Does Closure Exist?

What does closure really mean? Get one angle of view from this week's Grasshopper Notes essay from John Morgan for the week of April 14th.

Grasshopper Notes are the writings from America's Best Known Hypnotherapist John Morgan. His podcasts contain his most responded to essays and blog posts from the past two decades. 

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Transcript

Does Closure Exist?

I’d like to offer an opinion about something we all hear a lot about: closure.

You know that word people throw around after a breakup, a falling-out, or when something just didn’t go the way we hoped—whether it’s personal, romantic, or even a business relationship.

We say we’re looking for closure. But . . . what does that even mean?

Usually, it’s about wanting to understand what happened. Maybe it ended suddenly or without much explanation, and now you’re left with questions. You know your side of the story—but you want to hear theirs. Maybe, just maybe, hearing it will make the hurt feel smaller.

But here’s the thing: it usually doesn’t.

That’s because understanding is an intellectual exercise. And feelings? Well, they live in a completely different neighborhood.

You might get more clarity, sure—but that doesn’t always lead to peaceful feelings. It doesn’t always settle your emotions. It might even stir them up.

Now, I’m not saying don’t reach out. Sometimes a conversation—just one honest exchange—can be powerful. Telling someone how you felt when they left your life, or what it meant to know them, can be a beautiful gift.

I think about Cher, actually. Yeah, that Cher—eulogizing her ex-husband Sonny Bono at his funeral, pouring her heart out. She was raw, tearfully emotional, full of love and praise for this man she’d once called her partner. But they’d divorced decades earlier and not on friendly terms, by the way. But that day? It wasn’t about blame. It was about honoring what they once had.

Now, we don’t know if she ever told him those things when he was alive. But maybe that eulogy wasn’t just for him. Maybe it was for her, too.

Closure can be real—but only if it’s not laced with blame. Because once we start pointing fingers, we lose any chance of comfort. It just becomes a rerun of the same old hurt.

So, does closure exist?
Yeah, I think it can. But only when it comes from a place of honesty, not accusation. Gratitude, not grievance.

All the best,

 John