Uninvited

Have you ever offered an uninvited opinion? Who hasn't? But if the frequency is a lot over the years, your "sage" advice will fall on deaf ears.

Grasshopper Notes are the writings from America's Best Known Hypnotherapist John Morgan. His podcasts contain his most responded to essays and blog posts from the past two decades. 

Find the written versions of these podcasts on John's podcasting site: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1628038

"The Grasshopper" is the part of you that whispers pearls of wisdom that  seem to pop into your mind from out of the blue. John's essays and blog posts are his interpretations of these "Nips of Nectar." Others have labeled his writings as timeless wisdom. 

Most of the John's writings revolve around self improvement and self help. They address topics like:

• Mindfulness
• Peace of mind
• Creativity
• How to stay in the present moment
• Spirituality
• Behavior improvement

And stories that transform you to a wider sense of awareness that presents more options. And isn't that what we all want, more options? 

John uploads these podcasts on a regular basis. So check back often to hear these podcasts heard around the world. Who wants to be the next person to change? 

Make sure to order a copy of John's new book: WISDOM OF THE GRASSHOPPER – 21 Days to Creativity. These mini-meditations take you inside where all your creative resources live. And you'll come out not only refreshed but recommitted to creating your future. 

It's only $16.95 and available at BLURB.COM at the link below. https://www.blurb.com/b/10239673-wisd...

Also, download John's FREE book INTER RUPTION: The Magic Key To Lasting Change. It's available at John's website  https://GrasshopperNotes.com

Transcript

Uninvited

Have you ever spotted an obvious flaw in someone and had a compelling urge to point it out? But, you get the sense there’s a good chance that what you have to offer will be uninvited. What to do?

Mind your own business comes to mind. Too bad that doesn’t come to mind quickly enough.

I can speak with authority about this topic because, in the past, I’ve been a major uninvited offender. No, I’m not in a 12-step program but I have seen the error of my ways.

For whatever reason, I’ve been blessed and cursed with people insight. My best and worst quality is the same – I spot character flaws in others.

But here's the sticky wicket. I, quite often, fail to see them in myself.

Sometimes, I feel like the character Temperance Brennan, on the TV show “Bones.” She offers fact based assessments without any regard to how they'll play emotionally. Her thinking seems to be, “It’s a fact and it needs to be out there.”

No, no it doesn’t, especially when it’s uninvited. Reminds me of a story . . .

An unforgettable teacher Dr. Dave Dobson taught me something called “Other Than Conscious Communication.” For lack of a better description, it’s a sophisticated, two-way, body language where you can communicate with someone outside of their awareness and get useful feedback.

When Dave was working with a client he would ask, “Would it be OK if I pointed something out to you?” 9 times out of 10 the person would say “Yes,” verbally. Yet if you paid careful attention you would often notice that they were saying “No,” other than consciously. Dave would always give deference to their “other than conscious” response because it was unfiltered, unedited, and genuinely more reliable. He would then say something like, “Well maybe another time.”

He knew his observation was uninvited and would meet with a boatload of resistance.

We don’t need Dave’s high level of sensory acuity to benefit by his practice. We can just adopt this mindset: Keep your observations to yourself, unless asked.

Now, this doesn’t apply to an opinion exchange. That's just chewing the fat that greases the conversation wheel everywhere. This is more about personal observations. If they’re uninvited, keep a lid on it.

The only purpose you serve by offering your unsolicited observation is being right, again. You’ve done no service to the person you’ve observed and “outed,” other than to have them be pissed at you, causing them to resist the benefit of your “sage” wisdom.

Here’s one way it comes across: “I know something that you don’t know and aren’t I special?” Another interpretation is: “I’m better than you and you should go to work on this flaw to have any chance of measuring up.”

You may mean well but that’s not how it’s received. The person oftentimes does have the flaw you observe, but it will be there a lot longer if you can’t help yourself and point it out, uninvited.

Parents when bringing up children do this all the time. Uninvited opinions may be a necessary intervention while your child is still growing into an adult; after that, it’s counterproductive. If they didn’t get it while under your roof, they’re probably not going to get it anytime soon, especially if it’s uninvited.

Bottom line: You’ll be invited more often if you retire the faux pas of pointing out someone’s flaw, uninvited.

All the best,

John