What’s The Solution?

I’m reminded of an old joke:

“You can lead a horse to water . . . but keep in mind what a wet horse smells like.”

And sometimes, that’s exactly what we’re dealing with.

You may be trying to lead someone toward a solution, but there’s one little problem . . .

They don’t see the problem.

The Grasshopper put it this way many years ago:

“If there are no problems, there are no solutions.”

And that makes sense.

If we don’t think we have a problem, then why, in God's name, would we need a solution?

Here’s what I’ve learned: People who have problems but don’t recognize them as problems aren’t looking for a solution.

It may be obvious to everybody around them that something's wrong. Everybody may see it . . . except them.

But until they recognize it for themselves, there’s not much you can do about it.

And that raises the obvious question:

How do we get them to see it?

I wish I knew.

Especially when the person is somebody close to you.

But I do know one thing that doesn’t work.

Telling them over and over again that they have a problem.

After a while, all that does is create opposition. They stop hearing what you’re saying and start defending their position.

So, is there a solution?

I don’t have one.

But I do know the answer that doesn’t work:

“Facting” them to death.

You know what I mean.

You keep giving them facts . . . more facts . . . and then a few more facts for good measure.

They’re not stupid. They’ve heard you.

They’ve simply decided to discount it, deny it, or ignore it.At that point, you’re basically yelling at a deaf person.

And here’s the hardest part to accept:

You’re not going to change somebody who doesn’t think they need to change.

The change has to come from them.

So maybe the only solution available to us is to go to work on our own peace of mind.

And I think that begins with a simple mindset:

They will either change . . . or they won’t.

You’ve led that horse to water more times than you can count, and they still haven’t taken a bath in your pond of reflection.

Maybe it’s time to stop trying to make them.

Maybe your peace of mind comes from accepting their rejection of the solution you’re offering.

They will figure it out . . .

or they won’t.

And that’s the hard reality we have such a hard time facing.

But accepting it isn’t giving up on them.

It’s giving them the un-opinionated space to figure it out for themselves . . . or not.

Helplessness, without a doubt, is one of the most overwhelming feelings we experience.

And perhaps we begin to outgrow that feeling when we finally recognize something:

We can’t change anybody who doesn’t want to change.

It’s up to them to get their life rearranged.

And it’s up to us to get our mind some peace of mind.

All the best,

John