Where Do You Draw The Line Between Art And Desire Ft. Shelby - Ep.190

Special thanks to Shelby for being a part of this episode of Unattainable Podcast Show 

We sit down with Shelby Hunstead to unpack the red flags she ignored in a five-year relationship and the standards she refuses to negotiate now. Along the way, we debate monogamy, social media temptation, and how acting and networking complicate the lines between harmless and disrespectful. 
• meeting Shelby and why this season of life feels like her best 
• leaving a long relationship when compatibility and ambition stop matching 
• saved Instagram photos, phone checking, and what “respect” looks like in practice 
• fear of a lustful partner and how social media changes monogamy 
• acting intimacy scenes, jealousy, and the stories people tell themselves to justify behavior 
• dating a country singer with a big ego and the DM receipts that ended it fast 
• moving from Nashville to Los Angeles after getting replaced and using it as fuel 
• getting discovered by a legitimate manager at a coffee shop and what happens next 
• “lover girl” patterns, learning self-worth, and cutting things off sooner 
• a high school cheating trap story and what Shelby counts as cheating vs flirting 
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Transcript

Cold Open And Betrayal Tease

SPEAKER_01 0:00

I'm Shelby Hunstead. I am originally from Kentucky. I am an actress and I found him like saving like pictures of girls on Instagram, like half-maked.

SPEAKER_05 0:13

Were you going through his phone like without him knowing?

SPEAKER_01 0:18

Oh yeah. I think I realized how more like motivated I was. I don't care about money really. Acting is an art where you're like telling a story and making people feel things. It's a respect thing too. You just don't act on it. Like outside of work, you just you know, sure. You wouldn't do that. They're not the best guys. They just they don't have good reputations. I was outside shooting and she comes running out of the van and she's like, he unsent the voice message. He unsent the voice like he was trying to like cover his jacks. 15 minutes after I leave his house, my best friend texts me. She's like, Shell.

Meet Shelby And Her Best Year

SPEAKER_05 1:02

Welcome, Ton It's Anyable. Glad to have you with us and hope you continue to be a part of our family for the foreseeable future. And if so, please hit that subscribe button. I'm Mohammed Moleh here with our newest guest, Shelby. Welcome.

SPEAKER_00 1:12

Hi, thanks for having me. Good.

SPEAKER_05 1:15

Um, please introduce yourself, where you're from, what you do, how old you are, and your relationship status.

SPEAKER_01 1:22

Okay, that's a lot of things. Um, I'm Shelby Hunstead. I am originally from Kentucky. I am an actress and model, and what was the other thing?

SPEAKER_05 1:34

Your relationship status.

SPEAKER_01 1:35

Oh, I'm in a relationship currently.

SPEAKER_05 1:37

Did you say how old you are?

SPEAKER_01 1:39

Oh, 20 25. I almost said 26 because you were saying I was 26 earlier. I'm almost 26.

SPEAKER_05 1:44

I I I think like when people like the year, I mean, I know it's not quite like there yet. Yeah. The year that you're turning that age is essentially you're that age.

SPEAKER_01 1:54

Okay, well, I don't like that. Let's just not say that. I'll be 25 forever.

SPEAKER_05 2:01

You'll be 25 forever. I mean, if you had to choose, then you'd just be 21 forever, no?

SPEAKER_01 2:07

Or 25 is where you want to be. Or maybe 23. I feel like 23 is probably like the best.

SPEAKER_05 2:12

Was your 23rd your best?

SPEAKER_01 2:15

Honestly, no, but I just I I like that. I like that age. I feel like if I could go back, I would be thriving.

SPEAKER_05 2:22

What okay. What was your best?

SPEAKER_01 2:24

Honestly, right where I'm at right now is probably my best.

SPEAKER_05 2:28

Interesting.

SPEAKER_01 2:29

But if I could be like how I am now, just a few years ago, it's like prime. It'd be perfect.

SPEAKER_05 2:34

Okay. What makes today your best year?

SPEAKER_01 2:40

I feel like I know myself so much better than I did before and the situation I'm in currently with like my relationship and everything is so much better than what it was.

SPEAKER_03 2:53

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 2:54

And career-wise, I feel like career-wise, I'm like in a place that where I'm really happy.

SPEAKER_05 3:00

Yeah. If you could go back to the 21-year-old Shelby.

SPEAKER_00 3:08

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_05 3:09

As as it pertains to your relationship.

SPEAKER_00 3:12

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 3:13

And the person you were with at the time. What would you tell her?

SPEAKER_01 3:18

Um Girl run. No, I'm kidding. It wasn't that bad. It wasn't that bad. I'm not trying to like bash anyone. Um Honestly, like the the saying that's like the longer you stay on the the wrong train, the more expensive it is to get back home. I love that saying because it's it's I relate to that so much because I feel like there's so many people that stay in relationships because they're like comfortable and they've been with that person for so long. And um, you know, it's it's true. Like, I don't even know what I'm saying right now. I'm rambling.

SPEAKER_05 3:54

You you were talking about you're talking about being on the wrong tray for too long. Um and so it it's it essentially is about your relationship at some point, I'm assuming that you were too long in particular.

SPEAKER_01 4:08

Uh yeah, it's like the moment you realize it's not right, you should leave. I think is what I was trying to say.

SPEAKER_05 4:16

How long? So when this particular relationship, how long were you guys in a relationship for?

SPEAKER_01 4:21

Like about five years. Okay. About five years.

SPEAKER_05 4:23

At what point did you realize first of all, before you answer that question, what age was it from to what age?

SPEAKER_01 4:30

Oh gosh. I I think I was like 19 or 20 to 20.

SPEAKER_05 4:41

Well, that that math doesn't add up.

SPEAKER_01 4:43

Wait. No, 19? If I was 19.

SPEAKER_05 4:47

Well you would have been 24 at that point for five years.

SPEAKER_01 4:50

I think, yeah, I was like 24-ish. Okay. Four-ish. Or maybe right before, I don't know.

SPEAKER_05 4:56

How long have you been in your current relationship?

SPEAKER_01 4:58

Uh like almost a year and a half.

SPEAKER_05 5:02

Did you did you go from one relationship to the other without any gaps?

SPEAKER_01 5:05

Pretty no, there was gap. There was like a month or two gap.

SPEAKER_05 5:08

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 5:09

But pretty, pretty much.

SPEAKER_04 5:12

Okay, got it. Pretty quickly.

SPEAKER_01 5:14

Which is probably a red bag. That's probably not a good thing. We'll unpack that in a little bit. Oh god.

SPEAKER_05 5:19

But okay, so your first relationship, you were I mean, you must have been 18 at that point then. Okay, yeah, I was

Five Years Together And The Cracks

SPEAKER_05 5:25

a freshman.

SPEAKER_01 5:25

I was a freshman in college. So I yeah, I was I was probably like 18.

SPEAKER_05 5:28

Got it. 18. And then how old was he?

SPEAKER_01 5:32

20? 20? Oh my god, I don't know. A couple years older. He was a couple years older, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 5:37

Got it. You guys met in college? Yes. Got it.

SPEAKER_01 5:39

Met at a basketball game.

SPEAKER_05 5:41

Tell me the story. How did it come about? How did you guys meet? What happened? What did you do?

SPEAKER_01 5:45

Oh gosh. This is like going back so far in my brain.

SPEAKER_05 5:49

Uh huh.

SPEAKER_01 5:49

Um, I was at a basketball game with my friends. I had recently been like cheated on um by like my high school boyfriend. We me and my high school boyfriend were together for like three and a half years. We so I I have a track record of just being in in long relationships and then and then like kind of jumping, which is like probably not the best best thing, but um so that was like fresh, and my friend convinced me to go to this. I went to Western Kentucky University, so she convinced me to go to a basketball game with her, and I went and he was sitting like a few rows back, and he came down and was like, Is this seat taken? And I generally thought he needed a seat, so I was like, Yeah, go for it, but that was just his excuse to like come hit on me, basically.

SPEAKER_04 6:36

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_01 6:36

Um, and then yeah, he like introduced himself to my friends, and I thought that was that was really attractive because he was very like outgoing personality. And yeah, the rest is his story.

SPEAKER_05 6:48

Well, not particularly. Because then he had to hit on you at some point.

SPEAKER_01 6:51

Well, yeah. And then he like invited me to he was in a frat, so he like invited me to their party. I had never really been to a party before. Uh-huh. Because I I was so innocent. I like never drank or smoked in high school ever. Like, I was very innocent. And so, um, yeah, he invited me to a frat party, and I was like, oh my gosh, like a frat party. What's happening? I thought it was so cool. And um, so then me and my friends from the basketball game, we ended up going to their frat party. And I remember I remember being upset because he was there and he like didn't come say hi to me, but he's the one that like invited me. So I was a little like thrown off, and then all these girls were like like saying his name and like running up, and I was like, okay, this guy is like a hoe, like I'm not about this. So I remember just being like upset and like who is this guy, you know, whatever.

SPEAKER_05 7:46

But then yeah, we ended up dating for like five years, so what what changed your mind to go from I don't like this person to all of a sudden deciding to date him?

SPEAKER_01 8:01

Honestly, I don't remember. Oh, it was so long ago. I I genuinely don't remember. Um, but he's he's a very funny guy. Like he he was like that was like the main thing I remember is like he was very funny.

SPEAKER_05 8:14

So at what point so okay, so fast forward you're dating a few years. Uh-huh. And at what point do you realize that you're no longer supposed to be in this relationship and why?

SPEAKER_01 8:24

Oh honestly, there were a lot of like red flags that we were not compatible for a while. But I would say, like, we after college we moved to Nashville together, we moved in together, and probably we had like a couple good months from like when we first moved in, and then that's when like the cracks started showing, and it was probably like a good year and a half where I think we both kind of knew like this isn't working. We were kind of like roommates essentially.

SPEAKER_05 9:01

And uh what were the red flags?

Phone Snooping Instagram Saves Respect

SPEAKER_01 9:05

Uh I hate like airing this out. He's like not a bad person. Um I remember early on, like I found him like saving like pictures of girls on Instagram, like half naked photos of girls on Instagram, and I remember that was like the majority of like what our fights were about. Um and I remember him saying one time, I just thought she looked like you. That was like his excuse for saving those photos, and I was like baffled, like what it looks like when she's like big fake tits. Like, I was like, this doesn't look like me, like she's blonde, but like I don't know, it was just a lot of that, and I I should have like known my worth better at that time. I was so young too, like and I was just like thinking, is is the grass really greener on the other side kind of thing, you know? Like I I really thought I was like in love with this person, so like I didn't want to just leave over something that felt dumb at the time. Cause I guess like whenever it would happen and I would see that, he would like be really upset at me and like call me crazy, you know. The typical things that yeah, the typical things that you know if you go through a guy's phone, he's gonna be like, Well the fuck, like you're crazy, all this stuff. Like it was a lot of that.

SPEAKER_05 10:39

Were you going through his phone like without him knowing?

SPEAKER_04 10:43

Oh yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 10:50

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 10:50

How was okay, so you're you're just I mean, I was young, I was like, what's he doing? You know, you're cute, you're nosy. I feel like all girls are nosy.

SPEAKER_05 11:01

Debatable. Um, okay, so so you would when were you at what point would you like go through his phone? Like, is it like he was sleeping?

SPEAKER_01 11:11

And then I think he's like in the shower or something. Okay. I don't know. Got it, got it.

SPEAKER_05 11:15

You had us passing.

SPEAKER_01 11:16

I can't give away my secrets. Okay.

SPEAKER_05 11:23

They're not really secrets. You know, everybody kind of knows basically.

SPEAKER_01 11:27

Every girl does this. Okay, it's fine. Uh-huh. It's fine.

SPEAKER_05 11:32

It's toxic as fuck.

SPEAKER_01 11:35

Okay, but if you're saving half-naked pictures of girls and you're in a relationship, I think that's toxic.

SPEAKER_05 11:42

Just because two people are toxic at the same time doesn't make somebody else not toxic for the thing that they're doing.

SPEAKER_01 11:48

No, a hundred percent.

SPEAKER_05 11:49

So, but but I think But I would always bring it up.

SPEAKER_01 11:53

Like, I I never like really hid it.

SPEAKER_05 11:56

But you were going through his phone for a reason.

SPEAKER_01 11:58

Right. There was obviously like a gut feeling.

SPEAKER_05 12:01

Is that what that was?

SPEAKER_01 12:02

100%.

SPEAKER_05 12:03

Okay. So you just you just thought there was something going on, and then you would go through his phone and you would see screenshots of of girls. Yeah. Uh-huh. Okay. And then he would say, All these girls look like you.

SPEAKER_01 12:18

Not all of them. There was one that he saved, like, I think multiple of, and I was like, what the fuck? And he was like, I thought she looked like you. Dude.

SPEAKER_05 12:27

Oh, okay. Yeah. And so, and so this would happen multiple times.

SPEAKER_01 12:31

Yeah, it happened multiple times.

SPEAKER_05 12:33

Okay. And and so this this was essentially when you were when you were ending the relationship, what did he say?

SPEAKER_01 12:41

Um, that's not actually the reason why our relationship ended, though. It wasn't it was that was like at the beginning when like the red flags. Those were the red flags that I was like, maybe I should this is not good. Um towards the end, it was more so we were like roommates, like I was very career focused, um, and just like I think I realized how more like motivated I was. Like w we weren't aligned with like career things at all. I I remember telling him when I wanted to start acting, um, he was not very happy. He was like, you've never wanted to do that kind of thing.

SPEAKER_03 13:30

Like was that true?

SPEAKER_01 13:32

No, it's uh I mean I never was into I went to school for dental hygiene. So I I wasn't like in acting stuff, but it was always something like as a kid I was super interested in. I always always made movies with like my sisters and and um I I feel like I'm a pretty creative person. Um and I've always that's always been something that I've been interested in, but I was also a very shy kid. So it just like I feel like I didn't get the balls to do anything until like way later in life, um, which is fine, but yeah, when I when I told him that I wanted to to pursue acting, he just was not very supportive. And yeah.

SPEAKER_05 14:14

So at that point you had moved to Nashville, yeah, yeah. We were living in Nashville. What was he doing?

SPEAKER_01 14:19

He was doing sales, like working from home. Okay, doing sales calling people all day. But the I think the thing that was for me the most like the biggest deal breaker, I think, is I realized he didn't have like goals

Monogamy Fear And Social Media Temptation

SPEAKER_01 14:35

other outside of the street. He wasn't he was he was content. Yeah, there was no really ambition. Like he was content working from home, which is fine, like he was making good money, he was good at his job. Um but I I remember I would ask him, like, what are your dreams? What are you gonna do? He like didn't have any. And I think that is something that I realized like I I need my partner to have, I need my partner to be very ambitious, and it for him it was working his sales job from home, calling leads all day and playing golf. That was that was it for him, and that just didn't align with me.

SPEAKER_05 15:15

Okay, so when you guys were dating and you were you were finding these um girl, Instagram girl of the girls, right? Yeah what did you consider that a when you say that was a red flag, right? Why why was that a red flag for you?

SPEAKER_01 15:45

To be honest, I think this is gonna sound either really silly or you'll understand, but I think my biggest fear is being with like a very lustful man. Like a lustful man. Yes. Okay, like that really terrifies me. Like creepy, like old men. Like that's my biggest fear is being like 80 and being married to like a creepy old guy that like at my age now, like I I notice it because I'm like still young and stuff. Like I'll be walking and an old guy with his wife are sitting there, and he like does a full like head turn to like check me out, and then I like feel so bad for his wife that's sitting right there, and that's that's like one of my biggest fears right now. I mean, who knows? When I'm 80, I might not give a fuck, you know. Like, I'll probably be like checking them out with him, but like I think right now that really scares me. I I just don't want to be with a man like that.

SPEAKER_05 16:43

Okay. Um, why why is that a problem?

SPEAKER_01 16:49

Because I feel like when you're with someone, you should only have eyes for them.

SPEAKER_05 16:54

Is is that uh is that is it biologically realistic?

SPEAKER_01 16:58

I mean, obviously other people will be attractive, like you're you're gonna find other people attractive, but you don't have to act on it.

SPEAKER_05 17:05

You don't have to like save pictures of them and I understand, but you said but you said very interesting, which is like the guy turned around and changed.

SPEAKER_01 17:14

I mean it happens all the time, sure it happens to like a lot of girls, a lot of young girls. They they probably don't know that yeah, right.

SPEAKER_05 17:20

It happens to people who are who are physically attractive, objectively. Yeah, yeah. Right, yeah. So like if I mean for lack of a better word, if if an ugly girl was walking by, right? Okay, I I mean chances are I wouldn't be looking twice.

SPEAKER_00 17:35

Right.

SPEAKER_05 17:35

Versus if a if an attractive girl is walking by, you're looking twice.

SPEAKER_00 17:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 17:39

It's sure now can you know can a guy not recognize can a guy physically stop themselves from from turning around to look at this person? Of course.

SPEAKER_01 17:51

Yeah, I feel like I could. If I saw an attractive guy, I'm not gonna like you know, it's weird. I don't know. Like, I feel like girls aren't wired that way.

SPEAKER_05 18:01

Of course, yeah, girls are not, but men are.

SPEAKER_01 18:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 18:04

Because we're well most men. Yeah. I mean, most men, generally speaking, most men are visual creatures. It's just it's just the way it is. Like we care about the the beauty of the woman that we're attracted to versus for women is a lot less. Like for you, do you care what like what what quality of a man do you care about? Do you care about their looks more so than the personality? Or do you care more so about their personality than the looks? Do you care about their money?

SPEAKER_01 18:36

It's pretty even, not money. I don't I don't care about money really. It's I feel like it's pretty even personality and and looks-wise for me. Like there's not really one that's above the like, I don't know, if you can make me laugh, that's definitely a plus. Okay, but that's like a personality, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like it there, it goes hand in hand because like if you have a great personality but you're also attractive, it makes you more attractive. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_03 19:02

Sure.

SPEAKER_01 19:03

So I feel like it goes hand in hand. If you're really attractive and you have a bad personality, it makes you less attractive. So it goes, I feel like it goes both. Like Okay.

SPEAKER_05 19:16

So do you think that I'm I'm assuming you don't believe in um I'm assuming you believe in monogamy.

SPEAKER_01 19:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 19:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:28

Okay. Um But no judgment to people at all I don't care what other people do. I just know what I I want for myself. I understand.

SPEAKER_05 19:39

Yeah. Um do you think that's realistic in today's society?

SPEAKER_01 19:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 19:46

You do.

SPEAKER_01 19:47

It's harder.

SPEAKER_05 19:48

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 19:49

Why is it harder? Because social media, you just you are just seeing it all the time. Just like all these attractive people all the time. It's just like every day. You wake up, open Instagram, there's an attractive person, there's an attractive person. Like, it's definitely harder, but I know I know it's possible. Okay.

SPEAKER_05 20:12

I'm gonna circle, I'm gonna circle back to this.

SPEAKER_01 20:14

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 20:14

Um, but I want to walk you somewhere. Okay. So then when I circle you back to this, um, you kind of see my point. Okay. So so remember this this um this moment which you just said this thing about monogamy. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 20:31

Okay.

Acting Intimacy Scenes And Boundaries

SPEAKER_05 20:33

When you decided to become an actress, why do you think your now ex-boyfriend um was not happy about it?

SPEAKER_01 20:46

His main concern was me like kissing other people. Like when I would go to acting class, I would come back to the apartment and like the first question I would get from him is like, do you have a kissing scene today? And every time it was no. Like, no, never, never once in this class have I had a kissing scene, you know, like yeah.

SPEAKER_05 21:07

Why do you think it was concerned about a kissing scene?

SPEAKER_01 21:12

I don't know, like some I don't know.

SPEAKER_05 21:14

Do you think you would have like have a kissing scene?

SPEAKER_01 21:17

Oh yeah, for sure. I mean that all all actors do.

SPEAKER_05 21:21

Okay. And are you okay with it?

SPEAKER_01 21:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 21:25

Why?

SPEAKER_01 21:26

Because you're telling a story. You know, it's not real. It's not like you're not being you, if that makes sense. Like if I'm playing a character, I'm not me.

SPEAKER_05 21:39

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 21:40

You know?

SPEAKER_05 21:40

Like it But you're physically you.

SPEAKER_01 21:42

Okay, yes, but like mindset wise, I'm I'm not.

SPEAKER_05 21:47

Um how many actors do you know of that had partners and then ended up breaking up with their partners and dating? They're co-stars.

SPEAKER_01 22:01

Personally, I don't I don't know. No, no, not personally. But like famous people?

SPEAKER_05 22:05

Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_01 22:06

I mean Do you know any? There's probably a handful.

SPEAKER_05 22:09

Right.

SPEAKER_01 22:10

I I don't know. I don't know off the top of my head.

SPEAKER_05 22:12

Why do you think that happens?

SPEAKER_01 22:15

I don't know. I I don't know. They hit it off on set, something like that. Sure.

SPEAKER_05 22:20

Yeah, I mean it happens. Yeah. Okay. And how does that chemist chemistry how is that created?

SPEAKER_01 22:30

I don't know. Maybe they their personalities just align. There.

SPEAKER_05 22:33

They're like, you connect with somebody in an environment where you have to act a certain way. And through the acting of being somebody else, that you're not yourself, you end up um connecting with someone who is also doing the same thing.

SPEAKER_03 22:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 22:52

Yeah. And for the sake of this conversation, if you if that person wasn't an actor, would they would they be in that position in order for that situation to take place? You know, the answer to that question is no. No. Because if they weren't an actor.

SPEAKER_01 23:09

Then they're just doing it. They're just yeah.

SPEAKER_05 23:12

Okay. But but also you just wouldn't be in the right place at the right time, so to speak. Which is like you just would never meet this person if you weren't an actor.

SPEAKER_00 23:24

Yeah, that's true.

SPEAKER_05 23:25

Right? So and and the other interesting aspect of it is that actors are much more um likely to meet someone who they would feel a certain level of chemistry with, because the number of them doing a scene with someone is much higher than just a normal person, right? If I'm going to um the let's say let's say this is my job, yeah, just like talking on the podcast.

SPEAKER_02 23:56

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_05 23:57

And I'm not doing any kissing scenes. Like you and I are not kissing.

SPEAKER_02 24:00

Right.

SPEAKER_05 24:01

And so there's no acting, we're just having a conversation. And so it's very unlikely for me to experience any level of physical chemistry with you. Because it's just nothing is happening. Right. Right. But that number goes much higher when you're in an environment where you're constantly doing that thing. Yeah. Which would result in you having a physical chemistry with someone.

SPEAKER_00 24:25

Yeah. So I agree there.

SPEAKER_05 24:28

The interesting thing is, and I've had this conversation with people who are actors or interesting actors. Yeah. And they all say the same thing, which is they feed themselves with this um lie. Basically, which is they tell themselves that, oh, I'm just acting. This is not me. It doesn't mean anything to me.

SPEAKER_00 24:55

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 24:56

But in reality, you cannot turn off your emotions when somebody, for example, slaps you in the face.

SPEAKER_00 25:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 25:05

If you're acting, you're you're pretending to be something.

SPEAKER_04 25:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 25:10

And that's your external being. However, your internal being, it's still you. Which is when you get slapped, you still feel the pain of the slap. Assuming you get slapped, you know, real slap you in the face. Right. So, which is which is, but if you're for for the you know, sake of this conversation, if you're fakely getting slapped, yeah, you don't feel that physical pain.

SPEAKER_04 25:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 25:38

So at that point, you're just acting. Right. However, with kissing scene and sex scenes, for the most part, they're not really like that. I mean, obviously, with the penetration part of it is, but yeah, you know, outside of that, you're still feeling skin to skin sort of experience. You're still feeling those things that you have to be aroused by or act like you're aroused in a situation that you otherwise wouldn't be. And so it's just much more likely for you to feel something than otherwise you would if you weren't in those situations.

SPEAKER_00 26:09

That's true. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 26:11

So the interesting thing about it is that I I had this exact conversation with my wife.

SPEAKER_03 26:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 26:17

And I said, and like when we sat down and we were talking about this, and I said, Would you would you like it if I was an actor?

SPEAKER_01 26:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 26:25

And immediately she would say, No.

SPEAKER_01 26:28

Is she an actor?

SPEAKER_05 26:29

She's an actress, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:30

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 26:31

And so her her response to me was like, no, I don't want you to be an actor. Why not? Well, I don't want you to be like doing these things with other people. But you just said that you're acting.

SPEAKER_01 26:48

Yeah. Like I for me, it's not it's not real. Like every every like something is though. Yeah, because you put yourself in a mindset where like I don't know, when I'm when I'm on set and I'm like a character, I show up as that character. I don't I don't know. Like when I leave, when I leave, I'm back to like normal.

SPEAKER_05 27:22

Let's say for the sake of this conversation that you were right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:24

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 27:25

And you're kissing someone and you're telling yourself that I'm kissing my boyfriend.

SPEAKER_00 27:29

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 27:30

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 27:30

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 27:31

While you're kissing this person.

SPEAKER_00 27:32

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 27:33

How is that any different from your ex-boyfriend screenshotting pictures of other girls and telling himself that those girls are you?

SPEAKER_01 27:43

No, because he's he's doing it lustfully. I it's a work for me, but it's not sure. Okay, I don't like this because you're pissing me off. Because I get your point, but I think it's so different. It's so different. Like he's not getting paid to look at have naked pictures of girls.

SPEAKER_05 28:08

Like if it was running an OnlyFans uh agency, I wouldn't be with them. That's interesting.

SPEAKER_01 28:15

Like it's different. I'm acting as an art where you're like telling a story and making people feel things. It's totally different than doing something like I don't know, whacking off in the bathroom to other girls. Like that's so different.

SPEAKER_05 28:34

Like look, it's it's it's interesting because this is all about lines that we draw for ourselves. Right. Okay. I um I I don't disagree with you that there's a difference between acting, for example, in a perspective of um somebody who's doing um doing it in an art form versus, for example, porn. Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 28:59

100%.

SPEAKER_05 29:00

There's a difference.

SPEAKER_01 29:01

There is a difference.

SPEAKER_05 29:02

However, everybody at some point told themselves told themselves a story in order to justify the very thing that they're doing to be an okay thing that they're doing.

SPEAKER_01 29:15

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 29:16

And the reason why your ex-boyfriend, for example, wasn't okay with you having a kissing scene with another person, right? Is because his line was drawn much further from the line that you drew for yourself when it came to the understanding of what that means to you. To him, you kissing another man is a physical act.

SPEAKER_01 29:42

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 29:43

It just doesn't make a difference. Okay. Whether or not you feel like it's you doing it or this character doing it. Because you're still doing it physically.

SPEAKER_04 29:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 29:54

And that doesn't change those facts. Just because you decided that this is this character named Ashley is, you know, in love with this guy, Bob, and will never see him again after this moment, yeah, you still touched his lips with your lips.

SPEAKER_00 30:10

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 30:11

And you still acted like you like it.

SPEAKER_03 30:13

Okay. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 30:15

Right. And so it it and and and the interesting part of it is that if your boyfriend sat in the audience and watched this moment, uh-huh. Right. Of you enjoying kissing somebody else on camera.

SPEAKER_01 30:34

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 30:35

Should he be proud of you or should he be disgusted?

SPEAKER_01 30:39

I think proud. Honestly. Like I it's I feel like it's just different. I I I don't know. It's your job, it's you doing something that you're um passionate about, and what that doesn't necessarily mean you're like I have to kiss someone else. It's just like if it happens to make sense for a story that I that I'm in, then it makes sense. And it is what it is. But I like my boyfriend now, like he completely understands. His mom is a really big actress in Italy. So he grew up with like his mom being in like this really popular like sitcom show. And so he gets it. Like his dad is also a playwright, like writes all these shows, and and I feel like he comes from a very creative family that they just they just understand that it's art and nothing more. You know? And that's what I really respect about him. And yeah.

SPEAKER_05 31:52

If you kiss someone in an acting scene and you have chemistry with this person and you feel something, okay. Would you tell your boyfriend?

SPEAKER_01 32:06

No, because I I don't think that would happen. I mean it's easier said than none, but I I genuinely Why don't you think that would happen? Genuinely don't think that would happen. I don't know. I feel like when you love someone so deeply, you really like that's not even that doesn't even like cross your mind, you know? I get emotional because like it's true, like you know.

SPEAKER_03 32:34

Oh man.

SPEAKER_01 32:35

I mean sure, I'll have a I I'll I'm probably have kissing scenes many more in the future. But I I that doesn't that doesn't change how I feel about him at all.

SPEAKER_05 32:50

I think um I think you'll be very disappointed with the reality you currently live in in the future. I think I think and I think the reason for that is because you live in this world of being very um in a love story.

SPEAKER_01 33:18

Yeah, I am in a love story.

SPEAKER_05 33:20

Yeah. And and I think you think that um and I think you think that that's real.

SPEAKER_01 33:32

Yeah. Why wouldn't I?

SPEAKER_05 33:35

Because it's not.

SPEAKER_01 33:36

It it is.

SPEAKER_05 33:38

I know you think that. It is and and the reason why I'm telling you this is because the things that you're saying um are not biologically how we are wired.

unknown 33:56

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 33:56

And and it's and it's you're you're putting yourself in a position where like like that would be true if you never would experience those things. So for example, if if like your grandma and your grandpa were together for you know, 60 years, 70 years, whatever. Okay. Um and which in our case, you know, our grandparents and like their grandparents, for example, or like their parents. Yeah, uh, generally speaking, like there was the the divorce rate was like much lower, you know, people did have these like love stories or whatever, right? But majority of those things happen because um one, there was there there wasn't really that many options, right? And two, there wasn't that much exposure, yeah. Like social media, and exposure is the most important factor in the situation, yeah. And as an actress, you're putting yourself in a position where you have not only much more exposure, but you also have exposure with um intent, which which means that the the the the the circumstances that you're putting yourself in, you are also much more inclined to be feeling things that otherwise normal people wouldn't feel under different circumstances, which is like if you if you're we're just sitting across you know a table from each other, there is not really a um situation where you and I could be exposed to something that would make us feel something. It's just much more unlikely. Versus when you're in an acting scene where you're you're very intimately close with this person.

SPEAKER_03 35:37

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_05 35:37

Because you're you're doing things that are like not only aligned, but also um the very they're very um they're they're very close in a sense of emotional connection. Well because you're creating those emotional connections. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. Uh-huh. And and and and it's and it's it's interesting because like the the the realistic perspective when it comes to being an attractive actor, right, is that you naturally would get roles that are involving intimate scenes or love scenes or some sort of like dating. Like the reality of it is you're not gonna see a you know the chick flick, like a love story with some, you know, with two like unattractive people. It's just like it just doesn't so when when physically attractive people meet, they also recognize that they're both physically attractive. Okay, yeah, and you can't like you can't you can't say like I'm gonna look at this person and I I can't see that they're attractive just because I'm in love with somebody else.

SPEAKER_00 36:52

Right, right.

SPEAKER_05 36:53

You you recognize it, right? It's impossible not to. And so naturally you will also feel something if you are attracted to this person outside of the physical attraction.

SPEAKER_00 37:06

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 37:07

You know, whether it's like admiring their work or you think like they're extremely talented or whatever it is, yeah, right.

SPEAKER_00 37:13

For sure.

SPEAKER_05 37:14

Now you could theoretically tell yourself that okay, I'm so committed to the person that I'm with, you know, my husband, my boyfriend, my fiance, whatever it is at that point. Yeah, that I'm not gonna allow myself to cross a line.

SPEAKER_01 37:30

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_05 37:32

But you cannot tell yourself that I'm gonna turn off the emotions that would make me feel something. Because you you just as a human being, you can't turn off your emotions.

SPEAKER_01 37:45

You either have them or I mean if you're doing a scene with them, you you have to you can't just turn off your emotions, you have to be in the scene with them, you know.

SPEAKER_05 37:55

If anything, you have to heightenly actually turn around.

SPEAKER_01 37:58

Right, right, exactly.

SPEAKER_05 38:00

So, so you know, I it's I I wish you all the best. I think I think if you're if you're you know, if you really do have strong feelings towards um someone, then you could perhaps exercise certain level of um you it's a respect thing too.

SPEAKER_01 38:18

You just don't act on it. Like outside of work, you just you know, sure, you wouldn't do that.

SPEAKER_05 38:24

Yeah. I um when when you um were in Nashville, so so that was the only relationship that you had was with that person,

The Country Singer Ego And DMs

SPEAKER_05 38:38

yeah. Okay, and because you said you had mentioned something about um a country singer, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 38:44

We we went on a few dates after my relationship ended. Yeah, it was like in between me moving from Nashville to LA.

SPEAKER_05 38:55

Gotcha was that, ooh, was that how did how did you meet this person?

SPEAKER_01 39:01

Um I can't even say you can't say how you met them? No, I can't. Uh-huh. Because then people connect dots and I can't.

SPEAKER_05 39:13

But like as was like it was it like at a concert or was it like a just like No, it was just around Nashville. Like at a location. Yes. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So just you don't have to say it like that. It wasn't like a show or anything. Yeah. But like how did you meet uh what I mean is like what happened with like you meeting this person? You were somewhere and then this person came up to you.

SPEAKER_01 39:36

Yeah, yeah. And he was very charming. And um Yeah, I thought we hit it off. So we went on a date, and then we went on another date, and then uh we we obviously like talked all the time too, like every day. Um but yeah, country singers are just what's wrong with country singers? Uh when you live in Nashville, you just hear so many things and um like what?

SPEAKER_05 40:10

I don't know what we're hearing.

SPEAKER_01 40:11

They're just they're not the best guys, they just they don't have good reputations in Nashville specifically, just you know, like sleeping around, all of all of that. Um the one that I went on a few dates with, he just had the biggest ego. And that is such a red flag for me. Uh-huh. Um what what was like he just thought he was the next best thing since sliced bread. And it was I just like it was too much.

SPEAKER_05 40:47

Like, what was he saying?

SPEAKER_01 40:49

Oh my gosh. I remember the airports were like shut down or something happened at the the national airport. I knew he had a flight because he was going on like tour or something. Um and I remember like checking in and being like, I hope your flight is okay, like yada yada, and he responded back something like, Oh honey, I don't fly like I only fly private. Like, okay, like I don't know, that just it's such a way he's such a turn, yeah, such a turn off for me when guys just like brag and about like money and stuff, yeah, or just I don't know, and then he would always send me like good morning videos of himself, but like clearly checking himself out in the video it was very cringe, um but yeah and then like also like kind of controlling what I was wearing and like I remember I was on I was on set and I I sent him a picture of of my outfit, it was like a cute little dress, whatever. And I remember him being like cover up, sweetie. Like, sir. Like, I don't know, that just drives me crazy. And uh yeah, so that was that was my experience.

SPEAKER_05 42:20

So then you just ended it. Did you just go with some?

SPEAKER_01 42:24

No, well, actually what ended it, he had invited me to a show, and I remember the day of I had like a photo shoot that morning. I went to the photo shoot, and there was another model there, another blonde girl, and we were just chit-chatting, and I was telling her how like I was talking to this country singer, whatever, and she was like, Oh my gosh, who is it? So I I tell her, and she was like, Oh my god, I gotta show you something.

SPEAKER_05 42:56

Oh no.

SPEAKER_01 42:57

She is such a girl's girl for this, also, like she's she's awesome. Um, she pulls up her Instagram DMs, and literally, like a day or two before, they're talking in her DMs, like, and he had been DMing her for months, like, but she had a boyfriend, so she wasn't answering, and then her and her boyfriend had like just broken up, so she finally messaged him back. So they were messaging, and he sent her like a voice note, and it was really cringy, and um, and she played the voice note for me, and I was just like, Oh my god, like this is so embarrassing. And I remember I was like trying to figure out what to do. Um, and so I posted a story with her on my Instagram. I tagged her. And as soon as he saw it, he texted me, like, Good morning with a heart. And she was kind of helping me like come up with like what to say and and stuff, and I and I remember being like. Her name, like we'll call her Sarah for this case of the story. I remember being like, Sarah says hi. And then I got like a paragraph back. Like, I don't know what she told you, yada yada yada. And like, dude, I literally saw everything. Like, what do you mean what she told me? Like, it was so dumb. He was just like trying to lie his way out of it. And um, then I remember we were still working, we were shooting, so I was outside shooting, and she comes running out of the van, and she's like, He unsent the voice message, he unsent the voice message, like he was trying to like cover his tracks, and but he didn't know, like I had already heard it, she already showed me it, like it was he was kind of done for. So um, so yeah, and then that was pretty much the end of that.

SPEAKER_05 44:50

That was funny, that is hilarious.

SPEAKER_01 44:53

Fun little story, uh-huh.

SPEAKER_05 44:55

Okay, so then afterwards you moved to LA.

Career Fire And The Move To LA

SPEAKER_05 44:57

Yes, yes, and then the the hub of dating somehow worked out for you.

SPEAKER_01 45:03

I was so lucky. I got so lucky, and yeah, it worked out really well.

SPEAKER_05 45:09

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_01 45:10

We met actually, it was before I moved here. I was getting flown out. It was like a few months before I moved here. I was getting flown out from Nashville a lot to shoot out here, and I would always stay like extra days with my friends that lived here because I was like, might as well have a free flight out here, might as well just like stay a few more days, and like we would always like go do content out here because the content here is so much better for like photos and stuff. So it was just really fun time. And one of the weekends I was here. Uh, my friend brought me to a party, and I met him at a party. That was that shocking. Shocking.

SPEAKER_05 45:53

What party was it?

SPEAKER_01 45:54

Like a house party or was like it was like some TikTok girl's birthday party. I had no idea who she was. My friend was just like, let's go to this TikTok. I don't even remember her name, her birthday party, and so we just rolled up and yeah, he was there.

SPEAKER_05 46:08

Uh-huh. Do um so okay, so you guys met, you went on a date, and then that's been going well.

SPEAKER_01 46:18

Yeah. So uh we talked for a little bit before like we made it official because also I hadn't decided I was moving here. Like it was a it was a wild story of how I ended up deciding to move here. Um, but it was very like last minute.

SPEAKER_03 46:40

What was wild about it?

SPEAKER_01 46:42

So I'm I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. And um, like obviously I met him here, but I was still living in Nashville, so it just really what did wasn't making much sense. Um, like I don't think it would have gone further unless I I moved here, but I didn't move here for him, it just ended up working out that way because so actually, where do I even start this story? I was a dental hygienist in Nashville, I did that part-time, and then I was also modeling the rest of the time, and I got into acting, and when I started booking films, I quit my dental job completely. And the reason I was so comfortable like also quitting is because I was modeling for this boutique in Nashville. Um, I had been modeling for them since like I was a freshman in college, like on and off, because I was in school, obviously. Um, but I had been with them for a long time, and the manager at the time had told me that if I quit my dental job, like it wouldn't have been the worst thing because they would bring me on full-time. So I knew that was always there in the back of my mind that they were gonna bring me on full-time if I quit my dental job. So I quit. They brought me on full-time for like a month, and then I booked a feature film that I was really excited about. It was like a slasher, it still hasn't come out yet, but I'm excited for it to come out. And um, so I had to be gone for like three or four weeks to go shoot that in Indiana. And I remember like leaving, going to Indiana shooting, and they had already had this was like September, they already had the schedule through November, so I was gonna get back I think beginning of October, and then I was shooting like fully back with them. So I that was always like the cushion was there that I had like a stable job in Nashville, you know? And I remember my last day of shooting the feature in Indiana. They my manager texted like a bunch of models in a group chat, and she was like, Hey guys, the schedule's been updated through November. I go and look, all my shoot dates are gone, other than like I think two. And so I I don't remember if I called her or texted her separately, and I was just like, Hey, what what's going on? So what had happened was they had hired like a new creative director while I was gone shooting this feature film, and she came in and replaced some of the models, including me. And I was devastated at the time. I was like crying in the shower, you know, like this was like my job, you know, and and I feel like when you're replaced at a job, especially like modeling, I feel like it it hits a lot harder because it's like you beat yourself up, you're like, am I not pretty? And I'm like, modeling is based like how you look, you know? It's like you can't help but like beat yourself up. And the girls that they brought in, they're beautiful and they were super tall, and I'm not very tall. So then I was also like, I'm not tall enough, like you know, just beating myself up about it. Um, but then looking back, I'm like, thank god that happened.

SPEAKER_04 49:52

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_01 49:53

Thank God that happened because I wouldn't have ended up here. I it kind of lit a fire under me whenever that happened. Um, and I was like, I have nothing keeping me in Nashville anymore. And all the acting stuff and and what I want to do is in LA, and there's a guy I like in LA that was a plus, and and so I was like, I'm just gonna do it. And so within like a few months, I found an apartment and made it happen. I like saved up a bunch of money and just came out here.

SPEAKER_05 50:26

So how did you get signed?

Getting Spotted By A Legit Manager

SPEAKER_01 50:29

For modeling or acting or for for book. Well, I guess the acting is what you focused on, so yeah, yeah, that's a crazy story because it was like three months into me living here. I moved December 20, oh my god, 2024? December 2024, yeah, is when I moved to LA officially. And I it was March, and I so I'd been in LA for like three months, and I walked to the coffee shop that's right down the street from my house that me and my roommate walk to all the time, and we were just going to get like a matcha and coffee and then come back home. And I remember I I didn't have any makeup on, I had my hair in like a bun or like a ponytail something, something messy, and then like sweatpants. I was just going to get my matcha and like call it a day. And uh I remembered being there like waiting for my matcha, and this lady just kept staring at me, and I was like, I didn't think anything of it, I was like, whatever. Um and then I was about to leave and she comes up to me and she's like, Hey, I'm so sorry for staring at you. Are you an actor? And you know, you have to be weary sometimes when things like that happen. You're like, Are you are you legit? It helped that it was a woman that came up to me, honestly. If it was a man, I I would have been even more like, What are you doing, you know? Um, but she was like, I was like, Yeah, I'm an I'm an actor. Um, I just moved here for that. She was like, Are you repped? And I was like, no, I'm with like a modeling agency in Nashville, but other than that, no. And she like gave me her information and she was like, Um, send me your headshot, send me your reel if you have it, and then um I'll have you do some some tapes for us just to see what you can do, and then we'll go from there. And I immediately like my my roommate didn't even see this happen. She was talking to someone else, and like didn't even, and I like run up to her and I'm like, Cassie, guess what? Guess what? Like, this agent just came out to me. What's happening? I like we're walking home, I'm like googling to see if it's legit, and and it ended up being legit, and it's the best thing that's happened to me since I moved here. It's completely changed my life, and they're the best managers ever. They're amazing.

SPEAKER_05 52:38

So they're they're your manager or uh agents?

SPEAKER_01 52:40

They do both, they're they're like my managers, but they act as agents too, in a way. They they get me all my auditions and stuff. Nice, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 52:50

Nice. How do you feel about dating apps?

SPEAKER_01 52:55

I've never had one. Actually, I'm like, I'm so proud of that. Right. I've never had one. Um, but I mean, I don't I don't care if people want to do dating apps. I it's uh it's is what it is, you know. I I don't have anything against it. I just meeting people in person has just always worked out for me. So that's I'm fortunate enough to be able to say that because a lot of people that doesn't happen.

SPEAKER_05 53:24

Um but yeah, I just I've never done it and do you feel you've had enough time between your relationships?

SPEAKER_01 53:36

Yeah. To to like know like myself.

SPEAKER_05 53:42

It's interesting because like you said something to me with regards to, you know, when you um when you're in love with someone, right? You have like all these feelings, right? And it it sounds

Lover Girl Growth And Self Protection

SPEAKER_05 53:55

like the relationships you've gone through, you've kind of had this time in order to process out of the relationship while you were still in the relationship.

SPEAKER_01 54:06

Oh yeah, 100%. I feel like a lot of girls do that, they check out mentally before they like actually act on it. Right. I feel like that that's most girls. That's what we do.

SPEAKER_05 54:20

Uh-huh. And so and so wh when when you're officially single.

SPEAKER_01 54:25

Right.

SPEAKER_05 54:27

You sort of just is it that you're attracting because it's it's interesting to me. Like, you went from five-year relationship dating some guy. Did you date anybody else?

SPEAKER_01 54:41

What do you mean?

SPEAKER_05 54:41

Like was there any way so that was between the guy I'm with now? Yeah, yeah. So the the country singer you dated, and then was there anybody else you dated?

SPEAKER_01 54:50

I went on like I went on one other date I can think of with some guy in Nashville. Um but not much.

SPEAKER_05 55:01

Okay, so it's just a couple people here and there. Yeah, yeah. And then you met the guy that you're now with. And then um and so now you've been with him ever since. Yeah. It's just it seems like a lover girl.

SPEAKER_01 55:15

Yeah. I'm very much a lover girl.

SPEAKER_05 55:18

Yeah. Um you think that because I've noticed people who are who self-identify as lover girls, so to speak. Okay. Um, they tend to ignore red flags often.

SPEAKER_01 55:37

I feel like I did that in the past. Like I think my last relationship and then yeah, I I feel like I've I've really grown so much since since being in that. I I I grew a lot like being in it as well. But I think I think I know what what more so like what my worth, I guess. I I I feel like I know myself so much more. And that's why like with the country singer, when I immediately when I found out he was messaging another girl, I was like, bye. Didn't didn't talk to him after that. Right. Like I I was just like, I'm not putting up with that, you know? Um Yeah. I think I know much more better how like what I'm willing to put up with and what I what I deserve.

SPEAKER_05 56:34

Do people often um have misconceptions about who you are as a person because of the way you look and oh yeah, I get the dumb blonde thing all the time.

SPEAKER_01 56:45

Do you all the time people think I'm like and also I feel like I have a very bubbly personality, so I think that doesn't help with like do you think that you're naive?

SPEAKER_05 56:58

Um maybe a little bit, but like Because you don't come off as the type of person who sees the best in people, and and I don't mean that in a negative way. I mean like you seem very protective of yourself.

SPEAKER_03 57:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 57:15

Because you said something with regards to like the the woman coming up to you. Like the first thought was just like your your bells going off. Right, yeah. And if that was a guy, that would have been even more of a so you know that to me means that you're not like very trusting in the world.

SPEAKER_01 57:32

Yeah, I would I would say that's probably accurate.

SPEAKER_05 57:36

Which would also make me think about it.

SPEAKER_01 57:37

But I'm also not the like the I'm wait, I don't even know what I was gonna say there. About about like seeing the good I was gonna say.

SPEAKER_05 57:50

It's just like you don't see that do you do you feel like you see the good in people or do you see do you feel like you are very personal?

SPEAKER_01 57:56

I feel like I I see the good in people and uh for the most part until they do something to like I'm like wait a minute. You know, like but strangers, I feel like I'm more weary, you know, when strangers come up and start talking to me. Like once I get to know someone, I I'm very trusting, I feel like, until I see something and you and you do something

Wild Cheating Trap Story From High School

SPEAKER_01 58:20

and I'm like what Where is where is this defense mechanism come from? I don't know. I don't know, maybe like just my relationship experiences like like my high school boyfriend like cheating on me, and then my other ex like saving naked pictures of girls, like you know, like I I feel like maybe that I'm like in relationships, I'm more like once I see something I'm like do you have like a crazy side?

SPEAKER_05 59:00

Crazy side scream, yell, throw stuff.

SPEAKER_01 59:05

The craziest thing, the craziest thing I did was to my high school boyfriend when I when I found out that like so like the thing is he didn't he didn't cheat on me physically, he was like texting this girl. I like found messages. Okay, so it wasn't like a physical thing, but the the girl also it was sh it's a I don't even know the full situation was so long ago. But it was like this girl, she would always comment on our pictures, you guys are so cute, and then he's like texting her, they're like being flirty, whatever, and I'm like I I did do something crazy actually. Okay, it's funny now, maybe not funny to them, but um, it's funny to me. Um, I'm actually a genius for this. Okay, so he was texting her, and I found out like through the message that they had hung out, and I had no idea. That's all that's immediately like, what are you doing, you know? Um and so I was over at his house. He also lived like a couple hours from me in Kentucky, so I would drive like every weekend to come stay with him the whole weekend and him and his family. And um I found the message and then I had to leave to go back home. Um, I was still in high school. I had school the like the next day, so I had to go home. And um I made him promise that he w he wasn't gonna like text her anymore. And he Pinky promised me, girl. So I to make sure like I I wasn't gonna be bamboozled here, I went on his phone, I changed her phone number to my best friend's phone number, and I blocked her real number because if she her real number, if she texted in, she would be like, What's happening here? Like something's you know, something's off. So and I I filled my my best friend in on this and I was like, This is what's happening. If you get a text from him, you tell me. I 15 minutes after I leave his house, my best friend texts me. She's like, Shelb, dot dot dot. No, like 15 minutes, really? You can wait till I at least got home. Like, so I'm like on the interstate. She like calls me. She's she's also such a good friend for this because she was at work, she's a she was working as a lifeguard. You can't be on your phone as a lifeguard. She's like filling me in. I remember her telling me that like she got some dirty looks from parents because she was on her phone that day trying to like help me out, you know. Um, but yeah, she like text, she's like texting me, she's sending me screenshots of everything he's saying. I'm like, I'm telling her to like play along because I I want to know like how far this is gonna go, you know? And and I I made her say some like flirty things like like if only we could be together, something, something along those lines, you know? And he was like, Yeah, maybe one day with like a smiley face. Like, I got your ass, you know. That's probably like the craziest thing I did, but also genius. That's pretty genius, get you know, get it in it. So then I I'm like a mess too. Like I I pulled over on the on the side of it, the highway. I'm like crying. You know when you're crying so hard, like everything's just blurry and like dizzy. Like that that's how hard I was crying. I was so devastated. And um, and yeah, I remember I pulled over in like a McDonald's parking lot because I I couldn't drive. I was just like so upset. I couldn't drive, I was like shaking, crying, I couldn't see. And so I pulled over in a parking lot and I I just called him and I was like, Yeah, I know. And he's like, What do you mean? I'm like, Yeah, I'm not an idiot. Like, I know everything basically. Um and yeah, and then and then like a week passed, and he like really wanted to get back together, obviously. And I was yeah, I was young and really dumb, and I was like, okay, sure, like we'll we'll get back together and just see like whatever. And then like the next week or something, I found out he he was like a videographer, so he he traveled a lot and he was going to Florida like the next week. I found out she was flying with him to Florida.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:44

How did you find this out?

SPEAKER_01 1:03:47

Honestly, I don't remember exactly how I found out, but I I remember driving there.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:56

You drove to Florida?

SPEAKER_01 1:03:58

No, no, no, no. I drove from I drove like two hours back to his his house. I show up, I just open the door. I don't I just walk into his parents' house and like he doesn't even know I'm there. And luckily his parents weren't home. And I go in his room and I start throwing shoes at him and he had like a bag with all his like video equipment. I like chucked it across the room. Oh no. I mean, that was probably not a good idea, and then I remember we were just like screaming at each other. It's also this is funny now, but at the time it was not funny, but like telling it now, I kind of giggle because I'm like, this is crazy. Um and I remember his little brother was home at the time too. So it was him and his little brother that were home, that was it. And his little brother's outside the door while we're like fighting, just like giggling, like he thinks this is the funniest shit ever. And as a little brother, like that's that's probably really funny to like witness, you know. Um, but yeah, and then I his little brother I think called his parents, and I remember his parents like on the phone outside the door saying, You guys need to stop, like uh they're such good people, they really were. But that was like that was the crazy that was the craziest thing I've ever done. But I think rightfully so, because what do you mean you wanted to get back together and then you're taking a girl to Florida? The girl that you basically like, you know. That yeah, that's that's some some people. Some people that's my story.

What Counts As Cheating And Flirting

SPEAKER_05 1:05:46

What do you consider cheating? Um I mean, from the sound of it, it sounds like any anybody saying anything emotional crossing the line.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:00

Yeah. And flirting is also cheating. I think I think flirting. Yeah. If you're like hanging out behind my back with a girl, like you can be friendly. There's a there's a difference between like being friendly and being flirty.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:18

Okay, let's say your boyfriend is at a bar.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:20

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:20

And a girl comes up to him and says, You're so hot.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:25

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:26

And she says, So are you. And he says, so are you.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:31

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:32

Has he cheated?

SPEAKER_01 1:06:33

I don't love that. But um like yeah, that that would piss me off.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:41

Oh, okay. But can he think it in his head?

SPEAKER_01 1:06:45

Sure. But don't I guess don't make it known. You can say thank you. Like that's really kind. Whatever. You can be nice. You don't have to be a jackass. But saying it back is crazy. Come on. Come on.

SPEAKER_05 1:07:03

Is it crazy? Or is it crazy, but like I mean, you're but like this is this is this is wild to me. I mean the fact that's no one I deserve. Like I But the fact that you are okay with going on set and making out with some guy and and that's nothing. Because But then you're I and I get like I understand. I understand the reasoning, I understand your logic behind it. I understand.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:31

I understand yours too, but I I I do think there's there's a difference.

SPEAKER_05 1:07:39

The only difference is what we tell ourselves. Because look the difference between somebody thinking that somebody else is attractive versus saying that somebody else is attractive. Saying it to them. Uh-huh. Right. Is uttering the words.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:06

Right. And then they know that you think a certain way about them.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:11

So you feel like if they d know it that somehow that versus disrespectful.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:15

I think making it known is where the respect comes in. Like you don't have to make it known to the other person that you think they're attractive. I mean, sure, they probably think that they, you know, if they're attractive and you're attractive, they're probably like, yeah, she definitely thinks I'm attractive, whatever. But like you don't have to say that. I think that's where the respect for your partner comes in. Because once you make it known, then it's like, okay, do I have a shot here? That's when people think they have a chance, is when is when you act on it or like make it known. That's when other people think that there's a chance.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:56

Uh-huh. And as far as you're concerned, that that is that's crossing the line of the commitment of the relationship.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:07

Yeah. Because if you're with me, no one else should think they have a chance.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:14

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. That's all I'm saying. Uh-huh. Got it. Got it.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:18

And vice versa.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:24

But but in this particular situation, a lot of people would think that they have a chance with you.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:29

Why? Because I'm an actress? That doesn't mean I'm a chance to do that. I mean, that job or like uh with this logic, I feel like you're those could go hand in hand and they don't.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:42

Okay, so my my wife goes to this um event, like a rap event last night. Okay. And um there's like a bunch of people that like are like coming up to her and like talking to her. And she's like telling me that like there's this guy that came up to her and like, you know, talking to her, blah blah blah. She's with her friend. And then another guy comes up cutting off this guy to like talk to her.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:11

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:12

Right. And now there's like these guys that are like kind of just like fight over her, fighting, fighting over, you know, for her attention.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:18

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:20

And you know, it it it's like that's the mentality, right? The mentality of the thing.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:29

Even though she was the other guy was talking to her.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:31

Yeah, like like the guys just in general, like they're just gonna shoot their shit.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:36

That is more of like a guy thing to do for sure. But if you don't reciprocate it, nothing, nothing happens, you know?

SPEAKER_05 1:10:45

But reciprocating it is like what exactly?

SPEAKER_01 1:10:49

Like if say a guy comes up and he's like, Oh, you're so attractive, like whatever, blah blah blah blah, you say thanks and move on. You don't say thanks, so are you.

SPEAKER_05 1:11:02

But in your line of work, right, that's not that's not realistic. Wow. Because because that's not a reaction you would you would have. Because somebody comes up to you, like, you know, let's say they're an actor.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:14

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 1:11:15

Let's say you're in a yeah, like you're at the at the um Oscars event. Okay, right? Yeah, it's maybe. Yes. And then you're um and and you know, you're networking. You have to network. Yeah, right. That's like it's like part of the job, right? You just have to like do the thing.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:11:38

And some director walks up to you and says, Wow, like, you know, you're very attractive. Which is like, this is that this is realistic to like what happens.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:46

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 1:11:46

Yes, in this in this industry, is that the guy walks up to you and says, Wow, like you're so attractive. Let's like a director. This is a director, you know this person, you know this person is famous, and you're like, damn, like I would love to work with this guy, right?

SPEAKER_01 1:11:58

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 1:11:59

And let's say, for the sake of this conversation, that is known that you have uh by that point a husband.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:06

Okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:07

You're like publicly married, okay. And the guy is like, hey, like, you know, you're so attractive, you know, blah, blah, blah. And he's physically, like, you know, he's he's verbally flirting with you, and you understand that he is.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:21

And he says, We should grab lunch, so so we could like talk about some projects.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:25

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:26

Right. Is your first thought in your head that this guy is grabbing lunch with me because he wants to have a professional conversation about work?

SPEAKER_01 1:12:36

Yeah. I would think that. I'd be like, he wants to cast me in something. That's what I would think.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:44

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:45

Is that naive of me? Yes. I mean, okay, and then I if I go to the lunch and it's weird and he doesn't want to talk about any project with me, he just wants to like hit on me the whole time, then that's when I draw the line, and I'm like, no, thank you. Thank you. Like, I I'm still nice, like, I'm not gonna be a jackass, but like, you know, yeah, but that's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_05 1:13:09

You just you know, your line where you drew for yourself is like out of here.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:14

Okay, versus like But vice versa, that like my boyfriend could do that too. If like that, like I said earlier, there's a difference between being friendly and being flirty with someone.

SPEAKER_05 1:13:27

Yeah, but he can't go up to a girl and be like, hey, you're so attractive.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:31

Like No, like I would never go up to a man and say that.

SPEAKER_05 1:13:35

Yeah, but but but it's but see, you see the differences. What is the difference? The the the the realistic way that men and women function function in society is that men need to be the ones taking this step, okay, and women are the recipients.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:51

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 1:13:51

Right, that's just naturally how it goes. Okay, right, like the chances of women going up and asking guy out, asking guy out on a date is much less than the vice versa.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:14:03

So the it's and that's where the inequality of it comes, which is like you're standing there making this guy think that he has a chance, right? Because of your own professional um uh uh what's the word? Uh professional uh um desires.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:23

Okay, but why would he think he has a chance if I'm just being friendly? Like I'm not telling him, yeah, you're so attractive back. I'm just saying, like, thank you, yeah, let's grab lunch, let's talk about stuff, you know? I'm not making it, I'm not, you know, coming on to him like he was to me. I'm just being friendly. And that would be fine either way. Like if my boyfriend was being friendly to someone, like, I don't think I don't think my boyfriend would come up to a girl and say, You're really attractive, let's grab lunch. I think if he wanted to work with someone, he would just be like, I love your work, let's grab lunch and talk about projects. Something something along those lines, you know?

SPEAKER_05 1:15:06

Yeah. And I get I definitely get that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:11

Um I just think I feel like guys more so take things the wrong way. Yeah. More than women do. Like, in that situation, maybe he does think there's like a chance or something more, but from what I express, there like from my point of view, I wouldn't see why he would think that if I was just being friendly and professional and wanting to discuss projects, you know?

SPEAKER_03 1:15:46

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:47

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_05 1:15:51

I can't we I I think we're gonna have this conversation in like a few years. We're gonna go back and forth. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:56

We're just gonna keep going back and forth.

SPEAKER_05 1:15:58

No, I'm gonna I I think I think we're gonna have a completely different conversation. I think Okay. I think when like in a few years we'll I'll have you come back on the box and be like, hey, how has it been going?

SPEAKER_01 1:16:08

How's it been going?

SPEAKER_05 1:16:09

Yeah.

Intentions Change Perspective Final Thoughts

SPEAKER_01 1:16:10

Hopefully, still a love story, fairy tale. The thing is, like, I I I see it not even just in my relationship. Like my best friend is in a relationship with this wonderful guy who she's like living a fairy tale love story, and I saw it even before I met my boyfriend now. Like I saw like how she was being treated in their relationship, and granted, I don't know all the all the details, but I know like just the kind of guy he is, and and I think that's that was like the first proof that I was like, okay, wait, you can have a relationship like this in this generation, like it it's possible. Because I see it with them.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:53

Time is time is is extremely important.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:57

100%.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:58

As far as I'm concerned, I think that you have great intentions.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:04

I think so too.

SPEAKER_05 1:17:05

And and and and that's that's the most you could ask for in any relationship.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:09

And doesn't every girl just want her dream fairy tale? Come on. Yes, they do. They all do. Don't crush my dreams.

SPEAKER_05 1:17:15

Yes, yes, yes. Um But I think the the the the realistic factor of how society functions is often ignored because of our delusional um desires. I like being delusional. I I I understand that.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:36

I feel like even to be an actress, you have to be delusional. You really do.

SPEAKER_05 1:17:41

And and it's and it's one of those things where it's just like I think if in in the industry that you're going to be in, and and you know, this is I I've I've seen uh relationships that have worked out, uh-huh. Right? I've seen a lot of relationships that have worked out, but I think it takes a lot of hard work and a lot of sacrifice from both people in that relationship. So whether or not that's gonna happen, I don't know your boyfriend, so I you know I can't really comment on like where you know his character, yeah, you know, it's it's it would be unfair to say anything about who he is because I don't know him.

SPEAKER_03 1:18:23

Right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:18:24

Um, and and frankly, I don't even know you that well. No, so right, like it's it's not even so I can't I can't tell what the future holds for you. However, based upon what you've said to me so far, okay. It just it seems like you're holding on to certain um stories in your head that I don't think will end up holding true in the long run.

SPEAKER_01 1:18:52

Like what story?

SPEAKER_05 1:18:53

Like the story of like how you would feel about and and look, is it possible that like you're not gonna connect with somebody else because like you fully shut yourself off if you know somebody you end up having chemistry with on set or something? I don't it's it's I mean, sure, it's possible. Okay. Um but I just think I just think you know it's like it's like what you said in the very beginning that like you've changed so much from like when you were like 21, 22.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:21

Yeah, and I mean, yeah, I definitely will keep changing like everyone does.

SPEAKER_05 1:19:25

Yeah, and I think it's it's all about perspective, like change is about perspective, and perspective happens through experience. Yeah, and I think as you end up experiencing these things, the further you go in life, um your your perspective continues to change because those experiences that you end up having end up proving your perspective that you previously had wrong.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:51

Okay, and that's how change happens. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:19:54

So I like I said, I wish you all the best.

SPEAKER_03 1:19:59

Oh I see.

SPEAKER_05 1:19:59

I th I think you have great character, which which I think is like the most important thing, right? Like regardless of what we've talked about here, I think the most important thing is to have good morals, good ethics, and good character. Because that that will remain within you, regardless of what experiences you go through in life.

SPEAKER_00 1:20:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:20:21

Um and and so, and so I think as far as that's concerned, it seems like whatever ends up happening, you will end up doing your best to do the right thing, which is which is to me is all that matters. Like personally speaking, like I think intention is much more important than the mistakes people make. Yeah. Because I think people, I I think we're all prone to making mistakes, and that's unavoidable in life. Right. However, I think the intention that we have behind those mistakes is much more important than the mistakes themselves.

SPEAKER_00 1:20:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:21:00

So I like that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:21:01

Write that down.

SPEAKER_05 1:21:04

I think you you are you're a type of person who holds themselves to higher standards of being a type of person who has good intention regardless of what they do. Right. So you know, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:21:17

For that we clap, snap, period. Yeah. I think everything happens for a reason. Yeah. So whatever happens, happens. But I think everything's for a reason. So there's a reason I'm here today.

SPEAKER_05 1:21:33

That's gonna be a different conversation for a different day. Why? Cause uh that's uh that's uh well that's that's a more philosophical conversation than uh oh yeah, then we have time for yeah, that's that's too deep.

SPEAKER_01 1:21:47

We're too deep. I appreciate you coming on the show. You're great. Thank you.

SPEAKER_05 1:21:53

Um and I wish you all the best. Thank you. Yeah, I think uh I mean I've never seen you act, but I think you know you're gonna do thank you.

SPEAKER_01 1:22:03

Well, I might be in euphoria this Sunday.

SPEAKER_05 1:22:05

Oh shit. Wow.

SPEAKER_01 1:22:06

Stay tuned. I'm like praying they don't cut me out. They might.

SPEAKER_05 1:22:12

Well look out for you.

SPEAKER_01 1:22:15

Stay tuned.

SPEAKER_05 1:22:16

Thanks for watching. We'll see you later.