, I went through some of the experiences I did to impact people further down the line, to kind of be a wiser person to lead in the future. Um, but yeah, like I learned a lot about myself out here, being away from everything that I've known. I learned a lot about myself, um, such as like codependency attachments. I realized how much I thought I needed to have somebody by my side to like be, it's that balance thing. I think it's a Libra. Um and then also just I have a tendency to self-sabotage sometimes. So just learning to discipline myself and then the anticipation of I'm just gonna go home, I'm just gonna go home. Like, I'm over it, I'm over it. This happened, this happened, this is unnecessary. But then I I just stay like each time I'm just like, no, not yet, not yet.
SPEAKER_00Okay, so let's let's dig into this a little bit. So obviously, not the right person for you, not the right type of person for you, lots of lessons learned. But going into the relationship originally, what was it about him that kind of drew you to him? Like, was there a part of his personality that was kind of you knew what you were getting self yourself into, and he had, but he had this maybe kind of like unpredictable, dangerous, mysterious energy that you liked, or from the start were you like, oh my god, this is an amazing guy, and then found out later.
SPEAKER_03I definitely
Jada’s Move, Relationships, And Self-Discovery
SPEAKER_03kind of went into the situation more of a blind sided. It wasn't necessarily like a date to marry situation, it was kind of like oh you're cool, let's hang out, and then hanging out turned into the relationship. Um and I think both of our love languages is just quality time, so it just went spending every day together. Um, and then you know, you just bond with people the more time you spend with them. Um I'd say from the start, what kind of attracted my attention was the fact that I felt like they were at my pace, like they made music, they're into like cars, um, just a lot of things that as a woman I felt like complimented the things that I was like interested in, but I wasn't necessarily gonna learn myself. I'm not gonna go like teach myself how to do my oil, not at this point right now, maybe one day further down the line. But it's nice to have somebody around that's like, oh yeah, you can do this to your cars, or you can do that. Like it was cool, like the like polarity, I guess. Um and also he taught me a lot about LA. So I think it was just we were brought around each other to kind of like teach each other more at the end of the day instead of like end up together.
SPEAKER_00So what happened?
SPEAKER_03Um, a lot. Yeah. I'm not really gonna give them the spotlight because I know they're gonna watch it and they're they're little people too, but fair enough.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Um, it's interesting. Have you heard of Three Loves Theory? No, it's so people say you have three important loves in your life. You have your first love that you kind of think is gonna last forever because you're new, it's you don't know what you don't know. Um, then you have your second love, which is your toxic love, which is the one that teaches you everything that you don't want in a relationship and in a partner. And only after going through the second love that just breaks you down and you know helps you learn what you don't want, can you find your soulmate? And that's when you're prepared for your soulmate because you actually know what you like and what you don't like. So when you find the right person, you're ready for it.
SPEAKER_03That is true. I feel like that person was in my life to show me my boundaries. Like you said, it kind of shows you what you won't stand for, what you won't allow in your further relationships, kind of helps you realize what, like you said, you analyze why did I like this person at the end of the day. Um, it helps you re-develop your character in a sense when it comes to your standards, in my sense, and that I'm 22, so I hope like I I hope I learn. I hope I learn now as I'm experiencing these things because I don't want to go through them again. Obviously, I'll go through more things in life, um, but if I just pay attention and be intentional and learn from these experiences, then if I have some brain cells, I should be able to not do that again. That's how I feel anyway.
SPEAKER_00Do you it is interesting because a lot of people in LA go through difficult relationships, toxic relationships, or whatever, and end up very jaded or kind of negative, but I don't sense that energy on you at all. Like you it feels like you came out of it like a stronger person, you learned your lessons, and you're not jaded or anti-man or anti-relationships. It seems like you kind of grew from it. Do you feel like that's
Three Loves Theory And Boundaries
SPEAKER_00true?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, um, it took me a while. Like, I think we were like trying to get away from each other to like break that attachment for a few months, but it you know, it's hard. Um, especially when we just like started getting closer and closer. It's like, okay, now you benefit me, I benefit you. So now it's like, okay, we gotta create these boundaries. Um ever since I decided, like, alright, I'm done. Because at one point we had separated for like a month, and I was just kind of like waiting for the phone call, like, all right, they'll come back. This time, no, like I'm cool, it's good. Like, you call me, don't call me. Like, don't call me, please don't call me. Um, and I will say, ever since then, when I finally did create that boundary, that spiritual boundary in a sense, and I was just like, I am taking back all of my energy and I'm giving back everything to you. Like, you're not consuming my thoughts anymore. I'm not waiting for you anymore. I'm done. I'm cool. Like, not to say who are you, but no, we don't know each other anymore. Um, and ever since then, I have been booked every single day for my acting gigs. And even on my days off, random spontaneous music video that was shot for my song coming out, um, random performances getting booked, like it's just been an eye-opener for me in a sense, because I have been getting more into my spiritual journey personally, that the blessings that you want are there, but you have to actually listen to whatever your guide is telling you, like whatever your internal guide is telling you. If you're just ignoring that gut feeling, that gut feeling sitting in that chaos, you're not gonna have momentum. But once you finally get rid of the root of whatever is causing that illness within yourself, I mean, it's just been like non-stop. And I'm I'm I'm grateful for it. Like, I'm just like riding the wave.
SPEAKER_01Do you feel like being in LA has like accelerated that process of finding yourself, figuring out your spiritual journey rather than like being in Atlanta?
SPEAKER_04That's a great question.
SPEAKER_03You're from Atlanta too, so you can't get a lot of people. Yeah, that's because yeah, yeah. So um, I feel like Atlanta is really familiar for me. I try to go back as much as I can because that's where my family is. And you know, from the south, we have that really like southern hospitality of like I got your back. Um, so I try to visit as much as I can, and it's cool that I can get castings out there. So I'll try to apply for gigs and have excuses to go home. Like, oh, I'm getting paid to go home. Um, super blessed to be from Hollywood of the South. Like coming out here has definitely made me awaken my spiritual journey more because I'm not around all the people I love. So, like, okay, how am I gonna represent myself? Who am I gonna show up as? What are my boundaries? Who do I represent? Kind of thing. Um I say I kind of juxtaposed myself just up and moving to LA when I did, because I was like building my brand in Atlanta for about four years. Shout out to my people in Atlanta, I love you guys. Um, and I kind of like came up and came out here with the intention to become national. I had over hundreds of mutuals with people and I'm meeting them in Atlanta, and I was ready to create that same momentum out in LA. And then maybe who knows at the time when I first moved out here on the podcast originally, at the time, who knows? Maybe I would have ended up in Miami. I was just down to like network wherever. Um, ended up out here. It's two years now that I've been out here, which is like the growth is crazy. Last time I was on the show, my hair was like to my shoulders, so it's kind of cool. So for moving to LA spiritual journey, yes. Um career-wise, I definitely say the first year I had to find my groundings. Right. Whereas in Atlanta, I kind of already had my groundings, so it was a huge fear of missing out cloud that I had going on. And then my people back home are, oh, you abandoned us, or why did you do that, or you need to come back home. So I'm over here trying to follow whatever I feel is within my purpose and my path, and everyone's like telling me, like, come on, like feeding into the body.
SPEAKER_01Did you did you ever feel like, oh, I want to kind of go back home, like this is a mistake for the first year.
SPEAKER_03Even um up until like November is the last time I really felt like that. And like even now, I'm considering just
Spiritual Shift And Career Momentum
SPEAKER_03like driving out there because I have my dog, so I can't really fly and spend weeks at a time out there because he's a bigger dog, so I can't fly with him. So I was thinking like just doing a little road trip and spending a few weeks out there doing some castings, coming back out here. But like I said, I've just been so booked that I haven't had the chip. Yeah, I'm so grateful for it, like super grateful for it. Sleep has not existed.
SPEAKER_01I mean, yeah, that's that's amazing. Like for the first year when I was out here, it took I I knew nobody. So, like, actually Zach was one of my first friends. You know, he's one of the best friends now. Like it took almost a year before I started meeting those friends and like getting to really the LA scene and really find myself. But at the same time, yeah. But at the same time, I feel like I've grown so much just by being in LA and being exposed to so many different cultures, so many different mind tests in Atlanta, or like I said, it's like southern hospitality, everyone's kind of got your back. You don't meet like the ones who are like, you know, you kind of have to figure out how to deal with to get to the next level.
SPEAKER_03You have to have a vigilance out here. Yeah. It's more like even when you're at the airport, people will just randomly like smile at you. It's it's kind of like like welcoming when you touch down in Atlanta. Out here, if you smile at people like that, you don't know what you're inviting.
SPEAKER_01They'll think you're crazy.
SPEAKER_03You don't well, that and you don't know what you're inviting into your energy. Like you, I might smile at you, and you could be a total creep, and you're like plotting, like, oh, this girl's smiling at me, like now I'm about to kidnap her. And and that's the same sense in Atlanta too. I feel like that's kind of like just the mindset of a woman in general, but out here I'd notice like it's more of a protection of your energy to like, like, oh, I'll acknowledge you, but I'm not necessarily going to invite you into my energy per se, because there's a lot of mental illness out here. And that's just what it is.
SPEAKER_00You mentioned something interesting. Um you said it's hard to make friends out here.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, your industry friends are not your real friends. There's a lot of people that will hang out with you if you have like a lot of opportunities for them, or if there's something that sounds fun, or if it's free. Or especially if it's paid. Um, and then behind like closed doors, you can barely get a phone call out of them. And I I'll say I have the same tendency to kind of like isolate myself. So I'm not saying like, oh, I don't have any friends. I draw my I'm I'm very to myself, I'm a very in-person type of person, and I'm on sets a lot, I'm doing a lot of different things, so I don't really get to just kick it with people every day. Um but I will say, like, yeah, most of my friends that I consider genuine friends are in Atlanta, and I talked to them on FaceTime.
SPEAKER_00The truth is about LA, I don't know how any girls find friends here. Like, I've had my same, like my boys, the same group of guys since basically I moved here like 10 years ago.
SPEAKER_04When you guys said, like, like, oh yeah, I met him, he's my best friend, I was like, that's awesome. Like, that's amazing.
SPEAKER_00You know how many people I've had to meet and just build bonds very quickly. Um, we are competitive, but also guys need each other, right? Because let's say in the dating scene, for example, because this is a lot of times the word jealousy and things like that come up. If you and a guy both want to talk to girls, you need your friends. Because if you talk to a girl, she has her friends, he has to go talk to them. Also, you just need friends, otherwise, you look like a fucking loser if you don't have any friends, right? So you need your friends to help you out. Whereas girls, you don't. You could go to the bar by yourself right now and go home with probably like half of the guys in the bar. You know what it like very easily without even trying, right? So, because of this, it tends to foster a culture of girls being very competitive with each other, stacked on top of the fact that most girls who came to LA were hot shit in their hometown. They were the hottest model, they were the best singer, they were the most amazing actor. And then they come to LA and it's like, oh shit. I'm middle of the pack now. And a lot of people can't deal with that, and they take it out by trying to push other people below them instead of trying to rise above.
SPEAKER_03I feel like that was a really smooth intro to like this story that I wanted to tell you. Perfect. Um, okay. Long story short, I have been, I went to this photo shoot a few months ago that was on a boat with the like squirrel agency, that's the name for it. And it's like squirrel girl agency. It's one of my friends that started
Atlanta Roots Versus LA Reality
SPEAKER_03it, and like they were doing a photographer um model fit photo shoot on the boat. Showed up, I started qu picking the brains of the owners of the boat. Like, how do you own this boat? Like, like, what do you do? You know, because I'm I'm really business savvy. So while all the girls are partying, I'm just like, I'm on a boat one day. Like, what do you guys do? Right? So, long story short, um, they kind of appreciated the fact that I was picking their brains. They were like willing to pour into me their wisdom, so you know, like, oh yeah, I have a lot of experiences, I'm willing to share them with you. Ended up getting them booking, so brought cash to their hand for a streamer to book out the boat. So now they really respect me because I done brought them cash and it wasn't even out of my own pocket. It was like, I can bring you business. So at this point, we're locked in, like, we're cool. Um, and I had been kind of like isolating myself as I was going through that toxic relationship. So I hadn't really been to the boat in a while. I was gonna go to I I did go to the boat last weekend, just like on chill vibes because I wanted to go out, but I didn't want to go to the club. I didn't really want my energy like vampired on, didn't have my girlfriends to go with at that point because it's really last minute. I just got off a set. So I went to the boat and two of my girlfriends pulled up. Well, it was one of my girlfriends and she brought a girl and I waited to get on the boat. Something in my gut just told me to wait, even though like I know them were cool. I would have been chill getting on by myself. I waited. Going up, and one of the people is like, Yeah, so there's this girl that's really drunk on the boat. She's been really depressed, so I've just been like consoling her, but just ignore her. Whatever, I don't care. So I get on the boat, we're sitting there, I'm chilling. I'm tired. I'd been on set for like six and a half hours, and like I said, I've been going on a run. That's supposed to be my off day. I'm just in there chilling, composed, listening, kind of like a conversation. The person who invited me continues to try to talk to me. This girl's over here. This is my husband, this is my husband. She just met him that day. She's the only girl on the boat. They had had a day party earlier that day. She's just left over, hanging out, whatever. She's being fed sushi when I walked in and flashing. So you kind of get the vibes. Like, she's she's just around. So I go there, I'm just sitting composed. They know better than to try me like that. Like, it is not that type of relationship whatsoever. Sitting there listening, and I was planning to do my video shoot on the boat in about two weeks. So we're kind of talking about it. They're picking my brain. I'm not really saying too much. I'm just kind of like vibe checking the room, feeling the energy, just existing, letting my friends, this girl on the boat not talking to me. Like, not talking to me whatsoever. But she's talking to my friend. She's drunk as shit. So I'm not really, I don't really care. Like it's cool. Um, so this person keeps talking to me, and she starts to get a little frenzied about it, and she's like, Leave her alone, just stop talking to her. I'm just sitting there, like, just like, okay, like they were kind of like talking to me a bit. There's a music going. I was trying to listen to their conversation, just being a little nosy and got them in my ear. So I didn't really mind it. I was like, okay, like just chilling still. Continues trying to talk to me, and then he asks to hear the song that I want to shoot on the boat. So he starts playing the song over the speaker, and the girl's like vibing to my song at first, and then all of a sudden she's like, Whose song is this? Oh, that's my song. It's my first time really speaking to her for all. We hadn't really had a conversation. She's like, No, turn it off. Absolutely not. I don't like it. Turn it off. It's not relatable. I don't like it. I don't like RB. Okay, like that's cool. Like, you don't have to like my sound. Like, I'm not like that's cool. There's a lot of people that tell me that my music's just not there yet. That's cool. I can take that. I like my sound and I know that I'm continuing to develop it. So I was like, okay, well, I genuinely wanted her feedback because she was obviously willing to give it. So I was like, I have this other song, it's more of a hip-hop type of vibe. Let me know if you like it. But I'm just gonna let you know right now, if you don't like Juice World, you're not gonna like my music. Like, that's just what it's been referred to a lot. Like, if you don't like that, it's just not your sound. And so she starts listening to it, like talking so loud over the music, trying to distract the whole room from the song. And the the guys are over here trying to boost me up. No, we like it, we want to hear it. Like, it sounds good. Like, yeah, I hear the vision, like just trying to boost me up. And this girl's getting even louder, like trying to just really distract. So at this point, I'm recording myself because I feel uncomfortable. So I'm like, I'm just gonna like get in my get in my own little bubble and like record myself, like playing my song, because I'm not allowed about to let her just trash my song like that and go about it like like tuck in my head. I love my music. So, you know, I was just doing a little Snapchat
Friendship, Competition, And The Boat Story
SPEAKER_03video to my own energy, and the song turns off, and there they go to replay it. I'm like, no, it's cool, because obviously, like this girl's just getting a kick out of it, so I'm cool. And they start to replay it, and she's just getting like even more I don't know, she's just talking shit. So I get up and I leave. I'm not about to deal with it. She's drunk, I hadn't had any alcohol. I just got there, hadn't talked to this girl. I'm not about to deal with this. I'm tired, I'm going home. I wasn't even gonna come to the boat, but I wanted to just be out of the house, so I was just like, all right, I'm gonna leave. I walked out and I'm waiting on the dock in between the boat and the Trader Joe's, and I was waiting for my friends to come out. I went down and didn't really wait too long. I was kind of like almost to the gate to go around to the other side when the person who invited me came out. Wait, wait, we were still supposed to secure the like video shoot with the other business partner, like, like come back in, it's cool. And then just trying to pour into me. You know, when you have haters, you're doing something right, like keep going. Like, just okay. I'm not getting back on that boat. Like, I respect you. Thanks for inviting me. It's cool. I'll see you another time, but I'm I'm good, I'm out. This girl comes out, fast forward a little bit. This girl comes out, gets in my face, telling me, bye, you need to leave, you need to leave, get out of here, bye. Like this, my husband, bye, get out of here, get out of here. I looked at her, I'm waiting for my friend. Same way I'm looking at you, I'm waiting for my friend.
SPEAKER_00Wait, I still don't understand why was she so pissed at your music?
SPEAKER_03I think it's because the guys that she was trying to have attention from were giving me attention so effortlessly.
SPEAKER_00I see.
SPEAKER_03And she was over here there, like I said, saying, I paid 4,000 for this one. I paid 4,000 for this one, like just showing them off. Like, she's the only girl for what?
SPEAKER_00Each boob. All her boobs, oh splashing her titties.
SPEAKER_03I had been in the room for 10 minutes and seen this girl nipples. So that that explains why she was still there and she's the only girl on the boat left. So she was obviously just like in a pick-me kind of she's drunk. And like, whatever, girl, if that's your vibe, whatever. If they were trying to get like having fun night, whatever. Like I said, they know better than to try that with me. So I wasn't involved, I don't care. Like, not my business. But then she just got, I guess she just felt so irritated that I'm just here, just sitting here composed, minding my business, and they're trying to like gas me up, play my music.
SPEAKER_00Well, were you prettier than her?
SPEAKER_03Uh she was pretty. She's pretty. I wasn't sitting there comparing myself to her, but also I don't I know my worth, and I know that everyone has there's there's nobody in the room saying that there's a limited amount of space. I can be my full self, you can be your full full self, say can be his full self. There is enough energy for us all to be our highest self and nobody be less of a person because we're all individual in a sense. So this girl is over here so vampire towards me when I'm just like, yo, even to the point where I leave, I'm not entertaining this girl. Like, I felt like I'm maturing, like, I'm not entertaining the drama. I get if I'm leaving, also, it's my face card. Like I said, I I actually like bring clients to these people, so I'm not about to sit here and show them my ass and kind of show that to my I stand on business. So in that situation, I was exiting the situation, so I didn't lose my my business composure. This girl gets in my face. So then my my homegirl that came with me, she's tall, she's she's pretty big, she's like gorgeous. She came out. What's the problem? So now that girl backed up off of me a little bit because she realized she was just pushing it. So I go on the other side of the gate because I realize this girl's drunk. I'm not about to play with the boundaries. I'm gonna just walk on the other side. I don't have no beef with her for real. I don't even know her. It's not worth my time. I go on the other side, I think like I'm cool, like I'm chilling, right? I'm waiting for my friends still. She's over here on the other side of the fence. The guy who invited me is kind of blocking her from coming out. So I'm like, have that boundary in a sense. She's over here, I'm gonna kill you. I know everywhere in LA. Just started naming her block, like started saying, you better not go to your car because I'm gonna find you.
SPEAKER_00Find these people.
SPEAKER_03I just left my house.
SPEAKER_00Stop going to ghetto boat.
SPEAKER_03It wasn't ghetto. They are rich white men.
SPEAKER_00I'm not saying race. I'm just saying, whoever this guy races super fast.
SPEAKER_03Well, no, no, not in that sense, but it's like I have been there so many times and never had that kind of problem. And also, like I said, I wasn't looking for any problems. I wasn't even entertaining her when she was trying to pick them. Like when she said, um, oh, this girl before I got off the boat, she said, it's giving Texas. I was like, what do you mean? Like, I don't I don't go to Texas, I don't have like too many memories in Texas. She's like, it's giving e-haw. I was like, Well, I am from the South. Like, I'm from Georgia.
SPEAKER_00I mean, she's right about that.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, like I am from the South. And she was like, Well, it's just, it's just not my not my thing. I said, Well, you're you're not my audience. Yeah, then at that point.
SPEAKER_00It sounds like she was drunk and probably a little bit jealous.
SPEAKER_03And so as I was leaving, this is where the the the whole point of the story comes in. As I was leaving, I started recording her when she said she was gonna start, like when she said she was gonna kill me. Because at this point, I'm getting a kick out of it. Like this girl's like drunk, like just like chwin her ass. So I just started recording it. I wasn't like mocking her, nothing. I was just recording it because you you say you're finna kill me, I'm gonna get a picture of you at least. And I don't know why this guy moved around. Maybe he just wanted to feel like he is getting fought over, whatever. I don't know why he let her around that, like a lot let her around. She comes out, smacks my hand so hard that my phone flies into the ocean. Yeah, yeah, she she she smacked my phone into the ocean, and so at that point, I'm screaming security, like somebody come get her, because I don't really want to get into it, but I had just gotten into a fight for the first time in years, like a week before that. And so, you know, it's like I don't want to get in that streak of just being violent. So I was just like, no, I'm not gonna succumb to this. Like, again, I don't know this girl.
SPEAKER_01If you had footer, who do you think it would have won?
SPEAKER_03Her. She was drunk, she's bigger than me, and I'm really not too violent unless I have like a huge animosity or a grudge towards somebody. Like, unless you've really had like maybe that's like the Libra in me. Like, I I like unless it I have a like I don't let go of stuff easily, but I would say it takes a lot for me to get to that point. Like, I rather just get somebody out of my vicinity than continue to deal with that, unless, like I said, there's like a deeper attachment.
SPEAKER_00So did you make her pay for your phone?
SPEAKER_03This girl, I kid you not. This girl flashed the security guard, got on the freaking go-kart, and went and sat in the parking lot for like 20 minutes.
The Confrontation: Phone In The Ocean
SPEAKER_03Could not go to my car. I had to sit back on that boat 20 minutes till her Uber came, and I got no name, no Instagram.
SPEAKER_00Oh, you didn't even know her name. I don't I don't know this girl. Like, who is this girl?
SPEAKER_03They didn't know her. She was like on the boat because they had rented, they charted it out earlier that day from a day party, and she was just a straggler from the party.
SPEAKER_00She just stayed.
SPEAKER_03Exactly. Like when I got on the boat, it was literally the two people I had known and the girl. Like I said, I don't care now. My problem. That girl was so bothered by my existence. In a sense, I feel like maybe I went through that to protect me from like who knows what. Like maybe it was like a okay, maybe you should just leave now kind of thing. Because you think you know people, but you don't always know people at the end of the day, so like whatever. But also, it also made me feel like I'm I'm actually doing something with my music. Because that man had been playing his songs for 20 minutes straight, and it was just background noise. But the minute my song starts playing, it's the the center of the like it's it's the problem, it's a this is you know, yeah. So that that kind of like I did have to like kind of stroke my ego a little bit in that situation because I lost my phone. I had to go buy a new thousand dollar phone.
SPEAKER_00Maybe your music uh uh incites angering people, Jada.
SPEAKER_03No, it doesn't.
SPEAKER_00I mean I don't know that yeah, that's what it's looking like. Maybe it's hey, but any emotion is a good emotion.
SPEAKER_03It's this face card, baby. These people don't like my face.
SPEAKER_00Could be that, could be that too.
SPEAKER_03No, I really think it was because I had walked in and like I said, she had been exposing herself within 10 minutes of me being in the room. I'm sitting there just modestly composed, just not even really interested. Like I kind of wanted there to be a little party or something going on, some type of music. It felt like I was just sitting in like a like small dining room kind of like setting. So I was like, alright, this isn't really how I want to spend my night. Like, I'll I'll have the conversations with the people who invited me, wrap it up, and leave. But I I just kind of hoping for a little more fun. I didn't want it to be like a whole club setting, but I was like hoping it'd be more than just a girl and two guys.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, so it's just the four of you.
SPEAKER_03No, there was some other people too. I brought my friend and um she brought her girlfriend.
SPEAKER_00Okay, okay.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I would not go there alone. Not necessarily in a sense that I don't trust them, but in a sense of like that's just I I live out here by myself. I'm not I'm not about to go in. Yeah, that's fine. Yeah, and like I said, you think you know people, but I'm not about to sit here and be naive either. I've gone through a few situations in LA with that too. People will try to sell you the dream and then it's the verbiage in the contracts.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, you know, I don't understand creepy guys in LA. Just like just be tall, rich, and good looking. It's easy. Just be tall, rich, good looking, and play in the NBA, and you can just get all the girls you want. I don't understand these creepy guys.
SPEAKER_03I think it's when guys start to see women as like monetary value or like what they can like profit off of a girl, because you know a lot of girls out here um will kind of like get more into the industries, and a lot of these guys want to be managers or hop onto it or like run the chat, like you know, kind of things. So I feel like in a sense, it's like, oh, like join my agency, join my you know, kind of thing. Um I feel like it's more when guys see how they can profit out of women, and then they just start to see like, okay, like this girl, I haven't burned a bridge with her yet. I can get this out of her, I can get this out of her, I can get it. It's kind of like the player mentality in a sense.
SPEAKER_00But for business, you're sorry.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I guess like people get like shiny object syndrome. I did realize like there's a lot of places out here that will represent one image on social media, and behind the closed doors, they have a lot going on. And I mean everyone knows that that's that's LA, but it's like kind of different when you walk into the door and it's like, oh, okay. It's I've been out here two years, uh like a year and a half now, and I'm I'm I'm kinda I see like okay, let me let me exit this situation before it ends up being a Hollywood story.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I I
Agencies, Independence, And Getting Work
SPEAKER_00used to own a company in the modeling industry. Um, we weren't an agency, we'd run like events for the agencies, right? So you kind of get a backdoor look at all these agencies, and it was very interesting because I would almost say most agencies will not get you any work. Like for like at least in the modeling industry, or they'll get you like one gig every two months or something, and it's almost like they just promise the models everything in the world, and then there's just nothing. And even some of the big agencies, even if you get signed with them, it's like, yeah, great, they're still focusing on their top 10% of models that they're giving all the gigs to, and you still have to kind of hustle for your own gigs. And a lot of girls don't realize that, and they get signed and they're super pumped. And I'm like, great, that's when the work starts, and they don't realize, yeah, you still gotta be booking your own gigs, you still gotta be networking out there, because the reality is making it as a model or musician or an actor, it's like making the NBA, like you're not just gonna be pretty and boom automatic to the top.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, it takes a lot of practice, a lot of learning, a lot of um blood, sweat, and tears, honestly, like a lot of hours put in. Um I would say it's really interesting that this conversation this topic's being brought up because. I have been on set a lot the past week, but I represent myself. And talking to other actresses and actors on the set, I'm learning their experiences, you know, whether they're in SAG or non-union, or if they're represented, or how they got representation, or how they got their reels, whatever. And I'm over here thinking, like, oh, maybe like I need to get representation. I need to get representation. But then I was talking to one of the actors on set yesterday, and they kind of said the same thing. Like, nobody's gonna push you as hard as you're gonna push yourself. And typically when you do get when these, and it's typically young girls because the girls don't know any better. Um when these girls do get signed to these agencies, they expect so much support, like you said, but if they're not bringing in the top money, they're not gonna get the top attention. And then it makes these girls feel like they or these people in general that they have the like failed dreams or they're not good enough or whatever. Um and so now I'm kind of in that mentality. I haven't been quick to want to get signed for my music. I'm totally fine being independent for my music because I have total control. Um but I love that you had mentioned the running like representation and everything and agencies with that because in some sense it is beneficial. Like in my live streaming, I am signed to agencies for those platforms, but it helps me because I have support and I get paid more from them. Um, but I also do bring in results. If I didn't bring in those results, I wouldn't get those bonuses. But with music and acting and other like modeling, I have never really looked too much to get into the modeling industry per se. Cause I guess I like when I did, I never really got picked. Like because there's all the online submissions and everything. Everyone's always like, Oh, you should model, you should model. Like, I know. I just like I kind of like do my little pictures for fun. But um music and acting, yeah. Somebody told me about a year ago the industry only wants people they can use. So you have to be that's why I was kind of full circling too. It's usually the young girls, they don't know any better, and they get like, oh, it's like, yeah, we want you, we want you, you're you're a star, like we're gonna blow you up. Like, just we you have so much potential. What do you want? Oh, we can make that happen for you. Just trust me.
SPEAKER_00Well, the hard thing too is okay, like trust me. Let's say in the acting industry, right? They need a certain amount of guys, a certain amount of girls, right? Guys, you're competing against the guys for the guy roles, obviously. And so you need to be a better actor, you need to be better networked, better, all these things, right? But for the girl roles, not only are you competing against being a better actor, but you're also competing against the girls who are willing to do more than you know, show up for the audition to get the role. So now out of the a hundred spots, it's like, okay, how many of these spots are taken up by girls who are like, yeah, you know, if I can shave five years off my career, you know, by fast-forwarding myself by doing whatever with whatever guy or producer or something like that. And that definitely happens, you know. I don't know how much it happens, I don't know the percentage, because obviously people don't really talk about it much, but it definitely happens. I've definitely heard plenty of stories.
SPEAKER_03I will say I'm very grateful that that hasn't happened to me, and all the sets I've been on out here have been really professional. Um, I have had people reach out to me virtually and say, like, how far are you willing to go to get in the box office? I have connections. I literally screenshotted it and posted it on my story with laughing emojis, like to let people know not to try me like that. Like to kind of let anybody else know that was watching and maybe wanted to approach me like that, not to let that happen. I will say I kind of do have a I would call him a mentor in the actor industry, like in the industry. Um, but he's never tried to make me feel uncomfortable
Mentors, Full-Circle Sets, And Wins
SPEAKER_03or anything like that. I had been working at the bank kind of around the time I was on the podcast, and he bought it, he had walked in and his name is Dale. He walked in putting down a soundtrack paycheck, paying for a movie or whatever. He's a director um owns a company. And I'll I've been in LA for three months, I haven't got any gigs, like there's a strike, everyone's telling me why did I move to from Atlanta? Because that's where all the work is going. I feel defeated working at this bank, working nine to five. Just like I had been out here three months, you know, and just hadn't just but I was in my head, it was like I felt that kind of like as I had mentioned, like I had just abandoned all my progress, and they were like, I have a few movie roles for you. Like, I I think you're really passionate about what you want to do. You have charisma, like I have this set, I can write you in. I got written in as a detective, so it was really cool. It was a movie, and then a few months later, I got invited back for another movie to do a stunt double. So I was like, in this in the movie, it was it was actually a really fun experience, too. Um, and it's crazy how everything works, like when you do move with good intentions and good relationships with people because you never know when you're gonna see them again or what you're gonna be working on them with. And um, I had reached out to them like a year after knowing them. How much do you charge for music videos? Do you do music videos? Oh, um, we charge this much, but I I'll I'll work with you on your first video. Like, I see your vision, let's get the ball rolling for you. You need to have a face on the internet, like with your music. Like everyone knows you for your influencing and everything, but you need to like start representing your face, your brand as an artist. So, like, we'll go shoot in Malibu, you can bring your dog. Um, and it was really cool. Shot my music video for Life of Mine, and it was like, oh, like, this is a really like I'm I'm really blessed to know this person, like, because they haven't tried me like that, but they keep continuing to put me onto roles. It's like, oh, like you really believe in me. So I was on this set for I think it's a show for BET the last three days. Um, it was uh I don't know if I'm allowed to talk about it yet because it's still in post-production, but long story short, it was like a red carpet scene. Um, and the person who had hired me rehired me from a previous casting. So it's like already really cool, like, oh cool. And it was usually it was the same production crew and some of the same cast. I'm like, oh hey, I remember you from the last time. Well, then um I'm talking to the casting director, and they're like, Oh yeah, I'm I've been in this movie, this, that, and then third, and they're like, Oh, this person, I'm like, you know this person? Yeah, they I work with this person, like we do movies. You do movies with this person, and then the next day, Dale was on set for this like random like casting on the the first day I didn't really know what I was walking into. I was grateful I'd been invited back, but then it's just full circle. Like now I'm working on a whole independent project, independent from this person who had put me on to my first few gigs, and now I'm seeing them on this set, and they're seeing me working, like it's just really cool. Um, so I'm very grateful that I have not gone into situations like that, but I also won't allow people to try me like that. I feel like when you just carry yourself with a certain character and a certain dignity, some people don't care, like they'll just ask you straight up because if they want something bad enough, they'll just ask, like, hey, like what you trying to do for I can get you like you said, like that, like what's what's up?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, kind of Harvey, yeah. Harvey style.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, but it but certain people, like I feel like as a woman, if you carry
Energy, Boundaries, And Professionalism
SPEAKER_03yourself with a certain mannerism, you do avoid certain conversations because right off the jump, if I notice someone is being a little flirty or over, like just even looking at me too, like like as if like, oh, I I can tell they're attracted to me. I'm gonna let them know up front, like, consider me like a cis, consider me like a homie, like I'm I'm a business person. I'm like I'm about my business, I don't mix personal and business together. And it kind of creates that like I don't want to say fear, but don't don't if you if you kind of ask me something like that, I'm gonna make you feel bad, like embarrassed in a sense. And I kind of let people know up front not to try me like that.
SPEAKER_00Gotcha, gotcha.
SPEAKER_03At least I think I do. At least I do as much as I can, you know.
SPEAKER_00How do you typically find guys you date nowadays? Um because you're working so much.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I haven't really wanted to date so the people that I have. The Toxic X I ended up finding on Hollywood, which on Hollywood, yeah. It was kind of funny. Um I was just walking with my girlfriend Hollywood? Yeah.
SPEAKER_08Oh.
SPEAKER_03I was walking with my girlfriend, and then um we had been like there's this random YouTuber that asked us random people to be in a video. We were in the video together and then kind of like hit it off, a little flirtatious conversation. And then um, like he was. He was the YouTuber?
SPEAKER_00No, oh okay, he was his friend.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, he was some um random stranger that hadn't been pulled.
SPEAKER_01Like me and my girlfriend was a stranger and pulled like what if this is all a setup like the random YouTuber was his friend, like just putting you all guys all together.
SPEAKER_03No, gosh, no. It's crazy though. Um, so but this I will say, like, I have dated somebody since him who has been completely opposite, and I won't say that we're serious in the sense of like exclusive or committed, and we've had that conversation. Like, I wouldn't even consider ourselves like in a relationship, we just have gone on dates before. Um, but they have just been like a complete opposite experience, like washing my car, filling my car up for me, like just this the simple things that I should expect from a man that like going to-washing your car, that's what you expect from a man uh after a couple dates. Well, you're right, no, that was a very generous.
SPEAKER_00I mean, that that's very nice of him, don't give me a big one.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, no, no, no. That was very nice. You're right. No, I don't mean it like that. I'm just saying, in the sense of like, if I was saying that to my girlfriends, or like even when I told my mom, I'm like, oh yeah, they bought me like flowers, and they're like, That's what you're excited for, is like they bought you flowers. Saying basically like saying expect more from the people that you're dating, just in a sense of like pick your crown up queen.
SPEAKER_00Doing a washing your car. I know, I know, I know, I know.
SPEAKER_01Wait, was that was that you asking, or would they just do it?
SPEAKER_03They just did it. Yeah, no. I guess that's different. See, that's what I was saying. It was a complete opposite experience.
SPEAKER_00Okay, let me ask you this though.
SPEAKER_03So But I met them
Dating Without Apps And Standards
SPEAKER_03randomly too, to answer your question. I met them randomly too. I was sitting at the um at a cafe with my girlfriend and they walked up to me.
SPEAKER_00Crazy. Yeah. It's a good way to meet, you know.
SPEAKER_03I like meeting people like that.
SPEAKER_00I'm glad you're not on the apps.
SPEAKER_03The apps are a cesspool of uh disease, um, death, and uh drama.
SPEAKER_00Everybody and everybody says, oh, well, I'm on hinge, that's the classy one. I'm like, no. It's all the same pool of losers on all of them. All the ones with hinge also have Tinder, and they also have Raya, because Raya's no longer like the exclusive app. It's all the same, it's all the same dudes on all three.
SPEAKER_03I feel like people going onto dating apps. I used to get on dating apps, so I won't sit here and be like, oh, dating apps.
SPEAKER_00I did too. That's why I'm trashing them now.
SPEAKER_03But they're horrible. I feel like dating apps is allowing people that are never supposed to have access to your energy in your energy. Like, I feel like the way that I have been meeting people has been by fate. Like it's been by walking up. Like people have been, it's been by interaction. Like, okay, like we have a chemistry in person, but I feel like going on that I'm not, I I don't know. I just I guess I'm not desperate. I don't care at the end of the day. I can sit by myself. I can go out on dates by myself. And if I want to date somebody, my DMs are flooded. I can't like you know, it's not that hard for me to pull somebody if I want to to be in that mindset, but I am really focused on big goals like Forbes 30 under 30 and best-selling author and TED Talks, you know. Like, I'm really focused on things that going out here and doing all this unnecessary dating apps and all that. I'm good. I'm good. Like I'm I'm good.
SPEAKER_00So this new guy, you see a future with him, or it's just uh I don't know. Fun little fling.
SPEAKER_03I don't know, he's cool. Um he's a little bit older. He's a little bit older, like eight years older than me.
SPEAKER_00That's not that much older. Not that much older. It's very normal, I think. Exactly.
SPEAKER_03Um, but I it's refreshing because my ex is like two years older than me.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that there's your problem.
SPEAKER_03And like you said, as you age, you kind of just learn things as a man and you get played out from certain things and bored from certain things. So it is refreshing. Like that he did wash my car. He's like courting me, he's catering to me because he actually does like me, does take me serious. Like, I know he gets girls. Though the girls watch my stories, but I will say I respect him because he's very honest about things, and so that's why I'm like he's a professional fuck boy.
SPEAKER_00I guess he's a fuck man. You need a fuck man in your life, Data. That's what you need. It's hilarious.
SPEAKER_03But I I appreciate his influence in my life because he has inspired me musically, his music is really cool, and um just with my like mentality, like putting me onto books and putting me on to it, like we went to Six Flags just spontaneously one day, which was cool. Like, I'm very adventurous, and so like them being adventurous too, and wanting to get on roller coasters, we'd made a goal to ride 10 roller coasters in three hours. So now it's like an adventure, like it's like, oh, this is fun. Like, we're trying to like reach a goal together. Um, and we've done a few like business deals, like they're the ones who helped me get the streamer on the boat, so it's like it's pretty cool, it's pretty cool, but I'm also not trying to be so much in my emotions where I try to make something more than what it is when it it's cool how it is.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, uh, it's interesting because so most girls when they're kind of college age, right? Status for guys is obtained kind of in a different way. So when you're in college, the frat boy, leader of the frat, the king of the frat, is like the cool guy with status, right? And so it's always a guy who's like one, two years older than you, and he drinks a bunch of beer and like has a backward baseball hat and like blah blah blah blah blah. But it's interesting because once girls kind of graduate past that stage, it's like they get out of college and then they all of a sudden the frat guy
Older Partners, Little Things, And Consistency
SPEAKER_00has no status anymore. If he's still the guy still drinking brew skis with the boys, all of a sudden he's not cool anymore. And what's ironically cool is the guys who are 10 years older that have their shit together and they're established and they're mature and they have intelligence and they can talk about things, and teach and actually lead in a direction that's not embarrassing as a woman.
SPEAKER_03Like I will say, dating at my age range is fun in a sense, because it's like that relatability of our maturity in a sense, but at the same time, you gotta be really careful letting someone so young lead you, especially me, because I'm learning to lead myself, like we were talking about representation, letting somebody like that represent you, they can really like humiliate you as a woman. Because as a woman personally, I would love to submit to my partner, you know. I don't want to wear the pants in my relationship, I already have to wear the pants everywhere else, so it's like letting somebody else, and that's maybe it's going down to the commitment thing we were talking about at the beginning, but letting somebody else lead you in that sense. I personally have to be very picky, and when I have dated a little bit older, it has been a little bit refreshing because they're not leading me in circles as much.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah. Most most girls, the most beautiful ones I found always date like anywhere from like five years to like 20 years older. It's like very common. And people from the outside, like my friends from Wisconsin, always assume like, oh, it's like a gold digger thing. I'm like, no, trust me, I've met these girls. These girls are like fall in love with these guys, not because they're rich. Yes, the the level of success is attractive because it means you're hardworking, it means you know how to um defer gratification to later, it means you're mature, it means you're intelligent, right? Right. But it's not, oh, this guy bought me a purse, so then I like him, but I don't really like him in most cases. I think there might be one percent that's actually true gold digger, where it's just like, yeah, I'm trying to get paid out here, but I think probably like 90% are girls that just like older guys, because we're just better.
SPEAKER_03I feel like you can always gauge that by the length of the relationship, too. If she's been with this older guy for over six, seven months, then she genuinely has an interest in him. But if it's like she's seeing this guy for a few months, she's probably just riding the wave of like their poor like you know, the honeymoon phase.
SPEAKER_00It's interesting too because for some reason we've like separated like liking a guy for his personality versus looks versus money versus like all these things. When in reality, we like people for a combination of all these things.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, it's like itemizing characteristics.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, so so there's very few people that just only like a guy for his money. It's like a combination of like, oh, he has like a great personality and he has money. And maybe he's not that good looking, but maybe those two things coincide, right? And and ironically, like girls will say that all the time as if it's like a flex if you like a guy for your connection or his personality. But ironically, I've heard way more girls break up with a guy because like they lost the connection or they lost the spark or whatever, than like, oh, he lost all his money. So ironically, like liking someone put partially for their money is actually almost a safer relationship for guys than oh, she just likes me because of my personality. Because girls will wake up one morning, spin around three times, clint their heels together, and just decide to not like a guy. It's like like like connection can people act like connections forever. Connection goes like this, like connection is very volatile.
SPEAKER_03As a woman, we really care about the little things. So if we've been with somebody and they really poured in the little things at the beginning, and they slowly start to retract it, as a man, you're probably not gonna notice because you're doing bigger things for her, but it's like the little gestures. Like, say you open the door for her for the first four dates, and on the fifth date, you don't open the door for her. She's gonna look like what the fuck? Sixth date, you don't open the door for her. Now you don't open the door for her anymore. You used to show up and like um you used to help her put her heels on, like just really random things that you would do at the beginning because you're really you really like this girl. So, like I say, for instance, the guy I'm talking to him washing my car. He probably did that because he really liked me at first. It was one of our first few times. So he still offers to wash my car. Like, he still, he still does, but um, in the sense, if he didn't really like Like me at first, he wouldn't be offering that. Like we had mentioned, it's a grand gesture. But okay, as a girl, I'm picking up to that. That's the standard. Like, okay, I like you because this is how you're approaching me. You start to like pull back, pull back. You're thinking, like, oh, like I've I've already washed this girl's car like seven times. Like, what do you mean? But in my head, I'm conditioned to that. That's what's one of the things that's like, oh, it's a little thing.
SPEAKER_00See, I agree with you, but then at the same time, I do think there is a level of like hyper um you are gonna do more for a girl in the courting phase. I think that is natural. Like, when I'm first dating a girl, it's like every date is like a nice restaurant or a nice whereas like three months in, there's gonna be a lot more of like let's just watch Netflix.
SPEAKER_03That's more of a big thing. Like, as a as a woman, I'm I'm I'm cool with that because I don't want to I don't want to break money at the bank at the bank every day either. Because then that means like we were mentioning it's a little bit of financial irresponsibility. We notice everything as girls, especially when we're really like dating somebody. And me, I I overanalyze sometimes a little too much. So it's like I kind of take it back to like the opening the car door thing. It doesn't necessarily have to be how much you're spending on her at first or like the grand gestures, that's a big thing. Um, you could say, Yeah, we did big big things at first, but I want to take you seriously, so let's just change big things to once a week, once a month. That's that's a communication. But if you're just sitting here like, here you
Vulnerability, Options, And Keeping Effort
SPEAKER_03go, princess, let me open the door. And then a week later, you're like, babe, yeah, let's get out. And then she just has to get herself out. Once those things slowly start adding up, first off, I don't want to say it, but as a girl, the girls understand if somebody else comes along doing that, they're gonna pick up the little things that they're doing, no matter how much money you're spending on them at these dates. If this guy is coming out and opening the door for her when you used to, and now you're not, but you're still taking her to the nicest steakhouses, but she's getting out the door herself when you used to open the door. Somebody else is opening the door for her and putting a mat down while she walks. Now she's gonna be like, oh wow, you know, and and that's that's where it comes, where they wake up sometimes, sometimes it it will be another guy. They they're reminded, like, I don't have and it it's it sometimes it's silly, but it is a buildup of small things, I'd say, like, to where they they either find somebody else who's like, okay, and then it it's over time. They might either really fall for this person or they might not, but it's a lesson for them, it's an eye-opener. So then they do wake up one day and they're like, I'm gonna just be single so I can be courted again. Or they just pull back so much that it's like, bro, you're just you just love bombed me at the beginning. And they start to see that there was love bombing, and they realize like it's just costing me more at this point to pretend that we're building something when I realize it was a f like a facade from the beginning.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I I agree with you that guys should keep up the little things, but I also think girls need to keep up the little things as well because there's a lot of girls all first couple dates. Oh man, full makeup, hair is done, looking cute, nice dress, and then three months in it's like sweatpants and like fucking what happened to your your hair looks crazy, your your makeup looks like it was applied with a shotgun, you know what I mean?
SPEAKER_03It's like after the date though, like I'll be all dressed up, but I'm gonna let somebody see me in my crazy look at least once or twice in the first few days so they can know like you're cool and all, but I don't live for your validation, so yeah, if some days I'm lazy, you're gonna see me lazy.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I think just like uh it just has to match. Like it's like okay, yeah. When you're like three months into a relationship, yeah, I'm not gonna take you out to catch every night for dinner, but also I don't expect you to like be full-blown makeup every time you see me. You know what I mean? It's like, okay, well, we kind of like, and then like every so often, you know, a couple times a month, we'll go out somewhere nice, and then you dress up and we have like something nice. Like it's okay.
SPEAKER_03It's beautiful building that vulnerability.
SPEAKER_00It has to be a good match, yeah.
SPEAKER_03But then I guess that seeds into us being in LA, and like you said, there being so many options, and then like you said, going out at 3 a.m. and there being temptations, and we're in LA, so we all have that FOMO and we're young and shiny objects, and we all want to get something from somewhere. Like, so I feel like it doesn't necessarily help the environment that we're in because even if you're not thinking like that, you might be influenced by the people around you or the environments.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03So I do feel like it's fun getting to those points because I love going on the nice dates, but it's also really fun getting to know people intimately. It's like, okay, this is what you're like behind the mask. Like I was mentioning, industry friends versus real friends. Like, okay, we kind of like went out and did our like industry, like our honeymoon. Like, okay, this is who you really are. Um, but then it's also scary because you're vulnerable that you can end up in situations like you know, that that relationship number two. It's like, oh wow, like I don't want to date anymore.
SPEAKER_00But like I said, I'm I'm like you bounced back, so that's good.
SPEAKER_03Combination of book them busy over it, and I guess being introduced to somebody who it was like placed around me that was a polar opposite, but they aren't expecting too much from me. So it's not like I just like rebounded into this thing, and now I'm like overly committing to somebody just because it's infatuate, you know. It's like it's it's like okay, like this is like lukewarm water and this is cold water. But um at the end of the day, I'm focused on me. I've been focused on my music, making albums, onsets every day, and yeah, I quit my job in like July, so just been maintaining life.
SPEAKER_00Nice, awesome. Well, we're about
Focus, New Music, And Closing CTA
SPEAKER_00out of time, Jada. But do you want to give any social media shout-outs, any music stuff coming up? Uh go ahead and let the camera know, let the people know.
SPEAKER_03Um, I want to say thank you for having me again. I really appreciate it. This is the second go-around, so you guys should go watch the first one. Um, if you want to kind of like compare the progress. I do have a song coming out um shortly. I don't know if it'll be out when you drop this, but it comes out on June 6th. It's called That's On You. And the music video is coming soon. There's a whole story behind that, super fun. And you'll just have to see me on the screens. I've been on a bunch of verticals, TV shows, and movies, so yep.
SPEAKER_00Awesome. Well, round two is fun. We'll have to do round three sometime in a in a year or so.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, like two more years. There you go. Who knows? I might have like full brown hair or something. You never know.
SPEAKER_01Check on your progress.
SPEAKER_03Right. It's like I was super honored to come back here because it's like the familiarity we had our conversation two years ago. It's cool, like picking your brain a little bit too. You guys follow me at Jada Henley or check out my stuff, jadahenley.com.
SPEAKER_00Thanks for listening.