Unattainable Podcast Show

What If Happiness Matters More Than Forever? Ft. Kseniya & Linnebel - Ep.168

• Mohammad Molaei & Zach Evans • Season 4 • Episode 168

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Special thanks to Kseniya & Linnebel for being a part of this episode of Unattainable Podcast Show 

Two coaches and two hosts collide on what manifestation actually is, if motivation should come from anger or gratitude, and how love can last when people change. We push into Kundalini, aligned action, appreciation, and the real “bar” we all set in dating and marriage.

• Multiple bodies model of mindset, emotion, physical, and spiritual energy
• Kundalini as self-healing energy and clearing blockages
• Dark-side drive versus abundant gratitude as fuel
• Aligned action as the missing step in “manifesting”
• Luck reframed as readiness meeting opportunity
• From Bali leap to social media escape and identity shift
• Marriage as growth, not permanence, and staying friends after divorce
• Faith, values, and habits that sustain long-term partners
• Shared vision talks: goals, distance, and life design
• Gender roles, appreciation, and standards in modern dating
• The “bar” everyone sets and why success signals matter
• Loyalty versus lifestyle in a candid thought experiment

Yes: “My Instagram is at Linnabel… Soul Foods Amsterdam mushy coffee is my brand.” “My Instagram is Xania lower dash burn… That’s where you find all my work.” 

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Opening, Guests, And Star Signs

SPEAKER_05

We have multiple bodies. We have the mental body, the emotional body, we have the physical body and the spiritual body. So I'm also using kundalini energy and kundalini is your life force energy and we all have it inside of our bodies. It's rolled up at the bottom of your spine and it's kind of sleeping with most people. Some people have a spontaneous awakening, but most people don't. So when this energy releases, it starts to go up and down the bottom of your spine, and it's a self-healing energy.

SPEAKER_01

I was like really broke in like high school and everybody made fun of me and I was like, f guys. Like I told my inner child, like, go f yourself and tell the universe, go f yourself. Because the universe kept putting shit in my way. I was like, I'm gonna make it happen myself. Every time you stop and enjoy it, my enemies get one step closer to the throne.

SPEAKER_05

I always visualize myself living a free life, traveling the world, always in sunny places, palm trees, just freedom and only people around me that love and support me instead of like this negative drama.

SPEAKER_00

In my mind, when I hear manifest something, it means like, oh, universe, can you send me, I don't know, like a million dollars, and then you got it like out of nowhere. But listening to you manifestation is something like you're changing your mindset.

SPEAKER_05

If you are in a negative mindset, you're depressed, you only think about negative outcomes, the world reflects negative outcomes back to you.

SPEAKER_00

As long as they're like some some fuel inside of you, then you bring something into the world.

SPEAKER_03

There's a combination of hard work that a person can do, but without that part of the luck that may that that would sort of push him across the line, you wouldn't really get there.

SPEAKER_00

From the perspective of staying married to the same person, is that the goal? Or the goal is like to be happy, but to respect another person who may spend those years together. It's all about how you see your life and what makes you happy and not divert other people.

SPEAKER_01

Welcome to Unattainable, glad to have you with us. I'm your host, Zach Evans, along here with my co-host Mohammed Molai. And first of all, thank you to all of our listeners. We've been getting a ton of growth and engagement over the past few weeks, so we gotta thank you guys all out there for that. Today we got a couple special guests on the show. Why don't you guys go ahead and introduce yourself to the audience? Um, name what you do and your star sign. And we'll start with you.

SPEAKER_00

So uh where am I looking

Defining Manifestation And Energy Bodies

SPEAKER_00

at? They're right there. So my name is Xenia Bernhardt, I'm a makeup artist, and I'm Capricorn.

SPEAKER_05

Amazing. I am Lynn oh, I look there. Sorry. My name is Linnabel, and I am a spiritual coach. I teach manifestation and I'm also an energy healing, and I develop programs for women to release trauma and blockages from their bodies so they are more aligned and to manifest their dream life, basically. That's so cool. And star sign? Oh, I'm a Taurus. Taurus? Yes, and a manifest in human design. I don't know if you know about that.

SPEAKER_01

Alright, so we're gonna be best friends, Capricorn. Um the best one. What do you mean?

unknown

It's core.

SPEAKER_01

Smart, funny, attractive, smart, funny, and attractive, even my mom said, so it's true. Uh Pisces.

SPEAKER_00

Bises, okay.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I never get along with Taurus. No? Yeah. I don't know if you're gonna be an energy dealer. You're gonna get the toxic energy into all your people.

SPEAKER_05

The toxic?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05

No way. No. I'm actually a double Taurus. I'm a really, really Taurus, but I'm the nicest one you will ever meet. Okay.

SPEAKER_01

I'll take your word on it.

SPEAKER_00

What do you mean double Taurus? How is that double Taurus?

SPEAKER_05

Like sun and moon.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, really? Both in Taurus? That's crazy.

SPEAKER_01

Okay, so for your star signs and your manifestation and all these things, how do you think it works on a metaphysical level? Or do you believe that it's like a motivation type of thing that helps you achieve things because you're motivated and you're thinking about it all the time?

SPEAKER_05

So, how it works, we have multiple bodies. We have the mental body, the emotional body, we have the physical body, and the spiritual body. And the mental it definitely helps. Um, if you look at therapy, you know, you're really focused on the mental, which helps you to create awareness. But if you want to manifest, you have to manifest from like a clear space, and we hold energy in all these bodies. So when someone has a blockage, it's it literally gets stored in the physical body too. So everything that's not meat or bone, there's space where we can hold energy, and for women, especially around the womb, under the hips, it can be under your ribs, anything that's like soft that we can hold energy. Okay, so yeah, it's definitely in in in the physical and in the spiritual realm, it's all together.

SPEAKER_01

Okay, so you have this energy, and is it you're trying to harness this energy? Is it try you're trying to release it so you can use it to accomplish things or

Kundalini, Blockages, And Self-Healing

SPEAKER_01

yeah?

SPEAKER_05

So basically we all have so I'm also using Kundalini energy, and kundalini is your life force energy, and we all have it inside of our bodies, but it's kind of rolled up at the bottom. Oh, sorry, it's rolled up at the bottom of your spine, and it's kind of sleeping with most people. Some people have this um uh how do you say that? A spontaneous awakening, but most people don't. So when this energy releases, it starts to go up and down the bottom of your spine, and it's a self-healing energy, so it takes out all the limiting beliefs and blockages that you have, basically.

SPEAKER_01

Interesting. And so all this stuff is only works for girls or it works for guys?

SPEAKER_05

No, no, no, it works for everyone. For guys, yes. I just I just focus on women now, but before I was giving like group and private to both men and women.

SPEAKER_01

Because I've seen manifestation work for girls all the time. Like it's crazy. They'd be like, private jet, private jet, private jet. Boom, they're on a private jet. Like automatically, right? For guys, I've the only time I've seen a guy in a private jet, it's like work for 25 years, like like ignore your wife and kids because you're too busy working, and then maybe at the end of that, then finally you get on a private jet. Where girls is like 1 DM, instant boom, you're on a private jet, and you can evolve it.

SPEAKER_05

That everything in your life now is what you manifested, because manifestation happens all the time. It's just from which energy are you manifesting? From like a place of gratitude or a place of anger and fear. Because the universe is a reflection of how you are, who you are, and your vibration, your energetic vibrational blueprint. Okay, so you are successful, you have all successful, you know, YouTube channels. So you manifested that through you believe your belief system, you believed in yourself, you believed you had this magnetic desire of you wanted to accomplish this. So the desire combined with the belief system believing in yourself that you are worthy of receiving this, that's what makes you successful. So you already manifesting.

SPEAKER_01

But here's the thing you're not gonna have this. I use reverse manifestation. Yeah, like have you ever seen Star Wars?

SPEAKER_05

Uh actually, no.

SPEAKER_01

Okay, so in Star Wars, there's like the force, right? And then I heard about it.

SPEAKER_04

There's like the light side of the force, which is like, oh, everybody's happy, yay, right?

SPEAKER_01

Yes, and then there's the dark side of the force, which is like they can shoot lightning out of their fingers, they're like super powerful, right?

SPEAKER_05

Dark fader, I heard about the dark fader, yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_01

Like the badass ones. So when I manifested success, I used the dark side of the force. Like it wasn't like it wasn't like, oh, I can't wait to be so successful. Money, money, money, success, right? I was like really broke in like high school and everybody made fun of me. And I was like, fuck you guys. Like, I told my inner child, like, go fuck yourself, and told the universe, go fuck yourself because the universe kept putting shit in my way. And I was like, fuck you, I'm gonna make it happen myself, you know what I mean? Yes, so I use that as motivation. Like, like, like, I think sometimes your inner child holds you back, and you need to like put your inner child in its place, you know, so it can't fucking stop you anymore, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_05

Is it your inner child, or is it the beliefs that your parents or your environment gave you? Did your inner child believe in yourself from the start, or is it because of others imprinting things that made that your inner child believe that so so the way me and my inner child work is we got mad at

Does Manifestation Differ For Men And Women?

SPEAKER_05

each other, right?

SPEAKER_01

I was like, fuck you, I'm gonna do this myself, right? But then every time, like I'd be like at the gym, right? And I'd be trying to like lift some heavy weight, and my inner child would be my spotter. And he'd be whispering in my ear, you know, be whispering, he'd be like, Zach, don't be weak like last time, and it would help me lift the weight.

SPEAKER_05

Okay, that's amazing.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, we all have our own ways, you know, to motivate yourself. And if this works for you, this works for you. I'm not saying like it has to be come from this amazing loving place. If you like tough love, you know, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Then your inner child is a tough, tough guy.

SPEAKER_01

And this is why I asked for does it work for guys, right? In my opinion, I think a lot of stuff therapy and healing and like manifestation and stuff. I think it works, it can work for girls.

SPEAKER_05

It's such a limiting belief.

unknown

It is.

SPEAKER_01

I think for guys, it's like you gotta like man up at some point because like nobody is coming to save you as a guy, right? Like, like, like there's no DM for a private jet. There's no like this person will help you out because they just want to. It's like you have to like figure that shit out. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_05

Everyone is capable of attracting their desires from a place of love and gratitude. That's what I believe. Okay, also men. And I taught this to my husband, and his business has been like five times more revenue since we worked together because he had limiting beliefs and we worked on it. Interesting. He thought that he had to work really hard, and he always said, like, I will always be the one that drags everything over the finish line, and it always like has to be hard and this energy that like most men have. Uh-huh. And I was like, Why can't it can you just dance over the finish line and have fun with it? And like, you know, get this like harsh energy off it and start living more in like abundance, and you know, it's it's what you believe is what you create. So if you believe it has to be hard, it's going to be hard.

SPEAKER_01

I just feel like every time you stop and enjoy it, my enemies get one step closer to the throne. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_05

And this is what he also says. He says, every time I feel like I'm successful for a moment, he gets scared to lose it. He gets scared that something bad is happening. And that fear is going to make that happen if you believe that that's gonna happen.

SPEAKER_01

Oh no, no, the fear makes you be like, okay, I gotta stop smelling the flowers and get the fuck to work. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_05

I'm not saying you have to stop working.

SPEAKER_01

Like, okay, let me let me tell you a story. When I was five years old, right? I'm riding my bike around town, I'm a kindergartner, fell off, and I like scraped my knee, and I and I come inside, I'm like, Daddy, my knee hurts. Wham wham like crying, right? What did he say? And he looked at me and he goes, Man up, good thing you're tough, just walks away. But but but it was such like a genius thing

Dark-Side Drive Versus Grateful Flow

SPEAKER_01

to say because in a way he was giving me a compliment. Good thing you're tough, right? So I can't be mad at him, but he was also in those four words telling me, Hey Zach, like life is going to be challenging, you're going to be stressed, you're going to be hurt, but you're a man. You gotta figure out how to solve the problem. Nobody is coming to your rescue. I'm not gonna say, Oh, little Gen Z, little boo-boo, let's go ride bird scooters and talk about our feelings, right? It's like it's time to man up and fix the problem. So I feel like as a guy, you have to live on that edge, that dark side. Otherwise, it's just like if if I'm crying and then my wife is crying, then like who's gonna fix the problem? You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_05

Um, yeah, dark side sounds so negative, cool and edgy. But if you like the dark side, then I yeah, support you.

SPEAKER_01

Okay, okay, okay. What are what are um some things you've manifested in your life?

SPEAKER_05

Uh I I come from far. Like I was just, you know, a girl living in Holland, which is super depressing because it's always rainy and cold. I didn't have any self-esteem. I didn't think I was capable of anything. I was working at a snack bar, just selling fries on local markets, and I was just daydreaming all day of a better life. And I went to school and I I hated all of it. I was just really not happy. I was happy to the outside world, but inside I was like, you know, my parents got divorced. There was always family drama. I was like, this is not life to me, you know. Why are people so mean to each other? Why is everyone just grumpy and depressed and I don't know, doing things they don't love? So I always visualized myself living a free life, traveling the world, always in sunny places, palm trees, just freedom, and only people around me that love and support me instead of like this negative drama. And yeah, I at some point manifested that for myself. I created a life full of everything I wanted.

SPEAKER_01

Okay. That's amazing. I'm like seriously, like coming from that and and working yourself up. But I guess my question for you is why do you give the universe credit for that? I feel like you should take credit. Like, I'm sure you worked really fucking hard. You're selling fries on the side, what are you selling fries on the side of the road? Or something?

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, like in some like, you know, some food truck.

SPEAKER_01

Like when the cars are coming up and you go up to their window and like knock, like, here's some fries like that. No, no, no.

SPEAKER_03

Like one of those like carts.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, yeah. So you're selling fries, you probably have like some weird ass fucking hat on and like fries, hey everyone.

SPEAKER_04

Luckily, they're not as bad as you hear, no sweater, which yes.

SPEAKER_01

That's great because you have like a uh you have like a origin story, you know what I mean? Like it's like you weren't just born rich, you had to like figure this shit out and become successful, right? Yes, but then between that, I'm sure you worked extremely hard at your craft and what you do to become successful, yeah.

SPEAKER_05

Of course, you have to do a lot of self-work. Because I if if I would have stayed in my limiting beliefs, then I would never come out of that snack bar, right? If I believe my parents' beliefs and whatever everyone else was saying to me. Which was one that life is tough, and this is just life, and like you know, one holiday a year, and you just have to work a nine to five job, and you have to do this and this and that. And I was like, no, it's not like that. You know, I I had my own dreams and I followed them, and I broke free out of the matrix. Um, so yeah, I'm really happy about that.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, no, it's it's it's good, uh it's the same way for me. Like, I grew up in Wisconsin, which is probably culturally very similar to where you're from. It's very much, yep, you know, you go to high school and then you work doubles at the dirt factory just to make us meet for 40 years.

SPEAKER_05

This accent.

SPEAKER_01

And then you like, and then you like like make a casserole and then you fucking die, and that's it, you know?

SPEAKER_03

And like, like maybe died because of the casserole.

SPEAKER_01

And like if you're really adventurous, maybe you tell your grandkids that one time where you had a crazy uh vacation in Indiana and you like tried sushi once, and that's it. Like, that's your adventure, right? But it's like, okay, so so but what gave you the like mental clarity and the adventurousness to be like, nah, fuck you guys. I'm gonna go live my life. I'm gonna go say, Yes, this is a risk, it's scary, it's exciting in the moment, but like I'm going to leave everything behind, whereas everybody

Breaking Free: Bali, Social Media, And Mindset

SPEAKER_01

else stayed in their safe little corner and didn't want to move move away.

SPEAKER_05

So the first step was I was in um university and I had the uh opportunity to do my internship abroad, and no one else wanted to do it, and I was like, fuck it, I have the chance to leave this country, I'm going. So I went to Bali for eight months by myself. I'd never been there before, and I just decided to do that, and that was the first step of like oh, I'm doing this, you know, I'm breaking out of my my little world. Um, but it took a while, like, well, actually in Bali, I also started Instagram, and because I wanted to update my family, like what I was doing all the time, but I didn't want to text everyone. I was like, I have Instagram, I use this as my diary, and I'll upload pictures every day. I bought a nice camera, and I will write a story what I did that day. So that's how I got into social media. And I got noticed by a big brand, it was a soccer brand in Holland, and they asked me to take some pictures with their stuff, so I started doing stuff like that, and within a few months I gained like a lot of followers doing that. And yeah, that was actually social media was my way out. It was like uh I started to collaborate with a lot of brands creating content for them. I started modeling, um, and yeah, that was that those were the first steps actually.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, yeah. Good for you. Good for you.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, do you believe in manifestation?

SPEAKER_00

In manifestation, I I I think I don't understand clearly what you mean by manifestation because in my mind, when I hear manifest something, it means like, oh, the universe, can you send me, I don't know, like a million dollars, and then you got it like out of nowhere. But listening to you, uh, manifestation is something like you are changing your mindset. Yes. So it's it's more like inner, deep, deep inner work on yourself rather than manifestation.

SPEAKER_05

No, it's more like Yeah, like the first thing you say that's that most people they're like, oh, I manifest, I want something, I get it. No, it's like a whole system around it, right?

SPEAKER_00

Like, well, in that yeah, I'm sorry, in that system I do believe, but like manifestation, how all other people think that like I want something and I manifested it, that's probably not yeah, it's a combination of a really like I call it magnetic desire.

SPEAKER_05

You really want something, but not from a place of ego, but from the place of the heart and the soul. I believe when you are in alignment and you rewired your belief system in a way that you receive abundance in every way, then you get into a flow, and you yeah, then you manifest really fast. You can literally jump timelines if you're in that flow.

SPEAKER_01

Alright, I gotta teach you all about dark side manifestation. This shit is so much more powerful. So, one time, right? Uh, my girlfriend at the time, she'd always wanted to go to Europe, right? She always she like did modeling, she wanted to like go to Paris and Milan and like see the fashion centers of the world. So I was like, I really want to take her there, right? So I sit there, I'm like, okay, I'm manifesting, I'm you know, speaking to the universe, like all these things. And then I go on my computer and I type in flights to Europe, and then I put in my credit card, instantly manifested a trip to Europe in like two minutes, in two minutes. It just like boom, now I'm in Europe. Now we're like traveling around, right? This shit works so much better than just the normal manifestation.

SPEAKER_04

Okay. I'm happy for you.

SPEAKER_01

Okay, so like do you consider that manifestation, or is that just doing things? You know what I mean? That's why I always get confused about manifestation. I'm like, they manifest it, or did they just like they're step one, step two, step three, and they did all the steps, and now they're successful, you know?

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, it's in a way. You r kind of tell yourself that you're already are or already have it. You know? And wait, what was the question starting? So yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

So is it like I guess it's kind of kind of what she was asking, but like, does is it like the universe is giving it to you, or is it like No, you're not.

SPEAKER_05

You reflect what you are.

SPEAKER_01

Okay.

SPEAKER_05

So it's a direct reflection of you. Okay. So if you are in a negative mindset, you're depressed, you only think about negative outcomes, the world reflects negative outcomes back to you, and it will

Alignment, Gratitude, And Aligned Action

SPEAKER_05

only get worse and worse. But you can choose to like change your state and go back to gratitude because when you're in a state of gratitude, you can't feel fear, you can't feel anger at the same time, you can't feel sadness. You only feel gratitude, which is the energy of already having everything you desire. And when you have that energy of having it all, then the universe is gonna reflect back to you that you have it all. And then it starts to shift things in your favor of receiving it. But there's still this one step that a lot of people are missing, and that is aligned action.

SPEAKER_03

Interesting.

SPEAKER_05

You know?

SPEAKER_03

Why why don't you believe in manifestation?

SPEAKER_00

Well, I think I just don't understand the definition of manifestating because what she's talking about that I agree on. When you like live in the when you walk into the room and you're like happy and I don't know, uh confident, and people can read you right away. But if you are like all grumpy and like sad and upset, it it also like people notice that and they don't want to reach you out or less want to leave to reach out less, right? So in these uh situations, and yes, manifestation if you are just like up you're speeping your spirit up, yeah, that works. Does it make sense what I'm saying? Sure, yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, I mean that's more of the energy that you that you put out.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, so maybe I'm just confused with the definition.

SPEAKER_01

I still think it's different for guys and girls because like to me it's the opposite. Like, now I have like good self-esteem and I'm like a well-adjusted like member of society and I'm like happy and feel good about myself, but I got way more shit done when I was fucking angry. Like when I was in a state of like fuck everybody, like I manifested way more shit in my life, and actually sometimes I miss those days, like I miss the days where just for the fire, you know what I mean? And I'm like, I still have good habits and I still do things to be successful, but I miss the days where I was just pissed, so pissed at the world that I was like, I'm gonna outwork everybody. Yeah, like I need to like channel the inner demons sometimes.

SPEAKER_00

I think as long as they're like some some fuel inside of you, then you bring something into the world and yeah, but I just come from a place of anger, but you should it come from a place of purpose, right?

SPEAKER_01

What do you mean but what do you mean should? Not should, but because I feel like anger is like better fuel. Like you know what I mean.

SPEAKER_05

But you like anger, you like I kind of do. Well then that's yeah, yeah, that's how I do. I mean, I don't know, it just I just feel like that energy gets things done, but it's always in this tough way where you have to grind and this and I get it done, and like so much energy and like physical things to make it happen. And when you come come from a place of like abundance and receiving, you just you know, you think about something that you want, and you meet a person that has what you want or can bring you closer to it and gives you better deals that will give you the same amount of money, but without just like hustle and grind, you know. You make just a deal of of uh yeah, the same money but with less effort and more flow.

SPEAKER_03

It sounds like what you believe in is a version of manifestation that allows you to sort of channel your energy towards what otherwise would be considered as luck. Yes, because there's a combination of hard work that a person can do, but without that part of the luck that may that that that would sort of push him across the line, you wouldn't really get there.

SPEAKER_04

Yes, exactly.

SPEAKER_03

And so what you believe in is that putting yourself in the mindset of creating that luck for yourself that then the universe would give back to you.

SPEAKER_05

Yes, exactly. Yeah, I can give you an example. Like I

Luck, Flow, And The 10K Invisalign Story

SPEAKER_05

wanted to become a Kundalini teacher, and I was not as wealthy, and I it was 10k to do that, and I didn't have that. And I got an offer for an Invisalign brace, you know, these braces? And um, I wanted to have that, and it's maybe that's like 4,000 to get, and then I asked for a collaboration, and they said yes, and I was already happy to get just the braces, you know. So I said, No, I don't need any other money. If you give me the braces, I'm happy. And they're like, No, we want to give you an offer, like tell me what you want. And I was like, No, I don't need money, I just want the brace, I'm happy. And then they're like, Okay, then we will give you an offer, and it was exactly 10k, which I needed to do this course, you know. So, like things you cannot even imagine that they will happen, you know. Who's gonna tell you if you say I don't need money, here still you have 10k? Like, that's that I call that manifestation. That's like something magical that you don't expect, and comes in a way you you can't know, you know.

SPEAKER_03

That is a very good question. Why are two people out negotiating themselves? Why were you saying you don't want the money, and why were they saying they want to give you the money?

SPEAKER_05

That directly happens in this world.

SPEAKER_03

I know nobody ever said two of the worst business people on the planet.

SPEAKER_05

So, yeah, that doesn't happen. So then I was like, okay, this is a sign for me that I need to become a facilitator and go to Costa Rica and do this course, you know. So stuff like that.

SPEAKER_03

Interesting. How long have you been in the US? Um You said you were originally from Russia, from Moscow, yes. From Moscow. And then you moved to the US one?

SPEAKER_00

11 years ago.

SPEAKER_03

Okay. How did that all come about? Why did you want to move?

SPEAKER_00

Well, I had to move because I was married back then and my ha now ex-husband wanted to come here, so here I am.

SPEAKER_03

And why did you guys get a divorce if you don't mind talking about it?

SPEAKER_00

No, I don't mind. It's just like we were married for 14 years, and you know, like after this like long marriage, you're not going different ways just because of one reason. It was just like one on top of another, and it was time just to go separate ways.

SPEAKER_03

Like I so my parents were married for, I believe, 18 years, and you know, they are a divorce for multiple different reasons. But um it it does happen often that a lot of marriages do fall apart after after you know a while, whether it's like five years, ten years, whatever it is. And one of the conversations that we have on the podcast with regards to marriage and like how it is in you know um in today's world is that they never last. So what's the point of getting married? You know, and so I I feel like you probably have that perspective of being married to somebody for 14 years and it not working. Do you feel that there would have been a way to make it work? Do you feel like you would have wanted it to work? Did you do you remember yourself being, you know, I don't know how old you were at that time, but like let's say you were 20 years old and thinking to yourself that this is gonna be forever, and then after 10 years realizing that it's not?

SPEAKER_00

So, what was the point of the whole experience? The question is the whole experience?

SPEAKER_03

The question is, yeah, the question is like what is it possible

Culture Shock, Beauty Standards, And LA Life

SPEAKER_03

to have a long-term forever marriage?

SPEAKER_00

Well, um well, first of all, nothing is forever, right? Nothing is guaranteed, but everything is an experience which you need for one or another reason in your life. Uh and by the way, like my now ex-husband and we divorced like nine or ten years ago, we are still like amazing friends. He lives in Indonesia, we're always in touch and like asking for advice for each other. So we did split up as a couple, as a man and a woman, because that like we were not supposed to go together, but we stayed in each other's life, and it just like transformed our relationship from marriage to I don't know, friendship or brotherhood or whatever. That's beautiful. So, like uh from the perspective of staying married to the same person, is it the goal? Or the goal is like to be happy, but to respect another person whom you spend those years together and just keep relationship going just in a different in a different dimension. I don't know how to say it, yeah.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

So when you got married, do you now that you look back, do you think that the marriage from the beginning was to the wrong person?

SPEAKER_00

No.

SPEAKER_03

So the marriage was right, yes, but you two just changed over time.

SPEAKER_00

Yep.

SPEAKER_03

Do you think that there was a way to change so that you would stay together?

SPEAKER_00

Well, now looking back, yes, probably, but if both sides would work in the same direction, yeah, it it was possible. But it didn't happen that way.

SPEAKER_01

And I think too, there's like uh because I hear people say this all the time as if like relationships are defined by if they last forever or if they work out or whatever. But it's like okay, if you go on like a four-month trip to Europe, right, and you backpack all over and you have this amazing experience and it's so much fun, and then after those four months you come back to how your life was before, it's like, would you say, like, oh, I regretted that trip to Europe because I had to come back? Or would you be like, no, I had an amazing experience in Europe, I had a lot of fun, there's ups and downs. It was a great time, I have stories to tell. I have like, I lived my life, and now I'm just back at the life that I had before the vacation anyway. So it's like if you get in a relationship and if it doesn't work out, I feel like it's like, okay, but at least I experienced this relationship and got to have these great times in my life and got to have everything that life has to offer, even if it ends up going back to where you were before.

SPEAKER_00

Well, yeah, I agree with you. I mean it's it's all about a it's all about probably how well you know your yourself and what are your priorities. So you can make choices based on based on that. And so so you are not going to have regrets because you did something spontaneous, and I don't uh it's just it's it's all about how you see your life and what makes you happy and not to hurt other people respect other people, I think, from my perspective.

SPEAKER_03

Do you see yourself getting married again?

SPEAKER_00

Sure. Now yes, but it took me 10 years.

SPEAKER_03

So for 10 years after your divorce, you didn't want to get married. No. Why is that?

SPEAKER_00

Well, I was exploring myself, I was enjoying my freedom, being just on my own.

SPEAKER_03

What does that mean, exploring your freedom?

SPEAKER_00

Well, I met my husband when I was 18. And so, yeah, my whole adult life I was with someone, and all of a sudden I was throwing into circumstances when I have to rely sol solely on myself. And it's a completely different experience, like because I was always like hardworking and ambitious and all of those things, but I always knew that there is someone next to me who can like if something's going to happen, I have him. But now I'm in a different

Marriage, Divorce, And Redefining Success In Love

SPEAKER_00

country, I'm all on my own, there is no one to support me. It's like it's an interesting experience.

SPEAKER_03

So at 32 years old, you become divorced. Yeah. Did you did you find it difficult to I guess feel like you're gonna make it?

SPEAKER_00

I still have this fear. For sure, of course. But no, I I know that everything is gonna be good.

SPEAKER_03

And was it was it hard were you dating at at all? Or like were you okay. Yeah. And was it did you did you feel like did you ever blame yourself or your husband for sort of taking your youth?

SPEAKER_00

No, of course not. Okay. No, it was I was very happy during those years. And I'm grateful in your 30s, you mean?

SPEAKER_03

Like during the marriage.

SPEAKER_00

During the marriage, got it. During the marriage, and after marriage, too. It was just a different type of happiness. Yeah. Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_03

Okay, interesting. Um, and you're currently married. How long have you guys been married?

SPEAKER_05

Just one year.

SPEAKER_03

Ah, okay.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Are you worried this is gonna happen to you?

SPEAKER_05

No.

SPEAKER_03

Why is that?

SPEAKER_05

Because we've been through so much in such a short amount of time that we already proved so much to each other. And I believe we have a very shared mission in this world in this lifetime that we're working on. And yeah, I really do believe we were supposed to be together and work together on a higher purpose.

SPEAKER_03

But see, that's that's my point, right? Like, I'm sure she believed the same thing when they got married. I'm sure everybody does when they get married. You know, everybody tells themselves that oh, we're soulmates and we're supposed to be together and like we love each other, and like, you know, we've been through so much, and I'm sure ten years pass by and she was like, We've been through so much together. Why isn't this working out? You know, right? That's true.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, you can never predict the future, of course. Like, I believe that we we can and we'll grow all together, but yeah, you don't know how much you're gonna change in ten years. That's true. That's true.

SPEAKER_03

It's interesting what I've noticed with a lot of people who tend to stick to their marriage for a very long time, you know, 40 years, 50 years, is um most of them are religious, and most of them are very, very um committed to their faith, to a point that I personally think it's delusional, but you know, that's just my opinion. That they they think that you know, if they if they didn't make it work, and if they didn't um try to stay together for as long as possible, that even the thought of divorce is a sin.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05

That's crazy to me.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah. No, I do, I like I'm so connected to my feelings and my intuition and my self-worth. So if things would change in a way that I don't feel respected or worth like, you know, if if things would change in a way that I don't feel it's gonna benefit our lives, that we don't add value to each other's lives anymore, then of course I don't think it's worth it to stay in something that doesn't make you happy because that's not gonna give you any good results in life, I think. Or not fulfillment at least.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, but but it's interesting that I've noticed that people who have that sort of a mentality, most of the time non-religious uh individuals, versus the ones who do have that sort of a mentality that are religious individuals, value something at a higher power than them, versus people who don't have that belief system value themselves as the higher power individual. And so your happiness at that point is more important than the other person who believes in God's happiness that's more important. And so what ends up happening is this person who believes that God would punish them or would be unhappy with them. They live in fear exactly, it it's sort of yes, but but also sort of put themselves second to that mission, versus people who don't have that belief system and that faith put themselves first and their own happiness first. And and and you know I don't think either one is good or bad, but I do believe that sometimes you could end up living in a very unhappy state of mind for a very long time because of what you believe in.

How Long Relationships Last: Faith, Values, And Growth

SPEAKER_05

Yeah. I mean I I've met some people that are not religious and have been together for 40, 50 years, and I did talk to them about like how do you do it and what is the secret, you know. And I think everyone every seven to ten years is changing so much, and I think the people who stay together are the ones that put effort to get to know the new version of their partner over and over again, and put effort to like, you know, make it work for the both, like care about each other's happiness, give each other space to evolve and to grow and see how you can grow together and like keep having these conversations and keep putting effort to like date nights and having fun together. I feel like a lot of people lose that at some point and then they're gonna search it with their friends or external other things, you know. But I think it's really powerful if you can keep having this conversation of what do you need and what do I need, and how can we make that work for the both of us, and how can I help you grow, and how can you help me grow? Like, yeah. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_03

And I think that's where it becomes the the way that you can make a marriage work for a very long time and and potentially forever, is if the higher power in your marriage is your partner, you know, if both people look at the other person as the one who they should care about most, and their happiness becomes essentially their priority, then assuming that both people are giving each other the same amount of effort to make sure that they communicate and make sure that they give each other the most they possibly can, yeah, then you extend the life of that relationship for as long as possible because that other person is all you care about and their happiness is all you care about.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, definitely. And I think this relationship is so different for me because I lived in Ibiza and he was in Orange County, and we met at Burningman, and after that we separated, you know, it was long distance. He came to Ibiza for a month, we really fell in love, we really knew okay, we want to be together, but I had my whole life in Europe and he had his whole life here. So it was like, okay, we had to have these very deep conversations about how do you see the rest of your life? What is your vision? What are your ambitions? What are your goals? And that's a conversation I think I never really had that deeply with my ex-partners because it was more casual, and you just start hanging out and you have a date here and you party there, but like those conversations came way later, and I realized that it's so important to have those conversations in the beginning if you have the intention to have a relationship, because yeah, that's actually what matters most, right? What is the future vision? How does that align with my vision? And I think that's a really interesting part that I never had before. To like, I had to move to a completely to the other side of the world, you know, for this person. So I was like, I need to know for sure. Sure, if this is what I want and if it it aligns with our goals together.

SPEAKER_03

So why do you think a lot of I've I've noticed this with obviously like we have a lot of women um guests here, but why do you feel that a lot of women nowadays feel stuck?

SPEAKER_05

Uh it can be different things. Uh a lot of them are just disconnected from their soul purpose. Um their nervous system is not regulated. Um the system is very masculine energy, you know, and women are yeah, in this too and trying to be what men are doing, and it's beautiful, but it's also yeah, they're kind of losing their feminine energy. Um it can be, you know, conditioning from society, from parents, it can be even like you know, intergenerational because women have been silenced for so long. We we couldn't speak our truth, or

Shared Vision, Distance, And Choosing A Partner

SPEAKER_05

you know, yeah, women were like less before. So it's also kind of still in our DNA to like not feel worthy to express, you know, a lot of blockages on their throats. So yeah, that's what I noticed most.

SPEAKER_03

Interesting. Do you feel that you had a massive cultural difference when you moved? Uh-huh. Huge. Uh huh.

SPEAKER_00

Like huge. I like it's it feels I do remember the day when I stepped first in New York out, and it was right away that like I'm on a different planet. And longer I lived here, more I could feel it. It was the difference is uh like overwhelming.

SPEAKER_03

What specifically?

SPEAKER_00

Uh everything is starting like uh how people think, how people talk, how people react, what what are what what are trends in makeup as well. So like I need to adjust my needed to adjust myself very carefully on on each layer of the life.

SPEAKER_01

My Russian friends are always like Americans are so ugly. You go to Russia, every girl is beautiful, you come to America fat. Russia I don't know. I live in Los Angeles, everyone is beautiful here.

SPEAKER_03

Well, especially because you do makeup, you do deal with a lot of people.

SPEAKER_00

I work with the most beautiful people, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Someone had a good point. I think the reason America gets a bad rap for people being like ugly is not because people are ugly, it's just people like eat too much food and the food's bad here. And I'm like, you would be really hot if like you like were a little bit skinnier for a lot of people.

SPEAKER_03

People don't take care of themselves. And I think one of the things that I've noticed, it was very interesting actually. So I went to when I was in Kyiv, um, when you walk out, nobody's walking around in like sweats and like flip-flops and like any of these things. And like one of the one of the interesting things that I had noticed, and this is like what I love about my wife, is like anytime she steps out of the out of the house, regardless of where she's going, she would just like she'll she'll she'll get ready, you know. And then the other day, she was like, um, she was like where she was like wearing sweats. And then I knew we were about to leave. I was like, oh, like how long do you need to get ready? She goes, she goes, oh, like, you know, let's just go. And I was like, you're gonna go like this? And she goes, What do you mean? I was like, oh, I just I don't know. I just feel like you always like get ready. She goes, you know, it's just fucking LA, it's like rubbing up on me. And it was like it's so true.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, I had the same. Like in LA, actually, I started dressing up more again because there's so many red carpet events and this and that. But when I was in Orange County, I was just in sweats all the time. It was crazy. Like, nobody cares about fashion on the streets, and like, yeah, in the industry, there's a lot of beautiful people, but when you walk the streets, oh yeah, no, nobody gives a shit. They're all in onesies and crocs and you're like, what the fuck is that?

unknown

For real.

SPEAKER_03

Do you feel that you've you've changed a lot from the person that you used to be when you were in Russia?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, absolutely, of course. Even though like I've never belonged kind of never belonged to to Russia, like my mentality. Um when I moved here, I realized how square-minded I was on many different topics.

SPEAKER_05

Like, yeah, you get kind of brainwashed there, right?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_05

It's like dictating.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, and now when I see like people coming from from Eastern Europe and they are just like new here, and they're talking on different like topics about freedom or whatever, and I'm like, wow, you guys live in a different world.

SPEAKER_03

Oh, interesting. Do you feel that you um your your dating life is more difficult as

Feminine And Masculine Roles, Appreciation, And Ego

SPEAKER_03

a result of having been from there? Or do you or have you do you feel like you already changed a lot where you're on the same level as the expectations that go on here?

SPEAKER_00

Well what I expectations here.

SPEAKER_03

Well, for one, I feel like the the there's a lot of Eastern European women that um and I and I do think there's more Russian versus Ukrainians, but like for example, I mean they're they're essentially like the same culture for the most part, but I do think that the Russian women are more um the guy needs to take care of me no matter what, and I'm the queen of the world sort of mentality, you know?

SPEAKER_00

Well, Russia is a very used to be very patriarchy, right? So men in charge. That's that's how people grew up, right?

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, so right. So so in that sense, when you do meet a guy, first of all, I mean I don't know what your what your what your type is. Is it just like everybody or do you mostly go for everybody? No type at all, dude. I don't want to assume, but like what is your type?

SPEAKER_00

Uh my type, well, it's someone who of you mean like money-wise? Someone especially no, just in general.

SPEAKER_03

I mean, it could be whatever, you know. Is it like would you go first? Okay, physically, what is your type?

SPEAKER_00

Well, appearance do matter to me. Uh-huh. Like, I'm a visual person. Right. Of course.

SPEAKER_03

But does it matter what ethnicity they're they are, or can you like not necessarily know. Can they be Asian, they could be black, they could be white, they could be whatever. Yeah. It doesn't matter. So you don't have preferences towards just Eastern Europeans. No.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, no, of course not. Got it, gotta, gotta.

SPEAKER_03

In so okay, so that's the physical, and then the financial aspect of it, what is your type?

SPEAKER_00

No, he he he should be established. He should have a good career, so he's like confident on his own that he's like making money.

SPEAKER_03

Yes. Okay. Is it is there like a level is there is there a line where you say, okay, below that I'm not even gonna entertain it? Like if he's making fifty thousand dollars a year, it's not that I'm not gonna entertain it.

SPEAKER_00

It's just like I've been into situations with people, with guys, right? Uh-huh. When um I I I met one guy and we actually had were in a relationship for a couple years. Um, and he was a painter, an artist. Didn't make any money at all. But such a beautiful soul, and he was like so taking care of me and like always like you know, everything about me. And I fell for that greatly. And I supported him, he started making money, all of that. And once he reached the point when he felt like he's independent and kind of successful, that's when person changed majorly. And everything that was hidden because he was insecure about himself came came to the surface.

SPEAKER_02

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00

So, no, I'm not gonna date someone who is still insecure about himself.

SPEAKER_02

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00

And the amount of money he should be feel secure, it's up to him. I'm not I'm not waiting for the guy like to bring me the world and like now you don't have to work anymore, there you go. Because I'm I'm still gonna work, I'm still gonna do my stuff. But I need to know that he's this is very interesting to me.

SPEAKER_03

So he he started making money and he became more successful. And then and then he became more insecure, or he became more secure.

SPEAKER_00

More secure. More secure.

SPEAKER_03

Okay, and so what was he doing that was that was that that you no longer felt like you're with the same person? Like he wasn't taking care of you anymore.

SPEAKER_00

Well, he he was he all of a sudden wanted to be more to have more freedom that he didn't explore life. Uh-huh. He wanted to be in an open relationship. Kind of, yes. Got it, got it. Okay. Because now he had more options, I guess.

SPEAKER_03

Gotcha. Okay, that makes sense. And then and then you were like, fuck no. Well, basically, this is bullshit. Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00

No, you know, it's one thing after another. It's right. Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_05

I'm curious about you. You're married.

SPEAKER_03

Yes.

SPEAKER_05

For how long?

SPEAKER_03

Uh almost a year, actually. A year too? Yeah. Yeah. Almost a year. Our uh wedding anniversary is next month.

SPEAKER_05

Amazing. Amazing. And where's she from? Is she

Dating Preferences, Age Gaps, And Expectations

SPEAKER_05

She's from Ukraine. Ukraine.

SPEAKER_03

Ukraine. Yeah. She's Ukrainian. Yeah, so she but she's she's amazing. I I think one of the and and and you know, a part of like what I there is cultural differences, you know, in a lot of different ethnicities. And and that's just that's unavoidable, you know. Yeah. Um but I do think there is a baseline of how a person should be regardless of where they're from. And it's hard to find that. And one of those things is um being appear appear appreciative. And and I and I think a lot of women dependent on how much experience sort of they have or how much they are, uh, how how exposed they are to being hit on or, you know, uh when when uh being taken care of, um, they get used to a certain certain lifestyle, yeah, and they become very um jaded and uh as a result unappreciative towards the things that they would otherwise get. And one of the one of the sort of traits that I really loved about my wife when I met her was that it didn't matter how little the thing was that she was getting. She would she would thank you, she would make it seem like you gave her the world. And that to me was such a it, you know, it was it was crazy because I forgot how much I value that. You know, I had forgotten that that this is such an important trait to have.

SPEAKER_04

Yes.

SPEAKER_03

Because all the people that like, you know, over the years I had dealt with, or you know, the dates that I had gone on or any relationship, it just I you know that was no longer a part of the the the the relationship.

SPEAKER_05

No, it was just like taking for granted.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, everything was being taken for granted. And regardless of whether it was small or big, it didn't matter, you know. And so um from the very get-go, I I started to notice these like little things that she was doing, and she was like very feminine, which is also another thing that I feel like a lot of the today's um you know women are missing. Um she just she just sort of like brought back all these different traits that a woman should have, and and I and I just had forgotten that these these are important. Yeah, you know.

SPEAKER_01

I'm gonna I know why you found that though. Why is that? Because she's younger. Okay, so I always date. So so I typically date girls who are like a lot younger than me, right?

SPEAKER_05

Okay, and then people say, oh, it's a lot younger.

unknown

I don't know how to do it.

SPEAKER_05

How old are you?

SPEAKER_01

How old are you? What do you think? What do you think? I'm 34. Oh yeah. I'm 34.

SPEAKER_05

I'm 32, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Um, so I'll date anywhere from like 20, well, technically 19, I guess, to like maybe like 27, 28, right?

SPEAKER_04

Okay.

SPEAKER_01

And people think it's because, oh, well, you think younger girls are hotter, so then you go for younger girls. And that's true, yeah. But also, but also, if you take a 22-year-old out, you can go to Chick-fil-A and she'll be pumped. She'll be like, oh my god, I love Chick-fil-A, right? You take a girl who's like, like, I'm not saying you guys, but like, yeah, you take a girl who's like 30 to Chick-fil-A, she's like, What the fuck is this? You take a girl who's 30 to catch, she's like, Yeah, exactly. This is exactly what you should be doing. You take a girl who's 22 to catch, she's like, oh my god, my friends always post this on Instagram. Like, this is such an amazing place. Like, you get to feel like a man and you're like showing her the world, right? And there is some downside to that too, but I would rather feel like the man and deal with the downsides than the other way around. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_05

I mean, there's also girls with 28 that they're still great. There is, yeah, but they have all the experiences.

SPEAKER_01

It's hard to find, it's like you gotta be like Sherlock Holmes.

SPEAKER_03

You're like looking at it. I think it's hard to find regardless. You know, and even the example that you're saying that it's because of her age, it has nothing to do with her age. No, it has something to do with her age. I'm not saying experience mark. It is it is a part of the lack of the number of times she's been exposed to things. Yes, yes, sure. Yeah, yeah. But I don't think that would make a difference regardless. But because because you also have to look at the I mean, you and I know multiple people that are, you know, 19, 20 years old who are just who who expect the most and think that they they deserve the world and they're the queens of the world and you know they bring nothing to the table. So so you know, if if we knew know both within the same age range

Tests, Money Signals, And Modern Courting

SPEAKER_03

and they're just you know, they're just the way the way opposite of each other, that argument doesn't really stand. But yes, it does it does make sense that if you're less exposed to something, then you're less likely to become that thing.

SPEAKER_01

So it's just a trade-off. It's a trade-off. It's like so younger girls are more appreciative of things typically, right?

SPEAKER_05

Um, but also I know so many spoiled young girls right now. I mean, I feel like the more Instagram pops up, the more they get the DM of like they look 30, but they're 19. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Um but also like you have to do a lot more work in terms of like taking care of a young girl. And not even just like financially, but like little things. Okay, so like for example, um, I tend Do you like that? Yeah, kind of.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, you know you have this total hero syndrome, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

I'm a bit of a fixer.

SPEAKER_05

Which is you just want to feel needed. Yes. You need me.

SPEAKER_01

But it also I end up in relationships with girls who need fixing, which can not not always be the healthiest relationships.

SPEAKER_05

Why do you think you like that?

SPEAKER_01

Because it makes me feel like let me give you an example, right? So this one girl I dated, she was like 22, 23, right?

SPEAKER_04

Yes.

SPEAKER_01

Uh, worst driver in the history of mankind. And she drove she drove her dad's uh bright yellow Camaro. It looked like the uh Transformers, Bumblebee and Transformers. And this girl, uh like, like we went to Six Flags once, and like she drove, usually I drive, but like my car was in the shop. It was more like that was the scariest roller coaster when I was like to drive the Six Flags. Like this girl, she'd be the only Transformer that's more dangerous as a car than a robot. Oh my god. It'd be like, Watch out, she's turning back into Camaro, everybody run. Like it'd be like that, you know. Um so she calls me one day and she FaceTimes me and she's like freaking out. She's in tears. She's like, Zach, I just got in a car accident, I don't know what to do. And I'm like, babe, are you okay? Like, are you safe? And she's like, Yeah, like I'm safe, I'm fine, but like I don't know what to do. Like, do I get out of the car? What do I do? So I'm like, okay, you're gonna get out of the car, you're gonna get their insurance, you're gonna take a video of the situation, I'll handle everything. Like, you're covered by insurance, you're gonna be fine. So she calms down, gets out of the car, and out of the other car, this other girl gets up, and she's freaking out too. She's like, Oh my god, what's going on? And she's on the phone with her dad.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

So then they just put the phones on speaker and hold them next to each other, and I'm talking to her dad, like through the speaker phone, to like fix the problem, right? And so, on one hand, it's like it's annoying to have to, and then like you know, the then I'm like dealing calling insurance and like figuring out how to like fix everything. So it's annoying, but but it also she's appreciative of it, and it makes me feel like the man. I just want to feel like the man, you know, it's just not eventually it's about the appreciation, it's about it's about my ego, it's about my huge giant ego that needs constant struggle. It's not necessarily ego.

SPEAKER_05

So there's some things to fix in there. We can work on that.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, yeah, me and my therapist can work on that. Um, have you ever heard the saying, never hurt a woman's feelings and never hurt a man's ego?

SPEAKER_05

Yes.

SPEAKER_01

It's so true. It's just like we want like It's true. Uh and sometimes I think because girls have dealt with guys who like don't want to uphold the guy part of the equation. They don't want to pay for dinner. Oh, split C's, let's go have C's, like all this like bullshit that's going on. They don't open the car.

SPEAKER_05

That's what that's super Dutch splitting bills.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, your people, your people fucked it up for everybody. I grew up okay, I grew up very old school. So my dad was very chivalrous. He taught me, Zach, you know, you go out to dinner, you're paying for the bill.

Loyalty Versus Luxury: The Thought Experiment

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

You you are you walking on the sidewalk? Okay, you're walking on the car side. So if a car comes, you know, stop the car with one hand, protect my chick with the other hand, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, that's just masculine.

SPEAKER_01

Unless it's a G-Wagon, if it's a G-Wagon, you know, use the girl as a human shield, protect myself, then administer CPR. Either way, I'm still the hero. It's a win-win situation. Not all heroes wear capes. It's like that, you know. But um, where was I going with this? Your dad, your dad taught you. Yeah, so so so that way. So it's like, okay, if I'm willing to put all the guy masculine parts of the relationship, for example, like when we go to dinner, I want my girl to dress up and wear makeup. And I know like some girls are like, oh, why do you care what other people think? I'm like, yeah, because I want to look like the fucking man. I'm doing all these things for you. Like, I don't care about flowers. Like, I like the I who care I don't care about going to like an overpriced meal that that costs 10 times the amount of food because they put like Christmas lights up and like tricked you into thinking and they drizzled fucking chocolate sauce to make you think that this place is like special or something. But I do it because I know you care about it. So let me have what I want too. Like I just want to feel like the man, you know what I mean? So I think if both genders can just figure out like Okay, you want this, that's fine. I want this, that's fine.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, we both have our roles for sure.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05

And men are just a bit more simple like that. They just want to feel like the men.

SPEAKER_01

Men are just cavemen. We just want to sleep, fuck, and we're good. That's it, we're good. You know? You guys want us like you know, give you flowers, like take a living thing and rip it out of the ground and its life to prove our love for you.

SPEAKER_05

There's I'm not a not I'm a little bit of a thumbboy. I used to like be like super thumbboy. One of the guys. I'm not a girly girl.

SPEAKER_01

You don't like flowers?

SPEAKER_05

I love them, but the same, like, they just die in a few days anyway. So I feel like it's sad.

SPEAKER_01

I actually really love flowers, but not for the reason you think. I use it as a tactical move to get intel on the girl that I'm dating. So check this out. I'm gonna put you guys on some game right now.

SPEAKER_04

So okay.

SPEAKER_01

Okay. So here's what you do. Let's say, like, I'm dating a girl, it's been a couple weeks. I want to find out if she's still talking to other dudes, right? So I'll go on a website, I'll buy flowers for her. But on the little note, instead of saying from Zach, I just put a smiley face. Just a little smiley face. And then when she gets the flowers, if she texts me, oh my god, thanks for the flowers, how did she know it's from me? I'm the only guy she's dating. But if she doesn't text me, it means she doesn't know which of the dudes she's hooking up with got her the flowers. Oh my god. And now she's trapped. So I kind of like use the flower to my advantage.

SPEAKER_05

What if she thinks it was her mom?

SPEAKER_03

Then I mean that would be that would be odd because then she would be texting her mom saying, Hey, is this from you?

SPEAKER_01

True, and then she'll find out anyway.

SPEAKER_05

True, true.

SPEAKER_01

There's girl tests, by the way, to figure out figure shit. If you ever do you ever um you know how like you said, okay, money's maybe not the most important thing, but it's important to an extent. Do you ever deal with in LA guys who lie or try to finesse, pretend they make more money than they do?

SPEAKER_00

Well, I see them a lot. Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_01

So if you ever want to figure out if a guy's lying about how much money he makes, there's four simple tests you can do to figure it out, and they won't even know that you're testing them. That's the like the genius part of it.

Standards, “Gold Digger” Myths, And Social Bar

SPEAKER_04

Okay. I like it.

SPEAKER_01

So first one, the silver word drawer test. So what you do is when your boyfriend's not looking, sneak into his kitchen and silver work.

SPEAKER_05

Okay.

SPEAKER_01

Find a silver word drawer, open it up, and kind of rummage around in there. And if you find extra sauce packets from like Uber Eats, Chip-fil-A sauce, like stuff like that. He secretly broke and he's lying to you. And if you marry him, you're right, your future children will starve. So you gotta run away from the city.

SPEAKER_05

Oh my god, you are so funny.

SPEAKER_01

Second one, the phone plan test. Have you heard of this one?

SPEAKER_05

The phone what?

SPEAKER_01

The phone plan test.

SPEAKER_05

No.

unknown

Okay.

SPEAKER_01

So ask a guy any detail about his phone plan. How much it costs per month? Does he get international roaming charges? If he doesn't know the answer, it means he's still on his mom's phone plan. And his mom probably pays his car insurance, his health insurance, and when he splurges and takes you to Applebee's, it's probably his mom's credit card that he's using secretly. Third test is the gum test. So you take any piece of gum, it could be winter fresh, juicy fruit, whatever, just get a pack of gum. You offer him a piece. He'll be like, oh, thanks, babe, you'll take it, you know, put it in his mouth, whatever. And then you offer him a second piece of gum. And if he takes a second piece and like puts it in his pocket for later, secretly broke.

SPEAKER_05

That's based on your own research.

SPEAKER_01

This is why, yeah, yeah, yeah. Numerous studies, very in-depth research. Actually, I believe Harvard and Stanford both did a study on this to prove it's true. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05

Oh wow.

SPEAKER_00

So yeah, I think I do with different types of people that don't have to do this kind of thing.

SPEAKER_05

But I swear, I know people that are insanely wealthy that order Uber Eats all the time and then save the sauce packets.

SPEAKER_01

Hey, babe, I save some extra napkins from Chipotle in case you put on the toilet paper.

SPEAKER_05

Okay, yeah, the napkins is a thing.

SPEAKER_03

I don't know if that's true. I would I would save all the napkins and all the sauces.

SPEAKER_05

I I yeah, if I could I don't think I'm addicted to in and out. I hate to- I save the fucking sauce. It's so good.

SPEAKER_03

No, I hate to waste. I just don't like wasting.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

See, like there's uh you put them away. There were like napkins right here. Yeah. Yeah. You know, I just don't like to put things in trash if you could use them.

SPEAKER_05

If you haven't used it, yes. That's fair.

SPEAKER_03

It's simple. Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, but then you just have all these like random sauce packets. Like when I was broke, I used to do this like sauce packets too. Like I'd have like fucking soy sauce. I've been in there for like based on your experience.

SPEAKER_03

It comes in, it comes in handy every once in a while. You never know. I guess. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01

Or in a different plane.

SPEAKER_03

Final question. You're it's the almost end of the world. Okay. But in this scenario, there are only two men left. Okay. But a thousand women.

SPEAKER_02

Oh.

SPEAKER_03

So the men have a lot of choices, but the woman only have two. Okay. Okay. One man is broke. No money. And he's gonna all he's gonna be able to give you is just a little house, and you're gonna have to do all the work. Okay. But he's gonna be forever loyal to you. The other man is the rich man and owns the world. And he'll give you everything. But he's gonna be also sleeping with the other 999 women. But you're the main one. So the question Who are we choosing? Which one would you choose?

SPEAKER_05

For sure, the not rich one that's loyal.

SPEAKER_03

You gotta choose the broke man.

SPEAKER_01

You're gonna fly a middle seat on spirit the rest of your life?

SPEAKER_03

Or are they gonna fly to the street?

SPEAKER_05

Honestly, my ex I've been supporting most of my exes. Like, I'm like opposite of most LA girls. I always worked a lot and I love working. And I rather have someone that is emotionally mature and available and loyal than someone that treats me like a piece of shit and I have to share, you know, him with other girls. Like, sex is something so sacred and spiritual. If you have sex with multiple people, you take on all their energy, and especially as a woman, that energy comes inside of you. No, thank you.

SPEAKER_01

Wait, wait. So if you're a man, you can get energy from everybody if you just have sex with a bunch. So you'd be like the megazord, you'd be like the strongest of like the absorb everybody's energy.

SPEAKER_04

Because there's a lot of fucked up out there. There's a lot of fucked up. It has to be quality women.

SPEAKER_01

Okay.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, interesting. Interesting. No, it's true.

SPEAKER_03

Sonia, which one would you choose? He she she chose the that's a tricky question.

SPEAKER_00

Okay, what what would be the reason behind the the broke dude who that he that he will stay loyal? Because he will he would be so fascinated by me and all other women do not exist, or because Yeah, I mean she he just loves you and you're you know you're the one. So he's sincerely not attracted to anyone else.

SPEAKER_03

Yes.

SPEAKER_00

And he will never be attracted to someone else. Yes. Yeah, I think I would choose the broke one.

SPEAKER_01

I never uh I got my an argument with my mom about this, actually.

SPEAKER_05

What about you? What would you choose? If it was opposite, you would go for the rich girl.

SPEAKER_01

No, no, guys don't care about money. We make our own money, who cares? Like, whatever.

SPEAKER_05

Okay, so if you would not have money.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, the the equivalent of a rich guy is like a hot girl. So our equivalent would be like a hot girl sleeping with all the guys, or like an ugly girl, but she only sleeps with you.

SPEAKER_00

So obviously.

SPEAKER_01

What do you mean? Like some girl like Gollum from Lord of the Rings can unlock her phone. Like, I'm not gonna like cook up with that girl. Okay, so here's what I got in my an argument with my mom. So I'm from Wisconsin, right? Very like conservative. And she's like, Zach in LA, like you're always dating like models, actresses. Like, you should date a girl with a great personality. And I'm like, Okay, mom. So do you think there exist beautiful girls with great personalities? She's like, Oh yeah, of course. I'm like, okay, so I have the if I'm gonna date a girl with a good personality, hot girl with a good personality, or ugly girl with a good personality. Of course I'm gonna choose the hot one. Like one plus one is two, right? So, like when girls, it's the kind of the same thing. It's like there's rich guys with good personalities, and there's broke guys with good personalities. Of course you're gonna choose like the rich guy with a good personality, like, why not? Like, if you have the option between those two. So I think a lot of girls, especially like in Wisconsin, they people don't understand like the culture of LA. So guys from Wisconsin are all like, oh, LA girls are like gold diggers, or they just want you for your money. I'm like, that's not really how it works. Like, maybe 1% is like a legit gold digger who is just trying to like get money out of you, but for most girls, it's they're attracted to some level of like success because it shows traits of hardworkingness, um, um, confidence. Like, you have to have like grit, you have to be able to like provide for somebody even when times are tough. And yeah, it's also about the lifestyle, maybe to some extent, but it's also like, yeah, it's showing qualities that I like in a man. And I think like guys, people from Wisconsin are like, oh, gold digger, and it's like, nah, you're just mad because like she like went with the rich guy over you, and you're like, like if if your only value that you're bringing as a guy is like you're nice, it's like yeah, that's so funny.

SPEAKER_05

I mean, there needs to be like a some level of like at least supporting himself and being able to do something fun every now and then. That's just the minimum, right?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, it's well, yeah. And here's the thing too it's like the reality is every girl has a bar. I actually got an argument with this other girl about this because she's like, Yeah, I don't care about money, and she was like dating this guy, right? And I'm like, Okay, so this guy you're dating, if you when you met him, he like lived in his mom's basement and played video games all day. Would you still date him? She's like, Well, no, but like, of course not. Like, I was like, Okay, what if he was like worked at McDonald's, like selling fries on the side of the road or something like that, you know? Like, would you date him? And she was like, Well, probably not. I was like, Okay, so you have some bar that you set. Yeah, some girls, it's like, okay, you have to have like a basic, like, corporate job where you're making decent money. Some girls, like, McDonald's is fine. Like, if you like grew up in a certain neighborhood, like maybe you don't give a fuck if they work in McDonald's. For some girls, it's 100k. Some girls are date millionaires. It's it's an arbitrary bar that people randomly set, so you can't like judge somebody for them having a different bar than you do. No, yet for some reason, people who are like lower on the kind of quote unquote social totem pole judge people who are like making more money because it's they're just kind of mad they can't get the girls that the guys who make a lot of money can get.

SPEAKER_05

Yes. Yeah, yeah, for sure. They're like actually just jealous, so they talk shit. Right?

SPEAKER_01

It's really tough being rich and successful, actually. As bad as it is. It's really tough. What a torture. It's very difficult.

SPEAKER_03

Well, thank you so much, guys, for your honesty and openness.

Plugs, Thanks, And Closing

SPEAKER_03

You got your shout outs to shout out.

SPEAKER_01

Any shout-outs you want to give to your Instagram, TikTok, anything like that? Yes. Yes, go for it.

SPEAKER_05

I look in the camera or yeah, yeah. So my name is Linnabel. My Instagram is at Linnabel, and there you will find all my other stuff that I do, my healing work and mushrooms. Soul Foods Amsterdam mushy coffee is my brand.

SPEAKER_02

Perfect.

SPEAKER_00

Okay. Um I have a question. I forgot the word for this. Like, how you the lower dash? Underscore. Underscore. Lower underscore. Just underscore. Okay. Um, so I'm Xenia Bernhardt, makeup artist, and my Instagram is Xania lower dash burn. That's where you find all my work and some of glimpse on my personal life.

SPEAKER_03

Fantastic. Thanks so much for coming on the show. Really appreciate it. Thank you very much.

SPEAKER_00

Thank you for having us. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_03

Thanks for watching. We'll see you later.