Father's Day

This mini podcast is what Fatherhood means to John. It's a personal account of the meaning of "Dad."

Grasshopper Notes are the writings from America's Best Known Hypnotherapist John Morgan. His podcasts contain his most responded to essays and blog posts from the past two decades. 

Find the written versions of these podcasts on John's podcasting site: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1628038

"The Grasshopper" is the part of you that whispers pearls of wisdom that  seem to pop into your mind from out of the blue. John's essays and blog posts are his interpretations of these "Nips of Nectar." Others have labeled his writings as timeless wisdom. 

Most of the John's writings revolve around self improvement and self help. They address topics like:

• Mindfulness
• Peace of mind
• Creativity
• How to stay in the present moment
• Spirituality
• Behavior improvement

And stories that transform you to a wider sense of awareness that presents more options. And isn't that what we all want, more options? 

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Transcript

Father’s Day

Well, today is Father’s Day. And the label I like most that’s attributed to me is “Dad.” It’s the most important job I’ve had in my lifetime, and it comes with lifetime tenure. I’ll never not be a father or grandfather for the rest of my life.  I was fortunate enough to have two careers in my life: radio broadcasting and leading seminars.

My experience of being a father got me my first management job in radio. I was interviewing for the position of program director with three people: the owner, the general manager and the consultant. The owner asked me why I thought I could perform well as a program director having never done the job before. I said, aside from my experience as a performer in radio, I thought my experience as a parent qualified me. He asked, “How so?” I said, “The role of the parent is part psychologist and part disciplinarian. Sometimes you have to wipe a nose and sometimes you have to, metaphorically, kick an ass. Managing radio performers is the same.” He offered me the job that night and noted that my response to his question is what sealed the deal.

I found out quickly that a successful seminar presenter must also be a leader. Again, my preparation was parenting. If you’re going to be a successful father, you have to be a leader. Your family is subconsciously counting on you to lead the way. The leadership role is part of our conditioning that gets passed on from generation to generation.

The lessons I learned as a father prepared me to lead.

My family consists of 3 sons and 6 grandchildren – 1 boy and 5 girls. My boys (men) are all special to me. My oldest son, John is married with 3 girls. He works as a client services manager for an insurance company. My middle son, Michael is married with 2 daughters. Mike’s a police officer. My youngest son, Andrew is an accountant and he and his son live with me.

I was married for 28 years, and, together with my wife, raised our three sons who are all wonderful parents. One of my barometers on how well we do as parents is how well our children turn out. The expression I like to use is that my sons are all “Good Citizens.” To me that phrase reflects on their character rather than on their accomplishments. I believe they bring the ancient Chinese definition of character, which is authenticity, to their lives and that makes them successful in my eyes.

I think the biggest challenge of any parent is to work through the resistance you get from your children to ideas you know from experience that’ll work. It’s an ongoing negotiation and you must remember that you are the adult in the room. That means they don’t have the experience you have, and you need to remind yourself that you were in their same, uninformed shoes at one time. You have to repackage what you’re selling and come from a different angle until you make a connection. Being a parent is work, but it’s also your job.

The best advice I would give to any father is that you’re doing the best you can. There are no perfect parents and there’s no manual. You always do the best you can do in accordance with your present level of awareness. If you feel you are not doing a good enough job, work on your awareness. That means to get out of the conversation in your head and actually pay attention to what’s going on. Your actions will improve as your awareness does.

I don’t think your children think of you as your profession, but rather as just Mom or Dad. Your career isn’t that important to them. The balance of career and home life is not as much about the amount of time you spend with your children, but rather how much attention they get when they’re in your company. It’s more than the catch phrase of “Quality Time”; it’s about how much you’re paying attention to them. If you’re offering them platitudes or giving them pat answers to their questions, you aren’t paying attention. Paying attention means getting your attention off you and onto them.

Other fathers are our teachers. What do you observe them doing that’s getting results that you’re not getting? Reminds me of a story . . . Any father who has attempted to teach their son baseball has uttered the words, “Keep your eye on the ball.” I was no exception until . . . one day I was playing Whiffle Ball at the beach with another father who was an accomplished, amateur baseball player who was striking me out. I told him that I could never hit as a kid. He said that’s because you don’t watch the ball hit the bat. He said, “Watch the ball hit the bat.” After that instruction, I hit almost every pitch. He gave more precise directions than “Keep your eye on the ball.” It caused me to give more precise directions to my sons well past baseball.

Fatherhood is never over as long as you’re breathing. Just because your children are “big and ugly,” as my mother affectionately referred to grown children, doesn’t mean that you can’t be a contributing force in their life. I like that my grown sons once in a blue moon ask my opinion, and even more enjoyable is that we can laugh together. The thing not to get hooked on is when they ignore your advice. As my neighbor once said, “Everyone has their own fingerprints” and that’s to be respected.

My most memorable experience as a parent, which can bring a smile to my face and a tear to my eye anytime I envision it, goes back eons. I was working as an afternoon DJ in Syracuse, New York and would get home about 6:30 at night. We lived in a townhouse at the time, and when I pulled into the parking space outside, I could see into the dining area window. There sitting and waiting for me at the table for our family dinner were three visions of joy known as my boys. It’s an indelible memory that gives life to my meaning of father.

So, to all the proud dads, let me say, “Happy Father’s Day!”

All the best,

John