Constructive Criticism

There's a phrase in this mini podcast that you would do well to excise from your vocabulary. Find out what it is by listening in.

Grasshopper Notes are the writings from America's Best Known Hypnotherapist John Morgan. His podcasts contain his most responded to essays and blog posts from the past two decades. 

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Transcript

Constructive Criticism

There’s a phrase you’ve heard or used your entire life which I fervently believe needs to be adjusted. That counter productive phrase is “Constructive Criticism.”

Before I offer what I think is a more useful phrase, let me tell you why constructive criticism works against communication.

I don’t often say the word “all” but I’m going to put it to use now. All people dislike being criticized, constructively or otherwise.

When you say, “I’m going to give you some constructive criticism” peoples’ defenses go up. Their fur stands up like frightened dog or cat. Their defense may not be obvious, but it’s there, and it needn’t be.

It reminds me of something I learned from Tony Robbins. It’s called the “Agreement Frame.” The crux of this soft piece of communication magic is learning to use the word “and” instead of “but” when offering a different point of view. And to use the words “agree,” “respect,” and “appreciate” with the word “and.”

Here are some examples:

Someone says, “I’m deathly afraid of clowns.”You respond, “I ‘agree’ that lotsa folks are scared by clowns, and if you want to get over that fear, I have a way I can help.” There’s no “but” in that communication, meaning you offer no resistance to their statement.

Here’s another: “I think all (insert the name of a political party here) are idiots.” And you say, “I ‘respect’ your view that all people in the Whig party don’t have their head on straight, and if you want, I’ll introduce you to a few who do have a clue.

And one more: “I think all rodeo riders are thieves.” “I ‘appreciate’ your view on rodeo riders, and I’d like to offer you mine.”

No resistance is offered to their belief, just a way to offer yours without encountering a stone wall.

Back to “constructive criticism.” Remove those words from any evaluation you give. It’ll give what you say a better chance of getting through. Try this substitute phrase on for size. “I believe I have a ‘productive direction’ to point you in to have you be even more effective.”

And I invite you to consider joining my movement. I call it the “Demise of Criticize.”

All the best,

John