Upsetting Opinions

We all have opinions. And I’m not sure we give much thought to how upset we can get when somebody disagrees with ours.

I’ve come to believe that opinions are simply our take on reality. They’re not facts. They’re opinions. They may turn out to be facts someday, but until then, they’re just what we think about something we can’t yet prove.

I remember, as a young man, when this new group called The Beatles came along. I was convinced they were going to be a flash in the pan. And I was happy to share that opinion with anybody who’d listen.

When I turned out to be dead  wrong, it didn’t bother me much.

But then there was another opinion that bothered me a whole lot more.

Back in 1979, a music critic for a Kansas City newspaper wrote that the song What a Fool Believes by The Doobie Brothers had no staying power. He predicted that twenty years later, the song would be obscure and getting no airplay.

He thought Evergreen, sung by Barbra Streisand, would be a song that stood the test of time.

My response?

What an idiot!

I had worked at several radio stations by that time, and I thought I had a pretty good feel for which songs would last and which ones wouldn't.

So I did what any mature, levelheaded person would do.

I wrote him a letter. A nasty-gram, if you will, telling him exactly how wrong he was.

How could somebody be so stupid and hold a position like that at a newspaper?

Well, it turns out my opinion became a fact. After 47 years, What a Fool Believes is still a staple on many radio formats, while Evergreen — a good song, by the way — has largely disappeared from airplay.

And here's the interesting part.

I got all worked up over an opinion. His opinion challenged mine, and I took it personally.

As I got a little older, I began to realize that what upset me wasn't necessarily what he said. It was that somebody had challenged something I believed, even though I had no evidence to prove I was right.

It got me wondering. How many of our beliefs are really just opinions? And how often do we get ourselves worked into a froth when somebody disagrees with us?

Over an opinion!

Which brings me to another story.

Recently, I was in the gym locker room telling a few guys how spectacular I thought WNBA basketball player Caitlin Clark was.

A young guy spoke up and said, “She's no Maya Moore.”

He went on to list the accomplishments of this retired basketball star and wrapped up his argument by saying Clark would never measure up to Moore's statistics.

Now, I was ready to challenge him. I had facts and figures in mind that would put a pretty good dent in his argument.

And then I caught myself.

Instead of getting into a debate, I simply said, “Time will tell.”

Because, really, time will tell.

Here's what I've learned. If you've got an opinion you can't back up with evidence, why argue about it? You can't prove it to somebody else, and you can’t even prove it to yourself.

All you're likely to accomplish is ruffling a few feathers — including your own.

You don't have to abandon your opinions. And you don't have to agree with everybody.

Just remember that an opinion isn't a fact simply because you feel strongly about it.

And the next time somebody challenges one of yours, maybe take a breath before you fire back.

You might discover that the thing upsetting you isn't their opinion.

It's your unproven attachment to your own.

All the best,

John