Naughty Or Nice?

Here's a letter to Santa that's disguised as pet peeves. It's a fun look at preferences.

Grasshopper Notes are the writings from America's Best Known Hypnotherapist John Morgan. His podcasts contain his most responded to essays and blog posts from the past two decades. 

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Transcript

Naughty Or Nice? 

Here's something I wrote many Christmases ago that popped up on my computer screen this morning. Each year I write a tongue-in-cheek letter to Santa Claus. It's really me disguising my personal annoyances as Christmas wishes that I send off to jolly old St. Nick.

Dear Santa,

I know you are really busy this time of year prepping for the big day, so I thought I would offer my services helping you sort the naughty from the nice.

This should help speed things up and take some pressure off the elves.

Here are the people who should get non-burning coal in their stocking:

• ANYONE who leaves a shopping cart in the middle of a store parking lot. SIDE NOTE TO SANTA: If possible, could you have your sleigh ding their car door on Christmas Eve?

• ANYONE who knocks on doors selling their brand of religion.

• The person who invented Robo Calls.

• Any man who refers to his spouse as “The Wife.”

• Any parent who puts their child on a leash.

• People who still give fruitcakes as presents.

• Anyone who smokes with children in the car.

• Anyone who starts every sentence with “I.”

• Anyone who likes the theme song for the HBO Show “Boardwalk Empire.”

• TV broadcasters who pronounce the word “Forward” as “Foe-ward.”

On first blush, this may seem like a list of pet peeves, Santa, but please trust me that these are really evil people.

I can provide more naughty folks if you find this list helpful. Just email me. Hope you and “The Mrs.” (another phrase that's a candidate for coal). I hope you both have a wonderful holiday.

All the best,

Little Johnny

P.S. Santa, are you responsible for radio stations starting to play Christmas music on Halloween?