She Broke Up At A Baptism And Chose Herself Ft. Amberlynn - Ep.177

Special thanks to Amberlynn for being a part of this episode of Unattainable Podcast Show 

We trace Amber’s path from ending a relationship at her mom’s baptism to finding calm in ER nursing while untangling grief, faith, and attachment. It’s raw, funny, and grounded in hard-won boundaries about love, sex, and what belief means when life hurts.

• breaking up at a baptism to stop settling
• cheating, stalking, and the moment the switch flipped
• high sex drive, monogamy, and “recycling” partners
• male friendships and where lines hold
• petty revenge, the bedroom interception, and aftermath
• teen pregnancy, absent father, and family fallout
• faith vs atheism, afterlife fears, and grief
• nursing school stress, ER purpose, and anxiety relief
• attachment styles shaping dating choices
• clear dating criteria, kids, and future hopes

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Transcript

Meet Amber: Life, Signs, Backstory

SPEAKER_00 0:00

My name is Amber and I'm in nursing school and I do internet sales. I broke up with him at the baptism. I didn't feel like he loved me until I left him. When he started following these girls, um, I was like, unfollow them. Or I'm breaking up with you. And he's like, I don't know how to unfollow. I was like, are you an idiot? I grew up like a tomboy. I was the last virgin in my like friend group. My dad's an atheist and she thought she could change him. Why would God let this innocent person die? That's the only time I don't feel anxiety, honestly, is when I'm helping other people. I have like a high sex draw. No, they actually went to go to bed. I went in there and they were just not hooking up, and I got right in between them. She was on drugs.

SPEAKER_03 0:41

And then did you ever talk to that guy again?

SPEAKER_00 0:43

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 0:49

Welcome to Unattainable. Glad to have you with us. I'm your host, Zach Givens, here with my co-host Mohammed Moley. Today we got a special guest on the show. This is Amber. Amber, why don't you go ahead and introduce yourself to everybody, your name, uh, what you do, and your star sign.

SPEAKER_00 1:05

Star sign? I haven't been asked that in quite a while. My name is Amber, and I'm in nursing school and I do internet cells.

SPEAKER_01 1:13

Awesome. And Star sign?

SPEAKER_00 1:16

Oh shit. Um, Gemini. Wait, what's a star sign? Horsecope. Horoscope. Oh, okay. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:22

Yeah, yeah. We know all about Gemini's though.

SPEAKER_00 1:24

I don't even know what they mean. Yeah, no.

SPEAKER_01 1:28

Crazy. Yeah, you can't do it. Supposedly like hot and cold or Gemini's like the most evil and like two-faced. It's literally the twins. So like one personality's nice and the other one will stab you behind your back. Not you, but like all the other two.

SPEAKER_00 1:41

I would say nice, and the other ones, I can't get crazy.

SPEAKER_01 1:44

The crazy part. Yeah. Well, what did I tell you about inviting toxic people on the show?

SPEAKER_03 1:49

Unfortunate. Unfortunate. How old are you?

SPEAKER_00 1:52

I'm 35.

SPEAKER_03 1:53

35. Yeah. And where were you born?

SPEAKER_00 1:57

Uh in Realta. Well, Fontana, technically, at the hospital. California. Yeah. California.

SPEAKER_03 2:03

And then were you also raised in California?

SPEAKER_00 2:05

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_03 2:06

Yeah. Tell us a little about um tell us a little about yourself, what you do, um. How your uh upbringing was, your relationship status.

SPEAKER_00 2:18

Um I'm single. I've been single for like I don't even want to say it. Like almost nine years now. Like single, single. Um, I broke up with my last serious boyfriend at my my

Breaking Up At The Baptism

SPEAKER_00 2:35

mom got diagnosed with cancer um late stage.

SPEAKER_03 2:39

Ten years ago?

SPEAKER_00 2:40

Um 2016.

SPEAKER_03 2:43

20 about 10 years ago.

SPEAKER_00 2:45

Yeah. 2017. And um at her baptism, that was the one last thing she wanted to do before she went into surgery, and I broke up with him at the baptism.

SPEAKER_04 2:55

Why?

SPEAKER_00 2:56

I didn't want to s I figured I was settling, and I'm like, I'm never gonna settle again, like my mom's dying. And then um haven't met someone that is more than settling since.

SPEAKER_01 3:06

So In what way were did you feel like you were settling?

SPEAKER_00 3:10

Um, because I could I told him I was I we were supposed to go to my uh family's, they were gonna have like a little after party after, like at my my aunt's house, and um he was like, So do you want me to meet you there? I was like, I actually don't like um and he's like what and I was like, I can't be myself around you. And like he would get angry about little things, my little quirks, my weirdness, goofiness, and that's who I am. And I was like, I can't be walking on eggshells, and I want to be myself around my family, and I don't want either. That's how it ended, and that's how I felt that I was never gonna let anyone or b be in a situation like that.

SPEAKER_01 3:52

So you s you if it sounds like you didn't really have a like true connection with him, and you didn't feel like you could just let go and like, hey, this is who I am and let him all the way in.

SPEAKER_00 4:01

Um I was completely in love with him, but he just did not give me enough. Um and yeah, he uh would get angry, I would say. Um I didn't feel like he loved me until I left him, and then he stalked me.

SPEAKER_01 4:19

And then all of a sudden he lost it.

SPEAKER_00 4:21

Yeah, literally like stalking me, like getting in my car, opening the door, leaving donuts on my car at work, like crazy stuff, but yeah. Same with my first boyfriend too. Stalked me right after.

SPEAKER_01 4:35

Gemini's have this effect on people. That's what they say. So, so when okay, look, be honest, when when they wanted you back, was part of you kind of like, yeah, like you missed out, motherfucker. You missed out, buddy.

SPEAKER_00 4:49

No, so the first one, um, it was like a switch flipped. It was like all of a sudden, like I mean, he cheated on me like with 23 different girls. Oh, the first one. And um, I kept going back. I kept going back.

SPEAKER_03 5:06

And um How does the count of 23 come

Cheating, Stalking, And Letting Go

SPEAKER_03 5:10

about?

SPEAKER_00 5:10

He told my so my guy at the time or my friend at the time was a guy uh best friend, and he told my best friend that he's cheated on your 23. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 5:20

He counted it, kept track.

SPEAKER_00 5:22

Well, he was he did uh his line of work uh had like groupies, so and I would get messages on face or it was my space back then saying like I'm pregnant with your bag boyfriend. Yeah, and stuff like that. So yeah, I believed it. I don't know why he would tell my best friend, like my best friend what he's gonna tell me.

SPEAKER_01 5:45

Yeah, but I mean at that point it sounds like he wants to get caught almost, maybe subconsciously.

SPEAKER_00 5:51

And then his dad was the one that told me uh he asked me to drive out to go to dinner with him, the dad, and laid out like details about like a long relationship he had, yeah, in Australia.

SPEAKER_01 6:06

But so you're so his dad kind of was like, uh my son's kind of a piece of shit. I'm gonna help out. I kinda like the girl, she's a sweetheart. I don't want her to get fucked over. He still didn't think I would leave him, but I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 6:23

I think he wanted him to be alone. He kind of ratted up his son. Yeah, I know.

SPEAKER_01 6:27

I don't have a son, so I don't know what it'd be like, but I feel like I like I might have a stern talking to with him, but I don't think I'll rat it up.

SPEAKER_00 6:34

I thought about that the other day, and I was like crazy. Like I'm surprised he didn't like get in a fist fight with his dad or something over it.

SPEAKER_05 6:43

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 6:44

Like, I went to a it was actually a a team meeting, their like sponsors' team meeting, and I'm like sitting just waiting for the dad to give me these details, like eating, and then yeah, it's kind of weird.

SPEAKER_01 7:00

Crazy. Crazy.

SPEAKER_03 7:01

So then when you decided to break up with him, that was before you knew the 23 guys or after?

SPEAKER_00 7:09

After, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 7:11

Okay. Okay. So you didn't find out until later on. Yeah, I found out. But you knew he was cheating on you.

SPEAKER_00 7:16

I had a like I th I kept telling myself, it's not real, it's not real. You know, he was my first love. So it's kind of like how old were you at this point? So I was with him from 18 to uh 22.

SPEAKER_03 7:31

Okay. So four years, and then he cheated on you a bunch of times. And what finally made you break up with him?

SPEAKER_00 7:41

Um he was sitting at a conference and he was texting me that he was gonna hook up with this girl sitting next to him.

SPEAKER_01 7:50

Wait, what? Who is this guy? Is he just like he wants to get caught?

SPEAKER_00 7:54

Like and well, because he got so I finally got back at him and I got with someone and I told him.

SPEAKER_01 8:01

Okay, so he was like, I'll show you.

SPEAKER_00 8:03

And he and the person I got with, he was in the same city as the person. So, um, so I think it was bugging him, like sh like I'm in the same city where the guy is, you know, and so you weren't so innocent.

SPEAKER_03 8:16

You guys were in an act of toxic relationship.

SPEAKER_00 8:19

Um, no, I only did it once with someone at the like two months before the breakup. Well, at that time we were like so hidden, like because I was ashamed and my parents hated him. And we just um how he was to me. Which was cheated on me all the time and um Yeah, pretty openly. I mean I seen his phone records and all that, so uh-huh.

SPEAKER_03 8:49

Okay, so then you after when he says that he's gonna hook up with the with the girl at the conference, you say I honestly can't remember exactly what I said, but it's somewhere like I don't care.

SPEAKER_00 9:00

Okay, yeah, yeah. Like that's when the the switch flipped. It was just like why should I care? What what are you trying to make me feel like right now? Right. You know?

SPEAKER_03 9:10

And then afterwards you the next person you dated, he also cheated on you?

SPEAKER_00 9:15

Um one he was in a a

The “Three Loves” Theory And Dating Pause

SPEAKER_00 9:20

show and he was in a You mean he was a performer in a show?

SPEAKER_03 9:24

Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_00 9:24

Yeah. Um and he was touring in Europe and I started seeing that he was following these girls, and so I had an inkling about it. But then after we broke up, maybe like a year or so, I met up with someone in his um show. We just hung out when they were in town, and he told me about all these girls, and I was like, Yeah, it makes sense. But no hard proof, you know. But and then he played this do a part because when he started following all these girls, um, I was like, unfollow them or I'm breaking up with you. And he's like, I don't know how to unfollow. I was like, Are you an idiot? Go push the fucking unfollow button. Uh-huh. And yeah. And over a couple when I stopped talking to him, he kept unfollowing little by little, like every day.

SPEAKER_01 10:18

But so, so when you say show, you mean musician. He was a musician. No. What what do you mean show?

SPEAKER_00 10:25

He was in Chippin' House.

SPEAKER_01 10:26

Oh, oh, gotcha. Like a like performance show.

SPEAKER_00 10:29

Yeah. Alright, yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_01 10:31

This is starting to add up now. I gotta see what's happening.

SPEAKER_00 10:34

The other one he uh raced turt bikes uh super cross.

SPEAKER_01 10:39

Like gotcha, gotcha, gotcha.

SPEAKER_03 10:41

And then the boyfriend after?

SPEAKER_00 10:44

Just those two.

SPEAKER_03 10:45

Oh, you've only dated two people?

SPEAKER_00 10:47

Like, seriously, where I call them boyfriend.

SPEAKER_01 10:50

Well, I have good news for you. Have you heard of three loves theory?

SPEAKER_00 10:52

No.

SPEAKER_01 10:53

Alright, so the theory is you have three loves in your life, three big loves in your life. You have your first love, which is like, you know, you think it's gonna last forever because you just don't know any better, you have no idea what's going on. Yeah. Then your second love is your toxic love, and that's the one that that teaches you all the life lessons, just breaks you down, and you actually learn what you actually want in a relationship. And you know, before, oh, I want somebody who's, you know, obsessed with me, and blah blah blah, and then you get in a relationship, you're like, actually, this kind of sucks. I want someone who's more independent or whatever it is. Yeah, and then the third one is your soulmate, but you can't meet your soulmate until you go through the second one first, because then you would meet your soulmate and not even realize that that's what you want on a partner because you never went through the toxic one. So you had to go through the toxic one. But it sounds like you went through the bad ones and then you gave up on dating for nine years before you got to the good one.

SPEAKER_00 11:48

I didn't give up, but are you actively dating?

SPEAKER_03 11:53

Not um When was the last time you went on a date?

SPEAKER_00 11:55

So I was seeing someone from like July June to November. Um why'd that end?

High Sex Drive And “Recycling” Partners

SPEAKER_00 12:05

Schedules and um so I have like a high sex drive, which kind of scares some men away, I guess. What's the idea? It's really funny. Um really high sex drive.

SPEAKER_02 12:19

Define high.

SPEAKER_00 12:20

Like I've broken up or like even situationships I've had like that lasted like three months or four months. I've broken up just because like they can't keep up with me or get upset, like oh I'm tired. I'm like, this I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 12:38

But are you talking about like four times a day? Yeah, like how many times a day are we going to be?

SPEAKER_00 12:42

No, at least like once or twice. But then again it's reasonable. Uh well with the last one I from June to November, I only s got to see him like one or two times a month.

SPEAKER_03 12:55

Oh, because it was a long distance away.

SPEAKER_00 12:56

Yeah, so then if we would spend like three days in a row together or something, it's like, well, hello, I haven't seen you in a month, you know?

SPEAKER_03 13:04

So you want to sleep with them twenty times. Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:06

In three days.

SPEAKER_01 13:07

That makes sense. You gotta make up for it, yeah. That's how it works. You gotta like bank some for the future, you know what I mean? Oh yeah. Gotcha.

SPEAKER_00 13:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 13:15

So then why not just be in an open relationship at that point?

SPEAKER_00 13:18

I don't like to share.

SPEAKER_03 13:20

Uh I don't You rather break up. Yeah. Okay. And then just not have sex at all.

SPEAKER_00 13:27

Yeah. No, but yeah. Okay. Um, yeah. So I I guess I would use the word that I've done over the past like five years is recycle.

SPEAKER_03 13:41

What what does that mean?

SPEAKER_00 13:43

Um, where I kept like three guys in my life that I would just sleep with. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:49

Okay. Good from the environment recycling. You know, no wasted energy, no wasted time, you know.

SPEAKER_00 13:56

No wasted numbers.

SPEAKER_03 13:57

This is what women do to trick themselves that their body count doesn't go up.

SPEAKER_00 14:00

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 14:01

I mean, I'm not I'm not gonna pretend like I've not not done the similar thing multiple times.

SPEAKER_00 14:06

But then they know what you know what they like, they know what you like.

SPEAKER_01 14:09

It's easier, you don't have to oh now we gotta go on a date.

SPEAKER_00 14:11

We're gonna have to like each other.

SPEAKER_01 14:13

You gotta like, oh, I'm like, I'm tired. You know what I mean? It's just like, hey, come over, okay, cool. Yeah, so that is pretty much and are any of those guys like, oh man, I'm in love with you, and you keep breaking my heart. Or they kind of like, nah, I know what this is, okay, this is funny.

SPEAKER_00 14:30

No, we know what it is. Like I was in love with one of them. Um was? Yeah. I I had a break down with him. I mean, we and um now we're we're friends and we still like talk and I'm best friends with like his best friends and so it seems like you have a lot of guy best friends. Yep.

SPEAKER_03 14:57

I grew up a tomboy, so is it do you do guys that you date find that intimidating? Um or an issue?

SPEAKER_00 15:07

No. Not at um like not told they haven't told me.

SPEAKER_03 15:13

Are you best friends with guys that you've slept with? Or is it you've never slept with them?

SPEAKER_00 15:17

Um, just no. I wouldn't call him a best friend. His friend, I see him like a best friend, like but No, no.

SPEAKER_03 15:27

What I'm asking is the guy the guys that you call best friends. Oh have you slept with them?

SPEAKER_00 15:32

No. No, no.

SPEAKER_03 15:34

It's purely protonic. You would never sleep with them. Yeah. Do they want to sleep with you?

SPEAKER_00 15:39

I don't know. Um, I don't know. Sounds like a yes.

SPEAKER_03 15:45

I mean basically, if that if you told them you were like, hey, would you want to have sex? They'll say yes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:51

They're dudes. Like, hello.

SPEAKER_01 15:54

Yeah, but they're yeah, because there's a difference. Like, there's like two types. There's like like guys who have female friends and they're like, Oh yeah, if she said yes, I'll definitely do it, but I'm also okay being friends. And then there's the orbiters, we call them orbiters. It's like, it's like you're here and they're just like waiting for the shop. They're just waiting for to be like one day she's gonna be sad and crying over X, and this is my chance, baby.

SPEAKER_00 16:18

No, no, not like that.

SPEAKER_01 16:19

That's good.

SPEAKER_00 16:20

No, the one we would talk on the phone like twice a day. I've known him since I was 17. Um and we would talk on the phone like twice a day until I went to nursing school, and we just we would talk to shit, like he'd be like, I hooked up and scroll my truck last night, and this and that, like a guy conversation, you know, like that's how it is. Yeah. And we feel comfortable with each other, and then my the other one, like, so they're all like Navy SEALs and just cool people, like they we'd dive bars and feeding each other peanuts and Pacific Beach is pretty crazy, but I'll have to check it out sometime.

SPEAKER_01 17:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 17:01

If we talk to all your exes, what would they say is your biggest red flag?

SPEAKER_00 17:09

Probably that I fall too fast.

SPEAKER_01 17:13

You're clumsy.

SPEAKER_00 17:14

Clumsy?

SPEAKER_01 17:15

You fall too much.

SPEAKER_03 17:17

No, like falling in love.

SPEAKER_01 17:19

Oh, oh, oh, fall in love. Watch out through some stairs.

SPEAKER_05 17:27

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_03 17:28

That was funny.

SPEAKER_01 17:29

That sounds like a fake red flag. Yeah, it does sound like I'm just too nice.

SPEAKER_03 17:34

Sounds

Tomboy Roots And Male Friendships

SPEAKER_03 17:35

like something you made up just to make yourself feel better.

SPEAKER_00 17:38

I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 17:39

Um You don't think you have any red flag.

SPEAKER_00 17:47

I I mean I love like military men.

SPEAKER_03 17:52

Um how is this a red flag?

SPEAKER_00 17:55

I don't know. I don't really know what um I do get crazy. Okay. Okay, so maybe that, maybe that.

SPEAKER_03 18:04

Define crazy.

SPEAKER_00 18:06

Um like I can get back at you kind of thing. Like one time I just got hired at a bar just because I knew it was that guy's favorite bar. So I can get him um 86 out of the bar type of thing. Um one time I hid like there's another girl involved, and I like hid phones under the their phones under the bed so they couldn't find their phones when I left. I don't know. Like just like petties, though. Yeah, like old things.

SPEAKER_03 18:41

Is that is that are those the worst things you've ever done? I feel like there are worse things you've done.

SPEAKER_00 18:47

Um that phone thing, I thought I didn't know how I didn't do worse that night actually.

SPEAKER_03 18:57

Why, what happened?

SPEAKER_00 18:59

It was bad. Um the person I was like I drove like three hours to see him, and he brought another girl home and then went in his room and shut the door.

SPEAKER_01 19:13

So Did you surprise him or did he know you were coming?

SPEAKER_00 19:16

No, he knew I was coming.

SPEAKER_01 19:17

And he just said, fuck it.

SPEAKER_03 19:19

You were dating him? I'm confused.

SPEAKER_00 19:21

It was like the situation ship type thing.

SPEAKER_03 19:23

But it was clear you're coming over to see him forever.

SPEAKER_00 19:26

Yeah, so crazy.

SPEAKER_03 19:27

No, and then and then he did what?

SPEAKER_00 19:29

He so his other friends were in the living room, uh-huh. And then all of a sudden I didn't see him, and he went into his room with the girl.

SPEAKER_01 19:38

Oh, so we like snuck in there.

SPEAKER_03 19:40

So it was like a group of you guys.

SPEAKER_00 19:42

Yeah, there was a group of us in the living room hanging out.

SPEAKER_01 19:44

Yeah, and you guys were all hanging out, and then he's thinking, I'll do a quickie. She won't even know. She won't even realize I'm gone. I'll come back out, everything's normal, and then you know, we can.

SPEAKER_00 19:54

No, they actually went to go to bed. I went in there and they were just not hooking up, and I got right in between them.

SPEAKER_02 20:00

You did slept there?

SPEAKER_00 20:01

Yep. I slept right in between them. I was like, you're not if I'm not touching him, you're not touching them.

SPEAKER_03 20:07

Wait, so so you stomped him? You cocklocked him.

SPEAKER_00 20:10

Yep.

SPEAKER_03 20:10

Oh okay. Okay, you're terrible at telling stories. So this is like fucking pull it out of out of you. So so okay, so so you guys were hanging out. She he takes the girl, he goes to the bedroom to fuck her, and then you realize they're gone. You barge

Petty Revenge And The Bedroom Interception

SPEAKER_03 20:30

in, and they're at what point of sex are they?

SPEAKER_00 20:34

Nothing. They're just laying in bed. I think she was on drugs.

SPEAKER_03 20:38

Got it.

SPEAKER_00 20:38

Because she just came from the bar, like she hopped into the truck. Got it, and we were all together at the bar. Not her. She was like on the curb when we got out of the bar. And um, I started yelling at her, or at him, but towards her, like, why do you have this like F and whore in this fuck this bed? Like, what what the hell? Like, she's ugly. Just went off. And I was like, and he I was like, literally, like her, like why the hell her? She's ugly as shit. And like just, you know, in the moment. And he was like, I don't know, ask her. And I asked her, I was like, Why the fuck are you here? And she's like, I have no shame.

SPEAKER_01 21:14

I was like, at least she admitted it.

SPEAKER_00 21:16

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 21:17

I was like, fuck it.

SPEAKER_00 21:18

Wow, okay.

SPEAKER_05 21:19

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_01 21:20

To be fair though, I don't blame her for that. That's the guy's fault. Like, like to me, it's like if the guy is the one who invited you and you're coming for him, she's like, What do I owe you anything?

SPEAKER_00 21:30

You know, he was doing it to piss me off.

SPEAKER_01 21:32

Yeah, so I'll I mean, I'm not saying what the girl did was like nice, but I still think it's the dude's fault.

SPEAKER_00 21:38

And that's she would never get a guy like that, so I know what she was doing too.

SPEAKER_03 21:42

Like so, she says, I have no shame, and then you decide you'll join in the middle.

SPEAKER_00 21:51

Not I didn't not want anything to do with her. Not join. Yeah, I was interrupting.

SPEAKER_03 21:57

Sure, however you want to like get out of my mind. Sure, sure, however you want to word it. So so you went in the middle and then you slept with them. Now everybody's sleeping. Or pretending to sleep at least.

SPEAKER_00 22:13

I was.

SPEAKER_03 22:14

You slept.

SPEAKER_00 22:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 22:15

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 22:16

I think we all slept.

SPEAKER_03 22:17

Oh, okay. Yeah. Fascinating. Awkward in the morning?

SPEAKER_00 22:23

Um, yeah, that's when I hid the phones.

SPEAKER_03 22:26

Right. I was gonna ask. So you wake up in the morning, hide the phones, and then you bounce.

SPEAKER_00 22:30

I see.

SPEAKER_03 22:32

And then did you ever talk to that guy again?

SPEAKER_05 22:35

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 22:47

This is the country music.

SPEAKER_00 22:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:49

I can tell.

SPEAKER_00 22:51

Only country music.

SPEAKER_01 22:52

Like your life seems like a country music because I was like, yep, she got this truck. Then I saw her and I was mad. Then we drank a beer afterwards.

SPEAKER_00 23:00

Literally.

SPEAKER_03 23:03

That is hilarious. That is funny.

SPEAKER_00 23:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:05

And and okay, so you like hooked up with him a few times after that for a while.

SPEAKER_00 23:10

I still talk to him.

SPEAKER_01 23:16

Gemini, I told you. The signs are real. This is the evidence.

SPEAKER_00 23:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:23

Wow, that explains why he didn't want to tell that whole story.

SPEAKER_00 23:27

Almost five and a half years now.

SPEAKER_01 23:29

Okay, so is this I mean, is he just like super hot or like what's it what's the okay, so just so he's one of the rotation guys.

SPEAKER_00 23:36

Yeah. I mean, we haven't in a while, but we've messaged m all the not all the time, but he's just talking around there and yeah, keeping it. Yeah, but he moved East Coast, so that's so that's why back. Yeah, so where did he live before? New York, like upstate.

SPEAKER_03 23:54

Got it.

SPEAKER_00 23:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:55

No, no, no. I where did he live before? San Diego. Okay. For uh, I mean it was still far, I guess,

Co‑Parenting Void And Teen Pregnancy Fallout

SPEAKER_03 24:00

a little bit.

SPEAKER_00 24:00

But yeah, I worked out there too. Um for not when he that so that's when I got the job at the bar. And then I went back and got a job at a club out there as well, but the commute was just too much, especially gonna start nursing school, so yeah.

SPEAKER_03 24:20

You're in nursing school right now. Got it. How m how much longer do you have left?

SPEAKER_00 24:25

Uh till mid-July.

SPEAKER_03 24:28

Mid-July. And then so you'll become a nurse. Are you trying to become a stationary nurse or a traveling nurse?

SPEAKER_00 24:36

Uh you have to have one year experience to do travel. Um, I want to work in the ER, like clinical-wise, that's my favorite thing I've done. Um, I've thought about doing flight nursing too. But my son got accepted into Hawaii State for nursing. So I might try to get a job out there. Unless he gets San Diego, then we're going to San Diego.

SPEAKER_03 24:59

Your son is how old again?

SPEAKER_00 25:02

18.

SPEAKER_03 25:03

You were 17 when you had him?

SPEAKER_00 25:04

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_03 25:05

How does is that is that like a guy before that was before the relationship?

SPEAKER_00 25:11

Um, yeah, I wasn't so like I said, I I grew up like a tomboy. I was the last virgin in my like friend group, and I was like, I just want to know what sex is like. So I hooked up with my best friend, which was the guy's best friend. They gave me the go-ahead, they're like, just yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:30

Why does it sound like it's like a plan? I don't know. We're gonna hook up with him, he's gonna be here.

SPEAKER_00 25:35

Well, because it was my best friend's best friend, and we were really close. We lived down the street from each other, so um, yeah, and then I got pregnant the night I lost my virginity. Oh man. September 16, 2006.

SPEAKER_01 25:51

That's bad luck.

SPEAKER_00 25:53

Yep, and I don't know if it's bad luck, but I lose the baby.

SPEAKER_01 25:58

I'm not saying it like that.

SPEAKER_00 26:00

I know. Seriously though, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 26:04

One would assume your life changed after that moment, no?

SPEAKER_00 26:07

Yeah, definitely. I pretty much lost all my friends. I I don't talk to anyone that I did back then now, other than uh the one guy best friend that I've had.

SPEAKER_03 26:19

Where's the father?

SPEAKER_00 26:21

Um, he had a girlfriend, I guess.

SPEAKER_03 26:25

But he didn't want to have anything to do with Nope.

SPEAKER_00 26:29

Yeah, his girlfriend actually had me jumped on my 18th birthday.

SPEAKER_03 26:34

For what reason?

SPEAKER_00 26:36

No reason. We were at the dirt bike track in the pits, and all of a sudden, like I was pulled down to the ground in the dirt and just had this fat girl sit on me and wail at me. She couldn't do it herself, she had to stick her fat friend on me.

SPEAKER_01 26:53

But that's where more weight, you know, throw around.

SPEAKER_00 26:57

But yeah, and then my the only person to break it up was my uh best friend, and he popped his shoulder out trying to pull her off. Oh no. It was like, yeah, it was crazy.

SPEAKER_01 27:06

She was that fat.

SPEAKER_00 27:07

It was pretty. I mean, compared to I was tiny back then, so it was either the arm goes or the body.

SPEAKER_03 27:13

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:15

Every reac I think it's Isaac Newton, every reaction has an equal but opposite reaction.

SPEAKER_03 27:20

So then you um I'm I'm I'm guessing your family helped you.

SPEAKER_00 27:26

Um my mom did. Um she helped me all the way up until she got really sick. Um and my grandma did too until she was getting really old, like so when I'd go to work or this and that, drop them off at my grandma's for a night, or my mom's. Or I was living with my mom at the time, and then I moved in with my dad.

SPEAKER_03 27:48

But yeah, it was How does your son feel about his dad not wanting to be around?

SPEAKER_00 27:55

So actually the he the dad wrote to me um October 2020, I think it was. Asking if he can see him. And I

Faith, Atheism, And Afterlife Fears

SPEAKER_00 28:10

said I would never let you not see him. I was like, but he's 16 now, and he would have been 13, I think. Or w whatever the age was. And he I was like, he he can decide if he wants to meet you, like see you or not. So I can have talk with him. And then my son, he started bawling when I told him, and he was like, I don't think I want to meet the guy that never wanted to be my dad. And I said, I know this is hard, but why don't we give it a shot? Like we could do something like go dirt bike riding where we don't have to talk a lot, so it's not like awkward moments. I was like, if you don't feel comfortable, you can walk away, you can take a breath, and we don't have to do it again, but like we could just do something mellow, and he's like, he said, okay. And then a week I was he asked for Thanksgiving week, he would be in California. I guess he moved out of state in like a week before he canceled. And he was like, Sorry, I'm going through a divorce right now, and my life's upside down, or something like that. And I was and he's like, But can I like FaceTime him? I was like, No, you're not gonna FaceTime him. You're a stranger to him. So when you have time in your life to come see him, hit us up. But you're not FaceTiming my son.

SPEAKER_03 29:26

What did your son did did your son know about all of this stuff going on? What did he say?

SPEAKER_00 29:33

He didn't really have anything to say. Yeah. He I mean the he's the dad seen him like three times, I think it was. Like the last second to last time, he actually he came to his one of his birthdays, and his girlfriend was sitting in the car that had me jumped out in the par like on the street in his truck. And like, you brought that girl here.

SPEAKER_03 30:02

How long ago was this?

SPEAKER_00 30:04

Like when he was like three. Oh, so like in the beginning he saw him like a couple of times. Three or four times. Like we went to a park one time.

SPEAKER_03 30:12

I think it was But your son doesn't remember Noah.

SPEAKER_00 30:16

The last time he seen him wouldn't he was five. We were at a park, and I remember my son wanted to play soccer, and we're kind of like hinting to him, like my me and my mom, like, he wants to play soccer. I had like a twisted ankle, and he would not get up. It's like he just wanted to talk to my mom. So I got up and I started playing with my son. I'm like, why are you here?

SPEAKER_03 30:38

Right. Like some losers and a change, I suppose. Yeah. So um your son, you said he's also going to nursing school. Yeah. Nice. And and you know what's very good about nursing school is or nursing in general for you, I suppose. Um all the nurses have sex all the time, supposedly.

SPEAKER_01 31:02

Yeah, I've seen Gray's Anatomy. There's gonna be some shit going on.

SPEAKER_03 31:06

Those are mostly the doctors on there, but supposedly they say that nurses have the highest um number of infidelities.

SPEAKER_00 31:16

That's what I hear people say, like, so I'm on dating apps, but I kind of use them more as entertainment. But I've seen people on there like, I will not date a nurse, or blah blah blah. Like, they literally have that on their thing. Like, no nurses for me.

SPEAKER_03 31:33

What dating apps are you on?

SPEAKER_00 31:34

Uh Hinge and Bumble.

SPEAKER_03 31:36

Uh Bumble.

SPEAKER_00 31:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 31:38

How's that going?

SPEAKER_00 31:40

I met the the last guy I was seeing for like the four months off Hinge. Before that, was like a year and a half before that, off Hinge as well. Or it was either Bumble or Hinge. And the guy lied about his height by like seven inches.

SPEAKER_01 31:59

Oh, yeah. You can you gotta lie by like two to three inches. So I started like putting on there.

SPEAKER_00 32:04

She was my like eye to eye, and I was in tennis shoes. Uh-huh. And I'm like, all right, I'm alright, let's just go with it. I'm here. But then he's yeah. Anyways.

SPEAKER_01 32:16

If he would have been like super funny, super charismatic, do you think you could have looked past the height?

SPEAKER_00 32:23

Um, I don't know. I don't. My son has like a phobia, like because his dad is short and he's now he's kind of over it, but um he would always he. My son's 5'10, I think now. Oh yeah, he's fine. But I think his dad's like 5'8. But he would always like come and like, mom, can you measure me? Mom, this and that, throughout the years, because he would and then when he seen that picture of him okay, so he sent a pic I was like, Can you send a picture of you so I could show to him? And he was bald, and my son was like, I was like, guess which one's your you're oh no in the picture. And he picked his younger brother. And I was like, No, it's that one. He's like, No, I'm gonna be bald. So you're gonna be short and bald? I was like, no. I was like, it comes from the mom's side, the baldness, so you're good.

SPEAKER_03 33:19

Interesting.

Grief, Purpose, And ER Nursing

SPEAKER_03 33:20

Yeah. Uh-huh. And okay, so on Hinge, you're still seeing people off that.

SPEAKER_00 33:26

Uh I haven't seen anyone uh the one guy um in June. Before that, it was like March of 2024. Yeah, I was seeing um w one of my classmates for like six months.

SPEAKER_03 33:44

What's the criteria you look for on these apps? Whether it's Bumble or um monogamy. It says on there monogamy. Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_00 33:54

Uh religious.

SPEAKER_03 33:57

You want somebody who's religious.

SPEAKER_00 33:58

I don't want someone that's an atheist.

SPEAKER_03 34:01

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 34:02

That's the one thing my mom told me growing up is do not ever date an atheist.

SPEAKER_03 34:08

What about agnostic?

SPEAKER_00 34:10

I'm on the fence about that one. So sometimes I'll like dig into it. Like, alright, I have some time. Let's see. Like, what do you believe in? You know? But I don't even really know where that's like a cloud. What is that?

SPEAKER_01 34:25

Wait, so I don't understand. So you want a religious guy?

SPEAKER_00 34:28

Oh well, someone that believes like not in aliens or not aliens.

SPEAKER_03 34:35

Like uh Well, atheists don't believe in God.

SPEAKER_00 34:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 34:38

So I guess someone that Agnostics believe in not knowing. No, they just not knowing. You don't you don't know whether there is or there isn't.

SPEAKER_05 34:45

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 34:45

Right? So it's uncertainty basically. And then obviously religious people believe in based upon relig their religion, whatever it is the religion says. So if somebody, let's say for the sake of this conversation, you were you're a Christian, I'm guessing. Mm-hmm. And somebody is a Muslim, as long as their religion is okay, or do they have to be a Christian?

SPEAKER_00 35:06

No, no, they don't have to be Christian. I it's just to me it's um, I don't know, it's a weird thing. Like I think it goes back to like that conversation I had with my mom because my dad's an atheist and she thought she could change him as she was growing up Christian. And it caused a lot of chaos.

SPEAKER_03 35:24

And what's the purpose of this? The What's the purpose of making somebody else believe in something that they don't believe in?

SPEAKER_00 35:31

Not of r I don't want to change someone.

SPEAKER_03 35:33

No, I'm saying what was that? For her?

SPEAKER_00 35:35

Um I guess she well she wanted a baby, and I think she just went super dived into that relationship, getting him to marry her quicker, and um she wanted to go to church every Sunday, he didn't, and she would have to like get in the car, you're going.

SPEAKER_03 35:56

So she manipulated a guy in order to have you?

SPEAKER_00 36:02

Uh it took seven years for them to have me with in vitro and all this type type of stuff.

SPEAKER_03 36:07

Sure. Well, nonetheless. And then but then she was upset that she couldn't change him into the religion that she wanted, and then made you believe that you also have to pick somebody who's religious.

SPEAKER_00 36:20

No, she just told me that you can't change anyone. In my head, I like don't want to change anyone. But it sticks with me of like uh if I want to like I feel like what I I want someone that believes in what I like same belief, similar, like compatibility type things. So that's where it comes from for me. Uh-huh. Um like when someone one person thinks that you know, after death thinks you're going to heaven, another person thinks, oh, you snap away. Like those are total huge things, you know.

SPEAKER_01 36:55

But then don't because you said, Oh, I have a high sex drive, stuff like that. But then if you date a religious guy, isn't that like, oh, no sex before marriage? Yeah, so like I just want someone that believes in something, like believes that there's something like you believe in the Bible as much, you more and like all the traditions and the church and stuff, you more so believe in God.

SPEAKER_00 37:15

Uh yeah, I believe in God.

SPEAKER_01 37:16

I see.

SPEAKER_00 37:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 37:17

And so is it more so you want a religious guy because you think that a religious guy will tend to be a better person? Or is it you want a religious guy because you can connect over your shared

Anxiety Triggers And Competence In Crisis

SPEAKER_01 37:31

values in the world?

SPEAKER_00 37:32

I think it's so we like share uh more like the conservative, like traditional family. Like um I don't know. It it scares me that my dad's an atheist.

SPEAKER_03 37:47

So like why does it scare you?

SPEAKER_00 37:49

Just because what happens after?

SPEAKER_03 37:54

What does happen after?

SPEAKER_00 37:56

I don't know. We don't we don't know, but So then why do you care? Because I love him. And if he like if what it's said in the Bible, like people that are atheists go to hell, that's scary.

SPEAKER_03 38:12

But then what are you gonna do about it?

SPEAKER_00 38:15

I mean, I've tried to sneak in like movies when I was like early twenties, like about God and stuff and stuff like that, but I plan the idea. I had to give up on it.

SPEAKER_01 38:32

There was no way I think it's almost impossible to make someone believe something. In fact, I don't even think you can make yourself believe something. Yeah. Like if you're like if someone doesn't believe in God, they're like, alright, I really want to believe in God because like you know, my wife wants me to believe in God. It's like, okay, let's say you say I believe in God like a thousand times in the mirror. I don't think you're gonna actually believe. It's like, alright, I'm saying these words, but I don't actually believe in it.

SPEAKER_00 39:00

Yeah, it wasn't like trying, but kind of like seeing how he would like open if he would open up to a scenario type thing. Me and my dad have a lot in common with other things.

SPEAKER_03 39:14

Um, but I mean the the question is if if let's say for the sake of this conversation, your dad goes to hell and you go to heaven, why does that matter?

SPEAKER_00 39:26

What do you mean? I'm just wondering, why does it matter? Why does it matter? I don't want my dad in pain.

SPEAKER_01 39:32

Also, you would never get to see him, like you'd have to watch him like burning on it. Like, what do you mean?

SPEAKER_03 39:37

I don't think you're watching people. I mean, I guess you don't know. I don't think anybody's like standing there, there's like a window to house and everybody's from heaven.

SPEAKER_02 39:47

I don't think that's a nice happen. The view of heaven is the hell.

SPEAKER_01 39:51

No. You think that if you wouldn't be sad if like your wife went to hell and you went to heaven, and you'd be like, oh shit, my wife's not here with me. And in your mind, you maybe you can't see it, but you know what's going on.

SPEAKER_00 40:02

Yeah, because she's not there.

SPEAKER_03 40:05

I I I don't it it it's hard for me to fathom the fact that people think that their death and their connections to the people they once knew on the planet when they were

Attachment Styles And Patterns In Love

SPEAKER_03 40:20

alive still remains intact. Because I believe that if you're in hell, right, then let's let's say for the sake of this conversation that there is heaven and hell, and that there is a God, and then let's say that um somebody you love on this planet while you're alive goes to hell, and then you go to heaven. Heaven is supposed to be a place where there's no pain, therefore you, your dead self, would not experience pain because then they would have the one person they loved with them there as a result of the fact that they went to heaven.

SPEAKER_01 41:02

Or what would happen is it's some kind of like black mirror episode where you're up in heaven and your wife's burning and you're like looking at her, but since you're unable to experience pain, you're like smiling at it, and you're actually like, Oh, this is great, even though my wife's burning in hell. And you just are unable because God took the part of your brain out that makes you experience it.

SPEAKER_03 41:22

Either way, my point is if you're in heaven, you're not gonna care because you're in heaven.

SPEAKER_01 41:27

I suppose, but that's kind of sad.

SPEAKER_00 41:29

I know, it's sad.

SPEAKER_01 41:30

I wouldn't be sad to you, but I'm saying it's like sad like now to think about.

SPEAKER_00 41:33

Yeah, you yeah, in the moment, you wouldn't.

SPEAKER_01 41:36

Here's my one beef with God, though. Okay, here's the one thing that I don't get. Okay, so imagine you're like married to somebody, right? And people are like, oh, does he love you? Like you're like, yeah, he loves me so much. And then you figure out he only loves you if you don't do what he says. And if you don't do what he says, then he takes you down to the basement and sets you on fire. I'd be like, It doesn't sound like he really loves you. It sounds like he's trying to control you. But that's kind of like God's like, Yeah, I love all of you guys, but if you mess up, I'm gonna take you to the down to hell and set you on fire. And I'm like, it just doesn't, I don't know, something doesn't add up with that equation where I'm like it, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 42:24

And for me, like I had a hard time when my mom died. Um like why would God let this innocent person die? I mean, there's murderers and rapists and this and that, you know, and over her or you know, over them, she was and then that's what got me into wanting to go to nursing school. Like I had to be a huge advocate. They don't like care for like the hospital she was at forced her to go in hospice and just seeing that where these people are suffering and they're dying and they didn't want to die, you know, they didn't kill someone and this and that. Like, why would God let this happen? You know, so I had a tough time after that, like um just because why would you let it happen?

SPEAKER_01 43:14

You've gone through a lot in your life.

SPEAKER_00 43:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 43:17

It's interesting though, because I feel like a lot of people would have gone through all the things that you've been through and come out the other side very negative and and maybe a little bit jaded. But I don't sense that energy on you at all. Like it almost seems like it like made you stronger in a way.

SPEAKER_00 43:40

Yeah, definitely. Like when I'm working in like the ER, like the patients I'll be with like a code gray, like psychotic patient, and I've been able to like calm them down, and that's the only time I don't feel anxiety, honestly, is when I'm helping other people.

SPEAKER_01 43:58

Interesting.

SPEAKER_00 43:59

And

Dating Apps, Preferences, And Dealbreakers

SPEAKER_00 44:00

Because I'm very like chronic anxiety.

SPEAKER_01 44:02

Oh, really? Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 44:04

And when I'm in the ER, you have so many things going on. Starting IVs, do this, hang a bag, this, that. Um, you're not thinking about yourself, you're thinking about other people. And that's what I realize is my meaning, like my purpose is to help other people.

SPEAKER_01 44:20

That's interesting. You know, it's there is for anxiety, it's caused by like an over-regulation of your fight and flight. Survival mode. Yeah, survival mode. But I wonder for you, it sounds like when there's nothing going on, it's like there's no fight or flight, so then your brain is just freaking out. But then when it's an emergency situation, then your brain is like, cool, we're in fight mode now. All right, let's get the IV, you over here, boom, boom, boom, and you're like handling shit, you know. So maybe that's what it is.

SPEAKER_00 44:52

Yeah, I think so. I recently recognize that because I've done two like two terms in the ER, a little bit in the ICU, but the ER, like, I would have to go in the hall and like call out, like, I need you know two milligram stat right now, like calling out because the doctor told me, you know, and in a situation where the patients like thrashing four-point restraints break breaks out of them, and you know, and trying to put sheets so she doesn't bang her hands against the rails and stuff. But yeah, that's I realized once I started in the ER, I was like, wow, how is this the only time I'm not? I'm like, I'm chill, I'm calm, and I don't know, it's therapeutic for me. Kind of like when I shoot my gun, too. It's like you are a country song.

SPEAKER_01 45:41

You're literally a country song.

SPEAKER_00 45:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 45:44

And were you always like that? Like, did you always have anxiety, but you kind of pulled together when it was like a stressful situation?

SPEAKER_00 45:52

I think my anxiety really increased like when my mom got diagnosed.

SPEAKER_01 45:57

I see.

SPEAKER_00 45:57

I see. Yeah. Um yeah, I'd say that.

SPEAKER_01 46:03

And what triggers for you nowadays?

SPEAKER_00 46:05

Um school. Okay definitely nursing school. Not in the hospital, but lectures, like having to have a certain score, like if you miss it by 0.5%, you're you fail, you know. So that's very anxiety ridden. Um, yeah, I'd say that's the biggest. That's when I really got anxiety when I started school.

SPEAKER_01 46:31

Because you feel kind of out of control, it's not your forte, whereas like ER, it's like you feel competent, yeah. You know what to do. All right, let's go.

SPEAKER_00 46:40

Hands-on visual. The book work is just I learn more when I at the hospital than I do in the bookwork, you know.

SPEAKER_03 46:48

So would you care if you're single for the rest of your life? Yeah. You would care? You don't want to be single for you. I don't want to be alone.

SPEAKER_00 46:57

No.

SPEAKER_03 46:57

So then if you're if you're if you don't find the person you're looking for, are you gonna settle?

SPEAKER_00 47:08

Um I don't know. I mean, like this last time I thought I felt it with him, but our schedules just and he was and this is when I w dove into that attachment, those attachment types. I never really thought about it, and then I was like, whoa, he is definitely avoidant um attachment, and I'm an anxious attachment. And I started like really reading into it, I was like, spot on, this is what it is. And I'm like thinking about all the past relationships or situationships, and then my two relationships, I'm like, there's the problem. I go for something I'm not gonna get, and it's a challenge.

SPEAKER_01 47:58

And is it because your your anxiety makes you think like I can get out of this because he's kind of because he's avoidant? Is it kind of like that?

SPEAKER_00 48:08

When anything would

Size, Chemistry, And Gray Areas

SPEAKER_00 48:10

get real, pull back. And then for me, I would try to like pull back in, like reel you in. And that's when I realized, whoa, that is actually a thing, like it's a pattern in your relationship. Yeah, uh-huh.

SPEAKER_03 48:29

So then for your next relationship, are you you you said some of those criteria from like the dating um apps, but are those also conversations you're having with people when you're going on dates?

SPEAKER_00 48:46

Um, yeah, so uh it's also I want them to want kids. I I would like to have another kid somehow, if I'm able to, or by if we have to adopt or which way. Um let's see. I go for like usually guys that are like military, police, or medical field, because I feel like they have seen the trauma I've seen or I do see like so they understand a little bit more than an act like someone that's not in that field type of thing. Um I just I guess I get along, but uh yeah, I make it pretty clear on my profile like what I want. So gotcha.

SPEAKER_03 49:33

Do you think um are men or women more responsible for a failed relationship? Or do you think it's equal?

SPEAKER_00 49:43

I think it's equal. It could be either or, you know, I don't think it comes down to I I mean I've met girls that is bad as guys of cheating-wise, you know, and so I I think anyone doesn't matter the gender.

SPEAKER_03 50:00

Um define cheating.

SPEAKER_00 50:02

Um when you're with someone is called a boyfriend, girlfriend, or you've talked to each other saying you guys are exclusive, and then you find out they have been with someone else.

SPEAKER_03 50:14

So is it only cheating if they sleep with someone physically?

SPEAKER_00 50:17

No. I think it's cheating if they talk to someone like Romantically. Romantically, and then like over like say they text every day, all day, or like just even every day about we're uh random stuff. That's a little red flag. If you're serious. Not cheating necessarily, but it's something to keep your eye on. Yeah, like it depends. Yeah, if it's like you know, a friendship that um did you have an experience like that? Where someone was talking to someone? No. Okay. Yeah, like the last person I seen, we were uh we talked for two months on the phone every day before we even met off of uh Hinge. And the first time we were talking, we talked for five and a half hours. It was crazy until four in the morning. But yeah.

SPEAKER_03 51:20

That's the guy who's long distance.

SPEAKER_00 51:22

No, he's like ten minutes from here.

SPEAKER_03 51:25

Oh, okay. Okay. How come that didn't work out?

SPEAKER_00 51:28

The schedule. Um schedule and me, like the sex thing. Oh, this was another guy who's No, this was the recent one from June.

SPEAKER_03 51:44

I haven't I thought you said he moved.

SPEAKER_00 51:47

No.

SPEAKER_03 51:48

Oh.

SPEAKER_00 51:49

No, he didn't move.

SPEAKER_03 51:51

Oh, this is not the guy who moved to New York. Who used to live in San Diego?

SPEAKER_00 51:55

Oh no, he's the I've known him since um 2021.

SPEAKER_04 51:59

Okay.

Closing Reflections And Hopes

SPEAKER_00 52:00

Him. He was like a situation ship. This one we were not girlfriend, boyfriend, but exclusive. Like I was like, if you hook up, you know, if you're interested in someone else, you tell me. Like, that's how it's gonna work, you know, type of thing. And we'll see each other when we could see each other because of our schedules didn't align. Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_03 52:23

So that's the guy who didn't um you didn't want to have sex with you in three 20 times in three days.

SPEAKER_00 52:30

Not 20 times.

SPEAKER_03 52:32

Ten times. I guess ten times is not too bad in three days. It's like three or four times a day.

SPEAKER_00 52:40

Well, it was four days, so three nights, four days. Yeah, that's reasonable. Two and a half times seven times, maybe six, seven times. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 52:48

That's reasonable.

SPEAKER_00 52:50

Yeah. But I mean, I took my afterwards, I was like, I shouldn't have been too aggressive about it, you know, and I I apologized and I was like, I went out on the couch when he didn't want to have sex with you when he slept on the couch? No, he wouldn't let me. Oh, okay. But I went out there just to like calm down. Like, all right, Amber, get yourself together. Uh-huh. Throw a blanket over my head, and then he comes, what are you doing out here? Uh-huh. He's like, get back in bed. I was like. So but yeah, anyways.

SPEAKER_03 53:26

Well, it's it's I I guess the upside is your son is a grown person now, so he's out um in school, I'm assuming.

SPEAKER_00 53:35

Uh he graduates high school in May.

SPEAKER_03 53:38

Okay. So he'll be out soon. And I mean, you're relatively still young, so.

SPEAKER_00 53:44

No. I don't think so. That's now I believe in that clock is ticking.

SPEAKER_03 53:50

Well, to have kids, it is.

SPEAKER_00 53:52

Yeah. I think those too, just I don't know. I've become more like of a homebody and this and that. Especially where I live now, though, of course. That's there's no potential out there. Like where do you live? In Fontana. Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_03 54:07

You're still in Kentucky. Did you I thought you grew up there?

SPEAKER_00 54:11

Um, I grew up in Rialto, like 30 minutes north. I was born at the hospital in Fontana.

SPEAKER_03 54:17

So it's gotcha.

SPEAKER_00 54:19

All in the central same county.

SPEAKER_03 54:21

Got it, got it. Okay. Yeah. And then and okay, so you live back there again still, and then um there's nothing going on there.

SPEAKER_00 54:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 54:33

So most of the dates you go on, they're here. Or in like San Diego, Orange County, and stuff?

SPEAKER_00 54:40

Well, I've only been on one date in the last almost two years. Oh wow. Yeah. Okay. It was in July, we had our first date. We matched in June. I think it was. This past year.

SPEAKER_05 54:55

Got it.

SPEAKER_00 54:56

We matched in June, and then I think it was the end of July or first week of August when we finally met, and we met halfway. And then I would just start driving out here.

SPEAKER_03 55:06

Gotcha. Um, I'm assuming I know the answer to this question, but clarify for me, I suppose. The size matter.

SPEAKER_00 55:16

Yes. You knew that. Yeah, I think it matters.

SPEAKER_03 55:22

Yeah. Have you ever been with somebody with a micro penis? That's obviously a yes. How was that experience? Sadly. How was that experience like?

SPEAKER_00 55:34

Um, I felt bad.

SPEAKER_03 55:36

You felt bad?

SPEAKER_00 55:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 55:37

Did you continue or did you like not have sex?

SPEAKER_00 55:41

No. We actually dated, yeah. Oh, you dated? We we were seeing each other prior, and then when it came to I was like, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 55:52

Uh-huh. Did you break up with him because of that? Or did okay.

SPEAKER_00 55:56

No.

SPEAKER_03 55:58

How did you manage it?

SPEAKER_00 56:01

What was there to manage? No, that's so bad. It's really sad. No, it was just so I'm c I feel like I'm kind of a sap what is it called? SAP beosexual sometimes. Saposexual. Yeah. So like either I'm like think they're really hot right from the beginning, or sometimes someone, like for instance, the classmate that I was seeing, like not my type at all. But then you guys are have the same schedule, and then you talk about stuff and doing the same things, and like I grew in connection through like more of that. Time, you know. I've I've done that a couple times where I feel like people are more attractive when I see who they are or open.

SPEAKER_03 56:51

So so so d did you break up with him or did he break up with you? Who? The the the micro penis person.

SPEAKER_00 57:02

Um yeah, I just stopped talking to him.

SPEAKER_03 57:09

Just randomly.

SPEAKER_00 57:11

Um yeah. Well, I quit. We were working together in San Diego at a bar. He was security, I was a bartender.

SPEAKER_03 57:20

And um You you stopped talking to him and then he just Well, I stopped working there.

SPEAKER_00 57:25

So then it was kind of like and then we it became a thing where it was kind of weird. Yeah, I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 57:31

It was like so it kind of worked out for the best, for yeah.

SPEAKER_00 57:35

Yeah. Yeah, I mean Oh, and then I know his best friend, something happened between his best there was like a clash between his friend group or something happening, and I just kind of backed away.

SPEAKER_03 57:48

I see. So would you say that if you meet somebody that does possess a micropenis, that then you would you would still continue in a relationship with them if you like them enough? Or is it now that you know I'm I'm just confused about this past one because it seems like you've you slept with them multiple times.

SPEAKER_00 58:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 58:23

But then you didn't w you you didn't have a great experience. But you did it out of necessity of the ro like maintaining a relationship. But it's just weird because then you guys broke up just as soon as you quit the job. So it doesn't it doesn't sound like you guys were in a relationship then.

SPEAKER_00 58:41

No, I would call it a situation thing. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 58:44

Yeah so you were just like hooking up. But if you didn't like having sex with them, why would you hook up with him?

SPEAKER_00 58:51

Because I liked who he was.

SPEAKER_03 58:52

Gotcha. So then so then if you are in a relationship with someone that you later on find out they have a micropenis, then you still would continue.

SPEAKER_00 59:01

Probably.

SPEAKER_03 59:02

Yeah. And just hope it'll go to shit.

SPEAKER_00 59:08

No! Just hope it grows bigger.

SPEAKER_03 59:12

At some point. By miracle. By miracle by the God that you believe in.

SPEAKER_00 59:18

Oh well, I think that what is I think there's like implants now for dudes.

SPEAKER_03 59:22

Yeah, you could have sort of. I don't know how that works though. Yeah. Interesting. You've had a very interesting life. Well to say the least, yeah. Thank you so much for coming on the show. Appreciate it. Thanks for your honesty and openness. And hopefully you will find the one at some point in your life. And thank you guys for watching. We'll see you later.