Cotton Candy Dreams

About 25 years ago, I woke up in the middle of the night with a phrase running through my head:

“Supercharged on superficial.”

I wrote it down and went back to sleep.

The next morning I looked at what I’d scribbled and thought, What the hell does that mean?

So I made myself a cup of tea . . . and somewhere between the first sip and the second, the idea became clear.

How do you know when you’re having a conversation that’s supercharged on superficial?

Nobody asks any questions.

It’s one train of thought passing another train of thought, both blowing their whistles . . . and neither one listening.

There may be plenty of talking going on, but there isn’t much communication.

Want more substance in your conversations?

Ask questions.

Questions slow things down. They take a wandering conversation and focus it on something specific.

Because outside of a formal lecture, if someone is doing all the talking and asking you nothing, they're not be communicating with you at all.

They're just be throwing up on you . . . with big chunks of superficial.

So try this today.

Pay attention to your conversations. Notice how long the back-and-forth goes on before somebody asks a question.

It could be your boss . . . your employee . . . your spouse . . . a family member . . . a friend . . . or even a foe.

The longer the conversation goes without a question, the greater the chance there’s not much substance to it.

If all you want to do is pass gas in each other’s direction, don’t ask questions.

But if you want to get past the superficial, dig in and ask questions.

Otherwise, you may walk away from the conversation feeling like all you consumed was cotton candy.

Monumentally fluffy . . . and not very nourishing.

All the best,

John