Don't Ask These Kind Of Questions

There's a certain type of question that's unproductive to ask. Find out what it is in this mini podcast.

Grasshopper Notes are the writings from America's Best Known Hypnotherapist John Morgan. His podcasts contain his most responded to essays and blog posts from the past two decades. 

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Transcript

Don't Ask These Kind Of Questions

Ever notice how many “conversation starter” questions we ask . . . and how often we don’t really listen to the answer?

It happens all the time. We throw out things like “How was your day?” or “How was school?”— and honestly, we’re already halfway tuned out. If I could sum it up in one simple rule, it would be this: If you’re not interested in the answer, don’t ask the question.

One of the biggest obstacles to real communication isn’t a lack of talking—it’s a lack of paying attention.

Think about it: when we ask questions we already know the answer to—or ones we’re not emotionally invested in—the other person usually picks up on that. It comes off as insincere. Their response tends to be just as flat as your question. And what you’re left with are words that just kind of . . . float past each other.

Quick story.  About 20 years ago, I ran into a woman I’d dated back in high school. We hadn’t seen each other in ages, and as we caught up, she told me something interesting she used to do with her kids. Instead of the usual “So, how was your day?”, she’d ask, “What was the most interesting 10 minutes of your day?”

Now that’s a question she didn't already know the answer to. It invited a real response—and more importantly, it showed she actually wanted to hear it.

So here's the takeaway: Start asking questions you genuinely don’t know the answer to—and ask them with genuine curiosity. It deepens your connection with whomever you’re talking with.

Now, sometimes we don’t ask important questions because we’re scared of what the answer might be. But here’s the real world truth: whatever that answer is . . . it’s still the answer, whether we ask or not. Avoiding it doesn’t change anything. It just leaves us in the dark, hoping for the best—which, let’s be honest, is a losing strategy.

So here’s my suggestion. Ask more questions you actually want answers to. And when you do, two things will happen:

1. You’ll probably learn something you didn’t know—or something you really need to know.

2. Your communication skills will improve—dramatically.

Here’s a little tip that’s helped me over the years. If you're worried about sounding too direct or making someone uncomfortable, try softening your questions with two simple words: “curious” and “wonder.”

Instead of saying, “Why haven’t you brought this up?” try, “I’m curious—what’s been holding you back from talking about this?” Or, “I wonder when would be a good time for us to talk about it?”

It makes a difference.

Bottom line? However you ask the question—just care about the answer. Really care. You’ll be a better communicator, and you might be surprised how many people start opening up to you.

All the best,

John