Healing After A Violent Relationship Ft. Wase - Ep.188

Special thanks to Wase for being a part of this episode of Unattainable Podcast Show 

We talk with Wase about Native identity, dating in Los Angeles, and how patterns in attraction can quietly steer us toward the wrong partners. The conversation gets candid about domestic violence, rebuilding trust, and choosing boundaries that protect your future.
• Native American identity in LA and tribal benefits
• The Black Hills treaty dispute and why money is not “closure”
• A relationship turning violent after a background check reveals prior abuse
• Planning a safe exit, restraining orders, and post-breakup stalking
• Why dating apps reward curated profiles over real character
• Early red flags like jealousy, pressure, and boundary pushing
• Loud confidence versus quiet confidence and how “delusion” shows up
• Personal red flags around communication, reassurance, and emotional detachment
• Career focus after giving up opportunities for past partners
• Love languages, fear of opening up, and commitment anxiety
• Marriage doubts, financial boundaries, and prenup talk
Thanks so much for watching. We'll see you later.

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Transcript

Welcome And Quick Background

SPEAKER_05 0:00

Hi, my name is Wase. I am 31 and I am living in Los Angeles and I am currently in a tri- I know there's a lot of tribes around here in California they have a lot of uh casinos and they're doing like really well. The reason why I left the my ex is because he was crazy. She was like, oh he has like a restraining order against him from his ex for domestic violence. And then when I confronted him about it, that's when he got violent. Because I was like trying to leave. He like basically like tortured me all night one night. Um like I was like basically like a hostage. It was like a h- I think it was in the filing like a hostage situation almost because it was like eight hours that he's gonna kill me and like kill everybody I love. I just felt like we're maybe not compatible. He was very like verbally abusive. I want my man to never have been with anyone else ever. I feel like I'm very independent, actually, and I I have a hard time like asking for help.

SPEAKER_03 1:01

Welcome to Unattainable. Glad to have you with us and hope you continue to be a part of our family for the Fourth City before you turn episode. How's it going?

SPEAKER_05 1:14

Hi, it's good. How are you?

SPEAKER_03 1:16

Please introduce yourself, where you're from, what you do, how old you are, and your relationship status.

SPEAKER_05 1:22

Sorry. Your name. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:25

Where you're from, okay, your age, and your relationship status.

SPEAKER_05 1:28

Hi, my name's Wase. I am 31 and I am living in Los Angeles, and I am currently in a relationship.

SPEAKER_03 1:37

Okay. Um where are you from originally?

SPEAKER_05 1:41

Um, kind of both from South Dakota and then Northern California.

SPEAKER_03 1:46

Okay. What type of name is Wase?

SPEAKER_05 1:49

It's Native American.

SPEAKER_03 1:50

Yeah. Are you fully native?

SPEAKER_05 1:53

No, I'm like a little more than half.

SPEAKER_03 1:57

You guys have some interesting rights, yes?

SPEAKER_05 1:59

Um

Tribal Rights And Stolen Land

SPEAKER_05 2:01

more so than like regular white people.

SPEAKER_03 2:03

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 2:04

Yeah. I I guess so.

SPEAKER_03 2:07

Do you know what they are or or no?

SPEAKER_05 2:09

I know what mine are. There's certain tribes that they get like what's called per cap. They get like money every month. Mine does not. My tribe does not. Um I do get free health care though.

SPEAKER_03 2:21

Interesting. Your tribe does not get money. Why is that?

SPEAKER_05 2:25

Um, I think we are the poorest tribe of them all.

SPEAKER_03 2:29

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_05 2:30

And we don't have like a casino or anything.

SPEAKER_03 2:33

So the American government was like, fuck these people. These ones.

SPEAKER_05 2:38

Well, the government actually owes my tribe over a billion dollars right now because um in the I forget which I think it was like the 1800s, there was like a treaty for over the Black Hills in South Dakota, all the gold. And basically, like in order to stop whatever war was going on, we agreed to not sell it. Or we we agreed to keep it, and then they were like, okay, you guys can have that, that's fine. But then later they found out there was gold, and then they were like, oh, we're gonna take that back actually. And then who did they the government.

SPEAKER_06 3:11

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_05 3:12

And then I don't know if you know about who General Custer is.

SPEAKER_03 3:16

No, not really.

SPEAKER_05 3:18

Okay. Basically, he was like the general leading that whole exhibition. Uh and we're trying to take the gold. Yes. And then uh my tribe unalived him.

SPEAKER_03 3:30

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_05 3:30

And then um, but that didn't really matter, that it still got they still took it, and then um the government. And then and there was a Supreme Court ruling, I think it was in the 90s, that the Supreme Court decided that yes, it was taken illegally because there was a treaty in place. And so the government was like, okay, well, we can't really give it back now because there's a lot of people living there and everything. So they're like, we'll just pay you like a million dollars to the tribe, and then now it's like with interest, it's over a billion dollars. So we would have money, but we're still like we're not selling it. Yeah. Interesting. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 4:05

Very interesting. So then if if they give you the billion dollars, your your tribe, do you get some of that?

SPEAKER_05 4:12

Um, I'm not really sure how that works, and I don't think it really matters because I know that we'll never do that. So Oh really?

SPEAKER_03 4:19

Yeah, no. Uh huh.

SPEAKER_05 4:20

It's been this long already, it's not gonna happen anytime soon.

SPEAKER_03 4:24

Interesting.

SPEAKER_02 4:24

Do you want it to happen or no?

SPEAKER_05 4:26

Like to get it back? Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 4:28

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 4:28

Yeah. How come your tribe doesn't get any casino um land or whatever?

SPEAKER_05 4:34

We have land. I mean, we have our reservations um in South Dakota, but it's I don't know if it has to do with the tribe, they just don't want it there because there's a lot of like alcoholism and stuff. They don't want to bring that kind of crowd in. I don't really know what why the reason is, but we just don't. But I know there's a lot of tribes around here in California, they have a lot of uh casinos and they're doing it like really well.

SPEAKER_03 4:59

Yeah, I mean, where whenever you see casinos in a state that um gambling isn't legal is because they have their the land is owned by um Native Americans.

SPEAKER_05 5:12

Yeah. But it's weird being in LA, I hardly ever beat anyone native. Like now I only I know a couple people, but like the whole time I've been here I haven't like barely met anyone.

SPEAKER_03 5:23

Yeah, there isn't I think there were we had another girl on the podcast a while back who was half native as well. Um, but I also don't meet that many or people who say they're Native American anyway. Yeah. Um I think we have one friend who says he's does Claudio say that he's like uh an ounce uh Native American or something? Uh yeah. Nobody knows if that's true, but hey. Um the but but yeah, it's interesting because I think a lot of Native Americans just just stay within their own tribes, yeah?

SPEAKER_05 6:05

Yeah, a lot of the time. I mean I guess there's a lot of people in like the Midwest, but I don't I don't know a lot of like I'm starting to meet more people that are California natives, but it's still like you have to kind of they are kind of more on their reservations area, I guess.

SPEAKER_03 6:22

Is it taboo for a Native American to marry somebody who's not Native American?

SPEAKER_05 6:28

No. I think it happens all the time.

SPEAKER_03 6:31

Um Well the question is not whether or not it happens. The question is is a taboo within the tribe, but like did they did it look at your parent, whichever one is native and be it's kind of judgy, you know?

SPEAKER_05 6:43

Kind of, yeah. Oh yeah.

unknown 6:45

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_05 6:45

I I get a lot of like people on social media being like, you better marry a native person. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 6:53

I mean, I understand the the the the thought process, which I think it happens not just with Native Americans, it does happen with a lot of different um different cultures. You know, Asians have the same thing, Jews have the same thing.

SPEAKER_06 7:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 7:07

So it is fairly common. The only people that don't have it is white people. Well, white people do as well. If if a white person marries a black person. If we talk about it, we're getting cancelled.

SPEAKER_05 7:21

Oh it's a thing. Talk about it, and I want to know.

SPEAKER_02 7:25

I think a lot of more like in the South, I think there's a lot of that. Okay. Um not so much in Wisconsin, definitely not in LA. I think LA is like it's a free-for-all. I think another thing white people are like, we would prefer you marry someone of color. You know what I mean? To like make yourself look like more caring or something like that. Yeah. Yeah. We don't we're not gonna donate money to anything, but like, yeah, like maybe s if one person our family marries in, then we can, you know. We're gonna act like we donated. We can have like the not racist card or something.

SPEAKER_03 7:58

That's fine. So you're um actually pull that forward as much as you can, or maybe

New Relationship And Dating Timeline

SPEAKER_03 8:05

pull yourself forward to the you can just pull your seat forward. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 8:09

Oh, you okay.

SPEAKER_03 8:13

Um, so you said you're in a relationship currently. Yes. How long have you been in a relationship?

SPEAKER_05 8:20

Um, it hasn't been that long. It's like probably a couple months.

SPEAKER_03 8:24

Two months?

SPEAKER_05 8:24

Probably like a yeah, a couple. Like I don't really know.

SPEAKER_03 8:26

A couple being two?

SPEAKER_05 8:27

Probably two or three. Okay. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 8:30

And then but you this is official? Yes. Uh-huh. It's very quick, no?

SPEAKER_05 8:36

Uh, what do you mean?

SPEAKER_03 8:37

Like I I I would think that most people kind of, especially in LA, try to like date for a little bit before putting a label on it.

SPEAKER_05 8:46

Yeah, I mean I've known him for a long time. Okay. So we've kind of like dated off and on. But it's he has like been a long time coming. Kind of. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 8:58

Uh huh. So the were you were you in another relationship before this? Yes. How long before?

SPEAKER_05 9:04

Um, before it was probably been like uh two years.

SPEAKER_03 9:08

You were in another relationship for two years? No, like two years two years prior to this. Yes. Okay. And so you were single for two years? Yeah. And then on and off dating this person?

SPEAKER_05 9:19

Yeah. I guess you could say that.

SPEAKER_03 9:22

Situationship, kinda.

SPEAKER_05 9:23

Kind of, yeah. It was complicated.

SPEAKER_03 9:26

Was it? Yeah. Uh-huh. So you're it is that the reason why you were single? You were just like kind of figuring out

Violence Escalation And Escape Planning

SPEAKER_03 9:35

what's going on with this person?

SPEAKER_05 9:37

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 9:39

Do you want to talk about it or not?

SPEAKER_05 9:40

I mean, the reason why I left the the my ex is because he was crazy, but W was he crazy?

SPEAKER_03 9:47

Yes.

SPEAKER_05 9:48

Why? Um he was just violent.

SPEAKER_03 9:50

Hmm. Yeah. Like physically? Yes. Okay. And and he was harming you physically?

SPEAKER_05 9:56

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 9:56

How long were you in that relationship?

SPEAKER_05 9:58

Um, I think it was like close to two years.

SPEAKER_03 10:02

Okay. And when did it start getting violent?

SPEAKER_05 10:05

Not till towards the end. Um actually I he said that his ex was crazy, right? And then turns out one of my randomly one of my friends decided to do like a background check on my the my boyfriend at the time, um, because she just didn't like him at all.

SPEAKER_06 10:20

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_05 10:21

And I was like, Why why did you take it upon yourself to do that? But that's I'm glad she did, because then she was like, Oh, he has like a restraining order against him from his ex for domestic violence. And then when I confronted him about it, that's when he got violent. 'Cause I was like trying to leave.

SPEAKER_03 10:38

Crazy.

SPEAKER_05 10:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 10:41

Mm-hmm. And so how long what did you stay? So the first time when it got violent, but what was your reaction?

SPEAKER_05 10:51

Um I guess I was just in shock, like and also he like didn't drink our whole relationship. Um and I he didn't really make it seem like it was because he had a problem. He made it seem like he just didn't ever want to. Um but then when that happened, he did start drinking again, and I was like, Oh, okay, it's not because you by choice, it was like you have a problem. So it just kind of escalated from there. Like I guess it's like when they say people's eyes go black when they're like really drunk, that's what it was like. It was like he wasn't there. There was nothing I could do to like.

SPEAKER_03 11:26

Did you end it right away or did you try to figure out No, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 11:29

I I tried to end it right away, but I was kinda scared and I was living with him at the time. So I was like, I need to like make a plan and get out of here, like to where it's like not super like peacefully. Peacefully exit the building.

SPEAKER_03 11:46

Uh-huh. And how long did you guys live together?

SPEAKER_05 11:49

Um, it wasn't that long, probably like a couple a couple months.

SPEAKER_03 11:54

Okay. So you live together for about two months and then he started kind of showing his true colors, essentially.

SPEAKER_05 12:00

Well yeah, I found out and then I was like trying to leave and then he was like, You're not leaving. And I was like, I am though. I just need to plan this out.

SPEAKER_03 12:13

Okay. And then did did he do anything else after?

SPEAKER_05 12:18

Yes. I mean he he was probably like really violent towards me like three times. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 12:28

Doing what?

SPEAKER_05 12:30

Um he like basically like tortured me all all night one night. Um and like I was like basically like a hostage. It was like a h I think it was in the filing like a hostage situation almost, because it was like eight hours. He was like holding me down. And then would not let me leave. And yeah.

SPEAKER_03 12:53

He had held you down for eight hours, right?

SPEAKER_05 12:55

I mean he w held me down and then like he'd get up, and then he'd like if I tried to get up and s run, he would just like grab me and like you know, shut the door and like Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 13:06

What was he saying?

SPEAKER_05 13:08

Um This was so long ago. Um I don't know, just like that he's gonna kill me and like kill everybody I love.

SPEAKER_03 13:20

Were you afraid he was actually gonna kill you?

SPEAKER_05 13:23

Yeah, because I feel like when he was drunk it was like not him, you know? And he was like a great boyfriend up until that this all started. Like it wasn't like he was crazy the whole time, like he was like very normal, great guy. Um but then yeah, that happened.

SPEAKER_03 13:39

Okay. I I'm I'm confused. So uh he uh okay, d this all started because somebody told you to do a background check on him.

SPEAKER_05 13:50

No, my friend just she never liked him and she just one day I guess took it upon herself to to do a background check and then she sent me the like his ex's filings with him.

SPEAKER_03 14:01

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 14:01

And it was pretty scary stuff in there. So I was like, what is this?

SPEAKER_03 14:08

Uh-huh. And then when you confronted them, that's when it all started.

SPEAKER_05 14:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 14:12

Uh-huh. And but that was what, like a year and ten months into the relationship at that point.

SPEAKER_05 14:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 14:22

Right? And you just and and he just hadn't done anything violent or nope.

SPEAKER_04 14:29

He was like very normal.

SPEAKER_02 14:32

That's crazy to like what set him off, you know, like flip the switch.

SPEAKER_03 14:36

Yeah, I was like, oh, I don't know. Well, I mean, it sounds like he had a lot of abandonment issues, which essentially popped off the moment he realized that you were gonna leave him regardless of his past. So then what's the point of not drinking anymore? And the drinking was triggering all of the violence. Yeah. So but but what why did why didn't your fl friend like him if he was such a good boyfriend up until that point?

SPEAKER_05 15:01

Um, I guess she just felt like he was taking away me from her and like everybody. He was like very like just wanted to be with like take up all my time and like part of it was me. I like did kind of spend all my time with him and like started hanging out with my friends less, you know. So she just like I guess had a bad feeling about him. Actually, another one of my friends had a bad feeling about him too. But yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:26

Okay, interesting. Ums can reach it, dude. Apparently not me though. Yeah, no, no, if you're in love, if the love blocks blocks your powers, yeah. I I wouldn't give it that much of a uh credit.

SPEAKER_02 15:42

You know what's crazy? Almost any time I've dated a girl, if we're at a party and there's another girl that's like I used to hook up with or my ex or we had a thing, they will know. I swear to god, and they'll always like all of a sudden go talk to them, like become best friends with them, and I'm like, Why? This is weird, you know what I mean? But I don't know if they actually know or they can just like feel the energy energy, yeah, but they always like figure it out, yeah, it's like crazy.

SPEAKER_03 16:12

I think the issue is like there's always a couple of friends who um have sort of a like sense of jealousy, you know, and they want especially in situations where like they're like, oh well, you're spending all your time with your with your boyfriend, and it's like you're not spending time with us, and then it all of a sudden becomes about the guy being the bad guy, as opposed to just them being selfish, yeah. Which obviously under these circumstances it it played out differently, but so you know it's not that hundred percent of the time the girls are um always right about the boyfriend being you know not a good boyfriend or whatever. Yeah. So it it's interesting that like this person I I just it it's so interesting because like this person took it upon herself. Are you still friends with her?

SPEAKER_05 17:12

I'm assuming no, actually I'm not.

SPEAKER_03 17:15

Yeah, okay. That's that's what I was gonna say. That like you kinda she took it upon herself to kind of just go and like do this thing that that just that just seems so insane to me, yeah, but then you know, happened, you know, coincidentally that like obviously this guy was not a good person, yeah. But also it's it's it's one of those things where it's like had she not done that, would he still be sober and a good good boyfriend based upon that past? You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_05 17:52

I didn't, yeah, I think of that.

SPEAKER_02 17:54

Nah, I feel like it always comes up eventually. Like maybe you'd have gotten another six months out of it, but I feel like that shit's gonna bubble up eventually.

SPEAKER_05 18:01

Yeah, probably.

SPEAKER_03 18:03

People get triggered based upon very specific things. And I think if if he didn't feel abandoned, there's a possibility he wouldn't have drank anymore. And maybe, and and also what you have to realize is that sometimes people through time grow into just becoming better and better and building a level of self-confidence and and a level of um strength that like that that the that the very thing that broke him at that moment might have not been able to break him later on. So it's I mean, obviously you can't go into the past and like see what would have happened, but the reality of it is that this seems like to have been the very thing that that broke him into just becoming this like shitty person again. Yeah. And start drinking again. So it's just it's it's it's very interesting.

SPEAKER_05 19:00

Yeah, I didn't think of it like that.

SPEAKER_03 19:02

Yeah. Yeah. Why aren't you guys friends anymore?

SPEAKER_05 19:06

Uh me and the girl that um I guess at the time or I think I found out that she had known for a while and she didn't tell me. And I was like, that's weird, like that you would do that and then just not tell me about it for so long.

SPEAKER_03 19:21

And then um I don't really remember exactly what happened, but you were like idios, I just don't think you're the right person.

SPEAKER_05 19:32

Yeah, I just was like I feel like it wasn't the intention wasn't like her trying to protect me, it was like she just like wanted it was like almost like she was being strategic about when she told me. Um I guess, and I was just like Interesting. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 19:49

Um how did you guys meet you you and your ex?

SPEAKER_05 19:53

Um, we actually met, so I had known him for like six years before that.

SPEAKER_03 19:58

Um Do you just like date people that you've just kind of known for a while?

SPEAKER_05 20:03

No, you know what's funny is my first instinct about him was like he seems like really intense and like you know, but he was actually friends with one of my brother, he was one of my friend's brothers. So I was always like, that's weird, I don't want to date your brother, you know. She was always like, Oh, you should talk to my brother, and I was like, why do you want me to talk to your brother? But um, so we were just like friends for a long time, and then yeah, I guess I just I don't know, he just was like very persistent for a very long time. I guess.

SPEAKER_03 20:35

Uh-huh. Um It's are you one of those girls who like likes persistence guys as opposed to just like from the get-go?

SPEAKER_05 20:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 20:48

Uh-huh. You just you want them to show you they're in a hundred percent.

SPEAKER_05 20:52

Yeah, I like a passionate person.

Dating Apps And Curated Personas

SPEAKER_03 20:56

Just beg you please be in a relationship with me.

SPEAKER_05 20:59

Yeah, I don't know. And just like, you know, maybe he's not so bad after like I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 21:06

Do you um d uh where else do you meet guys?

SPEAKER_05 21:13

So I really only ever have like seriously dated anybody that I met in person. Um I'm not really I'm not on any dating apps or anything, but why not? Well, I'm in a relationship now. That's why. But even before that I wasn't.

SPEAKER_03 21:28

So you don't like dating apps? No.

SPEAKER_05 21:30

I just feel like the guys that I have ever like seriously liked when I saw their dating profile, I'd have been like, oh, I would never would have like swiped yes on this person. Like just I see I feel like some guys don't know how to like I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 21:47

Well the problem is the guys who do know how to optimize everything. Yes. Like those are the guys who are like, Yeah, this is how you manipulate her mind because look, I have a dog in the background of this picture shows she's gonna you know what I mean? Yeah. And the guys who are just like cool and like live their normal life feel like I have a picture of like them, it's like blurry social media. Exactly.

SPEAKER_05 22:08

Like maybe they don't have barely any pictures of themselves. And yeah.

unknown 22:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 22:13

And then the guys that are like really good at it, I feel like when you meet them in person, you're like, hmm.

SPEAKER_02 22:18

And then on top of it, the guys who are really good at it get a ton of matches because they have their profile just optimized. It's just like professional photos, like they do the face tune and everything. So they're they're they're going on like two dates per night. Like they're like lining them up like 5 p.m. I got this chick, 7 p.m. I got you.

SPEAKER_05 22:35

We got breakfast, lunch, dinner, lined up.

SPEAKER_02 22:37

We got brunch drawn in there to get extra time slot. Yeah. No, no, you're not missing anything in online dating. Yeah. Yeah. It's all been gum. It's all been gum. Yeah. And then people say, oh, oh, hinge is the class you wanna. No, it's the same pool of losers out there that they download hinge because they want more matches.

SPEAKER_05 23:00

They're on everyone.

SPEAKER_02 23:01

Raya used to be like, you know, the high value one, and now like any dude with like a four-pack and a fake crypto company is on Raya. You know what I mean? Like it used to be like celebrities and like all this stuff.

SPEAKER_05 23:12

So yeah, I've never been on Raya either.

SPEAKER_03 23:15

Yeah, yeah. Um how many relationships have you been in?

SPEAKER_05 23:21

Hmm. Four.

SPEAKER_03 23:24

Okay. So the one that you're currently in being one of them? Yeah. And then the one before that? Yeah. And then two more before. Yeah. How long were those?

SPEAKER_05 23:33

My high school boyfriend, I dated probably for around like eight years or I think.

SPEAKER_03 23:39

Eight years.

SPEAKER_05 23:39

I think so. Or like six years, maybe. I don't really know.

SPEAKER_03 23:42

Uh until how old?

SPEAKER_05 23:43

Um till college. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:46

Okay. And then?

SPEAKER_05 23:49

And then um we just broke up because it was like long distance, but he he also was a little crazy.

SPEAKER_03 23:59

But do you do you like dating crazy people?

SPEAKER_05 24:03

Uh it's starting to feel that way. But is your current thing? I don't wanna I don't wanna like say that because no, he's not, but I don't want to say that because I don't want to like put that out there for myself. Manifest it, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 24:16

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_05 24:16

But there's been a pattern, I feel like.

SPEAKER_03 24:19

Pattern in in dating or being in a relationship with crazy people. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 24:23

Uh-huh. But they don't start out crazy, okay?

SPEAKER_03 24:26

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_05 24:28

Is it is it's not my fault.

SPEAKER_03 24:30

That's what's interesting. That's that's what's interesting about patterns. Yeah. Is that the that that's what they are. They are crazy. It's just that you fail to see the pattern. No, it's not clear for me. And you just don't don't see it from the get-go because you're kind of blind to it.

SPEAKER_05 24:48

Yeah. Like looking back, the flags are all there, but I was like, Right. No, no, he's just really passionate.

SPEAKER_03 24:54

Why do you think this relationship you're currently in is any different? Um given the fact that you've been dating for two years on and off.

SPEAKER_05 25:03

Um I don't know. It just feels different. Like his personality is very like pretty much opposite of all the other guys I've dated.

SPEAKER_03 25:11

Like if like he's very guys in the beginning when you were dating them?

SPEAKER_05 25:16

No, because they all kind of had the same personality, like very like outgoing and like like just like make making things happen. Like if they want something, they're going for it, and they're like very like persistent.

SPEAKER_03 25:30

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 25:30

And then he's very like, okay, uh, like whatever.

SPEAKER_03 25:33

Like is is the guy you're currently with coming what was was he coming after you more um well okay. So I'm assuming he wasn't coming after you.

SPEAKER_05 25:46

He wasn't what?

SPEAKER_03 25:47

He wasn't coming after you.

SPEAKER_05 25:49

Um he was, but he was very like respectful of like any boundaries I set. Like he was like, like the other guys would have been like trying to push it if I was like, oh, I'm busy or like you know, I can't hang out this day. He'd they'd he'd like, well, I can come there and I'll meet you after and I could pick you up, and you know, but he's like, okay, yeah, it's like well let me know when you're free.

SPEAKER_04 26:07

Like, you know. And you like that.

SPEAKER_05 26:10

I yes, I like that now after what I've been doing. Uh-huh. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 26:15

Uh-huh. And so so so every time that you guys kind of broke up, that was your doing?

SPEAKER_05 26:23

Um I would say so, yeah. I was c it was because I was like, I feel like so traumatized, I guess, from my last relationship. I was like very like on edge, and I just felt like I don't know. I just was like, I don't think I'm like ready for another relationship right now. And I just I don't know. I was it was almost like I didn't trust myself to know if he was also safe or if I'm just doing this again to like you know you just needed him to be patient with you. Yeah, I just needed to like take some time to heal, I guess, and like yeah, just like

Awkward Dates And Compatibility Clues

SPEAKER_05 27:00

feel normal again.

SPEAKER_03 27:02

What are some of your craziest dating stories?

SPEAKER_05 27:08

I don't think this guy follows me anymore, so I don't want him to feel bad. Um there's this guy, we went on one date and everything was like very normal. We went to dinner, he was like very nice, respectful, good manners. And then the second date, he was like, Oh, like you should come over and we'll like order food and stuff. And like, I was like, Okay, cool. So then I go over there and I had told him on the first date that I'm like gluten-free, and um, which he didn't remember, which I didn't expect him to, but he went ahead and ordered all these like bratwursts. So random.

SPEAKER_03 27:43

What are those?

SPEAKER_05 27:44

I don't really know. They're like hot dogs, I guess.

SPEAKER_02 27:46

Okay. Do those have gluten bratwurst?

SPEAKER_05 27:48

Like the bun does. The bun, yeah, yeah. And also, I just he didn't really ask me if that's what I wanted. It's also a weird like date. Yeah, I was like, okay.

SPEAKER_02 27:57

Well, that's new. Um that's what you get. It's like you and the boys, you're cooking out, you're watching the game, you know, like let's get a bunch of brats together.

SPEAKER_05 28:07

I guess yeah, that's like I was like, okay, well, anyway, I was like, oh, I can't really have that because I'm gluten-free. And then he was like, oh, okay. And then he proceeds to eat all five of them that he ordered in one sitting. And I was like, oh wow. And then he tried to kiss me after, and I was like, Oh, like, I'm gonna, I think I'm gonna go. Like, I just like and I had like I've been hanging out with my friends, uh, we were like they were all at dinner, and so I kind of left them to go meet up with him, and then I was like, I'm gonna go back, actually. So it was just like a I don't know, I felt like kind of rude. It wasn't like, oh, I got gonna get something else or something.

SPEAKER_03 28:49

So you just sat there and watched him eat.

SPEAKER_05 28:52

Yeah, five race. I did. I hope I hope he doesn't see this. Was he like super good looking or he was really nice, and yeah, he was good looking. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 29:04

Uh-huh. But is that why you wanted to date him?

SPEAKER_05 29:07

I wasn't no. Um he seemed like very gentle and like very sweet and like I don't know, he was like we had a good conversation and stuff, but yeah, I was like gentle, very sweet, but not a gentle man. I guess so, yeah. Turned out to be a little bit shocking.

SPEAKER_03 29:29

It's it's interesting, like the the the dating stories that that we hear on this podcast. I like I don't I don't understand where y'all find these people.

SPEAKER_02 29:41

I think in the sewers. They go scurrying around in the sewers.

SPEAKER_03 29:44

It's it's like shocking to me because like we'd have like in our friend group, some of the like the nicest, you know, personalities, very gentleman-like, very caring, you know, so on and so forth. And then y'all are just like out there like dating all these like shitty ass people.

SPEAKER_05 30:05

Yeah. I mean, and at the same time, I was like, you know, maybe he was just really hungry. I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 30:10

But I mean, even if you was hungry, fine. Like you could eat all five of them, but for all I can. Like, I don't give a fuck. But like at least he should have been like feeding you, unless he tried to and you said no, I don't want anything.

SPEAKER_05 30:23

No, I I he didn't ask me, he just got right to business.

SPEAKER_03 30:26

Yeah, I mean, that's that's just crazy. It just sounds like he just ordered a bunch of food for himself.

SPEAKER_02 30:33

He was thinking, oh, well, you're gluten-free, so you can still have a brat where so you could just have without the bun, but since you didn't eat any, I guess you don't want any. Yeah. It is a weird thing not to ask, though, for sure.

SPEAKER_05 30:44

Yeah. And it was fine. I just felt like we're maybe I'm not compatible. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 30:50

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_05 30:51

It's kind of got the ache a little bit.

SPEAKER_02 30:54

I went on a date with a girl once and she told me she was vegan. So I'm like, okay, let me like find a restaurant that has like good vegan options and good, like normal people options, you know what I mean? Yeah. So I like found this place, we like go there, and she orders a chicken sandwich. And I'm like, no, no, no, this is like it's not impossible. Chicken, it's like a real chicken. And she ate the whole thing, and she told me that chickens don't have souls, so it's okay to eat chickens. So, like chicken and fish, she would eat, but she wouldn't eat any beef, she wouldn't eat any pork. But she would call herself vegan. She'd be like, Oh, I'm vegan, I'm vegan, I'm healthy, blah, blah, blah.

SPEAKER_05 31:29

Was this in LA?

SPEAKER_02 31:30

Yeah, yeah. How did you know?

SPEAKER_05 31:33

It's just the the some it's so specific people's dietary restrictions.

SPEAKER_01 31:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 31:39

Like, I don't eat this, and I do eat this. And it's like, everyone has their specific reason why. It doesn't always make sense, but you just kind of that's that's funny.

SPEAKER_03 31:50

Um what other crazy thing stories do you have?

SPEAKER_05 31:55

Um I have so many that I'm trying

Stalking After The Breakup

SPEAKER_05 32:00

to think what else I put on there.

SPEAKER_03 32:03

Oh. Um you said something about your place being cursed.

SPEAKER_05 32:07

Oh yes. So I guess back to the crazy guy. Um he like so I ended up moving out, and then I moved into a new place, and it's like a kind of like a condo, it has like three levels, and he was like banging on my door one night and ringing the doorbell, but I can't really hear that from my room in the third level. So he climbed up, scaled the wall, and was like banging on my bedroom window. And I was like, that's like I like persistence. No, I was over the persistence at that point. I was like, okay, this is like actually getting scary.

SPEAKER_03 32:42

How long after when you guys broke out, did that happen?

SPEAKER_05 32:45

Um, probably like a month.

SPEAKER_03 32:48

Uh-huh. And then what did what did you do?

SPEAKER_05 32:50

Um called the police.

SPEAKER_03 32:52

And then what happened? He ran?

SPEAKER_05 32:54

Yeah, he ran.

SPEAKER_03 32:55

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_05 32:57

He's a runner.

SPEAKER_03 32:59

Did you get a restraining order or the next day?

SPEAKER_05 33:02

I think I already had one actually. So he was like in violation of it at that time.

SPEAKER_03 33:06

Uh huh.

SPEAKER_05 33:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 33:08

So what did you do?

SPEAKER_05 33:09

I mean, I just hoped he would go away after that, but yeah.

SPEAKER_02 33:15

Do you think there's a part of your personality that's like like not attracted to like obviously people doing bad things, but like kind of attracted to like the danger or the excitement, the like you never know what's gonna happen.

SPEAKER_05 33:30

Yeah. I guess I just like I feel like I've always been like a very quiet person. So I'm like attracted to people that are not, and like very like because you know, they say we're attracted to people like who we want to be like, kind of in a way, sometimes. So I feel like I like am drawn to people that are like very out loud and outspoken, and like just say what is ever on their mind because

Confidence Versus Delusion In Dating

SPEAKER_05 33:50

that's like what I would like to be more like, I guess. It feels like very like I don't have to wonder what he's thinking, like he just says it all, you know. It just feels like very like okay, I know what's going on.

SPEAKER_02 34:02

Did you date a guy ever when you were younger and he was quiet and you're like, oh man, that's kind of boring. Like, uh, he didn't really do anything to fuck up, but it's just like uh it's just not working. I'm just not into it, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_05 34:14

Yeah, and then I wondered, I was like, I don't know if it's just because we're not compatible, or maybe it just doesn't have like a personality very much. I don't know which one it is.

SPEAKER_03 34:22

Like maybe he's more open around other people, but yeah, I have so you're you're saying that the the people who are outspoken are the ones you're attracted to, but those are not right for you.

SPEAKER_05 34:38

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 34:40

But why aren't they right for you?

SPEAKER_05 34:42

Why aren't they not?

SPEAKER_03 34:43

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_05 34:43

Um, I don't know that they're all not, but I just feel like the ones that you've had experiences with. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 34:50

Uh-huh. Well, perhaps the part where they're outspoken is not really the issue, is probably something else that you're missing.

SPEAKER_05 34:57

Yeah. I mean I I yeah, I just like very confident people, I guess, who are but maybe it's like a little toxic.

SPEAKER_03 35:08

You think confident confident people are toxic?

SPEAKER_05 35:10

No, I'm saying like there's like levels of toxic confidence, like overly confident, that are like, you know, those type of guys.

SPEAKER_03 35:18

I don't think it has to do with toxicity, toxicity. I mean Because you could be overly confident and not be toxic.

SPEAKER_02 35:25

But you can be overly confident to the point where you're delusional.

SPEAKER_01 35:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 35:30

Sure. Like like confidence isn't good in itself. Confidence is good if you're confident in something that you can back up with like experience. Like if I'm compli confident I'm gonna jump off this cliff and survive, that's like bad confidence. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 35:48

Yes, but that but there's a different word for it. It's called delusional. It has yes, I guess, but but the problem is like you could you could be a confident person, right? Confidence comes from uh uh from from the level of understanding that you're capable of doing anything. Yes, and and telling yourself that you're capable of doing anything and believing in yourself. That's confidence. Now, within that, do I believe that I could fly? Obviously not. You know, that's but if I said that I was able to fly, that's not me being confident, it's just me being delusional.

SPEAKER_06 36:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 36:25

You know, you just uh once you cross that line, then you're just in that other realm of just being a crazy person. So it's it's so I guess the issue is not so much that you're you're kind of attracted to people who are confident because because being attracted to somebody who's confident is a good thing.

SPEAKER_04 36:45

Thank you.

SPEAKER_03 36:47

It is. It is because I would assume that the guy that you're currently dating is isn't not confident. Yes. I'm sure he is confident, otherwise he wouldn't be like so comfortable with you just you know doing whatever you want and giving you a space.

SPEAKER_05 37:01

Yeah, I think it's he has more of like a quiet confidence, is the difference. Which it's still there.

SPEAKER_03 37:08

Uh-huh. Still there. Yeah. Do you what do you mean by quiet confidence?

SPEAKER_05 37:13

Like he just doesn't he doesn't need to like, I guess, boast about it.

SPEAKER_03 37:18

Right. Yeah. Yeah. So he could just be confident and like not brag. Yeah. So he's just not braggy.

SPEAKER_05 37:24

Yeah, he's not braggy. He's not like too showy and flashy, or trying to get people's attention. Sure. Trying to be like the I guess like not class clown, but kind of type persony.

SPEAKER_03 37:36

Right.

SPEAKER_05 37:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 37:38

Yeah. So it seems like you're kind of going after or or you were um allowing guys who were egotistically um narcissists and then and just not great personalities. Yeah. Even though they were confident and they had other qualities. Because you could have multiple good qualities,

Personal Red Flags And Communication

SPEAKER_03 38:00

but also a bunch of bad qualities.

SPEAKER_04 38:01

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 38:02

Yeah. Um what are some of your red flags for yourself?

SPEAKER_05 38:08

Um, I've been told that I'm not a good communicator and that I am bad at reassurance. And that and personally I know that like when I get mad I can say things that I don't mean. So that's what I've been told.

SPEAKER_03 38:28

So okay. Explain that to me. I never really understand when people do that.

SPEAKER_04 38:33

Do what?

SPEAKER_03 38:34

Like, like get upset and like say things. Yeah. That's like because I just like to me that's such a I just I just don't think I have that button. So so I can't really understand when people would say, like, like let's say if I like got mad at you and it was like you're so ugly. Right? And like if I'm not mad, I don't think that. Let's say I just I think that you're very beautiful, and then and then I get mad and I'm like, you're like the ugliest person I've ever seen. Like, yeah. I just don't understand how that would make any sense.

SPEAKER_05 39:09

Yeah, and it's think it stems from my like first relationship in high school. Like he he was very like verbally abusive, and so I kind of just got used to that, and I just was like, Oh, he doesn't mean it, like he's just mad, you know. And so then I would do it, and then when I got into other relationships, I was like, Oh, people really don't like that.

SPEAKER_03 39:27

Like what would like what would you say?

SPEAKER_05 39:31

Like, he I don't know, he'd be like, uh, I don't know, just like he would say stuff like you are ugly and whatever, and then I'd be like, Okay, great, so are you, like, you know. So I just kind of like started to get to the point where I was like, when people say things to me, I'm like, it doesn't really like affect me because I got so used to it for so long. But when I say it back, I'm like, oh yeah, I forgot people other people are not used to that, you know. They don't like people don't like that.

SPEAKER_03 40:02

Well, I suppose if somebody's telling if if well I guess if somebody's talking a bunch of shit, then you know they deserve whatever is coming. But if somebody is not, yeah, then that'd be a surprise.

SPEAKER_05 40:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 40:14

Yeah. Are you are you very um emotionally unstable?

SPEAKER_05 40:19

Um, no, if anything, I feel like I'm very emotionally detached and like people have a problem with that, I've been told. Yeah. They're like, oh, I don't know how you feel, and I don't I don't feel like I'm like half the time I don't even know how I feel.

SPEAKER_03 40:31

I'm just like you have commitment issues?

SPEAKER_05 40:34

Um probably a little bit. Just because I'm like at the point where I'm like, I don't feel like I need I'm like I've done I've been in love. I don't like I'm not super that's not my main goal is to like get married and find somebody. Like I'm like if anything, I'm a little tired.

SPEAKER_03 40:53

Interesting.

SPEAKER_05 40:54

But I'm just more focused on like work and stuff. Like I've I've like I've put so much so many opportunities aside when I was younger, like for guys, like I would have like a great opportunity and then they'd be jealous and not want me to do it. And so I would like respect that and be like, okay, I'm not gonna do it, and whatever. And now looking back, I'm like, I should have just said I'm doing it all, like you guys can just deal with it, you know. Because I'm like, if they were in my shoes, they probably would have done the same thing, you know. Just like yeah.

SPEAKER_03 41:27

So it's interesting because we'd

Career Focus And Protecting Your Life

SPEAKER_03 41:30

have conversations with people who would um say things like, Oh, they're no like they're no good guys, uh, you know, dating is so difficult, like blah blah blah. Um, but I've realized like after when you when you pass a certain age, especially in women, they become so jaded that they just cut off all the hopeful possibilities. Yeah. You know, like the like like you just said a bunch of things that were just so for lack of a better word, depressing, you know, for your life. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 42:08

But I feel I feel like the happiest about it. I feel like this is what I should have been doing the whole time is just like worrying about me, you know, instead of being like, because I do tend to like when I start to care about somebody, I like really care about them and I put all my energy into them and their whole day and like texting all day and everything. And I'm like, it's really taking away from like where what I could be doing for myself, you know.

SPEAKER_03 42:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 42:29

And like focusing on my career and everything.

SPEAKER_04 42:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 42:33

Well, I mean, essentially you want a relationship that allows you to grow the way that you desire. Yes. Without feeling like you're tied down and being held back.

SPEAKER_04 42:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 42:44

And so if if those people are not letting you be yourself, then they're just not compatible with you.

SPEAKER_05 42:53

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 42:57

But it sounds like you got some hope now.

SPEAKER_05 43:00

Yeah, I mean I've I'm I I'm like a very I feel like positive person. Like I just always like, I'm like, you know, it's everything's gonna be okay, it's not that big a deal. And I just kind of move on quickly from like I guess any kind of negative feeling. Like I I don't really like try to hold on to negativity, I guess. Like I'm like I feel like I also just do better on my own sometimes, but then I just keep meeting people that are like wanting to be together, and I'm like, okay, you can we can do this, but you have to just like be calm and normal.

SPEAKER_03 43:37

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Um

Jealousy On A First Date

SPEAKER_03 43:40

You said something about going on a date where a guy taking you on a date uh to a Dodgers game.

SPEAKER_05 43:46

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 43:46

What happened?

SPEAKER_05 43:48

That was so bad. That was like he didn't do anything, but it it did kind of like it was a kind of a red flag, just the way he handled it, I guess. But I also understand it from his perspective. So I went on the date with this guy to a Dodgers game and we were like in the f right by the dugout. And then we're just like having a great time, whatever. And then all of a sudden, like this guy from my high school is like pops out of the dugout and he starts like waving at me and smiling at me. And I was like, I don't even know who that is. And I'm like, is he looking at me? And then I'm like, wait, then he does kind of look familiar. And then I was like, I realized he's my ex from high school's friend, one of his friends. And he wasn't on the team or anything. He was like some part of like the sports. I don't really know what he does, like a trainer or something. Um, but it just looked bad because he was just like waving at me, and I'm like, hey. But then he just kept doing it like every opportunity. He just and I was and then he started to be like, okay, like who is that guy? And I'm like, I really don't know him. Like, I barely know him. Like, I don't even think we're from the same, like, we went to the same like high school town, but he went to the other high school, so I really didn't know him. And then I was like, it was just I was like, okay, we waved, like, we that's enough waving, like, one is good, you know. And I think he had a girlfriend too at the time. I think he might be married now to that girl. But he was just like really getting really jealous about it. And I was like, I promise you, I don't really know this guy that well. And if anything, I was like, is he trying to ruin my date because he's friends with my ex? You know? Is he trying to like, does he know what he's doing? That was kind of where my mind was going. So anyway, he got really like mad at me about it, my date. And so then I kind of just stopped talking to him after that because I was like, I barely know you. This is our first date, you know. It's not really it's not really that like it doesn't really make sense to get that mad when I just met you. You know? We're still friends, like we're not that was that was the last date.

SPEAKER_03 45:49

Yeah, we know uh we know a couple people who get emotionally way overinvested with women who uh they just meet. Really? That's true. Like, like they'll like lay their eyes upon you and all of a sudden, you know, you're the love of their life.

SPEAKER_05 46:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 46:09

So I've I've noticed men, and and I don't know where that comes from. I think it's just this um emotional immaturity, probably.

SPEAKER_02 46:20

You're the one who always is the proponent of that. You always tell me, yeah, this girl who was love at first sight, the moment I laid eyes on her, I knew she was the one. And I'm like, no, that's like retarded.

SPEAKER_03 46:34

Well, you're referring to two people. Yeah. One of them I was in uh six years on and off relationship with, and the other one is my wife, so I don't know what you're talking about. What if oh you're married? Yes, okay.

SPEAKER_00 46:46

What if congrats like what do you mean?

SPEAKER_02 46:51

But what if the person that we're referring to sees a girl, and then to him, he's getting the same feelings that you got when you saw your wife for the first time. So he's thinking, just like you were thinking that's my wife, he's thinking that's my wife.

SPEAKER_03 47:05

Well, I would agree with you if there is a the the track record would would align. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 47:10

Just because the girl doesn't like him doesn't mean like he's not that into the girl.

SPEAKER_03 47:16

That makes no sense. If the girl doesn't like him, yeah means that it's not reciprocal, which means that the feeling that he's feeling is just lack of maturity on his end.

SPEAKER_02 47:26

No, you could still like you could be in love with a girl and she's not in love with you. That's still like imagine your wife, uh-huh, you see her for the first time, you're like, oh my god, my true love. Fucking Romeo and Julia came down from the heavens and like shot me with the arrow or whatever. That's my true love. Then you go up to Vika and she's like, eh, you're not really my type. Sorry. Like, what if that happened? You know? Like you lucked out that like your true loves loved you back, but like what if they didn't?

SPEAKER_03 47:52

But if that but if that happens, then I I have to say that I'm wrong. But the wrong is that liking the person or

Astrology Talk And Reverse Manifestation

SPEAKER_03 48:00

in I'm wrong in thinking that this person is my soulmate, because they're clearly not.

SPEAKER_02 48:04

Oh, so you're talking about actual like soulmates and stuff.

SPEAKER_03 48:07

You just don't believe in it. Just because you don't believe in it doesn't mean that it doesn't exist.

SPEAKER_02 48:12

The main reason I don't believe in it is is because I'm not gullible, delusional, I don't have the brain of a small child, but like other than that, maybe No, it's because you've never experienced what are your signs?

SPEAKER_03 48:22

How about guess his sign?

SPEAKER_02 48:24

You'll never guess mine. I'm like the opposite of what people think.

SPEAKER_05 48:27

Oh gosh. I kind of want to start with you. Are you Scorpio? No. Okay, Taurus? No. Okay. I'm gonna give you guys two. I I'm just gonna guess two for each of you because otherwise I'm obviously wrong already. Um cancer?

SPEAKER_01 48:42

No.

SPEAKER_05 48:43

Um Gemini.

SPEAKER_00 48:46

How dare you? How dare you! That's the worst time. Maybe the toxic motherfuckers.

SPEAKER_05 48:53

Maybe that's fire.

SPEAKER_02 48:54

I'm typing Pisces. Okay. I done finds a believer though. Thank you. I'm actually having my birthday party tomorrow if you want to roll through. Oh, thank you. Um, but uh, I don't like Pisces, they're they're crybabies. Are they? Yeah, oh no, I have trauma. You know, it's just like man up, you know. It's like you don't like your own sign. I don't like my sign. Uh I don't think that's why I identify as a Leo and an Aries rising, yeah, which is like more in tune with like, you know.

SPEAKER_05 49:25

You like these are good. I'll accept these.

SPEAKER_02 49:27

My dad is my dad is old school, so growing up, it's you know, I remember I came in kindergarten one time, I fell off my bike, I like skin my knee. I'm like, daddy, my knee hurts. And he looks at me, he's like, good thing you're tough, squalks away. Like taught me a valuable lesson, and now all the little Gen Zs, you know, oh my knee hurts. Oh, let's let's go ride bird scooters, little Gen Z, and talk about your feelings together. You know what I mean? And then they grow up, and then they have like no like accountability, they have no toughness, and then they're just play video games all day, you know?

SPEAKER_05 50:00

Yeah, maybe, but at least you're like a dreamer, though. That's a good thing about Pisces.

SPEAKER_02 50:04

You're dreamers? Yeah, maybe that's more of a doer, you know.

SPEAKER_05 50:08

Yes, the the other parts, but like the Pisces, you're able to like see the vision of your dream life, and it seems like you did it.

SPEAKER_02 50:15

Yeah, yeah. I use reverse manifestation, that's the key. Yeah, okay. Do you go in your manifestation or not?

SPEAKER_05 50:20

I do, but what is the reverse manifestation?

SPEAKER_02 50:22

Okay, you know, all those people, oh, imagine like how amazing your life is gonna be. Picture the million dollars in your hand. Uh huh. You gotta picture the opposite. Okay. Imagine being broke as fuck the rest of your life. Imagine driving around a uh a Honda Corolla. You're scaring yourself, yeah. Yeah, like fuck that, dude. I'm never gonna do that. Then you like wake, get to the fucking gym, and then like get get to work, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_05 50:47

Okay, okay. Yeah, I got okay.

SPEAKER_02 50:50

Like, have you seen Star Wars, the movie Star Wars?

SPEAKER_05 50:52

Yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 50:52

So you know, like the so the light side of the forest, right? Yeah, it's like peace and love, and let's meditate in like a swamp with Yoda, blah blah blah. Dark side of the foos can literally shoot lightning bolts out of their fingers. So, what it taught me is the dark side is always stronger than the light side.

SPEAKER_05 51:09

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_02 51:10

Yeah, so you gotta use the dark side.

SPEAKER_05 51:12

Maybe I should try that, just scare myself into working harder.

SPEAKER_06 51:16

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 51:17

It's interesting. If you want to identify as any signs, why not identify to be the perfect sign?

SPEAKER_01 51:23

Leo?

SPEAKER_03 51:24

Virgo.

SPEAKER_01 51:26

No, Virgos are Virgo alert. Nerd alert. Nerd alert is.

SPEAKER_02 51:32

They're the huge nerds, yeah. I mean, we need Virgos to like keep everyone in line, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 51:37

Yeah, like you guys have to like, you know, tighten the screws and the and you're always there to remind everyone, you could be better. You're doing good, but there's always room for everyone.

SPEAKER_02 51:47

I believe it's hot to talk when you put the Virgo, and I was like, oh, this adds up.

SPEAKER_05 51:51

Yeah, but I need that.

SPEAKER_02 51:52

I need somebody to be like be like, oh, you want to grab some food later? I'll be like, yeah, sure. And then it's like ping, like Google calendar invite from Mohammed. Like these are gonna ask is like fucking the top of the car, you know?

SPEAKER_05 52:08

You gotta make sure.

SPEAKER_03 52:09

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I showed my spreadsheet to somebody the other day, and and she was she said, You're a crazy person. I was like, I'm not a crazy person. I was just like, This is the this it's the only way to function. I don't understand people who do who don't use spreadsheets. Like, it's just like I'm like, how do you live life? It's chaotic. I'll let you know. It's chaotic. I sent somebody a calendar invite, they were like, Oh, I don't, I don't, I don't use a calendar. I was like, What what do you mean you don't use a like in what world can you possibly function without one?

SPEAKER_06 52:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 52:43

I mean, I do use a calendar, but I do think some people, and this is gonna be a this might change your entire worldview. What they do is they make decisions in the moment. Yeah, that's me. That's my problem. So they feel something and then they do something.

SPEAKER_05 52:57

I need a spreadsheet.

SPEAKER_03 53:00

Let me know anytime. I'll make your one.

SPEAKER_02 53:02

But we'll get the formulas going, the conditional formatting, you know.

SPEAKER_05 53:05

He's like, this is what's where you're going wrong. Please stop.

SPEAKER_02 53:09

I ran your entire life through a database of an algorithm and I came out with uh stop dating toxic men.

unknown 53:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 53:15

You should make an app.

SPEAKER_03 53:18

Actually working on one.

SPEAKER_05 53:19

Oh, really?

SPEAKER_03 53:20

Yeah, yeah. Well, it's it's well, it's right now it's gonna be like a catfish app. Okay. That like recognizes when when girls are catfishes because AI and you know, FaceTune is just fucking out of control. Yeah. So it'll give you like a percentage of you know how how much of a catfish this percentage is that's hilarious. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 53:40

Do if there's a way you can make it like scrub the internet for like photos of them, you know, that's not on their Instagram, and then match it up and then find what they really do.

SPEAKER_03 53:49

Yeah, yeah, that would be that would be interesting.

SPEAKER_05 53:51

I'm a Virgo rising, but I think it's not coming through how I need it to.

SPEAKER_03 53:56

Probably suppressing it.

SPEAKER_02 53:57

Yeah, what's your what's your normal sign?

SPEAKER_05 53:59

Libra.

SPEAKER_02 54:00

Oh, Libras. You guys are like the leaves in the wind. Yes, exactly. My friend was a Libra. It's like, I swear every month, like she's like, oh, like I'm like crashing on my friend's couch. And it's like, oh now I'm living with this guy I met. Then she was like in Hawaii for like three months, and then she's like back in LA. We just go where the wind takes us. Yeah, just kind of like, and like I don't know how she figures it out every time. I'm like, you're gonna be homeless like every time she just finds somewhere to stay, you know. Yeah, not that that's you, but all the other Libras,

Tattoos And Body Count Anxiety

SPEAKER_02 54:30

yeah.

SPEAKER_05 54:30

Yeah, all the other ones, crazy. Yeah, we like to live in the moment and kind of just see where we go from there.

SPEAKER_03 54:37

You got matching tattoos with your ex?

SPEAKER_05 54:39

I did, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 54:40

What was the tattoo?

SPEAKER_05 54:42

Well, he got my letter of my first name and I got his.

SPEAKER_03 54:45

Where?

SPEAKER_05 54:46

Just on our fingers. Mine's fading. I got it lasered, but it's not doing very good. Uh-huh. Yeah. Uh-huh. Like lasered to remove it? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 54:54

Why don't you just make it spell out something different, you know?

SPEAKER_05 54:56

Okay, if anyone can come up with an idea of what I could cover it up with, I'd love to know.

SPEAKER_02 55:01

Daddy. Or you just have to marry somebody that also has a D in their name.

SPEAKER_05 55:09

I'm like, this was for you. He's like, why does it look so faded?

SPEAKER_03 55:13

Or you could do OBD. What is that? Only big dick.

SPEAKER_01 55:18

That works too.

SPEAKER_02 55:23

It does work. But no.

SPEAKER_05 55:24

I've never heard that. I don't know if it's gonna fit.

SPEAKER_02 55:28

You can do diva. Diva. Diva.

SPEAKER_05 55:31

And then I'm a granny, like girls, you just didn't get the vibes. Like, this this was all the hype.

SPEAKER_03 55:38

That's funny. I told my wife, um, she's gonna get my name tattooed on her forehead.

SPEAKER_05 55:45

She's like, okay, yeah, temporary. He didn't say I couldn't do temporary.

SPEAKER_03 55:49

I'm actually wondering if are there um these you know, you know the when you write with the markers that uh glow in the dark? Yeah. Are there tattoos like that?

SPEAKER_05 56:03

I think there is, right? Or like there's like glow in the dark ink or something. Or you could do like a white tattoo. Those you can't really see, but they're there.

SPEAKER_03 56:12

Well, you can't see it with a white person.

SPEAKER_05 56:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 56:17

Because then if you tan, you could see it.

SPEAKER_05 56:18

Yeah, when you get tan, you can see them. Yeah. But when you're pale, you can't.

SPEAKER_03 56:22

But I'm thinking if I put glow in the dark tattoo on her forehead, you know, you can't see it. Only at the dark on yeah. Only when it matters. Yeah, only when it matters.

SPEAKER_05 56:31

That's like smart. That's crazy.

SPEAKER_02 56:33

Imagine you're about to bang up some chick, and then all of a sudden you look up and it's like Mohammed. Property Property of Mohammed.

SPEAKER_05 56:44

He's like, You have something to tell me?

SPEAKER_03 56:48

Have you ever seen that video of uh um it was this like skit of like when whenever you have sex with someone, um, you the number pops up on your forehead?

SPEAKER_02 57:00

Oh, I think so.

SPEAKER_03 57:02

Yeah, so the like people would have like numbers of the people they've had sex with on their forehead.

SPEAKER_05 57:06

Their phone number?

SPEAKER_03 57:07

No, the number of the people they've had sex with. You sleep with the new dude that hooks up to the next one. So like if you just slept with like a hundred people, it'll say a hundred people. Okay, you just slept with like two people, it'll say two people. And there was this girl, then and on the girl's forehead, it would it said like zero. So the guy was like, Oh, I'm like having sex with a virgin, and the guy's number was like 1158 or something like that. Scary. And then the next morning he wakes up and still says zero. And he was like, Yo, what the fuck? I'm pretty sure we had sex last night. She's like, she's like, Yes, yes, we did. And then he's like, but the number didn't change change on your forehead, and she was like, Wait, uh, what do you mean? And maybe it's glitching or whatever, and then and then the tape comes off and it's like 10,000 numbers.

SPEAKER_05 57:54

Oh my gosh, wait, what is this on?

SPEAKER_03 57:56

It was on YouTube. Oh, okay. It was a while ago. It's kind of or just funny. I feel like, do you think like if people if you knew well, I mean, I don't know, some people, but does it matter what the body count of a person is?

SPEAKER_04 58:10

Um, I don't really want to know.

SPEAKER_03 58:12

Like you just don't care.

SPEAKER_04 58:14

I don't want to know. If it's really high, don't I don't want to know.

SPEAKER_03 58:18

If it's low, you would want to know? What's well I guess tell me this. What's what's a high body count?

SPEAKER_04 58:24

20?

SPEAKER_03 58:25

20 is a high body count for somebody who's you're in your 30s.

SPEAKER_05 58:29

I know. I don't know. That's why I don't want to know. Because yeah, to me, that's high.

SPEAKER_03 58:34

Okay, let's let's do the math real quick. How many people can a guy sleep with per week? And that's reasonable.

SPEAKER_05 58:43

Like a single guy?

SPEAKER_03 58:45

Yeah. Um one would one would hope that you're dating somebody who was single before you.

SPEAKER_05 58:51

I want my man to never have been with anyone else ever. So um realistically, I don't know. I don't want I don't want to know.

SPEAKER_03 59:00

Like, is it okay if a guy had sex has sex with like one girl per week?

SPEAKER_05 59:04

Like a different girl?

SPEAKER_03 59:05

Well, yes.

SPEAKER_05 59:07

Um I don't I'm not gonna say it's okay.

SPEAKER_03 59:11

Is that like a reasonable number? One per month is okay?

SPEAKER_05 59:14

I guess.

SPEAKER_03 59:16

One per month.

SPEAKER_05 59:17

Don't love it, but I sure one girl per month.

SPEAKER_02 59:22

I feel like in the scene we're in and like our friends and stuff like that, one a month is like like for normal people with just like normal jobs, one a month is a lot. Like they're like, oh dang, that's like 12 new chicks a year. Like they'd be like, yo, bro, like you're slaying, you know what I mean? I think it's just like we're so used to like our friend group who like parties and we go out and like we talk to girls, whatever. Like, not me, I'm very shine romantic, but all of you guys, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 59:49

Right, right, right.

SPEAKER_02 59:50

That like I think we're not like used to like the normies, and the normies, like they nine to five, then like they're kind well, they're kind of losers, so they don't really have friends, they don't go out a lot. So, like for a lot of people, like one a month is like a lot.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:04

Would you prefer to date a guy who's virgin?

SPEAKER_05 1:00:07

No. No.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:08

Do you want somebody who's experienced?

SPEAKER_05 1:00:11

I mean, yeah, I don't want to.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:12

Do you want somebody who's in good?

SPEAKER_05 1:00:13

I don't want to take some guy's virginity at this age. That's crazy. I'd be like, I think you should say that because it's like someone your virgin life.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:23

He said, I've been waiting for forever to find a perfect person.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:28

I feel like that'd put be like a lot of pressure.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:30

Because you don't think you're perfect.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:32

I know I'm not perfect.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:33

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:34

Um I'd like, I I need you to find somebody else for that.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:40

You gotta find you gotta find someone who used to be a fuck boy. And then they're not anymore, and then they grew their virginity back. They grew back yeah, so then now they're a virgin again, but they have the experience from their fuck boy days. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:53

Zach becomes a virgin every couple years. Yeah. It resets he regains his virginity.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:00

Every time he takes a shower.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:01

No, this is science. This is actually scientific. You guys probably don't know this because you're not as smart as me. But every seven years, all the cells in your body at some point have died, and then it's all new cells. Okay. So then you're technically every cell in your body is different than the cell in your body seven years ago. So therefore, if you don't have sex for seven years, your virginity would reset because the cells in your body have never had sex with anybody.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:27

So seven, fourteen, twenty-one, twenty-eight. I need to find a twenty-eight-year-old. I was gonna do that.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:33

I don't think that'd be the minimum. I don't think I've ever heard so much nonsense. And then I and then somebody else think about it as if the nonsense was not nonsense. It's true.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:47

I mean, I don't make the rules. I don't like the rules.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:50

Okay, so what's the what's the oldest you would date? So just nine years older than you. Like 45 is too old.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:04

I don't know. I don't know any I don't think I know anything.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:06

There's no way that you're not getting hit on by like 40-year-olds and 45-year-olds.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:11

Oh yeah, I do, but I just feel weird.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:14

Because they're too old.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:16

Not that they're too old, I just feel like I don't know. I just I feel like we have like a different pair. Like maybe they're not gonna get my jokes and stuff, you know? You know, different generations.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:31

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. So you you think that if they're too old that that you wouldn't be able to connect with them? Yeah. Uh-huh. Interesting.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:42

Like, what if they're up to dinner and she's like, six seven, and they're like, I don't understand what that means. You know?

SPEAKER_05 1:02:48

They're like, I remember 67. I'm like, okay.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:51

They're like, you mean 69? That's what we used to say when we were kids, you know?

SPEAKER_05 1:02:55

Yeah, I guess 45. I don't even know.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:58

Okay. What's the youngest you would date?

SPEAKER_04 1:03:01

Um, probably like 29.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:06

Just a couple years younger. You wouldn't date somebody who was like 22, 23. No. Do you have friends? Uh are all your friends within the same age range as you?

SPEAKER_05 1:03:16

Yeah, most of my friends are like a couple years older than me.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:20

Are they all um in relationships?

SPEAKER_05 1:03:23

No. Not all of them. Some of them are. Some of them are married. I'd say it's about half half married, like very serious married, and then the other half are just.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:33

What would you say is the biggest problem that you and your single friends have identified well, I guess you're not single anymore, but up until the moment when you work, um, as the reason why you all are single.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:49

Why they're single? Um Yeah. I mean I I think it just depends on each friend, but sometimes I think like I mean one of my friends, a lot of my friends have never really had a series boyfriend. So I don't really know what to say about that. But I don't know, maybe they're just like like the wrong guys, I guess. I don't know. I don't really know. I try not to like involve myself in their business. Or like judge them.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:28

Do you think do you think that women um have too high of a standard when it comes to dating?

Standards And What A Date Should Feel Like

SPEAKER_05 1:04:36

Um I think lately, yes, more so, but I don't think I I don't think it's my friends have like too high of standards, and that's why I think they need to have a reason a little bit.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:50

Oh really? Yeah. Why is that?

SPEAKER_05 1:04:52

I don't know, because some of the guys say date. I'm like they kind of date younger guys though, and I think that might be the problem. Like maybe someone a little more mature.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:02

You know. What's a perfect date?

SPEAKER_05 1:05:05

Perfect date. Um I saw something funny recently, but I'm not gonna say that.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:12

You what?

SPEAKER_05 1:05:13

One of my friends sent me this like video, and it was like the perfect when somebody asks me my perfect date, but it's just me on the date with my best friend, and there's a guy and he keeps bringing us snacks and drinks. But that's not my favorite date. My favorite date would probably be like getting dinner and then like going to the beach, walking around on the beach. I've been hanging out in San Diego a lot, so there's a lot of beach activities. So just something like beach and like dinner and just like hanging out. Maybe ride some bikes. I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:50

You would live in West Hollywood, no? Yeah. But you go to the beach a lot. You must love this weather.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:58

Um yeah. It's been it's been off and on like back and forth.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:04

Yeah. What are your hobbies?

SPEAKER_05 1:06:08

I like to paint. Loving your guys' paintings in here. I like I make jewelry.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:18

What do you mean you make jewelry?

Acting Work And Native Typecasting

SPEAKER_03 1:06:20

Like from scratch?

SPEAKER_05 1:06:22

Yes, from scratch. Like weedwork. Like a second aid American style weedwork. Nice idea. Yeah. And then I guess that's pretty much it. I mean I guess TikTok's kind of a hobby.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:36

TikTok is a hobby. Is it a is it a hobby or is it a um career?

SPEAKER_05 1:06:40

Well now it's turning into a career, but it started off as like a hobby.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:48

Do you so so you said that you're you're an actress or you're just getting into acting?

SPEAKER_05 1:06:54

Yeah, I would say now that I am an actress. But I I didn't used to do mostly commercial acting and now I'm doing like act theatrical acting.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:02

Are you having a a hard time with um uh being taken seriously?

SPEAKER_05 1:07:08

Um yes.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:11

Why's that?

SPEAKER_05 1:07:12

Um I feel like I don't know if it's because of my ethnicity, but I get like a typecast um and like just kind of stereotypical native roles, which is great too, but there's not like a lot of new movies and shows that are like we're looking for a Native American girl, you know, unless it's like she was murdered or she was she's the alcoholic one, or she's like the you know, just like I'm like ranges range of options here.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:43

I haven't particularly experienced um people or like shows really being about Native Americans, like being you guys aren't trending yet.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:57

You know what I mean? I feel like for a while it's like okay, we need more black people in movies, boom, Black Panther, right? Then it's like, oh man, stop Asian hate. Okay, let's get the Asian people in the movies, boom. And then like I feel like the next wave is gonna be Latin people, it's kind of like like Bad Bunny, like Super Bowl. You know, it's like let's let that's where we're gonna trend next. So like I think your day's gonna come, but you just gotta wait. We're on the way. Yeah. Yeah.

Love Languages And Fear Of Opening Up

SPEAKER_05 1:08:20

Yeah. We shall see.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:22

What's your love language?

SPEAKER_05 1:08:24

Um, I forget what they all are.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:27

Uh physical touch, words of affirmation, gifts, quality time, and um access service.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:37

Okay. A couple years ago I would have had a different answer, but now I know for sure. Mine is physical touch and um what words of affirmation.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:47

So those are number one and two.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:49

Okay. What does that mean? What do you mean okay?

SPEAKER_03 1:08:52

That would be your first and second.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:54

Um no, I think words of affirmation first.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:57

Words of affirmation, affirmation first, and then the second one, physical touch. Yeah. And then your last one is what's the least favorite?

SPEAKER_05 1:09:08

Shoot, can you tell me them again?

SPEAKER_03 1:09:10

Um Acts of Service. Okay. Um, gifts. Gifts.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:16

And you want me to pick gifts, don't you? I said you want me to pick gifts, don't you?

SPEAKER_03 1:09:22

Well, I mean, I don't want you to pick anything, but yes, ideally, if you pick gifts, that would be great.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:26

Yeah. For the last one, like my bottom of the gifts. Yes, yes, yes. Wait. If I have sorry, what are they again? Gifts. What do I have left?

SPEAKER_03 1:09:33

Gifts, acts of service, quality time.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:36

Acts of service and quality tax. I guess acts of service, like, I don't really need to really do anything like that.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:45

Oh, really? You do seem like somebody who does need people to do stuff for them.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:51

I feel like I'm very independent, actually, and I I have a hard time like asking them for help. So I'm like, I'm gonna just do it myself.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:58

But that would actually make it even more so. I mean, I'm not trying to you know change your love language. But but if somebody who doesn't want to or doesn't ask for help doesn't necessarily mean they don't need any.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:12

Yeah. Wait, are is this the one for like what I like to receive or is this the one that I do?

SPEAKER_03 1:10:16

You like to receive.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:17

Oh, okay, good.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:19

That we're on track.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:21

Um I mean, I think it's nice when people like do stuff for you. Like, you know, like, oh hey, I filled up your water bottle. It's like that was thoughtful. Like, you know.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:32

Is that what people do for you? Fill up your water bottle?

SPEAKER_05 1:10:35

Yeah. Like the random little thing that's like, oh, that was nice.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:39

You know. Um do you um do you have a hard time opening up?

SPEAKER_05 1:10:50

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:51

Why is that?

SPEAKER_05 1:10:53

Um I don't know. I guess it's in case like if it's not somebody that's very outspoken about their feelings, I'm like worried about like what if they don't reciprocate how I feel? You know? Or what if I say it and then they know they don't feel that way? So I think that this kind of ties back to why like people that are just like have like word vomit and I just say everything. Because I'm like, okay, cool, we're on the same page then. Yeah, I do feel that way. Like I can I can reciprocate it if I know that I like to hear it first before I open up, I guess.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:26

Yeah. Are you always the second person who says I love you?

SPEAKER_04 1:11:31

No.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:35

Ironic. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:11:38

But the the time I did it, I was like, why did I do that? That was crazy.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:42

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Interesting.

Marriage Doubts And Financial Boundaries

SPEAKER_03 1:11:45

Um You said you don't believe in marriage.

SPEAKER_05 1:11:48

Um, I do believe in marriage. I just it was funny, the crazy ex, he had like this joke with his friends. He was like, they were like, when are you gonna guys gonna get married? And he was like, Well, I want to get married, but I don't think she's gonna do it because she's native and she's not gonna sign any papers. That was like that's gonna have a stereotype, but I'm like, that is what it is. I don't like to like sign things.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:10

It's yeah, commitment issues. Yeah. Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:13

I'm like, we could just get like get married and like have a little native ceremony where we just like know we're married, but like we don't need to get like really tied in like that, you know.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:25

Uh-huh. Okay. So but my question was, why don't you believe in marriage? And you said, I do believe in marriage. You clearly do not.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:33

I believe in like Native Americans type marriage where it's just like, you know, we're in this and we're spiritual.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:40

Yeah. Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:41

Or like we have a ceremony and everything where we have rings and whatnot, but like I just don't believe in getting like super financially tied to somebody.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:48

Why is that?

SPEAKER_05 1:12:50

I don't know. I just feel like people are. I'm like, let's just keep it separate. What's the big deal?

SPEAKER_03 1:12:56

You know? Well, there's something called a prenup. Yeah, that's a post-nup.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:00

Yeah, but that's a little that's also a lot of work, too.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:03

Yeah. Not really. Not if you know what to put on it.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:06

But a lot of times they don't hold up.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:08

They do hold up. Well, they they don't hold up in cases that are a lot of times.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:12

It's like you get a prenup and then it's oh, I was when I signed, and you know, what about this money? Oh, what about this thing that you bought? Or I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:23

Yeah, you just make it very specific, you know, and again, in a postnup. Postnup is a lot stronger than a prenup.

SPEAKER_04 1:13:30

Sounds like a lot of work.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:32

Yeah, you can I'm I'm on board with you. Like, if I could find the girl, and I'm like, yeah, let's just like live together. Like you found a girl, she's right there. But I'm like, then it's like, okay, why do we need to sign a paper and give the government like half our money? Exactly.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:50

On the same page. Look at that.

SPEAKER_05 1:13:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:13:52

Yeah. It is like it's more like a business thing, like when you sign the papers. It becomes like a business thing.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:57

I mean, there's a lot of legality.

SPEAKER_05 1:13:59

And I know there are benefits, like taxes.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:02

I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:03

My brother just got married. He's like, dude, that's the biggest scam. He's like, I paid more in taxes when I was married. Really? Just based on some like he could like used to be able to write off stuff and now he can't write it off.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:12

And he's like just sounds like he has a shitty uh CPA. Maybe probably put him in touch with Andy.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:19

But it's like, is it worth saving like, oh, I saved like $300 on my taxes this year?

SPEAKER_03 1:14:24

Oh, it's a lot more than that. I don't think it's not. I mean, depends on income.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:30

I save a thousand bucks for the risk of like losing half your money.

unknown 1:14:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:35

No, the percentages are I don't know what you're talking about. The it's not a thousand bucks.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:39

First of all, uh so you could have so like a joint the Virgo, the Virgo research this on the spreadsheet.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:49

Anywhere from like 10 to 25% difference. So it's it's pretty significant.

SPEAKER_05 1:14:54

You're like, I know this, I'm married.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:58

No, it's it's it's it's really beneficial, but but I mean, aside from that, I guess it doesn't really make much of a difference if you if you don't want it on it. It just it seems like you're afraid of the commitment aspect of it more so than anything else.

SPEAKER_04 1:15:12

Yeah, I'm afraid.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:14

You know what scares me about marriage? If you ask old people, like, what's the key to marriage, what's marriage like, and they're obviously they have the most experience, so you'd want to know their opinion. They always say they never say, marriage is so amazing, it's so much fun. It was like great. They're always like, marriage is sacrifice, marriage is hard work, and choosing your partner above yourself every single day. And they say it like in a romantic way, yeah, but I'm also like, man, that sounds like it sucks. Like the You know what I mean? Like it kind of sounds like it sucks.

SPEAKER_05 1:15:45

No offense. You're doing great. We love this. Yeah, everybody except you, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:49

But but it's it's I think that statement is towards any long-term any long-term relationship, especially if they're monogamous. Yeah. So I think the the the the issue that you run into is that when the relationship gets past the um portions of you kind of sacrificing yourself for the other person, which is like in the beginning, people try to um compromise a lot more than otherwise they would 10 years down the line. What ends up happening is people who are like you who are a little bit more quiet and don't share as much and have communication issues, as you said.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:33

I didn't say that. They'd say that about me.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:35

Sure, sure, sure. Um you tend to hold things in a lot.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:40

And so you build up a lot of resentment. He's very much like that too, right? Like he doesn't like confrontation.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:45

Me neither. That's my least.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:47

So let's say you two are dating. Now all of a sudden something comes up, right? You're not confronting him, and he's not confronting you.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:53

No, but I'll I'll confront people. Yeah, I don't build resentment. I don't build resentment. Okay. We and Christine actually have really good communication. You'd be surprised. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:03

Well, we'll see. Yeah. But which is great. I think I think it comes down to compatibility, right? And so sometimes if you're dating somebody who you're not fully compatible with, the chances of friction is a lot more. And so there's when there's more friction, naturally there's going to be more the need of communication.

SPEAKER_04 1:17:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:25

And so if you're not communicating, you're building up resentment. And resentment might not be that serious in the beginning, but it's very subconscious. So the the more you go on in the relationship, 10 years, 15 years, all of a sudden you're saying something to someone, not even knowing where it's coming from, because you've suppressed it for so many years, you you forget. Yeah. You know, and and memories most of the time, with most people, unless you're very a type of person who just has elephant memory, you know, I'm not like that. Right. I I'm a type of person that would like have an issue. If I have an issue with someone, regardless of whether I address it or not, I forget. I forget what happened with this person. Yeah. But in the back of my mind, I know there was a problem with them.

SPEAKER_05 1:18:06

There's like a feeling, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:18:08

I'm like, if somebody would say, hey, why don't you like this person? I'm like, I don't like, I don't like them. I know I don't like them, and I know I have a good reason not to like them. I just don't remember why I don't like them. You know? I don't remember because I don't hold on to negative memories.

SPEAKER_06 1:18:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:18:22

And I just forget.

SPEAKER_06 1:18:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:18:24

You know, and and so one of the things that I've had to learn about myself is if I have a problem with someone, I gotta write it down.

SPEAKER_05 1:18:29

Yeah. And I'm like, hey, like everyone did wish me happy birthday. 11 15, 1025, wish me happy birthday. He's like, Jessica waited until 7 p.m. putting that on.

SPEAKER_03 1:18:46

Like the fact that the audacity not to wish me happy birthday at midnight is like wild.

SPEAKER_05 1:18:51

Like alarm should have been set, and everyone should have been had to text me.

SPEAKER_03 1:18:55

You believe that I've texted you happy birthday every single midnight for the past 10 years and not once you've done the same for me. It's crazy.

Wrap Up And Final Laughs

SPEAKER_03 1:19:07

Well, thank you so much for coming on the show. Appreciate it. Thanks very much. Even though you have been um very afraid of so many things in life, I hope then um everything turns out um the best for you.

SPEAKER_05 1:19:21

Thank you. You too. Yeah, thank you.

SPEAKER_03 1:19:23

And just in case, if um you do have some you know, native rights, we should probably talk. So then I could use you on some contracts that I want to sign. So you get some credits.

SPEAKER_05 1:19:33

You would get I feel like you would get to the bottom of it. Like for me, like, yeah, figure it out. Let me know.

SPEAKER_03 1:19:39

Thanks so much for watching. We'll see you later.