Why Do We Do What We Do?

I’m usually a little wary of asking someone a “why” question.

Why?

Because the answer can take you just about anywhere.

But I’m going to go out on a limb here and ask you anyway:

Why do we do what we do?

There are probably as many answers as there are people, but I want to focus on one:

We’re searching for a feeling.

Years ago, I was introduced to a questioning technique that went something like this:

Q: What do you want?

A: I want to be famous.

Q: What will that get you?

A: Money, cars, jewelry, headlines.

Q: And what will those things get you?

A: Respect. Acknowledgment. Satisfaction.

Q: And what does it feel like to have respect, acknowledgment and satisfaction?

A: It’s hard to describe. It just feels good.

And there it is.

After peeling away all the layers of what we think we want, we often arrive at a feeling.

Think about it.

If you’re trying to chase away the blues with a bottle of Jack Daniel’s or a pint of Ben & Jerry’s, you’re looking for a feeling.

If you’re working to become the best at what you do, you’re looking for a feeling.

If you’re lookin’ for love, trying to impress someone, prove yourself, win the argument, buy the car, lose the weight, or make tons of money . . .

You’re probably looking for a feeling.

Whether we’re moving toward something or running away from something, there’s usually a feeling at the end of the road that we’re hoping to experience.

And that’s worth knowing.

Because once you realize you’re searching for a feeling, you can stop being so dependent on the vehicle you’ve chosen to get you there.

That’s an important distinction.

The car isn’t the destination.

The job isn’t the destination.

The money isn’t the destination.

They’re all vehicles.

And sometimes we get so attached to the vehicle that we forget where we were trying to go in the first place.

I think that’s part of what makes a great actor so compelling.

The best actors don’t simply perform the actions of a character. They find the feeling of the character. Once they have that feeling, almost everything they do or say becomes infused with it.

You can see the difference.

One performer may have the “movie star” looks, all the right moves and all the right lines, but somehow you feel nothing.

Another actor may barely move, yet you feel exactly what they’re feeling.

The difference is the feeling.

So here’s a question worth asking yourself from time to time:

What do I want to feel?

Not, “What do I need to get?”

Not, “What do I need to accomplish?”

Just . . .

What do I want to feel?

The next time you find yourself reaching for one of your usual vehicles – pause for a moment.

Ask yourself:

What am I hoping this will make me feel?

Because when you know the feeling you’re looking for, you may discover you have more ways of getting there than you thought.

You don’t always have to chase the vehicle.

Sometimes you can go straight to the feeling.

All the best,

John