Judgement Day

We all judge. It's part of the human software package. The trick is to learn to assess. It'll prevent us from going into the drama of judgement too often.

Grasshopper Notes are the writings from America's Best Known Hypnotherapist John Morgan. His podcasts contain his most responded to essays and blog posts from the past two decades. 

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Transcript

Judgement Day

I was out walking one day and was struck with the idea of how ineffective judgements are. I was looking for an upside to judgements and I couldn’t find any. If you own an ego, and who doesn’t, you judge.

It seems that judgements come in two parts – an assessment, and then the addition of a moral value (good or bad, right or wrong).

The assessment has benefits; the moral value adds nothing but distance between you and another.

An effective assessment is fact based. “That man is talking to that woman at high volume and pointing his finger at her.” A judgement is adding to the facts. “Look at that Neanderthal idiot bullying that poor woman.”

“But he IS a chauvinistic pig if he’s acting like that,” you may say. My question is: What’s the benefit to you in making that judgement? Is it that you are right again? Notice that we have the same judgements over and over again.

Reminds me of a story . . . Years ago we drove on family trips from New England to New Jersey/Pennsylvania a couple of times a year. We would pass through New York City and listen to a certain New York City radio station. There was a DJ on the station that I derogatorily imitated aloud. About the 50thtime we passed through, my wife said to me, “Must you always do that?” There I was sharing my judgement again. Of course, I wasn’t the only one who did this. Back at home, my wife would hear a promo for the 11 O’clock news on TV and disparagingly imitate the way the newscaster said a certain word.  You could set your watch.

A judgement is a conditioned pattern of behavior. We weren’t born with any judgements, just the ability to learn how to judge. We also weren’t born with assessments, just the ability to learn to assess. I wonder if we can learn to separate the two in this lifetime.

Most judgements are made inside of your head for a private audience of one. The question you may want to ask is, “What's the benefit to repeating it to myself over and over again?” You were intelligent enough to grasp the meaning the first time. The repetition of it keeps you in your head and reassures you are right. So what?

How likely are you to have a stellar interaction with someone you're judging? From my personal experience, the judging gets in the way of the communication. You have to work doubly hard to communicate with someone you're judging.

Judgement is a tool of separation. For example, if you have a judgement issued against you in court, you'll be separated from some money. If you continually judge others, you'll separate yourself from society. And now for the 500 pound gorilla . . . If you continue to judge yourself, you'll be separated from ever getting to know you.

Most people don’t know themselves; they know their judgements of themselves. There is a huge difference.

Getting to know yourself is a process, and one of the steps is recognizing that judgements are standing in the way. That’s an assessment.

Begin assessing the behavior that you currently judge. Stick with the facts. One of the immediate side benefits is less guilt – the least useful emotion I can think of.

Effective assessors are like great artists; they know when the painting is done. It doesn’t need one more brush stroke. If you go over the assessment border, you'll land in the field of judgement. Stop after the assessment is made. It’s all the information you need to notice your behavior, so that you can remedy it. Judging keeps the behavior alive.

Start to recognize your judgements while they're happening. It’s the first step in separating you from your judgements. Every time you interrupt your judgements, you're one step closer to connection – with others and, most importantly, with yourself.

All the best,

John