She Slapped A Tattooist And The Internet Lost Its Mind Ft. Fantom - Ep.169

Special thanks to Fantom for being a part of this episode of Unattainable Podcast Show 

We unpack viral fame, hard truths about consent, and the gap between public perception and lived reality. We confront victim blaming, trace patterns of risk and recovery, and map a path toward peace, work, and tighter boundaries.

• the slap persona, viral clips, and coping with hate
• consent defined as capacity and clarity, not regret
• party culture, drugged environments, and complicit friends
• reporting a predatory professor and keeping receipts
• healing through therapy, structure, and smaller circles
• dating patterns, boundaries, and boredom traps
• kinks, power, and why control dynamics attract
• money goals, creative ventures, and independence
• neurodivergence context and self-management

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Transcript

Viral Clips And The Slap Persona

SPEAKER_02 0:00

You went viral.

SPEAKER_04 0:01

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 0:02

Multiple times.

SPEAKER_04 0:03

People can believe what they want. I know what happened to me, and that is why I look like a detention desk. Regretted sex is not rape. Your time is money. Your time is precious. You will make mistakes regardless of what you think is right. You dragged me up the stairs, Blake. White boy Blake. You leave condoms at school? I had a really toxic ex-fiance that ended up threatening me with a knife, doing cocaine. I actually have objects. They kept offering me coke, and I was like, I'm literally on antidepressants, they don't mix, so I'll just watch you guys do your thing. I'm so over it because you know what? We're all gonna die. So you might as well die happy instead of trying to run away from Welcome to Unattainable.

SPEAKER_03 0:49

Glad to have you with us. I'm your host, Zach Evans, along here with my co-host Mohammed Mulle. And first of all, thank you to all of our listeners. We've been getting a lot of growth and engagement over the last few weeks, and we gotta thank all you guys out there for that. Today we got a special guest on the show. It's our second time coming on the show, and we're gonna respond to some of the controversial things that happened uh on round one. So, everybody, welcome to the show. Why don't you go ahead and introduce yourself to the audience? Um, yeah, name, what you do, where you're from.

SPEAKER_04 1:20

Phantom Tattoo. I'm from New York City. What?

SPEAKER_02 1:26

And you do tattoos?

SPEAKER_04 1:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:28

Welcome back, welcome back. Um, so you went viral multiple times. I think we're at like collectively somewhere around like 10 million.

SPEAKER_04 1:41

Oh, that's crazy.

SPEAKER_02 1:42

Yeah. Tell me 10 million views, hundreds of thousands of likes and comments, and that's right. First of all, how did you how do you feel about going viral? I don't is it is is this the first time that it's gone that far?

SPEAKER_04 1:55

No, I have 92.2 million on like my most pinned viral video. Oh, crazy. Yeah. It's me slapping my ex's neck after a fresh tattoo with the soap, you know. Oh, yes, yes, yes. I think I saw that. Another violar video was I finished an entire Starbucks drink at Universal Studios because they said that I couldn't bring the drink in. That was like a little one, 2.2 mil, but then there's another one that's uh still going. It's it it relates to fun slapping clients. Um I don't ask for these bookings.

SPEAKER_03 2:32

Maybe you should double down on the slapping. It seems like the slapping is more working. You could be just like the slapper girl, you know. You slap people, you slap, you know, different situations, you slap drinks out of people's hands.

SPEAKER_04 2:47

No, but like I have weird clients that'll be like, or even interesting coworkers that end up being like, yo, let me get HR, shut the fuck up.

SPEAKER_02 2:56

Mm-hmm. That's funny. So what have you been up to since uh last time we saw you?

SPEAKER_04 3:02

Well, I slapped a tattoo artist in Tokyo and it's on my page. Uh he is uh shout out Zizi Tokyo, um, yeah, in Saragaya, Japan, Tokyo, yeah. So uh his IG is Um Unagi Mafia Inc. He is uh good, I would say a good friend. You know, we were I was also on some depression self-healing trip when I was in Japan, and he wanted me to use my handwriting in like Chinese calligraphy, but in a in a in his inner thigh, really close to the goodies, you know what I'm saying? And I was like, are you sure? Because I do this thing where

Tokyo Story And Pain Tolerance

SPEAKER_04 3:40

I slap people, and he's like, All yours, baby girl. In a way, so yeah, it's still a good thing.

SPEAKER_03 3:48

So did you slap it?

SPEAKER_04 3:48

Yeah, it's on my IG.

SPEAKER_03 3:50

And did you incidental contact slap more than just the inner thigh?

SPEAKER_04 3:55

The vibration of the needle and everything, this the sense the hypersensitivity, a tit titty. The hypersensitivity afterwards, it's a shooting pain going up. Yeah. So I don't even have to directly hit the spot. You can hit close enough and the nerve endings travel upwards.

SPEAKER_03 4:10

I see, I see, I see. Yeah, you're a slap expert, huh?

SPEAKER_04 4:12

I am a slap expert.

SPEAKER_03 4:13

I didn't know that thing about the nerve endings. Usually, if I slap somebody, I just you know slap the regular skin, you know. I didn't know the nerve endings are traveling, so that's good to know for future reference.

SPEAKER_04 4:29

Sorry.

SPEAKER_02 4:30

Okay, so do you always get a lot of hate comments on these videos that have gone viral for you?

SPEAKER_04 4:40

Um, I would actually say it starts off with angry men. But as it trickles down towards like a week, uh, it's mostly like even men will give me great suggestions like, have you tried slapping this way? Have you tried slapping that way? Or like, um, hell, I'll do this for free. Like I get amazing comments afterwards. So mostly like the hate comments, I feel like it comes from the men who never got attention from their mothers.

SPEAKER_02 5:09

Uh-huh. Okay. So so it does daddy. So does it does it affect you what they say, or it doesn't affect you at all?

SPEAKER_04 5:17

Not at all. I mean, like, uh people can believe what they want. I know what happened to me, and that is why I look like a detention desk. But to look like a detention desk, you must have a good amount of pain tolerance. I've tattooed bodybuilders who wince in pain like a little biotch. I've also tattooed a couple celebrities, like, you know, some K-pop stars, some whatever, pretty boys, but act like little bitches at the end of the day. If you can shoot heroin and sniff coke and act hard, you can handle a little infinity sign on your body, honey.

SPEAKER_02 5:55

Who's getting an infinity sign on their body?

SPEAKER_04 5:58

Have you seen 6ix9ine's body?

SPEAKER_02 6:00

Not really. I don't really pay attention to 6ix9ine's body.

SPEAKER_04 6:03

You nobody does, that's why. See, that's why have you seen Ed Sheeran's body?

SPEAKER_03 6:09

Uh I mean, I Mo Moe's lying, acting like he doesn't jerk off to all these bodies.

SPEAKER_04 6:14

I knew you were a gunning.

SPEAKER_03 6:16

Mo gets a heart on for all these guys. He's pretending like he doesn't oh who? 6ix9ine? What? Wait, his infinity sign? Not the one in his lower back. I mean, I mean, uh, I don't know where it is. Mo likes to play Imaginary Land, yeah. Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 6:30

No, no, no.

SPEAKER_04 6:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:32

So how's dating been since last time we saw you?

SPEAKER_04 6:35

Oh, I just completely stopped dating. I do casual dating, but now I have ended that as well. It's uh like, you know, the whole thing where it's like the hate comments are like, Cap, Cap, this can't happen to you at all once. Yes, shit can happen at all at once. It can happen at any time in any state, in any city. And also, you can also get date raped. Regretted sex is not rape. So let me tell you, if you're motion sick in the car and I'm jerking you off and I'm trying to fuck you while you're motion sick, and you want to puke all over me, but I think it's hot, would you say that's consensual?

SPEAKER_03 7:14

Yeah. Oh my god. Wait, say it again. You're you're jacking a guy off.

SPEAKER_04 7:20

No, I'm saying, like, in a sense of rape, you're at a party, you're not you're 19 years old, your friends think it's funny to fuck you while you're throwing up everything.

SPEAKER_03 7:32

Oh, you're throwing up. I thought you said the guy's throwing up.

SPEAKER_04 7:34

No, I'm saying in a guy's shoes.

SPEAKER_03 7:37

I see, I see, I see. Like No, but it's different the other way around. Like, if I was like blackout drunk and a girl like fucked me and I didn't even remember it.

SPEAKER_04 7:46

But you want to throw up and and you're not okay.

SPEAKER_03 7:48

Yeah, but the other way around, it's like you're already throwing. It's different. It's different.

SPEAKER_04 7:53

So if someone If it was a girl, yes, of course, that's like Would you want to get jerked off while you're throwing up at a party and you're 19 years old and you don't know what's going on? This is one of your first parties. And you did a bunch of ketamine.

SPEAKER_02 8:07

I mean, I I would assume not because yeah, but what if she's really hot?

SPEAKER_04 8:11

A girl slips ketamine in your drink. Now your legs are jello.

SPEAKER_02 8:14

Everything turns into look, you're you're talking to somebody who's never experienced being drunk high or other vi otherwise just being not in control. So it's hard for me to really Okay, let me try something else.

SPEAKER_04 8:26

Have you ever been so drunk that you just want to throw up and go to bed?

SPEAKER_02 8:30

I I've never drank alcohol, so I have no idea.

SPEAKER_04 8:32

Well.

SPEAKER_03 8:33

I have, for sure. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 8:34

Okay, so you've drank alcohol to the point where you want to throw the fuck up and go the fuck to sleep.

SPEAKER_03 8:39

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Imagine Yeah, okay, yeah, that's true.

SPEAKER_04 8:43

Someone's just yanking you while your head's in the toilet. Yeah, that's fucked up.

SPEAKER_03 8:46

Yeah, that is fucked up. So that's not true.

SPEAKER_04 8:49

Would that be regretted

Hate Comments, Judgment, And Coping

SPEAKER_04 8:50

sex or rape?

SPEAKER_03 8:51

Yeah, that would probably be rape. Although, like, I'm a dude, so like if a girl tried to do that to me, I would just push her off.

SPEAKER_04 9:00

What about a six foot two Olga who weighs a little more than she should?

SPEAKER_03 9:04

If it was an Olga.

SPEAKER_04 9:07

I mean, she would have to really make Olga and Helga want a tag team.

SPEAKER_03 9:10

But you forget I have big muscles, but if my mystery.

SPEAKER_04 9:13

Olga and Helga are of Nordic descent.

SPEAKER_03 9:16

Oh man, I forgot. They're Vikings. I see, I see.

SPEAKER_04 9:22

Month penis.

SPEAKER_03 9:24

Yeah, no, many.

SPEAKER_04 9:25

Fight better than Florida.

SPEAKER_03 9:26

Yeah, maybe I could get raped in that situation.

SPEAKER_02 9:28

What if Olga used to be a victor?

SPEAKER_04 9:32

Actually, okay.

SPEAKER_03 9:33

That's a good point. That's the best point you guys have made so far. I like this one. You guys have made so far.

SPEAKER_04 9:41

But yeah, no, it's like getting jerked off with motion sickness. And yeah, that's not consent. So if you want to say that is consent, you're one of those people in the comments sections that participate in doing this type of shit. You can't get help.

SPEAKER_02 9:57

Yeah, I I don't I don't think anybody, well, I don't I'm not gonna speak for other people, but I don't think anybody that I know would um would suggest that you know doing something like that is okay. So obviously it's not. But but but to that point, so is that a hypothetical or is that something that happened to you?

SPEAKER_04 10:14

It happened to me when I was young. But I'm 30 years old now. A lot of people think cap, cap, cap, cap, cap. But no, you do know these things don't happen all within one month. They happen within the span of X amount of time. It's been two decades I've experienced this type of shit, and I moved cities because of it. But no matter what city you go to, shit's always there. Like the Abbey, it's known for drugging people, but still around. One oak, known for drugging people at the clubs, still around. But what are you doing at the club? Well, maybe it's because you're 21 and your friends peer pressured you into going and making you not feel cool, isolating you. And when you're young, you make horrible decisions. And if you haven't made horrible decisions, you probably sit in your mom's basement. I'm sorry. But that's a horrible decision, too. That's a horrible decision.

SPEAKER_02 11:12

Well, I don't think I've ever made it. Well, I don't think I've ever made any life-changing horrible decisions.

SPEAKER_04 11:19

But it's like a one out of ten, I know.

SPEAKER_02 11:21

Sure, sure. But I but I was not in my mom's basement either. But um I I think I think it's to a certain um point, becomes uh when it becomes repetitive, right? It it kind of it stems from a place where people are repeating the same mistakes over and over again. And so as as much as it's understandable that the things that somebody else is doing is wrong, doesn't make what they're doing okay just because it has happened to you multiple times. It also doesn't I I think at some point a person who goes through the same thing over and over again has to face the fact that perhaps the decisions that they are making is repetitive for a reason, and that reason is probably because of the the trauma that they have experienced, obviously. Obviously, but also the the group of people that they surround themselves with.

SPEAKER_04 12:27

It is, and you don't know who your real friends are when you're young.

SPEAKER_01 12:31

Right.

SPEAKER_04 12:31

You don't know shit, and like as a lot of people don't believe me when I say I'm 30, and it's not that hard to believe because Asians don't are Asian. And I'll be like, I'm 30, here's my passport, here's my ID, there's no like look at me, I'm a detention desk. What kind of 18-year-old would have enough money to look like a detention desk? But that's not the point. It's like an experienced thing, and then for every decade of your life is a milestone. It's not the five year, it's a 10-year plan. And like a lot of people don't know, like, your time is money, your time is precious. You will make mistakes regardless of what you think is right, what someone else told you, or what's what other someone other person that you look up to at the time can be carving a path for you, but at the same time just

Assault, Consent, And Party Culture

SPEAKER_04 13:20

be using you. And you wouldn't even know because you can trust anyone when you're young. But after you get fucked over a million times and your friends set you up, your friends set you up who want stuff from you, you realize it's better to be single, alone, and have fewer friends than a million. You'd rather like like someone said, sports cars, two seaters, a bus, you can fill it all up. You really don't and it gets only at the top, but you really want quality over quantity. Quantity friends are the ones that drag you down. The ones that plot rapes, the ones that will victim blame, the ones that knew what they were doing, but can't yeah.

SPEAKER_03 14:07

Were they plotting it together, or was it like one of the friends would do something bad and the other ones would kind of just look the other way or pretend it didn't happen?

SPEAKER_04 14:15

Normally that's how it is. There's always that one guy in the group who doesn't want to be a part of it because then they're set they're having sudden realizations. I was like 19 going on 20. I had maybe six months left. I remember my mom's birthday was coming up. I was supposed to fucking call her, but I couldn't. It was hard. I didn't want to I didn't know what to say. So I took Molly and I would I thought about all the best memories I had during my childhood to get over it. It happened at a party when I was in LA. And yeah, multiple people, but do you remember each face when they fed you ketamine telling you it was cocaine? You don't see everything turns into like a Nintendo world and you're literally on another planet. You can hear your friends' voices laughing at you. You can hear these people saying, I told you it was easy to get her to get fucked up. She's a lightweight. I remember I'm not gonna say his name. Actually, should I? Nah.

SPEAKER_02 15:22

If you want to, I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 15:23

Blake, you dragged me up the stairs, Blake. White boy Blake. I'm not gonna continue, just in case. But Blake is like, you know, that was actually his name, but we're not gonna include the last name. Yeah. So Blake dragged me up the stairs, put me on the bed, took off all my clothes, I threw up on the side of my shoulder. He took my bed sheet and wiped it off. This was a house party that I was trusting all these girls, and we did like webcaming together, and it was like when I was super innocent, new to this, and I wasn't making enough tattooing. And they're like, We got you, we got you. This there's a spot in Fullerton you could tattoo at just trust like we're your besties. We would never you want to borrow my makeup palette? You can wear my clothes, you can keep that, it looks cute on you. But when everything was black and red, I heard laughter behind my back. It was the sickest thing, and my body was a limp fucking wet spaghetti noodle. I couldn't fucking fight back if I wanted to. And I couldn't speak because I was drooling from the ketamine and the alcohol. They made me throw up because I stopped and my breathing started slowing down. They didn't want to call the police. The owner of this party house is now dead. He got into a motorcycle accident in Thailand. A karma I believe in strongly. It was gonna happen to him anyway. But while this was happening, the owner of the house was like, Are you happy? As if I was a prostitute being sold. And while he was thrusting in me, each time it went up into my stomach, I felt nothing. Like when you fall asleep on your leg and you feel nothing, but it hurts because you're being shooken up and down like a rag doll and you just feel nauseous. But then inside like my ovaries or my stomach, it's like all you feel is nausea and pain, and you're literally like foaming at the mouth. By the time he was done, he nutted, and then he used my sheets to wipe it off me. And he said, Go to sleep, you'll forget about it. I couldn't sleep. I just spent the whole night puking like bile and alcohol and chugging lots of water and even sticking my fingers down my throat just to see if I could like throw up whatever was given to me. I don't even know if I should ever like drink again, and that took me I think three years to start really drinking again, because I had to be around the right people. Now I'm like, you know, I used it as like an escape, but now I'm pretty much like I don't really drink a lot. I don't do nose candy, because that's how you get involved in the whole rapey scene. I don't do yeah. I think I almost became a nun this year. And I don't want to date and I don't want to marry.

SPEAKER_02 18:39

Uh-huh. W what what's the reason that you don't want to date or marry?

SPEAKER_04 18:44

Have you seen the options out there? I mean, you're okay. You're okay. Cause like I don't hate men. Like my friends who are guys who have been raised properly by mom and dad, like there is hope in humanity. It's just not everyone was like that.

SPEAKER_02 19:02

Yeah, I mean, I don't I don't think there's like you know, a lot of great options, but I also think that the the circles that you're in perhaps don't have any of those options.

SPEAKER_04 19:15

Or you just don't want to because it's business and you'll keep it that way. I for right now it's like I don't know if I even want to date. Maybe focusing on myself is the best bet, because in the end, like everyone else in your life is a variable and you're the only constant. It's a slope. Depending on what you want to choose as your variables and constants.

SPEAKER_02 19:41

Sure. Um, all right. Let's go over a few of these and see what we've got.

SPEAKER_04 19:53

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 19:54

So this guy said so okay, so so we'll go through. Some of these comments. Obviously, if at any point it becomes too much or uncomfortable, let me know. Okay. And we'll stop. Okay. But from the responses that that I saw, I feel like you are well equipped to handle any of this. Okay. So this guy said, feel like some of that could be avoided. First of all, uh what how does that make you feel? And what do you what do you think?

SPEAKER_04 20:33

Well, no, shit, Sherlock. It could have been avoided, but I was young and dumb. Your daughter could be young and dumb and do the same shit, and then one day her friend is gonna be like, feel like some of it could be avoided. Yeah, no shit, Sherlock. Of course, it could have been avoided. I could have just not gone to parties.

SPEAKER_02 20:51

Perhaps.

SPEAKER_04 20:52

Perhaps.

SPEAKER_02 20:56

Hmm. Maybe you have different friends or groups you hang out with. Sounds like all this shit that happened to her was because of who she connected with.

SPEAKER_04 21:06

It was.

SPEAKER_02 21:07

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 21:08

Yeah, 100%. I agree. Yeah. He's not wrong. It was.

SPEAKER_02 21:16

If you get it essayed multiple times, it's time to rethink your life.

SPEAKER_04 21:20

Actually, not really, because one of them was a college professor. That happened later on.

SPEAKER_02 21:27

That happened.

SPEAKER_04 21:28

Long time ago, I took a picture of his passport too.

SPEAKER_02 21:31

Oh really?

SPEAKER_04 21:32

Yeah. John Jay College. Oops.

SPEAKER_02 21:36

John Jay College is that in New York? Where is it?

SPEAKER_04 21:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 21:39

Okay.

Processing Trauma And Victim Blaming

SPEAKER_04 21:40

It's like one of those CUNYs. If you get essayed multiple times, it's time to rethink your life. Well, I mean, if your wife walks down the street and then she's trying to catch her Uber and then she gets pulled into a car, it's time to rethink your life. Hey, if your wife stays out late and she wears a mini skirt and she gets essayed, it's time to rethink your life. And if you are a girl yourself and you wear a mini skirt, it's probably what you were wearing that night.

SPEAKER_02 22:05

Wait, what happened with this college professor?

SPEAKER_04 22:08

Oh, he lost his job.

SPEAKER_02 22:10

You reported him. Of course. Okay. Why does a student have your passport? What's the story?

SPEAKER_04 22:16

Um little bit of that extra credit.

SPEAKER_02 22:22

You you wanted extra credit?

SPEAKER_04 22:25

No. Him said to me, Oh, okay. Yeah. No, I decided to drop out instead and move to California.

SPEAKER_02 22:33

Okay, so so you were in college, he said, Do you want some extra credit?

SPEAKER_04 22:39

Uh I thought it was like filing paperwork.

SPEAKER_01 22:43

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_04 22:45

No. It started turning into a do you like fishnets? Uncomfortable questions. Uh-huh. And then he gave me a pair of fishnets. And I was like, okay, free fishnets. And then it kept getting worse. And I was like, listen, I'm not interested. You have a wife, and I'm gonna tell your wife. Don't make me tell your wife. And I can also tell the board that you don't want to lose your job now, do you? And then he kept pushing me, so I opened one of his uh desk drawers and I found his passport with a bunch of documents. So I took a picture of the passport. Yeah. He also tried to invite me to his house, so he gave me the address, and then I gave the school the address, and I was like, how would I know his address would blah blah blah blah blah? And then also there was a bunch of things in his desk that he shouldn't have had.

SPEAKER_02 23:26

Like what?

SPEAKER_04 23:27

Well, if you're a philosophy professor, you shouldn't have a million condoms in there.

SPEAKER_02 23:33

He had condoms in his grover.

SPEAKER_04 23:35

So condoms and Alibaba fishnets in bulk.

SPEAKER_03 23:39

In bulk. Oh, so he was running the same playbook. He was bad as a playbook.

SPEAKER_04 23:43

Oh, so like Anastasia.

SPEAKER_03 23:44

He's running it over and over.

SPEAKER_04 23:45

He kind of deserved it.

SPEAKER_03 23:47

How old was he?

SPEAKER_04 23:50

Old enough to retire.

SPEAKER_03 23:52

Oh really? So you never did anything with him. He just tried to, tried to, and then you kind of like caught him early. Yeah, took pictures, recorded it, sent it back into the You should be like a CIA operative that like they catch people. You know, you know how they catch like the pedophiles? Like that's our essay. You know what I mean? Chris Hansen. Yeah, yeah. You could be like the what did you call detention desk? Detention desk version of Chris Hansen. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 24:17

Oh yeah, no. He even tried to drug me, and it's like on property of the blah blah blah. So like they obviously try to make it go away. I even put uh rate my professor.com with the whole thing with pictures attached, and then they deleted it and they were like, please don't do that. Like, we're gonna take care of it, we're gonna handle it. And I'm like, of course, you're a CUNY.

SPEAKER_03 24:35

Wait, what's rapemyprofessor.com?

SPEAKER_02 24:37

Rate my she created the website.

SPEAKER_04 24:39

No, I didn't. No, rapemyprofessor.com is actually a website that's been around for college students. Oh, really?

SPEAKER_03 24:45

Rape my professor. And it tells the rate, rate. Oh rape. Oh, rate. Oh, it's rape. I was like, I was like, I don't, I've never heard of them. How do I not know about this?

SPEAKER_04 25:00

Maybe in Japan, but not here.

SPEAKER_02 25:02

Interesting. Okay, so then so then finally they get rid of him.

SPEAKER_04 25:10

Well, I wasn't there for I already moved.

SPEAKER_02 25:12

Okay. Okay. So you dropped out and you left.

SPEAKER_04 25:15

Well, actually, is is it dropping out if you just stop showing up and then you don't make the payments anymore and you tell them to fuck themselves?

SPEAKER_03 25:20

I think that still counts. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 25:23

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Basically.

SPEAKER_03 25:25

Did he ever hit you up afterward?

SPEAKER_04 25:27

Nah.

SPEAKER_03 25:28

He knew he knew what happened.

SPEAKER_04 25:30

Uh, but like, I don't know. How dumb are you? Yeah, yeah. You leave condoms at school?

SPEAKER_02 25:36

Yeah. Just a heads up, people here. Uh just a heads up here, people. When a person like this claims these things with absolutely no context, they're severely lying or over-exaggerating something that did not happen the way they interpreted. Um, this one should go play in traffic.

SPEAKER_04 25:57

I did play in traffic. I was like 17, 18, 19, and I got hit by a car on a skateboard. That's called playing in traffic. Um, severely lying. I wouldn't really need to, because the hospital bills are expensive. I wouldn't be going into detail like this super nonchalantly if it didn't happen within the span of like 20 years, so it's like I said, decade milestone. You learn something you you make great friends, you drop those friends. Shit happens, and then you're like, Well, those aren't my friends. But if you haven't lived up to 30 and hang hung around city people, maybe you should play in traffic.

SPEAKER_02 26:40

There's a lot of people in the comments that think you're lying. Why do you think that is?

SPEAKER_04 26:44

Uh, probably because I'm covered in tattoos and peop and judgment is learned. And the way I'm so nonchalant about it, it's because I'm on so loved, honey. Yeah, I also have a therapist. So I've already come to terms with what happened to me. But when people say it's lying, I really have no reason to lie. I don't care for sympathy. I care for praise about things that I do. Like whatever it is, um, I win an award, like a magazine cover or something like bikini competition. I do like working out my paintings, my tattoos. Pretty much it. Like, there's no reason for me to lie because I wouldn't gain shit out of it. When I lived at the pornhouse uh when I was like 19, the owner of the pornhouse thought I was lying when I said I have a sister who's two years older than me but looks like 90% identical to me. And he was like, You're fucking lying, like blah blah blah. And I was like, Oh, okay. And then I didn't respond to my phone for like six hours. It's called the Gondra Girls House, and Mike FX was the owner. He died a long time ago with the Thailand car crash. His uh first 18-year-old wife for a veteran from the military was like Morgan Lux. She was young, manipulated, groomed by him basically, and then he tried to wife up every person. Uh, I know what I went through. I have pictures, but I don't need to show everyone my trauma because what's the point?

SPEAKER_03 28:15

I think too that people show emotions in different ways. And I always think about it. I remember I was at a funeral once, and just realizing like just because somebody's not crying doesn't mean that they don't care.

SPEAKER_04 28:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 28:32

And just because somebody is crying uncontrollably doesn't mean that they did care. Yes. Like people just, it's like you can be really sometimes you're really sad about something, you're just not crying and you're not showing it up or vice.

SPEAKER_04 28:43

Everyone has a different way of processing. And as far as being nonchalant, it's like not everyone wants to make a huge blah blah blah. And then if you do cry about it, you're a crash out. So which one is it? Am I allowed to have emotions? I'm pretty calm about it because 19, the incident. Like 17, 18, 19. You make bad decisions. I'm 30. I'm over it. But what is your name? Can't even read that shit. I had that. What kind of fucking name is that?

SPEAKER_02 29:15

Or maybe it's Jon Azaru.

SPEAKER_04 29:17

Jonas. One or the other. Okay, Jonas, brother. Like, go watch some Disney and get a life.

SPEAKER_03 29:23

It looks like he's like a cartoon profile pick or something.

SPEAKER_04 29:26

I mean, like, however, you interpret it, maybe you maybe you should go to school.

Confronting A Predatory Professor

SPEAKER_02 29:31

Um, I don't really understand this. Are we competing with trauma now?

SPEAKER_04 29:34

Nobody's competing with shit. This is a podcast. And if you don't want to watch the podcast, then you shouldn't be here. The podcast is about like prior experiences. Right.

SPEAKER_02 29:43

It's it's interesting to me because some people would comment like these like idiotic things.

SPEAKER_04 29:49

Like for real things.

SPEAKER_02 29:50

Like, why are you even commenting?

SPEAKER_04 29:52

It's like they think this happened all within the span of six seconds. And I'm like, no, this is and I'm older than I look, so I'm done. Nobody wants bad things that happen to them. She didn't ask for it. I really didn't.

SPEAKER_02 30:04

Yeah, you you like this one, so I did.

SPEAKER_04 30:07

I actually did because no one really gets it, and guys love to victim blame because they're the ones who be fucking bitches while they're drunk or drug the fuck up.

SPEAKER_02 30:18

So maybe she is the problem.

SPEAKER_04 30:23

It's me. Hi, I'm the problem, it's me. I chose to go to every party. I was only 19 when it happened, and I'm sorry, baby. But uh uh, what's your name? Fucking Mike?

SPEAKER_02 30:39

Mike, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 30:41

You should get a less generic name if you really want to catch attention.

SPEAKER_03 30:46

You know what we should have done is like had their profile so we could like live kind of like I want to go through their pictures and all.

SPEAKER_04 30:53

I just want to rose. Can we do that today? Please.

SPEAKER_02 30:58

Okay. Trouble finds those who go looking for it.

SPEAKER_04 31:02

Says one who's on the screen looking for trouble when you chose to watch the video. I mean, a snippet. You didn't even watch the video.

SPEAKER_02 31:12

Perhaps, yeah. See, there is like a bunch of people that keep saying that. Which is also, have you seen there is uh I mean, I don't know if this has come up. Um, there is a uh motivational speaker that or this is this is sort of a concept where um people talk about how we choose the things that happen to us and the and the things that happen in our life, and um and even your parents you choose them.

SPEAKER_04 31:46

I did not choose to be born in New York City.

SPEAKER_02 31:50

Well, yeah, but the concept essentially suggests that um the sort of subconscious mind always knows what is what it's going to do. Yes. And within your subconscious, you're making the decisions prior to those things happening. And so it it in in a context of victim blaming, obviously that's a completely different different scenario, but in a context of trying to grow and make different decisions, right? That's the area of looking inwards and try to figure out exactly what decisions we could make differently.

SPEAKER_04 32:32

If it wasn't for living in New York so long and like going to parties, traveling at too young of an age. Traveling alone, too young of an age. Yeah, sure, I chose that, but I wanted to be adventurous. But what I didn't want was to experience that. SA. But do you really get a choice? Yeah, sure. A knife, a taser, whatever it is. Um, I guess you could say I chose that, if you know that's how you feel, but Sergio, if you have a daughter and she wore leggings that were too tight, she chose that. She chose to get raped. Your mother, your daughter, your cousin, anyone that you love, whatever they wear, they chose that. And like, you could literally be wearing the ugliest hoodie and look like a trash bag, and then they chose to get raped because they were asking for it. Back to you, Sergio.

SPEAKER_02 33:34

In math, she is the common denominator.

SPEAKER_04 33:38

Is the only math you know trapping? So, how good are those fractions?

SPEAKER_02 33:47

I think she's sad because she didn't get paid.

SPEAKER_04 33:52

I make a decent amount of money doing tattoos too, so are you mad you didn't get paid?

SPEAKER_02 34:02

Son ill. She likes it.

SPEAKER_04 34:06

Hmm. Javi, a baby, how about I send you to Dubai?

SPEAKER_02 34:13

Obviously, she did you did not like it.

SPEAKER_04 34:16

No shit, she's like, I mean, if this guy thinks I liked it, I cannot wait to come to your house and jerk you off after like funneling two bottles of Jameson down your throat with no bread.

SPEAKER_02 34:28

Well, I mean, I don't the equivalent of it would be shoving the bottle up his ass.

SPEAKER_04 34:32

Ooh, enemas. Enemas. Oh, yeah, the boofing, the boofing. The boofing. I'll get the maxi pads.

SPEAKER_02 34:38

Maybe reconsider your life choices. Oh, I already did.

SPEAKER_04 34:42

Right. Yeah, I stopped five years ago.

SPEAKER_02 34:45

Reading these comments makes me feel like we didn't evolve at all. No, we didn't. I hope she's okay now.

SPEAKER_04 34:51

You know, you are the best astral poo I've seen on the internet. And thank you for checking up on me. I'm actually more than okay right now. Like, I've healed so much since I left New York City. Like I've healed a lot. Even though I fly back each time I look. It's not New York, New York is dirtier than LA. It's more expensive than LA. Of course. It's Stockholm Syndrome, but it was all I knew when I was growing up. So thank you for checking up on me. I'm A-O-K.

SPEAKER_02 35:21

How do how does none of this happen to any of the good girls I know? I don't know. She just might put herself in these in those situations and now and is now complaining about her own bad decisions.

SPEAKER_04 35:33

Do you know any good girls? Did they tell you anything? Do they trust you enough to tell you anything? Or are you just guy are you just the guy that parties with them and they ignore for like months? You sound like the guy that they ignore for months. I mean, if any good girl heard this, do you really think she would appreciate victim blaming?

SPEAKER_03 35:54

Maybe he's the friend zone guy.

SPEAKER_04 35:56

He's probably the friend zone guy. He looks peggable.

SPEAKER_02 36:02

That's why. Professional victim. There's a lot of those, actually.

SPEAKER_04 36:10

Professional victim. Um, what are you? A professional loser? A professional white knight? A professional Arian

Responding To Skeptics And Healing

SPEAKER_04 36:20

race, blah blah blah? You look like a Nazi, I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_03 36:26

He does give Nazi vibes.

SPEAKER_04 36:28

Yeah, you have to cover your face.

SPEAKER_02 36:30

Are we supposed to be impressed? Because it feels like that is what she's going for.

SPEAKER_04 36:38

Well, I don't know where you got that. No tomatoes.

SPEAKER_02 36:43

This was pretty fucked up.

SPEAKER_04 36:45

Can I grape you next, please? Ryan, just hang out there. Katie will give you her legs and you can grape her. I don't like that's just like This is like, yeah, these are the the ones who victim blames are the ones who write this type of shit, and they're okay with it. See, like, I don't feel threatened by you. I'm not a hardcore free-bleeding feminist. I don't feel threatened by you. You know, I have a lot of guy friends, and not all of them behave like this.

SPEAKER_02 37:16

Yeah, that's pretty that's pretty messed up.

SPEAKER_04 37:18

I think I we need like a delusional Gooners series or some shit.

SPEAKER_02 37:24

I I I I I don't understand how somebody could bring themselves to to the thought to begin with. Um but then but then not only get yourself to have the thought, but then also to have the audacity to write it on a public forum.

SPEAKER_04 37:42

It's because you can't get that thought, so you can only have thoughts about her.

SPEAKER_03 37:47

I think it's just dudes in their mom's basement. It is keyboard. They're just like, let me like do something to feel some emotion, you know? So they're like, let me like say some wild, crazy shit. Like, I think they just they just they're you don't think no lives.

SPEAKER_02 38:07

You don't think a person like that is the type of person that would actually do it, do it if the opportunity came?

SPEAKER_03 38:14

No, I think most of these people are just like they couldn't, they wouldn't even have like the wherewithal to do anything. I think they're just like they they can barely like do their own laundry. Their mom probably does it for them. I think they're just like I think they're just they're just losers.

SPEAKER_04 38:31

No, I actually not that that makes it anymore. I'm dying. Yeah, I mean it's he pretends because he rents a Lambo he wanna look cool, but then his mom does his laundry.

SPEAKER_03 38:42

Yeah, it's just no life skills. No life skills.

SPEAKER_04 38:47

Oh sushi with the fork! I'm done. No, with a spoon, with a spoon with a spoon.

SPEAKER_03 38:53

Sushi spoon, guys.

SPEAKER_01 38:55

Sushi spoon.

SPEAKER_04 38:58

Maybe a lot. I wish. No, actually, I don't wish. There are multiple men, including fathers, saying that she deserved it, and it's her fault. Some father you are. You're the problem. And what okay, that sounds like a lot of push. That sounds delightful.

SPEAKER_03 39:16

So she's on your she's on your team.

SPEAKER_04 39:18

Oh, there's a lot of men, including fathers, say that she deserved it.

SPEAKER_03 39:22

She's saying there's a lot of people in the comments that are men and fathers saying, Oh, you deserved it.

SPEAKER_02 39:27

She's saying there are multiple men, including fathers, saying that she deserved it and it's her fault. You are the problem, and most likely predators to saying to those men.

SPEAKER_04 39:39

Well, I'm the problem, it's me.

SPEAKER_02 39:42

No, she's saying the men are the problem.

SPEAKER_04 39:44

The men who are commenting the stuff are the oh, I had no idea because English is not my first question.

SPEAKER_02 39:49

She's she's telling those men and fathers that they're the problems and most likely the pre the predators as well.

SPEAKER_04 39:55

Yeah, majority of my followers are all married men, which is terrifying. Like It makes that's why I don't want to get married.

SPEAKER_02 40:02

How do you know those statistics?

SPEAKER_04 40:04

Oh, because they answer it in the OnlyFans. They tell me, like, I'm married, please don't blow me up on social media. Like, I'll give you whatever you want. You're my fantasy. Like, it's like s uh like if I paid for your fox eye thread lift, would you slant your eyes harder for me?

SPEAKER_01 40:20

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_04 40:20

And I was like, sure. And then I I saved the money uh for my rent deposit. And then um I just did a a thing where I I put tape on my eyes and pulled it back and I said, Look at how chinky my eyes are now. Are you s are you turned on? And he was like, Yeah. Well, I can't wait to touch your eyes. And I was like, it's not even a real like thread lift thing. You know that thread lift thing, right?

SPEAKER_03 40:47

I didn't until you just didn't the Kardashians get it or something?

SPEAKER_04 40:53

Yeah, it's like this thing to make your eyes slanty. Right. And he was like, make your eyes extra slanty. And I was like, sure. So I just did the pfft with some tool.

SPEAKER_03 41:02

Okay, so it's not like an Asian thing, it's just like uh a little bit. Is it a little bit an Asian thing?

SPEAKER_04 41:07

I had chopsticks involved.

SPEAKER_03 41:09

Oh, okay, okay, okay. Oh my god. No spoon? No spoon.

SPEAKER_04 41:15

Actually, I want to rage bait people and make a real just me eating sushi with a spoon.

SPEAKER_03 41:20

Honestly, the amount of comments that would get would probably be crazy. Let's rage bait. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 41:25

You might be hanging around the wrong people.

SPEAKER_04 41:27

Thank you, Tyson.

SPEAKER_02 41:30

Maybe act right, dress right, and put out some value.

SPEAKER_04 41:35

Um, who are you to say that? You live in Boston. Beston.

SPEAKER_02 41:42

Very sad. Probably carries a lot of childhood trauma.

SPEAKER_04 41:46

Well, I'm healing now. I'm on Zolof, baby girl.

SPEAKER_02 41:51

Jeez. There's nothing there left. Empty.

SPEAKER_04 41:57

Pretty much.

SPEAKER_02 42:00

I mean, once or twice might be unfortunate, but more than that, it's probably you getting yourself in those situations.

SPEAKER_04 42:06

It's called growing pains. You ever hang out with the wrong people and party with the wrong people who set you up? Probably no one's ever been through it. I'm sorry you didn't get that experience.

SPEAKER_02 42:17

How many times have you been raped?

SPEAKER_04 42:21

Um the multiple people incident was at that party. I count like, okay, so I had a really toxic ex-fiance that ended up threatening me with a knife, doing cocaine. I'm not gonna drop his IG, I'm not gonna drop his name, but if they followed me long enough, he was basically one of those dab heads who drained my bank account just to spend it on dabs. He couldn't even afford like his own dab rigs or butane or like weed. And he when I decided to do OnlyFans content with him, because I was like, You're taking up space in my apartment. Not like that, but yeah, like that.

SPEAKER_03 43:02

Space in the oxygen out, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 43:04

You need to contribute to my bills, and that's when I found out he lied about his age, and then I

Dating Patterns, Boundaries, And Sobriety

SPEAKER_04 43:10

just like I'll keep you around for content, but also you're not my boyfriend, like fake boyfriend. Then you fall in love with that person, he was a cancer, but more like a tumor. Yeah, cancer astrology sign is like sweet, they'll cook and clean, they'll be all romantic, and then it's tumor time.

SPEAKER_03 43:28

I like that I like that saying. Yeah, no, it was a cancer more of a tumor.

SPEAKER_04 43:32

Yeah, he we got I got the ring and then I gave it back, but he said we're still engaged, and I was like, on and you know what? You live in San Diego, so I'm just gonna move to LA. I'm done. We moved out the separate ways, and like sometimes he would come through. Like last time I came on the Unattainable Show, he dropped me off in this Mitsubishi, whatever my loud, and I was like, Can you get rid of this car? Please, like, you're 40, and I'm like 20 26, please leave me the fuck alone. Like, just be low-key, stop.

SPEAKER_03 44:05

Are most of the guys you date kind of like losers?

SPEAKER_04 44:10

At this point, I used to fall for superficial things, I used to chase looks over personality, I used to care about the dumbest shit, and then now just girly things. But now that I'm older, I'm like, after you hit 30, I'm like, I got that scoliosis, not the school to host this anymore. I'm not as down bad. I'm like just down in the dumps. Not down in the dumps from like, I'm pretty happy, I'm content with my life being single. I love it, actually. I get variety, and I don't want to commit to anything because look at the market. Look at the market, so saturated. But yeah, like I'm tired of like, even if someone I get a bad vibe from via text messages, like, who else is coming to this party? Don't want to go. Sorry, I got COVID. Nah, I got COVID. I got gonorrhea. I got fucking I got I got syphilis now. I got fucking chicken pox. I got fucking whatever it is.

SPEAKER_03 45:16

Sorry, I gotta organize my silverware drawer tonight. I can't come.

SPEAKER_04 45:20

You're funny.

SPEAKER_02 45:24

She's 100% caca capping. Which, I mean, a hundred percent is uh I don't know how people would even know this, but oh, because you were the were you the bed that was there when you were under were you the bed under me?

SPEAKER_04 45:40

You're the bed under me. That's what happened. You probably knew what happened.

SPEAKER_02 45:45

Well, I guess the the the so these are some of the comments referring to um the clip where you are talking about the asylum.

SPEAKER_04 45:56

Oh no, the asylum is called uh Delamo and Torrance. You can Google it.

SPEAKER_02 46:01

Yeah, yeah. So so like some of these comments are about that. And I still have some of them are from Delamo, too. And I think some of them are um comments of the clip where you're talking about um your grandpa molesting you.

SPEAKER_04 46:19

That was a long time ago. He did.

SPEAKER_02 46:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 46:21

But it wasn't like something I remember too much of.

SPEAKER_02 46:23

Right.

SPEAKER_04 46:24

Because they sent me to Hong Kong for school after that. And then he died.

SPEAKER_02 46:30

Yeah. Um sounds like a lot of bad choices made in life. Do better.

SPEAKER_04 46:37

Already am, baby.

SPEAKER_02 46:41

And I thought being sure.

SPEAKER_04 46:43

Actually, that's the easy way out. Right. Any memo, anyone? JK. Bro, look at her, her shirts and nudes. Her entire parents screams, notice me. Um, I'm pretty sure it doesn't scream notice me. It screams, you don't want to go near me or date me. She looks like a detention desk. Like, why would you want to come near me or talk to me? But the fact that you're writing paragraphs for me, I didn't know said near it's a t-shirt, but like if I had a shirt that said motherfucker, does it mean I want to fuck your mom? Does that say, like, are you asking me to fuck your mom? This one says when we were young. So, um, am I capping about being young? I don't know. No, the only thing she didn't say was having autism. I actually have autism.

SPEAKER_02 47:43

You do have autism, right?

SPEAKER_04 47:44

Yeah, but high functioning, that's why I'm on meds. Hope she finds some healing in her life. That's a lot. Oh, I've healed already. Therapy, psychotherapy, meds, weed, happy. Oh, and better people in my life.

SPEAKER_02 48:02

When was the last time you made a bad decision?

SPEAKER_04 48:05

Dating a k-pop star.

SPEAKER_02 48:07

When was this? When you were in Japan.

SPEAKER_04 48:11

Asia, yeah. Nah, no, no. It was a few months ago. Didn't last very long.

SPEAKER_02 48:17

So why was it a bad decision?

SPEAKER_04 48:19

Uh, because he lives with his aunt and mom, and he's still in the family house. And he's my he's my age, 30.

SPEAKER_03 48:27

Isn't he like rich because he's a K-pop star? Like, why doesn't he just move?

SPEAKER_04 48:31

He has a gambling problem. Uh and his brain is When did you find out that he has a gambling problem? Well, very early on, and a cocaine problem.

SPEAKER_02 48:40

Why did you continue dating him?

SPEAKER_04 48:42

I was bored. I just thought it was fun.

SPEAKER_02 48:46

Who would argue that that well, I mean, you admitted that that was a bad decision, but suggesting that you've learned from the bad decisions you've made in the past.

SPEAKER_04 48:54

It was because I got out of a six-year relationship and I wanted to have a little fun.

SPEAKER_02 49:00

It seems like that you've well okay. Um, it seems like that you've connected having fun to a lot of uh bad decisions. Not bad decisions in particular, but to a lot of toxic traits that people might have.

SPEAKER_04 49:20

Probably because I have mommy-daddy issues. And everyone does to an extent, and it carries on through childhood, adulthood. That's what Freudian theory is when you seek that, you know, parental quality or someone that reminds you of somebody in your significant other.

SPEAKER_03 49:37

Yeah, but Freudian was weird. Freudian was like, You want to fuck your mom.

SPEAKER_04 49:40

No, that's Oedipus.

SPEAKER_03 49:42

I thought that was Freud. Wasn't that Freudian?

SPEAKER_04 49:43

No, Freudian theory dances around Oedipus. Oedipus is an example of Freudian theory.

SPEAKER_03 49:48

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_04 49:48

Freudian theory is like as soon as you're born, you're phallus, and then like how cats get stimulated to poop is like wiping their butthole. When they're kittens, of course. So same thing with the kitten thing, when you're a baby and you wipe the butthole, you kind of establish a bond with that person, whether it be psychosexually or even a prunch away. But as a baby, you don't know anything, it's just um nerve-endings.

SPEAKER_01 50:12

Interesting. Yeah.

unknown 50:14

Interesting.

SPEAKER_02 50:16

So you so okay, so so that was a few months ago. You started dating this guy.

SPEAKER_04 50:22

It didn't last very long.

SPEAKER_02 50:23

How long was it?

SPEAKER_04 50:25

Enough for me to get sick of him.

SPEAKER_02 50:27

Uh-huh. Like a few months. So you find out you find out that he's an addict, he's uh he has gambling issues, and he also does coke. He's a coke addict, you said.

SPEAKER_04 50:40

Yeah, he says he's not, and he only does bums, but I don't like really sure, sure.

SPEAKER_02 50:45

But your persp your perspective is that that he's a coke addict. And so you find this out, and then you continue dating him.

SPEAKER_04 50:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 50:52

And and the suggestion is because you're bored.

SPEAKER_04 50:55

Yeah, and also they kept offering me coke, and I was like, I'm literally on antidepressants,

Kinks, Power, And Control Dynamics

SPEAKER_04 51:00

they don't mix, so I'll just watch you guys do your thing.

SPEAKER_02 51:02

Uh-huh. It's fine. So you would watch them do the do the drugs and do the gambling and all that stuff. And so so what I I don't understand why why was this a bad decision in a sense of what happened?

SPEAKER_04 51:16

Because he was a brokeie, and in the end, he would like cause damage to my apartment, break plates, not account accountability was too hard. I have to wash his laundry.

SPEAKER_02 51:26

So it wasn't so much that it was a bad decision because he was an addict and he had gambling issues, it was more so that he started causing issues in your life that made it a bad decision.

SPEAKER_04 51:39

Got too comfortable too soon.

SPEAKER_02 51:42

Okay. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Uh-huh. Interesting. Okay. So what's what's uh what is a um what is an ideal partner for you?

SPEAKER_04 51:55

Intellect, same page, shared moral values, and somebody who is more of a partner rather than an object. You'd have to have the same mindset, like same goals, you want to win together. Power couple shit.

SPEAKER_01 52:10

Mm-hmm. Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_04 52:12

And I respect communication as top tier top tier. Top tier communication.

SPEAKER_02 52:17

Are you are you do you do you have a preference when it comes to their habits of drinking and doing drugs?

SPEAKER_04 52:24

No, as long as they can um contain themselves. Okay. And they're functioning.

SPEAKER_02 52:28

Interesting. Interesting. Um, don't you think that given your your track record, that it might be a better idea to find people that avoid alcohol and drugs at all cost?

SPEAKER_04 52:46

Uh alcohol in moderation is okay. Drugs, it's only acceptable during certain events, not as an everyday habit, everything in balance.

SPEAKER_02 52:57

I would understand that if that applied to somebody who didn't who hadn't who hadn't gone through the experiences you have gone through.

SPEAKER_04 53:07

Oh, I've healed from it and also.

SPEAKER_02 53:09

I understand you've healed from it. But but it's but but it but it creates a pattern of behavior because when you select those people that are prone to either drinking a lot or doing drugs.

SPEAKER_04 53:21

It's everywhere though.

SPEAKER_02 53:24

Well, it's not everywhere, but it is to some extent. Yeah. Right. In like, for example, Zach is like a very good example of this, which is like he'll drink, you know, like a normal person does, um, maybe on a Friday, maybe on a Saturday. You'll never see him wasted, like falling off. He doesn't do any drugs, right? So that that to me would be somebody who you you you know you're not gonna have any issues with.

SPEAKER_04 53:50

This is what I fuck with smoking weed, dabs, alcohol here and there, and I'm chill.

SPEAKER_03 53:57

Do you think though that there's part of you that subconsciously likes the excitement of and the kind of like instability of like somebody who does do a lot of drugs? And like not that you like it, but like it's like you never know what's gonna happen next. It's like a movie, it's like exciting, you know.

SPEAKER_04 54:16

From ages 21 to 24, that was my thing. But after 25, I got so tired of it that I actually crave peace. And you know, people who do a lot of drugs, like your preferences on drugs or vices, is really what shows what you are desperately craving the most. People who do cocaine, they crave power, they crave control. People who drink and smoke, they crave peace, silence, less anxiety.

SPEAKER_03 54:47

I agree for smoking. I don't know about drinking.

SPEAKER_04 54:50

Some people are different.

SPEAKER_03 54:52

Drinking could go a couple different ways.

SPEAKER_04 54:54

Yeah, like this is you know, like, okay, wine, chill, tequila, your clothes are gone. That's a different story. But there's levels to it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, like moderation.

SPEAKER_02 55:05

Mm-hmm. Interesting. Okay. Um, what's actually funny is how some of you people here actively ridicule a legitimate victim of depravity. You um you lot should should be on a watch list. Well, I guess he or she is also. Well, he, I guess his name is Jacob. Um supporting you.

SPEAKER_04 55:36

Oh, how's it duh? Was that not? Hello, I look like a detention desk.

SPEAKER_02 55:50

That's funny. Wow, you did a lot without trying to find out why you chose a guy like that to do that and more. You did a lot and that's a lot to go through.

SPEAKER_04 56:05

Well, now I know why I made bad decisions.

SPEAKER_02 56:11

Someone's that intentionally pet the shark or lion and gotten bit or got bit bitten and blamed the environment.

SPEAKER_04 56:21

More like I was swimming in the ocean and it came up to me.

SPEAKER_03 56:24

Also, sharks and lions don't exactly have like moral values and like decision making because they're not humans.

SPEAKER_02 56:35

Right. Yeah, I mean, uh, he's essentially suggesting that human beings are animals and have no self-control.

SPEAKER_04 56:43

Uh, he is probably one of those humans with no self-control.

unknown 56:46

Right.

SPEAKER_02 56:49

Yeah, that's the last one. Oh, I want to roast.

SPEAKER_04 56:55

I love that.

SPEAKER_03 56:55

I mean, there's more, there are thousands, obviously. Oh, yeah. But you know, I was actually thinking, because it would be funny to roast our profiles because the only problem is I feel like 90% of the comments are gonna be guys with like fake profiles and no real picks on their profile.

SPEAKER_04 57:09

But it still will link back to them because of IP address and it will contaminate.

SPEAKER_03 57:13

Oh, you know how to like find them? Like find their real profile basically and their employers. No way.

SPEAKER_04 57:20

Yeah, from their Instagram? Yeah, it's called a little bit of coding.

SPEAKER_03 57:24

I did it Is there a website I can do this with? No. So I can find some tools?

SPEAKER_04 57:28

I do F12 developer tools. Oh. If you have a if you have a Windows and the mic. Oh, the mic's on?

SPEAKER_02 57:36

No, speaking of the mic.

SPEAKER_04 57:37

Hello!

SPEAKER_02 57:39

I'm just saying, pull it when you're talking to him.

SPEAKER_04 57:42

Hello. It's me again. I've been thinking ways to find people's employers online. Are you proud? Does your wife know? So, is that the end of the podcast or no?

SPEAKER_02 58:02

Well, no, that is that is the end of the comments, not the end of the podcast. My bad. So, no, you were talking about the coding. That was so you could find these people.

SPEAKER_04 58:15

No. I don't know how to do that. I'm just a bimbo with detention desk tattoos.

SPEAKER_02 58:26

Why do you love this whole detention desk thing? What's this obsession with the whole detention desk?

SPEAKER_04 58:31

Well, if everyone's already like she's been ran through, it's more like I've been sat on and good memories have been made with me.

SPEAKER_03 58:39

Oh, that's a good metaphor, actually.

SPEAKER_04 58:41

I'm a detention desk. And you need a timeout.

SPEAKER_03 58:44

And you're in trouble.

SPEAKER_04 58:46

And you're in trouble. Don't open the desk.

SPEAKER_02 58:53

What's the uh since you're 30 now, what's the 10-year goal?

SPEAKER_04 58:57

Uh Roth IRA 401k. Uh multiple property investment type shit. And probably not crypto, but also I have an LLC under the works. It's already been filed, but I cannot tell you

Work, Independence, And Ten‑Year Goals

SPEAKER_04 59:10

guys what I'm doing. But I will give you a hint. This is Hello Titty.

SPEAKER_03 59:18

And that's about it. Wait, did you make that?

SPEAKER_04 59:20

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 59:21

You oh, I thought you got that somewhere.

SPEAKER_04 59:23

No, like I'll buy like um a Louis Vuitton belt, cut it up, and make it into like bangle necklaces or like other shit. Fun fun stuff, you know.

SPEAKER_03 59:32

I see, I see, I see.

SPEAKER_04 59:33

What is it called? Riff repurpose shit?

SPEAKER_03 59:35

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 59:36

Fun shit.

SPEAKER_02 59:38

So the idea is to be self sufficient, independent, and uh within the next ten years just you know, hustle.

SPEAKER_04 59:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 59:48

And make money.

SPEAKER_04 59:49

Heal childhood trauma, live life, like maybe get a house in Thailand for the lols.

SPEAKER_03 59:56

So it sounds like you want to do the opposite of like your. Like early 20s of like parting drugs, craziness.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:04

I'm so over it because you know what? We're all gonna die. So you might as well die happy instead of trying to run away from sadness.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:12

You're gonna have the reverse mid like midlife crisis. Yeah. Like most people like never did anything, and they're like, I'm gonna go do some drugs now. I mean, like you're like, I already did that. Now I'm going the other opposite direction.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:24

It's like the goody two shoes that were in like Columbia University or like blah blah blah, Juilliard. They never got to live through this experience. High school, you probably went to like a Catholic, private, whatever, and you were goody two shoes your whole life, and now that you've tasted Coachella, you're suddenly a whore. You know? And then some people have late blossomings, early blossomings, but then if you started drinking at 16, by the time you're 25, it doesn't mean shit. It's not as fun anymore. And you really want to selectively see your people. Whereas someone starts drinking at 25 and they become crash out. I'm glad I crashed out early. Because now I know the difference.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:08

You said that you're not gonna date anybody and you're not gonna get married. Does that mean you're gonna be celibate for the next 10 years?

SPEAKER_04 1:01:18

Nah. I do OnlyFans with girls and like friends, but those friends are always like we know we don't have feelings for each other like that. So it's more like we're keeping a small circle, and I don't care about romantically dating people anymore because I've given enough time. I've given possibly two decades since high school. So, like, why? You know, and Vogue came out with an article that searching for a serious lover after 28 is really just an embarrassment. You should be focusing on yourself.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:54

I think that's a little exaggerated and not particularly accurate.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:58

No, I heard if you're a girl over the age of I think it's 33 when you're not getting if you're not married yet, it's like you have a better chance of getting hit by an asteroid than having a successful marriage.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:11

So I'd rather just chase the fucking bag. Start married to the money, married to the money.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:16

Married to the money, married to the game.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:18

Married to the money, I ain't never let it go.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:20

Yeah, I ain't never let it go.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:22

Seriously.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:23

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:23

And like whatever comes my way, dick a plenty, but then it's not gonna be serious. And if it is serious, I'll know.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:30

So are you able to because a lot of girls, once they have sex, then they fall in love. Are you able to completely separate that? Like a Scorpio. Okay.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:39

To me, it's like I could rate it and I'll be like, was it worth it? Do I want that person back in the bed? I should burn my sheets. Sometimes it's not worth it. So it's like, why bother? Save my time. And I can tell a person's res, like if a guy with a big dick doesn't have to flex. The big dick energy speaks for itself. The more they try to defend, the tinier the pee-pee is. That's called small pee pee gang. Small pee-pee's matter, but you at least gotta have personality.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:09

Yeah, yeah. Have you ever had sex with a guy with a micropenis?

SPEAKER_04 1:03:16

No, because it wouldn't even go anywhere.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:20

Well, like, has he ever like pulled his pants down and you're like, oh fuck.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:23

Yeah, I left.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:24

Oh, you just dipped?

SPEAKER_04 1:03:25

He was a really sweet guy.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:26

Did you say anything where you're like, yeah, bro, sorry, I can't do this.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:28

I tried to drink a whole beer and it didn't work. So I left.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:36

Interesting, uh interesting life you live. I know. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:42

I didn't ask for it.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:44

Well, currently you are living the life that you're asking for.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:47

I guess so.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:48

Must be my fault.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:50

Well, you don't think that currently you live the life that you want?

SPEAKER_04 1:03:53

I am actually pretty happy because I pretty much I mean, one time this guy FaceTimed me for $2,000 and was like, tell me what to do, and I was wearing a hoodie, and he was like, I want like humiliate me. So I was like, okay, take a Swiffer mop, shove it up your ass, and put on a maid dress and jerk to it. You want to see?

SPEAKER_03 1:04:13

No.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:14

I have proof though. I know it's not for them, but I I would prefer it to go be that he did.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:22

So he did what?

SPEAKER_04 1:04:23

Jerk it in a maid dress.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:25

Uh-huh. So he did that.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:26

And he put a Swiffer mup up his ass.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:28

Season finale.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:29

He did all that. For me. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. And then and then this is this is a guy on OnlyFans that he's No, not even.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:37

Just a random fucking like person. I'm he owns a COVID lab.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:42

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:43

So that's enough to get me in trouble. Yeah. But he owns a COVID lab. And I was like, okay, sure, we could FaceTime. Like you go do that in your booty. And I'm wearing like a fucking hoodie.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:54

So he's paying you to humiliate him.

unknown 1:04:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:59

Humiliation kinks.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:00

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then uh. And then I'm assuming there's like a lot of these. There is.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:07

There is, surprisingly. And a lot of people are like hard to believe it, but then it's like it's not that hard to believe.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:14

Mm-hmm. Yeah. We should probably have some of these people on the podcast and have a conversation with them.

Identity, Neurodivergence, And Reinvention

SPEAKER_03 1:05:20

Oh, that would be a crazy. Oh, we could like have them come on and then she like pops out of the closet, like, guess what? I'm here to. And then we like roast them on the show.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:29

It's interesting to me because I I don't know. I mean, I don't I don't know anybody in our circle of people, friends, right? That I would say, well.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:44

Would like being humiliated.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:46

Right, right, right.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:47

Yeah, there's a couple like I don't think they'd admit it, but maybe behind closed doors. Yeah. Like if I was the one humiliating them, I get that. Like that'd be kind of fun, you know. Not in like a bad way, just like in like a kinky way, you know. That'd be kind of fun. I don't want them doing that to me.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:07

That is funny. I I think I think it comes from a place of constant control that they've that they they they've had to force themselves to be in control all the time.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:20

I've heard that, like CEOs and stuff like that. Yeah. They're always in control, so they want to not be in control.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:27

But so sort of a desire to balance the the plates a bit. Yeah. Perhaps. But but I mean, I still don't understand it because I I want to be in control all the time. And I have no problem being in control all the time. So it's kind of interesting to me.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:44

But have you ever tried it?

SPEAKER_02 1:06:46

Not be in control?

SPEAKER_03 1:06:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:49

I mean.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:50

I'd let a girl tie you up, you know?

SPEAKER_02 1:06:54

I I well, it's actually interesting because there was a girl once who who tried to be dominant.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:04

And and I did not, like it just was like kind of it was it was not attractive to me at all.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:13

Yeah, I had a girl once who was like riding me and she like pinned my hands down, and I was like, I don't think so.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:20

Pretty much, pretty much. Right. Yeah. So it's so it's interesting to me. So I guess I understand in a na in in a in a in a sense that when uh when somebody is perhaps uh naturally submissive, but they have to in an environment of work or professional area have to be dominant because that's what's required.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:45

Yeah, you know the other thing though, too. I don't know if you've heard this. So my barber um used to like cut the hair of like, it was like some rapper celebrity, like his manager or something, right? So he'd get all these stories about like all these like celebrities and stuff, and he said that so many of the top celebrities are into some weird ass shit. Like they're into gay stuff, or they're into like being like their balls clamped or like some weird stuff. And he said it's just like when you're at that level and girls are just throwing themselves at you, you just have like so much sex with so many girls that you just get bored and desentize what else. Okay, how about if she ties me up? How about she pegs me now? You know, and it just gets like weird, or even like do you see the Charlie Sheen documentary? No, yeah, he was like he said he used to have like gay sex, and he was like, I wasn't gay, I was just bored. Correct it's like a weird thing, it's like you just have so much, you know. Crazy.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:44

Interesting. What do you think is the psychology uh psychological uh psychological background um and reasoning for people who desire this sort of humiliation?

SPEAKER_04 1:09:00

People who are of power or haven't gotten power before. For instance, I just humiliated this litigation paralegal because a litigation paralegal is technically a lawyer's bitch that handles the paperwork in court. So this guy probably hasn't been able to boss someone around, and he probably feels this way because he works with a bunch of females that boss him around.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:25

But then wait, if they all boss him around though, and then you're humiliating him.

SPEAKER_04 1:09:32

He likes a weird type of humiliation kink with his dick, like piercing it, tattooing it, that's a different level of psychosis.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:42

But I'm saying if he gets bossed around all the time from women at his work, wouldn't he want something opposite in the bedroom? Or no, like that like turns him on because he gets bossed around all the time.

SPEAKER_04 1:09:52

Could be both. Interesting. Because it's weird. I don't understand.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:57

Or maybe he gets like boss, he just like his brain is anchored women with bossing them around, so then it kind of like turns him on, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_04 1:10:06

Probably.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:07

I always wonder that like if you stroked it to gay porn every day for like I don't know, six months, would eventually you start becoming attracted to it because your brain would like anchor the physical sensation.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:21

I mean, that's how I kind of got into girls. Because like I appreciate the women's physique, and also I'm pretty sure. But it doesn't mean like I would fuck every girl. I got standards.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:34

What's your type for girls?

SPEAKER_04 1:10:35

Well, first we have to be able to talk for hours.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:39

You like the emotional connection?

SPEAKER_04 1:10:41

Of course. With girls, especially.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:44

And do you like more like masculine girls or feminine girls?

SPEAKER_04 1:10:48

I could do both.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:49

Okay. So it's just really about like if you click.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:52

Mm-hmm. And I don't care if she has a husband. I don't give a shit.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:01

Well, yeah, I guess most well, some husbands probably don't, but some might.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:07

Well, I've had three ways, three-way relationships twice. So it worked out quite well. In the end, I just had to move out of Seattle because I was like, hey, I found a new job. They got married in the living room.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:21

Interesting. I'm I'm really curious to know how it feels like to be in a relationship with you because it seems like what's normal to me and like what I would consider as like a um a day-to-day just being able to like be around you would be a little too over stimulating for me.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:52

Yeah, not everyone's equipped.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:53

Yeah, because I feel like you're just like so like you know, Rembonctious. Sure.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:01

Hectic?

SPEAKER_02 1:12:02

Hectic is the word.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:03

I would say I'm a neutral chaotic. Balanced neutral chaotic. It's an on and off switch that I can, you know.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:10

Control.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:11

Uh-huh. Interesting. Interesting. Yeah, you're you're you're fascinating.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:18

You seem terrified.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:19

I'm not terrified of anything. I just uh I just think I just think it's it's very fascinating how um how someone like you functions on a day-to-day basis.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:33

Well excuse me for the sob story, but uh yeah, I was on meds as a kid because my mom thought like being artistic as an Asian was weird. And the whole playing piano, the whole violin shit, like blah blah blah blah blah. We talked about this last time. For me, it's like I compartmentalize things differently. Plus, I had a lot of siblings, so you get to watch things and learn from their mistakes before you do that. For me, it's like I kind of adapted to a new mindset after breaking free, like emancipation of my parents. So after emancipation, it was like I lived in a whole new fucking world. Like Ariel came out of the water. Basically.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:29

Interesting.

Closing Reflections And Next Steps

SPEAKER_04 1:13:30

Like being a little meek motherfucker.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:35

Well, thanks again. Once again, for uh your honesty, openness, and uh for coming back on the show.

SPEAKER_04 1:13:43

Oh, thank you for having me, guys.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:45

Absolutely. We'll probably end up having you again.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:51

We'll get the comments from this episode. Oh, yeah, we'll be like, There you go.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:57

Thanks for watching. We'll see you later.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:58

Peace out.