How To Outgrow It

We all have habits that are unique to us.

Growing up, for example, I had a cousin who would put a slice of tomato on a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

If you just cringed, imagine what it was like to witness it in person.

But odd habits aren’t really what I’m talking about here.

I’m talking about the habits that get in our way . . . the ones that keep us from moving forward . . . or sometimes even chase other people away.

And some people go through their entire lives without ever outgrowing those limiting behaviors.

Especially the patterns they don’t even know they have.

And that brings me to something I’ve learned over the years:

You have to know it to outgrow it.

You’re not going to change a pattern you don’t know exists.

Unless . . . you give the creative part of you permission to go looking for it. – to search for that unknown pattern that keeps repeating . . . and keeps producing the same unwanted results.

Here’s a little exercise you can try.

Think about something unwanted that seems to happen to you over and over again.

Something you can’t quite figure out.

Something that has you asking:

“Why does this always happen to me?”

“Am I a magnet for bad luck?”

“How do I always wind up on the short end of the stick?”

Once you have that situation in mind, go somewhere quiet and ask yourself:

What part of me is responsible for creating these unwelcome outcomes?

And it might help to understand something about patterns of behavior.

They usually have a purpose.

In fact, many of them were created to protect us.

That reminds me of a client I once worked with who was deathly afraid of the ocean.

Anytime she got near the water, she would tremble with fear. So, naturally, she avoided the ocean whenever she could.

Then her husband bought a beach property so the family could enjoy the beach during the summer.

He and the kids were ecstatic.

She was not.

Whenever the family went to the beach house, she stayed home.

She eventually came to see me because she wanted to put that fear behind her and enjoy the summer with her family.

I helped her quiet her mind and asked her to search for the part of her that was creating this behavior.

And in that quiet state, she found a memory buried in childhood.

She and her brother had been playing at the water’s edge when a wave came in and knocked her over . . . or perhaps her brother pushed her into the wave.

She wasn’t sure which.

But one thing was crystal clear.

She got a mouthful of salt water.

And apparently, that was enough.

Her mind immediately created a pattern of avoidance to protect her from the big, bad ocean.

So I asked her to thank that part of herself for protecting her all the     se years . . . and then let it know that she was a big girl now. 

She could protect herself.

The good news is, she went on to enjoy those summer months with her family at the beach.

And I think there’s something useful in that story.

We all have parts of us that create patterns for a purpose.

We may never discover the original incident that triggered the particular pattern like the woman did.

And we don't necessarily have to.

You can simply recognize the recurring problem . . . acknowledge that a pattern was created for a purpose to address it . . . thank the part of you that created the pattern. . . and let it know that things are different now.

You’re different now.

You can protect yourself.

And you no longer need that old pattern.

You may have to repeat the exercise a few times.

But sometimes, simply recognizing that a behavior was originally created to help you . . . rather than hurt you . . .  and thanking it can be the beginning of outgrowing it.

After all . . .

You have to know it to outgrow it.

All the best,

John