I Don't Understand

Understanding in human interaction is a non-starter. Discover appreciation and you'll have a finer understanding of why understanding doesn't work.

Grasshopper Notes are the writings from America's Best Known Hypnotherapist John Morgan. His podcasts contain his most responded to essays and blog posts from the past two decades. 

Find the written versions of these podcasts on John's website: https://grasshoppernotes.com​​ 

"The Grasshopper" the part of you that whispers pearls of wisdom that  seem to pop into your mind from out of the blue. John's essays and blog posts are his interpretations of these "Nips of Nectar." Others have labeled his writings as timeless wisdom. 

Most of the John's writings revolve around self improvement and self help. They address topics like:

• Mindfulness
• Peace of mind
• Creativity
• How to stay in the present moment
• Spirituality
• Behavior improvement

And stories that transform you to a wider sense of awareness that presents more options. And isn't that what we all want, more options? 

John uploads these podcasts on a regular basis. So check back often to hear these podcasts heard around the world. Who wants to be the next person to change? 

Make sure to order a copy of John's new book: WISDOM OF THE GRASSHOPPER – 21 Days to Creativity. These mini-meditations take you inside where all your creative resources live. And you'll come out not only refreshed but recommitted to creating your future. 

It's only $16.95 and available at BLURB.COM at the link below. https://www.blurb.com/b/10239673-wisd...

Also, download John's FREE book INTER RUPTION: The Magic Key To Lasting Change. It's available at John's website  https://GrasshopperNotes.com

Transcript

I Don't Understand

Many people are looking to be understood, perhaps maybe even you. Sorry, it won’t happen in this lifetime. In fact, if you are reincarnated into another life, you won’t be understood there either.

Understanding is for algebra, or languages. You can also understand how to assemble a bike, a car, or a bouquet for Valentine’s Day, but you’ll never understand people and you’ll never be understood.

When someone tells you they understand your situation, they may not know it but they're lying. It can be no other way. In order for them to understand you, they would have to be you, and even then there's no guarantee. It’s actually an insult to say this to another, “I understand your situation and how you feel.” I think there ought to be a law that permits you to kick somebody when they say that to you, because they've just delivered a body blow with their comment.

When you look for understanding or attempt to bestow it, you will move further away from the person you are seeking to get it from or give it to – not closer.

You may think you are dispensing or receiving the milk of human kindness with understanding, when in fact; a wedge is being driven between you and another.

People have different reactions to the same stimulus – even identical twins. Everyone catalogues things differently. So when you tell someone that you understand, you are telling them you are processing the stimulus with the exact same information they have. That’s not humanly possible. Remember this: Human storage of information isn’t modeled after computers; it’s the other way around. You become like a computer when you look for or attempt to dispense understanding. I’m not sure I want a computer holding my hand in my time of need.

This concept may disturb you a bit. Don’t blame me; blame the late Dr. Dave Dobson. He’s the fellow I first heard it from. Dave claimed the closest you can get to understanding is appreciation.

You can appreciate what another is going through but you’ll never understand it. You could have the exact same situation as a stimulus and your response will be unique to you. Don’t believe me, ask a police officer at the scene of an accident. Look at the witness statements. They viewed the same crash from the same vantage point and oftentimes tell opposite stories.

It may seem like the splitting of semantic hairs to use the word “appreciate” vs. “understand.” The real test of the accuracy of this approach is to validate it in your own experience. It’s not accurate because I say it or Dr. Dave said it, and it’s not accurate if you judge this concept only in your head. It’s only true if it works for you. You’ll never know unless you pull it out of the tool box and use it.

You’ll never understand your son or daughter even if they are flesh and blood. You’ll never understand your spouse, lover, friend or enemy, and, lord knows, you’ll never understand your parents.

You can have an appreciation of another’s experience, especially if you’ve had a similar set of circumstances – but not an understanding. There's a different energy that goes along with appreciation than there is with understanding. People feel that energy. Understanding formally cloaks itself in a superior attitude. And how close do you want to get to someone who demonstrates they're superior to you?

Appreciation is more like “Casual Friday” in dress and there is more of a connection established with others. Again, the proof lies within you, not in this mini podcast.

I find that people like mantras; so give this one a spin: When you appreciate, you never denigrate.

All the best,

John