Accidental Reality

If you really stop and think about it, there may be no such thing as an accident.

There’s just reality.

Now, I know that sounds a little harsh. Maybe even a little too much like something Mister Spock might say.

Because we’ve been conditioned our whole lives to think in terms of accidents.

“I had an accident.”

“It was an accident.”

“It wasn’t supposed to happen.”

But what if the goal isn’t to teach ourselves that accidents don’t exist?

What if the goal is simply to become better at accepting what is?

Because accepting reality can be pretty tough.

Especially when reality isn’t what we wanted.

And that’s where something interesting happens.

When we stop fighting reality and start accepting it, we discover something hiding inside it.

A response.

Most of us are pretty well trained to react to reality.

Something happens.

We react.

Then we come up with a reason for why it happened.

“That wouldn’t have happened if I’d been in charge.”

“What did you expect from an idiot like him?”

“It was God’s will.”

We’re pretty good at finding reasons.

But reasons can keep us looking backward.

Responding is what moves us forward.

There’s a simple difference between the two.

Reaction gives you what you’ve already got.

Response gives you options.

Now, you’re going to continue to have an immediate reaction to some things. That’s just being human. You can’t always control the first thing that pops into your head.

But you can notice it.

And that little moment of noticing is important.

Because the instant you realize, “Oh… I’m reacting,” you’re no longer completely on automatic pilot.

You’ve created a little space.

And in that space, you can respond.

A response lives underneath the reaction.

Let me show you what I mean.

If I say the word “ocean,” what’s the first word that pops into your mind?

Maybe it’s “blue.”

Maybe “water.”

Maybe “waves.”

Whatever it is, that first word is your reaction.

Now, give yourself a few seconds and come up with four more words.

Those next four words are different.

You had to go looking for them.

That’s response.

And you can see the difference even more clearly when someone gets under your skin.

Let’s say somebody calls you a nasty name.

Your first reaction might be to call them a nasty name right back.Pretty automatic.

They throw a punch with words.

You throw one back.

And now you’re both standing in the same mess.

But what if you didn't?

What if they called you a name, and instead of immediately reacting, you stayed quiet for a few seconds?

Just long enough to look underneath your reaction for something else.

Maybe you said:

“If you knew me a little better, you might like me a little more.”

Now something different has happened.

You haven't surrendered.

You haven't agreed with them.

You've simply refused to let their reaction determine yours.

And that changes everything.

Their eruption has nothing to grab onto.

That's the power of a response.

So maybe there really are no accidents.

Maybe there’s just reality showing up, exactly as it does.

We don’t always get to choose what reality brings us.

But we do get to choose what we bring to it.

Responding is no accident.It’s a conscious choice.

And every time reality shows its face, we have another opportunity to choose.

All the best,

John