Judging Or Evaluating

Are you judging or evaluating? One gets you stabbed in the back more often than you can keep track. Find out more in this mini podcast from John Morgan.

Grasshopper Notes are the writings from America's Best Known Hypnotherapist John Morgan. His podcasts contain his most responded to essays and blog posts from the past two decades. 

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"The Grasshopper" is the part of you that whispers pearls of wisdom that  seem to pop into your mind from out of the blue. John's essays and blog posts are his interpretations of these "Nips of Nectar." Others have labeled his writings as timeless wisdom. 

Most of the John's writings revolve around self improvement and self help. They address topics like:

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Transcript

Judging Or Evaluating

It’s my experience that everybody judges to one degree or another. It seems to be part of our conditioning. We absorb many of these judgements that were passed on to us by our early caregivers. We learn to judge before we even know what the word means.

And the word “judgement” has taken on quite a negative meaning over the years. “Oh, you’re so judgmental!” That’s a pejorative phrase that we’ve all heard or said.

Again, judging is something we all naturally do, but claim that we don’t. We may judge in our head without being outspoken about it, but we still judge, and that judgement can be felt by another.

So, if we judge as natural as we breathe, is there anything we can do to stop the process? I think not, but I do believe there’s a workaround that will mitigate the angst we cause others.

It begins by determining whether we’re evaluating something or someone or simply passing judgement.

Let’s pretend you’re a golf or dance instructor. The client or student pays you to observe what they do and then you offer some input on how they can improve. You’re evaluating their talent level to see what needs to be worked on and then you offer your instruction. That’s evaluating.

Judging is when you castigate them silently or aloud for doing something that goes against your rules of the road. And, quite often, it’s something that you do too that you don’t hold yourself to account for.

Reminds me of a story I’ve told before. 

One day, I was walking past a neighbor’s house and noticed their beautiful, newly sodded lawn had a patch of sod near their fence that didn’t take. I immediately went into “Mr. Fix-it” mode in my head and knew exactly what needed to be done. Fortunately, I didn’t know these folks well enough to offer my “invaluable” advice.

The story gets more interesting when I noticed that days and weeks later that they hadn’t tended to this obvious flaw. I was champing at the bit to offer my advice, but had the good sense to choke it back. That good sense came to me that very day when I noticed that my own lawn looked like a patchwork quilt of sewn together bare spots.

This would have a storybook ending if I were able to report that I went home and immediately attended to my little corner of God’s green earth, but, alas, the bare spots remained. But the experience produced this bit of wisdom:

It’s flattering when someone asks for your advice; it’s world changing when you follow your own.

If you’re going to hold someone else in low regard for something which you won’t hold yourself to account for, you’re judgmental and will attract and earn all the daggers that come your way.

If you want to stop getting stabbed in the back, notice your judgement as it arises in your mind and reel it back in. And then remember the famous Bible verse: “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.”

All the best,

John